sounds like he doesn’t care about you you’re a house keeper too him food and sex as long as he has that and a roof he’s not going too it should have been like 9 tears ago he’s trying too be a bachelor go out do what you want type
Does he know what a promise ring is?
Maybe he thinks it’s something different.
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You’re not wrong. Promise rings are just “shut up” rings once you’re an adult. He doesn’t want to marry you. Time to reassess
Sounds like a step backwards…
Jeezo either appreciate it ans maybe he thought it was anegagment ring
Or talk to him about it jeez
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Yeah, that’s some bullshit.
My hs bf bought me a promise ring. He were together for 8 years. 4 of those years were in hs. He rented to get married after hs but he wanted a courthouse wedding and I don’t do that so we never got married and I left him. Then my next bf also bought me a promise ring. He was 21 and I was 23 and I thought it was stupid. Hello were adults now. You don’t buy promise rings when your an adult. But he bought it cuz my bf before him did and he was trying to copy him. And I just thought the whole thing was stupid. When he did it cuz we’re adults now.
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Maybe he didn’t have enough to cover cost of an actual engagement ring, but that one means just as much to him.
Never become a mother, before you become a wife!!
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You’ve had a whole life & kids and now you’re upset about the marriage thing??? You’ve been fine with living and having children like this for this long I would just be upset if I wasn’t happy anymore. Everything is going fine between you together and the children and the whole dynamic of it the both of you have been married just without a formal piece of paper. Should have had that discussion plenty of years ago before you got to this point. I just don’t see the point in being mad now.
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after 9 years if he hasn’t proposed and set a date it’s doubtful that is on his agenda
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Loose some weight it’ll fit your ring finger I guess 
Go change ur last name to his maybe he doesn’t want the legal fees who knowsssss
Be patient some men are different when it comes to that I been with mine for 10years and and have kids he proposed to me this year it will come don’t cross it off yet that it wont happen it still could
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Now days there is no set order to getting married and having children like there were in my day. But if it bothers you that much maybe you should have put your ducks in order from the get go and not wait almost 9 years to rearrange the order of which you feel events should go from first to last. Maybe you could look at the promise ring as just promise to buy you a bigger and better ring in the near future. 
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I’ve been with my partner for nearly 15 years. He’s38 and I’m 34 
he has never been completely into the whole marriage thing where as I always knew I wanted to get married. I made it quite clear for years that it was important to me. We are getting married next year, he did eventually propose 5 years ago but by then I already knew he loved me. Would I have been upset if it didn’t happen, yeah a bit because it is something I always thought I would do. Would I left him if it hadn’t have happened? Nope. you have a right to be upset if it is important to you but have to also understand that what might be important to you isn’t to him xx
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You’re already living a married life. Why is it important to have the piece of paper. Worst mistake ever getting married. You give up half your rights to your children when you sign that paper. I have to worry so much more about my ex husband trying to keep his kids then my oldest sons dad who I never married because he doesn’t have as much rights.
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Your not wrong but your not right you can be upset but maybe it’s something he doesn’t want? Sit down & talk to him we can all give our opinion or advise but he’s the 1 you want to marry so maybe talk to him 
Personally I wouldn’t want to get married I’ve been with my kids dad nearly 10 years we have 5 children have built our whole life together & I still wouldn’t marry him for a lot of different reasons but ultimately marriage isn’t for everyone
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I mean it’s a lovely gift and I wouldn’t be upset exactly because at least you got something, but after 9 years I would be expecting an engagement ring!
It’s ridiculous and pathetic don’t be upset over that 
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Ask him to marry you !
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If it’s working leave it alone
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Marriage should of been discussed in the beginning before moving in together and having kids. If it wasn’t then you can’t be upset with him and if it was and he just ignored it then it should of been dealt with before it hit 9 years and two kids. As far as the ring go get it sized if you can. My boyfriend gave me a ring knowing I have no intentions of getting married and it’s too big. It has to go down two sizes which can’t be done because of the setting so I wear a ring guard on it. You can be upset because anything you feel is valid but at this point all you can do is try to be happy with the family you have made or throw it all away over a piece of paper
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People will treat you how you let them.
