AITA for thinking my parents should want to babysit?

You should never expect your parents to babysit and I am guessing that’s where the problem lies. You are now an adult with adult responsibilities, getting away every second weekend isn’t realistic and quite honestly you come across as very entitled. I’m sure your parents would love to spend time with their grandchildren but it should be free from the responsibility of babysitting… if that’s all you want your parents around for, then good for them for setting boundaries with you.

Spending time with with their grandkids is different from babysitting. Thats on their time, when they choose to. They didn’t birth those kids, you did. It’s no one else’s responsibility besides the parents. There’s nothing wrong with trying to have some time with your man, but if you’re unable to get childcare from your parents and inlaws , then it’s time to look into hiring someone or another avenue for babysitting. Getting mad at the kids grandparents is wrong.

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All I can hear is poor me waah waah it sounds like your not getting your way so chuck a tantrum if one of my kids chucked a tantrum because I wouldn’t babysit it would make me not want to help them when they ask next. I had 6 kids and didn’t get a break and didn’t need it. I help look after some grandkids but that’s because she had twins and her partner worked away for 7 days then off for 7 days they live with me so they can save for a house. it depends why they need me to babysit. I do help now and then but I also like my me time as well as partner time if I babysat all the time I would never get a break I love them dearly but in the end they chose to have kids so pay babysitter and do what you want

I find this sad.
I think grandparents should most definitely want to spend time with their grandchildren. They’re not obligated too of course, but I find it sad when their own grandparents don’t want to watch them twice a month…
I couldn’t keep my parents away from my kids even if I tried.
Mine are 17, 15 and 6 and they’ve been a massive part of their lives almost everyday. They stop in everyday after work, it’s rare there’s a few days that go by and we don’t see them (they are
Divorced but both still live in my neighborhood) my mom just spent the weekend here so me and my husband could go away for the weekend for our anniversary, she stays with the kids. They’ll babysit anytime I ask, my 6 year old currently spends the night every 2nd Friday.
I just find it really sad that grandparents don’t want to spend time with their grand babies… my grandparents always had us and took us places etc.

One thing I’ve learned is no one owes you or anyone anything . You need a service you pay for it , hire a babysitter . It’s not their job to watch your children .

While it’s definitely not their “job” to do this, I can’t imagine as a grandparent NOT wanting to do this. I will absolutely do this for my own kids when they eventually have kids. And as soon as they’ll “let” me. That’s the kind of grandparent I want to be though, I know many are not like that.

Re-read your own last sentence… THEY should want to. so if they don’t want to, they don’t have to. And most definitely not when you feel like it. I understand it’s important to have adult time but it seems like the entitlement is what is making them say no. Plan accordingly to go out when they offer to stay with the kids or maybe cut down to a couple hours vs all night. But definitely don’t make it seem like they HAVE to, because then they really won’t.

Hire a professional sitter. It’s not your parents job and you shouldn’t expect it from them either. They have raised their kids, maybe they want to enjoy their free time.

My husband and I raised three kids without anyone watching them overnight every other weekend. We don’t watch our grandkids every other weekend. You chose to be parents. Watch your kids or pay for a sitter.

I don’t have grandparents to help watch my children. I’d be happy if they were alive, especially my dad. My mom is in a nursing home with really bad dementia. She’s the only one still alive. If they want to they should do it on their time not on yours. If you want a particular day, compensate them somehow. Sweeten the deal for them. They have a life, too. You shouldn’t just expect them to. Not all grandparents are the same. Some will drop everything and raise your child. Some want their independence now they don’t have children to hold them back in the home. Whatever their reasoning is they don’t have to. Find someone else trust worthy and pay them. Also, why does it have to be a whole night? Why not a few hours, long enough for your man to enjoy the " dinner and a movie"?. Doesn’t have to be that just the time it might take to do that and then pick them up. So many ways you can enjoy some time with your hubby. Even at home with the kids put to bed.

Agree with your parents. Although I choose to have mine over, it is my choice. My parents never watched my kids overnight and I didn’t just assume they would. I asked twice, they said yes, but when I got there they were leaving and had forgot. They had made other plans with friends. I never asked for an over night again. They did watch them some times during the day.

