AITA for declining being part of my friends wedding because her fiance is a creep?

My friend and I have been great friends for at least 15 years. She is dating a man that has always given me the creeps (I’ve caught him secretly taking pictures of (me and other friends when hanging out, he is always “accidentally” walking in on women using the bathroom) and used to constantly be in my DMs - which I always told her about. Awhile back, he caught her talking to an ex online and what not - so he sent me unsolicited eggplant pics to get back at her. I’m in a relationship so this obviously caused some issues in my friendship. We haven’t hung out or seen eachother since, we keep in touch via text and social media, which is fine. However, now my friend is engaged to this man and wants me to be a bridesmaid. Would I be the asshole for declining not only the bridesmaid request but also a wedding invite? I’m happy that my friend is happy, I just don’t like her creepy fiancé.

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. AITA for declining being part of my friends wedding because her fiance is a creep? - Mamas Uncut

I don’t think your the A**hole if you decline. You shouldn’t feel obligated if you’re uncomfortable around him.

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Traditionally when someone stands up with the bride or groom, they are there to act as witnesses to the union, and to support the couple as they go forward. If you know that something is wrong with this man, and in your heart you know you can’t support this union, then do not stand up at the wedding. It sounds like you have good reason to think that he is not a good guy. I am sorry you may lose a friend over this.

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I think if your friend has such low self worth that shes marrying such a toxic man that you not supporting her is the last thing you should do, you’ll drive her away from you and she’ll end up isolated eventually
She needs your support not to tell her what she should do but kindly ask her how she feels about the dicl picks or such and reassure that she is the exact opposite of the bad feelings
By being engaged and getting married are very different things and I’d be surprised if this couple makes it down the aisle any ways

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Yeah thats a no from me. I would explain those reasons to her, tell her you are there for her but you can’t support that

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I’m not sure if you valued her friendship after she started dating the creep or not.

I think it is better to decline the bridesmaid invitation. Let her know you can’t afford a bridesmaid dress right now. This isn’t entirely a lie because you would not be able to bring yourself to attend and compromise your values and mental health. When the invitation comes, very politely decline. If she calls, let her know you have a conflict but wish her the best. Your conflict is that you need a mental health day to stay sane amongst the chaos.

If she ever sees this guy for what he is, she may reach out to you. If she doesn’t, you won’t have to make an effort to see her or reach out to her.

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I wouldn’t go unless I supported the relationship

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Soooooo…she won’t protect her bff from the creep…it stands to reason she will not protect her children from him…I could not stand up with her in support of that potential situation. It would be a big no for me.

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I don’t think your an a hole
For declining the invitation

I would tell her Why
And that you are not comfortable being around him and why

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Decline and explain why

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Yeah that’s NOT a friend!! I’d politely decline and remove myself from hat whole situation :scream::-1::no_entry_sign::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post:

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I’d be declining to.
I’d then be telling her that I love her, and am very happy she’s happy. That I support her 100%, as she’s in charge of her own life.
But due to my own feelings regarding her choice, I’m gonna respectfully decline so my own feelings don’t cause bad vibes on the day she’s supposed to be happiest.

You can be happy she’s happy and still decline.
If I was the bride, I’d rather someone decline, then agree and bring down the vibe of the day🤷.

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This is the perfect way to show your boundaries.
It sounds like your friend will always accept his bad behavior.
Like you, I wouldn’t be able to jut sit back and watch her be disrespected and emotionally/mentally abused.

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Try to find out more about the guy before your friend go ahead and marry the creep. She may get mad now but one day she will thank you.

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No, she’s the asshole for staying with him despite everything. Frankly, she’s not a bestie at all IMO.

I would respectfully decline.

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I’m with you, Honey. I would tell her no too. I would also make sure that I told her face to face and explained why. I would tell her, as a friend, that I was afraid for her to marry this man. That I didn’t want to see her get hurt. She might not take it well. You may even lose her friendship. But at least you would have tried. Be there to pick up the pieces when it blows up in her face.

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l get paid over $125 per hour working from home. l never thought I’d be able to do it but my buddy makes over $17853 a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The possibility with this is endless.

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I didn’t go to a close family members wedding and I was part of the wedding party. a year before she told me she would never get back together with him and she doesn’t love him. She was always so rude to him. It always made me feel so bad for him she treated him horribly. When her mom died and she figured out how hard it was to live on her own with kids she moved in with him and got engaged. He had a great job and owned his own house and was paying her car note even when they weren’t together. We don’t speak now. I’m a piece of crap because I was going through serious relationships issues at the time and couldn’t afford or support her marriage. I’m ok with it honestly because it was too toxic to be a part of.

Decline i refused to go to my sisters wedding :woman_shrugging: they are both into drinking and drugs and also lots of domestic violence on both sides so i just told her im sorry i dont support your marriage and cant go

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As long as the friend is aware of WHY you are declining, then no NTA.

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I would not be a bridesmaid for anyone who is obviously marrying a predator and refuses to see it.

