Am I taking things the wrong way?

I currently have 2 small daughters , one of them is 1 year old and the other is 4 years old.

I’m currently 37 weeks pregnant and I’m getting induced in 2 weeks, I honestly RARELY ASK MY MOM TO WATCH MY GIRLS ,the only time I have asked my mom to watch my kid was when I gave birth to my second child…
(btw I have a 6 year old sister and a 12 year old brother, and everytime my mom needs help and needs someone to watch them I stop everything I have to do and watch them,to help my mom)
well right now I needed her help to watch my 2 children while I’m giving birth and she said yes but with the condition that it has to be in her house, I don’t feel comfortable because her house has stairs and my 1 year old is not calm ,she is a little monkey who climbs and jumps all over the place, so I told her if she could please watch my kids in my house I have way more rooms than her house, and I told her she could use any bedroom but my children will feel safe to sleep In their own house, well she still said no. I got upset because everytime I do her favors ,I don’t put conditions and that’s what she is doing, she did that last time when I gave birth to my 2nd daughter too but my 1st daughter was already 3 years old and knew how to go upstairs… and well she was just bigger.
I know my daughter is my responsibility but like I said I rarely ask my mom for anything.
Today I also received a call from my provider asking me to urgently go to an ultrasound tomorrow , so I asked my mom if she could do that atleast and she said “I can’t, I have to take my kids to school” so I told her “can’t your husband take them ? I only need you to watch my girls for 1 hour and a half max)
She said " no , because he does the stock market everyday all morning ,he cannot miss it”
I was VERY MAD and of course , emotional and dissapointed…
She can always count on me but I can never count on her … also she is always judging me saying I do this wrong as a mother and I do this wrong as a wife ,which she also did today after telling her that is better for my girls not to have a grandma than having a grandma like her. I also did ask her to not show in the hospital because I don’t want to see her , all she does Is get me upset and hurts me because she is unreliable… and sadly I have to pay someone to watch my girls at my own home.
Am I wrong?? I’m I too emotional and taking things the wrong way??

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I think the hormones definitely don’t help the situation, but I totally understand why you’d feel that way… I would too. It’s hard when you continually do something for someone but they always have an excuse when you need them. Do you have a baby gate she should use to put at the bottom of her stairs? I would honestly get someone else to watch them, not let her in the hospital to visit (not sure if people are even allowed to visit since Covid) but I would make sure the doctor & staff knows she isn’t allowed in & I wouldn’t let her visit. I understand she has her own life, other kids to care for but with the way she’s acting I agree with you. They’re many things she could do to help… get her husband to help take the kids to school (like skipping 30 minutes of stock would make a difference), she could pick up your kids and take them with her to drop her kids off, she could just stay at your house without making it an issue. She’s being stubborn and I’m not sure why.

It’s one of things where you already know how your mom is. I feel when watching other younger children it is easier to have them in their environment… but some people want things on their terms. If you want their help you have to comply. I would either bring a gate to her house to keep the little one off stairs or pay someone to watch them at your home. No point in getting mad when you already know she is hot and miss with help. As far as doing things for her. Say no… just as she is not required to help neither are you.
It sucks that people are not considerate of your feelings but A-Lot. Of grandparents refuse to help and they are not required to. Just have to move past it and find other reliable sources … family is not like it used to be. You can be mad or just accept them for who they are and don’t ask anything of them.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Am I taking things the wrong way?

If its stairs your worried about , buy her a gate. Simple.

But it sounds like you have more issues with her than that. If your uncomfortable leaving your kids with her, and you don’t have a “plan b” to watch your kids then yes, your going to have to pay a babysitter. Good luck.

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That would be the last time I’d ask her for anything.

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No you are a mom who to protect her children

Buy a baby gate.
Done

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So you don’t think your mother, who raised you and is raising 2 young children of her own, is capable of taking care of your children in her own home for a few days? What an insult!!

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I mean IMO I think you are over reacting a bit to buy a baby gate, not a big deal at all, you get to have your baby knowing your littles are safe grandma gets the babies at her home to not disrupt their lives it’s a win win

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As a mother your mom should be there for you. Especially! While you are having another baby. Imo it is not to much to ask that she come to your house with her older children that can sleep anywhere to provide your kids with a comfortable sleep! No you are not wrong to be upset!

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You want your children in the comfort of their own home but it’s ok for her children to be stuck at your house? She has her own responsibility and would be doing you a huge favor by keeping your kids. Selfish and entitled !

