A little background here. I’m 23 now, my little sister is graduating next weekend and I’m excited for her and everything and very proud. But I can’t stop thinking about the fact that my dad didn’t come to my graduation when I graduated in 2017 but has been to my brothers (2019) and now my sisters. My dad and I have always had a rocky relationship but I still wanted him there. His now ex-wife (who is 12 years older than me mind you) and I never got along and she always treated me like crap and always went out of her way to disrespect me or abuse me in some way. She even told me at my grandpas funeral that no one wanted me there (I was 15 at the time) and that I was a burden. I told him the day of that I would rather it just be him and my siblings but I would prefer her not be there. He said she is his wife and she comes or he doesn’t at all. He didn’t show. I only had 5 people there. Am I in the wrong for being hurt still?
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Am I wrong for feeling hurt that my dad didn't go to my graduation years ago? - Mamas Uncut
I don’t think he’s doing it rub it in your face, but to show your younger siblings he is there now…??? I’m sore now they they are divorced he sees the error of his ways, but it will take a strong man to admit he messes up huge in your life, and it’s ok for you to let him know that. It doesn’t have to be an angry exchange … but your feelings then and now are valid.
I feel you girl 
reach out if you wanna talk. I’m 30. Have had a very rocky relationship with my father. He got married in December, I was the only family not invited.
I personally think you should pull your Dad aside and tell him how you feel… then let it go, life is too short to hold on to hurt feelings… sometimes people have no idea they’ve hurt others… wishing you strength and resolution and a better relationship with your Dad 
I don’t think you’re wrong. She sounds like a toxic person. It’s a shame you and your dad haven’t always seen eye-to-eye and it’s a shame that he defended her instead of telling her that you were his daughter and she needed to get over herself. But it doesn’t always work out that way. I don’t know why he seems to favor your siblings over you. It doesn’t make sense. But you can love him from afar and keep the hurts to a minimum.
Yes
You have the right.
But you’re only hurting yourself by holding onto the anger.
He shouldn’t be putting anyone befor you
He should have went
I would be mad
You have the right to feel that way , but you should let it go .
Do not be a prisoner of your past , now that his ex is not in the picture try to have a better relationship with him , you can even write him a letter about your feelings to free your self
Her age is irrelevant
You gave your dad an ultimatum and he showed you where you stand, let it go and let him go
Your feelings are valid and understandable
Not gonna lie. If my dad chose a woman over me, his daughter, then I’d know my place and leave him alone because obviously I’m not a priority. However. My dad is amazing and would leave any woman that so much as said a cross word to me or my siblings. He chooses his kids(and grandkids) before anyone. Your dad should’ve done the same. But that’s just me though.
You are not wrong to feel hurt. I am sorry he didn’t show up for you. 
It would be good for you to process that and work through those feelings and emotions…and how it affected you…and let it go when you can. At this point, it is hurting you more than anything. It’s okay if you need to see a counselor for this or anything else. Feel those things and release them. You will be free from it. Forgive him and move on the best you can. <3
Tell him what his ex said to you also tell him how hurt you were then put it in the past . She is no longer around .m
Forgive him one more time and then go on with your life without him if you must for your own mental health. You don’t owe anyone for being abused as a child.
I don’t think ur wrong for feeling the way u do and I think u should confront him straight up
Get counseling. You’re letting him live rent free in your head. Take back your power. Tell him how you feel, sure, or write him a letter if that’s easier, and then let it go and live a happy life.I
I’m sorry but it’s kids first never spouses in my book. Spouses come and go and can be replaced…my kids are forever !!! If my spouse was rude or hurtful to my children I’d most definitely choose my child first. He failed you and allowed it to happen. You have every right to feel some type of way about it. I’d discuss things with him and then move on. It may help your relationship and it may not. Don’t stress over it though.
Your feelings are valid and you deserve to let them be known.
Try not to live in the past though, that’ll drive you crazy!
move on girl, you need to let it go and not think about it, or write it down and then burn the letter to let go .
Please pray to Jesus…that your heart be softened and that your dad’s will be too. I don’t see a change in any other way. It really does work but give it a little time.
