Me and the father of my child cannot see eye to eye. We split over a year ago and things have been so hectic. Here is the long story the shortest way possible. I left the state we lived in together to move back in with my mom so I could get a job and find a place for me and my son while having the support of my family to watch my son while I do so. He stayed back and wasn’t sending any money to help. He did every so often but then would fall off and tell me he couldn’t. I kept telling him to move here (we originally lived here together then moved out of state for 6months) but he told me he wasn’t going to. He finally did in march when he became homeless and I let him stay in my home (putting my current relationship at risk) for the sake of my sons relationship with his dad and so he could get a job and find his own place to live. He was borrowing money from me, making me fill his gas tank and so on. Finally he moves out but shortly after he quit his job and his car got repossessed after not paying for so many months. Mind you he moved an hour away from me. So I would drop my son off an hour there go to work and pick him up the next day, all while I also had to bring groceries, diapers, wipes and clothes cuz he “has no money”. I’ve been doing this for about 5 months now and I’m tired. I keep telling him he needs to get his act together and provide for our son cuz it’s only been me doing so for the past year. He tells me he shouldn’t have to pay anything if he sees his son. This makes me beyond upset considering I do want us to have a good relationship for the sake of our child, but I feel taken advantage of. I send him money for food, laundry and so on. Constantly. And now I’m done doing it. He tells me I’m unempathic and I need to have patience for his situation. But all I see it is as irresponsible. Am I seeing this wrong?
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Am I in the wrong to think my ex is being irresponsible?
You are right! Go to court!
Take him to court and let the court decide what he owes. Then you aren’t the bad person.
Time to take him to court he is not being responsible at all
Take him to court. He is not being responsible. Set boundaries with him too.
He is totally taking advantage of you!! The more you do for him the more he is gonna slack and keep doing what he is doing to you… stop doing everything for him… go to court and put him on support…
Take him to court. I had to do that with mine cause I was doing the only transporting of our children, the food, clothes and diapers. All for him to have them. It had to stop.
Take it to court and save yourself all the headaches
No more helping him… make him stand on his own two feet. Take him to court. Transport should be 50/50 not you doing all the running.
Why are you continuing to support him?
Go file child support against him and also file for custody. How is he affording to live on his own without any type of money? Is he on food assistance, rental assistance, etc? Cause if not then how is he affording his own place if he’s not working. Stop giving him money altogether. He’s not your responsibility anymore and never was. Your son is your only responsibility. He’s using you and he doesn’t feel bad about it and he uses y’all’s kid as a way to make you feel guilty for not helping him. So if I was you I would go file child support against him plus custody. You’re basically raising 2 kids
You are enabling him -
Why should you have to pay for an adult to live? He is using you.
No you have every right to be upset. Wow what a loser. He needs to get his life together honestly, can you just file for full custody and leave him out of it? Because it’s costing you more to have this co parenting with him. And if he wants to see his child he can find a way on his own
Child support. Period.
He will keep taking advantage of your kindness. You need to stop providing for him in any way. He is NOT YOUR responsibility.
Just your son. If you have a good relationship with the person you’re with now and he accepts your son that’s what you need to nourish.
Forget about the ex even if that’s the father of your son.
Give him the boot…dead beat dad
Don’t give him nothing. He is supposed to take care of his son. Not you take care of him.
You were being empathetic when you moved him in. Now he’s just trying to manipulate you into feeling bad so he can continue to mooch off of you. He doesn’t need to pay to see his son. But he does need to provide for him when he does see him.
You are a wonderful person for trying so hard for your son. You have much more patience than I do
Just send the needs of your child and nothing more. No more money. No more “help” for any of a grown man’s needs. Send clothes, food, drinks for the child and nothing more. Get to court asap. I hope you’ve kept record of all of it. Conversations and month given. You can screen shot and print text messages.
Leave your son with your mom or other family, and leave the ex to fend for himself. Him seeing his son isn’t enough. There are plenty of dads who aren’t deadbeats who both see their kids AND provide for them
Go get a good lawyer. Stop being your ex’s mother and let him man up. Enough!!!
Stop enabling him to teach your son how to take advantage of women in his future relationships. Start showing your son what self respect and boundaries look like in a relationship.
Let me guess. You’re the one that wanted a kid,not him. You had to have known he was a loser.
Don’t help him hes using you and has excuses don’t fall for that hes a grown man and hes not gonna learn if you keep helping him. Don’t force him to have nothing to do with your child if he wants something to do with them he will
Stop. He’s a wastrel.
You need to go to court! Why are you enabling him? And he thinks he doesn’t have to pay support if he’s seeing his son? In what world does that make sense?!
