I have two sisters I will name them Molly and Heidi
Molly has a stepdaughter and Heidi has a daughter
Molly will buy my niece a bday gift and Christmas but she can’t buy my two kids anything she will said I don’t have the money but will spend money on our niece so my question is I being selfish if I don’t buy her step daughter a bday gift and a Christmas present???
I have a problem
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Am I obligated to buy presents for family when it isn't reciprocated?
Don’t be petty. It is not the childs fault.
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Don’t punish the kids. Don’t give gifts to the parents.
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We only buy gifts for our kids.
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If you can afford it yes,
It’s not the kids fault the parents are being petty
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I wouldn’t buy for them if they didn’t for mine. And I’d say I was too broke 
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Buy for the kids. Screw the parents
I would never stop buying a child’s gift. They don’t know whats going on.
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Presents aren’t about reciprocation. If you want to buy the girl a gift it’s about the gift. If it’s about anything else than don’t.
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I would never not get something for my nephew simply because his parents didn’t get my kids something. That’s petty. The child did nothing
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Take away the adult drama and think of how the children will feel on the receiving end.
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For all they know, you’re broke too.
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I have a few nieces and I only buy for my daughter and my fiance 
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Don’t punish the kids. They are innocent. Sounds alot like my sister except she wants nothing to do with my kids and tries to keep her kids from me (I didn’t do anything shes got a grudge against me cause my parents are together and hers arent)
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Gifting isn’t about having it reciprocated.
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Its bout giveing…dont stop so low
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Don’t be petty its not the kids fault your sister a asshats
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It is about you and your relationships. It’s not about them and thier relationships.
Some really can’t afford and some are just petty
I can’t tell you what to do, but at the end of the day, a child may not understand why you’ll stop giving her gifts!
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No you’re not being selfish.
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It happens all the time with my kids and I continue to buy the other kids gifts bc they still deserve it.
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Be the bigger person buy the kid a gift.
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Don’t punish the child for your sister’s actions. Buy that kid a present if you can afford it.
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This is what we do. Each one brings a present for their child just the name, not who it’s from. Each child has a gift under the tree and the adults play dirty Santa.
I dont buy for people’s kids that dont buy for mine. Dont send my dad even a Father’s Day card or anything bc never comes to bdays or holidays to spend time with my kids. Dont make an effort for my family…why should i do it for yours? Im too broke anyway…lol.
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In this situation you have to think of the kids solely. Screw the sisters but don’t leave a child out. Just because your sisters don’t have the same respect for your kids doesn’t mean that other child should suffer. Bring a couple surprise gifts for your kids to the Christmas gathering so they don’t feel left out.
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You’re never obligated to do anything for anyone outside of caring for your children.
It’s not the kids fault. 
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If you have it in your budget than get the child a gift. You may not know their 100% finance. And rather be a step or blood it is still apart of your sister. 
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Comes from the heart!
NOPE. Christmas is really over rated! We stress over it, people go in debt over it. I would say…. Nope! Suggest a gift exchange for the kids. If they don’t want to do it then….nope again.
While it’s not the kids fault, I would buy for them, but my “sisters” wouldn’t get a thing ever.
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I mean, I buy gifts when I can for whoever. Gifts are never a requirement anyways. If you can give a gift, you should. They’re kids. It’s not the kids fault. Set an example for your kids.
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You should give without expecting anything in return! It’s better to give rather than to receive! Teach your kids the same.
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You don’t give gifts because you expect something in return. You do it from the kindness of your heart. You honestly sound a bit spoiled.
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You’re not obligated to do anything.
Do what works for you!
The kids will remember who did stuff for them!
Don’t take it out on the kids. I would buy for them anyway
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Yeah, it’s about the kids screw everyone else.
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It’s not the kids fault…
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If you think gifts are about reciprocation, then you’re doing it all wrong to begin with.
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Not the kids fault but I’d definitely never get shit for the sisters!
Your being petty to the children for an action that their adult chooses to do or not do…
That child did nothing wrong and you should not take it our on them.
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I’d still but them something but don’t go broke doing it. I would buy coloring books and crayons.
Yeah punish the kid. That is awesome.
I would continue buying for her and dont expect anything. A gift is nice but i dont expect them for my kids. Just maybe dont purchase your sister anything
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I get every one my daughter nephews an nieces an God kids it’s bout the kids an there joy not bout us idc if I’m mad at my sis or bf an God kids parents you don’t need to get the biggest an flashey the kids will enjoy it
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Not selfish but petit. You’re taking it out on the child bc of her mother. Imagine how she’s gonna feel wonder what she did wrong that you no longer get her gifts. That’s very immature.
