(Long Post Alert) Please tell me I’m not overreacting. I just recently (2/3 weeks ago) found out that my son (15) has a girlfriend he has been with for months. I am 100% not prepared but I didn’t want to be “that mom”. So I embraced him having a girlfriend.He is a straight A student, captain of the varsity football & wrestling teams so when he ask to hang out (movies, mall, Dave & busters, ice skating) with her I have always said yes. I always drop him off & pick him up.Yesterday he asked if he could go to her house. I was hesitant at first but ended up allowing him to go after speaking and meeting her mother & they are still on winter break from school. They live 20 minutes away. I cannot see at night & they live in an rural so there are no streetlights & very narrow roads. We arranged for me to drop him off & her to bring him home. Me and the mother had a face to face conversation that my son needed to be home at 10pm. The mother text me at 9:37 (I did not see the text so I did not respond) stating they were “eating quickly then would be on the way”.I received a text from my son around 10:40 asking if he could sleep over. Apparently the mother told him he could. I ended up having to leave my house with my 2 small children at 11pm to get my son. We did not get home until almost 12am. My son is now angry & will not come out of his room because I told him he cannot go back over there. He just recently starting acting like this. Before this he NEVER gave me any problems.I feel like as a parent: 1. When she didn’t get a response to my text she should of brought him home. 2. Do not tell my 15 year old child he can stay at your house with your 14 year old daughter (says a lot about her parenting)3. It is extremely disrespectful because I told her he needed to be home at 10 because I have to be up early in the morning to bring my two little ones to daycare & I have to work. What are your thoughts?
Nope the other parent messed up. They disrespected your wishes for your child. I’d tell him straight up that the position the other parent put you guys in wasn’t cool. In fact id tell him I was sorry that his GF parent/s were unable to be trusted based on the Situation they caused and until that was repaired by them and trust regained that he could not go to her home. That they were welcome to still see each other as you know he cares for her. But boundaries and respect are something that everyone needs to learn. GL! Honestly do what you can to ride this out until it fizzles. Personally I’d do a reminder chat about safety.
No you are not wrong here. I’d tell him she can come to your house but there will be no more him going over there. Spending the night together is putting a child in an adult position expecting them to make adult decisions. That won’t have a good outcome. Kudos to you mom for not allowing that. I’d also tell him that he hasn’t given you any issues this far and if it continues to keep happening now he won’t have that girlfriend anymore. you’re the adult he’s the child and there are rules. Keep on keeping on.
My son would never be going back over there, however girl friend would be welcome at my home anytime. The other mother has proven to me her judgement is off, I wouldn’t put my child in the position of having to deal with an adult whose judgement I don’t trust.
Your son is acting completely appropriately of his age🤷♀️ Now that mother should have known better! I can see why you’d say you don’t want him there anymore but with his age, that’s a tricky situation. I would try to encourage them to spend time together at your place or in public but let’s be honest, they like it there bc the rules are loose. But if you just “put your foot down” he’s going to learn to lie, sneak and cheat. They’re kids, try to let it run its course naturally. I would 100% be sitting my son down to talk about the important things though! Bc you cannot know what that household does and doesn’t teach to their daughter, so make educating your son an immediate priority! Provide condoms as well. You’re not saying you support anything by teaching them to be safe and what the dangers are and the only way to protect yourself is to use protection 100% of the time
I personally think your over reacting, maybe sit down and talk with him about the rules you have for the relationship (I.e no sleeping over). If you completely shut him out from seeing her or going over there, he will start to resent you (given it’s his first real relationship and see you as ruining it) as well as him becoming more sneaky. Most kids, when they’re told no about something they truly like or love they will find other ways of making it happen, I know I did. And also, have a conversation with the mother about your rules and guidelines as well. If I were to let my daughters boyfriend sleep over, he would have to be in the living room and my daughter in her room with the door shut, but then again we have cameras in the main rooms of the house. Granted the mother did message you to keep you updated, with no response she should of called you, but at the same time, you could of called her too.