Your feelings are still valid- yes. However, the past is tricky because no matter how much energy we put in to it, you can’t change it. My dad and I had a horrible relationship because of his own choices and his abusive, new wife too. Years later when we When we finally made amends our relationship was beautiful, incredible. Unfortunately I lost him just a year later. If you ever want a relationship with him, let go of past hurt (no matter how hard), accept you cannot change it and move forward. You’re only robbing yourself of more time but holding on to past times.
There are 3 sides of the story. Not sure why she act she way she was towards you. Maybe you disrespected her and not accepting her. Sometimes kids are not innocent as they think they are. Your dad is torn between you and his wife.
You can work this out. Get help to get through this and move on probably with out him
Sure you can feel hurt. Your dad chose his wife over his child and that will always be hurtful. I’m concerned that you are still holding onto this hurt still and it’s bothering you enough to make this post. It might be time to get into some therapy and work on accepting it and moving past it. And you can decide if you even want a relationship ship with your dad and what it would look like from your end. Sorry you got a dad who couldn’t put kids first.
You can be hurt but you set it up. You made demands and set rules, he simply obeyed them. Problem with giving an ultimatum to someone, they might call your bluff.
You have a right to be hurt but you did give him an ultimatum. You shouldn’t have done that.
You have the right to be upset. Your dad chose his wife over you.
Time for some tough love. You brought that one on yourself. Yes you can be disappointed he wasn’t there. We all want our parents to show up. You set it up yourself. It’s time to talk to your Dad and get to the bottom of things.
Nah, just accept that you don’t mean that much to him.
I wonder what happened to make the family dislike you.
Yes you very much have the right.hr chose a women over his child which is not ok EVER
I completely understand your feelings. I was 6 months pregnant when I graduated. And only my dad showed up to my graduation.
You’re not in the wrong for being hurt, but you are in the wrong for holding onto that hurt. It’s doing more damage to you than it’s doing to him. You think about it, you let it get to you… he most likely doesn’t. He made it clear that his child bride was more important than his child and that’s just bullshit. Your child should always come first, even before your spouse.
Anyone that told this girl her feelings arnt valid should b ashamed of them selfs this girl asked her dad to come to her graduation without the step mom an instead of being a real father he didn’t go bc he choose his wife over his child but somehow his child is wrong for the way she feels r u kidding me girl I’m so sorry this isn’t right at all as someone who’s been there u didn’t nothing wrong if u an dads wife don’t get along an she has tried nothing but being mean to u an u asked your dad to come without her isn’t wrong of his child to ask of him wow that some woman r ok with a father choosing his wife over his child is ok it’s wrong not ok an girl I’m so sorry I have felt what u feel now an my heart hurts for u I know it doesn’t seem like it but it was your dad’s loss not yours just shows he’s not a man he’s a lil boy that had to follow what his wifey wanted sad sad af your children always come first point blank period no matter if your child is grown or not your kids always come First not some dern spouse
We cannot change the past but we can change the future. It takes a bigger person to be the one who chooses to put the past mistakes of your loved one behind snd forgive them so you can move on. It will help you prevent bitterness and resentment from making you miserable the rest of your life. Smile, love everyone and be happy. But be careful who you trust and remember who protects you in the future.
No. Your dad allowed a selfish, childish woman to dominate him and put herself and her needs before anyone else. We can’t change it, so move on and if he doesn’t follow, you are better off without him.
you made him choose & that was wrong, Whether you liked her of not, she still was his wife, So with that said, you made him chose & he did & that was all on you. What if someone didn’t like your husband & they didn’t want him wherever it was you were invited to. Would you go ???
Let it go. Just avoid him.
When you give ppl an ultimatum, there is a chance their decision isn’t what you would have hoped.
No one can tell you how to feel. You have every right to be upset. She was his wife. Talk with your dad, maybe admit that wasn’t the most mature thing to have said. It’s not the end of the world. Best of luck reconnecting with your dad. I hope you two can mend this.
Most of these comments frustrates me because if this story was about a mom all the comment would say “how dare she pick her husband over her child”! A parent is a parent your child should always come before your spouse. And any proper and good spouse would understand that. They could have still gone would the OP be upset she showed probably but at least he would have choice to be there. They could have worked it out somehow. But not going should not have been a thought nor an option that’s his daughter.
Some of these comments are terrible. You’re not wrong for how you feel and honestly the best gift you can give yourself is therapy, you deserve to not hold on to these feelings. You can’t change others but you can change you and that’s all that matters. Good luck.
