Am I wrong for no wanting my husbands mom to go on vacation with us?

This summer, my husband and I are thinking of taking our daughters on a family vacation. We haven’t decided anything yet, but his mom wants to tag along if we go. I don’t want her to come. Does this make me a bad person that I only want my husband, me and our daughters to go?

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You are not a bad person! I think you have every right to not want her to go. It’s a special time for you, your kids, and your hubby to do family bonding. She had the opportunity to do this with her kids when they were younger. She should respect that its not her place. Maybe you could just bring her back a souvenir?

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It’s not wrong, but I’d hope on the chance to have a grandparent there so my husband and I could do some ventures on our own :woman_shrugging:t2:

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That would be awesome for her to come! What a beautiful memory for you guys plus you have a babysitter haha think of the positives lol

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Lol no. I wouldn’t want my so mom to come with us on vacation :rofl:

It does not make you a bad person, but wouldn’t it be nice to have a babysitter so you and your husband can enjoy a meal or two? Besides your mother-in-law won’t be around for ever my kids lost 3 of their grandparents (in 2005, 2006, and 2007) before my oldest was 14, and youngest was 8. It is a chance for them to build memories with grandma. If it was your mother that wanted to come along would you have a problem with it?

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Not at all. If you and MIL get along well though, it’s nice to have a sitter so you and hubby can have alone time on vacation.

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For me, it would just depend on her energy. I don’t like my mom to go on vacation with us because she’s such a Debbie downer. And she’s always rushing to get back home. But if her energy was good, I wouldn’t mind her going sometimes… Just maybe not every time. And as someone said previously it would be nice to have granny watch the kids

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Well im opposite of everyone. My mother in law has been on several vacations with us. We have seperate rooms of course but we all enjoy going on vacations together and when my husband qnd I want to do something by ourselves we have a sitter

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I don’t know if it necessarily makes you a bad person, but definitely choose your battles. Grandparents aren’t around forever. I think it would be great for her to have those memories, as well as your children. I say just let her go.

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No your not a bad person. Maybe on another vacation you invite her.

Is she good to u and ur kids ? If so I’d let her go lifes short u can still have ur own privacy by having different hotel rooms and it 1 might give u time alone with ur husband and 2 ur kids might make some cool memories with her too.

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No its not wrong. However if she goes she could help out with your daughter
Maybe get separate rooms so u and your husband can have alone time and go out on dates

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Nope. Don’t let anyone guilt there way into your family vacation

To me my MIL is still a stranger. I wouldn’t feel comfortable at all on a vacation with her. I can barely stand get together. Im giving your MIL the benefit of the doubt that maybe she wants to connect. She’s going about it wrong by including herself in family activities instead of inviting you out one on one. Maybe plan something with her as a girls day out or longer. If she only wanted to be a fifth wheel then she will turn you down. If not then you can make a meaningful connection without distraction.

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I don’t want my own mother on vacation with us so No. Lol

Nope nope. Hard pass. Especially if he a mommy’s boy.

Nope. Not wrong at all. Does kot make you a bad person. She can try and invite herself. But ultimately, it is you and your hubs choice whether she follows or not

It doesnt make you bad person but consider a small weekend getaway with her.

I honestly would love to be able to take my grandmothers on vacation with my husband and kids. Lost both of them 2 months apart. Cherish what you have.

I am a single mother-in-law and am blessed that my kids invite me to do things with them at times.

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Uhm no. Family vacations are meant to be just you’re circle of family. Grandma is not that circle. Kids, parents. That’s it. That is circle number 1. If she wants a trip with yellow then she can plan her own separate family trip and invite you guys along. This is your moment, your family. Your trip. And if she can’t or won’t understand that then that is her problem and not yours.

