Am I wrong for thinking my husband should be spending more time at home?

Ive seen few men act this way not that extent but as far as sex and no it was not becuase he was cheating it was becuase he had no drive no more and didnt no to fix it or tell his wife or gf…men lose there drive way quicker then women do but u shouldnt have to suffer and just shutup and put up prayers to you

Ummm he is cheating on you.

Don’t waste anymore time

I was told “don’t let the red flags add up.” You have multiple red flags. Dude has got to go! I doubt he’s hanging with his family. And sex 5 times a year? Nope he’s getting it more than you cause there isn’t a man on earth that only wants it 5 times a year.

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Therapy 100% and possibly temporary separation, if he’s living separated in the same home mine as well make it real so the consequences are there too. If he can have his cake and eat it too he will keep choosing that. Also do your own thing and create your own life with family and friends so you’re happy and have support. When he goes off with them go off with or invite your friends and family over.
I’d also make preparations to leave/have him leave. Work from home job, part time, family or friend support, find a few trusted people you could have as roommates in case, put money aside, contact attorney, see a therapist so it’s documented if necessary ect…

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Wow. Im sorry. This is all the red flags I had with my ex. I think more is going on than what you want to see. Sorry, but I dont think he is with his family family that’s why you are not invited. Sorry…

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He wants to act single, let him be single…bye :wave:

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Have you addressed this with his family? Do you guys have issues with each other? I’m asking because maybe they invite you but he makes up a lie as to why you cant go.

I think you should leave honestly. You’re basically a single mom anyways so what’s the point? You’re unhappy and left alone and you deserve better.

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I think it’s time to leave. You’d be so much happier with out that waste of space. It also sounds like he could be cheating. So many red flags!

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Sounds to me like you should go through with a separation. He obviously doesn’t care to be with you. If he did, he would put in the effort. It took me leaving my husband to realize that he wanted me in his life after 5 years of marriage. We’ve now been married for 10 years, and the last 5 have been a lot better. If he still doesn’t try to make things work after you leave, it’s obviously over.

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You already know the answer, and this is a conversation you should be having with him. You and your children deserve love and attention.

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There is all kinds of wrong there. Suggest marriage counseling. If he says no, then you have 2 choices. Live like this until he divorces you, or call an attorney and divorce him. He is checked out. If he won’t re-engage from counseling, then decide if you want to live the rest of your life like this.

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I’d load up the kids and myself to go with him when he leaves, or at least the kids. :rofl: I’m not sure what is going on with sex. It could be multiple things, but you deserve to know why it’s like this. He sounds like an awful partner and Dad. What is he providing you that makes you even consider staying with him?

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I think you’re crazy for actually believing any of it. If, and big IF any of it is true, hit his ass up, and see how he is. Follow him or have a friend drive you one night.

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It definitely sounds like he’s being unfaithful. I would either show up where he’s supposed to be or video chat him. I would personally leave the kids out of it though, I think things could get pretty nasty and they don’t need to be a part of that.

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He is definitely not meeting his family and has a double life get out !!

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You just answered your own questions. It’s right in front of your face. If you can’t see this relationship for what it is, then expect more of the same. Help yourself and your kids. Quit arguing and fighting with the man, get your own life, and move on. If you don’t, you’re beating a dead horse and losing self respect, your damn mind and hurting your babies. Its not about just you. Do what’s best for you and your kids for God’s sake!!

He’ll no never if there other kids there and brother wife I would go tell the brother you guys are a family nope he cantt th stay home on weekends my husband cheated on me 22 years. I forgave him but see what he’s really up to something don’t sound right

He’s living a double life. It sounds like he’s cheating.

Runnnnn, multiple red flags :triangular_flag_on_post:

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Yeah definetly not respectful babe Im sorry but if he ain’t willing to fix it leave him now while your baby is young I just seperated after 23yrs raised his son from previous relationship and 3of our own was left with all the kids while he got to do whatever he wanted only to find out he was having an affair get out now you deserve to be happy and loved not just a live in babysitter best of luck sweetheart

Yes, he should be spending more time at home.
Yes, it’s disrespectful.

