Am I beyond justified at cutting off my mother after a Christmas Day disaster?

Let me start by explaining my mother has always been verbally and emotionally abusive. We understand it was a learned behavior she got from my grandmother, but even with so many resources available to her, she never sought help to heal. So, the cycle continued.

Christmas Day. My parents and siblings came to my house for the holiday. I have a one-year-old son, the only grandson/nephew. My parents brought one of their dogs with them (a small breed poodle mix). This dog isn’t friendly around strangers or kids. Naturally, I kept my son away. While making Christmas dinner, I asked my sisters (all in their early 20s) to play with my son in his room for 10 minutes while I finished up. One of them apparently took the dog in there. After the dog bite, I called my sister-in-law who is a registered nurse, and texted a friend who is a physician’s assistant to see if this calls for an ER visit. They both assured me since the bite was small, and not an actual puncture wound (more of a scratch - still broke skin though), that as long as the dog was up to date on vaccines, specifically rabies, it should be fine and I can follow up with my doctor when they opened up after the holiday. My mother assured me the dog was up to date on vaccines. I should have known…two days later, when the vet office was open, I asked my mother to call and make sure. She texted me not long after, and said that the dog’s rabies was up to date until January 2022. I asked her for a copy of the certificate…3 times throughout the day and my mom had an excuse every time as to why she can’t send it to me right now. I finally called her vet office myself to find out the dog’s vaccines have been expired since 2016! I’m just livid at how she thinks this is a good moment for one of her lies. The chance of rabies is very VERY small, but as a parent, one never wants to take even that small of a chance.

She’s messed with me my entire childhood, and when I had my child, I tried to keep an open mind about allowing my mother to have a relationship with my kid. After all, people told me a grandmother’s relationship with their grandchild is closer to that of their own children. But this incident showed me she’s the same. And I want to cut off contact. Is this justified? Am I overreacting? She lives 2.5hrs away, so it wouldn’t be difficult to do. A conversation with her will do no good. We’ve tried in the past; she gets angry and starts throwing items at us. We’ve suggested therapy to her, and she laughs.

I’ll add that my older sibling cut off my mom after Christmas 2020. We had a Zoom Christmas (due to my dad having a mild case of Covid at that time). So, we all mailed the Christmas presents to each other. During the Zoom meeting, and while opening presents, my brother noticed the gifts him and his wife sent to my younger siblings (who live with my parents), were all wrapped up and addressed “From: Mom.” That was his last straw with her constant lying, and cut her off at that point. He didn’t see her all year until he came to my house for this years Christmas celebration, only for her to prove to him further why he will be solidifying his boundaries with her even more (no more holidays now).

If there’s another way about this other than cutting her off entirely, please, suggest away! Cutting her off means cutting my dad off too and that hurts. (She controls him, so yeah…)
And before anyone says anything, I absolutely took my son to see his pediatrician and he’s fine.

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. https://answers.mamasuncut.com/t/am-i-beyond-justified-at-cutting-off-my-mother-after-a-christmas-day-disaster/15902

You have to do what is best for you, my mom is the same way, she shouldn’t have lied, and the fact that you asked for proof tells me she’s a compulsive liar or you would’ve just trusted her when she said yes. I have zero contact with either of my parents and all though I go through phases of missing them, my life is much better.

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It’s a very hard decision but if she isn’t bringing peace to your life & you’ve tried on different occasions to talk to her and try to fix the problem then perhaps this is the necessary step to take. If she’s already been cut off from other siblings and she hasn’t shown any change in behavior then I’m sorry to say but it seems like she doesn’t care or refuses to hold herself accountable for her actions . Especially now with your son in the picture . I know you don’t want him growing up witnessing how your mother is and or possibly receiving the same treatment you did at some point. Do what you believe is best for your son for your family for yourself . Sometimes a line HAS to be drawn and you have to step your foot down and show her that it will no longer be crossed . Sad to do but sometimes necessary.

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If you feel that strongly about it, you should do it. Mom instincts are a thing, and I have cut out my children’s only aunts due to one having a lying/stealing issue and the other a drug addiction/addiction to men. I refuse to allow my kids to think sick behavior is okay and if I know they won’t change then adios.

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Nope, you are justified. She shouldn’t have even brought the dog knowing it’s not good with kids, or should have brought a cage for it. That is your house where your child lives, your child should not have been kept away, the dog should have been. I would cut ties with her as well, your innocent baby comes first, and she not only brought the dog, but also lied knowing your baby got hurt and doesn’t seem to show any remorse. You, your child, your husband, your siblings do not deserve a toxic person in their lives and her refusing to get help and laughing about it, nope :v:

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I ain’t even reading that. Cut off toxic people all 2022! You don’t have to justify doing what’s best for you and your mental health. Anyone got something to say about it can get cut too! :scissors:

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I just made a long post on another thread about toxic mothers, and while I wont go into the same detail. CUT YOUR MOTHER OFF! I have after 38 years of her bs, and let me tell you HOW WONDERFUL LIFE IS AFTER!
Tou grew up with this woman and they dont change, mine sure as hell didnt. Keep you and your baby safe from her. Best of luck to you and many hugs from me!

