Some things are more important than money💕
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Feeling insecure in your relationship when you go from spending constant time together to essentially none, is completely valid. It’s also not a “you” problem especially because it’s all his choice. Down to porn. If he is preferring it over you, then he has a problem.
Don’t beat yourself up over not wanting to sacrifice time with your family. It seems like he has different priorities. It doesn’t mean he has someone else but it could potentially be where he is headed with the sudden changes and excluding you from his life essentially. I could understand one or the other changes but not both. Is there still a time you could workout together? If so his excuse to want to go to that gym shouldn’t hold up off of it being on his way, unless he is hiding something.
A therapist will help you feel more confident in those changes 
it sounds like he’s working towards the life you guys have talked about and you’re focused on him sleeping with someone else. Are you cheating? Cause that’s big projection energy unless he’s cheated on you before. 
I see a man trying to make money to provide for his family. There are lots of jobs out there that require you to be away from home. Sometimes those are the sacrifices you need to make to be able to enjoy life later on. I know alot of long haul truck drivers who would be gone weeks at a time. Missing out on alot but doing it to be able to live a comfortable life. They were able to retire early and want for nothing.
It all boils down to trust. If you trust him it shouldn’t be an issue.
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Ouch night shift is rough to begin with but they always pay more and you work your way up the ladder faster doing night shift. Alot can’t handle those hours so never last. He is thinking smart and most likely they want a answer quick so they can fill the position if he turns it down. My husband traveled for work and would be gone for 2 week to 4 weeks each time. I managed to work take care of our child, the house everything. He then found a job with no traveling but night shift. Now he is so use to it you learn how to work around it. As far as the gym goes I don’t see it as a big deal closer to his job in and out situation. If you keep thinking of the what ifs your going to push him away and drive yourself nuts.
Find a place together there and move
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It’s a lot going on at once so you guys are going to have to make changes together and figure it out my husband works a lot it was hard on me at first and for working out we just prefer to do it at home together it’s easier that way and we get the kids involved so they’re learning healthy habits you know and yeah the sex has dropped a little bit but he’s tired and I understand that so when he’s home I try to do you know most of the work when it comes down to it it’s hard it’s stressful when things change so rapidly sit down and tell him how you feel tell him there’s a lot going on and you are stressed out you guys can make certain changes together to work together to compromise and figure it out
I dont think it’s insecurities more than anxiety. You both should write down your priorities and start there.
Then reiterate your concerns. Make adjustments and compromise. YOU GOT THIS, YOU’RE NOT INSECURE
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Be honest with him. See if there is a way for you to still go to the gym together. Find time for each other.
Money isn’t always the more important thing.
Him being home is going to do more for your marriage than the extra money.
You can try to find a compromise. But don’t feel bad for being vocal about your needs.
And him being away doesn’t necessarily mean he’s doing anything. I can get feeling alone or that the family/ he is missing things by him being absent. But not jumping straight to thinking cheating. If he hasn’t given you reason not to trust him i wouldn’t jump to that conclusion.
Trust is a big part of a relationship. And a large percentage of what would make this job work
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He can wake up early and go to the same gym with you. I wouldn’t like this either.
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To me your feelings are valid but also selfish. You say that you need more money to make your dreams come true, but you’re throwing away money at 2 different gym memberships and now the money for him to go work an hour away. In order to have a healthy stable marriage you need to trust each other.
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I would explain the slight pay increase isn’t worth throwing away the marriage. Partners need to spend time together to keep the relationship and if that switch is seriously going to make it where you two never get quality time then it isn’t worth it. I also believe he should maybe go with you to the gym on his days off since it’s something you two used to do together and you miss it.
If you wonder where he actually goes and have doubts, if you have access to his phone at any point, go to Google maps, then hit timeline, and it will show you everywhere he goes in the day.
I’ve dealt with the porn addiction too. It sucks. I told him over and over that I didn’t get married to be a nun and that I have needs as well. After many many years of being neglected and begging for an intimate relationship with my partner, I finally asked for permission to have a side thing since he didn’t care to put in effort for my needs, and basically after that he tries now to keep an intimate relationship going between us. He probably still watches a lot because it was a severe addiction but now he thinks about me too which is all I wanted.