No you aren’t wrong at all. If you’re scared of hurting her feelings when telling her no, think of how you would want to be told no by your daughter. :green_heart: (that’s what I do to avoid hurting feelings, but most of my family dosnt get butthurt)

Maybe she wanted to as a nice gesture so that you and your husband could have some alone time together while she makes some memories with the kiddos? Take it! And it would be a lovely time to stick the hubby with the kids for an afternoon of bonding with her yourself. You only get one mother in law. Sounds like she loves you.

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I mean she probably just wants to tag along so she can make more memories with your children! My fiance and I are taking our 2 kids to the beach this summer and it will be our first vacation as a family and their pap on dads side wants to go so we are going all together so he can spend some quality time with each of the kids while on vacation. Of course we plan to do somethings without him, but he’s just excited to get to go on vacation with us. But it is whatever you and your spouse decides on you two should talk and and explain why or why not you dont want her going and then listen to whatever he says. I know my fiances pap offered to watch the kids a day or two so we can go and do a few thing’s without the kids also and we never have someone to watch the kids so wr consider it a huge blessing that he’s wanting to go and help us some.

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I say if you guys rarely get away with each other than it best she doesn’t go, you need just family time. If you travel a lot, than I don’t see what bringing her this time would hurt but set boundries, expectations and rules.

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She can watch the kids one of the days while u two spend a night alone on vacation :woman_shrugging:

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Yes…I would if she was still on earth…We have had my parents out with us…They are now in their 70s…they kept us happy and full of memories…

Not at all. Tell her maybe next time :sweat_smile::sweat_smile:

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Hell no especially after the crazy year we have all just dealt with plus it changes the whole trip a hotel 2 beds kids,you/hubby where will she sleep costs more & makes things uncomfortable real quick politely say it will be just u 4 but we can plan a girl’s day sometime this summer

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Nope your not a bad person! Say no, it’s just for your family!

no ur married to ur hubby not his mother

Opposite ends here… I’ve actually never gone on a vacation without my mom. She is my family… my biggest part actually. I wouldn’t feel happy without her being there and enjoying time with me and her grand kids. My mom is amazing and she won’t live forever. I cherish any moments we all have with her.

Like it isn’t my husband and I and the kids that are one family than my mom? We are all one big united family. Costs for vacation can be split. I rather the time i get with her and memories the grand kids gets to make.

Heck no it’s your family vacation!

I mean, if she’s willing to pay for her part of the cost, I wouldn’t say no. But, it doesn’t make you a horrible person if you just want quality time with your little family either…especially after the events of the last year. Maybe you and hubby can have a night alone on vacation if she tags along? Look at the positives too?

I mean, she could provide a night of baby sitting so you guys can get alone time. :woman_shrugging:t2:

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Depends.

Have you been on vacations recently as a family, is this a special outing that you just want the kids to enjoy, do you want a baby sitter so for one night you and your husband can enjoy time together ect.

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We took my mother in law to florida couple weeks ago and not only did she help with kids and I’m pregnant so was nice to have help but she also gave us alone time (which we NEVER get) we got a sunset boat ride together was our 3 yes married and a mother’s day present and a baby moon lol

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Definitely does not make you a bad person.

You’re not a bad person. There is nothing wrong with a family vacation being just your immediate family. It’s a bit rude for your MIL to invite herself.

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Nope. Doesn’t make you a bad person at all whatsoever

If mom is alone you and your husband can go out at nite alone kids sleep mom you hsve alone time

No it’s doesn’t make you a bad person at all. I love vacations with just my little family. :heart:

It’s not rude to just want it to be you guys but a silver lining is if she goes you and hubby could have a date night while on vacation

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I have been on vacation with both my children and my step children… we make as many memories as we can because grandparents won’t be here for ever… choose your battles. My grandchildren are my life, I enjoy going with them

Sounds like a nightmare vacation…no monster in laws!

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I’ve been on vacations with both my mom and in laws and it wasnt bad at all and you can usually get some free baby sitting to go do couples stuff. But I always got along really well with my in laws. It doesnt make you a bad person though to just want it to be you hubby and kids.

