I and my partner have been together six year this year; he is 12 years older than me… we have two children together, one age 4 (5 in July) and one age 18 weeks… my 4 years old loves to have cuddles a lot! And likes to cuddle while falling asleep so she will cuddle her dad to fall asleep, but she wants to cuddle me now and then, but I’m busy with the baby most of the time, and my partner won’t do much with our 18 weeks old for some reason, he won’t do night feeds, won’t really change her nappy, won’t dress her or bath her… he works Monday to Friday and drives for a living, he’s a delivery driver. I am absolutely drained and knackered, my 18 weeks old sometimes won’t sleep properly at night. She will wake at like 1 am and stay awake till 5 am, and my eldest is up at 5:30 am so I don’t get to go to sleep until the following night time, I have told my partner, but he won’t help do night feeds even on the weekend he says he doesn’t hear the baby waking up in the night… I literally feel so so so stressed, and it’s not even the kids that’s making me this stressed. It’s the fact he’s there but won’t help… I’m sick of asking for help and not getting any from him! I just think if he’s there, then why can’t he help? What’s the point in him being there if he’s no help with our youngest… I don’t get to spend any time with just my eldest because he won’t help with our baby… he says, “well I work and drive all day everyday” I’m sure he thinks I do absolutely nothing everyday:/ I clean, cook, wash clothes look after our baby take the eldest to school pick her up, etc… as well as all-night feeds bath them both get them both ready for bed and I have to try to find time to have a bath myself and eat food myself, etc… Am I in the wrong for wanting him to help? And let me catch up on some sleep? Even when I was in hospital being induced, my mum was the one that had our eldest, not him… even though he wasn’t allowed in hospital till I was in labor…
You shouldn’t have to ask your partner to ‘help’ with HIS children. He should be a father 24/7 just like you are a mother 24/7. I can’t imagine having to ask my husband to do things for his own kids
I may get shot down for this but I kind of understand in the week being a driver he dose need the sleep or it would be dangerous for him to be on the road tired (Obviously not saying you don’t need sleep )my partner is a forklift driver and when ours was younger I just let him sleep in the week because of his job BUT at weekends there is no reason he can’t get up with the kids and give you an hour or two extra sleep,give you the time to have a nice hot bath and tend to the kids himself more
You shouldn’t have to ask for help with his own children
Sometimes I feel like people don’t listen until you literally have a mental breakdown and flip shit.
FLIP. THE. FUCK. OUT.
If he won’t listen, then force him.
18 weeks old 
Kinda sounds like u are already a single parent … I’d spell out how I feel and if no change … Bye
I was raised that if your a stay at home mom there is no need for him to get up when he is the bread maker. Baby is only 18 weeks men are usually afraid of babies that little. You need to learn how to deal with both kids. Not put all your attention on the baby. That’s not fair. In labor why wouldn’t someone watch the child? Wouldn’t dad be with you ? I mean my dad watch my son while I was in labor because a child doesn’t need to see that and my husband best be next to me!
You should not have to ask for help. You need to sit down with him and tell him how you feel. After this is answered by more people show him our answers. Its not ok that he wont help. My husband is a mechanic who works 7am till latest 7pm. He still helps even on the bad days. Because he knows I can’t always do it myself.
Time to take an “emergency trip” For the weekend But you can’t take the kids.
Leave him a list of the schedule, chores and don’t forget the honey do list!! see how well ge handles 2 days alaone wirh them, that don’t change his attitude nothing will!
He should be helping every single day when he’s home by doing something, maybe he watches both kids between when he gets home and bedtime each day to give you a break, instead of helping during the night? If he doesn’t want to do that, suggest he helps another way like making food, cleaning up, etc. He does not get to have his chill time while you’re doing five jobs at once. Driving/making deliveries all day is a vacation compared to taking care of two babies and keeping some semblance of a clean house. Does he not help and still get to do whatever he wants, including things he wants you to do with him? NOPE. But you’ve got this lady, no matter what he decides to do. And just because you’re tolerating him today doesn’t mean you have to tomorrow!
Suppose to be a team.
I dont ask for help. My partner does all the night feeds and is there for her and my other two. While he is around he will step up.
He said I carried his child for 9 months so the least he can do is help carry her when she’s here so I can heal properly and feel no pressures. 
I have post natal depression on treatment and its healing okay so far. I have a 8,7 year old and a 4 month old. I couldnt do it without my partner.
I hope yours can see how stressful it is and help you out because making a baby takes two and raise a child takes a village they say. Sounds you need a break to have a decent meal, wash and some you time 
x
If he is working Monday-Friday I wouldn’t expect him to help the night before (Sunday-Thursday) but on Fridays and Saturdays he could help out. Have a set time for your shower/bath let him know from 6pm-7pm you’ll have your time. I’m sure he can handle the baby for an hour and if he can’t say you need money for a nanny and house keeper.
