I asked my daughter this question, her response was, no I wouldn’t ask him to delete those contacts, I’d do it for him. She also said if you don’t want to delete the names and numbers, just change one of the numbers in each contact, i.e., 6 to a 9, 7 to 8, etc. Pretty clever really.
Just saying, he’s trying to make you feel insecure imo.
Um no, hell no, once you get in a relationship you delete ALL old gf/bf/hookup contacts/photos etc. Unless he had kids with any of them then I could understand, like I have my ex husband photos and number because we have 2 kids together and I’m not deleting the pics of them with their dad. He should respect your feelings and even if he “forgot” they were in there he should have deleted them the first time you asked, not made excuses after multiple times asking. My fiancé had models on his instagram and I told him he could look all he wanted- if he wanted to be single. Because if we are together then I’m the only women he should be looking at, and he’s the only man I look at. He not only deleted the models but deleted his entire instagram because he didn’t want me to leave. Imo you looked through his phone for a reason, so go with your gut, I looked in my guys phone after I saw him look at a girls ass and then lied about it. This was a couple weeks after I told him I was pregnant, so it hurt even more, and with exs cheating in the past.
Don’t look thru his phone if you trust him. Next you will be going thru his Google history.
If you don’t think he is cheating then there’s no problem
Yes your over reacting and being a Pisces has literally NOTHING to do with it 
Umm the fact that he laughed at you and was trying to make it out to be that you were in the wrong is a big red flag. He doesn’t want to delete them and hasn’t because either he IS cheating and obviously doesn’t want to lose contact with them or he does not see you as long term and doesn’t want to lose the options if yall don’t work out. Either way his lack of respect for you, your feelings and yalls relationship is obvious.
Um nope not okay and sounds like hes trying to gaslight you on it as well
Delete them yourself…worked for me in the past 
I don’t care what astrological sign you are sweetheart he is gaslighting the crap out of you!
The fact he has them saved under those things and being who they are is pretty disrespectful, adding more disrespect to that is the fact you have let him know more than once it bothers you and he laughs at you for it.
Throw the whole post away… This makes you look like a fool
I can almost guarantee you he keeps them for a reason. Especially after you asked him to remove them and he called you sad. Pretty sure it would bother him if he say the same shot in your phone. Hey what’s good for him is good for you!
Delete them yourself! If he gets mad about it or you find them again. Well I hope you’re smart enough to know what that means…
Every new relationship needs to wipe the sleet clean!
Maybe I’m petty but create some fake contacts in your phone with similar type names and see how he feels
I don’t believe he should have to delete any contacts but if you believe he is cheating or gaslighting you then do what you have to. If you don’t believe he’s cheating ignore it.
There should be trust and respect in a relationship. Whether he contacts these girls or not isn’t the issue. Your trust in him and your relationship is.
Think about whether it’s worth the possibility of losing what you have just to push a point.
Don’t go through his phone. It’s only going to upset you. Forget you saw them, move on, he has
Babe… a really good man who loves you and is faithful to you would never in a million years have those things in his phone. He’s either cheating or keeping his options open which in both cases means he doesn’t respect you. You deserve better no matter what the situation is with the house and all that. You need to go. The sooner the better
No you’re not. Not at all. It’s your fiance and your child’s father. After all this time, though, and them being in his phone, he’s probably cheating. Even if they weren’t active numbers, there’s still no reason to have them except to meet up and mess around.
How long as he had the phone? Sometimes syncing data syncs old numbers. But, he should have just deleted them when you asked about it if it were that.
Since he laughed and didn’t take you seriously, and tried to spin it to make you look crazy, I’d say he’s keeping them purposely.
Like others have said, him keeping those contacts is showing disrespect to you, cheating or not. He’s keeping his options open.
Sometimes it takes a lot longer than 2 years to really get to know someone. Did you guys plan on having kids or was your child a surprise? Did he propose or did you bring it up, etc?
There’s a few things to consider in this situation. BIG deal is that you need to work on YOUR communication between each other. Even family counseling.
