Am I doing the right thing by walking away from my marriage?

He changed his story. Pretended he was visiting a coworkers baby until you caught him. Leave him but get your stuff in order first… or just go. Up to you

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Honey, you need to RUN!!! You know what’s going on. I definitely wouldn’t stay.

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Please make sure first of all that you are without a doubt telling listeners on FB the truth!!! Unless I missed it, it somewhat disturbes me that you don’t have your name out here. The other ladies names are. I know of an acquaintance that is going thru a similar situation and yours is very similar. Only the roles were reversed. It was she who walked out on the family (2 boys)!! How can a mother walk away from her children. So if you are who I think you my be, please tell the truth. One last thing to remember, it takes two. Look in the mirror and truly look at yourself and ask why the cheating was done. I don’t know the other side of the story. Karla :rose:

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Follow your gut feeling… It’s already told you to leave him…

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If you even have to ask the question, YES! :clap:

Honey contact her to get that confirmation and get the hell out of dodge.

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Time to walk away sweetie!

If he’s not changing and continuing the same behavior you need to leave. If infidelity is something you can not come back from, you need to leave. It sounds like he is doing a lot more than you think. Who goes to someone’s house as a friend and lies about it to their spouse? Unless there is one to it.

Run! Get a good lawyer. Take your kids and dignity and go! He’ll never change, sadly.

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You do not deserve this- it’s hard…but after you will have soooo much relief

Get out, he will not change. once a cheater always a cheater.

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Of course you’re ok to leave. Him accusing you all the time is the huge red flag that shows he is.

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I know someone that just walked away from a 30 year marriage because of this same crap… He was indeed having an affair with a coworker and she caught them… He had a plausible excuse for every red flag she found… Come to find out… It was all lies… He was telling her he would quit his job… move to a new town… start over… Meanwhile the whole time he was still messing with this lady… They only care ONCE THEY GET CAUGHT!!!

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You know what you have to do!

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He accuses you of cheating because he feels guilt about his own flirtations and cheating

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You are doing the right thing. Sounds like he’s already cheating.

You are doing the absolute best thing. Momma you deserve respect and that’s not respect

It’s hard to start over but it is best un the long run. Think about what example you are setting for your children, your daygters will grow up thinking that if their partner strays they should forgive and stay, and your sons will learn that it’s OK to cheat.

Unfortunately the one who does the accusing is typically the one who is cheating. Ugh such a bad thing to do after 17 years but if your heart isn’t in it then you will never move past it. Take it slow make sure to have your ducks in a row and proceed with caution.

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If you got to go through his phone and track him it’s time to go.

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Uhh… I wouldn’t leave with the kids. He would be the one leaving when you put his clothes on the porch!! Fast like and in a hurry!!

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My dad has been messaging this girl for months on end. They went as far as sending nude pics to each other and said nasty things to each other. Then once he got caught he said it was just a friend. Friends don’t talk the way they did/do. Friends also don’t send nude pics to each other If it’s nothing more of a friendship. All this time he has accused my mom of cheating when he was the one cheating. It’s always the accuser that is the one doing what they accuse their SO of doing. But you are definitely doing the right thing by getting rid of him. Once a cheater, always a cheater

I don’t mean to be insensitive at all because I’ve been there, but it’s time to call it done.

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You deserve better. Good for u for loving yourself enough to walk away.

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Yep. Walk away. You deserve better

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Girl u answered ur own question. You know EXACTLY what u have to do. He sounds like a shitty person! Leave his ass!!!

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Leave see a good lawyer so you do not get the shaft

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Kick him out,. Once a cheater always a cheater…. Life us to short and u deserve to be treated with respect … ur worth more than that.

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I probably would have went to that address you found and knocked on the door. But then again you already know what he was doing. He lied to you about being at work. He’s cheating sweetie and I’m so sorry but no one deserves this. Kick him out and stay there with the kids.

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I’d leave because he’s just gonna keep doing it. He keeps giving you excuses and accusing you because he’s the one whose guilty. You don’t want your children to think this is OK. Your in my prayers. Big hugs :heavy_heart_exclamation:

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Choose yourself and best for you and your kids.