But the biggest problem is that you’ve already voiced your concerns, doubts, and needs and they are still being ignored or unfulfilled. You’ve already drawn your line and he’s continuously crossed it. Seek therapy or seek a separation.

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I am sorry to say this but yeah he is cheating I had the same experience with my daughter dad and one day I followed him where he was going and boom another bitch house. Its been 3 years since i left his ass for good. Now I found someone and I’m living my best life. Sometimes you gotta open your eyes and love your self you don’t deserve to live like this, life is beautiful to waste it with the wrong people.

Look three he’s phone follow him I prayed for god to give me a sigh. He did I went and saw it. Nope I wil never do it agian if he’s sexually active to and don’t touch you ya there some one else have some one spy on him do what you got to do to see I did

Sounds like he’s checked out completely. So he’s either really extremely selfish or he’s cheating. To me sounds like there’s someone else. Here’s the problem. You have a one year old with him but most of us want to make it work and fix things. He honest with yourself. If he really wanted to spend any time with y’all he would. If he really wanted to include you in things he would. If he wanted to show any affection towards you HE WOULD. HOW EVER… he doesn’t want to and doesn’t want to put effort into the relationship. I say cut your ties and run. The baby is young! The baby may be slightly affected by it but it’ll be minimal given the age.

Surprise him and show up at the family get together you may find your answer as to where he is hanging out!!!

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Two words life 360 track him where he’s really going I don’t know what is wrong with people why ruin a relationship for what 2 flipping seconds of butterflies that of course are going to die out my man did all kinds of wrong looking at dating sites and finding things a partner shouldn’t it destroys trust I hope you find happiness somewhere else cause this douche don’t deserve you

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it sounds like he has checked out already …I would give him an ultimatum or be out… you don’t deserve that.

Run… i am so sorry

I would definitely show up to wherever he says he’s at and bust him the heck with the lying he’s definitely up to something

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Sounds like cheating. Or a whole other relationship going on

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If you say “supposedly” hes going somewhere then I think you need to ask him the question you want to ask. Which is “are you cheating on your family?”

wait you’re pregnant too :woman_facepalming:but only have sex 5 times throughout the year?

It’s sounds like he’s cheating for sure. I would ask him to go through his phone and computer and even if you find out he’s not I would still leave no one deserves to be treated like that

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He is most likely cheating and using that he is meeting up with fam as an excuse. No man only goes 5 times a year having sex

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Side chick would be first suspicion. Sorry but that’s my first thought.

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I wouldn’t tolerate that for a minute.

Sounds A LOT like cheating. At the very least absolutely disrespectful and selfish.

Tell him if he has no intentions of being a husband and father to not come back. Set his stuff outside and light a match

Are you sure he’s going to see his family? Sounds like an affair to me, if he’s not initiating sex with you he’s possibly getting in somewhere else. I’ve been in this situation & he just didn’t want me anymore. Some men don’t have the ba**s to say they want out. Or they’re scared of losing everything though a divorce so instead of telling you they want out they cheat. It’s possible his family is covering for him, he’s possibly telling them horror stories about you to keep them lying for him. Some men are so sneaky and devious girl. I was in complete shock when I realized what my ex was doing

I’m sorry, but he seems miserable and his attitude will only get worse… I pray you guys can find a happy medium.

Find out where these “get together” are and show up kids in tow. Bet you learn even more…

Before jumping to conclusions… talk to him… like a serious talk…

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He’s not really yours.

You already know the answer!