He should have been there regardless
That’s very hard not to have a parent there to support such a big accomplishment. I’m so proud of you for graduating. Even if it was a few years ago. You should be very proud of yourself! 
No, it will always hurt… Just know that life goes on
You have every reason to be upset-ex wife is a bit-ch and your dad was a weinnie …did he know how she treated you? Karma’s a bitch so don’t worry about her she’ll end up by herself. If you can forgive your father, don’t let past hold you hostage. But whatever you decide I wish you happiness
 Life is too short let that go. Choose your battles
I understand how hurt you were by how he treated you. Holding on to that hurt will just make you more upset and bring more unhappiness to your life. Write it down and all your feelings on why you are upset and angry with him on how he treated you. As a way of letting go and taking that unhappiness in your life either bury it or burn it. Then be happy for your siblings that your father decided to be there. Harboring all that sadness/anger/resentment will just keep growing then eventually press onto other aspects of your life. Try to turn a negative into a positive. If your are spiritual give it to God and pray about it.
Lets suppose he has “a forgetful mind” and list all your accomplishments and congratulate yourself and if you need congratulations, post it on Facebook😁
We all make some decisions in life that we regret later. It is very unfortunate that you have had to experience such a tramatic hurt from a loved one. For your own sanity and peace you need to let it go. The toxicity of it has and will continue to stay in the past and keep you from moving on,
No, you should be hurt but you gave him an ultimatum. I hope you did make him privvy to what she said to you at your grandpas funeral
No you are not in the wrong. Your feelings are valid and its not right to treat one kid good and the other like this.
So you gave him an ultimatum: Come to the graduation without his wife, or don’t come at all.
So let’s see how that plays out: Dad tells his wife that she needs to find something else to keep her occupied while he spends an evening with his children, and then spends the rest of his life with her listening to the woman he lives with bitch about being excluded, or Dad skips 4 brief hours with his kids, one of whom gave him an ultimatum to leave his wife at at home or not come at all. Dad chose the easier route.
Did your siblings give him a similar ultimatum? Or did they decide to be grown-ups and put up with the bitchy step-monster so their dad could enjoy their graduations AND have peace at home?
You have regret that he didn’t attend your graduation. I get that. But you told him the rules and he abided by them. You need to let go of your misplaced hurt. You need to have a heart to heart with your dad. The fact that she is his ex-wife now, may give him some clarity and you might get an apology from him. Alternatively, his marriage may have been rocky and he may have been trying to save it and your bit of drama was just one more thing he didn’t need at that point. But if you are looking for anything beyond an apology, you need to let it go and move on.
It’s hurting more right now bc you’re about to go to your sisters graduation. It’s reopening the wound. You’re not wrong to be hurt but seek out counseling maybe on how to let that go
No, those things are hard to forget especially when there is no good reason for him to miss it. It’s a big moment that parents should celebrate I was a teen parent and got my GED but later in life graduated college with an associates and bachelors degree ( I am the only one of 5 siblings to graduate from college) and my dad didn’t show up. Your entitled to your feelings, but don’t let them consume you:heart:. Sometimes we will never understand why people do the things they do. Congrats on graduating!!! 
Sometimes we have to tolerate others in order to get what we want… congratulations on graduating!!!
I understand that you are hurt, but it is only hurting you. Please let it go, it is a burden that you are carrying. Don’t let it eat at you move on and enjoy the people who really support you.
My dad went to my sister’s graduation (she’s 8 years older than me, we actually drove from VA to TN to go to her graduation) but when I graduated he didn’t go even though we were only about four hours apart. It sucked and yeah it still stings a bit but my relationship with my dad is more important to me than holding it against him.
Your not wrong to feel hurt, but you can’t change the past. Try to be the bigger person and forgive him for his actions. Forgive him for your sake, not his necessarily. And for his wife, well take her for what she is or was, a jealous, vindictive person. Who is not happy unless she is causeing unhappiness in others lives. Show her that you are the bigger person as well and forgive her as well. You can forgive but no one says you have to forget. Good luck and try to do what is best for your soul.
I feel your pain. My dad was absent most of my life. My step mom also abused me and my sister. I don’t blame you for being upset at all, I think you have every right to be upset. It took me a long time to forgive my father for leaving when I was 1. Coming back when I was 11, then leaving again. He did not attend my graduation, my wedding, birth of my child, nothing. I did forgive him though. Why? Because it is not worth sparing my feelings for someone who could not spare mine. YOU control your life, YOU control your feelings. If he wants to put his spoiled bratty wife before you, that’s his loss. You deserve better than what he has given you. Forgive him but keep your boundaries with him, YOU deserve that.
