Hi, can I please remain anonymous my husband and I have almost been married for ten years and have two beautiful girls under six the other day I got a Facebook message from a girl who told me my husband is a cheater and slept with her threethree weeks after our wedding. She is no saint. She went on to tell me specific things like when we first separatedseparated when my daughter was born five years ago he was seeing her before the separation and during a bit of it then after that all they did was chat when we got back together. During these messages the other day there are messages from him and her speaking sexually about his privates, and he has mentioned she is getting him “hard.” I have seen Those messages myself. Then while we were on holiday, she has told me that he text her to say our marriage won’t last long, that was a few months ago now. He also apparently met up with her during a work trip last year and apparently only talked. I am devastated he would do this. I also mentioned the message about him talking about our marriage won’t last to my cousin, and she told me that he actually said that as well to my cousin’s husband a few months ago, so I know, that is true. Why isn’t he facing up and telling me it’s over? He is acting like nothing is wrong this girls engaged now and moved on she told me they chat a lot I just can not do this again, but I am holding out on ending things as it’s Christmas soon and don’t want to wreck it for the kids and also want to allow myself an exit plan . Please give me any advice I really need it p.s she told me as apparently her new fiancé saw the messages and told her I deserve to know the truth
I say hold on till the first of the year so your children can have a nice Christmas and in the meantime start thinking about what you want to do and then I say call it quits because if he’s been unfaithful with her there’s probably more. It’s so sad how disrespectful he is to you and your children. If he’s been doing that since you was married he definitely doesn’t care about nobody but himself and with all of the diseases going around I say dump him.
As soon as Christmas is over END IT!
Make it thru Xmas while getting things packed and ready to go. Does he leave for another trip soon? I would have him come back to a empty house and change the locks but leave the keys inside😁 sorry, if a guy is being a cheating dick then it’s on!!
But maybe ask a family member if you guys can sleep on their couch while you get your work and living arrangements dealt with.
The state needs to know too. And they can help with alot of resources.
Get all your ducks in a row. Confront him nif he lies. Walk because you have it all covered. Cry. Pick yourself and keep moving.
Maybe He ended everything and she is angry.
I say he’s a liar & a real jerk… what I don’t like…he told his brother in law about it… but pretending with you… Doesn’t look good, cheating is bad… if this person moved on.whos to say he doesn’t have someone else waiting in the wings… please think with your head and not your heart… get a plan together quickly. & Start saving $$$$$ because he might already have one…
Get a plan in place save money figure out where you’re going to live then leave him. Never leave someone before you have a plan you don’t want to struggle you’ll be worse off and make sure you get a good counselor lined up you’re going to need it believe me I’ve been there I’ve been in an on-and-off relationship I find p*** dating sites chats between women with him and why do I stay because I love them and I’m stupid and because there’s kids involved but that’s not a good enough reason at some point I know I’ll get the courage to leave but financially I can’t do it right now. No judgment just wish I could do what I’m suggesting you do which is to leave because once a cheater always a cheater
I’d defo say do Christmas… Maybe get the girl to send. Few of these messages as evidence to you or do your research and find out facts etc as it might help you piece things together then ene it hun you deserve better
Start planning and making arrangements to leave. Once a cheater always a cheater. This was not a 1 night stand. Plus talking that shit behind your back. No hon sounds like the only thing he hasnt moved is his cheatin ass out of your house. Attorney up first b4 he does. Star stashing money
Wait until after the first of the year. Meantime get everything together. God Bless. Hugs for you. Things will work out for you.
I’m on my exit plan too. It will take a while but for the best. The whole next year, don’t even bother yourself with his shit. Crash course on yourself, your health, your money and your career. If you don’t have one, get one. Take courses if need be. And don’t worry about the kids. This relationship will affect them negatively. They need a mom who is happy and mentally healthy. Right now, he is stealing your energy that you need for them.
As soon as the holidays are over, serve him divorce papers. Have your exit plan ready and evidence gathered for the upcoming custody arrangement there is gonna need to be. Keep in mind that both of them are trash. Him for being a lying cheater and her for being a knowingly homewrecking whore. I agree your kid’s come first and to wait till after Xmas but in the meantime put everything in place and nail that sob to the freaking wall!
