Am I a bad person to walk away?

My boyfriend & I have been together for about a year and a half. I was already pregnant by another man when we met and immediately he stepped up to the plate. He was there throughout my whole pregnancy and even for the birth. But we took a break for about 5 months because I felt like I didn’t heal from my last relationship (my ex was a narcissist and becoming abusive.) But now that my new man and I decided to get back together he finds out he got another girl pregnant while we were on break. He said he’ll do what he can on his part for the baby but said he still wants to be with me. My question is what should I do? I love him so much but I’m honestly hurt from this. Would it make me a bad person to walk away from this since he was there for me when I was pregnant?
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Wow! You need to get yourself right before you can be with anyone. Getting pg and immediately finding someone else?? This is not healthy normal behavior. Focus on you kid and get to the bottom of why you choose unhealthy relationships and men.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Am I a bad person to walk away? - Mamas Uncut

Yous was on a break so I don’t see the problem if I’m honest… if he was single then I don’t see a bad thing about it if I’m honest and he’s a decent guy saying he will do the part with the baby (least he’s not dying he will walk away from the baby and never help and provide for the baby as it is his baby)…

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It’s natural to be hurt but if you really love him I would find a way to work through it. He didn’t cheat.

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Why is it fair for him to be there and support you but not the other way around? I’m not sure why your hurt honestly you guys weren’t together and clearly this wasn’t something he planned

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I’m not entirely sure why there is any reason to walk away…? He stepped up for you when there was absolutely no reason to, most likely had a fling while you guys were not together, accidentally got a girl pregnant, and now still wants to be with you now that you are ready and step up and raise his child and help with yours…? What is the problem here?

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If you want to walk then do so but you can’t really blame him for questioning you if you do walk away… personally I don’t see why you should walk away tbh… he was single when he got another girl pregnant, he’s been there for your baby which actually ain’t his etc by sounds of it he sounds decent, he’s took on your baby that’s not his, he’s got another girl pregnant but said he will do the part for the baby! Some guys walk away if they get a get a for pregnant when not in a relationship… it’s entirely up to you though x

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U took a break. It’s not like he cheated. He stepped up and fathered a child that is not his and now it time for u to do the same.

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Uh yeah you would be a terrible person to walk away especially after he stepped up to the plate when he didn’t even have to. He didn’t even cheat on you since you’re the one who broke up with him for 5 months cause you felt like u didn’t heal enough from an abusive relationship. He didn’t even have to tell you about the other woman being pregnant but he did because he has enough of respect for you to tell you the truth. If you can’t accept him just cause of him having a child with another woman because u wanted to break up with him then u don’t deserve this man at all whatsoever and he deserves to be with someone who will love him no matter what. U say you love him but do you honestly if you’re this hurt about this?

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You have another baby daddy. He’s gonna have another baby mama. Be a grown up and deal with it :slight_smile:

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You broke up. Basically not to be rude, he took on your baby from another man now your questioning doing the same.5month is long break, he didn’t cheat. If you need to question then he isn’t person for you as he obviously didn’t question when took on another man’s child.

Yes because he didn’t cheat. He had sex while you were on a break. A break that you needed mind you. I think it shows that you don’t love him like you say you do or this would not be an issue.

Tbh I would really try to become okay with the situation and work it out. Sounds like a good guy. But it’s not your fault if you can’t. Everyone has their own boundaries and his may differ from yours. It’s unfair to just expect that you’re okay with the situation

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He didn’t cheat. You both took a 5 month break. Not sure why you would walk away. Sounds selfish.

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Ok…so he can support you and a baby that isn’t his, but you can’t do the same for him? Wow. You were on a break. You were not together. This one blows my mind.

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He didn’t cheat and get some girl pregnant, y’all were split up. This man was there for you and your baby that wasn’t even his and you can’t do the same for him? HE should leave YOU.

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I understand the people saying that it isn’t fair for her to not be there but it’s also not fair to him or that other child if her heart truly couldn’t 100% want to be there. Selfishly if you want to walk away then do it because being in a situation because you feel guilty not to be isn’t healthy for any of you.

