Nah you arenāt wrong for thinking what the heck, because Iām also over here thinking what the heck hahaha.
No . I reckon feeling upset is ok. He hasnāt bothered with the detail at all and it feels like heās given you a consolation prize rather than a commitment. More like a ā keep her quiet ā present .
I wouldnāt have stayed that long without talking about getting married
You did it all backward from the git go.
Wow, he didnāt even get the ring size right.
Iād be upset
You have a right to be upset and you are correct itās just a hush present. I would sit down with him and have a serious conversation about the goals for the relationship. Itās been long enough to know if he wants to marry you or not and he needs to be making them steps!
Iād love the ring. But hate the idea that after 9 years he still doesnāt know the size.
Next time heās feeling frisky give gift certificates for bowling and a dollar off on large fries then roll over and go to sleep
Is not gonna change anything 
just a certificate saying youāre married
Other than that yāall lives will be the sameā¦
Marriage isnāt for everyone. Maybe he doesnāt need a piece of paper to show he loves you & committed to you? The promise ring could be his way of comprising with you.
Sounds to me like you might be right! You have already decided how this relationship is going to end. Do something about it. Donāt waste anymore time wanting to be married to him. Make your decision and then go. There is such a thing as falling out of love or losing interest because someone waited to long to act. I think your boyfriend canāt see the forest for the trees.
Yeah, should be a engagement, ring idk Iād be upset. Whatās the hold up? Ask him, my husband knows my ring size he did when we were dating. Tell him how you feel.
He gave you an āItās been 9 years and 2 children, and Iām still not ready to commit ringā
If he respects loves and supports youā¦I canāt see the issueā¦go arrange the right ring size and enjoy itā¦count your blessingsā¦and keep moving forwardā¦seeing so many failing relationships ā¦and how each partner is mistreatedā¦if you think its an issue voice your worries but donāt make a big issueā¦being there for you is priceless
You settled for less when you moved in with him and had his kids without the commitment. So now he probably thinks whatās the point you guys are basically married without it being official
Iād be upset first that the size is wrong. Like, DUH. Then Iād be upset if youāre going to make a gesture after nine years itās a promise rather than engagement.
Your feelings are definitely validated. Heād be better off not doing it at all in my opinion.
then you buy a ring for him and say this is the date we getting married
Yeah a promise ring is really silly at this point. But 
obviously he isnāt ready for marriage and he is telling you that with this ring. I would stop playing house and playing wife if you want marriage. If heās not ready now he wonāt be.
I recieved a promise ring at 16 years of age from my boyfriend (which I did marry at seveneenā¦But in your situation yehā¦not saying much
Just organise a surprise weddingā¦heās just being lazyā¦
Iāve been with my significant other going on 7 years. He got me a promise ring at 4 months and we got engaged after being together 4 years. We still havenāt set a date or even thought about planning a wedding. It used to bug me that we werenāt jumping into planning but now I see it as we do everything like we are married. Weāve both been through marriages and divorces horrible ones. So I really just feel like we are content and donāt put any pressure on each other. He wears his promise ring around his neck every day and has since he gave me mine. Marriage is and can be a wonderful thing but itās not everything to us. Being happy and being together and having our family is what we focus on.
9 years?? Youāve been put off 6-7 years tooooo long. Thereās no future there. The ring is a pacifier, to keep you quiet. Youāre upset about the wrong thing. Youāre still young enough to have a relationship with someone who is willing to take care of you and your children for the rest of your life you deserve far better
He donāt want to be with you. Itās something there where he donāt wanna commit for a reason .
Some man are like thatā¦ they just donāt get it right
Not ok. If marriage is something you want heās moving at the slowest pace ever. A promise ring at this point in your relationship is honestly sad. Youāre 100% justified to feel disappointed and honestly disrespected by the lack of effort in even getting it sized. It definitely feels like a way to get the heat off of him or a way to continue putting off a proposal or marriage.
You see the problem is you gave yourself away without a commitment already so he feels itās okay youāll settle for less you know the old story why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free I still donāt understand why women keep putting themselves in this position
6 years not married or engaged.