He’s gaslighting you, manipulating you to think your crazy for asking him to delete those numbers. There is NO reason he should keep those numbers!
It’s probably been 5 years since I have even scrolled threw the numbers in my phone. I dont even know what’s in there…
Do you guys have a telephone bill or have his phone tracked to see if he’s calling these women I had to do that and it worked found out he wasn’t cheating honest truth he was using those numbers to look good to his friends 
So you dont think hes cheating but you went through his contacts?
Fuck him! Leave his ass
He shouldn’t have those in his contacts period.Dont be naive he’s doing something if they are still there.2 years is a long time
First of all these are well over 2 years old in his phone those girls might be married or whatever by now
And yes he probably did forget about them
But out of respect he should have deleted them right in front of you
Him calling you SAD for bringing it up again and again is saying he is an ass
And when he didnt delete means he wants to save them just in case
You have no right to delete them because it isnt your phone…and all it will do us him put a password on
But all you have to do is go into his phone and change up a number or two on each phone number
Problem solved and dont mention this again to him…
Doing this will give you peace of mind
Good luck
Delete them yourself. End of issue.
This is what happenings when you don’t get married and have the necessary recourses.
I would have to agree with the comment “you don’t think he’s cheating but went threw his phone”
Now if you gotta track his phone and check if he’s calling THAT MEANS THERES NO TRUST IF THERES NO TRUST THEN THERES NO RELATIONSHIP PERIOD
Baby girl he’s cheating on you 
Make things easy just delete then
Talk to him in a calm, kind, not defensive/blaming, and reassuring manner and tell him how it makes you feel. If he feels like he’s not being attacked, and that it hurts you, it shouldn’t be an issue for him to delete the contacts.
You shouldn’t have to ask him to delete them. 2 years later, he should have deleted them by now.
Pisces. Yes. You’re definitely in your feelings about it. But equally you have a right to feel some type of way. If you don’t think he’s cheating… why do you feel like you have to be in control over his contacts? Deleting contacts is tedious. I still have contacts from 3 jobs ago including personal contacts. There’s just so many I don’t even care about deleting them. And honestly if my fiancé decided he felt some type of way about it, I’d most likely tell him he needs to get over it. I don’t do jealous and controlling. So if he wants to feel disrespected, so can I. If you trust him, stop being petty.
I would delete them myself and if he had a problem with it there’s your red flag… 
Anyone who’s engaged isn’t going to have past hook ups phone numbers after two years, that’s shady…
Major red flag, don’t be silly. We all know what going on🤦🏽♀️
Nope. Stop asking. Just tell him how disappointed you are in him. How you feel disrespected and uncared for. Sit down for a serious conversation
There’s a good possibility that he could be cheating
Too naive! Leave him!
Baby don’t mind me cuz I block them then delete them my damn self & if they pop back up I’m gone like his hairline 
He’s doing things he shouldn’t be. If he wasn’t he would have deleted them right away and reassured you. Not a single person who’s saying you’re toxic has any sense. No one in a committed engaged 2 year relationship with a child wants their significant other having females with those types of names in their phone that they have slept with. If it was switched he would be appalled by you.
If he’s that disrespectful and meets your insecurity (rightfully so) with telling you it’s “sad” it upsets you… girl why are you even still around.
Disrespectful, shady, and sounds like he disregards your feelings. For the record had a man posted this question my answer would be the exact same. This don’t seem right to me.
He did not forget the numbers were in his phone…
Sounds like he’s still entertaining the idea of his exes. He can’t let go of them so that’s a huge red flag.
I’d delete them myself, write them down or take a picture of them with your phone, and see if they go back in his phone! If he puts them back in his phone, he’s using those numbers so he’s be lying!
Any man who respects you wouldn’t even allow the possibility for you to feel disrespected or like you can’t trust him. Men who care want their women to feel secure. They don’t go around adding to insecurities. They don’t want even potential for mistrust. Whether he is cheating or not he shouldn’t be putting you second to some exes. If they are no big deal they should be gone. Especially they shouldn’t be in his phone under those contact names. How would he react if the tables were turned. Girl pick up your self respect and decide what you’re going to tolerate. You have let him know expectation and he’s showing you he doesn’t care. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. There are better men out there. 