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Simply a miscommunication lovely. Sit down and talk to your man, he may not know you feel this way. Men can be dumb like that.
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Have y’all ever talked about marriage or getting engaged? Maybe he doesn’t know what u want so he isn’t sure if he should ask. Just because y’all moved in together and had kids doesn’t mean he wants to get married. It should have been made clear from the jump. Of course any man who’s living with his woman and has children with her isn’t gunna be in a rush to get married, especially if it’s never been established for sure. Beating around the bush doesn’t count cuz a majority of the time men aren’t the brightest crayon in the crayola box. Lol
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Well question are you one of those women who believe a man should spend 2 months of income on a ring? Maybe he doesn’t have the money saved up for it yet but wanted to show that he is trying?
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Me and my bf have been together for almost 4 years. I’ve established I want to get married but Ive also established I’m not in a rush, I haven’t gotten a promise ring or an engagement ring but I’m not mad about it. When it’s time it will happen.
I was the same my husband wanted marriage so bad, I didn’t!! 3 kids. 6 years together and married almost 2 years, when the time is right it will happen, I wouldn’t throw 9 years away, sometimes people just aren’t ready. Some might not ever be ready. You don’t need a certificate to tell you it’s forever ! When it’s real, it’s forever 
#marriedornot
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Be patient it will come he probably isn’t ready yet
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He don’t feel the need to buy the cow when he’s getting the milk for free.
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You’ve accepted it this long…why not another 9-10 years? You’ve accepted having children and not being married, so why would he commit now?
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I just don’t understand this. I know love sometimes clouds our reality but why would you waste years of your young life (that you will NEVER get back) waiting on someone while having doubts of their intentions? It just seems so silly to me. I don’t know your relationship my opinion is based off what you told us, but girl you’re 30 yrs old! You’ve got so much life to live and love to be given. He’s 45 years old what is he holding off for?
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You need to discuss marriage or prepare to be his common law person
Why do we have to get married!!??? I know the white dress and the title are something that some look forward to, but it’s like society pushes it. I don’t know if I’ll be someone’s wife, but I don’t care either lol
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Every woman wants the stability of the wedding day happening its our fairytale, some don’t but maybe u should talk to him and express ur feelings coz after 9 yrs n u get a promise ring that’s BS
You already are married by common law n most states.
Does he cheat? Does he abuse you? Does he do drugs? Does he show you he loves you? Does he support you and your children. Is he good with the kids?
Those are the things that are important not the size of ring.
It sounds like you are unhappy. Move out if this isn’t what you want.
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He is ridiculous give the ring back and tell him to be serious
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He gave you a promise ring and that’s ok, it’s also ok to feel the way you do. Some people don’t want to get married and that’s ok. What’s not ok is trying to pressure someone to marry them when they dont want to.
I’ll never get married again. It’s not that i don’t love him but its just too big of a hassle when nothings going to change but your last name, ss card and drivers/id card. Good luck
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Honestly some men don’t want to get married, but hey give him some credit it’s going towards that direction. Men feel it’s just a piece of paper and men feel once their married they are stuck or they might lose their money somehow- keep reminding him how u want to have his name one day maybe that will work?
Oh hell no!!! Together for 9 years and ya’ll are claiming he doesn’t know what she wants??? Did you even read the post??? He couldn’t even bother to buy her a ring that actually FITS her??? Sounds like he doesn’t wanna marry her and he gave her a ring that he bought for someone else to shut her up about it!!! After 9 years and all that… you have every right to be angry, upset, sad disappointed!!! I wouldn’t blame you if you kicked his ass out!!! He should at least know your ring size after 9 years… he gave you a ring he bought for someone else FFS!!!
Nothing wrong with wanting traditional values. My husband and I got married at 18 and been together going on 6 years now. If a man really wants to he will. My advice would be to sit down and discuss with him if you guys are on the same page or not because if you want a marriage and he doesn’t then you have to ask yourself “am I willing to only be a girlfriend the rest of my life?” If the answer is no then you will have to sit down and explain to him that you’re visions of the future don’t line up and that you should both go your separate ways. I know people are saying if it works why b*tch but honestly if you don’t get blunt you’re only going to grow to resent him because despite loving him if you both want different things and there isn’t any compromise it’s just not going to get better.