Take hom to court… get a court order for support… and visitations, but make sure the court also understands if the father can not provide a safe environment with proper food,cothing and essentials, you will no longer be bringing your son there…
You’re no where near wrong the only way. He shouldn’t have to pay child support is if y’all both live close enough for the child to go to the same school and y’all have joint 50-50 custody where each parent has the child half the year and y’all help each other when needed with said child. It’s call co-parenting and he not doing his part at all
Nope. He’s an EX for a reason. Stop killing yourself to be his mommy. Your child needs a mommy, a grown up does NOT. Talk to the courts. Get a child support order in place. STOP trying to fix him. Let him Grow Up & become responsible. You really are NOT helping him.
Quit being an enabler . When my granddaughter stays with me . I have my own clothes for her sippy cups diapers her snack foods . I bought my own car seat . So I didn’t have to lug it from one car to another . Do you want your child growing up watching this and thinks it’s ok? So he treats a woman and his child the same way ? Cut him off file for sole custody and child support.
You’re doing too much. Yes if he keeps his son 50% of the time he shouldn’t pay CS- but that’s also him at least meeting 1/2 way to get his son.
He doesn’t want to be a father, you’re doing all the work. Stop stressing yourself out. You aren’t responsible for his actions or encouraging or helping him to be a father.
You’ve done the best you can, more than you should have for the father of your child. And your child will love you more for the effort you put into his dad. But at this point the father is being completely irresponsible and is taking advantage of you. File for child support at the court. It’s the only way.
Stop sending him money, that’s just crazy. And if he can’t provide food for your son he shouldn’t be going there. Go to court.
People only get away with what you let them. Of course a deadbeat would take advantage of someone willing to take care of him. Cutting him off would be the best for both of you. He’ll be forced to step up for his own survival.
Cut the strings n move on. He needs to take care of himself. He’s not your responsibility.
Empathy? You can hold a job but he can’t. You’re enabling him for the sake of your son but do you think this is a good example of how you want your son to turn out?
Sometimes the Absence of a Farher is a Blessing…he is NOT your responsibility
You’re enabling his behavior by providing for him. Until he gets his shit together, stop making an effort.
Sounds like yall are still together just living apart…
You can’t force someone to do something they don’t want to do. Go to court and get a custody order & child support order.
Take him to court for support then he will have no choice to get act together
Do you have anything in writing about his and your agreement on child support, visitation, paternity? If not you need to start there. He’s using you.
total narcissist and definitely taking advantage of you. if he truly cared about you and his son he would be responsible and do what needs to be done. you do you and take care of you and your son and if he doesn’t put in the effort that isn’t your fault.
You are enabling. While I agree with helping because he’s the father of your child you can only do it for so long. If he doesn’t have the proper supplies for your son to come over then he’s going to have to drive to you and visit for a few hours and leave.
Got to court get full custody and he will have to pay child support you are not supposed to have to do all this extra for him to see his son and have a relationship with him
He’s definitely taking advantage of you for sure and trying to manipulate you into thinking you’re wrong for not caring about his situation. He’s grown man and needs to get his shit together for his son
Don’t let him see his son and take him to court! Deadbeat Dad.
Grow up! Your both irresponsible. And playing childish games, he can’t make you do anything! You voluntarily did what you did, I hope the other person you were in a relationship with left your a**! What kind of example are you setting for your child, quit playing games, go to court, set child support. Visitation and GROW UP!!!
He knows that your son is the key to financial support. You need to let him go. This is not good for your boy. Get it over with n see if he keeps up with the child. File for child support. Don’t fall for the emotional bullshit. He’s using you.
Nope, you’re only obligated to allow him to see him. If it’s not an ideal situation, (no food, etc) it can be supervised visits at your home. He’s still in charge of getting himself there. Nope quit doing it.
Hes using you girl. Hes not trying to do anything other than mooch off you.
WOW he really knows how to use people.
No more. Stand your ground and go to court for child support and full custody
Place to stay, drive an hour, provide food and send him money. Go to counseling and find out why you felt you needed to do this. No contact you and child till this is settled
You are enabling him. You shouldn’t have to provide anything while your child isn’t in your care. He’s using you because he knows he can. Stay at Home Moms
I thought you got a job so you could afford a place for you and your son. Yet your using it all to support him. Hes clearly not going to pay up so focus on your son, not the other infant.
8 billion people in the world…so that’s roughly 4 billion men…find one who isn’t a broke as bitch
Seriously??? Take care of yourself and your child!!! Leave that little boy to grow up. Let his mom raise him. You can’t be walked on unless you are laying down.
