My husband took a job an hour away. We no longer go to the gym together-which was something we always did. He attends a completely different gym in a different town because it’s “on the way”. Wakes up a couple hours early to go to the gym. I don’t want to discourage him from going because fitness has always been important to both of us, but at the same time I feel like he could be hiding something. Like who he could be working out with or seeing. (I understand that I’m insecure but this fuels my fire).
On top of this he now wants to work nights for the pay increase. We would never see each other during the week because of my work schedule. We also have 3 kids. I’ve told him how I feel. That I’d be extremely worried that we wouldn’t be able to hold it together. And he makes me feel guilty because we need the money if we want to make our dreams come true. We wouldn’t be able to afford the life style that we want etc… I’m already naturally resentful that he works an hour away and attends a different gym. Now he wants to work a shift where we will never see each other during the week.
He’s worked nights before but at that time he worked in the same town and I also only worked part time so I got to spend the whole first half of my day with him on my days off. I’m feeling more and more neglect in our marriage. I don’t know that he’d cheat on me, but I do know that he chooses to watch porn frequently- I’ve expressed that I don’t like when he does that too. He just hides it now. It gets in the way of our sex life. Can someone help me feel more confident in these changes? I feel like I’m losing him.
You have a husband who is willing to work harder to make your financial situation better for you and your kids. You must have more confidence in yourself, I know that’s hard, but think about it. If he isn’t making the money for himself, who is he doing it for… You right? And the porn thing is so outdated, let the man relieve himself otherwise he will have an excuse to relieve himself elsewhere, not that he should and he should have more control of himself as well. If there is nothing else that causes you to be insecure then stop dwelling on the little things.
In my opinion, if your man refuses to change his ways (porn situation) or doesn’t make an effort to make things work when you’ve expressed how you feel about the nightshift and the gym situation than he isn’t worth your time. Your relationship seems one sided. Yes your insecurities probably are not helping but if he knows you have these insecurities and doesn’t do everything in his power to make you overcome these insecurities and trust him than the situation will only get worse and your mental health will take the brunt of it. You ARE NOT BEING SELFISH as others have said. You have expressed your concerns and he doesn’t seem the care. Having children is not a reason to stay if you feel you aren’t going to trust him. Money can be made other ways than what he is putting you through.
I think your feelings are completely legitimate. Time together is extremely important and if his porn use effects r actual sex life it’s a problem. Calmly discuss your concerns with him. Let him know you foresee problems ahead with this new schedule then back off and see how it goes. If you see other changes in his behavior or your marriage then have another discussion. Marriage is hard work and sacrifice on both ends.
A hour isn’t that far. Between dropping my son off at school and driving to work my commute is often over a hour. I don’t trust a man that changes his habits. He’s has to be hiding something. 
If you feel this way, you have already lost him.
My advise, move on. Not from your husband as such, but your dependency on him being around and doing things together. I get that is your way of connecting, he may or may not be cheating, he may or may not be doing this to make your dreams come true. Live your life, do how you want, without him there. You will soon realise your self worth and he will become jealous that you no longer ‘need’ him and are no longer dependent on him emotionally.
Good luck! X
Well Your discernment is right pornography is not good to have in a marriage and that separation puts a distance in the eyes never lie and men eyes do Stray good or bad man so you have to be one step ahead of it get a day off follow put a GPS on his car and the phone I thought you know the times where his whereabouts are that’s just it you don’t have to talk to anybody or help anybody help you or anything do this on your own and get approved on your own with your own eyes and make sure that you videotape it and do a lot of praying
Your husband is trying to make a more financially stable life for the family. That takes sacrifice. Most men these days aren’t even willing to work a day job. Support him and discuss why your feeling insecure so he can support you as well. I understand time together is important but time doesn’t keep a roof over your kids heads and food in their stomachs. I sacrifice time with my family to work nights but they understand I’m doing what I have too to make sure they are all taken care of and we make the best of it especially in my days off. You need to trust him or there is no point in being with him. If he’s gonna cheat he will find a way no matter what shift he works or how much time you spend together
Personally, we value our time together over the money we can make. It may take longer to reach our goals but we still make memories together. But that’s us and our priorities are aligned. The both of you need to sit down and decide what’s important to each of you and compromise. If you can’t reach an agreement, you’re both gonna have to decide if you can live with the decisions of the other.