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Decline and try to find out a lot more about the guy
Tell you’re friend why you can’t go / won’t go and just be there for her .
I’ve declined a wedding before one of my friends and being in it and I told her why and everything we stayed friends and like 6 months later she was happy they ended up not married he ended up in jail for something Bad and she thanked me and now she is no longer here .

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Not at all…if you go it would be worse

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Decline with an explanation. Tell her you were there before he came along and you’ll be there when he’s gone.

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As much as you dislike her choice, if you care for her you cannot control who she sees/marries. Tell her you don’t agree with her choice of husband, but will support HER on her wedding day. You will not alienate her and if/when she sees him for what he is, she will be comfortable coming to you for support. If people tell her he is jerk and she shouldn’t be with him, she may try to prove them wrong by going through with it.

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You have to decline! People who go to a wedding or are in a wedding are there because they support the union between the two people. It doesn’t matter how long you have been friends. As adults these things are hard and you will probably lose the friendship but it’s the right thing to do if it’s your true feelings.

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I think people have to figure out thier mistakes on thier own. She is blindly in love right now and is refusing to see his faults. If she was my friend I would be by her side and support her. Predators do whatever they can to alienate the one they are with. He likely wants her to have noone so he can control her. Don’t let him do that to your friend. Demand to stay part of her life and close to her so she doesn’t feel alone and trapped… Eventually she will figure it out and will need you.

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If you already told her what creepy things he has been doing throughout the relationship and she is ignoring them, then get tough and tell her you are too uncomfortable around a blatant predator.

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Nope not at all. But you need to tell her the extent of it. I don’t think she gets it.

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Not at all. I would decline and explain why.

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Does she know about pics maybe he changed you should support friend regardless of her fiancé

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Protect your own happiness. If you don’t feel comfortable with going then don’t go. I wouldn’t participate simply because your friend is an idiot for not listening to you. If he was willing to do it with a friend he’s willing to do it with a stranger. Pray for your friend and skip the event. You can be happy for her, just from a distance. She will learn eventually, sadly more than likely the hard way.

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No, you won’t. It would be worse for her to have someone there that doesn’t support the marriage than it would be for you to just be honest. I just did the same exact thing. I didn’t support it, so I dropped from the wedding and didn’t go. My negativity wouldn’t have been worth ruining her day over.

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No I’d air everything out that’s disgusting behavior

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No. Not only would I not want to attend because he’s a creep. But also because I wouldn’t want to be in any way supporting such a toxic relationship.

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NTAH. You do what you’re comfortable with, what you can live with, as she is choosing to go ahead and marry this guy, knowing all the toxicity, and apparent trust issues, in their relationship—and especially, since you’ve been unintentionally involved in some of it.
Good for you telling her about his cheating ways. You’re a good friend—even if you don’t participate or attend the wedding. :blue_heart:

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You should go for your friend. If you haven’t told her about your feeling about the man let her know but as kind as possible. If you go to strong it will seem like you just want to reck her day. Make sure you stress you will go to support her on this Mile stone moment for her.

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Decline and tell her why tell her everything

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You be the friend you would want to have!! She’s about to learn a valuable life lesson…you have lunch with just her and ask a few questions. Then voice your humble opinion to her and her alone. Give her a hug and tell her either way you will be there for her. Don’t abandon your friend because of some guy. But let her know your true feelings about him. A real friendship will survive and she will need a shoulder to cry on later.

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I don’t blame you. Just keep in mind that you might lose her. 

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Your friend needs a man that has respect. A person like him can ruin a friendship. She is being naive and that marriage won’t last. I wouldn’t go to the wedding or be in it. She will end up unhappy :frowning: 

If you bow out, others may also see an “out” and do the same. I will support someone if I feel they are making good choices. It is clear she has not been supportive of YOU allowing this behavior to continue. She must have very low self esteem to allow it. You wouldn’t give drugs to an addict, which I know is a bit different situation…but people have to stop reinforcing bad behavior with the premise of “but they are my friend!” To me, you being in the wedding and even going is just giving this man a free pass to continue because you are take part in the wedding.

“I love you and will always be there for you if you need help, but I cannot be a part of something I truly think is not healthy for you.”

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Hell no! I wouldn’t go either. Boundaries have been crossed and destroyed. If you’re uncomfortable to should not be apart of it. As far as going, I would send a gift with a beautiful card.

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You owe it to your friend to attend her wedding creep or no creepy.

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Be straight up with her on why you don’t even wanna be there at all.

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It’s whole bathroom thing for me I get the other things

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She’s crazy to try and marry that creature. People go to weddings to celebrate the coming of two people. If you don’t support nor believe in their relationship, then don’t go.
I don’t blame ya for not going.

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She’s marrying a guy that sends :eggplant: pics to her best friend!? Ewwww! Just be there to pick up the pieces after that inevitably falls apart, she’ll come around and forgive you for not participating.

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No. He’s literally a sexual criminal. Gross.

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Be there for her when she’s happy and let her know you’ll be there for her if things are bad.

