My husband took a job an hour away. We no longer go to the gym together-which was something we always did. He attends a completely different gym in a different town because it’s “on the way”. Wakes up a couple hours early to go to the gym. I don’t want to discourage him from going because fitness has always been important to both of us, but at the same time I feel like he could be hiding something. Like who he could be working out with or seeing. (I understand that I’m insecure but this fuels my fire).
On top of this he now wants to work nights for the pay increase. We would never see each other during the week because of my work schedule. We also have 3 kids. I’ve told him how I feel. That I’d be extremely worried that we wouldn’t be able to hold it together. And he makes me feel guilty because we need the money if we want to make our dreams come true. We wouldn’t be able to afford the life style that we want etc… I’m already naturally resentful that he works an hour away and attends a different gym. Now he wants to work a shift where we will never see each other during the week.
He’s worked nights before but at that time he worked in the same town and I also only worked part time so I got to spend the whole first half of my day with him on my days off. I’m feeling more and more neglect in our marriage. I don’t know that he’d cheat on me, but I do know that he chooses to watch porn frequently- I’ve expressed that I don’t like when he does that too. He just hides it now. It gets in the way of our sex life. Can someone help me feel more confident in these changes? I feel like I’m losing him.
You aren’t being selfish but with the porn thing, i understand the insecurities but it’s natural for people to play with themselves. It’s better he watches porn then does other things.
My husband works in a whole other state, he’s gone for a month comes back for 2 weeks and then leaves again. It’s hard, it’s scary but you just got to push through… The porn thing isn’t bad. It’s best he’s watching it then actually having sex with somebody… in the end, it really depends on how much you trust each other.
My husband works out of town 3 days per week and stays at a ladies place from his work while he is there. I have zero concern because our relationship is strong.
Seems like your husband is trying to do what’s best for the family in order to live the lifestyle you guys choose to. You are not being selfish…just insecure. The bigger question here is why you feel this way ? In reality it probably has nothing to do with him. I would suggest to give it a go. While you have this extra time to yourself do some shadow work. You will be surprised how much this will help settle your mind. Hang in there girl…trust your man 
Ps. Porn is healthy and natural. He hides it because he feels ashamed now…
I have 3 kids. My husband works out of town during the week and is home for weekends.
We make it work.
It’s hard but you have to push those insecurities aside.
You are not being selfish. Wanting to be with the man you love is a good thing. Maybe tell him that you appreciate how he wants to provide the higher end lifestyle, but you would prefer time with him instead. I’m not sure if you’re Christain, but Unwanted: How sexual Brokenness reveals our way to healing had some incredible research on what leads to porn addiction. It is seriously worth a read to understand your husband even if you jilted out the God stuff.
If you want to save the relationship you need couples counseling.
If he wakes up tomorrow and decides I’m going to change jobs to work closer, start going to the gym with you, and stop watching porn, that doesn’t fix the underlying communication and trust problems that are going to end up causing the divorce.
You have to weight out your options. You either want the lifestyle you wish for yourself and work endlessly to get it. Or decide that you want to spend time with your husband. Time is valuable. It’s either earning money working or spending time with family. Unfortunately most of us aren’t rich so we have to work and it’s a rat race out there. Maybe he can keep looking for another job closer to home, or you can get a better job with more hours to help pitch in so he won’t have to take the other job. Maybe you can both find a night job. Or a day job . What I’m getting at is, You can’t have your cake and eat it too. Think about your options and what changes you can make, realistically. Maybe it is just insecurity.