I have a 12yo daughter. She has a lot of friends, but most of them are quite immature like she is and silly. Anyway, she’s friends with a 12yo boy and a few of her girlfriends; she and one of her girlfriends and this boy have gone to the city today. A huge thing for me to even agree too but she has had a great day out with them, she is having her girlfriend stay the night, which is fine, of course, but she’s sent me a text asking if this boy can also sleepover tonight. And I’ve completely flipped out. Mine flipped out isn’t screaming or yelling, but I feel it inside. Instead, I just sent a text back saying how disappointed I am and how I cannot believe she would even ask such a question. She now thinks it’s unfair and can’t believe I’d be so angry about it. So I’ve then told her she now can’t have her friend stay the night either as she’s got some serious thinking to do. I’m beyond upset about this. How on earth could she think it’s okay for a BOY to sleep the night with two girls in one room!!! How would anyone agree to this? It is so unsafe and just unbelievable. I’ve told the other girl’s mum that I’m sorry, but I can’t have her over tonight now as my daughter is grounded. But the other mum seems to think I’m unreasonable?! I mean, come on! Someone, please back me up here. How could I not react this way? How could any parent not be upset and angry over this?
Major overreaction. A simple no would have sufficed. Or just be a cool mom and say yes but he sleeps in another room. Instead you’re being an uptight, helicopter, dictator parent. Keep that up and she will rebel so hard throughout her teens and grow in resentment towards you.
Very much overreacting! Growing up I stayed over or had boys who were good friends stay over at mine from a young age, they were just friends, I never saw them as any different, mum always had the doors open but that’s it. Your daughter doesn’t even understand what she’s done wrong but yet you are being so hard on her. Don’t push her to the point where she never tells you the truth.
Total overreaction. They’re 12, not just like it’s the boy and girl alone. Way to make your child resent you and eventually rebel.
Definitely overreacting, chances are your daughter doesn’t understand why it would be so bad to have a boy over. Grounding your daughter for asking? Jeez. Children are people, you can have actual conversations with them.
Geezus hell. This is beyond an overreaction. Your kid doesn’t understand what the fuck she did wrong. All she sees is she asks a question and then gets bitched at and grounded. Way to tell your kid that they can’t as you even simple shit without getting bitched out and grounded because you want to jump to piss poor accusations that you make up in your head. This is why kids now days never talk to their parents. Growing up I was allowed to have mixed company and never once did anyone flip their lid because we were literal KIDS. Sheesh lady, go get some counseling or something
Complete overreaction. A simple no with an age appropriate explanation would’ve sufficed. She certainly didn’t need to be grounded just for asking. Holy crap.
I posted on the FB post but, figured I would post here to make sure:
yeah…that’s over-reacting. Quite simply put…you could have said 'no, it’s already been a lot for mom to deal with today, maybe another time." and then had a discussion about what is and isn’t off-limits for asking for permission.
No matter the circumstances, your child simply asking permission for something does not warrant losing it on them like that.
If the question your daughter asked led you to worry about other things like sex and stuff… then you need to have that talk.
basically, what you did was try to have that talk but at peak emotion, while your daughter had no way of being able to prepare for the onslaught.
Effectively, you have ensured that if the daughter thinks you might not approve of her asking for something…she’ll just do it and throw the dice you don’t find out, cuz you’ll be ma either way.
we have to give our children room to make mistakes. room to grow. Room to learn. You have taken all 3 of those things away from her in this single conversation.
you have a lot of making up to do.
Now, I actually don’t think it’s out of the question to say no to letting a boy stay over at age 12…at that age…they know things about the difference between boys and girls and if you’re not planning on keeping an eye on them the whole time…maybe it’s too big an ask.
but, I also could see a 12yo boy who is best friends with 2 girls…as being the kind of boy who…maybe isn’t a danger to have around? I mean…i was absolutely harmless at 12. but I know classmates getting bj’s at 13 so… it depends. Do you trust your daughter? do you know the boy? do you trust him? do you trust his parents?
i think it would actually be a huge deal if you apologized, told your daughter he could stay over, and then just make sure you keep an eye on them all. keep the door open, maybe set up sleeping arrangements in the living room so you can sleep on the couch or whatever with or nearby them. etc etc.
