Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. After moving in with in-laws my four year old is out of control! - Mamas Uncut
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. After moving in with in-laws my four year old is out of control! - Mamas Uncut
Parents and the MIL need to get on that ass! As a team.
You’re letting your 4 year old run the house.
Seriously thou, I don’t do spanking. Record her fits and show her how she’s acting. MIL has to stand up and say something it’s her house
She’s obviously not disciplined enough/correctly. Take away all her privileges, she can earn them back with good behavior. As for her screaming put her in a designated time out corner/chair. If she moves just keep putting her back and restart the time out each time. It may take a while at first, but she’ll soon realize her fits don’t get her anything she wants.
Start spanking her butt time out is just a waste of time plus a spanking has never killed a child if you don’t get hold of it now then you are going to have your hands full later step up and get control now
YouTube 1,2,3 magic and have a family conference to watch it together (all adults need to be on the same page)
Push through it…it takes some adjustment for you and for her. Good luck.
Sudden changes tend to affect children more than adults sometimes… Your emotions and feelings may be affected by this change in environment when you move out. Did he act like this before he moved? Keep that in mind.
However, you cannot allow them to become something that you cannot control later. You should try to control the situation and establish some limits or rules … If the situation continues or worsens, seeking help from a professional would be the best.
Sounds like she’s having a rebellious phase… maybe the stress of moving and having to share house with more people. If she starts to lie, i would correct her and say things like “that is not what I said, i said we could go back to the park tomorrow and we had to come home because you needed the bathroom. We can always go back.” The tantrums, i would say "you know you are misbehaving right now and that this is not acceptable. You need to behave yourself or there will be consequences. Take away privileges if she continues to misbehave and stick to your guns. She needs ground rules and discipline so she knows YOU are in charge and she can’t be running around having an attitude like that.
Went thru this , child is spoiled , the mil will always believe the child 
. This situation never works out. Hopefully u save quick n move.
My son acted different when I moved back home with my parents when he was 2. It was almost as if my authority was no longer valid. My parents didn’t spoil him or anything like that but I guess he understood they were “higher in rank” so to speak
Naughty chair away from the attention
She’s doing it because she knows she gets a reaction from the mother-in-law. If you want it to stop, move out.
Smack her butt and move back out, pull her in to line, don’t give in, don’t go to the park the next day because of her attitude
Move out…too much mil…need your own home …with your rules n boundaries
Ya move out, this is what any kid this age will do around grandparents
The change is stressful…but I bet $$ the MIL is undermining the parents. Not a good situation.
My advice is this, Tell your MIL just because you’re living in her house that is still YOUR child and YOUR rules, and to nicely MIND HER BUISNESS! And put your kid in TIME OUT! 4 or 44 your not gonna roll those lil eyeballs at me or yell at me! Bye! Time out for you lil one!
I’m living with my MIL rn and my 5 year old son has reverted back to baby talking and throwing tantrums to get his way.
Just this morning, she got him ready for school pictures.
Got up extra early before even me and got my child up early to get him ready for picture day.
You can tell her till your blue in the face that it’s your child and you make the rules but all it’s gonna do while living with her is cause problems and confuse your kid.
Save money and MOVE OUT!!! That’s literally the only option.
I’m in the same exact boat as you and it’s a horrible one girl.
Your brave moving in with your mother in law in the first place…
Sounds like she is a little 4 year old girl trying to adjust and cope with this new move in. Children don’t process or regulate their emotions how an adult should/can. She is probably overwhelmed by the new move and is also probably seeing what limits and boundaries she can push with ALL of you. I definitely say a form of time out or maybe sitting down and conversing (if she can) might help but yelling back won’t help and being strict punishing parent won’t solve the problem either. This is about regulating and getting this child comfortable again after a big change in a little 4yr old girl life💞
If you’re always yelling at her she’s just repeating the behavior you are modeling by yelling too
Get out of the inlaws house.
Tell her since she feels the need to lie that the park will not happen.
She’s acting this way cause she’s getting a reaction
I would 100% make sure you are the only one parenting her and set boundaries on what you allow mil to do.
Have a little chat with your kiddo and make it clear YOU are Mom.
Good luck… My 4yr is now 10 and acts the same but sneakier
Get out of there as fast as you can.
I think having a talk with your MIL and working as a team, for the greater good if your child is best. It’s not all the MIL . You both need to agree to be a united from . It’s when the child sees differences in the way the rules are the start to run the show. I’m sure it’s hard on everyone , communication is key not blaming your saying she told on you leads me to believe you give power to your MIL 's opinion. Next time act as if your child did not even tell your MIL, and your MIL should support what you do. Period , unless it’s abusive. Yelling is not good for having peace in your home. Please don’t make your situation us against MIL. You are in her home , respect from all sides will be key . The child can feel animosity I pray you all can work it out for your sake as well as your child’s .