If he wasnt cheating you would be important…promise I know all to well

Do you have a car of your own? I would just start showing up w/ the kids. If it’s a safe environment for the kids, I might even just drop them off w/ daddy and take some me time… Do things like look for a weekend job I could do while he watched the kids at his family’s or look for alternative childcare, open a separate bank acct. that he has no access to, maybe even get a storage locker to put some things aside in… Sounds like he’d be more helpful as a co-parent w/ court ordered visitation and payments that could go towards childcare so you can work… Start documenting everything…

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Yikes like big yikes
It sounds like you’re getting fed up. My advice is make sure you can financially support yourself and your children because this is going downhill fast.
My boyfriends uncle and grandma said me and my son weren’t allowed over but would always invite him to family get togethers. He told them if his family isn’t invited don’t expect me to come. He spends time with his friends on occasion and his brother every once in awhile. We spend four hours a day together because I work thirds. We haven’t been having sex very often but not because either of us are cheating we just don’t you know?

If you’re not being heard and you’re feeling like a broken record then you need to do better for yourself and figure out what that better is.

When a person tells you who he is believe him. He is a man who barely tolerates having a family, He doesn’t enjoy being with you and the children he’s made that clear. Why are you trying to make him into someone he is not. Sounds like you nag him to spend time with you and that will only push him away more. Either except the fact that he doesn’t like you and find a way to move or you can decide that you will live a life of a 1950s housewife, whose husband worked all the time and never spent time with their children. Don’t dilute yourself into thinking you can change him because you can’t. You have the power to change yourself. Do everything you can to make your life interesting and enjoyable and enjoy your children, either way you have to face that you are on your own and that he is not going to change. There is no way that man is only having sex four or five times a year. You are having sex four or five times a year, but you can bet your life, he’s doing it more often with someone else. Do some kind of training to learn a skill while you’re at home with your kids so that you can be self supportive without him. I suggest you not clue him into what you’re thinking. It hasn’t worked so far. Sorry if I’m being blunt but I’ve lived your life. I got job training lost weight and made myself as attractive as I could be and got the hell away from him. My second husband was an angel so leaving my first husband was the smartest move I ever made for myself and my children because I found a man that loved me and my children, he liked being a husband and a wonderful father,( he passed away 3 years ago) and left me a nice home and money so I would never do without) but to find a man that’s an angel you have to become interesting and take care of yourself. There is a paper back book “ Learning to Leave” a woman’s guide on Amazon.com that I recommend you read. It can help you decide. Good luck.

So many red flags bad behaviour that is so sad . Leave girl leaveeeee.

Hire a private investigator.

He’s a selfish prick, whether he’s cheating or not, just leave :sparkling_heart:

Girl whats his Facebook im about to do a FBI search on him

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Go…now. He’s a selfish ass.

This asshole is CHEATING on you! Get copies of his pay stubs and burn his lying ass in court! LEAVE!

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Holy shit. This couldn’t be any more disrespectful :pleading_face: I’m so sorry momma. No way, that’s awful.

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dump him and make a good life fir your kids .

Now I understand this sex isn’t everything okay so taking that out of the equation and just going off of everything else sweetie find somebody that’s worth your time

Actually divorce him. Tell him to get out.

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Not ok. Sounds like he wants to be alone and intentionally keeps you guys at home. Complete disrespect in my book. If you have already talked to him and he doesn’t see a problem with it then maybe it’s time to go start your own life. He already has his. A new beginning can bring great things. Sending you hugs.

As soon as he walks in the door be dressed and ready to go. And leave him with the kids and go out yourself. :smiling_face_with_three_hearts::smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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Nah, that would not fly with me. Your little family comes first and he clearly has no desire to spend time with you all. Maybe this isn’t the best advice but I would sit him down and explain your feelings and what changes you would like to see happen and that this is his last chance to correct this or you’ll have to leave. I don’t know if that’s an option for you or what you financial status is without him but I wouldn’t continue to live the way you are now. It’s not fair to you or the kids. Also, could you talk to his family to make sure they’re not inviting you? Maybe he’s told them you don’t want to come with him.