My husband has worked third the majority of our relationship, been together for 8 years and he’s worked third shift for 6.5 of those, and honestly it’s not as bad as it seems. I get it you’re probably the more attached spouse in the relationship where as I’m not, I’m fine with distance and I encourage my spouse to be out and about even on his days off, but truly, it just sounds like he’s looking at the bigger picture. Staying in one place and expecting something great is wishful thinking, moving forward and doing what needs to be done in order to make those great things happen is being proactive. What’s gonna happen down the line when you and him are older and he can’t work night shift because it’s too hard on him but you aren’t where you want to be in life? Then you’ll regret putting your own wants and feelings over what was needed at the time and now you have to hustle to make your life what you’d like.
Idk I guess I’ve never valued money over time. My partner could easily get a job in the mines and all of our stress would be solved money wise. But I’d rather have him home and live paycheck to paycheck if I’m honest. I’d sit him down and be honest. The things you’re describing would make me upset too 
. I really don’t care if that makes me a stage 4 clinger, people have different needs in relationships. If you want him to be home more and make an effort to attend gym with you, especially considering that’s something you 2 have always done, you need to communicate your thoughts on that.
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All of this would bother me too. Im sorry youre going through this. Talk to him.
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You have to make sacrifices to get the life you desire, otherwise you’ll be stuck and stagnant. Stop being selfish and focus on the long term outcome for your family, especially your kids
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No amount of money is worth less time as a family in my opinion. Buying expensive things shouldn’t be the goal in life, it should be your family. Put it this way… would you rather have a life of luxury with basically a non existent spouse who’s overworked, or a humble life where you get to be around your husband and kids more often. There needs to be a compromise.
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Myself being crazy I would stalk him once I read this I instantly thought l”cheating” but that’s just me lol I’ve ween through a lot and I’ll be Dam if someone makes me look like a fool
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I used to work at a place that was really demanding. 12 hour workdays and was supposed to be 4 days on- 3 days off, 3 days on -4 days off. However, it never worked that way due to mandatory overtime. It got to the point I was working 6 to 7 days a week. Yes, the money was good because of all the overtime BUT I was missing my children grow up. I had to work Thanksgiving and Christmas day as those were the holidays that were most demanding as we made shrinkable bags (like for cheese, ham, turkeys and sausage). Anyway, after over 2 years of working there, it came time for my daughter to graduate elementary. I just could not get off for nothing. They were barely letting us have our vacation. It was that moment that I realized something had to give. The value of just my time for my children meant more to them than the money. So… I left. We manage and I do miss the money but the memories I am making with my kids, I value so much more. Life is short. You never know when is the last day so make the most of each day with those you love the most 
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If your feeling something is off it usually is…only way is to sit down together and have a discussion about it… Lay it all out and ask him also to be honest and defiantly ask him if he’s seeing someone…your intuition never lies !!
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It’s something u will have to accept if he’s bringing in more money for the family, time to think more about you, finding a gym buddy to go with, have a couple hours for yourself on the weekend and every once and a while if you don’t already give your self some pamper time. Go buy a sexy outfit. Get your hair and makeup done, walk confidently and feel empowered again. I know how u feel with the hubby situation. Sometimes you just got to think of yourself more than what the hubby could be getting up 2. If you see more money in the account, use some of it for yourself.
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I would take a day off and follow him to see whats happening
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I think you need to work on your insecurities and maybe you guys need some marriage counseling so you can communicate your needs and wants better. Has he ever while at the gym done anything that leads you to truly think he’s trying to cheat and not working out? Is it possible that you guys need to put your desired lifestyle on hold while you figure out your relationship? Bc yalls lifestyle is def gonna be changed if you split up. Maybe he watches porn bc he’s not feeling connected to you as you already think he’s trying to cheat. Who wants to have sex with their partner that doesn’t trust nor respect them? Also curious how you know if he’s “hiding it”? Are you snooping through his things as well? Bc that’s not gonna get your relationship back on track esp when he’s innocent, it’ll just drive a wedge. Good luck and I really really suggest marriage counseling.
Not spending any time together in a marriage is a recipe for disaster.
I think you’re being proactive and trying to address the issues, and he’s making it all about money. I don’t think you’re doing anything wrong I don’t think you’re insecure I don’t think you’re needy and I don’t think he should be making you feel bad for trying to do things to keep a good marriage.
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God has other plans for you . You can’t make a person love you . God will always love you 
. Sounds like you love him more than he love you. Let him go ! His actions are showing you want he wants. Let God lead you, he has a better life for you honey 
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If he works nights, he can take care of the kids during the day while you work
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Do you want the lifestyle, or do you want the relationship?
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I could not do that. Trust your gut!
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Go check it out girl
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My husband has always worked nights about an hour away. And weve always just made it work. As far as you feeling like something is off trust your gut.
