Ever since my husband and I bought a house, he has taken it upon himself to invite his family over for every single holiday. Our house is filled with his family every single time. He knows I have an issue with this. I don’t get why we can’t do something at their houses…am I in the wrong to feel the way I do? He wants to have easter dinner at our house and I dont even celebrate easter so I dont want to…but again i do not have a choice in the matter
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Am I in the wrong for not wanting to host my husbands family?
Be glad he has family he wants to invite.
It’s a completely different story when you WISH you could have family over but they are all dead.
It’s your house too. Tell them it’s been canceled this year
Yes you do have a choice …geez i dont have my home yet…but when i do …im hosting 1 holiday a yr …thats it
I’d leave for the day.
I’d just lock myself in the damn room and let him play host. Men never think about the women’s situation. If he wants them over let him spend days perfecting the house and cooking and making sure guests are taken care of.
That would be annoying. Especially if you are expected to cook.
Sounds like he needs to do the work to host his family
Is ur house bigger? Maybe he feel more comfortable at home.
Just sit there and don’t cook clean or socialize
Tell him he can cook.lol
If you don’t like his family, you shouldn’t have purchased a home with him. That’s just sad.
Lol I’d be going out for the day
Maybe he feels like he owes it to them b/c ya’ll just got a house & are able to have ppl over. Or maybe he just enjoys doing things for them that he wasn’t always able to do. The real question is what is your actual problem with it? Not having help in the kitchen or with cleaning up? Or do u just not get along with them? Or is your family excluded? I wish I had family to go eat holiday dinners with… but that’s just my feelings on the matter. So why don’t you enjoy the time with family?
Just be glad he has family that he can invite over one day they won’t be here so at least he’s trying to make memories with them while he can
You married him? You can’t honor his traditions? Oof
It seems like he’s proud that he has bought a house and can host.
Not wrong at all. It’s your house too, and it can be stressful and expensive to host get togethers. Yourhusband should take your feelings into consideration. His family should be taking turns at their houses, not just yours. If possible I hope your side of the family is invited to some of these as well.
Unfortunately, when you married him, you married the whole family. Every holiday would be way too much for me too. I think for him he likes to show off your house and this is his way to do it. Maybe a way of showing his family how well he’s doing?
However, there needs to be compromise in every relationship. If he knows how you feel and still won’t meet you halfway something needs to happen. Tell him you will NOT deal with this anymore and that the next holiday NO ONE will be coming over. Be assertive. It’s your house too!
Is HE actually hosting and doing the work, or is he volunteering you to do the work? Because while it should be a mutual decision regarding the holidays regardless, the latter definitely isn’t cool.
He needs to take your feelings into consideration and compromise.
Why is it only his family
Is your family invited as well
If he’s helping with cooking cleaning up it’s ok
Those are special memories you’re making and bonding with family
What you allow is what will continue.
id let him have them if he did all the hosting duties. he can clean, grocery shop, prepare, cook, whatever he expects done for the party.
Just say no…it is good he has a family but i had this when my kidswere small. Every single weekend his patents came to our house on saturday and we were suppsed to go to theirs on sunday. I ended up just going out sat morning to the shops ot anywhere. .
I would tell him he can host all he wants but he is doing the cooking and cleaning in the house and I would go to my room and watch TV all day while their there
Families should take turns hosting. It’s a lot of work to host an event and it shouldn’t be left up to the same family every single time. Doesn’t matter if it’s your family or his. When my husband tries to pull shhh like this, he has to do it without my help. Let him put in the work and maybe he won’t be so quick to offer up your services every holiday. Stand up for yourself and say no.
If he likes it so much he can cook, serve and clean afterwards. I can’t stand people in my house at any time, but specially on holidays.
Sit down and tell youre husband to do everything
That must be nice to have family around for the holidays. Wish I had that
You may have your reasons but it sounds selfish…
Maybe do a potluck where everyone brings dishes
Seems like he’s just proud and maybe you guys can just compromise. I would say let him pick 3-4 holidays a year.
personal opinion i wouldn’t stay with a girl that didn’t like my family
Tell him he can host and leave for the duration. If it’s truly something you do not want to do or celebrate, then don’t. If he wants to be the one to make the decisions about what happens, then he can be the one to organize and host them for the period of their stay.
Sounds like you need to have a face to face with your husband and be direct about what is bothering you. If he does want to change then the ball is in your court to do something.
How long have you guys had this house? Maybe he is just really proud and wants to show his family what he has made for himself and his family. Maybe he just wants to be able to repay his parents for all the years they did it for him and want to give them a little break for once. Idk. I’m just trying to see a bright side.
This year just do a crappy job of hosting if he won’t take no for an answer.
Let him do all the work he should respect your wishes
You should always have a choice. Seems their deeper issues.
Tell him to hire a crew to cook serve and clean up and go visit your family or take a spa day that day
Stop moaning take a holiday away from your house. Go-to your family, go on a vacation with your friends. There are other options
All my grandparents and even my parents are dead and I’m 31 and am only child. So for holidays my house is empty and it breaks my heart. Be grateful you have a family to share holidays with.