Give your daughter some credit. some room to make her own decisions. you admit you already let her do one thing you were anxious about and it turned out just fine. Have faith you raised your daughter well, and don’t be surprised when a few lessons didn’t stick as hard as you hoped.
preteen/teen is an EXTREMELY difficult/volatile time. Showing you trust her…to an extent…that you believe she is smart…will make good decisions… That will go so much further than trying to protect them and make all their decisions for them. At this age…we’re less parents and more role-models. Less of a teacher and more of a cooky college professor who only keeps doing the job because they love it. The time for ‘do this and do that’ is gone. Now, you need their buy-in. they have to want to do it…need to do it. they have to have explanations and understanding. they are becoming their own person, they need help learning how. Thats where we come in. we answer questions and example good behaviors and try to reinforce the ethics and morals and beliefs we believe are paramount to being a good person.
but, as exampled by many stories over the centuries…the harder you try to tell or force a teenager to do something…the more likely they would do the opposite just because. but if you empower them to make the right decision instead of you making it for them…they’ll probably do the right thing.
honestly…let the boy stay over. I’m sure it will be fine and a little rope now, might save you a lot of trouble down the road.
Quick story:
my mom n dad told me that If I ever was drinking n needed a ride home to call, any hour, and they get me no questions asked. Well, after I graduated and I had my own job(was still only 17tho) I called one night and asked for a ride at like 3am. like 40mins outside of town(why i needed the ride) So my dad came, he didn’t say anything about the party or drinking. Only that it wqas a long ass drive and I better not sleep cuz i needed to help keep him awake. lol But, the next morning my MOM laid into me. talking about how i had bad friends and made bad decisions etc and made me feel like shit.
so, the next time I was drunk…I just drove home anyway, not wanting to hear my moms bullshit. I mean…I made it home fine but…i didn’t remember driving home at all. couldn’t remember where my keys were(i left them in the door) etc. I should have called…but because I had a bad experience ‘doing the right thing’ like asking…I decided to stop asking.
trust me…the one thing you never want to happen…is for your teenager to feel like you cannot be trusted with information that might upset you. because as a parent…pretty much all information is apt to upset us. lol so if you want ur kid to tell you about whats going on in their life and what they think about sex and drugs and everything else…you can’t lose your shit on them when they are just asking if they can hang out with a friend.
Sometimes all it takes is one bad experience. 12 is a very fragile and influential state of mind. But I agree, she flipped her shit over nothing except a question. I really don’t get some people sometimes.
The majority is not always correct. I know there are a lot of people who disagree with you. The only thing I think could have been done differently is simply stating no and telling her that you will explain your reasoning later when she got home. I would NEVER let the opposite gender sleep over there is so much peer pressure and so many young girls having sex and doing other things that they shouldn’t be. It’s best to avoid putting either one of the girls and even the boy in a possibly sticky situation. If I had a daughter that reacted to my no with an attitude I also would have told them that they were then not allowed to have the other individual stay over either. In our household we treat our children with respect but we also believe in having them respect our decision as the parent and expect them to understand that our decision isn’t to “ruin their fun” but rather to protect them and help prevent them from making mistakes. We won’t always be able to protect them from everything or prevent every mistake but when they get older they will understand better. I would just recommend sitting down with your daughter and explaining why you don’t think it’s a good idea for a boy to stay the night and that as her parent it’s your job to protect and guide the best you can. Try to get her to see things from your perspective the best you can. If you didn’t love her then you’d let her do whatever she wants whenever she wants but because you care you do have rules and guidelines.
Yes.
This was a major overreaction on your part, but after reading everyone else’s responses, I’m sure that you have realized that the vast majority of us believe that you are in the wrong.
