I’m torn and I’m ready to just quit. My adult daughter has decided to move back in with us. She was told that we can’t keep her and her dog forever. It’s been 6 months since and she’s still here. She does nothing but tear me apart and disrespect me. She even refuses to do anything with her dog. Not even a walk. When asked to take her dog out or do anything around the house I get told I’m selfish and to do it myself. I didn’t want the dog I didn’t agree to any of this. Hubby has decided to let her keep the dog and stay. So one of us has to go. Do I leave my husband and go on my own? Do I make her go? Am I really the selfish one?
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Am I selfish for not wanting my daughter and her dog living with us? - Mamas Uncut
This isnt a dog issue. This is just your daughter being completely lazy and disrespectful. If she handled the dog you probably wouldn’t care as much. 
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Nope! Tell her to get out!!!
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She’d be gone. Or you can make sure your husband does EVERYTHING for her and her dog
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Your not selfish at all. She is a grown adult . You have done ur job in raising her. She needs to learn respect tho cuz ur doing her a favor by letting her stay there and she seems to not appreciate it at all. I’d tell her she has to go. Give her a date she has to be out by. I wouldn’t go for being disrespected on my own house!!
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Be showing her the door.
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Your house your rules. Shes grown. If she doesnt like it…bubye!
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Something is missing from this story.
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Your husband is disrespecting you as well by going against your wishes …
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If she stays then you go. Maybe hubby and the daughter will figure it out. You and your husband are partners and if he isn’t seeing the wrong with this then maybe a wake up call is needed for both.
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Your adult daughter & her dog are not your responsibility. Yes, it is nice when people help their adult children out, but you can’t put yourself out in the process. It’s a shame this is coming between you & your husband.
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Tell her to grow up and get out.
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Dont let her push you out of your own life and marriage… Again shes grown…she needs to be on her merry way
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Kick her out. Keep the dog.
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She needs to grow up. Her dog her responsibility. She’s an adult. Your husband needs to stop babying her
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I was not allowed back living in my moms house after I was 18. Kick her out or if she wants to stay there she needs a job and responsibilities. It’s your house and your rules and if she doesn’t like it she needs to go.
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She needs to be the one to go. It will break up your marriage and that’s entirely unfair to you
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She is an adult and if she can’t be responsible and helpful in YOUR house it is time to show her the door
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I wouldn’t let no grown ass kid of mine to disrespect me. And if husband didn’t agree I would be taking myself a nice vacation or moving out.
I disagree with the selfish and lazy comments. Your daughter sounds depressed!! Been there and done that with a child and it’s hard to go through because you want them doing stuff, participating in life and enjoying things. I think therapy and medication might offer some help in this area.
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Your house, your rules
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Your house your rules, she cant pretend to be an adult and not act like one…especially if she cant even take care of her dog. Sit down and give her a timeframe to save up and get her own place or else she needs to give up the dog to some one who can actually take care of it. Youre not being selfish by asking her to be responsible for herself.
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Tell that spoiled brat to beat it that’s ridiculous I had to move back in with my mom but I do all the cleaning and cooking and I pay as well she needs to learn some responsibility
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You need to get United with your husband who seems to be being manipulated by your own daughter. If hubby has decided to let her keep the dog then he can clean up after it if she does not care to do so herself.
Either rules need to be set and adhered to for the daughter in order for her to stay, and that includes chipping in and paying rent to some degree, but it also means a level of respect is required since it’s your house. Period. Mean what you say and say what you mean.
But for me? If they can’t make adjustments then as far as I am concerned, they BOTH can make their exit but sure as hell ain’t no one kicking me outta my own house.
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Your house …. Your rules , if she is not helping in any way kick her out and your husband too if he doesn’t support you
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I’d kick her out the door. Your daughter is being selfish and acting like a child.
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I came back as an adult with my dog, to my parents. I moved back from out of state. They told me in advance, I had 6 months to stay. I was out with my dog in 5 months.
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Your not selfish, she is totally in the wrong and so is hubby, he should be on your side, either give her a date too leave or get hubby to deal with that disgusting attitude, you’ve done your job of raising her, she needs to respect you more
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She needs to go. Eviction if necessary
I would put your daughter out… why? #1 because of shes disrespecting you in your own household, just let alone with that i would of already kicked her out. I had my brother live with me and he disrespected not just me but my household and i had to put him out
She needs to go especially if she is being disrespectful in your home! Your husband can get on board and have your back or he can go with her!
Show her where the door is!!