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I still do for all my nieces and nephews even if they don’t for my kids
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Just some chocolate 
x
Only if you don’t resent it. I buy my stepchildren things even though they don’t reciprocate. I try not to have expectations. Prayers
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Give the same as you get. If they are gonna leave your kids out, and treat them that way, don’t do anything for her or her family.
I give gifts because I want to and not because I expect something in return. Pretty sad for the kids in this situation.
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It’s a child, they have no control over what their parents do, if you have the means to give them a gift in a setting where your children are also receiving gifts I would always choose to do so.
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No do not spend your money if she ask was he tells her quit being a door mat
Remember its not the kids fault
Umm … giving gifts should not be about what you get ever, and taking it out on kids? Super mature and classy
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Don’t publish the kids for adult pettiness. It’s not that kids fault.
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No child should be denied a present because of the decision of an adult. Don’t stop giving a child a gift because one isn’t returned. That’s childish behavior.
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Why punish the kid for the adult being a wankdolphin?
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Teach your children to give instead of thinking they must recieve. Gift giving is supposed to be fun. Let me guess, you’re the type that leaves the price tag on…
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Never punish the children for the mistakes of adults. Your sister will understand it was meant to hurt her, the child won’t though. Even if she’s told it’s not because of her it’ll still feel like a nice lie that’s only purpose is to soothe her feelings. Best not to even risking being that kind of cruelty in her life. Find another way to get the point across to your sister without using the children as weapons.
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While your not obligated to do so is it the child’s fault? I mean it’s pretty sad the child will suffer because of the parent. The kid will remember that you left them out. While your sisters are not right in their actions don’t take it out of your niece it just isn’t fair to the kid.
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Be the bigger person. Kids don’t understand those things they only see the other get a gift from you and they get nothing. Kids will grow up to realize the situation.
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Why punish the child when their parent is in the wrong?
When kids involved, think about their feelings, you can do better, you can be the better person, they won’t understand the reason behind it when you aren’t buying them a gift, they will only see that aunty didn’t get them anything, and they will always wonder why.
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Why punish a child? That’s wrong…
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A kid can’t help it if their parents are jerks. Don’t punish the kids.
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Youre not obligated to, but why choose deny something for her when she has no control over what your sister does? Give gifts out of the kindness and love you have for someone, not to expect something in return.
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take the kids out only with yours to their favorite restaurant . just an idea
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Why should the kid be mistreated because of how you feel about the parent? Maybe she really is broke. Sometimes that $5 we have in our pocket is better spent on a bag of potatoes to feed the kids.
The child in no way deserves to have you just stop something you always do for them. Even if it’s just love that you show them instead of pointing out that they are just a step child! That child is a bonus!! Make them feel like one 
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Why would you be petty and take it out on the child when they have nothing to do with it?
Just because the adults want to act like children dosent mean the kids deserve to be involved in that.
Grow up.
A gift is something you give out of the kidness of your heart with nothing expected in return.
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hell no shame on her.
You’re never obligated to give a gift. A gift is given out of love.
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Honestly I get where you are coming from.
Personally I would buy the child and only the child gifts. Not the sister or their spouses.
If you do not know or spend time with the kids though it isn’t really a big deal. Most kids don’t remember who gave what.
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Yes , its petty. Why punish a child for an adults shit behaviour!!
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My in laws would rather not say happy birthday or anything to my kids but I’m expecting to do it for them. This year is gonna be spent on my kids. As I used to go all out on all kids and struggle for mine
Because punishing a child for the actions of an adult makes perfect sense….
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Absolutely, it’s not the kids fault.
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I would not buy anything I had a husband’s family that was this way she’d buy his two boys expensive gifts and my children would get cheap ass rinky dink Avon shit every time I didn’t ever buy for nobody else other than my kids and my step kids when me and him was still together the last time we ever went to his mom’s house his sister said oh she got presents and they’re good presents for all of them same old rinky dink crap we didn’t even go over there all day and wasn’t going to go over there but his sister told him oh yeah they got presents and it was the same old bull crap didn’t spend another Christmas there I was out of that family thank God
Not the child’s fault. I always buy for the kids in our family whether their parent’s buy for my child or not
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I can tell you from first hand experience the only one that gets hurt and will remember it in the long run is the child. I had a family member that would go out of her way to buy everyone in the family something expect me( when I say I was literally like 6 or 7 at the time) to this day it still annoys me . I have 2 little ones now and from the start no one is permitted to buy just one of my kids something. It hads definitely shaped how I handle situations with my kids.
