I am upset because my husband doesn’t want to share a bank account with me…do I have a right to be? I pay half the bills and then the other half is for groceries while he just builds a huge savings…I am constantly the one making sacrficies…I dont even buy things that I want…just things that are needed for the kids and for the house…he refuses to combine our money and I am starting to think it is for selfish reasons…I just want to be able to get gas when I need it…
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. AITA for thinking my husband and I should have joint bank accounts?r
This is definitely why finances need to be completely discussed before marriage.
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I think it’s fine to have a joint account, individual, or both. But expenses/bills need to be shared when both work. Not necessarily 50/50, figure out fair percentages. You could mostly assign certain bills to each of you.
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The issue isn’t separate accounts, it’s that he’s not paying his share of the expenses. Separate accounts can work but I’d definitely talk to him about how you divide the shared expenses.
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We each have our own accounts. I have all the bills come out of mine and just tell him what I need each month. He gives me what I asks for and doesn’t question it because it’s all “our” money.
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My husband and I have separate accounts. Will likely always be that way because we manage money differently. We flip flop who pays for when we go out and during grocery shopping. We don’t necessarily split bills evenly but we came to an agreement of how much I give him money wise each month. He owned the house before we were together and all the bills are in his name. I have my bills. He has his own bills. And anything that we use or purchase mutually, we just work that into the “household” bills. We are both comfortable with it and it keeps arguments to a minimum and we both feel that is what is fair so one person isn’t suffering. If I am short on something, he will pick up the slack and I do the same for him if it is needed.
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Marriage is a partnership. It is our money and it’s in one account!
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We each have seperate and then we have a joint acct for household bills and such. Bills get paid first then we split what is left to do as we wish.
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We have separate and its great. Whatever bills need paid WE pay them. It always works out for us. If one is “short” the other steps up to help. We help each other when one falls.
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43 years and a joint account. If your married and a team…one account.
Any other way is how you get get controled
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We have separate accounts. Everything is in my name and we have a budget. He pays his bills and gives me a check for half of the household bills per the budget. We take turns as to who pays for going out. I pay for groceries, but I make more than he does. He has started grocery shopping more too as he works 4 10s, so he has more down time than I do. When he shops, he pays.
Talk to your husband about household bills INCLUDING groceries given inflation and what’s going on in the market. Get a household budget total. Divide in half (or percentage based on income, depending on the situation, does one make a lot more than the other, etc). Then subtract what each of you pay from your bill responsibility and whoever is not covering their fair share should pay that to the other if he doesn’t want a joint account.
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My husband and I don’t share accounts but the way we do things is he pays the bigger bills, I pay the smaller and whenever anything is needed for the house/our kid whoever got paid that week will get it or whoever can get to it first. Both of our money go into our home and child. He definitely needs to contribute in all ways!
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My husband and I share our main bank account (where the $$ comes in-everything is transparent). I manage our household expenses. I set it up to where I transfer our bills money into our “bills account” every paycheck. We also have our personal “spending accounts” where 10% of every paycheck is sent to for personal needs such as pedicures, football drafts, etc. This way there is no fighting for us where the $$ is going. He also has access to my budgeting spreadsheet for each month to show how our money is allocated.
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You should have combined accounts. Especially if you are married and have kids.
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We have always had separate accounts, however he should be contributing his share. We have been married 27 yrs and he still gives ne money every time he gets paid for “our” budget. Then we each have our on own money in our account
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Does he also pay for groceries and the kids as well? You don’t have to share an account to pay half of everything. Maybe one joint account for just bills and kids to share but everything else separate. My husband and I share an account. My siblings don’t with their significant others. I think it common.
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I’m not married but my bf and I live together everything is in my name since I lived here and he moved in. We have separate bank accounts but he gives me money towards anything we need and bills. He never once had any issue paying or giving me the money for whatever it is that is needed or wanted. He actually gets more upset if I don’t ask him for help or tell him when I get in a tight situation. I normally pay most of it myself as I make more money and it was my responsibility before anyways (I was very independent and hated asking for money or help before him) but he still hands me money every pay day to put towards whatever. If your husband has that much left over after bills and can save then maybe he needs to pick up half of the grocery bill so you also can have money to spend or save. Even if it’s separate accounts the point is to be a team not to let one make all the sacrifices and struggle while he’s banking money that is selfish.
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We have our own accounts but I do online banking with his and I pay some of the bills with his money and if I need money I just transfer it to my bank. I have always had permission to do this
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This is something that that should be discussed long before walking down the aisle
The wording here is weird too I know it’s easy to paint him as a bad guy blah blah blah … but he has savings and you “want things” maybe he feels like his saving method is working fine and isnt as concerned with things for himself but the safety of his family’s future
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We have both. Our own account and joint. My husband pays all the bills. I get the grocery. My husband gives me all his credit cards so I can buy anything anytime. He makes sure I’m worry free about bills and spending. We save by not impulsively shopping, lol. Best thing is to let him know how you feel and let him start paying the bills. So this way he knows if he doesn’t pay it, electric will be turned off. Worse thing to not pay is the wifi bill. He will jump on bills right away. Lol
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He doesn’t have to share his bank account with you .