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Nta at all. Politely decline, but also tell her why you’re declining. You don’t have to rehash everything you’ve told her in the past, but something like I’m happy for you and I hope you have a beautiful wedding, I’m not comfortable attending. Don’t make an excuse for why you’re not coming, but also don’t provide extra details that you’ve already given her in the past and that she specifically asks why. I would still send a wedding gift though

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She is your best friend! Voice your concerns but let her have her day with him if that makes her happy. Absolutely accept.

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No you’re not! And you shouldn’t be expected to do ANYTHING that puts you on edge or extremely uncomfortable

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I’d go… it’s in support of your friend not douche canoe. If you’re not there now, she may not come to you when everything falls apart. I love my best friend enough to go through fire for her…. It’s a few hours to have to deal with shitty dude

You have every right to not go if you don’t support her wedding and marriage. But I’m warning you, you may lose your friend. I lost my best friend of 20+ years because her boyfriend and I did not like each other. And I made the mistake of speaking up. And she chose him. They’re now married with a kid and it is what it is. Just be aware that your choice has consequences. If I could do it all over again honestly I probably would have just kept my mouth shut. 

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You should definitely be there for your friend , maybe you can talk her out of it before she marries him ! But yes be a part of it so you don’t lose your friend , and then you can say I told you so if it goes bad .

Definitely not the asshole.

Should be simple, tell her she’s your friend and you love and support her but you have zero tolerance for his behavior and you wont have it in your life even if he’s trying to trojan horse his way into it

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If your great friends with her than I think you should at least go as a guest at her wedding. You can bring your significant other with you. I doubt he will pull any crap on his wedding day.

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Sounds like a toxic factor in your friendship. I would say the friendship is over. He has crossed many many boundaries and at the end of the day she hasnt done anything to “fix” things. She will always chose her creepy weird husband. Let her live her life and focus on yours. He will be nothing but trouble in the future, cut your losses.

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I don’t think so, I wouldn’t be going

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Eggplant pics? Is that what I think it might be?

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Decline and tell her she is making a mistake and that you love her and want the best for her. I guess when it all comes crashing down you can be there for her again.

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l get paid over $127 per hour working from home. l never thought I’d be able to do it but my buddy makes over $17431 a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The possibility with this is endless.

Go to This. https://AmazingOption256.pages.dev/

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I would tell her you’ll attend the wedding but you don’t feel comfortable being a part of it. Or just tell her you cannot come at all if that’s how you feel and if she doesn’t understand then what kind of friendship was it in the first place?

If she is that close a friend, tell her the truth. Tell you you do not feel comfortable areound him or with her marriage.

Just say that you happen to be going out of town that day. Then when that day approaches, make yourself scarce. Put in a day off request at your job in advance and just go somewhere on that day and don’t answer the phone

I’d say go as a guest. Try and spend time with get without the creep there. There may be a time in the future when she wants to leave him and it’s much harder when you are alone

Tell her you’ll go to the next wedding she has lmao

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Let her know why you don’t want to be in the wedding

Tell her you won’t be attending the wedding but you’ll throw a divorce party for her!!! :woman_shrugging:

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I would do it for my friend. It sounds to me like she is very naïve. Stay close to her and remember it’s human nature for us to not see the wrong the one we love does. I’m betting she will need you and other friends when her eyes are opened and the truth is revealed. I would have minimal contact with him.

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I definitely wouldn’t be going. I would just let her know I’m happy that you’re happy but I can’t support something I don’t think is right.

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Nah if you don’t feel safe don’t go. And honestly this might be hard to hear but if she doesn’t care about what he did to you (and to her) then she’s not a good friend anyway

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She’s your best mate, she knows how you feel…… so…… toughen up and
be there to support your best mate on her wedding day. It’s her choice not yours, try and remember that. Don’t miss a milestone in your friendship because you disagree with your adult best friends decision. :sunflower::v:t3:

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Nope not cool. After him being like that no way I’d go

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I would go to the wedding but not a part of it

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I would tell her the truth and also wish her much happiness but you will not be there

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I wouldn’t agree to be a bridesmaid nor would I attend. I would tell her the reasons why, also. He sounds like a real winner… NOT.

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I would go for her and keep my distance from him. I would decline to be in it. When it ends and from the sound of it , it will. She will need you.

Well, let’s see his profile pic :rofl:

I would decline to be in the wedding party, but attend so you don’t miss your friends milestone. If she asks why, just remind her in a super light conversation to keep any negativity away.

Absolutely decline. There comes a point in your life that you have to choose you… if I or my husband has to mentally prepare ourselves to be around someone before we go somewhere (not in a good way) like we know it’s going to be stressful or even if it has to do with a spouse of one of our siblings or other family, we’re not doing it.

We are no longer sacrificing OUR feelings or feeling comfortable for other people.

Get her a gift, tell her your happy she’s happy, but you have to kindly decline. Don’t sacrifice being comfortable because other people think you should to keep SOMEONE ELSE comfortable.

Honestly since this guy seems so creepy and seems to not be able to keep his eyes away from where they dont belong I would do a background check on the slime ball and see if he has any legal issues anywhere before I would agree to do anything with him around. You might be doing your friend a favor in the long run depending on what comes up in the back ground check.