Am I the crazy one?

Just want to vent about my mom. She’s lightweight toxic AF. Always telling, complaining, talking mess.

Today I asked her if I was going to get a discount on babysitting since I was home for a week+ and I’m watching my own kids. She said and proceeded to yell at me about all the money I owed her from my car accident 3 years ago where I nearly lost my whole left hand and needed 7 surgeries in 6 months. She and I quote told me “here’s your (2yo) baby, act like we’re not here to help you and take care of her. “

She helped me shower her because I had a cast and always fresh wounds. I didn’t work for 7 months and she still wants to charge me full months pay for this time as “babysitting”

She can’t even be a grandma for free in my time of need? I almost died in this accident!

I pay her $12/hour to address post cards for my small business and she wants more. I pay her everything I can to babysit my kids and she wants a raise.

I told her I was probably going to give her cash for Christmas since I didn’t know what she wanted, she asked for $300 for a tv. When I got cashed out for my retirement plan she milked me for thousands. Even got mad I didn’t give her the down payment I promised her on the car she needed because I said I wouldn’t give her cash and just put it down on the car.

She is constantly coming into a room I’m in and kicking me out and talking shit. After I clean it for my use she comes in and leaves her mess. For me to cleanup again.

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Am I the crazy one?

wow time to move out n find a day care

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Time to get away from her!!

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I would definitely find a real babysitter. Sorry Your mom is an asshole. You shouldn’t have to pay your mom to watch her grandkids. :roll_eyes: I am appalled at people and the actions. It’s a sad world when your parents are just as grimmy as people on the streets.

Wow, let her find another job.

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not easy but find your own place and a day care

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Move out, get a babysitter and be on your own, then you can handle things the way you want.

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You give her the power to treat you that way. She sounds incredibly toxic. I wouldn’t want her around my kids to be completely honest

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Let her see what it will be like without the help you are giving her

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She is a selfish person! I’d get a new babysitter and if she doesn’t like her pay for addressing envelopes hire someone that would appreciate that job for that pay.

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Then move out and use a daycare. You will be happier and probably will have more money

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Move. Get daycare. Let her fend for herself

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It’s time for you to go. Move out, get a studio apartment, apply for assistance for daycare, and let your toxic mom live in her own misery.
We wouldn’t even visit after I left.
She’s showing you how she feels about you.

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Daughters Of Abusive Mothers
Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers 2.0
Adult children of narcissist parents & in-laws

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I am so sorry for you. It must break your heart your own momma treats you like that.if I were you I’d put as much distance between her and you as you can. I pray she wakes up and sees what she’s is doing is very hurtful to you.

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My parents have raised mine since 2 months and 1 day and is now 16 months and I’ve never paid x

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Did she drain you for thousand or is that you paying her back the money u owe her for ur car accident. So she helped u get a car but when it was ur turn to help her get a car it’s a problem….If you have retirement fund Mayb u could’ve used ur own money since it was an emergency instead of ur moms. So you have her working ur business, helping u her injured daughter, watching her granddaughter & paying the bills & borrowing money from her. Idk sounds like a good mom to me, Mayb u have her under to much pressure. Moms r human also….PS being grandma does not equal babysitting for free. My mother has never ever babysat for me and she’s a dang good grandma!

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Move out and get a babysitter. You could even get another mom to help you out, which is what I did when I worked outside of the home. It was a win-win situation for me and the mom. I knew my daughter was safe with her and she earned extra money plus her son had someone to play with. Honestly, you’d probably save money by getting someone else to do it. We’ve always agreed to a weekly rate and I’m willing to bet your mom probably charges you a ridiculous hourly rate. Also, I’d fire her and do my own postcards. Hell, I wish someone would pay me $12 an hour to address postcards.

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This is one hot mess, You didn’t say whether you live in her house, or she lives in yours!! I am sure if you were in that bad of an accident, while you were in the hospital, she took care of your child/children. And if you live with her, is it rent free or do you pay her? Or if she lives with you, does she live rent free or does she pay you rent? Maybe you should just get your own place or kick her out of yours, hire someone else to watch your kids, End of story

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All I know is if my daughter needed me, I’d be there- with or without pay, especially if she got hurt in an accident. I’m sorry that you are dealing with this but I’d personally be done with her. She doesn’t sound like a mother, but sounds like a leech

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YOU NEED TO WALK AWAY FROM HER. She sounds toxic AF

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Ummm…I’m so confused. Do grandma’s charge to babysit their grandkids? Never heard of a thing! Also, I make way more than my mom ever has but she has NEVER made me feel I owe her. I gift her things because I want too. You def have a very toxic mom and you’d feel better getting away. Think about what this is teaching your kids and the dynamics of this relationship. BREAK THE CHAIN. hire a babysitter, hire an employee, and stop conducting any and all business transactions w your mom. ALL OF IT! You’ll find peace and your kids will understand what a healthy relationship should be.

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Pay a babysitter and let your Mom be your mom and a grandmother to her grandkids. You’re paying anyway so pay another person you know you can trust. It’s too taxing to have your mother do it

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#1… babysitting everyday doesn’t allow the grandparent to be a grandparent for free or paid. #2… some young parents should be more grateful that their parents put their life on hold to help their children with their children. #3 All the babysitting mess aside… your mother does sound toxic af… and you need to move and become completely independent of her…unless she has sacrificed her income and life to take care of you and your kids… sometimes those that accuse of others of being toxic are actually the toxic ones… who pushed others into “toxic” behavior. Give your mom notice…so she can replace the income…move…and let her be a grandparent instead of a caregiver/2nd parent. Use your community resources.

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You both kinda sound toxic

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cut her off till she asks to see her grands for free she needs a new career

Wow…all I know is if my daughter needed me, I’d be there, no pay needed.

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Cut her off it’s only going to get worse trust me, I had to go back to work when my oldest was 9 months and my mother assumed I wanted her to babysit didn’t even give me the respect to choose daycare, the more money I made the more she’d charge me $700/mo,$800,900 it’s just a bad situation don’t stay in it, if ur living in her house I highly recommend u find a place of ur own seriously and know that everything will be okay but it sounds like u have to find a better situation

Why are you giving her anything. Find a real baby sitter and tell your mom to kick rocks

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Maybe you should move out

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if you do not like move then there would be no problem.

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Time to move on without her.

That’s your fault for allowing her to treat you that way. She’s using you and you know this. Stop allowing your mother to use you and stand up to her. She knows you need a sitter and that’s why she’s trying to control you. Get away and cut ties asap.

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She sounds like a Covert Narcissist/Psychopath :grimacing::flushed:

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I’d move the hell out of that house if you share housing. Cut ties and find another sitter. Wow no way would this go on if it were me no matter health wise or accident wise. Enough is enough. Use your money on you not that POS of a mother. Smh cut your losses and do for you and your kids only.

The relationship in general sounds toxic af. On both sides.

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Shame on her. Get a Nanny let mama go.

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Move out and take control of your own life as a grown woman…

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NOONE (family or not)deserves your time,love or attention if they add toxicity into your life. I will cut off ANYONE without hesitation if they bring negativity into my life. So ignore the ones saying " ooo its your mother you can’t cut her off". You most certainly can if you believe she is effecting the quality of your life negatively.

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I think you need to send your kids to actual daycare. Toxic is toxic. Family or not. You also don’t want your kids growing up seeing how she treats you because then they think it’ll be acceptable and treat you that way too. Any help from a parent is appreciated but not if it is going to cause stress and chaos

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My mother in law is extremely toxic and honestly when my husband decided to cut her out of our lives 3 years ago best thing for us. Your lives have been so much better without her. My kids never ask about her they didn’t ever want to go see her before we cut her out. They always asked if they had to go. So I have to agree with the others cut her out you will be so much better off

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Wow . What a fucked up person she is . What the hell dude .

Grow up and move out.

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She didn’t milk you, you let it happen. Yikes all over the place

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Say your prayers, ask Father to bless her and your relationship. Make positive comments on Facebook where she can see them. Avoid the contention and be uplifting in all the things you do

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Do you live with her? Stop paying her, get your own place & pay a real daycare provider to watch your child without the drama. Only thing left for her to do is be grandma.

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Sit with her and have a heart to heart. Really listen and then tell her how you are feeling. Communication solves problems.

You can solve your problem by moving out of mom’s house and finding daycare for your children. Oh and even if the child does not go to daycare you’ll still have to pay.

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Ya’ll are disgustingly quick to tell someone to walk away from their mother. Unless she’s abusive to those kids or a drug addict and putting them in harms way then this daughter needs to step up and TALK to her mother. RESPECTFULLY & like an adult! I think a CONVERSATION is a great place to start and then maybe figure out different living arrangements because BOTH mother and daughter could use a break and their own space!

Shame on every single one of you who told her to walk away from her parent. Her mother has been there in her time of need and there’s not nearly enough history in this post for anyone to say that cutting ties is the best thing here. Jeez.

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Leave, hire someone else for all jobs. She jus money hungry, using you. Sorry…

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Shame on her…I could never charge my daughter for baby sitting. Just spending time with my grand daughters is payment enough for me. That’s sad!

You pay her $12 and hour to address postcards for your small business.
You pay her for babysitting her grandchild.
You say she’s lightweight toxic AF.

How much do you pay her for rent and food, electricity etc?
And what free time or say does she get to be a grandmother, rather then your personal nanny?
And even just a mother to her daughter outside of these things you are needing from her?other then just allowing her to have her own life and be a mum and grandmother?

I would be complaining, talking mess to :persevere:
It’s called frustration.

Put your big girl panties on, go find your own place.
Stop paying her for babysitting so you can work your small business, and let her have her grandchild to spoil and one on one time and form their own bond outside of your demands (because from reading this, I’m sure you give to her, cause paying).
Paying your own way is going to cost a lot more then what paying mum in the real world for starters, you also then need to be accountable for your child in doing yourself AND your mum can be a MUM/ GRANDPARENT and also, live her own life!!!

After trying that, then you can decide if Lightweight toxic AF!

Because you both sound fallen into resentment and toxic AF from what I read.

Ps. Please take your child out of this environment before she grows up and views you and talks lil respect of you,the same way you see your mum!

:v:t3:

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Wow!! I have A LOT of grandkids…some I have a lot because their Mom manages a restaurant and their Dad is a cop on nights…I would NEVER EVER charge for keeping my babies safe from the monsters out there today! But honestly…you both have issues…why are rooms so messy you have to clean as you need in them! I’m disabled…my right hand/wrist has RSD (look THAT up) and my house is picked up always!!!

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Move out and put your kids in daycare.

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Hmmm sounds like you need to stop relying on her so much.

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You can blame it all on your mom but you’re the one not setting true boundaries

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Sounds like shes tired of helping you. You need to grow up. :person_shrugging:

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I’ve never heard of a GRANDPARENT asking for babysitting $$$ :dizzy_face:

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Sounds like Mom needs to stop babysitting her daughter and her grandkids and be able to be a grandmother on her own time. Sounds like your Mom needs to live her life and you need to find yours. You say you pay her but do you live under her roof? There so much that screams “toxic” in this post and I really don’t thinks it’s all your mother.

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Family shouldn’t be paid to babysit

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Nothing is free in life. They are your children, not hers, and she is not charging you a lot. I don’t see anything toxic about charging to babysit, you would pay a stranger anyway.

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Ah hell no!!! It sounds like y’alls relationship is based on money. Never combine money & family!!

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Do you really need such a negative person around you, ALL.THE.TIME? Please runnnnnnnnn while you still can and get yourself a new babysitter who is of sound mind and talks sense. It’s better for your own sanity.
I wish you well and hope you feel better soon. Please get rid of her asap and DONT EVER look back… good luck :heart:

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Ok not sure if you live with her or she lives in your home but either way I would find another babysitter and do your own postcards. Saves money. Personally I would just take a step back and go on with life. Your parents are suppose to be there for you no matter how old you get not charge you nickel and dime for everything. Move out get your own place and have your space

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I don’t think there’s enough information for me to agree your mom is toxic. Because a lot of what you’re saying is the same stuff one of my sisters says about our mom. She would say things about our mom not wanting to spend time with her grandkids and what a crappy grandma she is while simultaneously pawning her kids off on our mom when our mom got off of work or on her days off. My mom also went to her house most mornings before going to work to make sure my sister was up and help get her kids ready for school. She constantly bought my nieces clothing and paid a lot of my sisters bills. She paid for multiple vehicles my sister has had over the years. But if your hear any of this from her perspective our mom is a selfish pos… can you accept any blame for the situation you are in? And like others, I want to know, did your mom leech money from you or just get the money you owed her back? Do you still owe her money? You pay her like an employee and are upset she wants a raise, like an employee? You pay her because she’s your built in babysitter but her wanting a raise is not okay? I’m guessing you’re making more money and she wants to be too because it sounds like she’s your built in personal assistant, babysitter, etc. If you’re living with her, get your own place, pay a real babysitter or daycare, and hire a real employee. I’m sure you’d soon find out you were actually saving a lot of money using your mom. And if she’s living with you is it possible she wants more money to save to get her own place again because she’s also unhappy about the situation you’re both in???

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Move out get your owe place & babysitter she useing you be your Owen best friend

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Girl find your own place and stop complaining so much about your mom… babysitting it’s a job… and if your not paying rent to your mom or paying bills there. you should be ashamed to be bitching so much. You crashed her car? You should be helping her get another one… be a responsible for your actions hunny. I blame your mom for not teaching you responsibilities. that’s why you think everything sweet.

First you sound like you use your mother as your personal everything. Move out, grow up and take care of your own kids. Secondly idk what grandparent expects money to take care of their grandchildren. My MIL watches mine and her daughters children all summer. She absolutely would never expect money from us! She wouldn’t even take it if we offered. Maybe if you didn’t demand so much from your mother she wouldn’t demand compensation from you. You both sound toxic and demanding.

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Day care is $250 a week, which is 1k a month. My mortgage is $1500 a month. So just to have a house and have my daughter in daycare is $2500 a month.

Count your blessing, it’s a cold world out here.

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From the information you give and no backstory…my mother and mother in law would never ask for a dime to watch my kids…she probably needs to just go find a different job and you need to find a babysitter…also she’s your parent and parents shouldn’t ask for money from their children.

