I’ve been with my SO for almost 6 years.
A little back story . I was best friends with his sister in law . That is how we met . His sister in law and I were really close in the beginning until my SO and I became serious . I was always there for her . Get together, family events , when she miscarried and hurt her leg I was thoughtful ( helped get groceries , thoughtful gifts when she mourned and would drop by just to say hello and bring a coffee . She began getting distant . Everytime it would be her turn to host a holiday at her home it started feeling like she didn’t want us around . ( dirty looks , complaints, my kids weren’t allowed to sit on her couch ) planning girls outings where I was not being included really hurt my feelings because I would have never done that to her . It started feeling like I was the only one who wanted a friendship . Phone calls were never reciprocated , when I broke my ankle I recieved 1quick phone call .
Fast forward I got engaged a year ago and asked her to be my bridesmaid in January. This is where is became even more clear she didn’t care to be my friend . No calls. No questions about the wedding . Nothing . Im a very sensitive person with a huge heart .
Fast forward to September we were all at a cottage for my MIL birthday . Her daughter told my Daughter she wasn’t family and was a bad cousin . I was hurt but held it in for the sake of not ruining the party . Nobody stood up for us and said anything . No apology to my Daughter . No explanation. My SO told his brother what had happened and nothing came of it .
The following week was my Daughter’s birthday . They said they were sick. ( understandable .) Here we are 2 months later . No happy birthday . No card . Nothing .
This past weekend was my sons birthday . We invited them for dinner and cake along with other relatives . A week ago my SO sister in law removed myself and my sweet Grandmother off her fb . Ok . We never said anything . Nor did anything for this . But let it go .
They arrived 1hour and 35 minutes late for the party .
Missed dinner and all .
She came to my home . Did not look or speak to me . Completely ignored my entire family .
To top it off my SO is an alcoholic. He has been completely sober for 3 months and made it clear to everyone including his brother no alcohol at our home for those reasons . Well his wife decided to show up with a beer in her hand at our home !!!
I was baffled and hurt to say the least . Nobody said anything . Everyone is scared to make them mad . I find it extremely disrespectful.
I am sick and tired of being treated this way and im sick and tired of nobody saying anything !!!
I let it go for my sons birthday party . I woke up the next morning with it still bothering me . I texted her and told her how disrespectful that was knowing no alcohol allowed here and to never bring it to our home again . Well now I’m the bad one because they are mad because I should have said something in person.
I’m sick and tired of being the only one now that is tired of allowing this toxic behavior and im tired of my SO not having my back and allowing her to treat my kids and I like this .
The blame is now on me . Its always deflected away from them . So instead of dealing with the real problem we are now dealing with the problem of me reacting by text message when I shouldn’t even be the one having to deal with it. My SO should be putting a stop to it but he’s scared to lose his brother. I feel this is so unfair and hurtful because I don’t deserve this treatment.
FYI she doesn’t like his sister or husband’s parents either .
Am I wrong for being upset ? Or should my SO be stepping up and putting a stop to this ? I do not want my SO to fight with his brother nor become estranged . But after being together for 6 years , now engaged with children , am I asking to much for him to stand up for us and tell them its not ok how they are treating us and that his brothers wife needs to put an end to all of this drama and hurt . Part of me feels like he should care how I’m being treated and not allow it
Sounds like she was never your friend to begin with. Sounds like she was benefiting from things you done for her. Until you got with his brother and she no longer benefits from things you could do for her. I would just keep my distance and not let it bother me bc she was never a friend to begin with friends don’t treat you that way. And yes your so should stand up for you but if it’s bc he’s scared of losing his brother I’d have a talk with him and tell him that he’s more than welcome to do family events but they way you are treated bothers you and if I was you I wouldn’t go to anymore I wouldn’t invite them to any of mine either.
I’ve gone through something similar. One of my husband’s sister legit hates me. She’s made it to where others in the past didn’t like me because they didn’t want to upset her. It’s gotten better now with most of my husband’s family but that one sister still hates me. She hasn’t even been treated the best from her husband’s family and yet she does it to me with her family 
Tell your SO how you feel and how disrespectful him and his family is toward you. If he doesn’t speak up and correct it then he is obviously not caring about your feelings and if I was you I would leave and find someone that respects me. If he is an alcoholic them he will most likely never completely stay away from drinking. It’s a hard battle to fight and most of the time the alcohol wins.
Your not estranged. You owe nobody anything for being happy. How others experience YOUR happiness is THEIR problem. You deserve the same level of compassion for yourself as you are giving them. They are acting like this because you have proven you care. Stop living for them and others. You have a family that you made yourself that is watching you. Be the person you need. It will piss the people off that are against you. I promise. Let them waste their life in bitterness and animosity over something they have zero control over. How and who you love. They do not respect you obviously and they have made it clear their feelings for you. Why waste your time on them? They’re disturbing your peace within. How are they good for you??? It’s definitely okay to put up boundaries for your health and safety. Without guilt. Your valuable too. 