You make her go…I’m going through the same thing…I refuse to let my child run my life…I raised them once I’m not gonna do it again…especially when they are disrespectful to the hand that feeds them…it’s time we put our foot down and give them tough love girlie…good luck…
I’m all for being there to the fullest extent even for your adult children BUT she should be respectful and helpful as well, working, taking care of her animal etc. There’s a difference in helping your child when their in need and coddling your child and it sounds like dad is coddling. Be there for her, let her live with you but lay down the rules and if she can’t follow by them and show her parents respect then she doesn’t need to be living under your roof.
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I’d kick her out and hubby can make the decision if he gonna stay or leave.
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I have always have my grown children come home if they are having a problem. That’s why I now have 7 cats and 3 dogs. I have my grown children back home and I love them being home.
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Sounds like she is selfish and lazy
She is in your home not hers
She either steps up or gets out
Simple as that and if your husband don’t like it he can go with her
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I would definitely ask her to leave. I have an adult daughter living with us a well with her small dog who sometimes has accidents but she 100% cleans up after him and cares for him! You are not responsible for caring for an adult child and their pet especially if they don’t appreciate you and are disrespectful to you. Your husband is an enabler and needs to stand up for you and support you.
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It’s your house make her go if she won’t help
Wow, really? You’re going to leave your husband over it? Why not just sit everyone down and talk about it. If she can’t come to your terms then she’s gotta go
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Sounds like she may need a healthy nudge if encouragement to move out. Try offering to take her to job service providers or a community centre to talk about housing.
NO!! Put your foot down and give her the ‘old heave ho’ and the only one I feel sorry for is the Dog.
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Does she work and pay for dog stuff. How old is she
you stay/they both go/it is your house/no one has to be disrespected , and being it is your daughter ,she has either learned or was taught this behavior and needs to go
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I would have her and the husband sit down and lay a few ground rules. She has to get a job or start helping out around the house, or both. She also starts taking care of her dog. The husband agrees to all this or the two of them can do without you.
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Kick her out she will never up staying
Define “adult”
Are we talking 20 something or 18 year old? Is she depressed? Has she had mental health issues in the past?
I thank the stars my mom never gave up on me as an adult when I had to move back home and had horrible bipolar depression. I wouldn’t be where I am today.
Get her help if you can. She is your child.
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I’m confused! Why don’t you be the PARENT and tell her exactly what is expected of her?
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She has to grow up and live on her own at some point and your husband should back you up.
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Idk I don’t think I could just kick my daughter out grown or not but u could make rules and make her follow them or tell she doesn’t then she can leave maybe even charge her rent and she takes care of her own dog
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Out…it’s your home and you have the say.
She is very spoiled… Tough love is in order. Life doesn’t revolve around her.
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You make her go and of not then you leave
How old is she? Does she contribute to the household?
I’m all for helping out our kids but not at the sake of my marriage or my sanity. At some point our kids grow up, move out and live a life without us. She needs to be able to do that.
If you can’t show basic respect you can’t expect to be able to live with mom.
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TTough Love ,throw her out.,Keep the dog.
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maybe you do need to leave. if you consider leaving your husband over your daughter you’re the problem.
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Start charing her rent and for dog care. She needs to learn than Mom and Dad have worked for what they have got and to be a productive member of society, then by golly it’s time she does too. If she can’t or won’t get a job then by all means laundry needs to be done, vacuuming, dishes, dusting and especially with an animal in the house floors swept. Also getting dinner started. There are plenty of ways to earn her keep so to speak. If she or Hubby disagree then well I’d start a strike and only fend for yourself. You clothes are washed, only your dinner is cooked. So on. It may seem childish but you can shiw her how childish she is being. Now it would be better if Hubby was on board with the plan but the choice is his. And stick to it. Good luck. 
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Maybe it’s just me but family is all we have and we stick together no matter what. I’d be caring for the dog and taking it for walks myself. I’d be setting the example of love and acceptance. I’d be planning meals and creating an environment of positive energy despite what she’s doing. She may or may not participate. My guess is she’s depressed. Life changes all the time. I’m not sure what brought her back home but maybe encourage her to go to therapy.
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You must make her go or she simply won’t. I feel for this situation, but the ultimatum must be delivered.
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What you allow will continue.
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SHE should not have been able to make that decision. You should have been ASKED! What you allow, will happen. I would give her a time limit and tell her she needs to relocate.
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I would set the boundary of no disrespect, take care of the dog, and whatever else and if she doesn’t want to be a grown up and treat you right and her dog then she can get out. I’m all for helping people, including your grown children, but if they are being nasty and entitled nope. End that. Also, that’s a howeible way for her to treat the dog so maybe it needs a better home. Poor thing.