There were several other courses of action that you could have taken, unfortunately you have chosen to punish your child for asking a question. You have taught her a very dangerous lesson, in that she cannot come to you with questions. I am sincerely urging you to correct this now, before it is too late. One day she will have questions about much bigger things, and she has now learned that her mom is not a safe person to ask.
Now ask yourself: why was this your reaction? Your daughter may not have any interest in this boy outside of him being a friend. This boy could be gay or asexual. The same goes for your daughter. On the flip side, your daughter and her best friend could both be lesbians or bisexual. Are you going to ban her from having any friends of all because of a possibility? I sincerely hope not.
You owe your daughter an apology. The very least you could have done was explain to her your thought process. Even if it is unreasonable, it would be better than grounding her for asking a question.
Definitely a bit unreasonable to punish her for asking when a simple “no I’m uncomfortable would do”, but still I personally think it is unfair to immediately think of children in sexual situations and thinking that is all they would think about. It shows her where your mind sits. Telling your child you’re disappointed in them asking you a question and making it immediately sexual, leads to them being uncomfortable coming to you about anything in the future. You’re now raising a child who will likely lie to you when she does progress into sexual thoughts instead of helping her grow up understanding and feeling comfortable coming to you with them. Personally my best friend and I had many sleepovers with mixed genders as children and continuing through teen years. Once bedtime hits genders slept in separate rooms and because we knew we were in a safe space with her mom to begin with no one snuck around behind her moms back. Sometimes her mom would stay up late with us and have a camp out in the room with us. We knew it made her more comfortable, but she never blamed us or admitted that it was because of her own discomfort because she didn’t want us to start feeling uncomfortable having male who were just friends. She would just say she wanted to have a girls night and we’d all be laughing and enjoying the night together I had so much respect for her and she was a wonderful person to have in my life growing up. Please take some notes so you can be that person for her instead of pushing her away from you.
Oh, I also forgot to add…that it is REALLY nice/healthy for your daughter to develop healthy relationships with men/boys. Esp at this age.
This is when girls get a rather rude wakeup call…where puberty separates the girls from the soon-to-be women and suddenly relationships with boys are different. Not like friends become boyfriends or whatever but…that girls start to realize how much looks and that crap matter to boys.
I have dated a lot of women, I have been in female-dominated industries my whole career and have been a supervisor/manager/coach/trainer, etc. So I’ve developed a lot of close relationships with women both romantic and non…and I’ve come to realize that girls that grew up with a male friend their age are SOOOO much better adjusted. Girls who put too much pressure on themselves to get boy attention or decide it’s all pointless and give up…have a bad time. When there is a boy who can be honest and truthful and enjoy your company without it having anything to do with sex or looks, the effect is immeasurable. She doesn’t ‘need’ make-up…doesn’t need to be asked out to the dance by the cute boy…doesn’t ‘need’ to wear revealing clothing for attention etc etc.
I get you’re not telling her she can’t be friends with him but, what you’re doing is showing her there is a difference between boys and girls that prohibits friendships between the sexes because it’s ‘not ok’ or ‘unnatural’ or not-virtuous etc etc. Instead. Let her enjoy having a male friend. Maybe there is some sort of crushing type of situation going on…what better way to find out than for them to be around you more, so you can get more clues/info. 
You overreacted way to much, your daughter asked a simple question a no would have been enough, your concern about them staying in the same room could have easily been avoided by making him sleep in the living room or something like that. Let your daughter be a kid, don’t punish her for wanting to be a kid.
You completely over reacted, it’s fine to say no but grounding her for asking a question? You’ll be the last to find out things going on in her life if you carry on.