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You wanted the break did you expect him to just sit around pining for you. So he’s got a baby on the way support him and make sure y’all take responsibility for his baby

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You have zero obligation to anyone but your baby. Take some time to focus on both becoming parents, separately, and then decide what’s best for you and your child.

ETA: You can decide to walk away from your boyfriend for whatever reason, at any time. It’s you and your child’s life and if you think it’s best to not be in a relationship with someone then don’t be. You have no obligation to keep him since the tables have turned. Honestly it sounds like a pretty messy situation and there’s a lot going on for you both… focus on YOU! Best of luck

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You broke up with him after he stepped up to care for another man’s baby. Did you expect him to sit and wait for you? It’s unfair for him to care for your baby and you to be mad about him having a baby after you broke it off. I think everyone especially that baby, would be better off if you break up.

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You guys weren’t together so the baby wasn’t conceived through an affair so if I was you I would still love and support him he might also be worried about the other woman being pregnant but wants to do the right thing by the baby but also by you.

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If you didn’t have an agreement on not seeing other people, then… accidents do happen. Another question, did you see other people? What if you got pregnant during the break? You by no means HAVE to stay bc he did. Everyone knows what they can handle. And certain situations change the way people feel about each other. But if the only reason is he got someone pregnant during a time you weren’t together…

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No if you need to walk away do it. Dont involve a child in a relationship you dont want. Ive walked away from a relationship cause i didnt like his kid. It sounds bad but raising a child around someone that doesnt want to be there can be damaging to childrens mentality. Once kids are involved its about their lives/safety 1st. This kid desreves to be raised by humans that love him/her

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Even Stevens you both have kids with other people - he seems willing enough to try for both kids it could actually be something great

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If he truly loved you he would have waited for you i say follow your heart

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No it doesn’t make you a bad person.
I don’t understand why you feel this way, but that doesn’t make your feelings any less valid.
If you don’t want to be with him anymore then don’t be with him anymore.
I personally think you may regret it tho bc he didn’t do anything wrong in getting that girl pregnant. You ended things. He owed you nothing at the time.

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You’re hurt???!!! You dumped him to work on yourself. He was without you by your choice. What was He suppose to do, be celibate and wait for you to finish fixing yourself. I’d be thankful He is willing to give you time of day.

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Depends if this was a mutual we need a break and if it was discussed before the break if ya’ll would be staying faithful to eachother or not during that break.

I do personally think it’s a bit harsh double standards type thing

What is the reason your wanting to split ?

Coz he has a child with someone else (biologically) ??

If it’s that then I can see why you may be anxious but don’t ruin a good thing over something that may or may not happen

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Yall judge too much shes probably hurting this child is his biologically alsorts will go threw her mind. Will he treat them both the same etc not just about her raising his child coz he did the same there’s more too it.
But if you love him and he loves you make it work x

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Your hurt? Y’all weren’t together and shit happens. He stepped up for you, step up for him if you truly love him. Sounds like a good man to me to step up for a baby that wasn’t his AND stepping up for his new one. That’s a man worth keeping in my opinion :woman_shrugging:

You were on a break :woman_shrugging:t3:

It doesn’t make you a bad person. You gotta do what’s best but you were on a break and I don’t see why you having a kid wasn’t an issue but now it’s the other way round it is. You can’t have it both way

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Think u probably answered yr own question by asking , u just want someone to say it the right decision, but only u know that one x

That’s what happens during breaks​:fearful::fearful::woozy_face::woozy_face:

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Walk away. He deserves to be given what he is willing to give and HAS given you! He deserves real love not the selfishness you have to offer.

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Unless you like drama, walk away.

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No, you’re not obligated to do anything. But you need to leave if you can’t love his kid like your own.

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I get why everyone is upset with her. But she realized she jumped into a relationship before she was healed. Unless you’ve ever been in a relationship with a narcissist you may not understand the mental brutality of it. She probably has PTSD from it and certain situations provoke fear and the runaway response. She’s being honest that she can’t mentally handle knowing he did the most intimate things with someone else, even if they were apart. It breaks you down again mentally. My advice would be to tell him that you need time to see if you can handle it. Be completely honest with him on how you feel. And if you can’t do it, walk away. You at least let him know the truth. There is nothing wrong with doing what’s best for you after all you have been through.