So my husband works nights a little over an hour away 4 nights a week. He stays there when he’s working (a co-worker and his husband rent their extra bedrooms) Hes home Friday morning thru Monday afternoon so he’s still here for the best family time. When he’s there he wakes up, goes to the gym, goes to work- where he works a good bit of overtime. Night shift is also more money, plus overtime, which has tremendously helped get us out of debt quickly. I work days and the kids are in school. There isnt a lot of time in the evenings anyway. It sucks sometimes bc i could use the help, but honestly it’s helped ease so much of the money stress that everything has gotten better.
Some people may think I am crazy, but I have been there!!! The best thing to do if trust him like you always have. No changes needed. If he is messing around you will know before long and no one will have to tell you! ( It is just a wife’s instinct…usually a gut feeling) and hey, they may even admit it if you ask them once you get that knowledge! Good luck! 
Watching porn becomes very addictive and in its own way is cheating. Wanting to take a nighttime job just moves you and him further apart especially since you already don’t have a healthy sex life.
Your feelings are valid. But I have learned that some men just need a woman to take charge. Even if they don’t express it or are even aware of it. When you can, wake up early with him and go to the gym. When you see him, jump his bones. Be sexy and confident, and he will reciprocate.
Ask him if he would start going to the gym with u again, tell him you will get up early with him just so u guys can go together. See if u guys will be able to afford for you to work a little less or maybe change the time u work if u can. The porn thing let it go, most men watch porn but that doesn’t mean their wife or girlfriend doesn’t mean the world 2 them.
The thing is that it’s all about your boundaries. You’re an individual - partner or no partner. Your needs matter and if they aren’t being met and he isn’t even meeting you halfway to fix it then it’s time for a serious sit down talk. As far as him cheating or have I’ll intentions- you know him more than anyone. You also seem to know your insecurities. It is okay to ask for and need reassurance without accusing him. I’d be open about the suspicion and concern.
From my own standpoint though - I also wouldn’t want my partner to unnecessarily do something like that. Ask yourself if you guys actually need to money to get ahead or if it seems like excuse for
Him. My partner has gone over the road and is home on Sunday if I’m lucky. I’ve had my own concerns due to his past and my insecurities but so far over the last 6 months of him doing it he’s saved a lot of money and taken care of most bills. Sucks I feel like a single mom and have my own full time job. But it’s putting us in a much better position. I hope he really does have the best for you in mind and you find peace about this. And if anything is amiss I hope it comes to light for you.
First of all breath and realize it’s ok to feel how you feel. Don’t take that from yourself. Communication is key and maybe you could talk him into not going to the separate gym as a means to kind of compromise. I don’t know where y’all go but if you have a ymca in your area maybe you can go as a family to the gym they have free child care and it atleast can feel like a family activity. I know this probably doesn’t help much but I hope that it eases it just a little. Just take it one day at a time and don’t allow yourself to feed to much in the insecurity and have those feelings grow especially if he isn’t doing anything
Of your sex life is affected then I don’t think your reading too much into it, I would say there might be someone else but that’s my opinion x
What you say makes sense, if he’s saying it to so y’all can have the life y’all want y’all won’t have a life because that will be the reason y’all split.
Know, my heart breaks for you.
Porn is causing more than you may realize. 
put tracking device in his car, spy on his cellphone and his computer to make sure he is not cheating.
Guess moving near his new job is not an option? The military may move every few years for work…
I think you’re reading too much into it. He literally is going to the gym and working. Unless there’s some sort of iron clad reason for you to be suspicious then don’t be.
It’s hard to accept… but people make time for what is important to them… it seems that family isnt important… money is… because if family was more important than ya dont mind being poor together as long as you have each other… but if money is more important, your family life will fall apart because the values are being placed in the wrong areas.
I am sad for you that he is willing to work harder to support family but not willing to work harder to keep family together… seems backwards… what’s the point of making more money if your home life falls apart?
Your spiraling… until you have something that makes you suspect…and watching porn isn’t a big deal. He is busy and its easier to rub one out that to make it an entire episode of sex. You should go rub one out. Might make you stop overthinking. I feel you might be too emotionally dependent. I suggest a hobby. Marriage is compromise.
Maybe you’re nagging him and he’s sick of it. There’s a reason he has to work nights. If he is working and the hours don’t add up to what he’s bringing home then worry but, the gym may be his only way to relax after work without your nagging and him feeling cornered. I guarantee you one thing if you keep it up you’ll be posting a going through a divorce post real soon.
Marriage counseling would probably help. Probably just need a 3rd person to work through it with you
Have you talked to him about it? That would be the first step.
I would feel that too…
yes your being selfish…the mans working…get over it or leave