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You’re doing the right thing. If he wanted it to work he would be doing something. Like you said you know what’s going on. He has checked out and is looking for something new. You’ll be okay- love yourself.

Tell him to kick rocks! You take care of you❤

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He wants his cake and eat it too.

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Seems like you already made your decision, love.

He’s always accused you of cheating because he was. He’s projecting. You can’t say that he isn’t the type to cheat, when it’s very obvious to most of us, that he is indeed cheating. You’re doing the right thing by leaving him. Good luck to you :heart:

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If he texting, calling and etc ….He is cheating! Disrespectful and I would have pulled up and saw what was going on myself he doesn’t even care to hide it anymore

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I would have showed up at house. This is no way to live. Leave him

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Next time (if you choose to stay) when you see his locale go to the house and confirm or not your suspicions. If you catch him in the act then it should be game over. At least that’s confirmation enough for me.

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You deserve way better. Walk away as fast as you can.

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I hate liars more than I hate cheaters… so I completely understand where you’re coming from….
 he’s the one who broke the trust in the marriage for being there not answering his phone not telling you where he was all of us not to mention he probably is sleeping with her… but a liar is a liar… :woman_shrugging:t2:
He is the one who decided that he wanted another life he wanted to go look on the other side of the fence and see if the grass is greener, well Lock that gate, !!
You will never be able to trust him, how far is that to you that you have to now live like that because of a choice he made?? It is not your responsibility to make this were marriage work he’s when he stepped out.
You know yourself, and if you’re anything like me the one thing you cannot do to me is lie to me… and expect to still be in my life. 

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Definitely leave - Hes definitely cheating

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If he has been accusing you of cheating with no reason… he has been cheating for a looooong time. Kick his ass to the curb.

Catherine Tracy sound like someone we know hmmmm

Yep, life is too short. leave.

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Get out and stay out

Yes, you are doing the right thing. I’m so sorry this is happening to you after 17 years.

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You’re not wrong for doing what’s best for you ever. I know it hurts to leave someone especially with children and history but you’re not wrong for it dear. If you need to talk to anyone i know I’m a stranger but I’m writing to be here

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Get bank and other asset statements ASAP before he starts putting money in secret accounts. Also get back bank & credit card statements if you don’t have them already. Contact a lawyer and find out what other documents you will need to ensure you get what you need in a divorce.

Keep your research and progress on a divorce quiet and maybe get a P.O. Box for correspondence. Don’t let him lie and cheat you out of half the assets like he’s lying and cheating on you already.

I’m sorry. Get therapy to help you and the kids cope. Divorce is hard and sometimes expensive. But you can come out stronger and more resilient. Good luck mama!

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If he’s texting other women like that, that’s cheating , he’s already been doing that. Leave him

Girl, run and get yourself a good divorce lawyer and watch your banks accounts! You are 100% in the right, everything points to him cheating and that he has been for awhile without your knowledge, and you are teaching your kids how a relationship should work. They may not say anything but I guarantee they do notice. Stand your ground. Just be sure your coparent relationship is solid for your kids. They will be much better for when both of their parents are happy regardless of whether you are together or not going forward.

Yep. I wouldn’t stay. Move on and be happy.

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only you can decide just what to do & I think you know what it is, But before anything, keep everything you have of his lies & see a lawyer & ask just what you should do to get away & make sure you don’t loss anything (money/property wise)

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Leave. It’s gonna hurt like hell. But I promise you after you heal from what you know he is already doing. You will look at life differently and be so much happier! I’ll pray for your strength to walk away & see your worth!

Leave , a cheater will always accuse of cheating because they can’t trust there self ! So how can they trust anyone else. !

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You deserve so much better!Leave!

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Leave drag him thru the mud kids will be fine

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I don’t understand why you’re saying he’s not one to cheat. There are flashing red signs saying he is cheating. The second they accuse you of cheating, they’re admitting they’ve cheated.

