My ex-husband & I have 2 boys together - ages 6 & 8. We have a week on/off schedule for the last 2 years.
The issue is: he calls to talk to the boys EVERY SINGLE NIGHT on my weeks. On his weeks, I call 2x total so they can enjoy time with their dad. I’ve told him that every day is excessive & interferes with my parenting time, as he typically calls during dinner or family time then gets upset when I say we are busy. And when they do talk, they usually have nothing to say and the convo lasts 10m+.
How often do you call your kids on dad’s time? What do you think is a reasonable call schedule?
Maybe I’m just overreact but honestly, I’m over it.
I agree with most but not all, maybe set a boundary with him that calls should only be before bedtime so he can ask how their day was and say goodnight ect. And you be allowed to do the same, this way it doesn’t disrupt parenting, communication with both parents can be there as far as if any behaviors happened and both parents can be a part of talking to the child about it, but have a designated time to do so, and that way your kids can have memories of our parents loved us so much they made time to call and spend time with us.
We each call our daughter nightly at bedtime to see how her day was. Doesn’t need to be long, just to make sure she’s good and tell her we love her and goodnight. Other nights she’ll talk for 20 minutes. Don’t limit contact for children with another parent that’s trying to be involved. That’s doing a disservice to your kids.
You’re not serious, right?
I understand the inconvenience but those kids will remember that he called them every day when they need something. They’ll remember if you don’t let them talk to their dad.
This sounds like it’s coming from an emotional place for what you need. You can explain to the dad if we’re eating dinner I’m not going to answer but the second that those plates go in the sink, they’ll call you back. I don’t know if you’re one of those households that occasionally doesn’t eat dinner on the dot at the exact same time every night but realistically, setting a time frame for Dad to call can be tricky. Let him know your typical routine with them. Mom-bounding time is important but be sure to not exclude dad from everyday life.
Ultimately, Think about who’s being punished if you don’t let your kids talk to their dad.
Simply put? Yes. You are. This isn’t about you. This isn’t about him. This is about your children. That is their dad above him being your ex. They deserve to talk to him…and you…whenever and wherever.
I’m sorry people are coming down on you. I think they are missing the point that he is calling when you are trying to have time with your kids.
Assuming he knows your schedule, it sounds like he’s baiting you. You could try just letting him talk to them whenever he calls and show him zero emotion. It’s possible if you don’t get frustrated, he may get bored and stop.
The other option is to ignore the call and have the kids call back when you are done with your dinner and family time.
2-3 times a week is sufficient when mine is gone 6-8 weeks straight. If he demands daily I would do 2 regular the rest at bed to say goodnight for no more than a couple min.
It was in the custody papers that the child be available every night to both parents for phone calls. And there schedule was MON, WED, EOEW & TUES, THURS, EOWE. So basically every other night there were with other parent.
Hi!
I am an aunt to 3 children and my sister went through the SAME exact thing and yes, it is greattttt that he wants to talk BUT I completely agree with you a 100 percent and you are NOT being bitch. The dad would call, ask inappropriate questions to keep the children on the phone on VIDEO chat and would call 100 times (seemed like it) if he was told the kids are busy. He would not respect the boundaries set and it even went as far as late night phone calls on school nights! The children were not able to participate in anything because they had to talk to their dad. They are the same age range. Honestly, after a few moments there was nothing to talk about. You are doing a good job momma! Keep it up and keep your head up, too! My sister was always made to be the bad person, but after she was done with work she had maybe an hour with them and he took the rest on the phone. Children should not be made to sit on the phone and talk about nothing! Separatation is always difficult, but we always felt that this kept the children in the middle and that is not fair. Lastly, we try to limit screen time and this did not help!!! Again, you’re doing great!!!
I’m sorry but yes I do believe you are overreacting a little.
I share custody with my ex partner of our 6 yr old boy. He can call whenever he wants, he can visit whenever he wants and vice versa.
If we are busy then the moment we aren’t he calls back.
Maybe let the father know you will call him back once they aren’t eating or you’ve had a couple hours of family time.
Kids like talking to both parents when they aren’t together
Most parents want to talk to their children daily. It is beneficial for children to talk to their parents every day.Time to get priorities in order. Your children deserve that and should have that in their life, and it is about them, not whether you find it inconvenient because your romantic relationship didn’t work. As a responsible, loving parent you should be happy they have a dad who makes them a priority every day and touches base with them daily.
