Am I overthinking?

Tell me if I’m overthinking. My bf of almost a year ( we were in a previous relationship that lasted five years about two years ago and we rekindled) we were in the kitchen talking, he was taking out food and I was talking to him and he was ignoring me, so I started to tickle be I just wanted some attention him he gently pushed away my hand my response was ‘ okay if you don’t want my attention I will just leave you’ ( meaning leave you alone as In I’ll ignore him and not give him any attention). His response was well you could leave inno, Get out leave. Leave tonight I’m serious! (Shouting). My response wasn’t talking about leaving you I meant leaving as in not giving you attention. He was like alright. I’m standing there stunned. Should I be concerned with this or am I overthinking? n addition to that I discovered that was in contact with his ex after I was at visiting him and she video called him after nine in the night and he told me she was just a friend calling to see how he’s going. After that incident I lost trust in him. I should I continue with this relationship? I’m so confused

124 Likes

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Am I overthinking?

Life’s too short. I would leave before getting too invested.

8 Likes

Sounds to me like the poster made the “I’ll leave you threat” and the BF called her bluff. Sounds like there’s probably more to the story. Either way, it sounds like both parities want out

19 Likes

U should so leave…early warning signs right there…x

1 Like

Leave he’s gonna keep cheating girl :pensive:

Get out of there. It is time to move on.

How old are both of y’all? This whole thing is just kinda :woozy_face: on both of y’all’s part.

9 Likes

Do what you think is best . Leave start over withsomeone else or stay here and possibly get hurt .

I Stay in my relationship for a few reasons I don’t want to be alone I don’t want to start over
I’ve known him far to long to never think of him again
And we’ll I do love him…sometimes lol

You both sound toxic. Just leave.

4 Likes

Sounds like a horrible misunderstanding. Like you will leave… my mind with my past would lead me to what your BF is saying.

You really need to talk to him

Honestly you could have said that differently “I’ll just leave” or “I’ll just leave you alone”. The words sounds like you were gonna leave him. When mu boyfriend says this I ask him if he needs help packing :woman_shrugging:. He shouldn’t be shouting though and not being honest about his ex calling is a red flag. Staying is all up to you. Sounds like you two should sit and tall about your relationships

3 Likes

Leave and don’t look back,you don’t need this man in your life

1 Like

As a woman just start looking for someone else…his wasting your time.

1 Like

His ex is calling for a reason. He told you to leave so he wouldn’t look like the bad guy. You already have your answer or you wouldn’t be asking here. Know your worth.

16 Likes

Dump his ass!!! The right one is the one who thinks you’re too good for him!

F him he doing u dirty

Once a narcissist always a narcissist. Sounds like one to me

6 Likes

Please stop looking for love in the recycle bin.

5 Likes

You said you’ve lost trust in him, so why arnt you leaving?
If there’s no trust, then there’s no relationship. And trust is very hard to get back.

4 Likes

If something feels off it probably is

2 Likes

Mamé pack your things and roll out… Not only has this man spoken to you about about his real feelings but so did the universe when he took it literally because he knew what you meant. All 100 percent of the situation. He was ignoring you, has had contact with an ex, lied about it on top of taking a “joking moment” to run with his bs to where he will lay blame at your feet. That should be enough in itself to answer your own questions Doll, good luck… Remember you can do bad all by yourself Sugar, you don’t need anyone next to you dragging you through it.

5 Likes

Sounds like he’s got his cake and eat it too. Yep I’d done be gone!!

1 Like

So much nope in this post.

Women, please love yourselves more!

We forget to love ourselves and put up with shit we shouldn’t have to. You shouldn’t have to feel confused. He’s a boyfriend? Toss him. You have no ties, bolt as fast as you can. No amount of loving him is going to change him. This is what you’re going to be dealing with if you stay. Felling confused, unloved, women calling/texting him at odd hours and telling you they friends. Your feeling are telling you, don’t ignore it.

Respect yourself. Please.