It sounds like your 4 year olds feeling of security and routine have been messed up by the change. I would suggest common activities with Mil, you and your child. Create a secure bond where she can’t play the two of you against each other. I know it doesn’t make a lot of conscious sense but your 4 year old is re-enacting her feelings of being upset and insecure and trying her best to be in control. She doesn’t have the cognitive ability to know or explain how the change has affected her. Also, there is representation through her behavior questioning which adult is Alpha and really in charge. And also she is simply just being 4 testing the waters of what she can get away with.
Discipline!! This age is soooo important to set up a good discipline/reward system. She needs to learn to respect you and the rest of the adults in the home. That behavior is unacceptable and only you can teach her that. Be consistent.
We would have a “Coming to Jesus” in my house! And trust me, we’ve had plenty…
Boundaries! Tell MIL to BUTT OUT!
It probably won’t stop unless you move out though. You are the parent. There shouldn’t be another adult in the home undermining your parental authority. ESPECIALLY in front of your child.
Your child will never respect you as her parent if you don’t put your foot down with MIL.
Been there, done that… and we weren’t even living with the woman.
You can’t raise your kids in somebody else’s house 
Age old story
She has too many people “playing parent” and she knows that as soon as she runs to her grandma, she will get a reaction.
I’d honestly get out ASAP! And talk to your in-laws and tell them everything you’ve stated here. If she’s a normal, understanding person then she would see how this is only causing you more problems
Your MIL is telling lies to your daughter? It sounds like you’re saying the MIL is undermining you? I would educate her that that is YOUR child and how dare she tell your child things like that. And I would move out, even if you have to live in a smaller space.
Move out and give your mil boundaries
Let her know it’s ok to get frustrated. A lot of times kids don’t know how to react to their feelings so they explode. Some ways to work on that is being positive and showing her different ways to cope with anger, frustration. Get self help books for her age. Maybe count to 10, let her know it’s ok to be upset but talk about different ways you both could solve the problem. Don’t go back on your word, if you say anything to her, do what you say or your word will mean nothing to her. But definitely go to library maybe take her too, check out books together and read together.
She’s learned to be manipulative. It apparently gets her her way. Nip it in the bud and move out. Need to live on your own
You got a belt right?
My kids do the same exact thing around my family 
my mom knows better and doesn’t put up with it nor step in but my 7 year old does it with my gma bc if I try to discipline him at ALL she will step in and make excuses. Its the most annoying shit ever. You’ll have to move out before it destroys your child and I mean this in the nicest way possible. My family doing that is part of the reason our 7 year old is such a rebellious brat lmaoooo don’t allow your mother in law to undermine your authority. Please get out as soon as you are able. Take it from my experience your life will be extremely miserable soon if you don’t 
Redirect her.
Take her to another room. Tell her you’re sorry she’s sad right now, but tomorrow is another day and pull out a fav book, toy, movie. Set her up with a snack and fav blanket.
She’s 4, she’s still learning to process. She doesn’t have adult coping skills.
At 4,leaving the park early was probably a big deal.
Id say you want to tell fibs, sorry but no park tomorrow either then! Or the day after or the day after…till she gets thats not ok to tell fibs and you are the boss…
Might sound harsh…but I would want my kids to know that you don’t tell fibs…especially when its causing such conflict in the household…
I didn’t hear anything bad about the mother in law only the fact your 4 yr old is acting like a brat and your MIL is tired of it. It’s called discipline figure out what works for you and the child that’s most effective without yelling and showing the child she’s getting under your skin. Take control she’s the child you’re the adult.
She’s doing it for the reaction of your mil. She needs your mil to call her out for the lies, and to see your mil support you in your parenting decisions, even the ones she disagrees with. You are the parents. Grandma’s are fun.
Why did you move in? What dis your child lose? Did she have a yard, pet, neighborhood friends becore you moved? Children grieve in very different ways than adults.
Help her process her loss from her old home etc
My daughter does the same after only being with grandparents for a weekend
OMG the comments in here! Children do not adjust to change as easily as adults. Her whole living situation just changed, it will take some patience, structure and communication get her back on track. YALL WILL REALLY JUST HIT YOUR CHILDREN INSTEAD OF PUTTING ANY KIND OF EFFORT IN HUH?! And then you wonder why the generation YOU RAISED is so messed up?
Imma firm believer in busting that ass (within reason dont abuse her) at a young age so no one bust their ass when they are older. Teach her now there are consequences to her actions.
You Spare the rod spoil the child …I would see about moving out …family just can’t live together or work together it just never works out … To many irons in the fire …good luck .