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I’m currently 30 weeks pregnant with a baby. That child’s father stepped away from being a full-time step parent to my other children because my oldest is special needs.

He’s still around to babysit when I have no one else and when the kids ask to see him :woman_shrugging:t2: All I’m saying is that you can’t force anyone to be in a relationship they don’t want.

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You guys were not together.
If he can step up and raise another’s mans child! You can help him raise his.

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Everyone is different and what he accepted doesn’t mean you have to. It’s a different circumstance.
What was the reason for the break? Might be a red flag.

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No it doesn’t make you a bad person… don’t feel guilty … that’s not a good enough reason to stay with someone… only stay if this person is truly who you want to be with… if you feel that you can except what’s happened and work with that .

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I mean tbh he supported you when you were knocked up by another man. You guys weren’t together when he knocked up someone else. I feel if you love him and want to be with him, he seems like the type to make sure you feel loved and will be there for you and his own child equally. If you’re the jealous territorial type then I suggest you leave.

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Walk away. He already now has his own child and you wanted the break . What will happen when he is with the other woman and his child are you going to want a break again.

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Your wasn’t together. Work it out.

Unfortunate turn of events but maybe u both just need time 2 sort things out. Hurt feelings do heal. Time does sort things out. Don’t rush. I’d wait til his baby comes n see what transpires. Stay on good terms n keep the lines of honest communication open.

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You were on a break! He’s stood by you and a baby that isn’t yours! You know what let him go sounds like he deserves better

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You were on a break… you had anther man’s baby…

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You were on a break… He stuck by you pregnant by someone else but you cant do the same? Isn’t that kinda the pot calling the kettle black? If that’s the only reason you’re leaving yeah it’s kind of messed up. But if there’s more to it that’s different.

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If you have any doubt about this relationship listen to it!! Your intuition is speaking to you!! Do not put in any more time because you feel bad you will never get that time back and it might turn into resentment …

I was in a relationship with a narcissist for 16 years and didn’t listen to my intuition screaming at me until one day I listened and left best decision I’ve made… I can finally breath but it is taking a lot of work to heal myself and love myself the way I need!!

Also what others think about you (I know easier said then done) does not matter this is your life you only get one do not worry about their opinions if you are not happy then get happy how ever that looks to you love!!

Do what is best for you and that baby listen to yourself because at the end of the day you are all you got and you have to live with yourself and the decisions you make… :black_heart::v:t5::heart:

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Honestly, walk away and leave the guy alone. Chicks like you i can not stand. You expect him to be there for your kids but you cant be there for his, smh. He deserves better and so does his child.

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So he got into a relationship with you when you were pregnant and stepped up, but now that he wants to try again and has another girl pregnant from a breakup you’re mad… girl you’re calling the kettle black… he stuck by you. Stick.by him if you both want this

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You were not together so he didn’t do anything wrong. You have to decide for yourself if that is something you can come to accept or not. But you are not a bad person if you decide to walk away. Do what makes you happy.

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I 100% understand why you would be upset. While you were healing, he was sleeping with someone else. Together or not, it’s hurtful.
Especially after being in an abusive relationship with a narcissist, that is so damaging. I’m so thankful you were able to get out, certainly not all do.

That being said, they are different circumstances, and you get to decide what you are comfortable with.

It sounds like you love him and have a lot of hurt from it. I don’t think the question is between walking away or not. I think it’s totally appropriate to need space to continue to heal and process and then make a decision.
I totally recommend counseling, if you’re not all ready.

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I mean you can’t really get mad, because y’all was on a break atm… and he stepped up and took responsibility of a child that’s not even his….

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Sorry I had to. But you guys wernt together at the time for a good amount of time. He is helping you raise a baby not his you can do the same :woman_shrugging:

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He should be there for his child and his babymom… im sorry, but for the betterment of the new life. You should let him go. I think.