Step up and be the man your son deserves. If not, step aside and don’t ever expect to have a relationship with him.
My father had me declared emancipated at 14. That means that I was capable of taking care of my own needs without his support. That always sat in the back of my mind and for nearly 25yrs we didn’t talk. He eventually died and I was notified weeks later. I never got to say things that should have been said.
Don’t leave your son hanging. Be the father he needs.
Nope he’s a bum living off you and taking advantage of your kindnesses! You have your son too and still have to provide clothes, shoes, diapers, food, etc. Now if he is doing all the child care while you work that does count for something because then you don’t have to pay for day care but you certainly shouldn’t be buying his food and paying for his laundry! It’s time for him to be a man and get his life together! Stop taking care of him!
For your own peace and for your son, do just what you are doing at the moment.
It’s unfair on you. Remember YOU are doing what is in the best interest for your son.
Being a good person, a responsible person and a person accountable only to your son,you will never feel comfortable cutting out on anything.
Only see to your son’s needs ,even when he is with his father. Do NOT give the father anything.
Right now that’s your only option.
You are being an enabler! No, no, & no! Make him do it completely on his own! Make him prove himself! I understand he is the father of your child and you want to make it work for your son’s sake, but you are hurting the both of them. Your son does not need to see that it’s okay to rescue someone who refuses to grow up!
U need to go through the court system. Stop playing his games.
No unfortunately he is taking advantage of the situation. People will take advantage as long as you let them. It should be him stepping up to the plate. Let your parents watch you son there closer and child care won’t cost you as much I promise you. If he can’t get his act together in 6 months you tried let him go.
If he can’t put a roof over his child’s head and food in his stomach while he’s with him, then he doesn’t need your child period and I can’t believe you’re okay with letting him have him!
He’s an irresponsible manipulative asshole
…He’s taking advantage of you!
Tell him to kick rocks!
As long as you keep doing this he’s going to keep on using you, and using your son so he doesn’t have to work. He has no intention of trying to find a job, and why should he when you’re taking care of everything? Stop doing that TODAY! Make arrangements for someone else to watch your son while you work, and don’t give him one single dime! Nothing! When his money stops rolling in, and he realizes you’re not going to support his lazy ass, he might decide it’s time to find a job. In the meantime, take him to court for child payments. He owes it to his son and you to help support him! It’s not your problem where he gets the money, it’s his. Let him figure it out. It’s the only way he’s going to stop using you and your son. And don’t give in to any sob stories he may come up with. It’s time for him to grow up and help raise that little boy, at least financially. Good luck!
I’d be unempathetic by taking him to court for the child support, and I’d include back support in the mix. I wouldn’t give him another chance or another dime. Tell him to go find his momma or someone else to support him.
I am not this gullible and won’t ever put no one before my kids
No no and no. He ain’t doing nothing but using that boy as a meal ticket.
Absolutely not. He’s completely taking advantage of you in every way possible. As long as he has you supporting him he’s not going to step up and do what he needs to do. You can’t continue to take care of him “for the sake of your child”. Your child is your responsibility, not your ex. I went through a very similar situation with my first husband. After I left him his family and him would take advantage of me constantly (always asking for rides and to “borrow” money). It was taking so much out of me emotionally and physically and I finally stopped and started telling them no. I felt bad about it for about a minute and then I started feeling better about myself because I wasn’t allowing them to continue to take everything out of me. You have to stand up for yourself and tell him no. He will just continue to take from you until there’s nothing left to give and that’s not good for you or your child.
You are inableing in and you need to stop . He will never provide for his son as long as you keep sending him money. That is just my opion . Sorry i do not spell very well. I wish you the best of luck for you and your son .
You’re teaching your son all this is okay
I’d forget him all togeather and no child rights until he coughed up what he owed me and he started paying to help with the kid. HE IS A USUER AND NOT WORTH YOUR TIME AND HELP.
He sounds like a bum
You have been supporting your ex. He is not doing his part as a father. You’re wasting so much money doing that. Cut him off because you can support your child without his help. If he wants to be in his life, he has to do his part.
You’ve done more than I would. Get a lawyer and file for sole custody and guardianship plus child support.
He is manipulating you and he uses his son to do it.
I would be very careful how you proceed with all of this. Of course he should spend time with his son but he will need to get off his butt and at least facilitate the visit, and provide for the child at least while he has him.