Keep in mind, that everyone’s parenting style is different. I’m in no way bashing you for how you handled it. I’m a mother of two boys and two girls, so I tried to look at it from both perspectives. If you feel you handled it appropriately, then by all means stick to it. I’m just sharing my opinion on it. Hope all ends up okay for you momma.
If something happens to her daughter, she will blame your son! Protect him! You decide
You’re not in the wrong, but this could easily push him further in this direction.
I agree with some other comments, allow him to go but make it clear no sleepovers.
Also, maybe tell him you’ll pick him up at 8. I know it’s inconvenient, but it’ll show everyone how serious you are about him coming home.
14/15 and sleepovers? No way.
If the other mom can’t respect your wishes, I’m pretty sure she’s also the type to let them close the door.
You are 1,000% right on this
You would be setting them up for failure, by allowing sleepovers at this age. Trust is one thing, hormones are another. That being said, if you try to make him responsible and punish him for what transpired, you are being unfair. Trying to drive a wedge between them, out of frustration and anger, will most certainly backfire. As someone else said, it was an inconvenience. Your son needs to know that if he finds himself in a bad situation, such as consuming alcohol or his ride has, that he can call you anytime of day or night. That you are available and he is not an inconvenience.
If I want to always have control of a situation, I never split the responsibility. I would be irritated but anger isn’t going to change the situation. It was an inconvenience but not the end of the world. I would have been annoyed but that isn’t your sons fault or his girlfriends fault that her mother isn’t responsible. I never mess around with anyone’s kids, and don’t like being jerked around about mine either. But take a deep breath cause you’re going to damage your bond with your son over an inconvenience to you that he didn’t cause.
I would not let my 15 year old have sleep overs with their significant other. No matter the gender. And the fact that they knew the eye situation? Aw heck naw.
He can be mad, we’ll have a discussion, and there will be a chat with the other parent.
Don’t punish your son for the gf mom’s mistake. Allow him to go over but no late nights or sleepovers if you are not comfortable with it.
Absolutely he shouldn’t be sleeping over. And that needs to be made clear to him and her mother. But I’d give them another chance.
No, your not wrong but remember your child has to depend on her to bring him home, so it’s the others mothers fault for not respecting your rules & having him home at the time you wanted him there. Explain to him that they qll have to follow your rules, including the other mom. I’m sure she would feel rhe same way if it was her daughter being done that way.
I’m on your side. F her parenting…… that shit is leading to a teen pregnancy !!! Children having babies!!
Stick to your boundaries, I would have picked mine up too. It was completely disrespectful on the parent. That mom planted the seed of letting him spend the night. Communicate with your son, let him know you understand why he’s upset. Teen years can be rough, you did good mama. This won’t be the first time this kind of thing happens and it won’t be the last, and he needs to also learn how to think for himself too. I would also have a talk with the mom. Keeping him from her house will probably create more issues. So I would say something like “until I talk to her mom, we are taking a pause of you going over there”.
I allowed my daughters boyfriend to sleep over (in a separate room) often when they were younger. He lived 30 minutes away and it was just more practical. It didn’t harm their relationship, it didn’t lead to early sex between them, they had a healthy relationship for 5 years. It said nothing about my parenting other than I didn’t want anyone driving late at night. The other parent should have communicated better but assuming she’s a poor parent for her decision is not cool. As for son, if you try to keep them Apart you will only drive them together.
I would be mad too. If she couldn’t bring him home on time she should have called ahead of time and late dinner isn’t a good enough excuse. Plus that is a big no on telling him he could stay the night. Not at that age and not without talking to you before offering to him.