You need to sit down and write down all of the household bills , including groceries, detergent and personal hygiene products, adding a little extra for whatever the kids might need , divide everything accordingly, if he refuses I will be thinking of separation , a marriage should work as a team , you should not be making sacrifices when he has enough money to save
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So my grandparents had both their own checking and savings accounts but they had one joint account for bills. Now me and my husband don’t have joint accounts either but when I was working if my paycheck didn’t cover something he would cover it. I feel like you should ask him for whatever it is you can’t buy and see what he says. I mean gas is an essential.
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It’s in the best interests of you both to keep accounts separate. **If you create a joint account, only use it for you both putting in for joint purchases, like bills you split.
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My husband and I pay bills based on the amount of money that we make. Essentially, he makes more money than I do annually so he pays more of the bills. If that would ever shift, than I would pick up the larger expense because I would be making more money. This has worked out great because we are both able to have spending money as opposed to just him having left over money because we split bills equally when we are not making equal amounts. If that makes sense? See if your husband would be willing to the two of you paying bills that are proportional to the amount of money that you make. We don’t have joint accounts because we just put the specific bill in the respective persons name (I.e electric in mine and internet in his).
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We have separate accounts. We split the bills and if either of us need money we just transfer money.
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Whatever works. However, if you are paying for everything, start billing him for his half of every expense. He may just not realize how much all the miscellaneous necessities cost.
I’m a SAHM so I don’t make a pay check, my husband has his own acct that his checks go into and then we have a joint acct where he transfers money to me for bills, kids, groceries, and so on.
Yea I think you have the right to be angry. When you get married you’re supposed to become one, meaning one in finances too. To be honest my husband and I didn’t combine immediately and I wish we would have sooner. Once we did we were able to pay off debt and save like crazy. We each get our own spending money we can do whatever we want with so it’s not like either one of us is on a leach or anything. We sit down and talk about our budget and we have shared goals.
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Start putting YOUR money in a separate account. Make a list of all bills, what you spend for groceries, etc. Tell him he must now pay half - give him the actual bills, not just half - and let him be responsible for paying. Put the rest of your money in a savings account that he cannot touch. He needs to deposit the money in a joint checking account.
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I was raised to believe its a man place to take of the family with that being said I pay all the bills and buy groceries too if my wife wants something I buy it to and yes we live a great live
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I would have a joint account which you both pay in for household expenses and the children and both have individual savings account. Monthly expenses should be joint or pri rata depending on incomes. You should not pay it all nor should he
Maybe try a house account meaning u keep ur personal bank account and so does he but u have a 3rd joint account(house acct.) Where u both can transfer your half of the bill money and household/family money for expenses to( i. e. Groceries, gas, kid needs etc etc.). You should definitely have a family savings account as well and I’m not saying he shouldn’t save. but if it’s the end of the paycheck and you’re the one who’s always broke because you spent all your money on household expenses and bills and he’s not and can use his money to do things that aren’t bill or household related then that’s an issue because that’s not him matching u 100/100 especially if he doesn’t help u out by extending his cash flow in your direction for something you want or need. then I think it’s time to sit down and discuss how things might need to change when it comes to Bill’s household needs etc etc.
Me and my husband have a joint bank account. But like my parents each have there own, but have each other on their accounts that way if something happens to one of them the other can see what’s left in their account. That and my mom is horrible with money like can never balance her check book right she always missed where 50 or 100 dollars went my poor dad constantly gotta get her out of the hole
Not having a joint bank account is perfectly fine, many couples don’t combine their accounts. HOWEVER! I WOULD be doing a household budget up and handing him his obligations and stop paying for everything. It is his home and children too and he should be contributing equally so that you can have some savings as well or at least be on equal footing with your finances.
My husband and I have separate accounts. He pays some of the bills out of his and I pay some. If we had all of our money in a joint account when one of us die the bank freezes that account for awhile and nothing can be paid until the account is unfrozen
We share a account. i manage all money coming in. When our paycheck get deposited. i let my husband know how much his was and how much mine was, i transfer the bill money to the billing account and the extra money to the spending account. My husband usually has the spending account’s card and i have the billing account card. I’m our household his money is mine and mine is his.
Before we got married he didn’t have a bank account and would just get a pay card
from his job but i would still manage the money.