I Don’t want her to come … Well if she sees this you won’t have to worry about that . remember…family ties run deep especially with your husband… Only one mom …

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She needs to learn boundaries. It’s your Allah family vacation…not hers…so many MIL do not know boundaries at all. Like it great to have to great relationship with your grandkids and your son, but seriously boundaries.

I think if you don’t want her to come she should not come. But you could invite her on other trips.

Depends on your relationship. My mother-in-law went to Florida with us once. It was great.

No it doesn’t make you a bad person! You need to have family time with out others being there!

Na its pretty common to hear people only want to vacation with spouse and kids.

But I’d probably bring her along because how much of an inconvienece to you is it ? How much will it mean to her if you welcome her and take her with you?

Plus theres probably a few more pros than cons.

Free baby sitter :rofl:
Sets a good example for the kids to see nan is still included and welcomed in family events.
Kids get more bonding with nan.
Mil I’m sure will appreciate it.
It’ll make you feel good or atleast you won’t feel guilty (which is sounds like you already are just thinking about leaving her out lol).

Cons ?
Well I suppose only you know what those are.

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She shouldn’t be inviting herself in the first place that’s just crossing the line. So no you’re not a bad person for that.

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The only reason I’d have my mother inlaw on vacation with us is to baby sit the kids why we roam :joy::grinning_face_with_smiling_eyes:

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Um free babysitter lol

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Tell her she can come if she will babysit from 8-12 every night.:wink: have fun during the day with a built in photographer and babysitter. She might just be lonely.

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We took one of my in-laws on every vacation we took until They got too old LOL. It’s nice to have someone along to help with the kids! It is nice to have a vacation with just spouse and kids though as well. We did a lot of Disney vacations and with smaller kids it was a godsend to have them along!

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Told my hubby when we go on vacation, it’s just the kids, and he better tell their mothers, as much as I respect the co-parenting relationship, they are NOT invited and they are NOT allowed to invite themselves.

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As much as you love your child, she loves her child. More than anything, she wants to spend time and be helpful to him and his family. If you don’t accept this, you are breaking a heart and missing out on a very special love.

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No, HOWEVER being the adult child of a dead parent, I’m so glad my dad came with us to the beach the summer before he got diagnoses with cancer. 6 months later he passed. Time is so short. Let him get Time and memories in with his mom while he still has her. Not to mention, free babysitter, maybe u and ur husband can have date night at the beach or wherever you’re going. Family is all you got at the end of the day

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I can understand my daughter dad family I always see post and pic of her uncle aunt and kids her cousin on vacation and her paternal grandmother goes on most trips with them. I don’t talk to much with them so I’m not sure who is inviting who but most of the vacations they are together. Free babysitter maybe?
Also is she paying or she wants you to take her and foot the bill guess that is what would make most difference to me.

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I don’t know your personal situation with her. But I grew up super close my grandparents and it was the world to me having them in my life as a kid. Grandparents are a very important part of a child’s life (if they choose to be) then be grateful your kids have grandparents that want to spend time and do things with them. Because there will be a time when they can’t go on vacation anymore with their grandkids, there will be a time when they unfortunately pass. Cherish the memories and your kids and the memories they can have with grandparents while you can. People unfortunately don’t last forever.

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I absolutely think it’s wrong to not take her You did not just marry him you married the family and family is so important she will not always be around to be on vacations with you my kids want me on all of their vacations your husband wouldn’t even be on this earth if it was not for her don’t be selfish

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I’m actually surprised by a lot of these answers… but maybe that’s because we vacation a good amount. We do vacations just us (my husband, daughter, and I), but we also do vacations with family. My parents have asked if they could come with us on vacations and we’ve never turned them down.