You are not wrong at all. And your SO should be standing up for you. Your feelings are completely justified and I’m sorry that you have to deal with someone like that woman.
Your SO should be saying something to them. My MIL hates me, she hates all her son’s gfs. I put up with it for a long time untill I fell pregnant and she went too far. She will no longer be apart of our lives and my partner and I are better than ever 
Do not tolerate the disrespect cause from what I’ve seen it doesn’t change.
#1… he is 3 months sober… he is no where near ready to tackle that mess… and you have recovery to do too… so make it about your little family…getting healthy…and quit inviting them to your home. And decline their invitations…but dont expect your husband to…have kids parties in public child appropriate places so they can’t drink. The way it is now… you arent winning…and the drama could be too much for husbands vulnerable state right now. Take your focus off them…and focus on your immediate family…and stay off all their social media pages for your own peace.
Personally I think she’s jealous of you . Don’t let it bother you . Rise up ! But keep your distance from her . Personally I wouldn’t invite them to anything brother or not . It’s your house and no way should you have to deal disrespectful unworthy ppl .
You have every right to be upset, as far as the beer goes, put the choice on them, take it and leave, or dump it and stay. Like with children handle the situation immediately, in every situation… Apparently you are dealing with immature individuals. YOUR LIFE YOUR WAY!!!
You should rethink your relationship period. If he has a drinking problem why would you want that around your kids?? This will be passed down to your kids. Apple doesn’t fall to far from the tree. Also maybe you should of called her out in person to see what her issue is. She’s an adult and should act like one but I agree you should of spoke up in person. Just keep your distance from her however if your bf can’t have your back why Stay??
I don’t know what’s going in with her, but you are definitely not the problem. As well your spouse being 3 months sober needs to be around encouraging and positive people, family or not. If your husband doesn’t feel comfortable not saying something you should step up to the plate. Don’t let her dictate to all of the family how things are going to play out. You need to tell her what’s not acceptable and turn the tables, because if she isn’t put in her place she will continue to be a bully. That’s what she is, a bully. Now she’s trying to turn her children against family members. I went through a lot of nonsense with my sister in law for years and then I started to speak up. Did me a world of good, then she knew I meant business.
I’d ask her wtf her problem is and go from there. If they can’t be adults for the kids though then why bother with them at all? Time to ignore them and not invite them to anything. Family doesn’t mean love.
I have 32yrs of sobriety!! I also know a lot of people with recovery under them!! The first yr is so hard! He has 3 months already! Pray he hangs in there and takes one day at a time! Hopefully he is going to AA and gets a sponsor!!
He can discuss this with his brother, but he does not control sil. Face to face talk to her and find out where the problem is. Be kind but don’t go out of your way See where it goes. Can’t do anything about the 
LD unless you heard it
And by the way, you said your SO did speak to his brother. The buck stopped there so, address the problem with the problem “child” and let it go.
You seem really nice. I would have cussed her out the moment they said something about my child. She sounds like a jerk and your s/o sounds like he doesn’t care.
Stop inviting her around and including her. Why keep hurting your own feelings, I would’ve cut them off after the first time.
Have you ever thought about writing her a message asking why you guys became estranged?
Flat out ask her what her issue is. And if there’s any way you guys can rekindle your friendship…if not, then stop trying
If he doesn’t care how these ppl make you feel you can go Gray rock on them. No contact no information nothing. You didn’t marry his family (unpopular opinion, I know) and if he inst in a position to protect you simply to keep the peace than you need to protect yourself
At the end of the day explaining your feelings shouldn’t end in an argument, if hes worried how theyll react for explaining they’ve hurt you than that should be an indication that they will never change… but he shouldn’t expect you to treat them like the family they dont act like
What will an explanation reay do for you anyways, give her a chance to defend herself 
no thanks …they are adults not babies
Been here but as the opposite…my family has been very rude and disrespectful to my SO and I showed it was not tolerated or acceptable and we stayed clear of family events…and leaned toward more events on my SO side of the family…once my dad seen I was serious on being respectful or missing out completely he has completely switched his attitude but let your man know what’s up and how you feel and that you’d like something to be done…my man didn’t have to ask…he is my partner and will be respected…no question but men can be a bit slow haha so maybe you need to tell your man you feel this way and want something done about it maybe burn some bridges for awhile and stick to just you…your kids and man…stop all the family bdays and family dinners…cuz it seems to be nothing but events to get hurt feelings over and to nit pick the small things that turn to drama…it’s worked great the past 3 years here…we do birthdays solo…and other events solo…we get an advance on holidays and plan depending on who…but it’s about being family not finding the smallest comments or issue to magnify and make dramatic so we don’t we keep to ourselves and it’s honestly amazing…
Yes, your significant other should defend you. HOWEVER, never be afraid to defend yourself! Doesn’t matter if you’re at someone else’s home or if they’re at yours. If you allow people to walk all over you and let things slid, it will never stop.