Him saying that’s it’s “sad” is him gaslighting you!
He has no intention of deleting them and is disrespecting you. Ask him how he would feel if the situation were reversed.
We can all see this clearly for what it is don’t be naive it won’t pay off…
Been there done that
Fpr him to say your sad for not liking the fact he has the numbers, if he didnt use the numbers he would delete them, so it clearly says to me he is in contact with these women, what you should do is get the numbers and ring them and speak to the women and ask them, if he doesnt delete them in a month tell him your going to contact them, because I can bet most these women dont know you exist, I would say if hes being like that that he is cheating even if hes just talking to them
He is not being faithful if he is calling you sad for wanting him to delete them. My boyfriend would delete them instantly no questions asked
I’m honest to god appalled at how many of these comments are, “I’d delete them myself.” This is insanely toxic. Not only is it an invasion of privacy, but what does this solve? How does this invoke genuine trust in a relationship or provide validation from your partner?
I’m sorry you decided to date someone you don’t trust. I hope your individual therapist can help you resolve whatever issue has you dead set on controlling other adults. You seem unhappy.
It’s “sad” is gaslighting for sure.
he is either keeping them in case you two dont work out, or he is honoring their memory ( like keeping an item from someone you arent with anymore), or fluffing up his ego to know that “he still has got it” and he isnt just someone’s husband. either way, they need deleted and he needs other methods to help his self esteem. im going through something similar >> so many hours of sleep lost.
Any man who laughs at you and says you’re sad is problematic. A man or woman should never make their partner feel inferior because of genuine concerns. An engaged man or woman serious about their relationship would be trying anything in their power to put those concerns to rest…They wouldn’t be sitting there gaslighting their partner and keeping their options open. In my opinion he probably didn’t forget about the numbers, he’s just keeping them for an emergency booty call. And if they are “old numbers” he forgot about he should have no problem deleting them.
Why in heavens name do you go thru your partners contacts? I’m married for 35 years and have never done that nor would I want to.
Either he deletes them or we’re over…
Obviously your feelings don’t matter to him!
I’ll be honest. I have old exes numbers in my phone I forgot abt. I’ve never gone through my partners contacts. Who has time for this?? This seems so small and unimportant. And to say he’s cheating by not deleting these numbers he’s forgotten about is insane!! Calm tf down and stop finding stuff to get upset over!!
I would have deleted them myself if I were you and no he doesn’t need them in his phone and I would be livid so no you are not over reacting !!!
If you trusted him, you would never have been looking at his phone contacts to begin with.
Oh that’s gaslighting bullshit. Dump his ass, gorgeous. He’s talking to himself in their dms and you’ll be in demand.
I’m petty. I’d of kept quiet and deleted his entire contact list… see who’s “sad” then 
Can people forget ? Yes . I’ve forgotten… BUT , if my other half saw it and expressed how he felt about it… Id delete it ASAP .
Why make my partner feel any type of way about it if I swear I’m being loyal ? Saying it is one thing but showing it is another . Never confuse that.
When me and my husband got together I tossed his phone in the river. All past is past from here we start new.
He should have deleted them in front of you when he asked. Thats respect.
He sounds like a poor prospect!! Bad deal for you if you marry him!! Do you want to go through life always thinking is he cheating on me?? POOR CHOICE!!
If you are no a deleter then you know you have your ex numbers in your phone….but the fact that you asked and he has yet shows he does not respect your feeling and they are not valid…he is holding on to them for a reason so I would question that cheating part
So him not deleting them right then and there means a lot, now going on 3 weeks and still hasn’t means he just doesn’t want to
Delete them and is saving them just in case
You know if the tables were turned and you still had old contacts in your phone under 
he would be losing his shit lol. I think it’s a major red flag, he should be wanting to reassure you, and delete them when you asked.