My parents were divorced when I was 4 and my dad had me almost every weekend but he called me every night just to say our nighty night saying maybe you should try to talk about you both doing that at bedtime. It personally helped me a lot going and staying asleep.
I’m sorry but I think this is wonderful the dad wants to talk to them everyday
You should appreciate that they would miss him
They will always remember the effort he makes
My older daughters biological father has nothing to do with her .
I would be happy for the other parent to call every day, perhaps look at it from your children’s perspective, they get to hear from each parent daily. Perhaps you can call them each night when they are at their Dads too? To say goodnight and you love them? If me and my children’s Dad ever broke up, I would ask to call every day they are away from me, because I dont let a single day go by where I dont tell my kids that I love them.
I think there’s far too many parent’s ruling how and when their kids dad’s can talk or see them. You had them together as a joint responsibility and this should continue for the best of the children, whatever new lives you.live now. Your children having a relationship with their dad is no inconvenience it should be a priority. Plenty of dad’s that walk away. Give the guy a break and arrange good times for contact and phone calls. Its part of doing what’s best for your children!
I dont have a care in the world if my daughters dad calls her daily multiple times a day I even message him saying hey can you call her she has something exciting you might wanna hear
And he calls her.
When it is his fortnightly weekend with her I call her maybe once and she will call me I try not to call as he only sees her for a day and night once a fortnight
But its what you do to encourage a healthy relationship.
What? So what you are saying is you have an ex husband who loves his kids so much he’d like to speak to them every day and that’s a problem. It’s 10 mins. Those kids are so lucky to have so much love and a close bond with both parents. Great parenting Dad.
I think that is really sweet that he calls them so often. Even if they have nothing to say, they will appreciate the gesture of him calling regularly when they are older. Take it from someone whose dad walked out one day and never bothered to call again!
Why and how does it bother you that he wants to be a part of his children’s lives?? Many people would love for their children’s father to be an active parent. Each to their own but id say your kids love hearing from him.
from somebody who has a child who’s dad never bothers to call or ask about anything including things like first days of school and important things like that i think its lovely he actually makes the effort and wants to speak to them, if its the time that hes calling that is an issue maybe discus this with him and say you understand he misses the children and wants to speak to them but its interfering with your meals or family time and arrange a time that would be good for him to call or ask him to not call in a set time frame. be glad he cares so much about his children and wants to be an active part in their life even when he cant see them
Your lucky he calls your sons my 5 yr old son is still waiting for his phone call from his dad and it’s been like a year the last time my son saw his dad was last year on one day the time before that was 2019 Xmas. His dad apparently is too busy to see him. I get asked questions from my sons day are friends asking me is his dad dead. The only male role model my son has is my partner and my dad. My sons dad never wanted my son even when I was pregnant he spends more time with his daughter from another woman.
My dad used to ring us every night when my parents split up (and vice versa when we were with my dad).
I think it’s the key to a healthy relationship with your parents as a child…
I don’t think it’s unreasonable to suggest a certain time so it’s not in the middle of dinner. I do think it’s unreasonable to say he can’t speak to his children every night.
Just because you two have stopped loving each other doesn’t mean he has stopped loving his kids , same as you love them…
Are you for real? The easy solution here is to have a chat to him about when is a better less disruptive time for him to call. He can and should be able to call them as often as he wants to and you should be encouraging that contact as much as possible, not being petty and vindictive.
It doesn’t matter how much they have to say to each other, he’s calling everyday so that they know he’s thinking about them and invested in them even when they aren’t there. If you hadn’t separated he would see them every single day, so no, it’s not weird or wrong that he wants to talk to them every single day.
What a great dad keeping in touch with them and asking about their day! It’s so lovely that he always has them on his mind and makes time for them every single day even though he’s ‘child free’. If it was you, wouldn’t you want you dad to remember you on his ‘off week’?
Okay I’m gonna go against everyone and say, I think that’s too over the top. If you aren’t doing it when he’s with them, then he doesn’t need to do it. My kids see their dad every second weekend and I don’t call. The whole time they are with me, he won’t call unless he needs to chat to me, or if he chats to the kids through their games and he needs to let me know something…
Be grateful he cares enough about his children to call and check in daily, I’d have loved this! it’s not your week to be a parent, you are both their parents all of the time and he has every right to be able to contact his children whenever he likes as do you when they are with him.