I’d rip her a new asshole in front of everybody - nobody wants to speak up? As well, here we go!
I really don’t see the need to be buddy buddy especially when they’re showing you they don’t want to be buddy buddy
You’ve already said he’s brought his brother’s wife behavior to his attention. He did stand up. After that, it’s on his brother and his wife. You need to just stop inviting them to anything. They seem jealous and toxic. Your husband doesn’t need that in his sobriety. He needs support right now. Focus on him.
You can’t control their behaviors. If they cross your boundaries then don’t see them. Just bc people are in your life doesn’t mean they need to continue to be in your life. They have shown you multiple times how they feel about your family with their behavior… believe them. And do not continue to have her in your wedding. Attendants should be people cheering on your relationship and who care for you… they are neither. Good luck and I’m sorry that sometimes family sucks.
Don’t invite her to anything else. Problem solved.
You should always stand up for yourself and your family. Period. It shouldn’t matter who you upset in the process. At this point they think you’re a doormat because you have been up until this point. Stand your ground and tell your SO you need them to stand with you because this is all unacceptable and it WILL continue for as long as you allow it.
Stop inviting them to your events period and start making it clear they were wrong to disrespect your husbands sobriety and your home. Your man can either stand behind you or lose you point blank. Meet up with her and ask her what her deal is and tell her to grow up.
Put your foot down and your so should be standing up for you
They dont like you so stop trying to please them. Yes your SO should have your back…right is right and wrong is wrong.
Maybe talk to her one on one and find out what her issues are , see if there is something that maybe you have done or said that she has taken offence to , best to find out direct from her .
With "family " like her , who needs enemies.
By saying something about her behavior before he did speak up but nothing came of it. He didn’t want drama but he did bring it to his brothers attention. You want this to stop? Okay, it can. Stop inviting them to anything. Clearly they don’t want to be there and if anyone asks tell them until she can act like she has some respect she is not allowed in your home. Period. You’ve allowed and allowed and allowed it by asking her to come to this and that, now stop. Treat her like she does you, don’t acknowledge her. You’re putting more effort into her than it’s worth. Focus on him and his sobriety, be there for him, take care of your family and stop caring so much about a person that doesn’t even acknowledge you. Congratulations to him for being sober!
Delete block and move on my go to saying unless they uplift you with the same energy then ya but they dropped hun just move on and be happy and live yalls life.
I can’t read anymore eject her from your life she doesn’t want you in hers so reciprocate the sentiment. If you said no alcohol at the house and she shows up with one … I’d shut the door again in her face
First bad vibe I would’ve gotten I would’ve cut them off your way too lenient I think it’s time you cut them off even their kids are toxic I would never have someone speak to my daughter like that even if it is a child you need to stand up for yourself and family and cut them off
Sounds like the sister in law wants both brothers and you got in the way😂
Remove them from your life/events.
You need to get this sorted now! Your partner is intending to make a commitment to you - that means he’s supposed to have your back completely, unless you’re wrong in which case he should still defend you but tell you that you’re wrong!
Why is everyone afraid to upset this woman? Why did you not stand up for your partner when alcohol bought into your own home?
You’re not wrong for being upset, but you’re also perfectly capable of asking his family what their problem is
You said your so was an alcoholic. Is it possible then that he was acting a fool and making scenes at family events? Just wondering if he was behaving badly at any of those because the alcohol. Have you tried just straight up asking her what her problem with you and your family is? I know I would have once words were said to my children. Adults need to leave their adult problems behind closed doors.
I’m mad just reading this and asking why are you allowing this woman and yr I laws to treat you and yr children in this manner. If yr man don’t want to stand up for you, he’s not the one gor you, 6 years or not. Will you live like this for the REST OF YOUR LIFE? Do you want to be unhappy gor the REST OF YOUR LIFE??? Stop reaching out to this woman and yr in-laws. Your husband should be putting YOU and your relationship FIRST!!! Who does he have sex with, you or his brother??Just do your and yr children. If you CANNOT let go of these toxic people, if you CANNOT put yourself and your children first in YOUR life, then go along and DONT complain.
She sounds rotten. Cut her oit of the equation 
Nope. Just don’t invite toxic people into your home. Ignore them.