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Buy a baby gate ? I think you’re pregnant and hormonal. She has two children to care for herself… so her watching YOUR kids in HER home … isn’t unreasonable. If you don’t like it - pay a nanny :woman_shrugging:t3:

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I get wanting them in their own home so they have all their stuff while mom is gone. My advice is pay a sitter to be in your house with your children and stop babysitting for your mom. Or go buy a baby gate for the stairs if that’s your only concern.

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I don’t think you’re overreacting at all. I’ve cut people off in my life because I would be there for them whenever they needed, but they wouldn’t do the same. Also if your mom wants to babysit at her house, SHE is responsible for making her home baby safe, like buying a gate for the stairs, not you. I don’t have a relationship with my mom because of past issues and because of this same thing. She should be grateful she gets to see her grandkids and she should be willing to watch them wherever it makes you feel comfortable. I would also stop helping her out if she can’t do the same :woman_shrugging:

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Your are NOT over reacting . You mom is being a itchbay . Not cool. Stop helping her out. She doesn’t deserve it.

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You are being OTT imo. She doesn’t have to watch your kids at all… may be good if she does but she doesn’t need to be put out by it, just let her do it at her house and get a baby gate. If you aren’t happy doing that then you will need to hire a babysitter or have the kids have a Dad look after them? May not be ideal for bubs birth but seems the better option if your mum can’t.

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I don’t think it’s only the stairs your worried about here. I also don’t think your wrong to be upset it hurts to always be there for someone and when u need them they flop every time makes u feel like your not worth shit to them

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Where is your husband?

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You said “wife” so where’s your husband? His family? You’re mad at her and her husband? I’m sorry but she has young kids too and you can’t expect them to rearrange their daily life for your children. As mean as it sounds you’re grown going on your 3rd child. So you need act grown and realize you can’t always have things your way and have people drop their life for you. And steps? Get a gate. Easy.

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I understand not wanting your little to be going around stairs, but there’s these things called baby gates to prevent that. I use one to keep my dogs contained at night. Your mom has young children and responsibilities at her home while you will be in the hospital. So I’d say yes you are being a bit emotional and taking things too far.

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Kids are always more comfortable being at home, especially the 1 year old. Sounds like your mom gets upset fairly easy. As you said you’re always there for her she should likewise be there for you. Unfortunately you’re going to have your husband take the day off or have a babysitter come in…I wish you all the best
in the world.

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I have a 3 year old brother and 7 yr old sister who I watch for my mom when the kids weren’t in school she brought them to me for overnights. You are insulting your mother by basically saying she doesn’t know what to do with kids. If you are worried about stairway safety buy a babysat. You’re overreacting and being selfish.

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I sorta thought it was unfair until I read u were married too, cant ur husband help?

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I’m sorry but she wants to stay at her own house with her kids, that by your statement have a school routine every morning. That doesn’t scream unreliability. Buy a baby gate. It seems to me you’d rather her disrupt her life than have yours disrupted. You’re the one asking for help here. If she asked you to pack your kids up and stay at her house to watch her kids for a couple nights would you do it? Doesn’t sound like it since even doing that when you are the one who needs the help seems to be an issue.

My mom watched my son at her house when I gave birth to my daughter, and I would not have ever asked her to come stay here for my comfort, I’m the one asking HER for a favor, it’s on her terms.

She said some mean things to you after you said some to her, what did you expect? I don’t blame her.

Unless you left instances out, from what you wrote your mom is there for you, just not the way you want her to be.

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YOU’RE the one that needs a favor. She has two other children that have school and need access to their belongings, so it is more convenient for your mom to watch your kids at her house because your children don’t need to go to school. I feel like this is a lot deeper then some stairs because the simple solution for that is to buy a baby gate. You’re asking for help and she’s trying to help you and her at the same time. If you don’t like the conditions then it’s time to pay for a nanny or ask husbands family to watch them

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I mean why can’t your husband watch the kids? I’m not saying it’s over reacting but where is their father? You said wife in there so I’m assuming you’re married.