Once your mother in law oversteps and shows your daughter that her behavior is okay and gets mad at you guys it’s already become a sticky situation. I’d say you and your husband need to sit down and explain to her that your child will be disciplined how you see fit and you appreciate her not getting involved. If that doesn’t work just save save save so you can move out because living with others when you have kids is always a bad situation. My husband and I have learned from many previous experiences.
Move as soon as you can. Your 4yo has figured out that mil will come to her rescue and her acting up is answering her sibling jealousy of her 2yo.
Mil must be overstepping if she’s figured how to play this game too. Don’t allow it, or your kid will figure to not listen to you when it comes to more things
Omg. She is 4. Who is the adult. You are.
My granddaughter acted out so she had to lie down in the bed no tv, nothing,after a while she would apologize and behave.
The child is having a hard time adjusting to the new environment and just needs to learn how to express her emotions in a healthier way. Yelling, hitting, or other forms of punishment are just going to create more of a divide between you two. Connection is key right now in order for her to be receptive to learning how to process and regulate her emotions during this stressful time, so when she’s having a fit get down to her level, speak calmly, and validate her feelings. Use time ins instead of time outs if you need to discipline, and have a long discussion with the MIL about her misunderstandings and how you can all get on the same page.
Personally id smack that little bottom . It never affected my mental development or that of my children …
Of course every child is s
different and you don’t want to be smacking constantly so other forms of discipline must be decided
Your staying in your MILs house…she is not the child’s parent…you are. Your rules apply not hers.
If she wants to go to the park or do you find things she cannot have bad behavior
Redirect, put a stop to behavior and redirect mom in law to cause she learning it from someone.
Ok, first, have a family pow wow. Set the rules for your child. Everyone follows them. If lil miss is lying or acting crazy, decide on a course of action for discipline and follow it. Period. Every. Time.
There has to be consequences for bad behavior. Spankings work on some kids, taking things or timeouts work on others. Find what will “hurt” and do that.
She also has to learn how to speak when she’s upset. I never acknowledged fits. I’d sit them in their room and when they stopped they could come get me and we’d talk. (I was actually diagnosed with the condition where I have physical reactions to screeching… I really can’t)
When you’re 4, everything is a big deal. Try to understand this is a new environment and shift for her too. She doesn’t have the tools to deal with stress, anxiety, sadness… You have to teach her.
I went through the same thing living with my mom and / or in laws in the earlier years. We moved out on our own 2 years ago and his behavior is getting better but every time we go to their houses its like a trigger and the disrespect and yelling becomes non stop there.
Move out mil is spoiling her
Moving out is the beat option…kids know who they can get away with stuff with. So if MIL caters to her and give i to all her tantrums this will continue…
Move out quick! She’s manipulating both you and your husband because she knows grandma will give her her way.
When she lies, put her in time out. When she screams for attention, put her in time out. When she runs to your MIL for help to get out of trouble, put her in time out. She’s using grandma to get out of trouble and it’s obviously working because she keeps doing it. Your allowing your MIL to stop you from parenting in fear of her being mad at you. You need to Discipline your child the same as you would if you didn’t live there and put grandma in her place.
Don’t allow anyone to overstep your parenting. Once it starts your kids catch on. That’s the hardest part living with family. Technically it is there house and their rules. I would definitely have a sit down and talk with your MIL and ask for her to please stay out of yall disciplining your kids. If that doesn’t work, your only option is to move out or deal with it.
Unfortunately mine are the same way with my mom (we live with my parents now) and I’ll try to punish them and they’ll think I’m being to hard on them but I’m really not. They get away with things enough from me so when I do discipline them they think I’m being to hard on them
I can almost guarantee the inlaws are undermining you in some way and your daughter has picked up on it quickly. Communicate that it will not be tolerated. Move ASAP.
MILs typically are like this, it won’t change. You are gonna have to move or bare it. Bc talks and trying to resolve it won’t lead to much when they are stubborn and believe you to be the bad guy,
Someone needs a little more than a time out….playing people against one another is a huge NO NO for me!!!
My best advice would be behavioral therapy. MIL needs to get on board for it to work tho. Consistency is key with therapy.
Spank her ass. For real.
Stand up for yourselves. Explain to MIL she was not this way before. Let her know that from now on she will be getting punished and she CANNOT interfere in any way. Your MIL needs to respect you and husband as parents. I think the child sees her disrespect y’all and manipulates the situation. Pit her in time out or take away a toy. Your MIL is being used. Tell her.
A little spanking ain’t hurt nobody
It’s a phase… my son isn’t lying but he’s also four and acting out not listening being mean to the dogs it’s a constant battle with him all day and spanking his butt does nothing. If you figure it out let me know. 
It doesn’t matter if your living with your inlaws or if they don’t like your parenting style. It is your child period lay down the law and if mIL steps in tell her mind her own. Just bc your living there don’t mean she gets control of your children
Just because you are living with your In laws doesn’t give them the right to undermine your parenting. In fact tell you how to parent. They are your children. I would be saving every cent I have to just get out of there.