Its time for the conversation. He gave you a promise ring . Well sit him down and say what are you promising with this ring. What are our future plans and goals. Is this a promise we will take the next step and if so when. If he says he doesn’t know I’d be saying seeya cause if he doesn’t know what he wants by 45 he never will. If marriage is important to you then be with someone who also values it.
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I am curious how many of the people replying are/have been in a long lasting relationship. (Long meaning ten years or more.)
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They have no intention of getting married especially if you said you have talked about it. This is just to string you along more.
It’s past time you guys both had a talk about what the future holds and what he wants from it as well.
If he can give you a promise ring, he can give you an engagement ring. Like 9yrs and 2 kids in what is he exactly promising? I would definitely be having a conversation about this and what you are wanting from the relationship.
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Yes a promise ring is expected in the first year or too but he Cleary isn’t ready for marriage I remb one of mine saying if you give me a child marriage will happen the child arrived I reminded him and he told me it was a joke lol belive me I learned that was the only truthful thing he said
he isn’t gonna marry u…
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After 9.5 years and 2 kids I finally just got an engagement ring but if it were a promise ring I probably would have flipped my lid 
you definitely aren’t wrong to feel the way you do
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If you wanted engagement and marriage, you really shouldn’t have had his children first. Why would he bother now? 
He has it all without that commitment.
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He’s never going to get around to marrying you hun
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Other than the fact youre not married…
Are you happy together ? Does he treat you well ?
Marriage used to bring commitment in a relationship. People worked at it and stayed together…sadly marriage no longer brings that commitment.
If you’re looking for security perhaps a legal couples agreement would help…who gets what if the relationship falls apart…
Youve already talked about getting married and haven’t followed that up. I think a serious conversation is many years overdue tbh. Maybe he feels youre OK as you are and doesn’t realise how strongly you feel because you’ve accepted the situation for so long .
A promise ring is inappropriate after all this time imo .
Sit down with him and talk. If he doesn’t want to take that final step…are you willing to continue as you are.
If hes a good partner and father …is marriage important enough to you to give up on that
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Thing is most women want marriage but don’t admit it. They pretend to be okay with the live in woman situation and the years pass and then they get angry that they’re common law instead of legally wed. That’s on the woman. As the woman you settled and waited hoping he would be marry you one day but one day turned into 5 plus years. It’s not his fault that the woman in his life didn’t state her goals and expectations. Most women keep quiet in fear of losing the man but then lose themself. When years have passed and you’ve finally realized that the only person you can truly be upset with is yourself.
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You teach people how to treat you. Dont get mad. Just start packing your stuff. Be serious! Find a place to go and LEAVE! If he wanted you he would commit to marriage. No use in wasting your time. And no use in giving him an ultimatum. Just simply move on and find someone who can’t wait to marry you. Some people will say marriage is just a piece of paper. It’s not.
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of course it’s an age gap relationship
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I know someone who got married to her man after 30 years so I mean u never know maybe he wants to see how u react… I wanna marr y my man we been together a little over a year but a lot of people think it’s just a piece of paper
I’d be a little upset too. After nine years together you should be getting an engagement ring not a promise ring. Be honest and tell him that. Did you get treated the way you allow yourself to be treated. Don’t allow it.
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JUST ask him do he ever plan on marrying you. Why would you wear a ring that’s to BIG. He knew he wasn’t going to propose. After, 9 years two kids and he’s damn near 50. Get your own place for you and the children. Let him, play games with his self
Shit or get off the pot… most men know within months of dating who they marry. Some just keep ya around till they feel something better comes along (cause they are afraid to be alone) or some stay because they knocked you up… hell that ain’t healthy either… cause woman can be as**oles too when it comes to being mad and not letting the man be involved w said kids.
If marriage is a serious goal for you, he’s probably not the one. Most married men knew within the first year or so into a relationship if they are at least thinking about marriage with that person—there’s actual research / statistics on this. However, marriage may not be for everyone either. There’s no right or wrong way to live your life if you’re happy. For you, the questions are, do you want to continue to live it with him if marriage really is an important goal to you? Or are you content enough to be in this relationship, potentially the rest of your life, without that title? 