Going forward, apologise for over reacting, unground her and explain why you said no and your reasons. Ask if she can come up with solutions to help the situation? Maybe he sleeps in another room or comes round but gets picked up later.
completely overreacting. you could have just said no but punishing her for asking is way too much
I only had male friends at your daughters age, or at least only male friends that I would be close enough to want to have them spend the night. My parents allowed it as did my friends parents… for starters how much sleep does any 12 year old get when friends sleep over?? Is this boy someone she has been friends with for a while or did he just become her/their friend because if they’ve been friends for a while I assume you know him and I’m sure you could have said that when it was time for bed the girls go into your daughters room he gets the couch. Oh and you grounded your daughter for simply asking you a question? How should she know what is right or wrong according to you if she never asks? However you chose to ground her for asking, so do you think the next time she doesn’t know something r she is going to ask you? Likely not because what if it goes against what you believe she will get in trouble. You are burning bridges of communication with your daughter because of a question. Imagine what she won’t ask you next time??? You could have used this as a moment to teach her but instead you shut her down and out… not a great way to head into her teen years when the questions get bigger, more difficult and often scary and now she will second guess if talking to you is the right thing to do.
Hi, Im from Philippines, maybe you should put a cctv camera on her/his room as she is still need a fully guidance, parrnts always have guts to their own children, so if they are not feeling right what you decide, maybe you should explain in a nice way. Maybe its depend on your way of how you express it to your child. Sometimes kids are happy with their friends around, they can be friendly at any gender. But yeah, put a litte trust to your children, dont put a bad idea to them why your not allowing them to do it. As if, childrrs are really having fun at their age, i felt that. But thanks to this, sooner or later, if I got my own children, I will look for what they ask for, but yeah mother always have guts to their children. You should taker your children tho. Do your part as they are need guidance to their age.
No age of a siblingsif they still want your advices as you are the parent that they can trust, give it what is best to do, even they dont like but its the best way you can sharr with them.
Saying no is okay but you could’ve definitely handled this differently she felt comfortable enough to ask you now she probably won’t ask you things in the future because of how you reacted. My advice is if a situation arises again and she asks you something talk to her fairly, tell her why you don’t want something to happen and your reasoning. Don’t punish her because you got asked a question. If she can’t come to you with questions who can she go to?
I belive its an overeaction to some extent. But the reaction was based on assumptions. I’m wondering if you realize kids are being sociizl!ed differently than their parent’s were. So frankly your assuming this twelve year old identifies as male. 12 yr Olds don’t even know. Do I say yes allow sleepovers with opposite sexes and teach boundaries. Hope this point of view helps.
You’re ridiculous. Yes, you completely overreacted. I feel that you broke trust with your daughter and in the future your daughter will never tell you anything. She is going to hide things from you because you have no idea how to keep your emotions in check.
SHE WILL NEVER TELL YOU ANYTHING. YOU REACTED LIKE A CHILD AND BROKE WHATEVER TRUST YOU HAD. YOU MESSED UP.
SHE WILL NEVER TELL YOU ANYTHING IN THE FUTURE AND YOU WILL MISS OUT ON SO MUCH BECAUSE YOU CAN’T KEEP YOUR EMOTIONS IN CHECK.
You really messed up.
Your feelings are valid but I think you jumped the gun. You could have simply said no and explained to your daughter why it would have been inappropriate. She was riding on a high after having so much fun with both friends. I can understand why she wanted to keep the fun going with both friends. Now you have made a learning opportunity an rift in your relationship with your daughter. Now you won’t be the first person she comes to when she is ready to talk about boys. Next time be an ally. You might not yell but you were definitely hostile in your approach.
You got some serious thinking to do if you think 12 year olds are sex addicts, it’s NOT unsafe. Your gross for thinking that a boy is unsafe to be around 2 girls. For crying out loud they are 12. Make them all sleep in the living room. Grounding her is too far and now your child will most likely NEVER ask to have someone spend the night again, nor will her friends parents want their children around you who thinks their children,!who again are 12, have sex and will be unsafe at your house because of a boy. What if someone else parent said no because you have a husband and having a man in the house makes her child unsafe. You went too far grounding her, should have told her you have boundaries instead of being a horrible mother and making your child feel embarrassed, now she probably thinks you think she and her friends are sex addicts.
