Am I wrong to be bothered that my fiances ex is still in his families life?

So my fiancé had an ex before me … Obviously … The problem is … His family and said ex still communicate on social media and some on the phone … She has been around since my fiancé was a teenager … Am I over thinking things or do I have a right to be upset or bothered by it … What are some steps I can take to maybe get over it if need be … Im really not trying to be immature … I’ve had problems out of this ex so I am threaten by her … I just don’t know how to take this

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I would take issue if they seek each other out. Other then that you either have him or you don’t. If you have a bad feeling don’t ignore it. Women intuition is a real thing. But if you are just insecure you need to work on that. You will never have a happy healthy relationship if you always thing the worst for no reason

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Am I wrong to be bothered that my fiances ex is still in his families life?

Do they have a reason to communicate, like kids together?

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Let it go or let him go……we can’t control other people….

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I always think it is weird if family stays in contact with someone’s ex. Like I would feel weird if my family was still friends with my ex.

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I would set boundaries with both her and your fiancé. Try not to care so much about the “relationship” she has with his family.

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As long as they put you first there should be no problem

If you’ve had problems with her, that’s a your boyfriend issue. Not a her issue. Whether she’s around or not, if your boyfriend has that door open… then he ain’t a good fiancé…

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His ex and his family have been friends for years, there’s nothing wrong with that. I stayed friendly with my ex wife’s family…

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Just because he stopped loving her doesn’t mean they have too. I have been with my husband 15 years. His family is my family and I love them.

My sister has been with her husband 17 years if they split he’s still out family

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Honestly I think it’s fine, my current boyfriends ex still talks and hangout with his family. It isn’t affecting us and they are family to her.

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Imaging thinking you have any say in who someone else chooses to be friends with… my ex’s new wife tried this shit with the in laws and guess what, I’m still invited to the cookouts and she isn’t :grin: I bet that taught her to shut her mouth! You don’t get to set boundaries for someone else. If you don’t like it, don’t go around your in laws :woman_shrugging:t2:

I am now married and my ex works for my stepdad, comes to family events has dinner with us sometimes and around my children. My husband and him are actually friends. Maybe you can try and get to know her better?

My ex’s family became my family and he accepts that even though I’m sure it’s weird for new people in his life me and him don’t speak but his mom is like my mom I would never be in his way of happiness but sometimes the family becomes your family as long as he isn’t hanging out with her then I don’t think it’s a huge deal

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Don’t sweat it she’s an ex your the now! I wouldn’t let it bother me. Be confident in yourself and in your relationship!

If it’s like a hi and bye thing or there’s children involved then it wouldn’t bother me because they’re adults and you can’t control who others talk too. As long as they’re still respecting you. If they’re inviting her over to events you’re apart of then it’s up to you and your fiancé to decide if you want to remove yourself’s from the situation or engage.

I always stayed in contact with long term ex’s family. I left the man not his family. Especially if there’s love there. I’m still communicating with my exes family and don’t give a crap. I love them

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As long as she doesn’t cross the line into your relationship. I wouldn’t worry about it.

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People don’t just stop being friends with someone because of break ups. Please be mature about this. It’s your boyfriend that is really the problem.

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I’m friends on fb with my ex’s family. We’re not buddy buddy, but am happy for them in their lives. I don’t talk to the ex…idk it’s not weird to me. As long as she’s not coming after your SO I don’t see the problem.

I am still in communication with my ex’s family. This still call me Tia, Prima and so on. I am 100% not interested in my ex husband, I wish him no harm nor do I have ill feelings towards him but the family I will always love dearly.

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If they don’t have kids together there is really no reason for then to keep contact with her. However they do, and you can’t do anything about it. If it bothers you that much have your man talk to his family about it. If he won’t or thinks them staying friends with her is okay, maybe get a new fiance lol

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As long as your fiancé isn’t paying her any attention I think it’s ok

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You don’t get to tell your boyfriend’s family who they can or can’t talk to. Treat her like his female cousin and move on. Work on your own insecurities.

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I think if she’s giving you issues then you should say something. However you don’t have the right to tell his family who they can and can’t talk to.
I get that you feel threatened and want to be the only woman he’s been with that they talk to. But you might need to let it go and move forwards. For your own mental health if nothing else

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I’m friends with an ex and his mom says Hi to me all the time. They’re in a different state so there’s no visits or anything but there is no chance I’d leave my hubs for this person, or any person. That said, if you aren’t comfortable, speak up. You can’t control what they do but the fiancé can avoid her. If they don’t see an issue, you have 2 options; deal with it or move on without him.