I’m sorry but this just comes off so entitled that I have to say YES YOU ARE!
You and your man made these kids. I made 5 of my own and I understand the need to focus on your relationship as a couple but that’s not your parents’ issue. They raised their kids… based on this post, they seem to have spoiled their kids a bit too. It’s NOT their job, responsibility or obligation to take your kids so you and your man can “get away from the kids”.
You “feel like” they should want to spend time with their grandkids. It doesn’t seem like that part matters as much to you as having a free place to dump your kids overnight guilt free. You’re making “spending time with the grandkids” into a biweekly obligation and that’s not fair to your parents or your kids.
Do you spend time with your parents with your kids? Do you let your parents spend time with your kids on your parents schedule? Maybe consider asking for them to take them overnight once in a while and don’t make it an ongoing commitment that you are somehow requiring them to make…
Do you really feel like they should WANT to spend time with your kids as much as you believe they should be taking them when you want them to? Because as I said, it’s really not their responsibility to take them overnight on a regular schedule so you guys can go out. That’s totally different from wanting to spend time with their grandkids

They’re right! Hire a sitter and let the grandparents have visits when it’s a good time for everyone. Nobody likes to be "voluntold " to babysit! When you’re their age you will understand about finally being free.

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If each set of grandparents watch then once a month for one overnight I feel like it’s a good thing. Unless they aren’t physically able, why wouldn’t grandparents want to spend time with their grandchildren once a month? If it’s the over night, maybe hire a college student to come in and stay late til you guys get home.

Yes your in the wrong. They are your kids not your parents kids. You and your partner chose to have them so it is not your parents responsibility to care for them if they don’t want to. Spending time with them is one thing but over night can be to much specially if the child is young and energetic.

They should want too, but they have also raised their children. Also how old are they? Are they retired or do they still work? Ik I wouldn’t wanna work a full week then come home and watch a child/baby when I was 60 or so, even 50 or so.

You chose to have kids, they didnt choose to be born. It is nobody elses responsibility to watch your kids bc you want date night. I understand that relationships need date nights but your kids need you just as much. Maybe back date night down to once a month and hire a sitter. I never expected my family to watch my kids. If they couldnt go, we didnt go. Maybe plan a family date night once a month and invite the grandparents as well. Maybe the grandparents are tired and want to have their own time. If you have your parents cherish them and the time with them bc they will not be here forever!

Do you have what they consider crazy rules, or are the kids so undisciplined they just do not want to deal with it? Grandparents use to be looked at as an extended parent, now people want their parents to watch their kids but only on their terms , so this could be going both ways. Do they still work? Maybe that plays a part and Friday is their date night.

This is both are the a-hole. You for assuming it’s expected they watch a child overnight and them for not just asking to spend time with the kid… but to expect them to want to give up their Friday night to watch a kid is rude. They can get the kid on a Wednesday afternoon for icecream and the park then bring them back home or come over for dinner with all of you and enjoy and play a game or something. It’s absolutely NOT ok to expect them to watch your kid. They raised their kid. In their generation you didn’t get “time off” every other weekend. Hire a damn babysitter and go once a month. If you can’t budget that, oh well. You just don’t get to have that “time off”. Having a date night can happen at HOME after the kid is asleep.
There HAS to be something MORE to this if BOTH sets of parents aren’t up to it. Makes me think something else is up. Is the kid an infant? Are you married? Are you two young? If the answer to all three is yes, then they are teaching you a lesson. How many people don’t live near a parent who they expect to take a kid overnight? How do that do it? They are INDEPENDENT and hire someone. :woman_shrugging:
They already raised you too and the fact you just assume it’s ok is probably the issue ESPECIALLY if you two are a young couple. It’s going to show you that having a kid isn’t something you can escape from AND if you are a younger couple AND live with one set of them, they are already helping you two out. Just saying. There are more details that go with this for two sets of separate parents refusing to “babysit” overnight. You seem entitled.

Some gran parents like myself would kill to have more time with their gran kids I don’t understand it- if the child is very young I can maybe understand but parents deserve a break as well not every week maybe once or twice a month over night bit I would be happy for more time I love it expecting to watch them is wrong but any gran parent would be it should be happy to spend time with their gran children
Enjoy your time away

They Are Not obligated to babysit for you guys whenever you want. Just because they are family, does not mean they need to, have to help you.
If working on you and your hubs relationship is so important, why can’t y’all just hire a regular sitter instead of being bitter your parents wont jump around screaming for joy to baby sit

I know my mom will babysit my daughter for me anytime I ask. Her 6 grandchildren are her world. She has some health issues and being around them keeps depression from setting in. However, a person’s willingness to do favors often gets tainted when it becomes a demand or expectation or is being taken advantage of. I feel like the original poster demanding that the grandparents watch the child is the issue here not that the grandparents don’t want to. It is your job as a parent to figure out child care if you wanna go out. It is not the grandparents job to provide that for you, unless they choose to.

They raised their kids already (assuming). That is a privilege for them to babysit for you. You are not entitled to that. Yes, they should want to spend time with them. NO THEY ARE NOT OBLIGATED. WELCOME TO PARENTHOOD.

I think you are wrong. They didn’t decide to have kids, you guys did. They did their duty raising you. I’d like to do that too as I have 2 kids and 1 on the way but that doesn’t mean I’m getting mad at my mom for not watching my kids. That’s an assholish thought tbh.