Also apologize to your child for being a child, she’s a kid, if you think she’s having sex your gross and if you think a 12 year old boy wants to come over to have sex again your gross. Seems to me you know nothing about your own daughter, unground her and take the L and learn your lesson. Punishing her for a simple questions is awful, and you’ll most likely never have her come to you for anything ever again but to me it seems like you’ll punish her for anything! Honestly you shouldn’t have anyone spend the night at your house if you have a husband because it’s unsafe! A man in the house around girls is unsafe. Smdh see how stupid that is?
She’s twelve. With how you reacted here, I’m going to guess you’ve never had a talk about sex with her, but still expect her to “know better”. How can she know what you haven’t told her, when it comes to your expectations? It makes even less sense to shame her like she was somehow trying to trick you when she just outright asked you - if she was trying to do something she knew she shouldn’t, she’d already be trying to hide it since she’d KNOW she wasn’t supposed to be doing that. Her ASKING you, is proof in itself she had nothing to hide and no ulterior motives. Kids for the most part don’t fight what they understand and think is fair. You could have just explained to her you were uncomfortable with that and offered a compromise that would model to her how to solve problems like that. Instead you made an unnecessary moral judgement, and when she RIGHTFULLY expressed that she didn’t think it was fair, you punished her just for HAVING feelings about it. And for entirely pointless motives - “she has a lot to think about?” She’s not going to be thinking about anything but how you needlessly humiliated her in front of her friends, refused to give her the dignity of even explaining why, and then threw a tantrum and power-played her because you didn’t like that she had her own thoughts about it, and how she can’t trust you anymore. Don’t let pride fuck up your kid. Go apologize and have an actual conversation with her.
Nobody’s saying she’s wrong to not be comfortable with a boy staying the night. How she handled it was absolutely wrong and more than likely pretty damaging. Not to mention, most of the time ““attitude”” is literally just having visible emotions about a parent’s decision. You’re grown - wouldn’t you feel some type of way if you asked a simple question and instead of being declined then calmly explained To why, you were read the riot act, attributed a slew of intentions and transgressions you didn’t have and didn’t happen, and when you voiced how unfair that was, you were punished again just for having feelings? Of course you would - we’re adults, we know that’s not how we interact with each other. Children are still people, still deserve explanations beyond “because I said so”, are still allowed to have feelings, and are in no way responsible for their adult’s feelings.
It’s perfectly fair and within her right to not want a boy sleeping over. It’s NOT fair or right to have made herself the victim and lashed out, instead of doing what you suggested here and handling it calmly and rationally.
It was probably completely innocent, and the better option would have been a simple no and then have a discussion with your child.
You have just labelled that boy as a predator, by saying it’s dangerous for him to sleep over.
Now I’m not saying you have, but IF you have been a victim of sexual assault, then you need to see a therapist to avoid putting your fears on your child.
You owe your daughter and explanation, and that boy an apology for the label you gave him.
It seems a normal request for her to ask if her friend could stay the night, boy or girl. What isn’t so normal is your reaction to it. I don’t feel like that warranted a scolding telling her she had some serious thinking to do. You said yourself she’s immature and silly so I’m sure nothing nefarious was intended or even thought of. You could have just said no, we don’t allow coed sleepovers here but your girl friend can stay over. Honestly I feel like you just put a huge wedge in between you guys. Not only did you just tell her you don’t trust her but that you don’t trust her friends either.
Your child is going to have some serious rebellion when she’s a little bit older being yelled at then Being grounded you should not have acted like a teenager and instead sat her down and voiced your concern in a different way
Coming from the standpoint of someone who had a mother like that, let me explain. This was borderline abusive. She asked an innocent question and you grounded her for it and said you were disappointed she would even ask. That’s not okay. All you had to say was no because you aren’t comfortable with it and you would talk more when she got home. Then you could have sat her down and calmly explained to her why it made you uncomfortable. Instead, you made her feel like an awful person and child just for asking mom a simple question. You way overreacted and now next time she has a question she won’t ask and she might hide things from you because she doesn’t want to basically be borderline berated for asking simple questions. That’s not okay and you need to unground her and immediately apologize.