They are his kids if he dont help u then I guess its byebye
My husband is driver also and he helpd me with our first alot i did. Not ask for it we have 3 kids as he git older he is 6 yrs older than me he was tired more often and did not help my aecond slept thru the night but our 3 was a pain she decided when she wanted when she wanted it. Which was night time and he did not help he. Was always tired i believe he needed as i do now to be safe and as age he is older older people sleep more than younger people do he still sleeps way more than I do. Even bow our kids are 4,8and 12
If he is 12 years older than you he is probably tired…he old! Lol. Jokes aside he should be helping you.
Take the kids and leave. Or kick the F**ker out. Useless just as good as garbage.
I’ll probably get a lot of hate over this. But by the sounds of it you’re a stay at home mom. So I wouldn’t expect him to get up in the middle of the night when he’s home.
Wake his A** up!
My husband wouldn’t hear any of our babies at night, so the solution was I woke him up and asked him for help. He always did it. Even if it was more work for me to get him up I did. Just out of principal.
Again. Our 18 weeks old 
Get a job and a babysitter and go to work too then share all household chores.
Sorry he is not helping. If your oldest goes to school during the day. You could take a nap when baby naps. I have no solution for your hubby not helping.
He definitely should be helping. It can take a toll on anyone due to lack of sleep and just you time. He needs to be able to provide the same relationship he has with his first born, with this new baby. Sometimes, sitting down and just being blunt helps. Some people don’t take you seriously when you say you are burnt out. It could be your partner is just not taking the hint if you catch my drift. Be confrontative but calm, simply ask the truth. Why is your 18 month old viewed as the least favorite while he can manage time for his eldest? Honestly, you need a break girl. See if someone will watch the baby for a night or two for you. Give you time to discuss things with your partner and also time to rest. Xoxo
I feel your pain all to well and I’m so sorry. If you figure out how to get through to him, please share your secret.
You are not wrong, he should be helping.
My husband “didn’t hear” the baby either. I started shoving him out of bed with my feet. He heard that 
Fixed the problem for me!
Our partners are like children they push us to see how far they can get away with things if you ask him to take out the trash then later do it yourself than they know eventually you will do it if you ask them to put away their clothes and then you get mad and do it then they think ahh she will get mad but do it herself ask them one time to do a task and leave it until they get it done well thats my thought might not work for everyone!
Leave him with both kids for the weekend & go somewhere. Then he’ll understand why he needs to help or at least be more sympathetic. Feel free to mute or turn off your phone for an hour at a time.
Do you have friends or family who could give you a break during the day so you could sleep or do whatever you need?
Men don’t get hints. Be blunt. Tell him “I need you to do X at X time every (day/week).” Be very specific, state it as fact, follow through by handing him one or both children and point him to whatever. Playing with the younger child from 7-8 every night, taking the family out to dinner or fixing dinner once a week, bathing the kids every other day, taking the kids to the playground Saturday and Sunday for at least an hour are all things he should be able to do easily.
I understand he needs his sleep to be able to do his job and he doesn’t want to mess up his sleep schedule. But then he has to give you an opportunity to sleep uninterrupted when he’s awake. If he fusses, tell him he must be getting old & you’ll have to trade him in for a younger model!
Listen… have you tried a foot to the face for the weekend night feedings? I have yet to meet someone who can sleep through a broken nose.
Yeah bugga that, he helped create the family, he needs to man up and help look after the family. Otherwise take the kids and leave, you’re doing it on your own anyway…
Hire someone to help, Mother s day out would give your child a short structured time of play with other children
I would expect help on the weekends. He should be helping.
Take a weekend away. Tell him now that you are booking a hotel for the two nights he is off. You will not be coming home for those two days/nights. Tell him that since he won’t help, you absolutely need time away.
You are not in the wrong. Kids are both parent’s responsibility. He is self centered and honestly misogynistic for not doing what he is supposed to because he probably thinks that since he works he doesn’t have to do anything else. Which is far from the right way to handle being a father and partner.
Take the weekend! Put it on a credit card if you have to. Or go stay at a family members/friends house if you can’t afford a hotel. Just ask to stay at their house cause you need the time away. Don’t even allow your partner to say no. Just do it. He can handle the house for 2 days. Maybe he’ll see what you do every day and start doing more. If not, then you need to communicate more with him. He really just needs to realize that it’s not only your responsibility to clean and take care of kids. It’s both of yours.
It could be how he was raised. Some men see babies as a woman’s work.