You are not the a-hole for wanting to share accounts. Y’all should sit down and discuss how you want to manage the money.
maybe make a list of the bills and household essentials that need to be paid each month and split it up between y’all’s accounts. take turns buying the kids the stuff they need or set aside a budget amount for the kids things.
When we were working, both of our paychecks went into a joint account. We each had our own checking account and would put money into them every month. That way we could buy things that we wanted, but bills, etc were paid out of joint account. It worked for 60+ years.
I have my own, he has his own and we have one together. We were just married last year, so we already had our own but for bills, we share the one. He has his auto withdrawals from his own for his own bills and I have mine with my own. His direct deposit goes into our joint and mine goes into mine. He makes more so my money is basically savings and his pays the bills. If he needs to transfer money for any reason, it comes from my account to his. I think it really is based on what works for your family. Everyone is different. My previous husband and I shared one. He took all the money, maxed out cards and I was left with kids and no way to finance them. Before I left, I had to sneak money from his wallet to open my own account and save. I won’t ever put myself in that situation again. It’s a team effort but no reason to HAVE to have joint and only joint.
Well if you don’t share a joint account you need to make sure you are splitting the bills fairly. Sit down and figure out what you spend monthly and make sure it’s divided not 50/50 but by how much you bring in. If he makes 10 thousand more per year than you should be factoring that in and you pay less or vice versa
My husband and I have different accounts, but we split bills, groceries and other expenses evenly.
You could do separate accounts and have a joint account that you both put x amount in each pay check to go to household bills
You have every right to be mad. But you can’t really do anything at this point to change that. He does not Have to get a shared account with you.
But he should be helping pay for shizz for the kids and the house. Not just depend on you to
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We have one account and it’s so much easier not keeping up with “yours and mine” when in a marriage it should be “ours”.
We have it set up to where we can transfer money into each other’s accounts but we both don’t want joint accounts.
Seprate accounts is fine as long as he is paying his share. If he has a huge savings built up while you can’t even get gas somedays because you’re putting all you’re money into the home family and the bills, that’s a big problem. If he won’t help you when you need some money I question why you would have even married someone like that.
He earns more than you but you’re paying 50%. Keep your own accounts but open a joint account that he has to pay a certain amount into every month. This isn’t fair. He’s building a nest egg for himself. Very selfish.
He should be helping. You could always do a joint account for the bills and kids or whatever that you both contribute to and then have separate ones for your own personal money.
Your not wrong but outside of your kids health stop paying for everything. Ya mite as well b on your own you will b happier. Take th kids wth you !! N he’ll hv to pay child support !!!
You can have separate accounts and split the bills. That’s how I’ve done it for 30 years.
Have a household account that each contributes equal amounts to and keep your money separate from his money.
Yes he’s being selfish…a relationship should be a partnership in all aspects of life…its often ignored that a woman sacrifices chances to build her own career for the good of the family…therefore it is completely unfair of the person with the higher income (usually the man) to hoard it all whilst she struggles.
It would be nice if you guys could have a joint account for household expenses.
Time to divide costs equally based on earnings. 10 per cent in the bank first
Seek counseling, start talking, or think is this the best for all of you
We have separate accounts and one joint account for bills and groceries that we both put money into
Me and my husband have separate bank accounts and I like it that way. However, if I need money he just sends it to me. I don’t think just cause you are married or in a relationship you should have to combine money. But if one or the other needs a little help in the cash department the other should accommodate.
Make a house account , both contribute equal amounts for bills , grocery and items children will need .
This way he can’t have all the extra cash and you none !
Let him see how expensive life really is ,
I’m sorry you’re having to deal with his selfishness. He ABSOLUTELY SHOULD pull his weight. It’s a partnership. They’re his kids too. He should work with you to provide for them. You may as well be a single mom. That’s unacceptable on every level. You’re providing for your kids and being a kick A$$ mom!
I have my account he has his.,but I spend it all.
When I was married we had a joint When both checks went then I gave him a allowance gave me mine then divided the rest between bills n blues day account
Is it just me thinking this, but shouldn’t financials have been sorted before marriage/kids?
Your husband is either being selfish, or knows you’re a spender.
As long as he’s providing for the children.
We each have our own and then one together. We share expenses and money though and there isn’t a “his money, my money” mentality for either of us
I would never have a joint account cuz if something happens for what ever reason she could clean the account out and leave me with nothing and yes I could do the same but I would never because when parents split up its the mother that gets the kids ect…
We’ve had a joint account since a month before we get married. I was working full time until the middle of my first pregnancy. It just made sense to us to share an account. Now I’m a stay at home mom with no income so we really wouldn’t have had a choice. I have always kept my savings though. And he has his. But im putting mine in my daughters name to have her own savings. And we’re going to do the same with my son.
Add your groceries as a bill. Then divide them up again and tell him it’s not fair you pay half the bills AND groceries.
No need to have a joint account but make him pay half. Its only fair.