Keep making a fantastic exit plan and focus on your own character.
Start lining your shit up. Put on a happy face for your kids and let them enjoy their Christmas and then tell him somebody has to go, either him or you. I was with a lying ass MF for 9 years and I finally opened my eyes got my shit got my kid and shot the deuce …
Let him know you know what up and if thats true fess up you never know with crazy ppl too i would end it as soon as christmas is over like literally that night dont give him the power keep all of thise screenshots and everything mean while get your stuff together find a place girl that is a long time to be together and then him say that you deserve so much better im sorey i hope it all goes well
For Christmas gift yourself with the best divorce attorney you can find!!
Well this is what I would do: Rent me a storage locker then call a loyal friend and have the friend help pack up all that you want to claim as yours. Go apartment hunting. Once moved out contact an attorney and file for a divorce. They all work on a payment plan once you pay their retainer fee. Get a visitation schedule in order and child support order in place. And be prepared to fight or agree. Get all your evidence in order before going to the attorney. Narcissistic people hate to lose and they also hate getting caught lying and cheating. Good luck
U all women are fools to let a man treat u like this. Good luck. He wont change. Ps happily unmarried. I would rather be dead than married
yes do your exit plan and carry it out. I’m not sure staying till after Christmas is necessarily good for your kids, but plans might take a little while. Get an attorney who wll get you some support and to put custody in writing. Best to be prepared for any surprises,
I think the gal is jealous bcz ur husband chose you not her. And know she wants to get back at ur husband through you. Lady dnt give that women that satisfaction
Honey, he isn’t gonna change. So do what you need to do for yourself and leave. Because he seems like he’s just gonna continue to do these things behind your back until he decides to leave. Your girls deserve a happy mother. Remember that.
What a &:):)-&:&(;!!:$: JERK!!! Kick him to the curb!!! Keep all the messages and get yourself the best attorney. I’m sorry you and your beauties are going through this!!!
Take the proof and take him for what ever he has. You deserve respect.
You already got it girl, just follow through, plan everything serve papers and go on to live a life you deserve with your kids, exit like the Queen that you are.
Make copies of all documents - bank statements, tax returns, etc before you pull the plug. Will be important later.
You said You need an exit plan. That tells me that you already know what to do. Get your babies and your evidence and haul your azz outta there. He is a cheater and he doesn’t think y’all gonna last. Show him he is right. Leave.
Once a cheater, always a cheater
You wanna fix it ? It will only work on your side. As he stated many times to her it is not gonna last. So let him go and see how it is. Cant fix something that was broken since day 1. Sadly enough he was a coward. Should have never stayed as long as he did.
As a woman it is harder than said but do as he is. Act as if you know nothing for now and begin your emotional detaching. Save up the money you need to be comfortable when you leave. If he is saying this to others he will probably be finding little ways to start arguements. Dont fall for it. Keep your cool and set your goals for departure. He is already emotionally leaving you and youd be best to do the same so that when the day comes you wont be as heart broken.
U need to leave this loser get a good lawyer.and leave no choices this isint gonna change.make your mark n move
Wrap up divorce papers and give it to him for Christmas!
This is so awful and upsetting g for you but please dont think it’s you. IT is his fault and he has messed up you and your beautiful girls deserve more please whoever’s you are I am here if you need a friend xxxx
Get a very good solicitor.
Execute the plan of leaving! his behavior is in no way what’s good for you, and you need to make yourself priority, since he clearly doesn’t have your best interest at heart. Don’t let your emotions be stronger than your reality though, play it smart. Buy your time, and strategize since he seems to have his own agenda anyway. That way when/ If the time comes to part ways, you’re prepared.
The only decent ones here are the one asking the question and the girls fiance.
TALK TO A LAWYER before you do anything! And document everything making copies of the conversations!!