Well guys have 1 track minds,plus if he bought it by himself with no help, yeah,I think he may be thinking he bought you what u wantedā¦
If he wanted to marry you, he wouldāve by now. Im sorry. 
I didnāt get married until we had dated for 10 years. We just were not ready or mature enough. He proposed several times, several rings etc. We just needed to go through the ups and downs and life before we really were ready.
Leave. You arenāt on the same page, wanting different things.
Donāt rush it , I know 9 years is a long time plus with kidās but sometimes itās better to wait a little longer even tho 9+yearās is a long time. Some people still donāt make it even after being together that long. He might be waiting a little longer to make sure yāall make it ā¦ yes , I do agree a engagement ring should of come instead of a promise ring , he might want to make you the promise he isnāt going nowheres after that long but again some donāt make itā¦
I donāt think your wrong. I feel like you have every right to feel the way you do. Truthfully men can talk about what sounds good but canāt put it into action. I think talking to him about this āpromise ringāand how irrelevant it is to your current relationship is the way to go.
He just may never be ready for the final step of committment
Keep it on your thumb. Tell him you are saving your ring finger for your wedding band. I would definitely get a future plan. Especially after 2 kids. Maybe he is playing it safe to avoid child support.
I am 50 and he is 53. He gave me his class ring after 6 months. I love it. No girl has ever been able to wear it. He loves me.
A promise ring at 9 years??? Well that means engagement at 9 more and marriage at another 9 years. Girl you got another 18 more years, Your almost thereš
My so and his ex wife married early a year of dating and married , 4 kidās later & was together 11 yearās and divorced. Been spilt up for almost 9 yearās.
A promise ring seems almost insulting after 9ys, not saying you should get engaged clearly but imo heās juvenile, just a regular gift would have been better
Promise rings are honestly more for high schoolers or people in their younger 20s (not trying to be rude to anyone with promise rings, theyāre just more for people who arenāt at an older age who are ready to 100% settle down).
The fact that youāve been together so long and have kids, and he hasnāt proposed yet, he honestly might never. Thatās a very long time to be with someone especially at such a mature age and not be engaged.
Iād feel like I was wasting my life, Iām sorry. 
May he is not ready to be married yet but āpromisesā to be with you and intend to marry you in the future( kinda what the promise ring means). If you are ready for marriage and he isnāt, then there has been lack of communication by the both if you. So I totally canāt support you here
If youāre willing to give the milk for free why would anyone buy the cow? Proly something you shoulda thought of before giving him all the benefits of marriage without the legal commitment 
Omg These comments are killing me I understand the hurt you are feeling by getting a āpromise ringā I mean at this point you guys are far beyond promising anything. But take a step back and look at your relationship. Before he gave you the ring were you happy? What were your long term plans? Have you talked about marriage? Is marriage something you both truly want? He may not want to get married and feared if he gave you an engagement ring that means you need to start planning a wedding he doesnāt want. That doesnāt mean he doesnāt want to be with you! I have been with my fiancĆ© for 15 years! We are not married and have no plans to be. He did propose 12 years ago but that was more to seal the deal. We talked about that and how I wanted him to at least propose to me so he did. Maybe thatās an option for you but you both need to communicate. I donāt think getting a promise ring means you need to end your relationship. I think you both just need to communicate your expectations if you havenāt already done so. In the meantime I would proudly wear that promise ring as he picked it out for you! 
I donāt think there is any right or wrong timeframe there is only what YOU are willing to be happy with and if after 9 years you need more & he simply will not and does not want the same then itās time to sit down together and evaluate your happiness. Iāve been with my BF for 9 years too, no ring of any kind and we donāt even live together. But Iām not pushing it because what we have works for us and Iām happy. If the day ever comes when that arrangement no longer works and heās unwilling to change or compromise then a different conversation will be had. Do what makes you happy and damn the social ānormsā.
When a man wants to spend the rest of his life with you it doesnāt take 9+ years to show it. Find someone who loves you and WANTS to commit to you!
Why do women feel the ultimate goal is for a man to marry her?
Marriage is overrated.
I dated for one year then got engaged.
Was engaged for a year then got married - was married for a few years before I realised marriage was the pits and I left - life has been amazing ever since!!!
Currently happily dating for 7 years - having our second (& last) baby soon
My partner gave me a ring after about 18 months of dating - I made him wait for a wedding.
If it were up to him we would have been married a few months after the engagement.
If he wanted to marry you he would have done so by now.
Donāt be upset - thereās one of two ways to react.
I donāt see a problem either way.
Just remember you are more than complete as a women without a ring or marriage.
Youāre a mother and that trumps everything else.
After two kids and no ring - itās more than him being unable to commit to your relationship - thatās all on him & nothing to do with you at all.
Iād honestly be upset to.
Why would he propose when you have already given him a wife? Its plain and simple Hun, if he wanted to he would, men arenāt that complicated sorry.
Are you sure he wants to actually get married on paper? I mean, what are you waiting for? Youāre talking about future plans but heās 45. The time is now lol.
Iām sorry but my partner and I was getting married in 2016 but I ended it. It was stressful and plus just having a baby I couldnāt do it but now i still hate the idea of marriage 
I would love to just get engaged and end it there
A promise ring is something teenagers get their little gf. Kiddy shit.
That is incredibly insulting. I have no words.
Heās pretty old. If heās not ready to commit and get married then idk what else youāre waiting for. Youāve given him a decade of your life. Your precious 20s. And 2 kids.
Honestly I would look upon it as a cocktail ring. Promise rings to me are for high school and early college dating culture. Itās like making a promise to someone before youāre too young to actually get engaged sort of thing. So just wear it as a little Glam bobble
Sweetheart, be thankful you have your guy and that he bought you a ring. My husband and I have hit a rough patch and we werenāt together for Christmas and most likely wonāt be together for the new year. You are blessed and you donāt even see it.
Why not open up and let him know how you feel?
You mentioned talking plans, future and all, these are centered on what?
Married life or live in lovers
Sort it out and make a decision.
If itās important to you to get married why not tell him that? I told my husband when I was ready to get married and we started planning.
You have every right to be upset. I mean, youāve been together for 9 years and have 2 children together. Heās either not fully committed to this relationship, or heās afraid of marriage.
Marriage is overrated. A ring does not mean anything.
His actions do.
I gave my husband 4 years to propose. Finallyā¦two months after dating 4 yearsā¦told him we are marrying or Iām gone. Not wasting anymore time. We got married 3 months later. Lol. Put your foot down. 8 years is a long time to wait for just a promise ringā¦
Sounds like itās time to have a serious conversation with him to find out where heās at. Only he knows 
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If you want to get married tell him that. Have a serious talk with him about it. At this point he probably seeās no reason to get married cause you already live together and have kids. Does he not want the final commitment of a marriage?
You can be committed without getting married.
Legally itās a convenient thing to have though
Itās been 9 years. Why the ring? You already giving him everything he wants
Clearly ur partner isnāt there for some reason talk need happen ,if u work out his issues , u ask him
If he aināt ready after 8 years, he has no intention of getting married.
Yeah I feel like heās too grown to be giving out promise rings 
you have a whole family. a promise ring seems more high school to me idk
So my spouse and I have 2 daughters, been together 16 years with no plan of getting married. Neither of us want a piece of paper. We have each other, we bought our very first house 3 years ago, in both our names. Have a joint account and everything like a married couple. We are happy with it. He has given me 2 rings over this course, not promise rings. He did it because he wanted too and it was a big step for him too. Not everything has to be on paper. But I would talk to him, for the soul fact it was in your conversation about the future and heās not going forward with it. That is concerning.
Just because you want to get married doesnāt mean he doesā¦ talk with him and ask him what his feeling about the situation is and tell him you want more, if he doesnāt want to get married you may have to be happy with how it is.