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I was accused of cheating myself and never cheated but found out years later that he cheated so yes the cheater accuses the non cheater to make them look good

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That motherfucker is cheating kick him to the curb :100:

sounds very familiar. Mine was going and seeeing a woman he mat in facebook in 2008 been seeing her on and off all these years. He would tell me that when he went over there they just sat adn talked BS. He said you know that doesnt work down there so why would i embarrass myself. BUT, I see pop ups all the time of pills to get him hard. YEA okay yall are not doing nothing I call BS. I seen where he told her one night we had had a fight he left supposedly went to a hotel but I seen where he had wetn to her house and stayed there. Claimed he slept on the couch. I call BS. But i seen where they were texting one night and I had come up behind him and I seen where he told her when he was there with her he was in hog heaven I told him well you just need to go back to your hogg and stay in your hog heaven He told me I dont want her she is just my best friend. I caught him in so many lies it is unreal. He thinks I should just keep on trusting him. after the cheating and lying . I told him trust is earned and he has not earned it from me. never will.

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Leave! Don’t waste another minute nor tear on this fool!

First off, when u said “he would never cheat”, I think he has for a long time, u said he always accused you, its usually the one that’s accusing is doing it. I would walk away!

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You ARE doing the right thing !!! Leave

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Don’t even feel bad about leaving.
But you definitely need to leave .
He’s a cheater and doesn’t deserve you .
He’s not going to stop now that he’s started .
He will find others to cheat with if this one doesn’t work out for him .
But do yourself a favor and leave it’s only going to get worse .
The kids are better off also .
Best of luck to you but you’ll to fine .
Put you and those kids first .
Put him out.

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You are right. :purple_heart: do what’s in your heart. Don’t waste any time with this guy. Clearly he’s lying.

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Ok. You can’t say he’s never cheated when what you’re describing is cheating.
A person does not have to be physical with another in order to cheat on you.
If he is lying about where he is going, hiding messages from you, and changing his passcode, that’s all a form of cheating.

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Girl the one who is doing the accusing of cheating is the one that is cheating and it’s him end the marriage take ya kids fins a lawyer and leave you don’t need a cheating lying husband…take care of you and ya babies and you need to be happy also

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Leave and file and collect

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Do not leave the house, kick him out!!

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I’m sorry. It hurts. It’s difficult. I just want to throw this out there depending on how much you two share together, maybe you could try couples counseling. It was helping me and my ex but he suddenly decided he was “too good” and wouldn’t go anymore. 10 year relationship, shared kids, shared grandkids, all thrown out the window. That was over two years ago and I won’t lie, it still hurts. Good luck :heart:

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What people on here think doesn’t matter your already done, make yourself happy.

It has been my experience that when my former partners accused me of cheating it was because they were the ones cheating and they had a guilty conscience

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GET OUT he sounds like my ex husband he’s not gonna change

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If the ex girlfriend has a be
CONFRONT THEM MAKE HIM TAJE U THERE N MEET BOTH HIS EX GF N HER BF…
ITS BS SO BE PREPARED…

May your journey without your husband be the best yet!!! It’ll be hurtful and maybe cry a lot but that pain will toughen u up and you’ll be proud of yourself for letting go and putting yourself first before his no good ass …. I’m sorry this happened to you. 17 years is that magic # …. But yeah , I wouldn’t stay with a man that is doing the most either …. Better to be alone than feeling like shit

If the two of you own the house, pack his bags and leave them by the back door. If you are renting make sure you can find a nice apartment that isn’t more than you can afford to rent on your own. Talk to a lawyer to see what your rights are as different states have different laws. Now, a man who will go to a woman’s home instead of going to work is bad news. My 1st ex was a womanizing cheating husband and told me a ton of lies. Make sure you have all you need for yourself and your kids before you decide what to do. Talking to a marriage counselor may or not work. Getting you hubby to stop cheating is really hard as once they get started they don’t like stopping unless the thought of losing you and his kids is more than he can cope with. Pray and ask God to help you with this mess. Good luck.

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You are doing the right thing. No doubt.

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Go! Find happinesses!!!

Don’t think of it as ending a 17 yr marriage. Think of it as freeing yourself from an idiot who cheated on you after 17yrs.

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Leave love
I’m sorry but it’s clear as day he’s cheating and that’s Not okay

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Emotional cheating is just as bad as physical cheating.