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Depends on if they are toxic & stressful. Is it gonna make the trip not worth it bc of the stress the other person will cause. If that’s the case no. Not everyone is lucky to have caring relaxing relatives that would make it enjoyable

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My husband invited our parents on a trip with our kids to Florida. I was not thrilled, but it turned out to be their only trip with us and their last one. Was it easy, not always, but we made memories. Looking back it was the right decision to include them, but at the time, it was not my favorite idea. Now I wish they were here

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No, sometimes families like to be alone. I didn’t get to go very much when my children were little, so I wouldn’t have wanted my MIL to go with us, as she lived next door and was too involved in our lives. Families need their own time.

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Please stop telling this woman she’s selfish for wanting her family vacation to be about family time & making memories with her own kids! If you don’t want her to go, tell her no & include her in something else! A nice lunch, a bbq, etc. she doesn’t need to go on your family vacation though!

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That’s kind of mean. My parents are considering going on vacation with us and my hubby would never turn them away or say he doesn’t want them to go. When you marry someone, you marry into the whole family. I would definitely not let her know that you’re feeling this way cuz it could cause some serious issues!

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not at all! she’s apart of the family yes but she needs to realize you both have your own family now and you can make new memories without her. sounds like she still is not over her son having his own life without her. definitely be careful of that as that’s toxic MIL behavior

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I feel you but then again she could babysit while
You and your hubby have a date night on vacation. That would be nice!

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No your not wrong but i think it might be nice to have an extra adult to help with the kids. You and your husband could have some date nights while she had some girl time with her granddaughters! Years ago I would have been annoyed by the idea but now the idea seems great and I’m so grateful for my mother in law and I prefer when we all vacation together and so do my kids!

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I’d honestly take advantage. If you’re going with children you will have a reliable sitter for a couple nights so that you and your husband can enjoy some drinks or a nice dinner just the two of you.

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Absolutely not and I am shouting that from the back of the room! It doesn’t make you bad person to want to spend time with your “little family!”
Don’t feel bad for your feelings, you only get these memories once in a lifetime and you deserve to a lot of them as your little family!

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Me and my partner spent our first child free night together in twin reclining chairs with my Dad receiving palliative care.
It makes you humbled, life doesn’t always go to plan.
In answer to your question, no. You’re not at all a bad person for wanting your family holiday to not include either of your parents. Ultimately, it’s yours, your husband’s and your children’s holiday and really your decision. Good luck and enjoy your vacation. Xxx

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She wants to spend time with you all. She won’t be here forever. And you and your husband might be able to have some alone time if she watches the kids. Make memories while you can because some day you’ll only have those pictures , and will regret if she isn’t in them!

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Not wrong with how you’re feeling; but speaking as someone who recently lost parent, I’d give my right arm to have taken my dad on our last vacation. I’d invite her on this one but let it be known that it won’t be every time. Plan a couple date nights while you have her there! It might be a good segue to have a conversation with her, if she is a widow or divorcee, about finding groups that are in her position. There are a lot of them out there, and if she likes to travel it may allow her to branch out.

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Speaking as a mother in law I would NEVER invite myself to go on vacation with any of my children! If they want me to go they will invite me. I love my kids and love spending time with them and my granddaughters but i also know that they deserve family time as well.

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It doesn’t sound like she actually asked if she could go. Did she just invite herself? You are under no obligation to take her. Sometimes you need only want to be with your husband and kids, no one else. Doesn’t make you a bad person. Plan something else where Grandma is included. Keep this one for yourselves.

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We always took vacation with his mom. Mine disown me 20+ years ago. We always had fun with her being with us. And she always volunteered one night for me and my husband for date night. We haven’t took a real vacation since 2017 after his mom passed away. It’s not the same. Cherish those moment with your mother in law and your kids can make memories with their grandmother also.