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I dated my now husband for 4 years before he proposed. We were engaged another 4 years before we got married. I wanted to finish college before we got married. Sit down and talk to him.
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Marriage isn’t as serious to everyone.
My “fiancé” and I have been together for 7 years. He proposed after dating 5 months and we still have no plan for a government wedding.
To us we know we have chosen each other for life partners and don’t feel like we need to get the government in our bed to solidify anything and it works for us.
Obviously that doesn’t work for you but the reason I mention this is maybe your partner doesn’t see marriage as important as you do so maybe have that convo and check in with him.
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I know people with 3 kids together for 10 years and still aren’t married… yet I met my husband in 2016, we started dating in 2018, got married in 2019, had a baby in 2020. And we’re still going strong. You’re basically common law married after living together that long anyway.
I would be insulted if I got a promise ring your a grown woman with kids 2 of them his you guys are a little past promise rings 
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I dated my fiancé for 10 years before he proposed.
He finally asked this year 12/26/2021 and I absolutely said yes! Marriage has always been a topic, however both of us have been married and divorced and it left a bit of a sour taste for us, so it took some time, but here we are, 10 years later 2 kids 17b and 8g, the 17 year old is my son from my previous marriage and our 8 year is our shared biological daughter.
If marriage is your goal, be vocal about it. Tell him. Sometimes even an ultimatum is something that has to be given.
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So I am gonna throw this out there. If you wanna get married then talk to him and if he says he does to then why wait for him to ask. Why don’t you ask? I know it’s not conventional but I asked my husband. I knew he loved me and I hoped he would say yes, but I knew he was the man I wanted to grow old with. He’s my best friend. So I asked him to marry me. We got married last year.
He’s 45 not 18……a promise ring is childish, you are two grown adults with children. Step up or step out
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you two have been together for almost 9 yrs & have two kids together, if you two haven’t married by now, I really don’t think it’s very happen, But I will say, being together for almost 9 yrs & if you are very happy together, even if you two aren’t married, let it be. If he loves you, cares for you, treats you & the kids well, let it go, Because I don’t think he is going to marry you. I know a woman who has been with her boyfriend for over 26 yrs, They are very happy, own their home, together, have 4 beautiful kids, 2 in college, yet not married, I asked her why & she told me, it works well this way. he’s home every night, he works & has had the same job for over 25 yrs, helps with the cleaning, cooking, cleaning & kids thru out the yrs & it works, so why get married??? She had a good point I also knew another couple who lived together for over 25 yrs, decided to married & divorce within a yr. So in other words, if it is working, let it go. Be happy & love your life
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Promise Rings are a huge ass red flag!
I would definitely communicate how you feel about it and how strongly you would like to be married.
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Maybe he has a plan.
You never know.
A promise ring is a good sign.
Some people need longer. That’s just life we ain’t all made the same otherwise life would be boring.
Be happy and good luck
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I’m with you on this. He should have formally proposed! A promise ring is for children. It’s actually sad ge did this to you I can only imagine the excitement you felt for a split second then the crushing disappointment. He needs to grow up and do right by you. If he cannot do that on hos own without being asked to or told to … then you have yourself a bigger problem.
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If marriage is just a piece of paper, then so is money and people work hard for that every day
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I don’t understand women that are with men, not married, and continue to have children out of wedlock. Then they complain. You knew what you were getting into. Stop complaining.