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I’m in this situation right now with my son. He was with his ex for quite a few years. The family has a strong bond with her especially my teen daughters she’s like an older sister to them and has been since day one. They broke up on bad terms my son moved on. The new girlfriend doesn’t like that we (especially his sister’s) talk to her still and his they won’t come here, because “how are we supposed to get to know and bond with the new girl of the old one is still in our lives” personally I think it’s insecurities and unfair to the family. We’ve had to issue with the the new girl and are capable of Loving then both.l separately.

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I still talk and do social media with my boys exs they broke up that has nothing to do with me

I guess for me it would depend on the level of contact like… is she at family functions? Are they always talking about her? Etc
If they just keep in contact as a “hey hows life?” Type thing I wouldn’t bothered. Especially if they were together for a long time. People make connections that are hard to cut in an instant

You can’t be mad because she built relationships with his family. If she is still trying to get with your man then no it’s not okay. But don’t be insecure because she became a part of their life. Think of it as a good sign. They must be a good family to still treat her well and stayed in touch with her. I think you may be just a little jealous of her relationship with the family.

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It’s immature to think that other people should stop being friends with someone they’ve known for years just because a relationship didn’t work out. We stopped saying “I’m not friends with her so you can’t be friends either” in high school. That insecurity in your relationship is in you so even if she went away there would be something or someone else that would rear it up.

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I’m still close to my ex’s family. I dont see why it would be a problem. They are my kids grandparents and i consider them part of my family

I’m friends with the guy I lost my V card too at 16. And his family, my now boyfriend is fine with it because his ex that he’s only been separated from for almost 2 years is still in his life, they work together, he keeps in touch with her family as she does with his. They were together for 5 years. She’s very respectful of our relationship and he’s very open about the communication between them (mostly work stuff) and when she talks to his family (mostly his nana) she lets me know. I never asked for it but they do it out of respect I guess? Idk it doesn’t bother me. Sometimes exs are still liked or loved and wanted to be apart of the family and that’s okay. I feel as if they’re respecting the boundaries of your relationship then you’re just being insecure for no reason.

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They have know her since she was a child she is probably like family to them. If you continue to be threatened by her then you will drive a wedge between you and they family. If he wanted her or she wanted him they would be together. There is obviously a reason they are not. Why do t you try to befriend her. You don’t have to be besties but you can be civil. Kill her with kindness.

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You can’t control who his family communicates with but if he is … have this conversation with him

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Stuck it up, you want to be part of that family. You have no right telling them who they can or can’t talk to. Take that L and be happy with your fiance or maybe reevaluate the whole relationship if you can’t get over this. :woman_shrugging:t4:

His family owes you nothing, so they can have whoever in their lives that they want. If your man still had her in his life then perhaps you’d be able to stop it, but his family will continue communicating with her until THEY have a problem with her.

You’re just gonna have to block her, them, or both if you do not wish to see them conversing/commenting to each other and ask if and when she may be around to avoid seeing her in person.

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My sister left her husband & he is still very much family to us. We all hang out, talk, text. We don’t see him any different. That’s still my brother in law, that’s still my kids uncle, he will always be family no matter what.

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:flushed: I have 3 ex husbands unfortunately. Still friends with two of their families. Grow up. They don’t want each other anymore.
One of their new women had me as a Fb friend, talked to me all the time and all that good stuff. Soon as they got married she blocked me and his other friends. All that did was cause problems with my children and grandchildren. So think before u do

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People meet people in all sorts of circumstances, just because they change for some doesn’t mean they have to for others. I get where you are coming from and that you might feel threatened but if your relationship is secure then surely you don’t need to and people don’t need to stop talking to people, it’s how people roll

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I have two ex’s whose family still talks to me. I don’t communicate with my ex’s. You can’t tell someone they can’t communicate with someone just bc that’s your fiancés ex and it’s his family. If he’s not communicating with said ex. You should let it go and stop being so controlling over people not in your physical house hold.

The insecureness comes from your bf not reassuring you, I would try get to know her and that would decrease the awkwardness, it also lessens the chance of your fiance creating an entanglement and pinning you both against eachother

My brothers ex always remained a friend of our family. She was my friend first. Hold your head high and even though it may bother you don’t let on that it does. She’s his ex for a reason and he chose you.

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Do you trust him or not? :woman_shrugging:t4:

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Eliminate the problem

Leave if it bothers you. Nobody should have to question things like this constantly. Stay at Home Moms :fire:

I have been in contact with my ex’s family for over 20 years. I never see him or talk to him and have no interest in his life. We never speak of him either. But after knowing them for 3/4 of my life, they are my family too. They consider me their family. They are a group of wonderful people and I can’t imagine life without them.
My ex doesn’t care and is still in contact with my family as well.
There’s not always malicious intent.
I hope you can find a way to come to peace with it, if it’s possible. Wish you all the best!

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Leave. :woman_shrugging:t2: there’s alwYs gonna be issues. And if that is your boundary is it’s being broken, you are not wrong for feeling the way you do.

But if you just complain, and harbor those feelings to yourself…. You’re just making things miserable for you.
So. Leave. Find someone where things aren’t that complicated.

Talk to him about it. Tell him you’ve had trouble with her. My brother is still friends with his ex’s on social media as well. So am I. I never thought about it really. But it’s only him you need to talk to. Who his family are friends with is not relevant to yours and his relationship. Maybe they’ve known each other since childhood.

One step at a time. Patience and time heal many things.

You need to get over it. You’re actually being pretty immature about the whole thing. They’re not going to stop communicating with her just cause you’re engaged to your fiancé trust me. So either you need to let it go or let go of the fiancé. She’s been part of their family since your fiancé was a teenager. Don’t be thinking you can make them chose between you or her cause it won’t happen. You also need to be more open about what kind of problems from the ex that you make feel threaten for we can be more help. But like me and others have said let it go

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You can definitely set boundaries regarding her with your boyfriend…as far as his family goes, you cannot dictate their relationship with her, nor expect them to cut ties with someone who has been around since their teenage years just because you’re a little jealous. I’d take a back burner on this one and leave it be.

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Feel secure in your relationship honey. I still see my ex’s family. I may of divorced him but i didn’t divorce the family. Any new girlfriends for my ex felt threatened until they realized i was no threat to their relationship.

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Really depends on the dynamic of thier relationship, is she messaging them/him saying inappropriate things?is she involving herself if personal issues of you’re relationship with him/family? If none of that is happening and they only communicate via social media you shouldn’t feel threatened, if she is heck yeah you speak up

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They’re all adults, you can’t really stop them from being friends with her if they still are especially if they’ve stayed close since the teen years I’m sorry. I’m still friends with my ex’s family from when I was a teen, we were together for almost 5 yrs and I watched his little brother grow into a fine young man and his mom and grandmother are very sweet ladies, I really don’t care if it bugs him or his gf but I also don’t talk to him and her at all lol

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Stop being petty. He had a life b4 you.
Should they abandon every part of it just cause it didn’t involve you?

Honestly. I am still super close with my ex/baby daddies family. We were together for 9 years. 19-28 years old. We are family. Nothing will change that.

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My ex husband has been part of my family for close to 50 years. We divorced in 1989 . He would spend winters at my sisters and husbands homes . My deceased husband didn’t like it yet talked to his ex wife daily . So did I her and I got along great she was no threat to my life or marriage. Just because someone divorces or splits up doesn’t mean your family has to . Now my ex stays with me during the winter . He has his own room in my house. Says it just feels like home when he is here . It’s just comfy and cozy and he loves it here . Family is family and blood does not make a person family your heart does . Put your jealousy in check and you might find out you like her too

If there are children involved the ex will always be there in some fashion. Maybe they are being civil and keeping a good relationship going so they can have a relationship with their grandchildren like to be able to take them on trips or just spend time with them not solely during dad’s time.

If you have a secure relationship what’s the issue… Work on relationship trust…

Tell his family that they absolutely must cut all ties to her because you feel insecure about it. :unamused:

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I also was & is still friendly with my ex’s family. I adore my FIL & was there in the hospital with him before he died. Oh and I divorce the POS I was married to since 1976 !!

My ex still talks to my family as my baby sister and his baby sister are still Friends we aren’t friends and didn’t stay close after the relationship ended but my hubs also knows my family still likes him and he’s involved in things with them. We don’t see him much and my family knows not to talk with me about him as our relationship wasn’t good

That girl isn’t going anywhere. Her and his family have every right to keep in touch. Stop being immature and get over it and focus on you and your relationship.

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When you’re 100% secure in your relationship, things like this don’t tend to bother you to the point of posting on FB about it. You either trust your fiance or you don’t.

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If he isn’t talking to her and they aren’t passing messages between the 2 and his family isn’t being manipulative and inviting her to things like birthday parties, thanksgiving, Christmas….things of that nature I would just leave it alone. People can be friends with who ever as long as it not interfering with your relationship leave it alone.

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Calm down.
Try therapy

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I am in contact with my ex and his family on the regular. We have a son together tho. I have tried everything in my power to build a rapport with his Dad’s fiancee. She wants no part. I have had successful relationships with other gfs and the wife of my daughter’s father. Some women just can’t get over the fact he had a life before. Please do everything in your power to keep the peace. If she is doing it to spite you she will eventually get bored and find a new hobby. Don’t be petty and insecure. The better you feel about yourself the less you worry about others. I can tell you that from personal experience! We are all a work in progress and it’s never too late! Genuinely BEST OF LUCK❤️

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My mom told me “ You divorced him not me “ lol

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I think you’re being insecure and jealous. Reflect inwards why you feel this way.