Super unreasonable. How about have an open discussion? Ask questions to encourage thought. She’s young and innocent. Why would she think otherwise! Give options. You could have him sleep on the sofa. Or say no and explain why. Why would you ground her? I don’t understand that. Teachable moment not punishable.
it’s okay to say no but you’re over reacting by saying you’re disappointed in her. it’s never that serious and saying something that hurtful is something she’ll remember for a long time due to how you made her feel. you then made it even worse by grounding her and telling her that her other girl friend can’t stay. you’re being a helicopter parent and as your daughter gets older she’ll definitely feel the need to consistently lie to you if you continue to react the way u do
Grounding her for asking a question, and canceling her sleep over with the female friend… You’re asking for problems later. What a way to damage your relationship with your kid, and guarantee she will not trust you to ask questions or ask for help later on. I have a teenage girl, and she has has male friends stay over - I have rules, which have always been followed amd respected. I think you’ll really regret this choice very soon.
Yea you over reacted she is asking from the point of view as that’s her friend and you looking at it as a negative point of view which I won’t state but yea you are over reacting she shouldn’t be grounded or scolded for that at least she had the decency and respect to ask 🤷
Everyone parents differently but grounding her for asking a simple question is just teaching her to hide things from you IMO. You could have just told her no. My 12 year old has had sleepovers with both boys and girls. I just run it by all the parents and boys sleep in another room.
Umm yeah you’re overreacting. All she did was ask a question. It’s this kind of crap that caused me to move out at 18 and never speak to my mother again. How are you supposed to trust or want anything to do with someone if they’re going to flip out and insult you just for asking a question?
You’re an unreasonable a hole & had I been your daughter I wouldn’t have even come home so be careful how you’re treating her because she WILL rebel eventually. Yes I am a mother & no way would I embarrass my child like that. A simple NO would’ve been adequate do you not think?
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Am I over reacting about my daughter asking if a boy can stay the night? - Mamas Uncut
Uh I think your over reacting.
I would have to say that yes you are overreacting. However with that said the boy would not be staying but the girlfriend can. I made that mistake with my daughter at 14. I let her have her girlfriends over and my son had his friends over who were the same age as my daughter. Her and her girlfriends slept on third floor with son and friends slept on first floor living room. Unfortunately stuff still happened so never again.
I think there’s a much better way to handle this. Maybe say not tonight but we can talk about it. And let her friend stay. Your gonna make her hate you and not want to talk to you.
You’re over reacting. Have the boy sleep in a different area. Shouldn’t even of grounded her for this.
My mom let me but the boy slept in the living room and my door stayed open at all times.
I think you’re over reacting. She asked if her friend can stay the night. A friend who happens to be a boy. You are freaking out over nothing and making this a bigger deal than it should be.
Don’t even start because it will continue and what will you say??? Not only that, don’t put that boy in a position to have to defend himself. Kids are cruel
Leave the door open and have the boy sleep on the couch
My niece is 13 and her best friend is a boy. When the boy does sleepover, he sleeps on the couch.
Did she ask if she could have sex with the boy? Sleep in the same bed? Or just have him sleep over?
You’re overreacting. Big time. You owe her an apology.
YOU made the assumption any of the kids were thinking he would be sleeping in the same bedroom. Also. You’re overreacting in general.
I think you over reacted I would of said no sorry if she needed a reason I’d explain in our home that’s not what we do but you like went to level 500
You could of said no to the boy staying and just explained the reason to her but instead you punished her for asking you . If you keep over reacting like this , she will never feel comfortable coming to you about anything , which isn’t good at all
Your reaction was bad. You can say no without doing it like this. Definitely over reacted to shame her like that. Take the time to think about your own actions too. Children are children until they’re taught differently and you’ve just taught her boys are inherently bad. You could’ve supervised the sleepover without any incidents…
Yes, sorry. A simple no would have been better. She is going tombe afraid to come.to you for bigger things if this is how you react.