It’s reasonable to say please call at a particular time but otherwise count your blessings he’s so consistent and keen. Unless your 100% the kids are bothered by it not you then support it
110% over reacting. Because a relationship between you 2 adults doesn’t mean that the relationship needs to bend between parent and child.
Already said that calls ONLY last 10 minutes, just 10 minutes so it won’t massively upset your routine and it lets your children know that even though that parent doesn’t see them daily, they are loved and thought about daily.
I see absolutely no issue at all.
oh my… I think you’re absolutely lucky that your ex husband is ringing to talk to his children every night. I would get worried if the ringing started to stop I wouldn’t let this bother you at all. the children have a right to speak to either side at any time. at the end of the day you both are the parents. how would you feel if this was the other way round
Honestly I think you should appreciate and be grateful about the fact that your children’s dad loves them and is committed to them. A 15 min phone call isn’t going to affect your routine, make a set time for it perhaps before their bedtime and just be happy that your children will grow up with a father who clearly loves them. If you put restrictions in place you will cause lasting emotional damage to your children in the long run. Give him a break and maybe acknowledge what a great father he is.
It wouldn’t bother me if you have set meal times explain it’s not good to call at those times. I think it’s a good thing really as it shows he cares and is interested in his kids and how they are. I wish my children’s dad would ring more often to speak to our son tbh instead of just seeing him once a week. If they only talk for ten mins max anyway I don’t see the problem with a short phone call. Xx
Are you actually joking?? It’s amazing that he rings every night and you should be very happy that they have that instead of moaning. Interferes with family time? It’s 10/20 mins a day come on its hardly interfering is it
Be greatful he wants to talk to his kids. B a diffrent story if he didn’t bother. How would u feel if the kids lived with him and u couldn’t talk to them every day
It’s hard because I know people who think it’s ok, and some who don’t.
I think its very much about the kids if the kids want to talk to him why wouldn’t you encourage that? What if the rolls were reversed? What if you wanted to speak to them every day and he said no?
If the kids have a hard time afterward, maybe but other than that I’m all for it and the answer in short would be yes it’s unreasonable of you
I’d let my kids dad call any time he wanted. At least he wants to speak to his kids he obviously misses his kids, I’d be gutted to go a week without seeing my kids, especially if my ex was unreasonable about me speaking to them.
Don’t really see how a 10 minute phone call cuts into your parenting time. It seems a little childish to me
Buy the children a separate phone so he can talk, I mean if he is a good dad to them then why shouldn’t he be able to make contact with on his off week. I understand it interferes with your day/evening but if I was in your shoes I’d want my children’s dad to call them just as long as he is a good dad and not just doing it from spite
I actually don’t think your over reacting at all. You have agreed to see your children only 50% of the time, Which is a very very hard thing to do as a parent whether you are the mother or the father. So when you have your children in your time, I understand you want to make the most of it and spend as much quality time as possible with them. Sitting together as a family and having dinner shouldn’t be interrupted by phone calls full stop. I would just say to call at a more convenient time to suit you. Maybe ask him to call when they’re all ready for bed and winding down for the night?
That way they get to say their good nights and it’s not taking away from your one on one time with them x
I think I’d want to talk to my kids everyday if I were in that situation but I can also see how it would be annoying. I think you just have to put up with it and be grateful he takes such an interest
I think he should be able to talk to the kids as much as he wants to, he obviously misses them. Ask him to call at a certain time so it doesn’t interrupt your routine but yes I do think you’re over reacting.
I’d of given anything for my ex to have made as much effort with my little one!
Shouldn’t be an issue to be honest if he calls everyday, it show’s good parenting in my eyes personally. I mean if it was purely to ask them questions and check up on you then yes thats pretty inappropriate but if its to call his children there’s no issue.
If he calls during dinner then let him no to call back half an hour later its simple.
Maybe buy them a cheap phone he can call them on if its such a massive issue.
My husband works away and he calls our children every morning and every night to say goodnight. He’s usually only on the phone for 5 minutes because he’s busy but it makes my kids day
I’m not understanding the complaint. When you were together he saw them every day. Just let him know an appropriate time roughly to call, I’d rather a dad who cares about his kids every single day, then a parent that couldn’t care less
As a child from a separated family, I was 4 & I wish my dad called me. I went years without even seeing my dad (during that period, I think I spoke to him 3 times) he’d call on birthdays and make
Promises he NEVER kept. On the rare occasions I saw him, I spoke to my mum every day. At least to say goodnight.
