I need some advice. Am I bad person for not liking a baby?
A few years ago a mutual friend and his girlfriend introduced me to my boyfriend. This couple had been dating for 5 years already. When my boyfriend and I started dating the mutual friend will bug my boyfriend and tell him to stop doing cute shit for me because his girlfriend would give him shit because I would post it and his girl will see and ask him why he didn’t do that for her. 8 months into our relationship we got pregnant, too soon but we realized we loved eachother enough to want to get married and have this baby. We ended up telling this couple because obviously they were close friend and I was pulled to the side and told by the mutual friend he had to talk to me about my boyfriends lifestyle. I brushed it off but curiosity hit…and I gave in and went over to talk to both of them. Their the mutual friend and his girlfriend tried to convince me my bf was raised different because we are of different race and money backgrounds. Meaning I’m Mexican and broke and he’s rich and Caucasian. They told me to tell his parents I was pregnant so one ,the parents can give me money for an abortion or two, they will give us money to raise the kid…because they were “Rich”. The whole time I was there it was very uncomfortable and the mutual friends gf would awww and turn to look at him as if saying “why can’t u do this for me?” I didn’t tell my boyfriend and we ended up a month in later having issues in which I started to bleed out. I had a misscarriage at 19 weeks. My boyfriend was so strong for both of us and we leaned on those friends for help because they were the only ones aside from my family and his that knew. The same week of our misscarrige…not even 4 days after we get a text in a massive group chat with other friends of my boyfriend that they were expecting and they were due in early june… after my due date that was in may. I broke down crying and didn’t know what to reply. Obviously all the friends congratulated them and my boyfriend and I just sank into a deep depression for a few days. It was honestly the first time I’ve seen him cry. A few months later the boyfriend spoke to the mutual friend and he let my boyfriend know that he gave in after so many years because she’s girlfriend had gotten mad at him because in her words “him and i had been dating for 8 months and decided to have a baby” and that she threw the I have been with you for years and you won’t marry/propose to me or give me a baby so he figured the baby was a easy way to shut her up. When my boyfriend told me I busted out crying and told him I couldn’t see their relationship or that baby as something meaningful. He agreed and we just kept living our life. We went to the baby shower and it was awkward because that day I had posted about how much I love my boyfriend for something he did for my kids (kids from previous relationship)and his friend made it so weird by saying how I didn’t thank him for introducing my boyfriend to me in the post…I wanted to say well you should thank us for getting pregnant first for this baby shower but I bit my tongue. So now the baby is born and the boyfriend and i havent bothered to visit or say anything. I see pictures of the baby and I wish I could dislike them. I know it’s not the babys fault or anything but I feel like I’m a shitty person for feeling like this. I’m sure I’m still grieving. This loss was pretty painful. I had been wating another baby for a while with the right person. Obviously we have planned when we will try for another but the whole thought of what we went through still hurts.