Ummm a little dramatic
Saying no is one thing. You you seriously grounded your kid for asking a question??
If she gets in trouble for honest communication and asking you things. Buckle up for the teen years.
You’ve stopped her friend from staying over and grounded her for this ? Wow yeh your over reacting
I’m 100% with you! No freaking way at I letting a 12 year old boy stay the night with my daughter. That will be a no from me. Good for you momma!
Overreaction on your part causes distrust on her part. Try having a conversation with her rather than automatically jumping her case with the “disappointment and grounded” card. There were 50 other ways you could’ve handled that, but the cards you laid out aren’t winning ones.
Over reacting. They could have slept in separate rooms. She’s 12. Not 15.
Growing up my parents let boys stay the night, they had their own room and of course we had rules but because of that I NEVER disrespected them or their house. It got to the point where my best friend who was a boy was allowed to sleep in my room on the cot because my parents realized that we were just friends and could be trusted. He went on vacation with us to the beach at 13. By over reacting you are helping to create a divide. You’re showing her that YOU don’t think boys and girls can be just friends and that’s not good.
Whoa. Your definitely over reacting. Calm down. This is literally nothing to be upset about
Nope. Hell no. When they live on their own they can have friends of the opposite sex stay the night
I wouldn’t agree to having him sleep over however grounding her and overreacting is absolutely disgusting. She asked you a question. Just say no and move on.
Your over reacting.
I have slept at boys houses and I have had boys sleep over.
The same rules I had for my kids now ages 24 23 16 almost 15 and 11
Often times if it isn’t the same gender our kids give up their bed and they sleep on the couch or with a sibling. Except my sons GF she always sleeps on the couch. She gets up early 6 am daily, so when she’s up she doesn’t feel like she wakes everyone. I love when she spends the night it’s a morning of just her and I and I believe this time has allowed us to bond and for us to really get to know each other. My sons working out of town this summer and she’s come over just to visit. We text.
It’s an opportunity for you to get to know the friends better and it’s also an opportunity to talk about things with you child.
Also side note you could have said no daughter I am not comfortable with that without making a dramatic situation and involving another family. And discussed the reason after!
My kids are all adults now but i use to allow the opposite sex stay . We had rules and they all followed them.
You’re being a bit dramatic. It’s not like she asked if she could have sec with him. A simple “you know I’m not going to allow that” would have worked. Now she isn’t gonna want to come to you for anything that she’s unsure of.
Why are you sexualizing 12yo children and thinking it’s unsafe.
Gross.
Kids ain’t how we were growing up…no boys staying the night period
Uh they’re 12?
Normalize letting boys and girls having sleepovers together? Jesus.
Talk to the boys mother too. Being on the same page with the parent and the kids helps… to ground her for INCLUDING A FRIEND? That’s not right.
Yikes, just yikes. Youre absolutely overreacting. Theyre kids. Maybe hes gay. Maybe they expect him to sleep in a seperate room. Please chill and offer your kid a safe space and not a tension filled battlezone.
Definitely a major over reaction. It’s ok to say no but the way you responded was just gross.
You could have just said no.
Your being unreasonable
Completely over reacting. You could easily separate them at night. 
have him sleep on the couch!
Yeah your definitely over reacting. I wouldn’t ground my daughter for asking for her friend that is a boy to stay the night also. I would discuss it with his parent’s first and then maybe just maybe he could sleep in the livingroom or in a spare bedroom. Otherwise no boys and the girl friend can stay the night. Gotta remember she is still a teenager. Not an adult.
You just grounded your kid for asking you a question she’s never going to ask you a question or trust you again because of this good parenting
You could be burning a bridge that will make her rather ask for forgiveness than asking for permission
Super dramatic considering girls can do stuff too. Lol also have them separated at night.
There’s a boy in my daughters friends group that I’m 100 percent comfortable with him staying when a few of them stay .
Have you met him or his parents ?