Maybe you can go somewhere else during Easter dinner and he can host with his family
Book a hotel somewhere for yourself. Pamper night alone. Let him celebrate and do all the hard work
I’m still stuck on “You don’t celebrate Easter”
Wish I could host every holiday
If you don’t want them there then put your foot down and say no and if they still show up then go do something by yourself for the day and if he doesn’t do the dishes/cleanup etc then go on strike and don’t clean up for him. But you knew his family means a lot to him before you married him so you kinda had to expect something like this would happen.
Can you suggest to him that y’all rotate? Like one holiday hosted at your house, the next at their house, then your house again etc? So that everyone gets their way.
My hubs did this to me this past Xmas n told me about it on the 23rd!!! I get it’s his house too but u shouldn’t have to host EVERY HOLIDAY ESPECIALLY 1 I don’t celebrate. You have to tell him if he wants to have stuff at the house it’s HIS RESPONSIBILITY or when they get there you’re gonna be in slippers n a bathroom
I don’t see an issue he sounds like very family oriented and loves his family so much !! Can you have family around I would love it if my husband done this I don’t have family I would love this. If you don’t like his family then sorry but that is your issue not his he adores them don’t ruin it as you will push your husband away you can’t him choose between you and family its not okay good luck
My family takes turns. Christmas at my dads. Thanksgiving at my uncles etc
“Don’t be that wife”
You married him.
Family is family and unless they are actively disrespectful to you in your home (which neither of you should allow to happen with any kind of regularity) they are supposed to be welcome. It’s very important to some people and for good reason. Your family should be welcome as well. If he is not expecting you to do work to put it on then I don’t see any reasons for you to object without essentially being unacceptably selfish. Either way, make sure you are communicating with your husband about this because while I don’t agree with not wanting family over, your feelings and opinion on the subject do matter.
Explain the…‘I dont have a choice’, you always have a coice. Why dont you invite your family as well?
Tell him to have fun hosting and go enjoy a “me” day!! You don’t have to be there and you don’t have to do anything. Let him plan, cook, and clean that shit up.
good lord you are a very selfish person ,
Tell him he’s the one cooking and doing the cooking being you don’t want to but he does.
I would just speak up and let him know how you feel about it. He should understand bc if he loves you and cares for you he will let you do what you want. But yeah I get that I don’t like to always be the hostess either I did it for years…trust me it sucks!!!
All of you talking down on her and missing the point that she is hosting every holiday.
She’s not saying she doesn’t want to do holidays with them. As for the Easter thing, I wouldn’t want to host a holiday I didn’t celebrate either. Other family members can host too! Good god, people.
Ok remind him you and he are a team that means he must help prep the meals not only just get the house presentable or you doing it all both the house and the meals. Make an agreement to do it together or take turns for meal prep for certain holidays and which are necessary for you tag team everything it may make things a lot more less stressful and feel less obligatory on you.
Might also want to talk and say every other year for certain holidays and swap out with other family… remind them you like to be out of your same 4 walls (new or not) yourself. Change of scenery is usually a breath of fresh air so to speak.
You always have a choice. If that’s what he wants let him host it. Go spend the day with one of your family members or friends. If you have tried communicating your feelings to him reasonably and he doesn’t take it into consideration and has no respect for your wishes then go do your own thing. Just like he is
And the worst part is getting stuck with the cleanup. Everyone comes and eat and leaves a mess and we are the ones cleaning up
I mean I know there is always more to a story but people work very hard for their homes so maybe he is just excited and thankful and proud and wants to share his joy (yours and his home) as much as he can I try to look at the positive aspect of things. Life’s just too short to let the little things upset us
If you’ve told him how you feel and he doesn’t care, be sure he knows he is flying solo for planning, prepping and hosting and treat yourself to a dinner out.
Unpopular opinion, but I’m with you. I wouldn’t want to host every holiday either it’s a lot of work and I’m just not that into people.
Get a divorce and find someone more suitable for you so he can find him a wife who appreciates his family and his love for them.
What do you mean you don’t have a choice? Idk I feel like there’s way more to the story than what you’re telling us.
Potluck or have it catered.
Well it’s his home too, be should be able to host. If it’s that overwhelming just explain that you don’t feel good and leave for the day. Just be like yeah she didn’t feel good and didn’t wanna get anyone sick so she went for the day somewhere else. But honestly it’s a perfectly normal thing for him to want to have his family over. It’s not even fr about the holiday. It’s about spending time with loved ones. Sharing with them. That’s a super attractive quality that he’s such a family man. There’s 2 sides to this tho idk. Does this family do something wrong or something?
Have him do all the prep and hosting:woman_shrugging:t2: maybe he will understand how stressful it is to do this. Maybe that will help you compromise on only doing it once in a while. Good luck
It’s your home too!
