Am I Being Unreasonable?

Sorry it’s a little long. I’m worried I’m being petty and unreasonable. I have a best friend of 15 or so years. She doesn’t have kids, although she wants them. I have a 2.5yo and 1 on the way.

My friend doesn’t ever listen to me the first time about my kid. Examples: At 4mo she was putting her on her shoulders ect and swinging her around and wouldn’t stop until I threatened to knock her down. At 6mo she didn’t like being dressed, friend kept changing her clothes when I told her baby doesn’t like it and I was excited to have her wear those when it was time. There’s other things… she was snide when I gave her advice about talking to her hubby because my ex was abusive… that kinda thing.

Well I don’t spank my 2.5yo out of anger… meaning she has a bubble butt so yeh I spank that but out of play only. When baby gets too tired, overwhelmed, or hungry sometimes she will walk up and slap me. Usually this is on the stomach or leg. I will use a firm voice, tell her NO and BAD, and then she starts to cry and I tell her “use your ears… say hitting hurts” and she will. Her hitting has gotten less over the last year, but she’s 2….

Before I could say anything THIS time, my friend quickly leaned forward and shouted NO. The baby didn’t hit, but she hid next to me giving my friend a look I’ve never seen. It was angry and resentful. At this point, I was unsure if my friend was right or if I should have said something. I told my friend my baby was mad at her and giggled nervously and went to change the subject. Before I could, she leans forward again, tries to put her finger right on my baby’s nose. Well of course no one likes that and baby tried to turn her face away. My friend grabbed her shirt and pulled her toward her so she couldn’t turn away and started firmly and angrily spouting an entire paragraph about not hitting right in baby’s face.

I gently told my friend (I was really trying to keep the peace) that my baby didn’t understand what she was saying and she needs to shorten what she’s saying in order for the baby to understand what’s happening.

My friend then stated she speaks to all kids like adults and she wasn’t going to change that… then she smirked and stated that it only took her ONE time of telling my daughter… unlike my 2 or 3.

I tripped over explaining that when a stranger or someone a child doesn’t know well says something the child is bound to listen right away vs the mother. Then I again attempted to explain that shorter sentences were necessary. My friend interrupted me to insist she wouldn’t change how she speaks to children.

This is how I feel. You don’t respect me as a parent because this is my child im saying im raising my way so you should just say ok and even if you don’t agree, shut your mouth n move on. Also, it’s disrespectful af to put your finger in ANYONES face, she’s a child not a damn dog or cat. And, lastly, the point of sternly speaking to a child is to TEACH and if that’s not your point you are only after intimidating and bullying. Not to add the little smirky her one to my three comment which feels like a mom shame to me.

We have been friends for 15 years but it seems like she has no respect for me as a parent or a woman. She’s been very helpful in my tough situations so I know she loves me and I love her but since this happened the only thing I feel is resentment. Would I be TAH if I told my friend I don’t want to know her anymore? If I did that, would a long thorough text be ok or do I need to go through the stress of a video call at this point…? Or should I like… take her a comfort food and tell her on her porch…. Idk