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My mother has dementia and my father is dead. Most my moms family is either dead or lives to far away. My father’s family pretty much has nothing to do with me. I literally have no one. And NO you don’t have to be available when she asks because you have responsibilities just like she does. Asking her to do something last minute does complicate things. Whenever any of my siblings were born I went to someone else’s house, once at my aunts and uncles and once at my grandmother’s. All either deceased or some form of dementia. Because of a lot of hospitals rules at the moment with not letting in so many visitors and 0 children I’d accommodate to her since she does have children herself and least they can go to school. Her husband doesn’t have to pick up the slack when it’s something something she does. I don’t know his schedule. Also where is your support from your baby dad’s side? My hsubands family lives states away but we have been talking about asking his sister to fly out when I have my baby in March-April.

Sorry but you could’ve been workable about the children staying at her house while she still has two young children who obviously depend on her. Since you’re married your husband could’ve helped out with watching the kids for you could go to ultrasound and his family could help out with watching the kids while you go have another kid. Also if it really comes down to it your husband can stay at home with the kids if you’re truly that uncomfortable with her or other people watching them n he can drop you off at hospital and pick you up or you can stop being whiny and pack clothes and whatever else for your two kids n take them to grandmas and buy a gate for the stairs n your husband go with you to the hospital.

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Maybe take a baby gate over to your Mom’s house so your child cannot get to the stairs. Or find a close friend to rely on. Or in-laws maybe??

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Yes, you are wrong. You expect her to change up her own children’s routine to accommodate yours. No, when you ask someone to babysit- family included- and it’s free, you accommodate THEIR needs. Bring a baby gate and put it on the stairs. Have your husband do it. You told her it was better for them to not have a grandma than to have her as a grandma? Simply because she has kids in the home still and needs to prioritize them and their needs because they rely on her? Holy crap, I would’ve just told you straight no.

If her husband does the stocks as a form of income, then yeah I get why he can’t miss it. You sound extremely entitled. She isn’t required to keep your kids at all just because she’s grandma. It’s a privilege not a right that she does this for you. The fact that she’s willing to do so but asks that you allow her to watch them and still be able to keep her own kids in their own home and keep their routine stable isn’t unreasonable. You’re angry that she can’t watch the kids for an appointment but where is YOUR husband? Where is HIS family? You’re putting a lot of weight on your mother when that weight should be placed squarely on your husband.

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Sorry mama but you are wrong here. If you are asking her to do you a service it is your job to work around her needs she should not have to pick up her own life to come to your house. You are not entitled to your moms time even though you feel like you are. If you feel like you are giving more than you’re receiving Maybe step away

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I’ll probably give the unfavorable opinion I feel you’re the one making conditions and giving no choices. Pretty sure if your mom asked for help and told you nope pack up your kids and come watch your siblings here you would be pissed. Your mom has you and 2 other kids she’s capable of watching your child around stairs. So you think people with kids just don’t live with stairs? :joy: got to remember your siblings also have school etc. she has her life too.

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I took younger children with me to the OB and ultrasounds. Take plenty of toys and snacks and color books. I took a back pack of stuff to occupy them. As far as the birth I can understand you being upset but if you don’t like her stipulations then pay someone to do what you want done. I actually think it’s good to say you don’t want to see her if all it does is upset you. Once your hormones calm down after having baby decide if you still want to be there every time she needs a sitter after this.Best wishes for a smooth safe delivery and happy healthy mom and baby.

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So u think your mother said yes to babysitting just to allow your child to roll down the steps a few times ?!?!?! Lol :joy:

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What if roles were reversed & she wanted u to watch her kids at her house??
Listen i do the same my daughter drove hour to dr w newborn & 2 yr old n than needed me to watch the 2 yr old I told her my house she drove the hour to me than 20min home. My other daughter has a 2 & 3 year old & i only babysit at my house. Kids are better behaved out of their environment. Buy baby gates etc.

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P.s. you can’t say why can’t ur husband cause she can say well where is yours?

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Your over reacting if honest. She has other children in school. Is it really that hard to drop your child off. As for stair problem nothing a baby gate won’t solve. It seems your expecting everything your own way

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I don’t think its a problem for her to say she’d rather watch them at her house. You’re asking her for a favor and it’s most likely at least one night. If she feels more comfortable at her house then oblige and bring over the necessary equipment to keep your children safe(pack
And play, baby gate, sippy cup…exc) i completely can see both point of views because im a mom of a 9,4 & 1 yr old who feels more comfortable at home, i am also 38 weeks pregnant. But you gotta do what you gotta do :blush: its only a few days

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Yeah you are this could have been solved by just bringing a babygate. Also kinda of rude of you to screw with your siblings routine. And honestly you entitlement is shit. Your mom doesn’t have to do jack shit for you and and you tell her your girls are better off without her yeah I would absolutely tell you no too. Freaking disgusting.