This makes me so mad to hear
He eats food ? He can cook
He makes mess ? He can clean
He makes babies ? He can parent
My husband works 8 till 5 , sometimes 6 till 5
I hold down everything all day , I make sure dinner is on the table , washing is done , house is tidy
He gets home , and guess what , we’ll he washes up , and he will put 1 kid to bed I will.put the other one it , if there is washing in the machine still he puts it in the tumble dryer, I will make his lunch for the next day and he will take the rubbish out.
I breast fed our second baby , I would express and I would do a feed at 8pm then he would wait up with her until 10 or 11 and give her the bottle so I could sleep from after that feed until 1am
Sometimes i would be crying in the middle of the night because it was hard , he would just sit awake with me and hold me
You need to sit him down and tell him.how you feel
Make him realise he will loose you
You are a team and a partnership
Maybe he’s going through something internally? My partner wouldn’t do anything like that, we went to couples counselling after a few sessions he finally let out that he’s struggling turns out, he had post partum depression guys can get that too… maybe look into that? Having a baby is a struggle not just for the girl but for the guy too.
Mind you our relationship was so rocking because I started resenting him and angry at him all the time for not helping, I had a c section and was out of hospital the second day after it, my partner didn’t help at all. He was back at work 2 weeks after she was born, I was always waking up for feeds, taking the kids to school etc I was doing everything. My scar even got infected cause I couldn’t really look after myself. For months I struggled and thought something was wrong with me, because i was crying all the time. I was just overwhelmed.
Honestly try couples counselling so you can let out all your feelings. It might not seem like an option, but it did help the both of us. He now watches, wakes up, changes and bathes her, he does everything I do. Like I said it might not be about you, maybe he is struggling with something and is too proud to say anything. My partner is 10 years older then me, and we have 3 kids. It only happened after the third one. Our children are aged 5,4 and 11 months.
My partner works 12 hour days sometimes 6 days a week. But he has one day a week now on weekends, that he chooses when he lets me sleep in, and gets the baby during the night and cooks me breakfast (Because I’m the one that does all the running around, and takes the kids to school etc and I also work just not as much as him.) In the morning. The following night I’ll do that for him.
Couples counselling saved our relationship, I honestly would recommend 100%.
My husband “didnt” hear our youngest either so I moved the monitor to his side of the bed turned allllll the way up!
It’s a partnership and he has to be willing to help when you need a break and you shouldn’t even have to ask buttt you might just need to put your foot down and not give him a choice. If he has a problem with that then it’s time for a bigger conversation bc it’s not fair to you
Not wrong. One of numerous reasons why my ex is my ex. If I’m going to be a single parent, I may as well do it without a man-child to care for too. Which, it doesn’t sound like yours is quite as bad but pretty darn close. My bf that I’ve been with for 6 years now has always helped with the kids. Let’s me sleep in on his days off. Helps around the house. Cooks. Cleans. Helps my mom out when she needs it. Ya know, an actual PARTNER.
Leave, you are doing it all yourself anyway🤷🏻♀️ he clearly has zero regard for you or your feelings. You deserve better.
A father is responsible to help take care of his children. Period. Those kids have two parents.
Give them an inch, they take a mile. Express your specific expectations, men don’t know how to read between lines.
I would suggest napping when the baby naps. During the week I don’t see him helping as he is working. Driving all day is exhausting as well. Weekends I see as he could lend a hand for sure. He probably doesn’t hear the baby. I’ve known some men who does not. Why, I have no idea lol. Team up on weekends and take care of business. Good luck
If he won’t do anything to help you don’t anything for him don’t cook for him let him clean up his own messes, and let his laundry pile up the hell with him.
My husband is a driver too. He works m-f from 6am-7pm. He helps and I don’t have to ask or if I do he does it. He knows they are just as much hid responsibility as they are mine even though I’m a sahm. He helps on weekends and when he gets off work at night to get them ready for bed. So not its not bad to ask for help and he should help.
First of all, your partner’s a dick sooo jot THAT down!!!
Second, I am so sorry that your partner’s a dick. If you can’t rely on him, is there family or friends that can come and let you get an hour or two occasionally?
Id stop doing anything for him but in petty like that
His a normal selfish male but wouldn’t it be nice if He helped out willingly
Nope. He should jump in and help you! Without you even having to ask
I guess I would cut corners on some of “my” chores. Only do some laundry, like mine and the kids. Cook smaller dinners and eat before he gets home. Only make half the bed. Hand him the baby and sail out the front door to your waiting besties car for a quiet evening of cocktails. TELL him …here is your child( while plopping baby in his lap) I’m putting toddler to bed. What you allow will continue continue. I’m sorry you have to go thru this but men can be dumb.
Best of luck to you.
Ok so maybe he should help on his days off but he can’t be up at night with the baby when he is driving the next day but he should help with chores