You both have to ready for marriage you are not wrong for feeling the way you do but you canāt be mad at him for not being ready to get married. It took me 8 years to be ready to marry my husband. We were already living together but for me marriage was a big step. I am happy my husband was patient with me and waited until I told him I was finally ready.
Think about why the marriage itself is so important and then have the discussion with your SO to see if he thinks itās as important as you do and why you two may not see eye to eye
He obviously does not. So leave
Check with an attorney - common-law marriage ???
Shouldve been an engagement ring to be honestā¦ You arenāt wrong in feeling that way especially if you want to get married.
My parents got engaged when I was 7. Im now 30 and they have just gotten engaged againā¦ Idk, i expected a wedding but
Seems like you need new partner, or someone who actually will commit. After 9 years and two kids. Nothing seems like it will be more.
A promise ring lmao thatās for junior high. He needs to man up and marry you.
Youāll never be good enoughā¦ he doesnāt want to be married to you
Agree thatās a cheap shot , sorry
He doesnāt want to marry you.
Doesnāt sound like he wants to get married.
Does he help with the kids? Does he have a job? Does he love you respect you generally care about and the kids? If so itās been 8 plus years to be that a Commitment
You donāt need a legal piece of paper stating you love one another!
If he treats you good and you love him, donāt force him or give him an ultimatum. Iāve seen many miserable men forced into marriage. If you didnāt have so much invested Iād tell you to walk away but why break up a happy home and put your kids through all that trauma? I firmly do not believe that marriage is just a piece of paper thatās why I donāt feel someone should be pressured into it.
Promise rings are for junior highā¦ not adults.
Thing is, youāre already living like youāre married.
In the nicest way possible you need ask what it is he was promising on Christmas that he wasnāt already promising the last 9 yrs. Make him explain the stupidity.
He donāt wanna be married.
Sounds like heās already married 
I personally think promise rings are childish. I.e. for high school/college students. But to each their own. I would have to agree with you though
Sounds like heās pretty content with u just being a girlfriend that he just has kids with and lives with
Definitely at a point and level not to have been giving a promise ring.
Maybe he doesnāt want to marry you yet, maybe he aināt ready! Donāt force him to do something he doesnāt want to do
I know men donāt think or plan like us women do, which is why they really need to talk to their sisters/our sisters/female cousins/aunts/moms/whotheFever before doing any ring shopping!!! IMO, he should have purchased it sooner to have it sized in time to give it to you as a Christmas giftā¦or had it sized in time for Valentines Day. Take the ring to the retailer tomorrow, should take a week for them to size it. A promise ring is a promise that the engagement ring is coming. Whether itās a stackable set and the engagement ring and wedding band will all be worn together with it/he is waiting for a financial deal to close/the perfect moment (an upcoming trip/visit from relatives that live long distance/your anniversary ect) you donāt really know what he is up to. If nothing has happened by the 10 year mark I would ask him to sit down and talk about the future with you. If he is not ready ask him how he feels about you legally changing your last name to his so that you can have the same last name as your kids before they realize the difference and what it means. That may nudge him towards marriage quickly.
Everyone here should Google the purpose of promise rings because youāre all misā¦misā¦mistaken/misconstrued/misinformed/miserable and giving the wrong information about promise rings.
Good luck to the OP
You are not wrong, promise rings are for kids who are still at school,you guys are parentās and by now he is supposed to know whether he wants to marry you or not šµāš«šµāš«šµāš«
Going to have to take what you got from this guyā¦ cause he isnāt offering any more then what you haveā¦a lick and a promiseā¦
He may have a different idea of a long term relationship. Maybe yāall should discuss what that looks like to your both? It took my cousin 9 years to marry her SO and it seems to be worth it for them. š¤·š»
Girl you better give him a promise meal, a promise fuck, and some promise head lol thatās crazyā¦ is he missing some screws??
Itās the 21st century 90% of couples i know i have been living together, have had kids together for 6/7 plus years, and arenāt married.
Itās not what it used to be anymore.
If heās stayed with you an been faithful and a decent guy for all this time. Why should it even matter
9 years in and he gives you a promise ring? That man has no intention on marrying you.