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Umm nope save your money
My family does this but I understand my other family member needs more help then I do my kids are spoilt on Christmas birthdays etc hers are not I’d rather them get a few extras then my own and my kids understand too
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Never use the child as a weapon. You may think your making an innocent choice, when overall your ultimately hurting the child more than anything. Be the better person. Two wrongs don’t make a right. Especially when it involves a child.
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I would buy for them either way bc they’re just kids. It’s not their fault
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We deal with this same thing. It stings a little bit the first few times, but it’s pretty easy to get over. If your kids are like ours, it bothers you more than it bothers them. Hang in there.
My in laws were like this with my daughter for a while. For years I kept getting their kids stuff, until I didn’t. Their parents have money and it isn’t mistreating. They disliked me for a while and although didn’t outright say it they also didn’t hide it. My partner had my bonus daughter, his brother has 2 + 1 bonus, and his sister has 1. The adults would always get him and our oldest (13) something and would exclude me and my daughter (9). I make more than my partner and cover more expenses and out of my heart would get all their kids something. It was a really bad feeling to see my daughter excluded simply because she’s mine. So 2 Christmases ago I didn’t get any of their kids anything. My partner put his foot down and told them they were being rude (would invite him and oldest for celebration but not me and our 9 yr old) and to not get him anything anymore either. Last year both his sisters changed and got my daughter something too. His brother did not. It’s not about the gift itself. His brothers wife gets upset if her son is treated differently or is excluded from stuff so why act like that towards my daughter if she doesn’t like how it feels? Example is March my family came from out of town and we went paintballing, we invited his brothers son, no other nieces or nephews, because they’re really close. It wasn’t to be mean and we didn’t mean to hurt anyone’s feeling, I paid for half as a bday gift for my brother’s (14) and it was 40 a person so we only invited 1 instead of all 4 nieces and nephews, his s.i.l had her husband talk to my partner and let him know that her sons feelings were hurt, we agreed to invite him next time. So why exclude my daughter? I didn’t intentionally do it to hurt him, yet it’s pretty obvious ehen every kid but mine recieves a gift, we have a 5 bow in town too
Hell no … Do not even think … You need to buy them anything … Take that money and buy your kids something … Screw them
If you always buy the child a gift that will deeply hurt that child if you buy a gift for your other sisters child, and stop giving her gifts.
I would just limit your spending and keep to a small budget when buying for her.
This seems the fair thing to do without causing harm to the kids.
Otherwise you’ll just be turning around and doing exactly what bothers you about Molly, only buying gifts for Heidi’s child.
Gifts should never be a tit for a tat. You do because you can and want to. One child shouldn’t suffer bc a parent (who is an adult) didn’t give to another kid. The kid doesn’t know any better and can’t force an adult to do the right thing. If you can give it, you should. That’s my opinion.
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Yes as a child this happened to I was really hurt over it.
Don’t take it out on the stepdaughter.
I mean…its not the kids fault? Its not like your buying your sister a present. The child will probably not even remember if you got a gift for them or not. Don’t be hard on yourself, but also don’t take it out on the kid because she literally has nothing to do with what her mom does and doesn’t do.
I don’t think it’s selfish as much as I think it’s petty. Thats a child, your niece at that. It’s not her fault their mother/stepmother (whatever) is doing something you don’t like so why take it out on her.
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I mean don’t go out of your way for gifts for them but don’t punish the child for the parents negligence. But go out of the way for your kids so when they question why they don’t buy them gifts it’d because mommy buys you everything already and your aunties don’t want to accidentally get you two of something you have already.
Giving gifts is never an obligation, and giving a gift and expecting one back isn’t cool. Be a giver to give, not to get.
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Don’t buy anything for anybody, that way the step daughter won’t think it’s only against her, because nobody will be receiving anything from you, buy your kids something extra nice 
, when they ask reply the same as your sister does to you
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you should be buying gifts because you want to give them, not because you feel you should have to.
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Listen if you want to buy for the child then buy for her. Don’t buy for them if you expect presents in return. I would continue to by her something I mean you are doing this out of love for the child and not to impress anyone right. Children should never be made to feel bad for what there parents do or don’t do. God bless
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Don’t take it out on the kiddos. There’s enough ugly in the world for a family member to add to it. 