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I’ve been going through an endless cycle of “let’s get married” for 8 years I’ve been givin 2 engagement rings but still nothing. I’m finally to the point where I really don’t want to marry him anymore BC why? Why legally bind myself to someone who WONT commit to me. We can be together but legally bind together after 8 years of “let’s do it” but don’t. Naw
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My husband proposed after 6 months. 2 weeks after our 1 year anniversary we got married. We renewed our vows over the summer for our 10th wedding anniversary. Next month will be 12 years together and 11 years married. My stepson and his now fiance met when he was 16 she was 23. She got pregnant almost a year later, stepson left during for 8 months of her pregnancy and got back with her when our granddaughter was born. He will be 21 in April, she just turned 28 and their daughter will be 3 8 days before I turn 34 in March. They got engaged on her birthday last year and the wedding is set for September 2022. In stepsons case age is a factor, on how long it all took, she was kind of hinting she wanted to be engaged and married before the age of 29 or 30. I was 21 when we met (2 months from me turning 22). My husband was 29 when we met. I wasn’t expecting a proposal I never brought it up. The only thing I said in a quick moment was I’d want the person who wanted to marry me to ask my dad, that conversation came up because he said his friend was going to propose and wanted ideas of what to do and if he should actually ask her dad or if it was too old fashioned to do that.
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Communicate with him. Tell him how you feel and that you want to get married. My husband and I were together for 10 years before we got married.
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I am 37, been in 2 long relationships. The first one was 12 years and we had 2 kids together. My current relationship we have been together 7 years and have 1 child together. I have never been married. We are definitely committed to each other and he is my best friend. From my stand point getting married has never been a huge goal of mine if that makes sense lol.
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Marriage is what you make it, it goes way beyond that piece of paper.
Your living together, having kids. basically married.
If you want it to be official talk to him, sit down and have a real conversation.
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Ive been with my man 8 yrs now weve got 3 kids 2 are ours and one is my step daughter who we are raising without the help of her mother… i guess its just different for everyone
This boi is middle aged and giving promise rings like we’re still in middle school… If marriage is your end game here, it’s past time to play with someone else because even if this guy DOES eventually figure himself out, it’ll be more caving to your pressure than any desire to marry you and likely will show the vows the same disrespect he’s showing you.
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On one hand yes I would be insulted to receive a promise ring at my age on the other if he is putting off engagement and marriage than I wouldn’t want it. If he’s going in with doubts or being dragged down the isle he may not be right. Maybe he’s not right for you or just not a fan of marriage. You’d have to decide that and if that’s something you’re willing to live with or not.
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To men, I don’t think marriage is important. Maybe express to him what marriage means to you, what the whole thing signifies. Then ask him if he feels the same and don’t be offended if he said its a waste of time. Some men find its all a bit theatrical and not worth it. Explain that whilst you’re relationship is amazing and you love him dearly, a part of you feels that final piece is missing and would he be willing to get married? Not for the wedding, but to be husband and wife. If its not something you can agree on (I don’t see why it wouldn’t be but just in case) then it’s maybe worth delving deeper into why it means so little to him but why it means so much to you, explain those reasons to each other for some mutual understanding but don’t let it turn into an argument. Talk it out, get all the feelings out and take it from there. Best of luck!!!
I definitely believe it depends on the guy… I strictly dated my husband for 2 years as I had a son from a previous relationship. I didn’t want anyone to come around him just yet. My husband was very consistent and made it clear what he wanted I would consider us dating and just dating not as boyfriend and girlfriend and when we speak about it now he said he seen us as boyfriend and girlfriend lol. Well a year of being actual boyfriend and girlfriend I let him know my end goals which was marriage and if he wasn’t on board that’s perfectly fine nothing wrong with it but we didn’t have the same end goal so we probably shouldn’t be together. He ended up saying he wanted to get married and we got engaged earlier this year in May and then married in July. This definitely won’t be everyone’s situation but I made it very clear on what I wanted and what my interests were for later in life.