Make sure he puts in a certain amount to your joint account every month. For example if he makes more he puts 6,000 a month in and you put 3. Whatever is left over he gets to keep and you too.
Pay ur half of the bills n get ur own bank account
We have our own and then a joint. We make about the same so we each put the same amount in the joint and pay all the household bills. left over money every month building up saving for a nice vacation.
You need to discuss how household expenses are shared or should be shared. If he makes more but you are doing things in halves that’s not going to work because he has more…try to discuss concerns and avoid blaming but point out that you need to get gas and start your own savings and try to come up with solutions. Good luck.
Put in the half you bring home. Plus 1/2 for groceries. He should do the same. Only fair way.
My husband & I have a joint account. And it sounds like your husband isn’t contributing his fair share.
My former husband was same. I paid all the bills; he had everything titled in his name only. Strange arrangement.
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You need to build an account of your own. Tell him he has to pay half of everything and you need to get tough and refuse to cook and clean for him.
Steve Harvey said you both should have a separate account but you should have a joint account and put the money in there just for the bills the household bills
Go but percentages you put I. The same percentage as him. And start buying g yourself too
He refuses to take responsibility,get some council ing and put your foot down,what happens if you get sick or get hurt. Trust me it only gets worse as you get older
Maybe YOU don’t want to share one with HIM. My husband and I don’t share, but split bills evenly as we can.
A combined and then your separate accounts, imo.
Split the grocery bill at the end of the month. Deduct the amount from your share of the other bills that are split.
Y0u are married I think your money should b all put together as our money not his not yours
Be careful, I’ve seen it happen to women once the children are grown he splits with all of the money
Make your own savings and make him start helping with the other stuff.
I share a bank with my husband but if we didn’t he would still never do this to me or our kids…this is a huge red flag.
Money should be combined. You are raising a family together so it should be co- mingled!
He need to pay for half of everything for the house and kids
Personally I think that’s TERRIBLE. He is 100% wrong.
So he lives by the “what’s mine is mine, what’s yours is mine” theory. He’s saying up incase you 2 break up while draining you financially.
Get a hold of a bank statement for his account. LEAVE then file for custody, child support & alimony. That bank statement will come in handy for that.
We have a joint account for bills only, each of us auto deposits into that account, but it was almost 15 years before we did that and it was related to us getting a rental property.
I would only pay half and then refuse to pay the other half. I wouldn’t even auto pay. And then don’t pay. It’d force him to pay. And then you can take the other half of the bill money and put it into a savings account for yourself.
We have separate accounts an still share expenses…you don’t need joint accounts for that but he should definitely be helping to pay for stuff too…
Me and my boyfriend have separate and joint accounts
We also have a joint savings account
One for emergency
and one for the kids holidays birthdays etc
We just put in what we can for those
We made a plan that works for us sit down talked discussed bills wrote it out on paper and evened it out bills grocery’s gas kids stuff etc
All of our money goes to our family
So it doesn’t matter who pays what
But we do try and make it even
As women get more entitled like pro women rights men start thinking what’s best for them.ive heard some say getting married is a bad business decision, some SAy that we control if we have kids or if we withhold sex etc but they control.marraige and turn off the bs. That if we want to become equal then bills can be 50 50 . It’s not there problem if they have money left and we don’t. It just reminds me not not be masculine , make the man feel needed ,important , not all go women bs but also not a door mat.
I wouldn’t push to hard. Connected accounts and access to spend his money is control he may not wanna give. That is something ppl normally discuss before marriage.
Maybe ask for support while you go back to school for a better paying job?
I personally don’t think it’s necessary to have joint bank accounts, you earn separate wages, but I think it is necessary to share the responsibilities of the bills. Half on EVERYTHING except for your individual vehicles (if applicable). Otherwise it’s half the grocery bill, half the rent/mortgage payments, half the internet/cable/phone bills. Unless you guys share a vehicle than whoever’s driving it when it runs out of gas should fill it and you should both split the insurance/car payments if that’s the case.
My ex was like this. Fudge that crunt. It won’t change. He got all he wanted, I got shafted.
Make him pay the rent gas and electric bills like I do and you pay for all the food and baby stuff if you have one. That will even things out between you guys
No one here is helping you because everyone is just posting what they do in their marriage. You feel he is not being fair with you in this marriage. If you are unable to get him to work together and at the point you have had enough be sure you know where all of his accounts are. Later you can hire a forensic accountant if you need to do uncover all the money. Depending on how long you have been married at least half of all that money is yours.
you have a full right!!! I would be pissed. if there is no trust there is nothing!!
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Yeah, that’s a roommate situation… Unless one of you are just horrible with money
He would be a liar,I hope my husband pay bills but the grocery was his alone,I had to cook,and wash dishes,he put the food on the table.