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Depends if she’s an interfering mil or just a lonely woman wanting to spend time with her family, how is she with your family all year round, does she visit and is it nice having her, is she just wanting to tag along for company, I take my wee da if he’s able any where I go since losing my mum 7 years ago, my kids adore him and so does my partner, taking him on holiday wouldn’t bother me but I’ve got a brilliant relationship with him, im making the most of the time we have, I hope if she does go with you, everyone is happy and gets along, all the best, your kids memories with their granny will last a lifetime, xx

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Your not wrong. However I couldn’t imagine family vacations without my parents when my daughter was little. My grandparents even come along in a few and the memories the kids have are priceless. But we also did our own things at times too. You don’t have to spend morning til night with each other

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I would ask yourself if it was your mother that wanted to go along would you tell her no or would your husband tell your mother no… if you wouldn’t take your mother then I guess you wouldn’t want his mother to come either. Tough situation but I think I would have to bite the bullet and take her… maybe you and her could even do something together alone while on vacation… create memories while we can… you never know what a bit of kindness toward someone means to them… best wishes for a great vacation whatever decision you make

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Tell her you want it just you your husband abs kids and would love to plan something separate with her

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2 ways to look at this.

  1. You’re not a bad person. You’re allowed to want time with your family. Decide how you want to go about it. Maybe she can go with you on other family outings.
  2. You can end up having a vacation date night! Thats why my MIL comes sometimes- not each time. Allows us to also get quality time together and she gets quality time with her grandkids
    Lol. :woman_shrugging:
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Some day she won’t be around to go with you. Make the best of it now for your kids and husband and you mil. Just tell her sometimes you guys just want to go do things without her

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I believe the greatest disservice to humanity is the guilt that comes with saying no.

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Ok. I would never ask my son if I could go on vacation with him and his wife. Nor would I ask my daughter to go with her husband and kids. That’s too weird. Healthy boundaries are good.

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I would not be so intrusive on my family, as a MIL I know how important time spent with my little family meant, my MIL lived with us for a few years and what it’s taught me is never do the same to my own :family_man_woman_girl_boy:

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I am a MIL and I would love to go on vacations with my kids their SO and kids but I also understand that they need their own time and vacation themselves. Maybe plan two or every other yr. Definitely not mean and understandable…

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My husband & I always took my MIL. Those are some of my best memories. Just remember her today - you tomorrow. I would invite her graciously & you & your husband can spend some date nights together

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My husband and I were going to Florence. Future MIL expressed she’d always wanted to go so we agreed she could come. Next trip: Venice. Same thing happened. Then my Mum asked so we had to go back to Venice with my Mum. Then my Mum accompanied us to France. It was never ending and cocked up a number of holidays. If you agree, make it clear it’s a one off & don’t assume anyone will do any baby sitting either.

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No. Tell her not this vacation and plan something separate with her!

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Does hubby know .If not tell him what your feelings are about his mum wanting to tag along he may not want her to tag along as well that way he can talk to her not you.Nice just to have family time alone.But don’t feel bad about your thoughts.There is time for extended family time.

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Could you live with yourself if something happened to her and you didn’t take her?

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I just went on a family holiday with my future in laws.
My own parents didn’t want to come despite going away afterwards.
It was great. They took one of their grandsons who is same age as my son. We got 2 x 2 bedroom units and they boys shared a room and unit with the in laws, while my daughter, my fiance and I were in other unit. It cut down kids arguing so much.

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Well I live with my Daughter and family I’m always invited to go but I do decline sometimes so they can have there own Family time and they really get mad that I don’t go !

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NO!!! It’s a “family vacation” for you, your hubby and your daughters. Have your husband explain that to HIS MOM and offer to take her on a weekend getaway at a later date. If he declines and feels she should go along, YOU take a vacation with your daughters and let him entertain HIS mother. Take it from someone who’s been there.

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My daughter and her family go on vacation and always ask me to go along her husband is always happy to have me we have a great time and I am thankful they think of me

Let her go -but establish boundaries as well. Make her get her own room, make her understand she will not be with you every minute of every day and you would appreciate it if she would watch the kids a night or 2 so you can also have a night out with your husband. My MIL is going on vaca with us and our friends this year, but she is bringing a friend. She is driving them down to the beach and has a separate room and she is tickled to have her granddaughter some of the time and adult relaxing time with her friend.