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Communicate with him …ask him if marriage is something he is going to want or not … personally Iv been with my SO for 7 yrs and I know marriage isn’t something we don’t want . He doesn’t want to get married period and Iv been married and divorced and just don’t want to do it again…we knew it’s not something we want…a promise ring to him may be a huge thing…and not so small gesture then again it could be a way to avoid the marriage hype…but you will only know if you communicate with this man on his thoughts of marriage and if it’s something he would consider for yals future or not…not to sound mean but men are the kind that has to be directed on the how to with women…some men get hints…some men have no clue and other just aren’t sure due to thinking your not sure…you really do have to communicate with men and not beat around the bush…you want marriage or if it’s possible for marriage…ask him…straight up…be on the same page…heck the promise ring may have been just to see if you’d except…and you can get the ring size adjusted…I got an engagement ring done at Walmart for $45 dollars…it took a couple days but the ring fit…that was also 11 yrs ago the price may or may not be the same but you can get it sized or whatever…but communicate with your man on what you want and what he wants…that way your on the same page together…and the promise ring is sweet…to him it was prob a big deal…if your happy and he is great just communicate but don’t turn it into an issue and ruin all you have…I know marriage isn’t something I want or my significant other wants so its not something I push…or ruin our perfectly good home,family and relationship over…besides your already playing the part of marriage so why ruin it for a piece of paper esp if your haven’t even talked to him yet about it…good luck…and always always communicate with your partner…it’s amazing to be on the same page on your relationship with your partner…
If he would want to marry you he would have proposed already. Promise ring? Is he a teenager? And plus doesn’t even fit you! Like does he know you? I’d be beyond upset
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Tell him you need to have the promise ring sized have him go with you maybe he’ll get the message.
You are married in God’s eyes and by common law. Isn’t great to be liberated. You have all the work and no benefits. He has all the benefits and no responsibility or accountability. No wonder he’s not eager to speed things up.
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Wow all those years and kids yet you are not married? I would have left already. Then again I don’t ever want to get married again after seeing how badly men change. Then again woman change as well. Good luck to you if you are looking for marriage it’s obvious this partner of yours is not.
I would be upset too. A promise ring is for highschool/college people. Now if he gave you a ring that you guys shopped for and he knew your size and style and said one day he promises to fully make you his but it is an engagement ring that’s different. Sometimes people get nervous when an engagement ring is presented because then they start thinking about all the debt of the wedding cost and everything that goes a long with it. But if money isn’t a problem…then I don’t understand the wait. Maybe you should talk to him
If he wanted to get you an engagement ring he would. Sorry if you think that sounds mean but it’s the truth
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Your already ‘Common Law’ married in some States, like Texas. If you leave the union, you are required to get a ‘legal’ Divorce. I seen friends go thru this!
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Guy perspective here. If you two have been together for almost a decade and have three children together he is just not that serious about making it official. One perspective could be he has everything he wants you as a “wife” for all intents and purposes and a much younger partner at that. Lastly he has the kids. For me personally I would feel as I have everything but would want to put that ring on my partners finger she has given me three beautiful children and been together going on a decade but guys and really people in general want their cake and eat it too so to speak. I think you have some big choices and decisions to think about it soon. If he treats you really good and takes care of you well then you have to ask yourself is is worth the piece of paper? I wish you much luck and many blessings in 2002.
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Ive been with my man for 18 years. We have 2 wonderful boys together 17 and 13. We do not need a piece of paper or the government to show out love to eachother. We just freaking know it.
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After all this time he does not plan to marry you !
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Be upset. Together for that long and not married. Not going to happen. Been there done that
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I kind of feel like promise rings are something teenagers do. If you want to get married you need to tell him you want to get married if he doesn’t want to marry you he should tell you that. communication is the most important thing in a relationship. He may be perfectly content never getting married because in his mind he already considers you his wife there are a lot of men that are like that. But if it bothers you you need to talk to him about it. Life’s too short to be wasting time.
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Well. Back story. My husband is 41. I’m 30. Three kids total. We got married within a year. But- we also just knew we were both what we each wanted so there was no question. I would ask him, just don’t make him feel attacked.
On one hand, I would be upset too but there’s other info we just don’t have here. Was he married before and it just didn’t end well? I’ve been there and I can definitely understand not wanting to jump into that again. Maybe he doesn’t realize just how important it is to you. Maybe the promise ring is a big step for him and it’ll just take time for him to be comfortable with making a more permanent commitment. It’s not always that men, or people in general, are afraid of commitment. Sometimes, it’s bad experiences that have lead them to not trust it. You have been living as a couple for quite some time but that’s not a legally binding situation and things can change after that marriage certificate (been there too). I think you just need to sit down, talk to him, and tell him how important that is to you. Don’t get upset with him right away. Give him time to explain his side. Keep an open mind to his reasons.