She’s a four year old girl, and she’s adjusting. Stay consistent, it’ll pass.
Jeez. Reading these posts lately make me grateful for my two banana heads at home. I was not built to withstand the fuckery some of these poor parents are stuck with. My worst child just quietly plays video games all day.
Move out. The mil is the problem. Set boundaries and do not allow the mil or daughter to over step them for any reason
She is learning quick to play adults. Grandma’s discipline and she sees them taking her side. A family meeting is overdue for everyone to get on the same page
At age 4 she is old enough to start losing things … tell her that if she wants to lie and misbehave there is no more park , she has to earn it back … if she has a favorite toy , take that away , make her earn it back … also , start sending her to bed earlier … she needs to know that lying and not behaving has consequences
She’s 4 years old and knows better. She is playing the adults against each other. She won’t get over it and is manipulating your mil!!! You and your husband need to have a talk with your in laws and set them straight and let your daughter know “in front of grandma” that her tantrums will not be tolerated. It’s OK for her to be mad but yelling, screaming and going to grandma is going to stop and there will be consequences.
This sounds like a hispanic house hold. my mother inlaw and parents made it very hard to raise my son. I finally had to put my foot down and decided to move away from both. Your daughter is being manipulative. Mil shouldn’t scold you or your husband in front of her.
My sister was like that and it took my grandma spanking her once for lying to stop it. Your mil needs to be on the parenting level as you are.
Tell your mil she needs to mind her own business. It don’t matter if it is her house or not. That don’t give her a pass to interfere in the way you parent. I said what I said.
She needs a butt spanking ! Your her mother
Your 4 year old no longer sees you as alpha it’s grandma to fix this issue you need to fix the pecking order
Discipline her and be consistent. Take a way priveledges, ground her and if need be give her a pat and sit her down and talk to her and explain there’s consequences and she’s not going to get what she wants by throwing a fit. Don’t give in either.
It comes down to all of you are the adults, and a 4 yr old is manipulating all 3 of you, playing you one against another, and getting away with it. She has to be taught that lying to Gram in an attempt to get her way, will result in loss of what she so boldly tried to manipulate. You are going to have to sit down with your MIL and explain it is imperative all of you are on the same page parenting wise…because if its not nipped in the bud now…You all will be consistently fighting and it will be her running the house! Plus…when she enters school…if she tells a lie to a teacher or principle because she is angry because she is not allowed to do something, Your looking at CPS showing up on your doorstep and then the circus and jumping through hoops truly begins!
Time to introduce her butt to your hand
Move out! Tell your MIL not to listen to her - she needs to listen to her parents - not her grandparents. If MIL won’t do it - look for another place to live. ASAP.
This sounds familiar. I can tell you this from experience. Spend way more one on one with the 4 year old. You probably spend more time with the 2 year old because you think they need more attention but it’s the 4 yr old that feels left out. That’s my advice now looking back. The 4 yr old wants more time with mom so they are lashing out. Thy don’t know how to communicate that. They aren’t being manipulative. Trust me on this. The tantrums are because of lack of getting positive attention.
I hope you do believe in spanking. It is a wonderful attitude adjustment tool. Disrespect is disrespect and to tolerate or make excuses for it from a 4 yr old sounds like you need to become a responcible parent.
Move out 
4 year olds can be really, really hard. They can be absolute Satans and still grow up fine. Hang in there
Can you move back out?
Young one you’ve changed her environment- where is she learning this behavior or has she discovered that her behavior is being rewarded (e.g. you upset, everyone upset , causes you to give her a material thing ) you need to talk to her no matter how she’s acting out in a calm, low voice. Ask her why she is acting “the fool” . Listen to her - always repeating what she says - and when it’s your turn to talk - not long - tell her before she can say anything back she has to repeat what you have said - then answer. This will talk a lot of patience on your part and if you can get all the adults to do the same in the house - things may just calm down - plus communication always brings family tighter. Remember to young one it takes a village to raise a child .
I feel this so much Im in the same position with our 5 year old and moving out isn’t an option. I’ve had slow improvement implementing a routine and making sure there aren’t any treats being given without our knowing. You have to make sure every adult in the house is on the same page. Hope you find something that works for you, hang in there❤
It’s a stage, she’ll outgrow it. Your MIL should remember what her kids were like.
The child is acting out for a reason. Determine the cause and help her work through it. Young children don’t have the ability to regulate their emotions, and the only way they learn is by parents modeling the appropriate behaviors.
You’re going to have to move out or get MIL in line. Remind she’s not the parent and y’all got it. Her whole world has changed recently so she pushing boundaries. Just stay the course and it will work out.