Why stay where your not wanted? Also is that the kind of example you want for your daughters? Betta get to filing and take him for all he got… don’t suffer and don’t let him get away free MAKE him be a man that he should have been all along
Get ur stuff in order. Put away money. Get a mean ass lawyer. Once a cheater. Always a cheater. Change the locks on the door. Throw his stuff in the front yard. And tell him u will get a restraining order if need be. He plans on leaving. U better get there first. Or he will take everything !!
Packs y’all bags while he is at work and be gone before he comes home
I think its time yall start having that conversation now i know Christmas is coming soon and u want to make the kids happy so let them enjoy yall together after that its a wrap its obvious he doesn’t want to b married anymore if he is telling other ppl so i think u know the marriage is over u need to b happy dont rush but find u someone who will love u and yo kids u dont need him
Don’t leave get a good lawyer and make his ass leave,as not to disrupt your girls lives ,speak to a lawyer first.
Get the advice from a attorney in your state. It sounds like you have made up your mind. Be smart take care of you and your children we all can give you advice but different states have different laws.
I frequently see posts with women asking why no one told them their husband was making them look foolish. About a third of these comments are exactly why.
This woman, saint or not, knows intimate details, has screen shots, and admits to being involved with him during time periods that coincide with supporting information.
There are still women on here saying she’s just jealous and trying to start trouble, even after it has been pointed out this woman is engaged and trying to move on from the husband in question. She’s starting a new life? What is she jealous of? She’s trying to own up to her mistakes and let OP know the truth so that she knows who comes home to her at night.
If we want other women to be comfortable enough to come to us when our men are trying to act shady behind our backs, we have to be comfortable enough to listen to them without killing the messenger.
OP - I personally couldn’t spend another night sharing the same bed with him after this. I would have to leave now, Christmas be damned. He would still be welcome to come to spend all of Christmas day with us, and nothing would be different for the children, but I would stab him in his sleep if he closed his eyes under the same roof as me after that.
If you feel it’s best to wait until after Christmas I understand, and get that too. Talk to your family (that you trust not to tell him your plans), set up your exit plan, and present him with papers as soon as you have your exit plan in place. Make it quick, make it painless like ripping off a bandage, and don’t let him convince you something that lasted that long was an accident or that he’ll never do it again. Both are lies.
Lawyer up! Plan, Plan, Plan. Don’t rush through the process because you need to provide for your life after him. I didn’t plan well. We tried to be “friends”. Guess what? I should have got 401, etc. alimony. Etc. plus you need child support. Try to get FULL custody. Then you have the most say-so about your girls.
I think you already know what you have to do. Christmas is the birth of Christ, a new birth. That should lead you to a new beginning. Either way, make it a fresh start.
There is a God sitting high and looking low take it to God and pray and allow good to show you exactly what you need to do it took me 23 years to get away from a husband Just like the one you have and when God blessed me by moving that man out of my life I have been been getting my blessing every since Stop looking for your answer on Facebook and fall down on your knees and give it to God baby girl I promise you everything every answer to all of your questions will be answer the way you need it to be in due time.Pray is your answer
Close your bank account, get a lawyer, get a divorce, move on.
Why are you still in that “marriage”!? Just the sex messages alone would be enough for me have some dignity show your girls their mother has a backbone and send him and his dirty laundry straight to her house!
I’d wait after holidays n basically shop for kids ;”) maybe she needs to text him n let him know he’s been told on? Or after holidays forward her messages to him !! Save all texts in case you need for further information for separation reasons for lawyer ? r divorce ?
take him for all you can. Soon as the holidays are over take your children and run. dont look back. Once a cheater always a cheater. You deserve better. get yourself set up first so you have a place to go and just go.
Divorce. Lawyer. Stay away from him for good do it for you and your daughters.
Dont delete the messages with this girl. Get a lawyer and make sure he gets them. Dont do anything without talking to a lawyer because u need to make sure u protect ur rights. I know this isnt easy. Wish u all the best
He obviously does not care about your family. I would leave there is no excuse for cheating. And I’m sure you can still make a great Christmas for your children
That’s all evidence to use in court. You could sue her for something as well if you want since she admitted to it. But yes new year new you. End it and let it be the beginning for you. It’s gonna hurt but it will be worth it. Trust me. Leave now and don’t look back.