Take a dang gate over and grow up— good lord

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Buy a damn baby gate :woman_facepalming: she can’t be forced to put your kids above her own. But also, stop being there for her. It’s a 2 way street.

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…and apologize to your mother. She established a boundary and you resorted to confrontation Bc you didn’t like her boundary. It’s utterly ridiculous.

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honestly it’s much easier to entertain the younger 2 at her house then her older 2 at yours . a baby gate and bag of toys would suffice . Teens or older kids have friends to go outside with gaming equipment to pack and unpack homework extra curriculars to attend , they get bored and attitude much easier which usually leads to them getting into more trouble. while I understand your points I also understand your mom’s.

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I’m so sorry. Your mother sounds very selfish. Stand your ground.

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Mixing family and business is never a good idea. You need someone to care for your children, which is a service you would normally pay for. If granny wants to help out, great. If you don’t like granny’s conditions, choose another option.

When you mix business with family, it can lead to stresses in the family relationships.

Granny just wants to be a granny … she doesn’t want to feel like you expect her to be a built in babysitter.

I guess I’m biased … I’m 61, disabled, and I have 6 grandkids. I love my grandbabies … but I don’t appreciate being “expected” to babysit just because I’m disabled and can’t work. My private time is important to me, and I like to be able to choose if I want to see my grandbabies. I like to just be granny, instead of babysitter.

Just because we’re available doesn’t mean we want to be, but I’m more inclined to help out when I know my kids appreciate me, and respect me. If I babysit, I do it in my own home.

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Next time she asks u to look after her kids … tell her to f off… ur feelings matter and ur not being over sensitive… its natural to expect the same respect back… just don’t ever do her any favours again… its a two way street.
Selfish bloody women … gd luck for ur next arrival xx

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I am a Gramma. I love my grandkids to eternity and beyond!!!

That being said, I watched my grandkids everyday for over a year. Though I loved it I also did start to resent it also because I felt taken for granted.

For some reason it is expected that grandparents jump when asked. And yes I do most of the time.

BUT….sometimes it would be nice if the other side would do their part also.

Where are the other grandparents?

Aunts?
Uncles?

As far as the ultrasound…your hubby needs to step up. You can take them with you but it isn’t ideal.

Ask a friend.

The stuff you said to your mom is horrible.

I understand anger but that kind of stuff was said to hurt her and you know it’s not true.

If it was true then you wouldn’t allow her to watch your kids ever.

NEVER EVER USE YOUR KIDS AS PAWNS.

There isn’t much greater pain than to have your grandchildren kept from you.

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with kids of her own she probably feels more comfortable at her own house. Just buy a cheap baby gate. Both of my Kids at 1 grew up in houses with stairs, as long as they’re being watched & you block them off they’ll be fine

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It’s the Worst feeling in the world when you lose your parents. Simply Apologize. Don’t be so angry with each other. You probably have Pregnancy hormones all over the place. More than likely, your Mom and the other children will enjoy entertaining your children, while they are there. Relax and stop stressing so much. Congrats

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I think people in this post didn’t read correctly when you stated you are always available to help your mother out with her kids with NO conditions, so why can’t she do the same? You are NOT over reacting, she’s being selfish. Stand your ground because your feelings MATTER!

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Your husband can take off and watch them of you don’t like the conditions Mom is setting. You can also stop being available for her since you feel its tick for tack. Dang

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Where is your partner?

Is your mom not trustworthy and would let a 1 year old fall down the stairs?? Pack their comfort things up and they will be fine.People have their own lives to take care of and if they are offering to help you out you need to stop wanting everything your way.It seems like you are saying hurtful things to your mom when she doesn’t cater to your demands.

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Tell your mom yes on the condition she get 2 GOOD baby gates.

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People are actually being simply one sided, in a way this is extremely toxic… start putting your foot down and telling her no, you are not being overly sensitive I think you have every right to be upset and angry especially when you are constantly helping her out and it’s not being reciprocated. On the other hand I just lost my mom, so don’t keep yourself away from her, forgive her you can just establish boundaries the same way she does. Maybe then she will see that she can put a little more effort. I’ve never understood this they are your kids and your responsibility, yes they are, BUT me as a mother I will ALWAYS help my kids when I can they are too mine when the time comes for my kids. There are things simply out of people’s control and we as mothers need help. This is just putting extra stress on you with the baby being here so soon! Good luck momma hope you get some help soon!