Don’t wait on him. Take the kids out, do stuff with your friends and family. Don’t invite him. Start living YOUR life and forget him. He is already doing what he wants don’t sit around and let days pass you by. If you can leave him and that’s an option then leave but if not he is loving the single life while your home holding down the fort. Do the same. Do what you want.

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Your husband is gay lol

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Added note. Men don’t like when you start treating them exactly how they are treating you.

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Well of he wants to be alone.
Let him be alone and leave his ass

Take your children and leave, but be smart. Make sure you saved money, have a destination. Be sure you have dropped off his other children to his family. Your children don’t deserve an environment you’re in now.

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Sounds like there’s a lot of selfishness going on w your s/o side, you should go where he’s at and just hangout regardless of what others think of you, after all you’re part of that family too and you shouldn’t let anyone push you out.

Go on weekends getaways with the kids… if he wants to come let him, if not to hell with him and enjoy living.

I would say Adios MF :v:t3:

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You are not a part of a couple. He is not in a relationship with you. If he won’t go to couple’s counseling you should still see someone to help you

Your absolutely right minus well he back is stuff and move to is brother. Haha

He could possibly have a whole other family you don’t know about. Do you :100: know that he is with his “brother”, “uncle”, and “mom”? I know it sounds a bit crazy but it happens, I know, because I was once the “other” woman. (Not knowingly)

If you have brought this to his attention and he still does it, it shows he does not care about your feelings. I would divorce him and never look back.

If you have not talked to him about how you feel, it’s time to sit down and get to the root cause.

I know sex isn’t everything but only 5 times a year? He either has a low testosterone, or he’s getting it from somewhere else… I can’t imagine a man only being intimate five times a year, I couldn’t even do that.

I hope you figure it out.

Yall need professional counseling…not fb counseling :grimacing:

A million red flags, now you have to decide what you want to have happen. You can’t change someone unless they want to change. I suspect that he’s spending time with someone, not necessarily his family. See if he’s willing to go to counseling, if not, tough decision…

If I were in your shoes moma… I would tell him one last time how you feel and what you want in return, if no change comes out of that, move on to being a strong moma for your littles. Praying for you

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Sounds like he’s cheating if he doesn’t want you going with. Idk I’m just an over thinker :woman_shrugging: but ya you have the right to feel that way my hubby never goes anywhere with out me or the kids. But first lesson I’ve always learned is if he ain’t giving you attention, his attention is going else where. Never beg for a man’s love, and attention. I’m also very petty next time he says he’s going golfing or going to his brothers house tell him you need to take the kids with you be you already have plans then just walk out the door get in yoir car and go have a spa day go get drunk at a restaurant while eating tacos with your girlfriends :heart: or just show up and bring pizza to the brothers house :woman_shrugging:

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Maybe his family are inviting you maybe he is the one that refuses to tell you they invited you and than maybe is telling them oh she wouldn’t wanna come any ways never know what he is doing and saying to them

I wouldn’t blame his family, this is all on him. The could be inviting you guys and hes not telling you. In my opinion, it sounds like hes cheating if hes doing all this shit.

I been threw way to much stuff in my life. This sounds like he has lost interest. In either the relationship, or the family aspect. He sounds to want to be free. Or like others have mentioned, he might have another love interest since he doesn’t show it at home or want to be around. I got a lot of this from my ex. And I was so right. I knew he was with someone else. I knew there was something there and he wasn’t good at hiding it. So I refused to intimately be with him for over 3 years because of it. He accused me of being with someone else. And he was so wrong. I was just tired of him doing what he was doing to me and ignored the fact we were together still like he did us. He didn’t want to spend time with the family. He watched his adult stuff. And chatted with her right in front of me. So out of our 17 year marriage. The last 8 years were total misery. I finally had enough when my girls were in Jr high and high-school. I was a stay at home mom. But quickly jumped into a minimum wage job found an apartment. Paid for a lawyer and got the divorce going all on my own. He said he would help and never did. But he still wanted me to shop for food for his house after he removed all the money from our account and I had nothing. I got nothing from the divorce. Except what was mine and my kids stuff. And I was still making it but barely.