First of all you can’t go backwards to pick up someone who you obviously had a problem with the first time around. I speak this because I had to learn that the hard way. He would have seen smoke behind me I would have left so fast. So no get out now before you invest any more time in him. The trust is gone

2 Likes

Well he thought you meant actually leaving and he didn’t seem to care and told you to go so why stay with someone who doesn’t want you?

6 Likes

You already broke up before…

Ex is an ex for a reason

4 Likes

I cannot believe how so many people are telling you to leave nobody tells you to try to make it work maybe he’s a good guy going through something in his life that he doesn’t wanna talk about maybe his ex is his friend nothing wrong with that try to work things out then if that doesn’t work you leave Dry consulate

4 Likes

I hope you are asking while your bags are already packed?? Pick everything that you ever bought it cost shared and leave… He can’t waste your time like that

Leave lovely. I think you know already you deserve better. Trust your instinct.

In his defence he thought you were leaving so he got defensive trying to act like he didn’t care.Going back to an ex is never a good idea tho

6 Likes

Alls we can give you is opinions and advice. You gotta choose to stay or leave. To me it sounds like he has a temper….and I’ve learned there’s never someone able to be friends with an ex unless it was a friend from growing up and you two got curious so you tried it out but it didn’t work so you stayed friends, but you/he’d have to be honest about all of that from day 1. You said you guys dated 5 yrs prior?…. That’s more than enough time for you to be able to have an idea of the type of person he is. My pov is, if you worded your response to him the same way you did when sharing this post, it does sound like you are threatening to leave him. You said “I’ll just leave….you” not “I’ll just leave then” idk I’m the type of person to read into those stupid little things :woman_shrugging:t2: again idk you or him so I wouldn’t know left from right about how he’s acting.

3 Likes

Sounds like two ppl who need to mature to me.

8 Likes

Trust your gut its usually right, although it does sound iffy

Um first off why were you trying to tickle him while he was in the middle of something. And it’s pretty manipulative of you to tell him if he doesn’t want attention the way you want to give it you’ll leave. It’s akin to people getting their butt slapped and then when their unhappy about you flip on them. He prob did think you meant leave leave. It may not be what you meant but it’s the words you used. We don’t know you’re whole relationship and the ins and outs based on one interaction. Should he tell nope. Sounds like he was frustrated with the situation. Maybe you two need space or to have an actual talk about the issues. But if you can’t trust him bc she called him at 9 then don’t be with him. It’s your choice. Lots of people talk to friends late at night. Just bc their an ex doesn’t mean it’s shady. Are there other reasons her calling then would be that you haven’t included? Also interested if you guys ever dealt with the previous issues that caused the relationship to fail?

I’d be gone already. Is nothing without trust and he sounds like a nob way he reacted as didn’t seem to care.

1 Like

I’d get couples counseling to learn how to communicate better and work on issues from both sides. This will help in ALL your relationships. Once you are talking WITH each other, not AT or TO each other, and truly LISTENING, not just reacting, you will have more clarity.

A good counselor can figure out what’s behind the overt behavior and ask the right questions to get you both to think and consider the other person’s point of view (valid or not).

Sounds like you both need to grow up, control your emotions better, and only then will you be able to be truthful about what you both want. Make your decision to stay or go based on what people mean and demonstrate, not just what they say. Why did you two get together in the first place? Why did you break up before?

Good luck. I hope you both find happiness, whether it is together, alone, or with other people.

3 Likes

Id ask him again why he’s talking to an ex, I’d add back your ex too if he’s being defensive.
He should be conversing with you, not her. Id be concerned but from experience id be out in a flash as they’re never always “just friends”

1 Like

Words have meanings so if he wasn’t in the mood to be playful like everyone has days that they just not in the mood…if my spouse would told me they will get attention or give attention to someone else, then yeah, I would tell them to leave too.

I think he gave you the answer to your question.

3 Likes

Sounds like you guys need to talk.