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Yes you’re doing the right thing. You deserve to find happiness

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First of all, talk to an attorney and a therapist. Second decide for yourself what you can and can’t live with, or live without. Are you personally financially able to stand alone and provide for your daughter? Start a separate savings account at another bank and put money in it as often as possible to prepare for moving out or him moving out of your present home. Be prepared financially before you make any changes.

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Slowly drain the accounts, set up your self for the break. Move all bills into his name, pay off your debt, be smart about it and make a clean break. Tell noone what your doing, can’t hold anything against you in a divorce trial when there is noone to testify and no documents to see. You already know the answer, now go be happy and free. 17 years should get you Alamony or the 401k, atleast half, invest it, don’t blow it.

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You can’t say “he’s not one to cheat, he never has” because you don’t know for sure. Trust your gut.

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Doing the right thing. Especially when the story changed. That’s the biggest red flag. Go find yourself again and be happy.

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Sounds like “you know what you know” and he’s never going to tell you the truth. When you make your decision (which it sounds like you have) just know in that deep in your soul, you’ve done everything you could. Then don’t look back because you need to protect your heart and the hearts of your kids!

First, I would have kept my cool. I would have called his job and calmly and respectfully asked to speak with him. If he was not there I would have asked where they thought he might be. I would ask that he be given a message to call me asap.

I would want real proof. I would have driven to the house where he was and knocked on the door. I would have my phone on record and introduced himself to the person who was answered the door. I would have also recorded where his car was parked.

I would insist on marital counseling as well as individual counseling. You have children and 17 years invested.

If you still live each other you two can rebuild your marriage to better than before However it will take work and commitment from both of you.

If you have lost all love, counseling can help you to navigate a separation and divorce with amicably so that you can co-parent effectively. And with as little damage to the children as possible. I wish you well.

I wish you all well.

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Walk away. I will say if he wasn’t answering my calls while he was there I would have drove up and waited for him outside. Or texted him and said hey Im outside of where u are at why dont u come on out lets talk :japanese_ogre:

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Oohhhh, this one hit too close to home and brought back memories I’d rather not think about. Sad.

You’ve been married 17 years. So he’s at least 17 years out of high school, and more than a couple years out of college. No reason for him to be hanging out with girls from school. Friends should be couple friends or guy friends at this point. Now that the pool is fixed perhaps the whole family should go over and have a pool party and meet. Seriously. Start making plans to leave. Be sure you have access to bank accounts, charge card information (you can recoup what he’s spent on other women) retirement or pension plan information (you get half), CDs and investments. If he’s planning on leaving he may start socking away money so be sure to watch the accounts. Marriages can recover these things, but it takes a lot of work.

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Before you do anything, i suggest you two go to marriage counseling. Seventeen years and children mean that somewhere and sometime you both cared what happened to the other. Please, give it a try for your family’s sake. I personally know this helps.

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No you are doing The right thing him just talking to other women and hiding it it cheating, let alone being at an exes house and lying to your face. He knew d*** while he was doing something wrong or he wouldn’t have lied to you. tell his ass to go stay with her and change the locks. Life’s too short to waste any time on a liar and a cheater and if you let get away with it he will just keep on doing it. Find somebody that will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Nothing I hate more than a cheater and a liar.

What do you mean “he’s not one to cheat?” :rofl::woman_facepalming:t2: what do you think he’s doing?? And when somebody is accusing you of something… That’s typically because they’ve done it and it’s made themselves insecure. No one can make you feel good about your decision. It Has to be your decision. But that doesn’t sound like a good or healthy marriage. I think you know what you need to do. Put your big girl pants on and make the right decision. Things aren’t easy life isn’t easy. You’ll get through it and be better for it.

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First get your finances in order. After that figure out what you keep. Once all this is taken care of then confront him. Give him a time limit. Are you sure you want to sever the ties? If yes pack his bags and ask him to leave. Separate. Get a good lawyer that works for you only. File for divorce. Easy

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Your totally doing the right thing. Walk away. Don’t go another 17 years wasting your life away he’s gonna realize what a huge loss you and the kids are and your going to find someone so much better for you