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This has me confused…Do you live with her or does she live with you?

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It’s time you leave. Like, now.

Oh, I get it.

I mean, you should be taking care of your own kids anyway. It sounds like they raise your children and expect child support in which I understand that because the kids need food, clothes, toys, a roof over their head, etc.

But I could also be wrong, I honestly don’t know your back story. How often do you have the kids? Do you live separate? Etc. So much to this story we don’t know.

If she’s just using you for your money and you are a good mother and take care of your kids most of the time without having been in a car accident and what have you, then she shouldn’t be asking for money constantly. Toxic. Find another babysitter.

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Get out if there. You are a big girl now. You can do this.

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I’d move out and find different child care.

Find a sitter…family should not be employed

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Sounds Like My Mom lol

Ummm ma’am you need to leave and not look back if you are already paying for child care find someone else to watch them and I’m a grandma of two I would never expect my daughter to pay me to watch my grandbabies especially for her to go to work

Never hire family or friends to work for you if they have no interest in the goal you’re trying to achieve.
Two, my mom wanted me to pay her too. Then would get mad at me when she’d offer her help… somehow, when she was stressed it was my fault. She’d kick my daughter out of her room so she could take phone calls too… in MY house. :roll_eyes::roll_eyes:
I say cut her off. :woman_shrugging:t4:
If she doesn’t even want to grandma for the sake of being a grandma, or mother because she’s a mother… she’s not worth your extra stress.

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Why are you still living there? Leave.

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Look into government help until you get back on your feet. They help help with food, child care, and housing. There is no way I would be dealing with my mother if she acted that way!

Time to move out of there and quit depending on her for babysitting.

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Girl. Get your own place. And hire a sitter. My mom DOESNT BABYSIT, period.

Toxic Get another sitter

I pay $700 a month for 1 kid childcare at a license facility my mom was blocked n out of our lives. There are plenty of free full day preschools here for 3 and up… Do what you need to do but dont stress yourself out sounds like daycare will be cheaper

The Sisterhood: Daughters of Narcissistic and Abusive Mothers

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Leave. Leave. Leave. She’s a ruthless mother and should be ashamed of herself

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Your mom is TOXIC for sure! I hope you can get away from her and have a happy life. :pray:

Get the hell away from your mom! I couldn’t imagine doing that to my kids and grandchildren. What a horrible mother. :disappointed:

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Daughters Of Abusive Mothers

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She is not loving or a grandmother, she seems heartless and ruthless. Self-centered and Selfish. Run

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Young one maybe it’s time to do things for yourself - licensed daycare- for starters -you should save up and move out.

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Get your own place get a regular baby sitter if available apply for assistance and housing and or babysitter and food. WIC also leave her to make it on her own.

Definitely toxic. You and your child/children shouldn’t be in that environment. I’d definitely get away from her or she’ll continue to milk you for every penny you have and cause you and your LO even more mental distress.
I’m sorry you’re not able to count on your mother to help you when you need her.

Sounds like you’re a spoiled adult child with a child you want mom to raise for free. Why don’t you tell us if you live in her home or she lives in yours? Do you pay her anything towards household expenses? Do you buy your own food? Do you help pay for taxes, insurance, upkeep? Obviously you worked out an agreement to pay her to be your live in full time babysitter. Now you complain about it? Tell us how much please so we can make an informed decision rather than withholding that amount. How else can we help if you just want to throw half truths at us? We don’t know if your mom left a job to work for you, or maybe resents having to raise her grandchild while she’s supposed to be retired and free from being pinned to her home while you work and go out to lunch with coworkers. I’m guessing you do get a lunch hour right? You don’t get one with a child at home. Childcare costs at least $250 a week and you don’t get someone who loves your child and gives them undivided attention. You think you would really like having to dress her and drive her to daycare before work and pick her up on the way home. Having a child is a responsibility. Yours NOT your moms. You have an accident and expect your mom to take care of your daughter round the clock for free? Doesn’t your baby daddy pay support so you could continue to pay for the childcare you expected your mom to do for free? Shame on you ! Sad how selfish you and so many who replied here are. How quickly they advise to remove your mom from your life and the grandchild she’s been raising for you. Something tells me you can’t make it on your own and don’t appreciate or deserve the help you get.

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She does sound toxic af but you let it go on. You don’t need a bunch of fb randos telling you it’s toxic. Do something about it. And remember two key things, don’t let family be your childcare for your working hours. Once in a while for am evening out is one thing, but you don’t want to have to depend on them. And don’t work with family. Especially if you’re a higher up or a business owner.

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You need to move out

Girl move and give her $0. U can get housing assistance daycare assistance and food stamps

Move out.

hire a high school kid to help with you small business. Pay them cash.

Do the same with a baby sister.

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