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Check your state laws. If she has been living there you may have to have her served with an eviction notice. Sit her and your husband down and be firm. Tell them this is how it’s going to be from now on. She either gets off her butt and helps or she has to go. Do not back down. Either you will get through to her or she won’t care. If she doesn’t wanna help do the eviction notice.
I would hope anyone’s husband would put their wife/marriage first over their grown child in this case. I hope you have your husbands support. idk how old she is but i’m 27 and have been out on my own since 19… I went back home for two months after my divorce (from a very physically abusive man) then left again. I felt horrible even going back home for the small time I did… only because i don’t like change personally so I get how it feels to have your life rearranged without you wanting it to be. and someone moving in with you after you and your spouse have been alone for years is rearranging your life IMO.
Your daughter sounds depressed and disrespectful. I was depressed during my divorce too but I never raised a voice or even rolled my eyes at my mother. matter of fact I haven’t done so since I was in high school. and i’ve had very low, lows. so there’s no excuse to disrespect the woman that gave you life. period. she has to go and be an adult. your husband should support your opinion, decision, and feelings. however, if she needs a few months to save $ or find a home for the dog, I would give her that if I were you (before you make any decisions on leaving)
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Tell her she has 30 days to find a place and move with her dog. Also tell her that she’s neglecting her dog and he/she deserves a proper owner, if she can’t do that then she should find it another home
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No she’s grown. I have one home never been on own only lived with boyfriend. She working but not full time. I would love to see her on her own.
Do what makes you happy
Ummm. You tell her pack her crap and tell her get out in 30 days. If she needs some sort of help as far as therapy, help her find one but that’s that. Not exactly sure why you would leave your husband and family because your kid won’t move out?
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Should have never let her come back to begin with
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That has to be a decision that you and your husband agree to, it absolutely can not be a one sided decision. You two come to a agreement on how long she can stay and then sit down and tell her what your expectations are and when her time is up. You guys have each others back! You are not selfish, and if she can not respect you then her departure would be immediate. She would come home to her things outside on the porch and the locks changed. If she called the police don’t answer the door. That is YOUR home, not hers. That’s the proper advice, if it was me she’d be scared to even look at me wrong much less talk shit, disrespect would not be tolerated even a little. If she wants to behave like a child then whoop her like one. Drag her!
She sounds like a spoiled brat… you need to lay down the law with her and your husband… flat out, either she gets off her ass and takes care of her dog and gets a job and starts working on getting her adult life together, or she leaves, PERIOD. And if your husband has a problem with it then tell him your leaving!.. good luck lady 
I’m sorry your dealing with this
I don’t see you being selfish , you for your job raised her and helped her when she needed it which was supposed to be temporary. I’d say speak with your husband first then have a sit down and say how it’s going to be
I don’t think i could ever kick my daughter out. I feel like my home is suppose to be a safe place for them to come if and when they every need it no matter the reasons.
I would start with why did she move home? Was it mental health issues? Does she have a job? Does she pay for the dogs stuff? I would sit both her and the husband down and hay some ground rules. If she is an adult that should be guidelines versus rules as that probably won’t go well being told rules.
But if you need her to leave I would basically say, you need to find a place to go and you have X amount of days to get there.
Has she told the husband something she hasn’t told you that makes him want to let her stay? If he is her bio father I can’t really fault him for choosing to continue helping his daughter.
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Give her 30 days then she has to go,no one needs to be disrespectful
Who raise her?. Xxxx
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I’m 100% for helping your kids but they have to show you the respect you deserve and at the very least, take care of their own dog. You’re not a doormat just because it’s your kid. If she was old enough to live on her own once, she’s old enough to do it again. Give her an ultimatum, she either shows you the respect you deserve and takes care of the dog or out she goes.
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Breaks my heart to see all these people saying to kick your child out. In this economy, housing market, and wage inequality its going to be extremely difficult for her to be able to be on her own. As a mother i could never imagine kicking my child out no matter her age. I dont stop being a mother just because my child turned 18. There needs to be some basic ground rules and split household responsibilities. And even pitching in with finances. And hinestly i agree with your husband. My child will forever come before any relationship.
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No you are not selfish. You raised her so you are no longer obligated to her.
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Tell her to take care of her dog or that you will find someone that will. Rescues will assist in finding a better owner. Then tell your husband the same thing, either he helps take care of you or that you will re-home yourself. As mothers we spend a lot of years taking care of others and at some point it has to be about us
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You are not the selfish one , they are. Tell her to go.