Nope he’s garbage waiting to be taken out no sane person has that reaction over nothing

3 Likes

Leave before he embarrasses you even more

Not trying to be mean but from an outside view you’re being childish. I know I hate to be tickled and my response it to ALWAYS push someone away that is tickling me…

3 Likes

Run girl. You’re not over thinking. Just the beginning of major heart aches.

3 Likes

ALWAYS!!! Listen to your little voice it is whispering to you something is wrong, for a reason. You deserve better. If you don’t treat yourself right by leaving he will only get worse.

6 Likes

If there’s no trust, there’s no relationship. And if you guys can’t talk through a miscommunication or he looks for easy outs like that then it’s pretty plain to see how this will play out unfortunately

4 Likes

You can’t reread a book and expect a different ending. Sounds like you guys don’t know how to communicate. I would have taken your words to mean the same as he did.

8 Likes

Sounds like you didn’t respond and respect his ques. When my man is not in a good mood i do not push boundaries with him. We will fight if i do and vice versa. Now the ignoring part i don’t agree with either. But every one has their moments and days. You also need to be more clear on what your saying as well. Because just because you did not mean it that way you said it in a way he took it personal and as if you would leave him all together. Which in a bad mood mixed with you threatening to leave(even if thats not what you meant) causes for bad reaction. You should have left him alone in the first place. As far as the ex contacting him that’s an entire different situation and should not be correlated with this incident

5 Likes

You sound hard work.
He was handling the food and you wanted attention? My 7 year old does that.
Also sounds like you worded it (about leaving him) deliberately to get a reaction.
But also, maybe he was waiting for something to use as a reason to blow up.
Why did you break up the first time?

11 Likes

No you meant leave not leave you alone. You didn’t get the response you wanted so you back tracked

10 Likes

He has already left you

1 Like

Leave girl, find your self worth

1 Like

You aren’t confused.
You’re aware of exactly what is going on and what your response should be.
You simply are desperate to hear someone tell you to stay,
work it out,
he may have had a bad day.
Respect yourself,
even if he doesn’t.
Pick up your dignity and self worth and leave.

6 Likes

Leave and don’t look back

Um, why are you confused? He told you to leave using very clear words.

3 Likes

Leave, and don’t look back

None of it sounds good or right.

2 Likes

Fk that he’s looking for any excuse , start planning to leave on Ur own , bye boy

5 Likes

You deserve better! Leave!

1 Like

Do what your heart is telling you to do

1 Like

Dudes playing u …leave before u waste ur time with him

2 Likes

He has already left you. Move on. Leave. you’re looking for someone to tell you to stay. To work it out. But you need to leave.

5 Likes

I’m confused as to why you haven’t left yet? Leave.

2 Likes

Never let a man tell you he doesn’t want you, twice.

10 Likes

Nope leave now he has already said leave so easily push u away then his ex video calling at nite no grand find someone who appreciates u best wishes :heart:

2 Likes

before saying to leave, I would be more asking what is the relationship like usually, is he usually loving and attentive, has he been off for a while? what was happening that day had you had words etc, that he was in this sort of mood. If you usually have a great relationship and all has been fine before this, then you need to talk more and talk about what makes you unhappy and what makes him unhappy. Having an ex talk to him is not an issue necessarily, there are plenty of people that are friends with an ex, but hiding it is not great, and honesty is a must.

3 Likes

He was an ex for a reason - you should’ve kept him that way

3 Likes

Not Karen… Bye Felicia :grin:

He wouldn’t have said that if he didn’t want you to go

2 Likes

Nope. Move along. Also, you’re not confused, you just don’t want to trust your intuition, if you don’t you will regret it. I say this a lot and I’m going to keep saying it… He showed you who he is, believe him!

6 Likes

Run….don’t walk! Leave now!

2 Likes

Doesn’t sound confusing at all. Bye bye!

2 Likes

I also dont think its wise to continue

Just Leave he don’t want you no more. He was to eager for you to leave

Do not continue. This is the beginning of the end. Save yourself heartache and end it.