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Sounds like ur husband needs to step up and do something. a lot of ppl don’t feel comfortable in someone else’s home even if it is family. U sound very selfish and a brat from using ur children to hurt ur mom. Never use kids to hurt someone that’s not why we have kids

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I’d cut contact :woman_shrugging: Or minimize it, don’t help her when she needs it and see how she feels :woman_shrugging:

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I go through the same thing with my momma all the time. She will not watch my kids and she has 2 kids but I’m the only one with the kids as my brother isn’t a kid person. And my husbands family is fully out of the picture for good. My real dad left when I was baby so don’t have that. My stepdad is near all the time but won’t watch both kids of mine ever cause he’s “always” sick. It sucks not having family. Me and my husband NEVER get a break (was my choice) but for mental health purposes I need a break. I’m really sorry your going through this. I would stop letting her see the kids until she realizes she’s being unrealistic. She knows your having another child so she should be more than willing to watch her own grandchildren.

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If you have a husband he needs to step in and help also… im pregnant with twins schelduled for a csection this Saturday have to be there at 5:45 am my mom is staying the night that friday to watch my kids that morning for me so my boyfriend can be there at least the 1st night but she doesnt have younger kids …me and my brother are grown. i understand you want her to watch them there bc i am the same way our house is baby proofed …but ive also had to let my mom watch them at her house .I just brung the necessary equipment for them to be safe there… I get you have appointments that kids are not allowed to go to with covid but my boyfriend has watched our kids and ive went to my appointments i try not to rely on my mom all the time and just think that she can and will watch them every single time i need a baby sitter …I get that you help her when needed and you feel that she needs to do the same but the things you said to her are a bit harsh at least she said she would watch them and didn’t say no altogether also if you don’t want them to go to your moms is there another family member or friend that can watch them at your house …

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I think u need to be flexible and just have ur nom install a baby gate
She has your other siblings and has to continue their structure snd routine as well.
Also don’t say yes to your mom or only watch them at ur house in the future when she asks u to watch them

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If she has kids it’s reasonable she watches them at her house. Where is hubby and his family. She does have practice with crawlers
Hormones and anxiety speaking. Maybe apologize

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Your mom has two kids of her own that are on a steady schedule with school. I don’t blame her for wanting to watch your girls at her house. You are putting a condition on her watching them just like she is. Yours is that it is at your house, while hers is that it’s at her house. You asked her to watch them. If she is still willing I would let your girls go to her house.

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Think they should talk things over two sides to every story maybe the mum finds it hard to take her two children to her house and look after them kids have to go school .husband’s have to go work why not let your mum have them but give Stargate so little one doesn’t go upstairs .try to resolve between the two of you

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She is helping you out she said yes to watching your girls, she has a family at home so it is probably easier for her to watch them their, so if you don’t want to take your kids to her house then it is best for you to pay someoneto watch them at your place however it is wrong for you to be upset at her for this . I feel it’s selfish of you to ask her to take care of your kids and then be upset when she can’t because she has to take her own kids to school plus if you just asked her to do it it’s very short notice.

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I feel like there is more to the story

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You can’t expect others to have the same dependability as you do. I understand your moms not wanting to watch the kids in your home for your birth… she has kids and responsibilities of her own. Ive watched my sister-in-laws kids while she gave birth and she brought them to me. She has watched my child while I gave birth and I brought him to her.

The ulta sound thing would suck, but it wouldnt make me mad. She has children and responsibilities as well as you do :woman_shrugging:.

If you are mad about being more dependable than she is then stop doing it.

The worst thing to do is do someone favors and then turn around and say “but i did this, this, and that for them”.

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No, you’re right, and only concerned about your children’s safety! She’s self righteous! Get into a moms group sometimes support of a friend is more reliable than family❣️

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Get a baby gate! It doesn’t sound like your mother isn’t reliable. It sounds like you two have your own preferences, she has a life that she isn’t always willing and able to put on hold last minute. Just because you compromise your preferences for her doesn’t meant (and it isn’t fair to think she should be like you) she should do that for you. Sometimes people can’t drop everything when it’s last minute changes and it’s not fair to have those expectations just because you do that for her or anyone else. It’s not good to get on an “I owe you”, “you owe me” cycle because then you’re not truly doing something out of the kindness of your heart. I recommend not being taken advantage of at the same rate I say not to put your expectations on others.