I’d react the same way and think you’re doing a great job. My children are not at that age yet but I believe in letting them make mistakes in a controlled environment and it sounds to me that there isn’t any control there and the mother doesn’t care about your boundaries and why they are set. When all is said and done, your son will thank you for having his best interest at heart and enforcing the rules, even if he doesn’t appreciate it now. Let his girlfriend come over to your house. It might mean more effort of your behalf to allow them to see each other but at least you have control over your environment. It’ll show you son that you care about this big part of his life. Include her in family time and allow them to have their own space too. It’ll probably be good for the girl to have a stable adult in her life too.
I wouldn’t stop him from going over but no sleep overs.
You are absolutely correct! I have a 15 yr old son with a girl friend too. He gets good grades and plays Varsity football. He has asked about her spending the night w us. HECK NO!!! Never going to happen!
I think this is the other parents fault and not your child’s.
You should have an adult conversation with him. Tell him why you’re upset. Tell him why the rules will be changing.
Talk to him about safe sex as well because at that age he needs to know things. We never want to see our babies like that but. Here we are.
You need to offer him enough guidance without suffocating him.
I’ll speak from experience if you try to keep them apart they will always find a way. Always.
That mom messed up! My 15 year old son is not staying over his girlfriend’s house! She should have done what she said and brought him home. Idk if not allowing him over there is the best course of action, but you’re his mom and it’s your prerogative.
You are NOT the bad one here you set limits and they broke them plain and simple. They need to understand there are choices and consequences, chose to break the rules consequence is no more going over there. Done nothing more needs to be said.
My mom and step dad let my boyfriend sleep over I was in my room my boyfriend was on the couch and my step dad on the chair next to him watching. Lol. But yes the mom was wrong. Ur son might feel embarrassed and doesn’t understand but you did was right. I know my son isn’t sleeping at females house til he 18
for this to happen on the very first visit? The other momma should have made sure he kept his curfew. To build TRUST between all. I’d say the other momma won’t be paying much attention to what the teens will be doing. kids will press the limits, they are young and full of raging hormones. 10 mintues (or less) is all it takes to change the course of thier lives. Yes I speak of past experince, I thought I was being a watchful mom too.
Just remember teens are crafty and just because you said he can’t go there, doesn’t mean he won’t find a different way and lie about it. Better for him to be able to tell you the truth. So it would be he can go there and you will pick him up by 8pm. She can come to your house and her mom can pick her up by whatever time you choose. He is acting like a normal teen, and normal teens tend to gravitate towards what their parents try to be strict with or take them away from. While I wouldn’t be cool with a sleepover if it was my daughter, if her boyfriend had to, he would be on the couch and far away from her bedroom.
I agree with you. My son would not be returning either. (Your son is also acting his age lol - he’s going to be mad. That’s ok!)
I think at the end of the day you just set a big hard boundary in navigating these waters. It’s what feels right to you as a parent and that’s exactly what you should be doing. Hopefully you, your son, his girlfriend and her family now know where you stand.
Welcome to parenthood! He’s a teenaged boy - He’s going to test you. But, yes – the other parent should have CALLED not text, if they were going to be late. However, just bc the other parent offered for him to spend the night doesn’t mean she isn’t a good parent.
I don’t think it says anything about her parenting unless she’s letting them sleep in the same room together. I think saying never again is a bit much, but I would at least offer to let her come there. And at the end of the day, kids are going to have sex when they’re going to have sex. With or without your permission and no matter how strict you think you’re being. Have a talk with him about being safe.
When my son’s gf was over, I told them a time that we needed to leave by to get her home on time. Plus a little extra for me to get ready to take her. They are old enough to make sure they get home by a certain time. But if the gf mom said he could spend the night, that’s completely wrong
But it’s not his fault. You need to tell him she can come to our house. I can see why he’s mad but sorry Charlie mom you rule the roost. I didn’t come out of my room one time and my dad took my door down. Depends on the attitude he gives
When you said no to your son sleeping over, why did the gf’s mother not bring him home as agreed?? Like the last you heard from her she was going to be on her way shortly. She should have checked with you if you were ok with your son staying.
Having said that, I wouldn’t go as far as to say he’s not allowed to go back over there again. Teenage hormones are fierce, they’ll just go behind your back.