I pray to God the same thing happen to her marriage. Save as much cash as you can to move on.
As far as I see it you will be lucky to find one who will not put you in a similar situation
Divorce papers would be his christmas present wrapped in a nice box with a pretty bow with a copy of all the proof u have and let him know the lawyer has them too… Start the new year free!!!
Look into it… Where there’s smoke there’s usually fire
Kick it out .! Your better than that and you and your kids deserve better.!!! I’m straight to the point because it’s happened to me . 3 Times !!! I’m gay now and happy
Leave him now get tested for STD asap
Omg I am so sorry you’re going through this I just pray God gives u the strength u need to move on with your life, marriage is not about lies. You’ll be okay your kids will give u the motivation and strength u need, no one deserves this.
I agree with Barbara Perrault 100%! He needs to be the one to leave the house. You should be able to stay in your home with your girls. If he loves his children, he wouldn’t want to upset their world any more than he already has, they need what’s familiar and stability. I have no answers as far as the timing, with the holidays, but I do know this for a fact from personal experience, do not stay in this relationship “for the kids sake”. It’s the worst thing for them. They may be young, but they can see and feel the hostility and sadness in the house. They hear you arguing, even when you think they can’t. And it makes them feel scared, confused, always feeling anxious because the don’t want to make things worse and, worst of all, they will see your sadness and it will make them sad. I know I would MUCH rather have had my parents separate, instead of having to live in a loveless house, filled with nothing but tension and sadness. THAT’S the worst thing you can do “for the kids’ sake”. I wish you all the best, you deserve happiness, always remember that
Tell her to come over and pick up him and his crap and that she is welcome to him. . Then get a doctor’s appt to make sure you are ok and call a lawyer.
This is the one you found out about believe me there are more you don’t even wanna know just run. You’ll probably be hearing for years after your split up about this one and that one that he ran through while you were with him. Get the F away from him before you catch VD
Tell her to prove it. Send kids to your family for a babysitter. Plan dinner date at home.invite her over. See what he has to say. If she don’t show then have a good night without the kids. If proves to be true, your kids at your family already so move on
Man. It’s crazy how men can communicate this to others (even to the cousin) over you! That’s what pisses me off. Like tell me and we either fix the issue or we end it. Then fuck who you want. Well, I wouldn’t worry about the kids. He sure tf didn’t!!! It’s not your job to be an actress and make everyone else happy. I’d wait for him to go out/go to work or somewhere and pack up his belongings and get new locks or pack my children & I’s necessary belongings and let him feel the coldness he brought amongst himself. It’s gonna hurt but it needs to be done ASAP!!!
Some people like to create drama, get her to meet and bring hubby and find out what the REAL truth is. If he is cheating or cheated, he is still doing it and YOU need to know now. Good Luck
Regardless if it’s Christmas time hun leave him just have some kind of co parenting system and you’ll be fine , it will hurt for a while but you have to stay strong for your babies
Talk to an attorney ASAP! Get papers ready to have him kicked out, you and the kids shouldn’t have to leave.
He sounds like he has the narcissistic personality disorder. Please read about it and you will see, they lie, cheat, wear masks.
are u really going to divorce ur husband bcos of hearsay…do u trust ur husband’s side chick over him…dont u think she want him for herself:thinking:think b4 u act…look at the facts b4…confront ur husband in a calmly manner with all the info u hav…I mean really now even her fiance saw the msg and its normal in their relationship…nooo nooo something doesnt add up…good luck
Believe her.i would leave him
Would you know who her fiance is? Could be your hubby and he is using her to provoke you in every situation.Gather all the truth about this affair before making your move. I pray for God’s strength to upon you.
I have been the other woman and I told the other woman. I had no idea until I pointedly asked and he saw nothing wrong with it. I would believe her especially given what you have seen. Plan to leave have copies of everything and see a good lawyer. He will not change and this is just the one you know about.
Why should you and your children loose your home you stay put. Get his things put them out change the lock. He wants to fool around thinks he get a better life then give it to him he can MOVE on. And so will you and hopefully find someone decent. Dont let him back when he finds out the grass is not greener on the other side.Very good luck to you
Leave after Christmas,you deserve better.