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Girl sttttop it. Y’all have a family and have bills to pay
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Imagine he got into construction ,you’d flip shit 
Girl what an hour away isn’t even far, who cares if he goes to a different gym…. It’s for your family
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Yeah he wants no responsibility & is using this as an excuse. He’s already checked out of this marriage & family sadly.
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Its you.
You say you need the money, but dont want to see him go work to better the family.?
Its a no win - win situation.
If he’s sneaking porn then I say something is up. Cause my ex husband did the same thing. And I also believe you need to trust your gut. And if he’s making you feel guilty thats not normal response either so I would also say something is up. One person suggested you follow him. Thats actually a great idea. But don’t have the kids with you cause that’s harmful to them. And if something was up it later could be used against you.
Always follow your gut. I would have too follow him and see for myself. If he wants nights to himself too something is amiss. He will miss out on seeing those kids and you …nah i wouldnt buy it…
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Why do you suspect him cheating has he cheated before sounds like you got some trust issues. If this is the case you need to talk to him and let him know how you feel.
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Having more time with your family, including your husband is far more important than a “lifestyle”. Imo, it seems that there is already much cause for concern. I wish you and your family nothing but the best.
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No job is going to make your dreams come true sorry - A job is only to make the CEO rich and dreams come True not the employees so go and show up at his gym and job
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My man works an hour away but the gym thing is a little sketch unless it’s a job that pays for him a membership at a specific place… but if you’re worried about it you should absolutely investigate lol just… surprise him by going to the gym with him one day. See if kiddos can stay the night with grandma
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Okay so you need the money but don’t want him to work the shift so he can get the money? You’re resentful he took a job that’ll help you and your family realize your dreams? YOU’RE the one with the insecurities and you want him to pay for it. You are going to lose him if you keep acting this way. If he didn’t work it’ll be a problem too right? You’re going to find something wrong no matter what! Appreciate that you have a husband willing to make sacrifices now in order to give his family a better life. CHILL THE HECK OUT AND GO HAVE A SEAT!
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Well. It sounds like your marriage is better than mine but my H and I went to opposite shifts about a month ago and I felt the same. I see him roughly 20 hours a week now. At first, I was not happy with it. At all. The first two weeks were hell. But I’ve since adjusted. Granted, I do feel like we are growing apart but I also feel like I have my own life now. It’s forced me to make friends. It’s forced me to step into the uncomfortable. We don’t fight as much now and honestly, my life is so much easier now. So it isn’t all bad. The porn thing though, that’s just flat out disrespectful and if he’s continuing to do it behind your back knowing you aren’t okay with it, I’d step back and reevaluate. He may have a porn addiction (he may not also). Men who typically continue to do it and hide it after their partners have expressed their feelings on it usually are addicted. They’d rather risk losing their wives and marriages than quit. And that’s a red flag. Men who do it casually and aren’t addicted can usually weigh out the risks and come to the conclusion that it’s not worth it. BUT if it’s not a deal breaker for you, then let it lie. I say that bc you aren’t going to leave over it but you’re continuing to be hurt by it. If it’s something you can and choose to live with, you’re gonna have to learn to accept it and let it go.
Find a way to meet him there, as a surprise… wanted to spend time with him for memories…
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Follow him and see what you find out
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Some things are more important than money.
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Can you surprise him one day at his gym to workout together? It would put your mind at ease and let you both enjoy the activity together again.
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No excuse. He could get up early and go to the same gym and shower and head to work.
If he’s working nights he would still be home in the morning and afternoon?
He sounds fishy.
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All the sudden too !! Yep he cheating
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A persons time is worth more than their money or lifestyle they can give.
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My experience night shift pays more and less hectic. Just talk about it with him. Don’t listen to everyone screaming affair
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I read these things daily, have never commented… until now. Just some experienced insights. That’s an awful lot of change in a short time, for any spouse to adjust to, insecurities or not. I’m sure if my husband was hiding porn , I’d wonder what else he feels inclined to hide, even after I’ve voiced how it makes me feel. Seems that would be an easy fix, just don’t watch it, or be honest in the fact that you have no intentions of stopping. Either way, honesty is definitely not his strong suit already. Especially, if it indeed does get in the way of intimacy with the person that you have right in front of you.
Most people can’t maintain normalcy very long if an affair is happening. There will be noticeable changes in behavior, phone calls/texts, conversations, etc . Don’t analyze every little thing, but trust your gut when things seem to be changing rapidly, with little concern to him of this happening.