He’s a bum and you enabling him being a bum will set the tone for how your son thinks things will work as an adult. I say this coming from a similar place in my first marriage. 17 years later he’s still a bum and I am glad he chooses to not be involved because children learn by example and they’ve had an amazing man to learn from. Just because he sees his kid doesn’t mean he’s setting a good example. What is your son benefiting from this situation? He sees his dad being a bum and his mom running ragged. The only one winning is dad. There are plenty of community resources, he can get himself together if he must. But fir you and your sons future he has got to go. They very rarely change.
He’s using you. Don’t let him.
Why are you even giving him money and allowing your child to go there if he can’t even care for him
Stop enabling him and he may straighten up…
NOOOOO!!! He’s the one in the wrong & needs to his & priorities in order! He IS taking advantage of you & the situation:bangbang:He needs to grow the he// up, get a job & take care of his responsibilities or
You are absolutely right he’s taking advantage of the fact that he’s your sons father and using you.
You have a legal arrangement? If not get one. Hes using you and no doubt putting your present relationship at risk. Plus hes sending all the wrong signals to your son.
Stop sending him money and running after him. Tell him you’re going to court to sort everything out and if he wants a relationship with his son he has to man up
Hell no you’ve helped him enough let him fend for his self, you have to provide for you and your son.
What worries me is that sooner or later some of his dad’s attitude will rub off on your son. Your ex seems to feel entitled to be helped while he does nothing to improve his situation.
No honey you are being used ,because you are good…you know that …so stop this and move on…
Why??? You enable his BS brhaviour and run yourself ragged. Not healthy for you or your son! Dad needs to grow up and be responsible. Until then, quit killing yourself!
I’ll cut all that off. Point blank. He needs to step all the way up. You’re extremely nice.
Girl, if you don’t take that boy to court….
It will not change either until you put your foot down amd stop what you are doing. Was in somewhat of a similar situation. I moved in with my parents and let him keep the place. He would ask for money til i finally cut him off and said no. Couldn’t keep a job or nothing. The best thing advice is to keep your child in a positive environment. & do what is best for you both. You can’t make someone grow up, they have to learn on there own. I wish you nothing but the best.
Sounds like you have two kids
It’s not your job to take care of your ex it is your job to take care of yourself and your son. stop taking your son to his house and providing everything stop making excuses for his bad behavior for the sake of having a good parenting relationship with him, if he wants to see his son he better find his own way to provide the things that are needed in order to do that including finding himself a ride to come and get his son or see his son he is a grown man. It is not your job to make sure he gets on his feet and stays on his feet and it is not your job to take care of him when he stops taking care of himself because he lost his job he’s your ex for a reason. Sometimes the only way someone changes and does better for themselves is when they’re forced to do it for themselves. you’re enabling him,allowing his behavior, that’s why he acts the way he does when you try to cut him off and make him be the grown adult he is.
Girl this guy is totally using and taking advantage of you .has been from the start .time to pull up your big girl panties and cut off all ties all he is doing is teaching your son how to be a user …if he wants to see his son than he can go to court for visitation schedule and if he does that than file for child support
You didn’t take him to raise and support. Stop immediately. Stop taking your son to him. He is an adult it is time for him to grow up. You are teaching your son wrong a loving caring father would be helping in sons care by being responsible adult. Stop.
Take the money you’re dishing out to him, get a good lawyer and protect your son and yourself. Either he gives up all
Parental Rights or pays child support. He needs to grow up and become a man and real father. Your parents are helping you and you’re just giving (what they’re helping you with) to the deadbeat dad. That’s like a slap in the face to them. Is this what you want your little boy to grow up like? If you have a new relationship that is worth investing in, move forward and leave the other one behind with legal terms in place. For the sake of your sanity AND your son.
STOP being his care giver!!! He us a useless bum and will continue to use you because he knows you will keep doing this because of your son. YOUR son deserves better and his father will NEVER teach him anything ,only teach him how to use people. YOUR son is better not being around a useless BUM!!!
He should definitely be carrying his own toy have a son to raise not TWO! 4 me this is the way I see it IF and only IF he’s doing what he needs to for himself etc has own transportation has a roof over his head and makes sure his child is cared for while he is with and it’s frequently then I don’t think any parent should have 2 pay support. You definitely need to think bout your son 1st and foremost!
He is using you. You definitely are not the A.H.
Nope stand your ground. Stop the funds he’s not your responsibility, if I was your significant other I’d be pissed you’re still supporting him. He’s a grown adult tough love .
You are not in the wrong! Definitely stop supporting him as it only enables him to keep taking advantage of you. My ex is the same way and he’s actually blocked my number after picking up our kid this weekend cause he doesn’t want to deal with me. Men are children I swear.