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You and your husband need to come to agreement and stand united first and foremost. I’m going through something similar with my husband‘s brother he was living with us going in 6 months now. My husband and I agreed to a timeline and if certain conditions are not met by that timeline he hast to go. 
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If she an adult then she needs to pick up the responsibilities, I don’t think your being selfish. Some ppl are just not meant to co-habitat even if they are relatives. Do a sit down maybe and point out the things you are dissatisfied with even if you need a mediator. Staying in that environment will have mental & physical health issues
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Shes a whole ass adult she needs to get her shit together and move out i get it I have my sister and 2 yr old nephew who doesn’t like to listen sometimes but shes getting her shit together so she can move out she dont wanna be here forever with me. I can be a jerk and im more motherly with her and told her get your shit together get a job let’s work on getting u a car so u can move out
These comments are appalling. This is your CHILD and adult could mean 18 years old for all we know. She sounds extremely depressed. What caused her to move back home? She most likely needs help and came to you and may not know how to ask. I guarantee if you kick her out, she will cut you off forever. If you’re okay with that then go ahead and “evict” your child.
I could never do this to my kids, and I’m so thankful my mom helped me through the toughest part of my life when I moved back home as an adult. I probably wouldn’t be alive today without her help and support! 
Everyone saying she’s a brat and spoiled judging from a 7 sentence fb post.
Have a sincere talk with her about what she is expected to do around the house. What bills she needs to contribute to/groceries. Talk to her about how it isn’t fair to her dog for her to neglect it.
Be a PARENT. Ask her if she needs mental health care.
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Support your child. Clearly she is crying out for help and in a serious mental decline. Help her get the help she needs first. Ie counseling, therapy, medication etc. Are you struggling to pay bills having her there? If not, support your child in her time of need. If you push her away now she’ll resent you and how you acted for the rest of her life. In my family we go above and beyond for our own no matter the situation. My Mother has supported me through my darkest times and I wouldn’t be here without her. Now as an adult it’s my turn to care for her in every aspect because she can no longer care for herself. I refuse to put her in a nursing home until I’m unable to provide her with the proper care she needs.
Also depending on where your from you must not have a housing crisis in your area. There is literally nothing available on the market in VT. The affordable housing list has a 2-5 year wait list alone. So finding an apartment is insanely hard in our area. So giving an ultimatum of find a place in 30 days isn’t realistic in our area. Just food for thought….
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She needs to go. Time to move on.
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Pack her up and put it on the porch along with Fido! Enough is enough!
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If she is an adult, then she needs to adult if not now, then when?
Set clear and concise expectations and stick to them.
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Make it simple. Charge her rent at the price she would pay elsewhere. $2,000 a month should cover her living expenses at your house, since you supply all the comforts of home. Or you can Help her with a deposit on one bedroom apartment that would be cheaper then what you would charge her. The other option Is to look for a two bedroom apartment for her, so your husband can join her.
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Leave. Let him and her see who the real selfish one is.
Take the dog from her either keep or rehome to a loving home and kick her out if she doesn’t threten the police also prove how she’s neglecting the dog so you can take it from her
You are being reasonable. You gave her a place to stay. Time is up. She needs to go… it would be completely different if she were respectful and helping out.
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Change the locks and put her shit out…end of story
Sounds like hubby is enabling a womanchild. She needs to get out and get her own or abide by helping out and taking care of her own responsibilities in the house…
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No your not selfish at all, she’s grown up and had to come back home she should have the upmost respect and be so grateful she has somewere to stay, it’s your home none should make you feel like this even your own daughter. If your that unhappy and your husband dosent have your side just leave life’s too short hope things get better for you.
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You’re not selfish. Your home, your rules. She is an adult and it is not your job to take care of her anymore, and certainly not her pets. My mom would have never went for it. I don’t allow my teen’s dog in our home and I don’t take care of it either. She wanted it, it is her job to take care of it, she even pays the vet bills for it. Time for her to grow up, and your husband should realize that also. Not sure how to advise on that, because he should not be allowing her to get away with the way she’s treating you. If he wants to spoil her, he should be doing it, not expecting you to.
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Your not selfish. I would give her a month to move. She’s just taking advantage at this point
She’s an adult and this is your home tell your husband you have contemplated leaving if she stays so she needs to go. His response will tell you if you need to leave.
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It’s Your house and its time she leave the nest.
totally understandable,Try family therapy. And charge her some rent since she don’t wanna help out. Stay strong 
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