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She is their friend, they may even consider her family. I’m sure you don’t want ppl telling you who to be friends with, especially since you aren’t a child.

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My husbands ex is very close to his parents it upsets me a lot but I honestly just ignore it. Unless my husband starts texting her all the time I’m not going to be upset

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:joy::rofl: I still call my ex MIL ‘mother-in-law’ when I see her. My ex has a key to my parents house! This is beyond petty! Move on with life, sis!

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You can’t control what his family does. Let your fiance know that it makes you uncomfortable when she’s around him and see if he’ll stop on his own…

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Well if me and my partner ever spilt I would still be friends with his sister and I would still hang out with his family because we have a child together. I’ve been with him and a part of their lives since I was 17… I suggest you get over it before you create a problem where there isn’t one

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Well obviously you don’t think he loves you enough to not ruin your relationship. You got to be able to trust your significant other. Sometimes people come into people’s lives and don’t leave and that’s okay I say as long as there’s not any secret stuff going on or private conversations I don’t see anything bad about it and you should probably let it go.

They are entitled to remain friends with her if they so choose. You do not get to dictate who they have relationships with based on your discomfort. That is on you. You need to MYOB. She’s his ex, not theirs.

Sounds kinda petty in my opinion. Just because it didn’t work out with them, his whole family is just supposed to cut her out of their lives? Of course you are entitled to your own feelings about the situation, but is it really worth it? Everyone is an adult, he is with you now, you trust him… why make an issue out of nothing? Everyone has a past. Including you. You divorce the person, not the family. Let this go or you may be the one who ends up on the outside here….

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I’m still in my ex’s family’s life… from 1995! However he has nothing much to do with them and I see them more. Believe me… wanting him hasn’t crossed my mind since the day we split!!!

I still talk to and see my existing family. He and I are on good terms and I adore his new gf.

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Make friends it will serve you well later

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Tyler Wallace why does this remind me of you and my family? :rofl::rofl: like when you got suspended at school and spent three days at my grandmothers house :skull::skull::skull:

It’s normal to feel that way - try being her friend since everyone else is and it seems like she’s a lifer so you’d have to adjust somehow

Personally, I feel you shouldn’t have to be dealing with these issues., Seems alot is not being told but aside from that,if your fiance is still communicating or if his family is bringing her name up in front of you or him., Then I would have a problem…this is y’alls life now and she is not in it! That ship sailed long ago for her, for what ever reason, this now is your family., Except for politeness every once in awhile and being cordial,she should find her new family…she’s being immature,not you!:point_up::rose:

My sister kept all her exes and was friends till the end with all of them and their spouses and children she was one in a million that loved all the way

They broke up doesn’t mean the family and her broke up I still consider my ex-husband’s cousin my cousin and go over to her house on a regular basis it sounds like you’re a little insecure and jealous

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Threatened by her ??? :thinking:

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As irritating as it may be to you, you can’t control who his family talks to. I still talk to my ex’s family and we’ve been split up for 11 years and I’m engaged to my current boyfriend of 10 years. I don’t speak to my ex, but his family was a big part of my life for years and we still consider ourselves family.

It’s not easy especially if they compare you to her or make remarks that you should be like her, or they wish it was her and not you. Just remember that he’s with you. It’s good to be on good terms! Have you tried having a relationship with her? It may help ease some of your anxieties. Self care is important you are unique and special and I’m sure your fiance loves you :purple_heart:

Run you will never measure up and it seems like it bothers you

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She has been around a lot longer than you. They will always pick her over you. Either learn to live with it or get out.

Put your big girl panties on and get over it. People don’t dump lifetime friends because a couple broke up.

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Fuck her and his family! :wave:

Get over it and stay in your Lane. Should not be your concern… he is with you, not her.

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Petty and childish in my opinion js

This would annoy me to :expressionless: so glad my man doesn’t talk to any exs

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I split from my husband for a couple years and then got back together during the two years we were separated I still had contact with his mom, she’s a beautiful lady the only difference is there was a child involved

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I’m still friends with both my ex’s family,we visit ,go out to dinner,and go to family events. The way I look at it, I left that person not his family, but that’s me.

(Barring seriously egregious circumstances), My DIL’s will ALWAYS be my dil’s, no matter what happens in their relationships with my sons.
They will always be the mother of my grandchildren, and will always be part of my extended family.
Anyone who wants to become a part of my family will need to be mature enough to understand and be comfortable with that.
It has nothing to do with disrespect for a new person, but everything to do with honoring my commitment to “family”. And in my home and heart, there’s always room for more family. There’s room for you too, if you can accept ALL of us as we are.

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