Hosting takes a lot of preparation and energy. I honestly don’t ever really like doing it.
I’d tell him fine - if that’s what he wants to do have at it. I’ll be a few hours away having my own weekend.
Maybe ask some of the family, Like mil or sil to come over and help get everything ready for your family events. Will help you not be so stressed an also great bonding time.
I hate my husband’s family. They are opinionated, self absorbed,ass holes. They have no children , not even a cat but yet they can judge .
Id simply say im not cooking. He can cook and clean for his family if he wants to invite every time.
Or he can tell them its a pot luck and everyone bring something.
I simply wouldnt host if i didnt want to.
Id just go chill in my room lol
Get a hotel room with a jacuzzi tub, tell him you’ll be back Monday and the house better be clean
Most of these comments are just terrible, selfish advice. Whether you like it or not, marriage is 100% about compromise. You chose to marry this man. That means you love all of him. Simply “putting your foot down” and refusing to compromise or participate won’t do your marriage any favors. Now I 100% understand not wanting to host EVERY holiday. They are exhausting. But simply stating you don’t celebrate Easter, so you don’t want to participate is selfish. You married a man who clearly does celebrate it. As I said marriage is compromise. In my family we rotate holidays. If he insists on doing them perhaps request his family come early and help with the preparation. And clean up. He needs to be doing his part to. But simply telling him he needs to do all the work and your not going to participate isn’t going to end in a lasting marriage. What’s important to him should be important to you and vice versa. It sounds like holidays and family are very important to him. You need to do what you can to love that about him and want to share in the experience. If at your home is to much, perhaps discuss with him renting a banquet hall, maybe everyone chipping in, and everyone coming early to help prepare the meal together. This keeps it on mutual ground, no mess in your home, and your husband doesn’t feel he’s being torn away from his values. Making him choose isn’t going to end well for you. Loyal, family oriented men will always stay that way, and if he feels your trying to distance him from what’s important to him he’s going to resent you.
Go spend Easter with your family or friends. He can host solo and I bet won’t do it again without you BOTH agreeing
Let him prep, cook then clean up and you won’t be hosting every holiday.
Let him have them over and take yourself to the movies and have a fun day and night out by yourself and tell him that’s your choice and his choice is to have them over every holiday so you expect the house to be clean when you return (as in dishes and stuff done)
Leave and make plans and let him host
Why did you marry him ??? Smfh
Why does it bother you so much? Seems silly unless there’s a legit good reason you have an issue with it
Tell him he can host and cook and clean! It gets old! I used to also
Just don’t cook or prepare anything . Go in your bedroom and don’t come out for the night . Make him look a fool
Nope, you’re not in the wrong.
Hosting is stressful, and no one wants to be stressed out at every holiday.
Offer to host one holiday, and have his family over for his birthday, and that’s it.
Just tell him you’ll be going somewhere else for Easter.
He can host. Get yourself comfy in your room, and hunker down. You absolutely have a choice in this, and everything.
Have it catered. He’s proud of you and his home. Embrace it.
It would be nice to take turns at holidays…a.lot of stress and preparation for each holiday should not be up to you, talk to your hubby about it
our family takes turns with hosting each holiday
Let him do the cooking and cleaning after the meal.
Tell him there’s ALOT of truth in that old phrase; " happy wife
HAPPY LIFE " seems you’ve married an inconsiderate man.
Let him know how you feel. If he knows that you don’t celebrate there shouldn’t be an issue.
Ask ur husband to let one of his family members have it … Tell him u will take a dish to pass
Well in his defense, that’s why many folks buy houses - to entertain.
In your defense tho, you should always feel you have a voice and a choice. That’s much more important than your husbands entertaining!
So if you don’t like it, or his family isn’t so nice to have around, speak up! Tell him you don’t wanna host Easter. Tell him why. And reserve the right to excuse yourself entirely from festivities. Leave him to host n party if that’s what he wants. You go to the master and demand the personal space.
Yes you have a choice. Let HIM host HIS family…not feeling well… sorry-not.
It’s simple. Do not cook and leave before his family gets there and do something that YOU would like to do for a change. It’s not all about him and his family. YOU matter, too. If u don’t celebrate Easter then he should respect that or get off his own butt and cook. He has no consideration for ur feelings at all. I couldn’t be with someone like that.
I said embrace it. I used to have the same attitude as yours, you will realize it when one of your loved ones is gone. My husband and I- most of the times host/invite his family and my family for holidays. We lost his brother and his mom the same week around this time last year. Enjoy every minute with your loved ones and start creating wonderful memories and make it as happy as it can be coz you may not never know on when they will be gone. Also, everyone can bring their own food, make it a pot luck- so you don’t have to cook ( we usually did that on every occasion and designate dessert to my mother in law, side dishes to my sister inlaw, wine/drink to ky brother in law) and just get paper plate and plastic utensils, or call like Mimi’s Cafe or restaurant that offers a family meal if you do not want to cook. Peace and love from my family to yours