You gave him an ultimatum right? I guess he decided if his wife couldn’t attend, then he wouldn’t either.
My dad always promised to take me on holiday when I was 16, I’m now nearly 30 and it never happened, yet my younger siblings 10 and 13, he’s took them Egypt, Portugal… 
so yeah, I get how you feel
Not wrong but be the bigger person and forgive him for your own piece of mind and move on! You can’t change someone!
Let it go. Y be the bigger person
I don’t think you are wrong for still being hurt. That’s your feelings and something’s cut you to the quick and never go away, just don’t let it define you. I had the exact same issue (no siblings though) and my dad did the same thing. He thought paying $100 for my dress was enough because he was spending time with his mistress rather than going. I only had two people there, my MaMa and my Grandpa. It still hurts my feelings to think about it to this day….and I am 70 years old now. 
The greatest thing if did for myself was reach out for counseling on how to deal with a narcissistic family dynamic
I was given the role of scapegoat, but the labels they give you are not your responsibility to carry
You need to make healthy boundaries in order to protect yourself if that means not inviting dad to protect yourself from another type hurt than that’s boundary. It’s not easy to establish boundaries at first but it gets easier
Please dont be like me and wait till your thirties to seek help, dont Waste your years feeding their need for a person to destroy
They are not 'your ppl" your ppl will never make you feel like a burden
Sounds like you both hurt each other with words. You can’t create boundaries then get hurt when people respect those boundaries.
So what… I’m gonna get grief for this but facts are. Too many people depend on others for their happiness. That’s sad.
My parents left me at a gas station when I was 13. Been on my own ever since. Got my GED at 15. Raised four kids on my own.
Y’all needing that much attention from someone is sad. Be independent instead of dependant on someone else for your happiness.
Y’all couldn’t survive with another human being beside you.
It is time to stop carrying that hurt… it is not doing you any benefit… it was horrible that your dad did that… but you don’t need to carry that pain anymore… acknowledge it… thank it for the lesson you learnt and leave it in the past… unload that painful memory you deserve the peace
Best way to fix this is to sit down, talk and actually listen to each other from each other’s perspectives. Apologize and own up if necessary. If you try and don’t succeed then hold your head up and move on.
It is i n the past-and painfully SAD!! But one just has to learn to be kind and forgive, amd GO ON!! Sad things in families just sometimes happen! Love and Forgive!!
You can be hurt, but you need to move on. He has gotten rid of her, he can’t go back and do over.
yes you can be hurt but let it go you are only hurting you
Pay her rudeness back by becoming a Kind and happy person and a true success in life…
Your not wrong but life is too short to dwell on it. If your dad had gone alone it would be disrespect to his wife. Leave the past in the past and move forward
Until you learn to forgive without the given apology you will always be hurt and carry the burden of that hurt…sometimes it’s best to pick and choose your battles if you not looking to build a better relationship and move forward why dwell on this… don’t focus on things you can’t control…
You would be smart to let it go! Support your siblings and let that go!
Sometimes it’s best to just let things go! Everyone makes mistakes in life, but family is forever! I’m sure your dad loves you, but probably was putting his wife first. It’s time to let go of the past and try to rebuild a relationship with your father while you can. Both of my parents are gone now! Don’t let this pass you by and regret it later. Family is family, and if you can mend things you should!
I understand your pain. Keep reaching out in a positive way to your dad. If possible be polite to his wife. It is not about her. To get your dads respect begin with being forgiving. Where is your mom? How is she accepting things? Don’t let others destroy your happiness. Be hurt but try being more understanding and accepting. Time passes really fast and your approach to your family will/can make an impact. Is he your biological dad? Set aside a time to talk to him about your feelings . God be with you on your journey.
You’re allowed to be upset by his failure. My dad didn’t attend my high school graduation or my wedding. I’m wearing him to my college graduation next week. After he died, the stuff we bickered about didn’t really matter anymore. I miss him terribly, and I wish we could’ve fixed our relationship while he was alive. So take my advice, or don’t, but after he’s gone I promise it really won’t matter.