I don’t see the problem in a boy staying over their 12 ! Way over the top from you if you didn’t want him to sleep a simple no I don’t want him too would have been better instead you’ve kicked off and grounded her for asking a question carry on and she’ll feel she can’t come to you over simple stuff as she’s going to think your going to be over the top with everything else
All she did was ask. A simple “no” would have sufficed.
Yeah you’re overreacting for sure.
You could have just one said no and went about your day.
Or two let the boy sleep over and tell them door stays open and when it’s time for bed he sleeps on the couch.
You freaked out over something really small.
Bad reaction. Shaming her. Just say no. No boys allowed in the home that arent siblings…Maybe dont shame next time she asks a question or she will stop asking and just do. That way she doesnt have to feel like hiding things.
She may not really see him as a “boy”. Did she ask specifically for him to sleep in her room? I don’t believe her asking for him to sleep over is a ground-able offense.
We are not out children’s friends. She does need to know that it is not right for a boy to spend the night with her. And I feel like you may have punished her more for attitude when you said no. After the things I have instilled in my children, I would be disappointed if they suggested that also. I promise if she is mad and won’t talk to you, SHE WILL GET OVER IT!
Instead of a simple no and a teachable moment you guilted and grounded her over a question… Wow
I absolutely wouldn’t be ok with that either, but punishing her for asking and not just telling her no and the reason why is an extreme overreaction.
I realize you want her to be safe
But you doing that will only make her not want to come to you about things and you’ll only put distance between the two of you
I honestly think you’re over reacting. However we all parent differently. I also probably feel this way because I have a daughter and son who are 14 months apart so they often have friends stay over and the girls sleep in one room and the Boys sleep in a different room. At 12 they’re still young and innocent and I’m sure she honestly didn’t even realize there would be any issue as she sees both of them as her friends. End of the day letting the boy stay over or not is your call as momma but I do think you over reacted when it came down to now not letting her girl friend stay over and grounding her. I’m sure her asking was super innocent and excitement.
Massive overreaction she’s only 12 and they are just friends, she asked a simple question and you flipped out ? It was fine for her to go out with him all day though ?
Time to normalize opposite sex friendships and sleepovers. Your daughter could be a lesbian, does that mean you’ll not allow any girls to stay the night? You’re dramatic asf.
I would have said no way not a good idea if they get mad so what they can get glad in the same pants they got mad in
You could have just said no and went about the day instead you completely broke your daughter’s Trust on ever asking you things again or even talking to you about things. You sound super dramatic! I feel terrible for your daughter that now is being punished for asking a simple question.
Horrible reaction. Keep reacting this way and she will stop asking you about anything. You could have just said no and sat down and explained why, but instead you way overreacted and punished her for no reason. She’s a child still, still learning, and now she is going to think that all boys are bad. My mom was this way and it screwed me up. #parentbetter
Yeah overreacting, she shouldn’t be grounded for asking, you made an assumption of the worst, they’re 12. PERIOD. You’re sexualizing them and for anyone that may argue that some kids are sexually active at that age I can assure you 100 percent they wouldn’t need a slumber party to make it happen . Unground your kid and be reasonable
She just learned to never ask you for or even talk about the bigger stuff. You lost your sh*t bc you assumed. A simple “no” would of worked. You need to apologize before it’s too late.
Unreasonable. He could’ve slept on the couch or in a different room if you had.
No reason for her friend to still not be able to stay and she didn’t do anything wrong for asking. Huge overreaction on your part. It’s a yes or a no. If it’s a yes then monitor the situation and make sure he sleeps separately.
Definitely over reacting. There is only a problem if created. You could have left it as a no and talked about it face to face but punishing your child for asking a question good luck and I mean that because that is EXACTLY how my mother would react and guess what I was very rebellious! I snuck out and went behind her back and actually ended up a teen mom. Because of the way my mother would react there was no communication and I was terrified of her so I just snuck around
I have all boys so it’s girls sleeping over at my house… they are aloud but they are to be on the couch when I go to bed!! When they are in the bdrm the door stays open