Yes, you’re crazy for thinking the man should stay home to make you happy when he is happy elsewhere. Let him go.

:broken_heart::broken_heart: It sounds like he may be doing other things when he leaves you. He should put his family first. I think you know what needs to be done. It is just a hard thing to come to terms with. :hugs::hugs::pray::pray: hugs and prayers to you moving forward. I hope you find peace, strength and comfort no matter what your future holds… With out a doubt though, you are worth more than the situation he has put you in. :pensive:

Kick his ass to the curb :+1:

Daddy’s fxckin up! Be clear with him about what you feel is fair and what you expect going forward. Men need down time but families need to family too lol. He just needs to reprioritize or get another lifestyle that doesn’t include disregarding his wife and kids.

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Sounds like he needs to be reminded what a husband and spouse are and if he isn’t willing to live that life then it’s time to go.

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Have you talked to his mom or brother about going out with him on the weekends? Do you know for a fact that he actually is? Don’t tolerate this behavior. Your kids see everything. Leave for yourself and your kids.

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Maybe he’s depressed? From my own experience when my so was he completely checked out too he never went out cuz hes an introvert but he would go outside and get hammered till he passed out where he sat. I was the only one taking care of 4 kids and pregnant and we fought all the time! He isnt the kinda man to cheat so that was never an issue! But we changed our living situation completely moved to another town and now we couldn’t be happier! We “came” back to one another and he’s quit drinking and our sex life is amazing again! And I’m not pregnant :rofl: Dont give up so easily and just leave if you really love this man try and talk to him! He may just be stressed and depressed. But assuming and accusing wont make anything better. Good luck

Sounds like your doing it alone already💕 hugs mama💞

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Why you putting up with this?

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You are already living without him. Its time for you to make a change. Think about what you are teaching your kids about marriage. Is this what you want for them in theirs?

What make you stay with a person capable to make you feel so miserable and that clearly he doesn’t care about you or the kids??? Don’t get me wrong, I was in a similar situation with my ex husband for years, and that’s why he is my ex husband for more than 12 years now, best decision ever.

If you can afford to make it on your own GET OUT NOW! Don’t convince yourself that it’s going to get better. That’s a promise that’s in your head only. He only wants a slave, a maid, a someone to raise his kids. Don’t tell yourself that there will come a time that he will step up because that will never happen. Go, run as fast as you can! Don’t waste your time on broken promises, lies, and the hope that one day you’ll be able to have your hopes and dreams in life become a reality…they won’t! I made this mistake and it’s 47 years later and everything is still what he wants and what he wants to do. It’s too late for me but not for you. I’ve been extremely sick for 2 years now and even my doctors tell him that he has to step up and help me. He lays in bed all day glued to the TV and when he’s not doing that he’s playing video games. When he does Bless me by coming into the den to sit with me for maybe a half hour a day, he pulls out his phone and plays on it the entire time! He does take a break from his electronics to trash the kitchen for me to clean. My lungs only work at 35% and I’m on oxygen most of the day. My lazy ass won’t even clean up after himself even if it’s as small as removing mud or grass covered shoes so I don’t have to clean the floors all the time. It’s worse than that but that’s a small example. I still have to do everything for him while struggling to breathe. My doctor said that this is his first time since being a lung doctor that a partner won’t step up and pitch in. He’s still a lazy ass that does what he wants, when he wants and I come after his birth family and then comes his friends. I am the last one on his list of priorities. I have no family left since they’ve all passed and I can’t take advantage of my friends like that. IT WILL NEVER CHANGE no matter what he says! It’s always going to be his wants and needs and you are nothing more than trash! GET OUT, RUN WHILE YOU CAN! Otherwise when you get old you will find yourself needing help and nobody will be there for you!

He’s very selfish and disrespectful! You and the children deserve happiness and love.