Have more children with him and don’t break up
He is not telling you because he is a sorry coward. I would make his life so miserable he would wish he never laid eyes on me.
This is going to be very tough for you. It the long run you deserve more. I’m so sorry, he just doesnt love you enough. He is confused and doesnt know what he wants. You are going to go thru alot of really hard emotions. Keep your head up, but you should really move on from this marriage.
So sorry. Get that exit plan finished.
Has she kept all of these messages from10 years ago ? Wow that’s sad …if you have trust issues with him ask him to go …after Christmas as you’ve said you don’t want to upset anyone…they’re going to be upset Christmas or not …you do what’s best for you and your kids never mind him you deserve better…take care and good luck
Tell hers fiancee
because your husband is a piece of crap schmuck that got caught in his own lie, but is creative and narcissistic enough to tell another lie to cover for the numerous lies he’s told. What more do you need? Why aren’t YOU telling him, “it’s over”? Because that’s what it will take.
How is it even possible to ever trust this POS?
I would suggest to not prolong leaving any longer than you need to. It’ll just get harder and harder. It’s hard on the kids no matter when you leave… but you don’t deserve that in a marriage.
her fiancé should be leery of a woman who was willing to sleep with a married man, she’ll probably cheat on him too.
Ok weird ! Why stir the shit pot now? I’d confront him . I’d want to know everything. What you decide to do is your choice.
If you’ve seen proof tell her thanks. Block her. Then leave your husband.
Well if you trust him then a decision is yours. If you don’t and are asking for advice is bc you’re not sure and need to get away from your husband. It really doesn’t matter how many yrs you’ve been married those are just excuses one uses to stay yet cannot trust. The female messaged for a reason. If you didn’t know then you wont now if he’s doing anything, he still might be.
Advice: you gotta figure this one out in your own. We don’t have the history with your man like you do, so we are much less inclined to forgive and refrain from killing him.
How would you advise your female best friend if she were in this situation?
So sad leave him hes a piece of shit
I’ve dealt with this with my past husband. He was such a narcissist - but was talking to other girls plus going and seeing them. Would lie through his teeth to me - and when I finally said I was done after I got my ducks in a row he tried to take it all back and cried. Hes not gunna get better and he clearly is comfortable with where he is at and thinks he can get away with it.
So get your affairs in order and call it done. And if he asks why, simply state “you’re the one that said our married wasn’t gunna last long and you’ve slept with other people, so now you have your out.”
Yes you deserve the truth. He’s a dog and evidently shes a whore. But your issue is with him. He broke his vows. He owes you! Play it safe til you make HIM make an exit!
Do the holidays as a family while getting all your shit in order and documenting all he has done outside the marriage. After the new year, when your exit plan is set, sit him down and tell him it’s over because he is a habitual cheater and liar. And go.
The trust is over…you will Question everything!!! If his lips are moving he’s lying…that’s how you’ll feel you will be in your head so much that when he’s outta your sight that u almost can’t even b happy…good luck to you…Your decision at the end of the day.
Kudos to her for telling you. I would want to know, even though it hurts. You know what to do. Make your exit plan, get your personal finances ready and leave him. How embarrassing it must be that he is telling everyone including YOUR family that your marriage won’t last.
Keep your cool/act like everything is normal & start putting money away every check until you have enough to be comfortable during the transition. Keep all evidence you can for the divorce. Once you have everything you need print out the paperwork, serve him, and move on with your life.
Talk to him. Get answers you need. Decide if you want to move forward with him or without him.
I would wait until after christmas as well. Save up money in a private account. Get your ducks in a row…job, transportation, housing, lawyer. Then set a date to leave and do it
That’s just sad. I was married 2 a chronic liar and cheater for 17 years. No children 2gether. Wasted the best years of my life on a man who did not deserve a good wife. U have 2 decide what u want 2 to do. I wish I would have left sooner.
I wouldn’t stay with a cheater. I would be letting him no immediately how I feel and that he’s a POS for doing/saying all of that. I would be planning out leaving ASAP.