Talk to him about it not being age appropriate to stay over yet, and they haven’t been together long enough, you haven’t had further discussions with him re: protection; etc. It’s not a no, it’s a bit yet and prove to me you’re mature enough
Did you have the conversation with the mom about your son not being ￼ allowed in her room or basements any room alone ? ￼this is the first thing i do with my daughters boyfriends parents.sound like that mom is￼ very open and does not care about raising grand children
He’ll find a way to sneak around …and he’ll resent you if you keep them apart…maybe have her come over for a few visits…then when you can see that he’s being more respectful…let him visit her…but explain in advance …no sleepovers at his age and what could happen…he might not appear to listen…but he’ll think about the consequences of having sex…if they haven’t already…sometimes we think we know…it’s not worth damaging your relationship with him to keep them apart for good…
The other mother was completely out of line. She should have respected you and brought him home by 10pm.
I agree with you 100%. Unfortunately, a teenage boy will not understand. Even if he does actually see your reasoning he doesn’t want to agree because he wanted to do the opposite of what you allowed. He may be a bit embarrassed but clearly this family has different standards than you. As a grown man he will look back and get it especially if he has children of his own one day. You’re not wrong at all but it will still be tough dealing with him. Try to speak to him respectfully and be understanding and transparent.
Even if you didn’t text back, she knew he had to be home, so she should have taken him home anyway, regardless if she heard from you or not.
Some families have different rules and that’s okay. Its up to the parents to abide by those rules. I understand things happening and causing dinner to be late; but at 10:40 your son should not have been calling to ask to spend the night, but letting you know that dinner ran a little bit late and he was either on his way home or would be home shortly. I don’t know if I’d go so far as to banning him from ever going there again; but just change the rules; he can only go over there until a time that you are able to pick him up. I wouldn’t rely on her parents to uphold their end of the bargain, since we already know they aren’t respecting your boundaries. Just be sure and have a little sit down conversation with your son and remind him that you know is girlfriend is important to him, but at the same time he is important to you and it’s up to the two of you to make sure that you have a strong communication foundation so that you can avoid little problems like this in the future. It’s not the end of the world that this happened. Be sure to explain the complications of him being there, your concerns and the problems that could arise from putting himself in what seems as a harmless situation, but could ultimately be life changing. All it takes anymore is a single accusation for his entire life to be ruined. You got this mama.
You are in the right. 10000%
I don’t know about saying he could never go over again, but there would definitely be stricter rules and it would have to be around your schedule since you are driving. ￼
Does she want to be a grandma!? Yikes. I’d feel the same as you. Y’all had an arrangement and she should have stuck to it.
Your feelings are valid however I would like to point out me and my friends (boy male and female) were asshole kids and we had sleepovers at 15 we even all slept in the same bed. Have the appropriate conversation with your kid and they will do what they are gonna do whether you want them to or not .
Personally I’d make sure my kid was safe and knew how to be safe etc and if I met the parents and were okay with them I’d let them sleep over, but that’s just me
That’s a big no and this is coming from a girl who eventually earned her right and was trusted to sleep over at my boyfriends. But that was at 17. 14 and 15 we were not allowed to be alone especially at night. Public dates or day time visits
When you talked to the mother did you ask abt birth control? I would want to know what stage of the birth control plan is at in thier home . Make sure you have talked to your son and have provided access to protection. I would only allow visits at him home for now and I would talk with the mother abt how to proceed and your concerns.
Nope …as a girl that got married at 15. Just say nope …u will always have an angry kid about something but at least u will not be contributing to having grandbabies and marriage before he’s 20
i think you have every right to be angry but to say he can never go over there again? seems a bit much to me. i would just restrict the timing. now he has to be picked up before dark
You’re 100% right! Your son will be mad for a while but will eventually get over it
Did you call & talk to the other mom & say you needed her to drive him home instead of spending the night? Or did you just decide she wasn’t going to do it?