At least once a month or every 2 months….that’s so much Fridays to put on the grandparents….might as well hire a nanny because they are paid to watch kids. I use to be a nanny and that was my job all the time. I loved it because I worked with kids and I got paid. The mom would be gone all weekend long. Now that I am a mom, i only go out once a month and my daughter is with her dad. (We don’t live together and aren’t together). I ask just once a month because most of the time I want to be with my daughter.

My second comment… why have a kid if you “need to get away”. Perhaps you should have considered that before you had a kid🤷‍♀️
And I see so many others that are young parents and seeing them saying that they don’t understand why a grandparent wouldn’t want to watch their grandkid as much as possible since they were “raised” by their grandparents …. Why would you want someone who wasn’t a fully capable parent keeping YOUR child?
We have truly raised a whole generation of entitled people. It’s sad and comical. YOUR grandparents didn’t go out to get away from their kid or kids every other weekend but god forbid you give up a social life for a while human you created. Ain’t so easy now is it? Nope!!! It’s called being a parent. What do army moms do overseas? What do single Moms do?
For SOME reason being a “single mom” is “cool” now … and seeing how the OP said “my man” leans towards meaning they are not married. Once you step foot in the REAL adult world then going out to party isn’t a thing anymore like when single and no kids. It’s called growing up.
This screams “I’m 20 and have a kid and me and my man live in my moms finished basement, pay measly rent so it looks like I have responsibility and have no real goals and expect them to just be ok with taking my kid to “help me out” even though half of all my living expenses are paid for by my mom because I’m spoiled and just expected having a baby would solidify my relationship, I won’t be a statistic, and flaunt a perfect life on Facebook when I can’t even rent a one bedroom apartment on my own but I chose to be irresponsible and have a kid before I started a real life and my mommy and his mommy SHOULD want to help us”…. That’s how this feels.

I don’t think her point, is that IT’S THEIR JOB. It must just be heart breaking that twice a month they don’t WANT that time with those sweet babies. :broken_heart:

Wanting to spend time with their grandkids and being gaslighted into doing so are completely different. Maybe they have things they want to do with each other too?
Personally, my mom would take our kids any chance she could but I don’t expect her to drop all of her plans to watch my children who are our responsibility just so we can go out to “be without kids”.
If you want a baby sitter then… hire a sitter. Relying on family to watch your kids for free constantly is just taking advantage.

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How old is the kid? Maybe he doesn’t sleep through the night yet, still needs a bottle and diaper changed. That is a lot to ask your older parents to do. Maybe don’t ask for him to spend the night. They might not have so much of a problem having him for a few hours.

You’re not wrong to ask. It’s ok to ask. They said no. They’re allowed to say no.
I could understand being disappointed at being told no. That would make sense to me.
The reaction you’re having to being told no isn’t just simply being disappointed and that’s the problem.

  1. Babysitting isn’t necessarily the same as “spending time with” ESPECIALLY at ages where the babysitting comes with so much additional responsibility.
  2. Number one is PARTICULARLY true if the only time you want them to spend time with your child is when you’re asking them to babysit. Because at that point you’re using spending time with your child to try to manipulate them into babysitting.
  3. It’s wonderful when family helps out with babysitting -truly it is- I know this as my family watched my oldest while I worked and they’ve helped out here and there since I quit my job.
    But…it’s important for you to understand that when they do that…they’re doing you a FAVOR. They’re not obligated to watch your child just because it’s their grandchild.
  4. you want date nights. You want to focus on your marriage with your husband. Ok. Fair enough…but maybe you should try applying that to the grandparents.
    They took care of and raised their children. For years that was their primary focus.
    Their children are now grown. Now is a time where they can focus on themselves, their marriages, their friendships, and their life outside of being parents.
    If they’re still working it’s even more likely that their weekends are important to them.

I’d give all this all some real thought. Try to see the grandparents as PEOPLE first. Try putting yourself in their shoes (a family member expects you to be a built in babysitter. Get up with their INFANT off and on all night twice a a month. Meaning realistically you’d give up your whole weekend) and see how you would feel.
Then try reevaluating your expectations and feelings around the grandparents.
Then try having a conversation with them.
All night twice a month is a lot (especially at your child’s age) but maybe they’d be willing to babysit for a few hours one day during the weekend once a month instead.

Your parents are right. They’ve done their job raising their own children. They’re in titled to do as they wish in their golden years. If that means not having grandkids over for the night, so be it!

It’s their time to do with as THEY wish. Not the other way around.

You think your entitled to a FREE night out every other weekend? Lmao go hire a babysitter. Especially an overnight? Lmao I realize I’m weird about being away from my kids that often, however that’s a bit much to ask of someone every other weekend for free.