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If you love him and he loves you, your relationship may b tested but never broken. :black_heart:
If there are trust issues , it will cause u alot of heartache in the long run and trust issues are very hard to overcome.
Also, another obstacle will b the mother of the child. Trust me, she’ll put you and your relationship to the test.
All I can tell you is that if he means what he says, loves you and wants to build long term, he needs to step up: totally up and put a ring on it.
Best of luck to you. :black_heart:

This is ridiculous, how double standard can you get? You sound like a gold digger. Literally crying about he got another girl pregnant while y’all were broken up, so you ain’t gonna deal with that but you loved the idea that he was okay with you being pregnant by someone else and was gonna step up.

Do the guy a favor and leave him, if you’re just gonna use the poor dude.

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So he was supposed to lock himself away while you decided what to do, was he? He was willing to step up for your kid that isn’t even his, but you’re pissed because he wants to do the same for his own kid?

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This is perfect for an opportunity to have a blended family,you two will understand each other better now

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YOU WERE NOT TOGETHER!!! How can you be upset with him for living his own life when you were apart?

Either accept it or not and then move on!

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Hypocrite…yous weren’t together at the time he got her pregnant! YOU ended it with him, for ur own reasons and that’s fine! But he stepped up to the plate when you were pregnant when you met. If you loved him like you said you do you’d stick by him! It’s not like he cheated on you or anything!

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My husband and I separated and I was with someone else. I don’t think he’s ever really let it go.

I agree with another one on here that it’s ok to feel hurt by it. Question is can you move forward from it?

I would try and give it some time and see what happens. He may love you and mean what he says

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So he step up for you.

You wasn’t together you can be hurt over his actions. He’s a dad willing to step up for you and it’s own kid except it or leave

You ran into another mans arms before you was fully healed and ready to move on. Can’t blame him.

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You as a couple had reasons to take a break. He sounds like a good guy but only the two of you know the reason for the 5 months apart. My opinion is I hope he looks at himself and realizes he has a child coming he steps up and is there for her like he was you. You aired his laundry but not yours. I’m guessing you stayed faithful??? I hope in this web the children don’t pay the price.

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I think its great that he wants to be with you bit still wants to step up for his baby. Honestly, I think you should be grateful because it sounds like you actually have an amazing man

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Seems like a double standard he stepped up for you and your child so if the only reason your having second thoughts is because he now has a child that’s pretty petty and self centered in my opinion ( the baby was conceived while you didn’t know what you want he wasn’t obligated to be alone for who knows how long for you to maybe choose him! Therefore you have no right to be hurt or mad that he was trying a relationship with someone else). But truth be told if your gonna be bitter or feel some type away about this baby do him a favor and walk away!!! It’s your turn are you women enough to step up and help support him in being a father to his baby cause if not sit down so he can find a women that will!!!

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He got someone else pregnant while you were broken up. Now you want to hold that against him? Yeah hun you’re in the wrong. You weren’t together when he was with her. He didn’t chest on you. I get you don’t want to deal with another woman being in his life forever & you’re mad that that she will be the mother of his first biological child. But that’s not his fault.

did u sleep.with anyone else while yall was on break you dont have a right to be upset with him his outcome of it is different than yours is all atleast hes stepping up to make sure kids are good

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Well, if you’d let him step up to the plate for you, why would you not for him?

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If you’re even thinking about leaving him over this, do it. Because, once the baby mama drama starts, you’ll wish you would have walked away.

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So you left him for 5 months, probably to try and work things out with your child dad’s. That didn’t work out you go back and found he got someone pregnant and you are mad about it wow. He stepped up for you. Why can’t you do the same. Yes it may seem like he cheated but I bet you didn’t set any limits on what can or can’t be done.

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I get that people are saying double standars but if you get back with him and aren’t over the fact that he got another girl pregnant while you weren’t together. It’ll just cause problems dealing with baby mommas could be a nightmare. It’s really up to you on what you could handle. It’s not bad for you to walk away if you can’t handle your emotions. Think of you and your baby first. Make sure you feel like the choice you make is a healthy one for you.