Sometimes men get tunnel vision when it comes to money making and being a good provider, and that might be all it is. The hiding of anything though is unacceptable in a marriage, with an entire family involved that it could potentially effect. I wish you all the best.
Reading your post, i see a few issues going on. You need to sit down, and evaluate your feelings. Seems you have a few problems with him but it seems to be solely your problem. You have a problem with him taking the night shift, him going to the gym without you…a different gym…waking up esrlier for fitness, you have a problem with him being neglectful of you, you have a problem with him trying to pick up another shift. Seems you have ZERO trust in your husband, marriage, anddddd yourself. Your husband is living his life but u seem to have lost a bit of the leash/hold u had on him. Do u need to be by his side 24/7 to trust him? The need to control another human being in order for one to feel secured is pretty horrible. I am astonished to read the comments on thos thread. All the red flags i noticed were from an insecured woman. If u csnt trust ur man 100%, then yall dont need to be together.
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Sounds to me like he is cheating. Hire a private investigator
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Thank god I’m not married and never will be! I see so many posts over what marriages can go through or what they do go through I’m so glad I’m not ready for that commitment and never will be I agree with the person that said to go check it out and see what he’s up to that would have been me for sure just because I’ve been cheated on multiple times another reason why I stay single and don’t want to be with anyone best of luck to you!
He’s cheating and doesn’t wanna be with you anymore that’s why he’s doing that
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If he doesn’t work the job an hour away and the shift where y’all don’t see each other then y’alls dreams won’t come true??? How could they come true if you both never see each other anyway? How can anyone enjoy the nice things in life if you’re never there? What’s the point? He’s putting money before the marriage and y’alls happiness. Or he’s making excuses and seeing someone else. Either way he’s in the wrong.
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I feel this post in so many past relationships. Porn IS a form of cheating if BOTH partners are not okay with it. I’ve been told before “if you don’t want a broke man you’ll have a busy man”. I fully understand that statement and it isn’t necessarily wrong HOWEVER, if there is NO time for the relationship, there is literally NOTHING to work on, especially if you’re falling all the way apart (I’ve been there on similar situations). I also struggle with insecurities. I’ve also heard the “if you don’t trust him why are you with him” question. Those questions don’t make you feel good, period. Im not saying he is cheating because maybe he really isn’t, but something like this would absolutely concern me and I would absolutely investigate. Relationships are hard when you’re already struggling financially and you have children, especially when one partner is rarely around. Good luck!
My motto
Let him do what he wants… He’s going to anyways.
I am learning to let it go and until I see the evidence in my face… because the truth comes out… Let him make his own path…
And girl… You better make your own.
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Put the cheating thing aside.
What kind of future are you saving for if you completely lose touch with each other, have zero intimacy, and he isn’t around to raise his children?
Life is right now. Children grow fast. Is he married to you and raising his kids or is he raising a pile of money?
If he’s not around to actually be part of the family the extra money is probably going to go to the divorce lawyers when you and him get tired of being alone.
My dad worked nights, had a full time job, part time job, small business, and National Guard. I still don’t know how he did it, and he was a good dad on the weekends. But we only had him on the weekends…. And all his shit was in our town. The marriage was dead 20 years before the divorce because they barely crossed paths. I have ZERO memories of my parents being a couple and had no idea what a relationship should look like when I grew up because I never saw them together.
Honey he left you you just dont know it yet wake up you cant be that dumb
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When you wake smell the rose keep us imformed ok
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If you can take a few days off. Then with out him knowing fowell him.
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I over see 7 locations all over our state and often spend nights at my moms so I can minimize my driving and get more rest since she’s closer to some stores. He works night shift and goes to his friends after work to hang out (I’m sleeping by the time he’s off anyways🤷♀️). We both end up working 6-7 days a week and easliy put in 60-80 hours a week. We have had our fair share of down and outs about the changes in schedules and never seeing each other… but we have never jumped to accusing each other of cheating or being distant. I also think it would be absolutely ridiculous to control him and what he does in his free time, and vice versa. I feel that you probably have a ring on your finger for a reason, and your forgetting the reason why. Go find something to do to fill your time instead of worrying, it not healthy to feed your fears.
Sounds like he’s cheating
It’s not him, it’s you. You need to work through your inner issues before you make your relationship unpleasant. Instead of attacking him, start figuring out why you are insecure, then ask yourself why are you being toxic in your relationship. Again… It’s not him, it’s you. And that my friend is a personal problem.