You are absolutely not overreacting!!! No way would I allow that to happen !!! Unbelievable
Your mom what you say goes…
Ur his mom not his friend.Do what u feel is right
Most def not over reacting.
I think your in the right and sounds like the girl and her family are a bad influence on your son. You should have a face to face conversation with the mother about how you feel about the situation and how they’ve changed your son.
The other mum is a ploblem on this, am sorry to say it.
I wldnt gaf about him being mad and he’d be too fn scared to try and act mad at me tf. These kids getting outa hand. A kid can’t get outa line with me under any circumstance you better act happy. How tf he mad and you had to get outa bed. He’d never go anywhere else until he’s an adult and can take himself
You ain’t wrong momma! My child wouldn’t be going back over there either… he can pout in his room until he’s over it
This is how babies are made lol
You did the right thing as a parent.
I wouldn’t let my son go over there again, but she could come to my house. But I’d have rules too. My son might get mad at me, but if he wants to see his gf then he best listen to what I’m saying
You’re absolutely not in the wrong at all!
So you’re punishing your son because you had to pick him up? That doesn’t seem fair…. Just make sure you pick up and drop off it sucks but that’s your son.
Stick to your guns. It’s not ok that she decided to go completely off the plan you agreed to and 40 minutes after he was supposed to be home is NOT ok.
I agree with you. At the age those two are, sleeping over would be irresponsible.
You are in the right. He disrespected you and ignored your rules. He doesn’t get to go back home before dark for your safety.
Im.there with you. You and the other mother had a conversation and she seemed to be on the same page. The ended up not being and I would be right there with you. I do not like driving at night. Your son will come to understand. And it’s not like he can’t see her. Just not at her house if her mother won’t be respectful, responsible and understanding.
I was 14 & my husband was 15 when we had sex for the 1st time. I got pregnant at 15, had her a month after turning 16. (My parents had rules & we still managed to bw sneaky) You’re definitely not wrong for feeling how you do. As a mom of 4 girls, I am so shocked she’d allow her daughter to have her boyfriend sleep over that young. That’s insane. & to tell your son he can is even more insane. Let your son be mad, you’re doing the right thing.
The problem is her parents…
You cannot treat a 15 year old like you do your toddlers. He’s 3 years away from being an adult. If he’s that good of a kid… 40 minutes to an hr is not a big deal imo. That other mama was way off base… but if you alienate his first gf… tread careful
NTA. You were clear about 10pm. You didn’t respond so she should have taken that as a no. It wasn’t up to her to change an agreement without your actual agreement to the change.
I wouldn’t necessarily say he couldn’t go over there ever, but I would treat it like they’re unsupervised, however your rules for that are, and not trust the mother to bring him home or anything. I would also take the opportunity if you haven’t already to give him condoms and talk to him about safe sex and the potential consequences of any actions.
Awww hellll no. You’re in the right. Our kids don’t have to like our decisions. But that’s why WE are the ones making them, and not them. Tell him his attitude better change and quick otherwise he will lose more privileges.
Your child, your rules and you made the requirements VERY CLEAR. As a mother she should know that not following your clear rules is a violation of trust.
I love most of these comments. Especially since I have boys and have went thru all this. In my experience, these girls would just come over all hours of the night or it’s the moms never looked for them. I’d be upset that they were 15,16 and just happened to fall asleep,etc. I would get after my boys and they always thought I was the boring,strict,rules,old days,old fashioned parent. I fought my boys alot on this.
I think you are definitely not overreacting. Idk why these kids feel like entitled adults at 14,15,16. To be honest yes he will be mad but he will get over it. Stand firm. I promise he will have another girlfriend soon and this will blow over. At that age,they will go thru many girlfriends by the time they turn 18.
My boys made it to 19,22,23 and no kids as of yet❤️,hang in there
You aren’t out of line at all.
I wouldn’t let my kid go over there again either.
Let him stay in his room forever…atleast you won’t be a grandmother any time soon!