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I understand what you mean.

You weren’t together, and he was free to see other people.

Now it wasn’t just sex / let’s move on. That’s a different ball game. There’s a baby.

The same way he’s ready to take on step daddy are you ready to be step mama?

If not, go.

You asked for the break. You can feel hurt yes but in the end of it you ultimately started the situation. I think it would be a mistake to walk away but I’m not you. You have to ask yourself if you can get over it and move on being happy with him and accepting his child as yours.

Smh :woman_facepalming: imma just say this. If you do walk away ,make sure you’re healed fully before jumping in a new relationship again.

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I’m sorry but that would make you a hypocrite point blank! You guys were not together so he did nothing wrong at that he stepped up to be the man in your childs life! Girl you are the reason good men run and hide god dont like ugly and well karma is a bitch.

Wow… people can be so unpleasant…
If you don’t think you can accept it then don’t get back together with him, It’s not fair to anybody in the situation.

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You weren’t together when it happened , however wanting to be with you in a relationship while with another woman is a stretch don’t you think?

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you asked for the break, so why would you hold it against him? just move on and let him take care of his child. he wasn’t worried about your feelings when he was raw dogging someone else. you both should cut your losses.

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no walk away quietly. He will be going back and fourth with you and the another female. You wont be happy about it. If anything stay friends.

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really there’s no such thing as a “break” only a break up

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It doesnt matter what the situation is honestly. If you don’t want to be with him then don’t. It is your choice to make.

I understand you being hurt because not only did he find someone that fast but he didn’t wear protection. Other then that he stuck by you so you should at least try to stick with him through this.

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Nah! You keep repeating the same cycles! Move on and take care of what really matters! Your child.

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If you have any questions about being with him, then you should end things and let him raise the other child with the woman he got pregnant and be with her. This whole situation seems really hard but if you have doubts you should do the right thing.

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It’s not like he cheated and my I remind you that he stepped up for you and another man’s baby

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YOU chose to leave. You don’t get monogamy when you break up. You’re 100% a hypocrite if it’s ok for you to get knocked up by someone else but his accident is a problem.

So yes. Leave. He deserves better than that cuz is 100% selfish. You can’t have your cake and eat it too

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You are allowed to feel how you feel. However, you weren’t together when this happened. He didn’t cheat, he was loyal until you decided to leave. If you aren’t fully sure you want to be with him, then save him another heartbreak and move on with your own life. 5 months is quite a lot of time. And accidents happen.

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Girl walk away. You need to heal & he is just gonna go back & forth with baby mom.

Give him a chance. You left him so he moved on but his heart was and is, still yours. Just make sure that you know that you really love him and that you’re ready & willing to make it work. Don’t string him along.

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I mean you weren’t together and you were pregnant when you met him and he stepped up and stood by you. Would be hypocritical for you to walk away now that the roles are reversed

So no one uses condoms

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ARE YOU SE-RI-OUS? Please tell me this is a joke…please….

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Yes he was willing to be there for you baby from another and he didn’t cheat you two took a break right is right

It’s too complicated

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This one is tough. You have every right to be upset that he got another woman pregnant, but what boundaries if any did you set when you decided to “take a break”? If he loved you and wanted to make things work, he wouldn’t have been having unprotected sex with others during that time frame. For all the people saying she is selfish, get bent. She was in a relationship before him when she got pregnant. From what it sounds like, he was out sleeping unprotected with others while telling her he wanted back with her. You aren’t selfish in not wanting to be with him now. The big question is, if you do go back to him can you 100% forget and move on so you can be an awesome step parent to the child or will you resent that baby? You also need to think about your child and how this all will affect him/her.

Your limits aren’t his limits. You were pregnant when you met him. He had no children when you guys first started.

He isn’t wrong for being with other people while you two weren’t together but he has seen first hand what it looks like when men create babies with women they don’t intend to be with so he should have been more careful.

Walk away. It may actually work out for the best if you walk away and he tries to make it work with her because he’s obviously not a bad guy.

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