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So you trust her to watch your kids in your home but not in her own. Sounds like your trying to control the situation. Bring a baby gate problem solved. Husband doesn’t need to stay after baby is born so unless you in labor over night he can be home with the kids.

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Single mum here and 37+5 with my second boy. My best friend is going to be watching my first son at her house while I give birth to my second. It’s taken most of this year to get him comfortable with staying at her house but it had to be done. I believe that you either suck it up and allow her to have your girls at her house or have your husband stay home with the girls while you give birth

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Personally i think you are in the wrong and frankly immatute to speak to n your mother that way and to punish her and your children for ypu not getting your way. I dont agree with the way you acted at all.:woman_shrugging:

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Nothing wrong with them staying at her house however not sure why she can’t watch her really quick but just take her with you. People understand. Maybe you need to stop dropping everything for her. She can figure it out. Mayne lesson the time around her of she’s gonna cut u down.

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I think you need to be flexible. Also your mom have kids I’m sure she knows how to watch them around stairs. If that is a Hugh concern. Get her a baby gate for her home. You have to learn to compromise. You can’t ask someone to bbyset and then make all the rules. I have grandkids. I watch them all the time at my home because I also have children ages 10/12/14. They have extra curriculum activities. It works better for me to have my grandkids at my home. Of course I have all the things they could ever need for them at my home also. They have clothes diapers and toys of their own at my home so it is theirs also
.

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Stop having kids if you can’t watch them women where is the father of all these children? Smh you shouldn’t even be mad at your mom she’s doing you a favor her kids are grown yours are still toddlers a great fat difference, I think she’s teaching you a grown adult lesson. And I know people are going to come at me the wrong way but that’s because they’re also in the same situation, I never knew why women like to pop so many children out if they can’t even watch them

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Give her what she gives you, which is NOTHING.

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Your mom is completely selfish! I would stop doing ANYTHING for her and see how she likes that. I have learned that family is the ones you pick not the ones that share blood. Good luck!

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Buy a baby gate for your mom’s house for when your at the hospital. And stop doing so much for your mom. People can only take advantage of you if you let them.

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You mentioned your kids would feel more comfortable at their home, she also has young children this could apply to as well. It sounds like you and your mom are both in similar phases of life which can be hard. Normally at this point your mother would be in her grandmother phase but she is also in the phase of having young children. This unfortunately takes from her grandparent abilities because like it or not her children should come first. I understand your frustration and she could help you more but you can’t blame her for setting boundaries for her own life. You are attempting to set your boundaries and are upset she doesn’t like them, she is doing the same. She isn’t abandoning you, she said she would watch your girls, she just isn’t comfortable leaving her home and responsibilities to do that. So she is adapting it into her own life.

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First, when you do things for others expecting them to do favors for you in return then get pissy when they can’t or have stipulations on it, you’re setting yourself up for unnecessary drama and over reactions. Your mother owes you absolutely nothing when it comes to child care. The very same can be said to you about her. You owe her absolutely nothing. It’s it a kind gesture? Absolutely. Is it required as a family member? Hell no. So lower your expectations. Or better yet don’t have any. Don’t keep a tally on how much you do for her.

Second, if you felt that uncomfortable about the stairs situation, you could have provided a cheap $10 baby gate from Walmart, or even brought your own or borrowed from someone. So that would have put your mind at ease. You were asking for the favor, therefore you should make it easy as possible on the person watching your children. Mother or not, stairs or not. She shouldn’t have to take her children and herself over to your house to watch your children. That’s just my preference because again, the person would be doing a huge favor for me so I’d be at most accommodating as possible. YDTA sorry not sorry🤷🏽‍♀️

Third, your emotions are all over the place. This is a completely unnecessary fight with your mom. And I feel a huge over reaction has happened.

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Beggars can’t be choosers. If her place isn’t safe then you need to find someone else. If there is no one else, buy her a baby gate for her stairs. But you can’t really dictate it or be upset as
It’s not her responsibility. You had those kids. She did not. She’s not obligated because you don’t ask for assistance any other time. Find a baby sitter.

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Well its hard to decide who’s more controlling, manipulative, or petty, but if you think you need to add inept to your moms resume because she cant keep a 1 year old from the stairs then so be it

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I have a 7 yr old. My oldest daughter is getting ready to have her 2nd. If she asked me to come watch my grandson anytime I would! She is 2 hrs away but I’d be there. I offered. And I pick my grandson up so they can have adult time together.