This is positive for the kids & maybe you should make more of an effort to call when they’re away as I’m sure you miss them when they’re not there.
Perhaps you could arrange a specific time every day, which is outside meals and family time for him to call and talk to them.
The man sounds like a great parent, even if he was possibly a shitty partner. Let him actively be that or the kids are going to resent you later!
I speak to my son 2 or 3 times when he’s with his dad! He’s only gone 2 nights! He rings pretty much every night also when he’s with me! Don’t see the problem!
Definitely a big overreaction. Imagine complaining about a father that loves his kids enough to call them every day and have a good relationship with them. Some dads don’t even want a bar of their own kids and you want to sit here complaining about the opposite??? Jeez, just because you don’t want a relationship with him anymore, doesn’t mean his kids don’t. Put yourself in the kid’s shoes rather than feeding your own selfish needs.
My kids dad calls them every single day. I have not actually thought it about to be honest. Its always been “normal” it keeps them happy i don’t see an issue at all?
He can call the kids every night… that shows he cares and misses them… maybe just ask him to ring them a bit later, after dinner maybe… 10 minutes on the phone isn’t taking much from you… after the whole day together x
Once a week, I give my child free rain to contact their biological father but never wishes to, my child has been told they can’t contact me at all when they are with the father which is rubbish
Mayb ask for him to call at a time that suits you both instead of during dinner? He obviously misses them when they’re not there and doesn’t want them to feel like he’s gone from their everyday life. Xx
Why don’t you and your ex arrange an appropriate time like after dinner or something for the calls? Your lucky you have someone who wants to be so involved and loves the kids as much as you x
Don’t answer the phone unless on the specific day and time that works for you, however if the kids enjoy it then let it happen. It’s great for them but maybe not during dinner or time your catching up with them for the day. If he is doing it to be vindictive then set boundaries and stick to them.
It’s called he’s showing he doesn’t care what the mother wants and only cares about himself. My ex does the exact same thing. Thinks he can call and speak to the kid’s every night when our relationship ended on horrible terms due to domestic violence, and sorry but that’s not happening. The father should respect the mothers wishes. If they spend a week with the father he doesn’t need to talk to them everyday. If he wanted to be in their life every day he might have made things work with their mother. But he didn’t. So he should respect what the mother wants.
If me and my Mrs split up I couldn’t even imagine going a week without seeing my kids, never mind not even talking to them. I’d be at least calling to speak to them every night, if not video calling. If it’s a 10 or 20 minute conversation then I don’t really see the issue tbh, providing he wouldn’t moan if you did the same when he had the kids.
If he’s a good dad (which I’m guessing he is if he splits the parenting responsibility and still wants to talk to them every day even when it’s not his turn to have them) then trust me your kids won’t want to go a week without seeing or speaking to their dad either.
I think it’s wonderful he calls every night, you’re lucky to have such a caring father for your children, so many don’t have that. Example; Just set a time, if dinner is at 6 have him call at 6:45 then you know between 6:45 and 7pm the kids will be on the phone, do the same on your end while they’re with dad and make it routine. They’ll feel extra loved and looked after by both parties their entire childhood. It’s perfect
Try not to justify it by the fact you call 2 times a week so there for its bad that he calls every night .
He loves his kids and is obviously a food father.
I bet if you called every night he would have no hesitation.
If you love your kids what’s the problem .
You would only moan if he didn’t interact with his kids. So sounds like he can’t win. I don’t see the problem in it at all. I think it’s great that he wants to talk to his kids. Just ask him if he can ring at a decent time and not tea time. If the kids only choose to talk for 10 mins then that’s their choice. It might be those 10mins that make their dads day. Ever thought that mabye he’s bored and lost with out his kids?
to be honest this is a 1st i usually read posts about no contact from parents your boys are very lucky their dad plays an active part in their lives and how would you explain to your boys you resent their dad calling them
When we started doing week on/week off, I downloaded kids messenger for my 8yo. It means when it’s my week, he can videocall his dad or his nan whenever he wants, and talk to them whenever he wants. When he’s at his dads I can still get in touch with him. I think its brilliant that he can talk to his dad more often.
If you have an issue with the time your ex is calling, why don’t you call him when everyone has settled down in the evenings? That way your routine isn’t being interrupted and your ex can still be involved with the kids on a daily basis
Soooooo, your Ex obviously cares and misses his kids. Wants to have a quick 10 min call about their day/say goodnight and your dirty about it?