My moms co-workers complain all the time that their children have the same mentality as you. It’s not that they don’t want to watch their grandchildren, it’s that they don’t want to feel obligated to do it. I rarely ask my mom to babysit, but she does 90% of the time that I ask. I’ve only ever been upset about her not watching him if she says yes then backs out at the last minute. She’s raised her children and is under no obligation to raise mine.

I think it’s a privilege to have grandparents that want to be involved. Especially if the relationship is healthy and they respect you as a person and mother. But it should not be abused. I would hope mine would want them atleast once a month, other then that get a babysitter.

I do believe parenting never ends even when you have your own kids, but some parents don’t wanna be parents again… and some kids just expect it… which isn’t right

You’re in the wrong because you think they have to and sound entitled. I don’t even know the last time me and my partner had a date night we live a couple hours away from our family that were close with. My grandparents will take my older kids during summer for abit , March break and Christmas break that’s it . Every other weekend is alot

I found that when my mom retired she did not want to “commit “ to anything so I never asked her to babysit unless I was desperate; nevertheless because I did not ask or make it seem like a commitment my parents would take all of the grandchildren at least once a month. Absence makes the heart grow fonder and my Husband and I had at least 1 night out a month.

you are and you aren’t. you are because you make it sound forced. i always ask if they would like too and not every other weekend. my kids also ask when they want too. its different if you are being forceful vs actually wanting them to spend time together.

I feel like it’s the demanding schedule you’re trying to impose on their lives. They’re not coparenting your child with you. They’re grandparents.
Why not have at home date nights after bedtime? My husband and I eat ice cream and build legos or watch a show after the kids go to bed.

You sound very entitled. 2 nights a month is a stretch. Should they want to spend time with your child? Yes, but on there terms, not yours. Most people are lucky to be able to go out a couple times a year. If they don’t ever spend time with your child then that’s there loss!

You’re both right. They should want to spend time with then However at the end of the day you guys wanted to have kids so it’s your responsibility

I see both sides. But every other weekend is pretty frequent. I get why they don’t want the kids that often. They have lives, too. Maybe offer them once a month and see what happens. Or ask them for their opinion on it. If you want to go out that often, then find a babysitter. :woman_shrugging:t2:

I’d just pay a babysitter! U should atleast be glad the grandparents are part of their lives at all!

Not their responsibility and you risk harming their relationship by forcing the children on them. Find a babysitter!

My parents used to keep my kids 1 night a year, our anniversary. And they haven’t done that since before Covid. You shouldn’t expect your parents to keep your kids it is your job to raise them

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I would talk with your parents and see what their schedule is like and see what day of the week would work for them. My dad and his wife watch my daughter often on Tuesday evenings when I go to an appointment. I wouldn’t ever expect them to be available regularly on a weekend night, as they are very busy and social people especially on weekends. If you want to go out on Fridays, sounds like you need to pay a babysitter! And yes I don’t think you should assume your parents would want to babysit ever- especially on an evening they want to relax.

Maybe make it once a month instead of twice a lot of people don’t want to take on that commitment. Luckily my mom would watch my kids for me but now since we moved away have to pay someone or do a movie night at home. You can always hire a babysitter.

I wad raised by both grandparents on both sides of the family thank God they took care of me my parents were young & they both had issues & couldn’t take care of us kids me & my siblings. I am a mother I had my moms help with my daughter but then she died when my daughter was 2 & a half yrs & my dad was there to then he made choices that I couldn’t have his help with my child. I had 2 more children & its hard being single parent & I wish my children had their grandparents like I did. I told my dad I wish he made better choices so my children can be in his life. It’s nice to have help with the kids. I never really get break from my kids. And I believe in the saying it takes a village to raise a child. Help is good especially from grandparents. At least spend time with your grandchildren why wouldn’t they want to spend time with their grandkids? I loved having my grandparents and I wish my kids had theirs for real :pray::pray:

I’m retired. I love my grandchildren to death and do babysit occasionally. BUT…you are wanting your parents to take on a job of every other weekend. Say Friday evening to Saturday when you get up and around and come get the kids.

Nope. As I said, I’m retired. I want to do things when I want to do them. Travel if I want to. Sleep late if I want to. Go out if I want to. Hire a babysitter to come to your house and spend the night. Let the grandparents be just that, not an employee that works for free.

Yep, you’re wrong. They raised theirs and you need to raise yours. You chose to have a kid and it’s no one else’s obligation to “babysit” for you. It’s their right to have their grandkids on their terms when they want to and not when you feel they should or be obligated and commit to do so every other weekend. They have a life too. Hire a babysitter if you want to “get away” which we all need to do now and then but being pissed at the grandparents is not right. Sounds like you’re wanting a free sitter at your beck and call…not these days. You had em, you raise them :woman_shrugging:t3:

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