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Would the other grandma watch them?

Hire a sitter to stay at your house. Or have the father watch them. I have 3 kids, with my last child, my husband came for the csection and then left to stay home with the kids.

Take a baby gate to her house, it’s easier than uprooting older kids. The ultrasound, why can’t she take your kiddos with her to drop your siblings off to school?

Are you serious? Yes you are taking things the wrong way. Why does she have to leave her comfort zone to accommodate you? She said “YES” but because it’s not the way you want it you’re upset? That makes no sense. Then you have the AUDACITY to ask her can her husband do it? Where is your husband? Stop feeling entitled, and stop watching her kids as well if you feel as if she owes you!

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Call me petty or maybe just real but I would stop doing favors for her absolutely do not help her at all with anything that’s the only thing I’ve noticed help people realize just how much you do for them is when you stop. with that being said their siblings so if they ask there self and just wnat to spend time with you i obviously would but if your moms asking and cuz she has stuff to do would be a real hard no from me

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And yall crazy we dont know there situation and how her mom is sounds to me she knows her house isnt safe and dosnt wanna help and that’s exactly why she said that so she dont have to watch her grandkids but to her she can feel guilt free instead of just saying no I’m sorry I dont except anyone to watch my kids but you would think grand parents would naturally wanna spend time with them bonus points if it helps the mama out and she has important stuff to do like idk birth a whole human being sorry grew up in foster care so I have my own thoughts about “moms” I think its sick when you cant even relie on your own parents especially if you really dont and dont ask them for things or help very often they should be more then happy to when you do finally ask

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Get two gates, one for her house and for yourself. She can watch the kids with a baby gate on the stairs while you have the third. Install the second gate as a boundary for her. Stop dropping everything and be unavailable for all but medical emergencies or pre-planned visits. If it gets to the point she doesn’t want to visit or see grandkids other than “can you do this favor,” then I guess she will have to settle for Thanksgiving or Christmas only before she gets the message. Some people are like that, including family. Give as you get.

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She is your mom not a built-in babysitter. Let her watch the kids in her home where SHE is comfortable. U survived in her home for 18yrs (more or less)… Your children will be fine for a few days! Give your mom a break, ask the kids dad (or other grandparents) for help.

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I would find another relative or friend to fill in. If you go to church, ask the Pastor’s wife to suggest someone.

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Put up a gate bring them their

You’re way too emotional. You don’t want your kids to be relocated but are cool of your siblings are… mmmk. There are safety measures to help protect kids from stairs. You also never mentioned your significant other but mentioned your mom judging you as a wife. Why is it your mom you’re so dependent on? Why does some of this not fall on your husband as well? And because you took something way too personal (that was a courtesy to begin with. She doesn’t owe you anything. You’rean adult.) & told your mom to just stay away, don’t expect her to ever help you again :laughing: I honestly can’t believe you mentioned your siblings but then act like your kids are more important then get mad when your mom feels the same about hers… that arent grown adults like you.

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If your married why doesn’t dad watch them ? Or hire a sitter

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I would be upset too. That would be the last time i bent over backwards. Infact we had a roommate one time that was my bfs brother. He never even cleaned up after himself. The stress he caused put me in labor 2 weeks early and I had our daughter in the house. The very next day he was smoking in the house right next to our room. I told their mother if she didnt handle it she could expect to not meet my daughter anytime soon. 3 days affer little Avery was born she had handled it and mey her granddaughter. This is your ball. This is your court. Lay it down for her or tell her you’re done helping! You have your own family to worry about and shouldnt be stressing especially at this time. :heart: good luck mama.

I would just drop her from my life.

Prayers for you and your family :pray::pray::pray::pray: just remember you only have one Mom (wish mine was still alive) I would bend over backwards for her no matter what I felt. And I would trust her with my kids :100: % so yes you are over reacting. Yes she might not do nothing like me with my kids but she would do nothing to hurt my kids. And she didn’t get the title grandma with out doing a good job raising you and your siblings.

Don’t do nothing for the mother no more she can’t do nothing for you then when she wants to tell tell her no she’ll see how it feels one day I watch my great-granddaughter all the time

When my daughter had her 2nd I went to her house to stay with my granddaughter. I feel it’s best to keep the kids in their own home while mommy & daddy were gone