He should have quickly done what you asked and reassured you that there is nothing here - apologizing profusely for hurting you and your relationship together. His response is not good.
He’s gaslighting u making it seem like u are the one w issues. U told him it bothers u and he’s ignoring your feelings with zero regard or respect. While I feel you shouldn’t be going through his phone, he shouldn’t battle you on this issue.
It’s sad that you’re having to even ask for him to do something like that. And multiple times at that.
The fact that he didn’t even have the contacts saved as their actual names but as sexual references instead is a major red flag! His intentions with them were clear.
You know what would be really “sad”? Not having sex with him until every last one of them are deleted💁🏼♀️ he doesn’t want to make you feel comfortable in your relationship then guess he’s going to miss out on something he apparently loves
So my phone is backed up. Anytime I get a new phone all those contacts come back. Maybe this is the case here 
Mine had his exes number, Snapchat, Facebook, instagram and he deleted all of it for me. If your spouse has iPhone it’s incredibly easy to never have to remove contacts because the way they have it setup. Everything just syncs when you sign in. I believe him too.
What’s not good though is that he won’t delete them. If they mean nothing then why is it so hard to erase? Nobody wants their spouse to have ties with their ex and there should be no reason why. They’re an ex for a reason.
The fact he thinks they’re so important to not just delete them should tell you everything you need to know
Am I the only one who doesn’t go through there partners phone? I don’t feel I have a reason to. Nine years and I never have. And he hasn’t gone through mine either. That’s just weird to me.
He’s holding on to phone # for some reason or another,he would have deleted them a long time ago. If he still keeps the phone # you might want to rethink your relationship with him.
Hand him is phone and ask him to delete the phone # in your presents. And if he does not you know what you need to do.
" leave"
first off why go through his phone unless you have trust issues? second it’s no big deal I have numbers in my phone from years ago because the cloud believes in backing up everything. move on unless you have a reason to believe he’s actually using those numbers. and honestly the woman I am I wouldn’t have even asked him I’d have done it myself when I saw them
He’s definitely gaslighting you how he might even still be messing with them.
If he can’t delete them, there’s got to be a reason he’s holding on to the numbers
Zodiac signs mean nothing to me, with that being said, you are NTA. He should’ve gotten rid of the long ago. Personally, I would’ve helped him delete it all 
but I also would go and figure out when was the last call he had with them to confirm how old/recent he contacted them and hold screenshots. Only because if I’m leaving I’m leaving with half for me and the other half for my kids 
If they aren’t important to him he should delete them. It is disrespectful he won’t just delete them. Like when he has the time during the day just casually delete a few. But yes, sometimes when you get a new phone and you login on your Apple ID old contacts will show up
Girl those are his safety nets
If it where me I would took them off myself and also write the numbers down.so when u look later on and type those numbers into his phone u can see if he added them back
If he wanted to, he would.
If you’re able to, just go and delete the contacts yourself. Make note of the s and check again in a week or two. If they’re saved again… you know your answer 
So having them the first time you asked is one thing I swear I’m still deleting phone numbers from years and years and years ago! So I wouldn’t stress the first time. But the 2nd time I would be upset. He can delete them if you have been together and have things going great for your little family.
To respect you all numbers should be gone if not you have a problem
The fact that he won’t just delete those numbers is sad and pathetic. You are not sad for demanding respect in your relationship.
Him telling you it’s sad was rude if you ask me. Tread lightly and beware
No it’s just a admin thing - honestly I think I’ve still got random things saved from 5 years ago - who has the time to sit and clear all the old stuff from your phone ? It will take days to check every nook and cranny !!!
you’re not being too emotional about this. theres absolutely NO reason why he should have those numbers unless hes bullshiting you and your relationship
There’s a reason why he’s not deleting them & the fact that you brought it up a second time, is a bit suspect. You say you don’t think he’s cheating, but either you aren’t looking hard enough or he is an expert at hiding it, he might not feel as strong about your relationship as you do, because if he did, he would never put any kind of doubt in your mind. Either way, good luck to you… & I hope you find what your looking for in him…