What a terrible person he must be
Come on, you are 100% over reacting. Stop thinking of it as ‘YOUR’ and ‘DADS’ time. It’s your kids time, do what makes them happy. Do they not like dad calling? I highly doubt it
Have a ex who don’t bother with there kids then complain this is utter bull like one min women/men be moaning there not involved now got people moaning there to much involved in the kids life i give up new perants have no hope
You’d have plenty to say if dad was a deadbeat, he wants to know how his boys days have gone…very sweet and he has literally every right it benefits the kids so just let it be tit for tat is playground behaviour just because you don’t want to ring every night they’re with him doesn’t mean he isn’t aloud. I’ll say this and take in every word GROW UP I BEG FOR YOUR KIDS SAKE.
Be happy you have a man who cares to call his kids I bet 100 more women on here will slag their ex for not calling there kids it’s kinda a lose lose for men on what they do
Your way overreacting. Him calling every night shows he cares. Let him talk to his kids. Why break that bond. Whether they talk on the phone or just listen to each other breathe. Least it shows something. My sons dad hasn’t tried seeing him or anything and he’s almost 6.
What changed. You and your ex lived together and saw the kids and spoke them everyday. And that wasn’t a problem but then minute you guys break up it’s on your terms. Hell no that’s not right or cool. Kids ARE NOT OBJECTS
Could you tell him you the boys can call him after all the choas dinner, bath, ready for bed and they can have a chat together why you can get some down time and then they can get some down time talking and then you can put them to bed after?
My ex calls the children on a Monday and Wednesday as per court order as every night was indeed excessive and when they go there for a week in the holiday periods I call every Wednesday
You are over reacting! My 5 year old would love if her father called her…but she never gets a call or a visit with him! Be happy your kids have a loving & caring dad that wants to talk & see them!
Be glad that he has the kids for a whole week and calls my daughters dad wont have her over night only calls at night to moan about how hes feeling and moan about what she is eating he will pick her up and have her for a couple of hours 1 day a week thats it.
In the long run, any resentment they have will be towards you, and it may not even seem like it at first. But then they grow up, and realize that dad didn’t call because mum was an asshole. Then you have to deal with pissed off teenagers who want to light your shit on fire for being a complete asshat about them talking to their dad.
Aw this is literally such a sad post. He clearly misses seeing and living with his children all the time. If I were their dad think I’d just buy them phones and by pass my whingey ex
Yes. You are being selfish. As an adult coming from a home with divorced parents, and having a dad who went from calling every day to every second day then to once a week, (all because my mother was just like you) fucking sucks. My relationship with my dad is tarnished because of these actions. How would you like it if the roles were reversed and he got shitty at you because you were calling your kids and checking in every day. At least he gives a shit. Consider yourself lucky for having an ex who wants to be a part of their kids lives. You self serving pretentious asshole. Think about your kids and how they feel ffs.
I will call my son whenever I feel like it when he has his week with his mother, hell ill even stop in to see him if im around at the time, she can do the same when I have him, but there is no rules on being a devoted parent, and there is no limitations on what I am allowed to do.
Do you know what forget that question as a father that has been on both sides of the fence .
And I’m a very proud father at that by the way…
No one but no one has the right to stop one parent or the other from talking to a child it’s not the child’s thought that you split ! But why is it it’s the child that suffers always .
You would think that as we the parents are ment to be grown ups but yet your actions clearly show that we can’t help to act like a spoilt brat that’s had there favourite toy taken from them .
Be grateful that the other parent is there and making these calls because in the near future you might just it when you least expect it.
Learn from your child and raise them the best way you can even though you are no longer with the child’s father .
The child has the right to have both in their lives not just one and a bit .
Your either committed or your not and not is no good for your child…
i would ask them how often they would like calls with him, they may want to keep it to everyday but they may not. and i believe it is the children who should be given the option and be heard
I wouldn’t let this bother you at all. the children have a right to speak to either side at any time. at the end of the day you both are the parents. how would you feel if this was the other way round 
he obviously misses his kids, I’d be gutted to go a week without seeing my kids, especially if my ex was unreasonable about me speaking to them.
tit for tat is playground behaviour just because you don’t want to ring every night they’re with him doesn’t mean he isn’t aloud. I’ll say this and take in every word GROW UP I BEG FOR YOUR KIDS SAKE.
grow up & appreciate your ex is a dedicated Dad!