No trust. No relationship. End of story

If you don’t trust him then that’s not the place you want to be. I’ve been in a relationship without trust it’s not good. I watched my best friend go through a relationship where his wife did not trust him, and he knew it. They are no longer together. You have nothing if you don’t have trust.

He wants you gone hun :weary:

1 Like

This is something that would of happened to me at 15.
I’d of thought you meant leave too but yeah he clearly wanted to be left alone and you didn’t seem to catch that hint. Him yelling and being over dramatic are some red flags too though. And the ex checking on him is strange but also could be harmless. Could be is the key. Probably not though lol

Leave, bye. His outburst said it all… deserve to always have his attention no matter what…

He was looking for a way out. This was his glimmer of an opportunity that he took. Leave. Run​:triangular_flag_on_post::running_woman::triangular_flag_on_post:. Don’t look back.

And he will blame the break-up on you.

First… your response to him not wanting to be tickled is immature and toxic and extremely passive aggressive which is why he probably got irritated. It’s okay for someone to be having an off day. You should have said something like “I apologize if I’m interrupting your thoughts, come find me when you have the mental space to talk because I would hate to disrupt whatever you’re trying to work out.” The way we talk to people matters. It’s easy to speak on impulse and emotion. You felt ignored and then offended that he pushed your hand away.
Second, if you don’t trust him then it’s time to leave anyway.

8 Likes

Unpopular opinion but, People (including men) are absolutely allowed to set boundaries with their bodies. When you tickled him and he gently pushed your hand away that was him enforcing boundaries, and you threatened to leave him over it. You can say you didn’t mean it like that, but if that was the case wouldn’t you have said “fine I’ll just leave” instead of “fine I’ll just leave YOU”.

I’m sure I would have yelled at my partner if he threatened to leave me over me not liking being tickled. But this whole argument seems like it was had by highschool kids and you seem super passive aggressive.

10 Likes

I thought the same…As Your leaving him. You said it totally wrong.
But yes leave, he meant it I would gather. And talking to his last love! Not to good at all.
Leave

1 Like

Never stay with someone who is ok with losing you

2 Likes

Nope 🙅 he’s obviously not into you anymore, don’t break your own heart further by staying longer than welcome

5 Likes

Ask him. Ask him if it was just something at the moment or if he really wants to be single.

Ask him! Communicate with him. Nobody on here can give you an answer.

All Red flags… LEAVE!! As soon as he shouted, it was GO TIME. Don’t invest anymore time. You’ll be disappointed. Ex is IN the present. Trust your gut!!

2 Likes

Does anyone actually talk to there significant other these days instead if running to the damn internet to see what they should do? Use your damn words with HIM, not us.

Get out. An ex is an ex for a reason.

4 Likes

That man was ready to kick your ass to the curb :joy: Too easily at that!! I’d drop his ass like a bad habit before he drops you for someone else like he was so ready to do.

Baby, you know the answer to this.

3 Likes

Did he leave this ex on good terms? If so then I think it’s a red flag you jump to cheating. If he & ex are on good terms & they’re still friends Then that’s a sign he’s mature enough to now when things aren’t working. Not everyone has to drop everyone to be in a relationship- that’s how relationships fail, no one trusts anyone from day one. If you lost trust in him already though them leave him. No reason to hold that over someone’s head

Maybe because he misunderstood when you said you would leave he was extremely hurt and shocked and his outburst was a completely defensive reaction to your outburst. There is a lot more to this story. you haven’t said why you split previously does he trust you. Does he have low self esteem. Guy have all these feelings as well as us girls you know. It is too easy on here to guy bash. As for his ex maybe she is a friend perhaps they donot share the ‘sexual spark’ but actually like each other as people. I myself have lived through domestic abuse but I still like to think I can see a males point of veiw sometimes there is too much man hating on here just because you have had a bad experience with your man doesn’t mean all men are the same. So wait for calm and sit down and talk ask for honesty from him without hysteria but be prepared to hear things you maybe won’t like . It’s the only way to have a good relationship . Then decide what you want to do.

7 Likes

Don’t be stupid… LEAVE!!!

3 Likes