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U let the dog in ur home full knowing it wasnt good with kids and was a shit of a dog…so u need to take responsibility for ur part in ur child being bit…second if u would have taken the child to the hospital they would have been able to legally obtain the paper work since the dog doesn’t have paper work the dog would have been put on quarantine ur mother would have been informed that if theres this kind of incident with this dog again it will be put down for being aggreasive…line drawn u wouldnt have had to say or do anything if u would have taken the child to the hospital…cut her off if u choose but I wouldnt use this dog incident as the reason as u are partly responsible.

I had to cut my dad off. I couldn’t allow him to keep ruining my mental health. I also didn’t want him to have any relationships with my children. It meant also cutting out my grandmother, whom is my last living grandma and I love dearly. But as sad as I was in the beginning, it’s been almost 10 years now, and I don’t regret it at all. You have to do what’s best for you and your kid.

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Just cut her off and invite just your dad, or if your calling just talk to him

I cut off my mom and still have a relationship with my dad. It’s doable even if they are married

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If you want to cut her off, cut her off. You don’t have to justify it to anyone. Not even yourself. That said, you’re also allowed to have the contact/relationship with her that you want to have.

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I personally would be done and that’s it!!! I read your first paragraph and new she was lying because I personally have been waiting over a month to get in a vet to update our doggies vaccines as they are taking emergency only thanks to covid! Our dog had a bad sprain over the holidays and we had to do a video apt! She sounds like a narcissist and they don’t change their ways only their suit !

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Nope…cut her off. She has no boundaries. Your siblings have done it… so they have your back.

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Enforce boundaries. Tell her her dogs are NOT welcome at your home AND I would report the dog bite to the vet since dog isn’t even up to date on shots. Tell your Dad you love him but if she keeps on you have to cut her off. If he stands with her, you have to cut him loose too. Eventually she’ll cause him to be cut off by everyone and he’ll either wake up and stop or choose to stay cut off with her. You have to do what is best for you and your kid not your mom and dad.

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I cut my mother out of my life cause she is a narcissistic best decision I ever made. I have 2 kids they never missed her I love them unconditionally and I love my grandchildren unconditionally the abuse stopped at me. You’ll feel so much better if you break ties with your own

The fact alone that she throws things when she gets told she’s in the wrong is where I draw the line completely

Lying about presents being from you when someone else bought them? Nope. Shes beyond wrong for that. Lying about her dog being vaccinated after it BIT YOUR CHILD??? Nope. The fact that she even brought the dog when she knows how it acts is baffling.

Maybe once all her kids start cutting her off one by one she’ll start noticing that she’s a problem :woman_shrugging:t2: sometimes you gotta give them that kind of a wake up call

You can’t treat ANYBODY let alone family the way she does

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You don’t need a “good enough” reason or “excuse” to cut your mother off. Toxic is toxic and no one is entitled to be in your child’s life regardless of their relationship to them. It sounds like this was your breaking point and you should not feel guilty for doing what is best for you and your child. The fact that she lied and put your child’s life at risk knowingly would be more than enough for me.

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I’m glad your child is ok :heartpulse:
The dog should have been left at home or even bring a crate or leash it . Your child should not have been put at risk…
Given this is not a one off complaint id cut her off
Being abused in childhood is no excuse to continue the abuse with your children btw… many of us had toxic abusive parents and managed to bring our children up in a very different way .
Try to keep contact with your Dad if you can

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The Bible says “HONOR YOUR FATHER & MOTHER” It doesn’t say if they are good people or not. Maybe you could just not see her often.

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Boundaries… and I’m still learning. My kids are 17 and 21… still learning. Good luck.

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Glad your son is okay!

I know first hand how controlling someone like your mother can be regarding your father. I feel bad for him, but at the end of the day you need to focus on yourself and your child, which seems you have been doing a great job at. Cut ties though.

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Girl I would be soooooo done with her.

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It seems you have childhood trauma which is more the issue then the recent incident. I would recommend some therapy, I really like cognitive behavioral therapy, to deal with these issues and once you resolve these issues maybe you will have a clearer picture. I dont think the dog bite is that big of deal but they lying seems childish and unnecessary. Maybe suggest therapy for your mother as well.

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You’re justified. We need to normalize cutting off people who are toxic, abusive, narcissistic even if they are family. Being related never ever gives them the right to treat you wrong.

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You’re on the right track. She will never change and cannot be trusted.

Your sister took the dog in the room not your mom

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Can you reach your dad outside the home? Does he have his own phone? It would be nice if you could see him by himself. Cut off your mom. Sounds extremely unhealthy for anyone especially your child, to have any sort of relationship with her.

I’d suggest you get therapy for all the abuse you had to deal with, and suggest your dad get some too. Urge him to consider leaving the marriage or at least taking breaks/vacations by himself or with the rest of his family without your mom to give himself a chance to see what life is like without her stifling presence.

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Yeah i would cut her off

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You are totally justified in cutting her off.

Only you know if you should cut her off. You gave us one scenario and so I can’t justify cutting off a mother with one event. Do what your heart tells you n

Take. A long break from her don’t call her to give her a piece of your mind not nessisary Just don’t answer phone don’t play into drama. After a yr or so break if some how you get back together maybe she did a little soul searching and will act better if not egnore her again

Boundaries. Doing the same with my MIL who thinks it’s okay to put hands on my kid when I’m not around then blame him for what she did :roll_eyes: I went through the same dog situation too. It’s going to hurt, but you’ll feel relieved. Good luck. :scissors: