Am I wrong to cut off my childs biological father?

My son is two, and his biological father has never met him. We have had DNA, and he’s thousands in debt with child support. My child also has a stepdad, my boyfriend, who has been there since I was pregnant, and my son calls him daddy because that’s all he knows. My son is only 2. Every now and again, biological dad pops in. I do not keep the child from him; every time we have an arrangement, he backs out last minute. This morning we had a notarized custody agreement to show up for. I waited for two hours he never showed up or let anyone know anything. Around Christmas, he said he was on his way to my house then turned around because I wanted to make sure he had a proper car seat. Last summer, he swore up and down he was getting a lawyer, and I never heard from one. He’s just really inconsistent. He demands pics of my child when he does the message and has had me waste my and my child’s time several times. Am I a bad person for blocking him and telling him not to contact us and to have a lawyer do it if he ever gets one? I’m so tired of him popping in and out and lying and wasting my time.

332 Likes

Let him pop in.
Get that child support .
Put it in an account that kid can have when kid turns 21.
Kids gonna ask so tell him that dad had good qualities but everyone comes mixed
Its ok to seperate yourself from someone on the bad days.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Am I wrong to cut off my childs biological father?

2 Likes

tell him no contact with us again

So you say hes never met but he pops in and out which is it lol

If you decide to cut him off then you need to delete the child support as well.

31 Likes

good luck to you for sure. Your are going to need to go back to family court

I would cut him out completely and drop all child support. He won’t get rights back after being MIA this entire time.

I’m going through the same thing. Why not have your boyfriend petition for adoption? We are in the process of doing that!

3 Likes

I had the same problem with my sons bio dad and after the 5th time of not showing up for visitation i set it up with children and youth and court ordered his parental rights be permanently terminated. I protected my son from a complete no show, no care in the world, worthless “father”. When my son turns 18 and wants to meet, he has that right. Till then i dont speak of his bio dad or let his father know info or contact whatsoever.

2 Likes

Well, 1st, unfortunately you have to forgive yourself for having a child with a worthless father (took 2)… You also unfortunately, have to be the bigger person.:pensive: The child wont even remember this part; but there will be a bond from being the bigger person; whether a good or bad one. Get a calendar & keep track of inconsistencies. If he’s doin too much mentally, take that calendar to courts & cut him off. If that doesnt work; jus know as a mother, you may have made a mistake & didnt get to kw the real him from the door… JUS CONTINUE TO SHOW YOUR CHILD; YOU LOVE THEM & AS LONG AS THE CREEK DOESNT RISE; YOU’LL BE THERE. The way the laws are set; they really dont care abt the BEST interest… BUT YOU HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING FOR THE BEST… & trust it isnt easy, bcuz the kid will side with the damn fool at times… WHEN THEY GROWW UP THO; THEY FIGURE IT OUT & THEY KW… HOPEFULLY… DEEP DOWN; THEY KW WE DID ALL WE COULD​:wink:

My mom always left it up to us if we wanted to see our real dad. She did not have anything I do with him. We always had my Fatman aka or step dad. When me and my bro got older we kind of got to know our real dad. But we did not really have a relationship with him for about 20 years.

I would not block him if he chooses to take you to court it looks better if you allow him to be involved even though he chooses not to be

2 Likes

At the end you need to protect your child
At this moment he only 2 and does really understand but as he gets older he will and then the disappointment will be real.
Since his actions are out of your control don’t stop him but make arrangements to met u in the park and if he does does show well at least u had a nice day in the park. And since u prove for him let his lawyer and court deal with his child support that the best. I been there my kid is now 24 and her relationship with her father isn’t great but thats on him which he deals me but he never was there for her child breaking promises left n right

The more people who love your child the better off he will be. One day the dad will realize what he did but for now anything is better than nothing. Kids love without conditions especially when it comes to mom and dad. I’m sure your child loves his father no matter how little he sees him.

4 Likes

Just because he was the sperm donor doesn’t make him a dad

8 Likes

I would tell him it will be his job to explain why he wasn’t around. Bc you stayed and so did your bf who has no obligation to do so.

Then cut him off but don’t ask for money. Let it ALL go. Don’t be bitter over money, that’s not what’s important here.

I would consult your attorney on what your legal rights are in your state. My son has never met his biological father but he pays support every month. We also have a custody order but he cannot see my son without my permission and it’s supervised but again has never met my son. I don’t suspect he ever will.

2 Likes

I believe if there’s inconsistency then you are doing the right thing by your child. It will only stack up against him when court proceedings happen. Don’t feel bad about it.

2 Likes

Go to court for custody. If he doesn’t show you get sole custody and never have to hear from him again.

2 Likes

You’re not wrong. you’re doing whats best to protect your childs emotional well being cuz even though he’s very young now soon hell be old enough to understand what abandonment feels like when the father promises him things&don’t deliver whether it be a gift,visit,outing or whatever then he’ll be hurt&you as the mother will have to explain&wipe those tears away&cry cuz your child is hurt so no you’re not wrong let him go through the courts&no i wouldn’t stop taking his child support cuz the child is his financial responsibility as well🤷but where you are [email protected] having him call another man daddy cuz that had to be taught to him he didn’t just do it on his own&this is just a boyfriend who’s to say how long he’ll be around&when you break up with him will he still be around playing the part ijs even if he did thats not his father so NO you shouldn’t have him calling another man daddy no matter if he’s in his life or not. I could understand if he was a lot older&can understand that this is the man thats been in my life&been that father figure&choose to on his own then it would be ok but [email protected] old

If there is a court order than you need to make reports with police for your record. You only need 3 reports before you can stop visits. If no court order is available than you can do what you want with him until you go to court

Block him…I went through this fir many years. I didn’t want to be “immoral” and keep my daughters dad from her so I never told him no and I regret it now. My child is 12 now and has anger issues because if the neglect. Its too much on the children. They don’t understand why their parent is there and capable and then non existent. Its very sad. I wish I hadn’t tried to force their relationship and I wish I had told him that it’s ALL OR NOTHING

7 Likes

It’s never ok to keep a parent from their child. Whether he is inconsistent or not.

7 Likes

Damn that sounds just like my life with my child father :woman_facepalming:t4::woman_facepalming:t4::woman_facepalming:t4:no u not wrong one thing I do is I will never run after a man to be a father I’ll replace u if it got that point an I did my child is 9 an she know what’s going on so I don need to tell no lie :woman_shrugging:t4: bd will feel it when they grow up an ask the question they been avoiding “why was u not there”

As someone who had a father in and out of my life I would say you are doing the right thing. If I had a step dad that was there for me I would have not held it against my mother when you son is old enough he can make the choice for himself if he would like to get to know that man. Other then that I think you are doing the right thing, you have given multiple chances and he doesn’t seem to be doing right by your child and also as someone who cannot have children I still say you are doing the right thing because in the end you are protecting your child having a parent come in and out of your life makes you wonder why and at times I think it makes children wonder why they were not go enough or things like that.

I have similar circumstances except mine can’t stay out of jail. I know you reached out for advice and most will tell you that you’re wrong.

Well I’m here to tell you, that only you know what’s best for your kids in your situation. In some cases having the other parent around will do more harm than good. Protect your babies and their feelings at all costs, no kids deserves their first heartbreak be from a parent.

This site should be changed from dearly Nails 2 to “mom advice needed”. Maybe just me, but I get more no life questions on my feed than cute nails.

Just concentrate on helping your son grow into a well adjusted young man.
You haven’t cut out biological parent, he has done that.

Sorry,
But run honey!
Especially if he was a jerk!

You have every right to block him until he gets an attorney and goes to court. You can only try so much.

1 Like

No you’re not. Your child needs consistency and he’s not it. Take him to court for sole/legal custody. That’s what I did to protect my child. Same stupid shit. They don’t deserve to wonder what they did wrong and internalize it because eventually that’s what happens. And it’s not their fault at all. Just some selfish man who doesn’t put them first. She knows her Dad but also knows who her Daddy is. My boyfriend of over 4 years. He’s here for her everyday and she started calling him Dad in preschool. Her biological fathers loss. Don’t waste money on an attorney. Just go to the help desk and they’ll guide you.

Your boy is 2 and has never met him and of it was me I would keep it that way. At this age he won’t be affected but as he gets older and his dad doesn’t turn up and let’s him down the poor lad will has issues. Your ex really doesn’t care less because if he did he would be seeing him as much as he could. If it ever comes up or when he is of an age to tell him who his dad is then so be it but I would let him have a loving home
With you and his stepdad and be a carefree child

1 Like

I’m not sure what state your in but in nj after 6 months of no shows, you can file for abandonment and full custody or to terminate his rights.

7 Likes

The absolute best way to go about any of this is legally. You had a notarized meet up or whatevs but you should do like a court ordered custody agreement. And keep any and all messages or attempts that he backs out of and if he actually pulls through keep that too. The child deserves to make his own decisions about his bio father but he’s obviously too young right now, and that doesn’t mean that his dad deserves to have anything to do with him. I think you should do whatever you gotta do to protect your son so he doesn’t have an extensive amount of emotional trauma to heal from when he’s older.

Cut the deadbeat off totally. Allie doing is confusing your son by allowing this idiot to control you.

4 Likes

I went through this with my youngest son’s father. Then after he was consistent for about 6mos he started getting over night visits. My son started coming back crying, bruises, and he would keep him past the time he was supposed to. So I cut him out my son hasn’t seen him since he was 3 he’s now going on 11. My husband is adopting him and his father will have no rights. Sometimes bio isn’t better. And my son told my husband the other day, that we never pushed his dad away but we gave him an actual dad.

Also, it’s not fair to you to put forth all this effort to get dad involved and he probably thinks he’s father of the year because he demand a picture every couple months. :nauseated_face:

1 Like

Girl I have been dealing with that for now going on 13years. Even my daughter called him one time and he hung up on her. I have never fought for full custody or done anything for him not to see her…I don’t want her to ever think I prevented him from seeing her. One day when she’s 18 I know she will have many questions for him but at that time she can make her own decision on what she wants to do with him. As for now when he sees her he does and when he stands her up she sees that. But every parent is different. You do what you feel best for your baby :two_hearts::100:

2 Likes

Is he really fighting to see him? My ex barely wanted them or to pay support.
I was alone with 5 kids, I got a job and a few promotions, bought a home with a big pool
I had a stroke in June 2016, and no one called me again.
All 5 kids turned their backs.

Then to find out 3 days ago that all of these years, they have all kinds of outtings and family time.
2 kids talk to me.
But no one discusses the elephant in the room! I all of the years, 6 years and back, he wasn’t around and told the kids it was cause I was a biotch. My kids talk and treat me the way he does, and did.
But now that I’m used up, he’s Disney land dad.

Let him take you to court. Keep all the convos of you and him backing out on the planned meetings. Use that as evidence. Let’s see, he’ll regret that he took this to court.

My grandchildren have deadbeat dads… They are 17 (boy) and 16 (twin girls). They all would have been better off if my daughter had completely cut ties with them for the sake of her children. What few times they have seen them has always brought about more pain and problems worrying about daddies that obviously do not care about them except when they have sworn to straighten up and my daughter have let them use a room at her house to get back on their feet. She has never received child support unless you count a handful of checks from the companies they worked for before they quit once they discovered child support would be taken out of their check. They have no concern, love, compassion, or even any kind of interest in their children. My daughter has never kept them or their parents, who show about the same level of care for my grandchildren as their sperm diners do. The kids realized at a fairly young age (8 or so) that their fathers would never care. They still tried to get their love or even their acknowledgement for several more years before they now harbor bitterness toward them and it affects everything they do and every relationship they have. They both have children with other people that they treat the same way. I am so sick of seeing my grandchildren hurt by these worthless people. I sincerely wish my grandchildren had never known them. I can’t imagine that the pain of not having any contact with them would be any greater than on again off again pain that just accumulates. Should they ever change I would fully support their place on the children’s lives. However, the damage to them has been done. Years of therapy already has not changed the abandonment they feel.

1 Like

Nope be consistent or be absent. My sperm donor done that when i was a child and it really messed with me

“He turned around because I wanted to make sure he had a proper car seat”

Yeah I wouldn’t keep driving if I knew I was gonna get there n still not take my son without my own car seat…why couldn’t you just send ur son with his car seat?

If you decide to cut him off, do it legally and final. Don’t feel sorry for him or feel like it is your place to help him fix himself. He needs to get his act together on his own before he has earned a place in your child’s life.

2 Likes

What are the best interests for your child? Obviously my opinion is not going to be a popular one here according to the other comments, but I t’s not about you and your feelings or time anymore. Unless there are concerns about possible abuse, you owe it to your child to at least keep attempting to let him know his biological father. No, it’s not an ideal situation. It’s heartbreaking to watch your child be disappointed time after time. But, do you want there to come a time when your son grows up and decides he’s angry with you because you didn’t at least try to let him have a relationship with his biological father? Ultimately, the decision is up to you as to what you feel is the correct decision for your child, but keep in mind that it is not for your benefit of less stress and should be for the benefit of your child making his own conclusions about the people in his life in the long run and that he should have no doubts as to what could have been if only his mother would have made the effort for him.

10 Likes

No its not wrong at all. I did extactly the same thing when my twins boys were 4. My husband and i were trying to keep him in their life. We would go to his house which was his moms house on the weekend and soend the day there so they could see him but he would always leave with whatever girlfriend he had at the time. My husband was there since i was preggo with them too. We didnt get married till 5 years later so at the time he was just my boyfriend. The steaw for me was one easter they were 4 he bought a basket coyldnt believe it was shocked well he drops it off and it was one basket one thing of squeeze cheese one thing of crackers out of ritz box pack of 8 crayons a coloring book abd a pack of lifesavers. How do i split that into 2 kids. And dont say he didnt have money because he did he made good money no bills to pay. His sister is my best friend she was there the whole time so no excuse to miss birthdays or get togethers. Cabt say he felt uncomfortable we all grew up together even my hubby and him did. They were good friends as they went seperate ways in high school but wheb they were little they played together. So we all knew eachother. And dont get rid of child support. If he doesnt want to be there consistently thats his fault but he helped make them babies and there is a financial responsibility whether he wants them or not. Mine paid on time every week for 18 years because he was afraid of jail from what his sister said. My kids are now 19 years old. One of my twins got intona bit of trouble at 17 and it was a fight he was in because some dude tried to sexually assualt his girlfriend so he punched the dude once and knocked him out. Well dude tried to lie say it was a random robbery. So my son missed christmas that year because he was in juvie unless he could prove his innocense. They say ur innocent until proven guilty but they took the other guys side and tbought he was a risk smh. So anyways he had the nerve to call me and ask why i didnt tell him about this. Im sorry u worried now after 17 years. Where were u all them years or when they was sick. I left a diaper bag at his house because we rushed one of them to the hospitak due to a high fever like 104 just for teething but at the time we didnt know and he brought the diaper bag to us cause his mom couldnt and his baby is sitting there with cold rags on him sitting on my boyfriebd he just gave me the bag and left. Didnt even care or ask if he is ok. So i would say do what will make u and urs happy. I told my boys at 18 well almost 18 and they dont have no desire to see him. They said they have their father. So if he is not trying to be there let him go. Its up to u on the child support but i wasnt letring it go just because he dont want to be there he still has to take some responsibility.

Rule number one, always protect your child. If this situation is hurting your child then step away from it.

4 Likes

My mom had this issue with my brother’s dad. Eventually she just gave up on him completely, if he paid child support he did if not he didn’t. She just completely stopped communicating with him. Same with my father

3 Likes

And what’s a little bit of wasted time if it means your son having his father in his life, you’ll see the damage later. Even if step daddy is amazing… ur son is gonna grow up wondering why his dad didn’t want to be around him… but really it wasn’t good enough for MOMMY.

20 Likes

You keep on keeping on ! You have to do what you feel is right for you, your son and your bf! Do not feel like you need to keep trying to get the bio to participate, not your job it’s his if he wants to be a father to HIS son if not so be it!

Going through the same thing girl. His dad didn’t even see him on his birthday earlier this month and stopped by last week for maybe five minutes. Said he’d call that night around seven and haven’t heard from him since.

My child thought his uncle ( bio- dad) was just his uncle till we broke it down to him after he graduated hs… he didn’t talk to us for Months… he is 25 and we have a “decent “ relationship but still strained… as I explained to him… sperm donor knew about him, saw him as it was convenient for him, and then requested gas $ to leave my house :joy: he stopped coming around when I explained.
I never asked for child support
But on the same note I’m not going to pay him to come see his child … no my son doesn’t speak to his bio

2 Likes

You ARE doing the right thing. And you are NOT wrong by any means. And I’d honestly beat him to it… the lawyer that is. And I’d build up my case and go for full 100% custody and have his rights taken away. You don’t want your baby growing up with a “dad” like that at all. I left mine while I was pregnant… after I told him he gave me the money for an abortion and said it’s all gone be ok. Yeah eff you. I threw the money back at him and told him no I was keeping my baby rather he helped or not. Not even a couple weeks later I found out seen it with my own eyes he was talking to a 12 year old on Facebook planning to meet up with her. 12 EFFING YEARS OLD!!! I left and never looked back. And I thank god I didn’t. Him nor any of his family have ever laid eyes on my child. She is now 6 years old. Happy healthy and so very loved. She has a real daddy and a little brother. I have been with my significant other since she was about a year and half old. I didn’t bring her around him until a few months after her 2nd birthday. And you’d never know he wasn’t her biological father unless I said so… I don’t know how I will explain this to her or if I even want to. Or if I’ll have to one day…, but for now we are happy healthy and grateful. Stay strong mama!

I won’t deal with it.
There is no come and go, or running of the mouth. Either be there for the child or go away for good.
I birthed the child, I’ll raise that child myself. Im not for the once a year father, be gone.
You do what you feel is best for the child.

5 Likes

I never blocked either of my children’s fathers from them. My son( now 34 ) grew up with anger issues toward his bio-dad because he basically denied being his father ( although he looks like his clone ). He wrote him off at 16 years old. My daughters (now 24 ) bio-dad was inconsistent throughout her childhood and in her teens she told me that she understood that he created her but really wasn’t a Dad to her but more of a fun uncle and that her step dad was a real Dad. Your baby is only 2 and doesn’t quite understand much yet but damage is being done. See what the family courts say in this case as laws vary from state to state. You have to do what’s best for your child.

Depending on your state… if they have zero contact n haven’t paid any form of CS you can file for abandonment to remove his rights

5 Likes

Cut him off girl!!! Kids need consistency in their lives to be stable and to develope key components mentally and emotionally.

6 Likes

Go to court and ask for full custody then set visitations and then when he doesn’t abide by them, go back to court with a motion to show cause. that way he can’t fight you. Everything will be documented.

7 Likes

Truthfully, I wouldnt poke the bear. Send him an occasional pic. If he wants to meet, dont go unless he says hes waiting. My son has a child hes never met, or wanted to meet. She started dating a guy when she was pregnant. About 16 years ago, he adopted my grandson. In every way that matters, hes my grandson’s dad. I’d let him keep racking up child support arrears. It could be a good bargaining tool down the road.

If he doesn’t want to be a full time parent your son has someone that does. Cut him off.

6 Likes

No but it would be good to have a written log of everything with dates

3 Likes

I’d have already filed for his rights.

2 Likes

Just let the court take care of it and enjoy your life

5 Likes

Get a lawyer. Get sole custody. Be done with him.

I think that is the best thing to save that baby from disappointment. He seems to have a fit relationship with your boyfriend. When the father gets a lawyer that’s when he’ll be serious about a relationship with your son.

Nope I did he had no contact . Was toxic and threatened her and me physically has paid zero dollars for her no cs

My daughter’s father did this to her growing up. He did see her a few times but always for a short time. At 3 years old my daughter couldn’t handle the change with her father and her mind set herself back to an infant stage. We had to teach her everything over again and she had to see a therapist 2 times a week. She is 19 now and never once did she blame me for her father issues. My advice is you are his mother and only you know what’s best for your son. Try to keep your feelings out of it. If you keep letting his father be in his life try to not tell your son where you are going or who he is gonna see until he actually shows up. That way your son won’t be let down. I hope this helps.

1 Like

Nope! I cut mine off for the same reasons……if they have a problem they can take me to court, then I can at least get child support . Sorry not sorry!!

honestly it’s all about the responsibility if he doesn’t even show up how can you trust him leaving him with a child even worse your child!! he has a dad in his life :heart: he does not need to beg for love neither responsibility. Let your child decide once he gets older and able to fend for him self. There is bad people out there you never know

PUT HIM IN A CASKET!!! :speaking_head::speaking_head::speaking_head: I’m lying​:rofl::rofl: but fr tho why y’all so hostile.

Sounds like he cut himself off :woman_shrugging:t5: killed two birds with one stone!

Fck that. Let the loser get a lawyer( can’t afford one if he nots supporting that child). He will end up losing for evading his responsibility. The only thing I would give him is :fu:t3:be gone

I would say consult a lawyer and let the courts handle it. Im kinda in the same boat my 4 kids dad hasnt seen the kids since Easter. He does pay child support and we have a custody agreement and he just chooses not to follow it… In his mind its my responsibility to contact him to see when he should see the kids. I personally feel i shouldnt have to contact u for you to come see your kids it should be the other way around since i have them 95% of the time. If they do hear from him its usually only bc my oldest will be in a party with him on Xbox… Also i think in his mind hes a good dad bc hes paying me and supporting hos children that way. Im sorry your going through this and hope you get a resolution.

My sons bio dad wasn’t involved for 6 years. Then out of nowhere files for custody. Only received visitations rights. Followed those for a year and then disappeared. I cut off contact and decided if he wanted to be involved take me back to court. My son is 14 now and hasn’t seen his bio dad since he was 7. You have every right to protect him from inconsistent father. My husband has been involved since my son was 2 and that’s all he needs. He knows who is bio dad is. But has made it know he wants nothing to do with him until he is ready and I fully respect that.

1 Like

He already has a Dad. Do not even begin to justify that behavior. It can be even more damaging than him being gone all together. Of he’s already had a Dad since pregnancy why push a relationship with a man who is not responsible nor dependable. He will hurt your child. Cut him off. Terminate his rights. You need full custody

5 Likes

I wouldn’t block him, but I wouldn’t respond either. It ain’t like he gone come over to get him. Let him keep racking up back payments and go on about your business.

Girl I’ve been where you are and i still am 8 years later. My daughter has a step dad who came into our lives when she was 10 months old. Her bio dad only came around when he was trying to play dad to impress his new girlfriends. After about 6 years he started doing better then vanished again. Hell he couldn’t even remember her age or birthday. I’d cut him off. If he really wants to see him he’ll get a lawyer.

Block the MF and let a judge decide. Hell there is Child support to recover …if he dies your child is entitled to his death benefits, if he recovers or receives any money Lottery, Casino, Car wreck. cha ching!!! Just sit back and count your money Sister!!! However do not waste another moment of your life trying to accomodate is selfish ass. You go be that Supermom that you are!!! Now go drop your son off at grandma’s and get yourself a BigOle Glass Of Wine!!! Cheers Bitches!!!:wine_glass::wine_glass::wine_glass::wine_glass::wine_glass:

No. If he don’t show that he is the best interest for the child… blocked

2 Likes

Do a log and then go to court

3 Likes

Your two year old doesn’t really know what is going on now, when he gets older he will begin to feel the disappointment. Please keep a calender and notes of everything. I would give him a time limit on showing you that he is serious about being in his child’s life. What about his family?

3 Likes

God girl cut him off. He’s doing more damage than good. Your son doesnt need a father like that in his life. You shouldn’t have to deal with his crap. Block him…delete and whatever else you need to do to get him out of your life.

My kids Dad has only ever met our son… He got me pregnant with our daughter then fcuked off again… I was 4 months pregnant with my daughter when I met a man that stepped up to be Daddy and he has always loved and treated them like they were his own flesh and blood… As far as my children will ever know is that he is their Dad… Not the scum that made them but didn’t raise them… They are 7 & 8 now and unfortunately I’m not with their Dad anymore… But he will always be there for “our” kids…

Go to family court and request mediation and an order for visitation and if he never shows up then you have your answer. Kids need structure, stability and unconditional consistent love from their parents. He either will get it together or go away him self but I would think the guilt of you just cutting ties would eat at you.

U have established paternity now call legal aid if u can’t afford an attorney give u full custodial rights. With no court ordered visitation. That way he doesn’t get some girlfriend who wants to play momma a couple weekends a month and u are forced to allow visitation with out a custody order the police can not make a biological parent give the child to the other parent. But they can force a step parent to esp in heaven forbid something happened to u.
My snl offersd to forgive her exs back child support if he signed over his rights he did. …she didn’t keep the child from him just made all contact go through my father in law and if he saw the kid it was at our convince

I understand it’s frustrating for you but unfortunately, and I know I’m probably a minority here, I don’t feel it’s your right to make that choice. I will admit I had a similar situation with my middle child. His father was in jail more than he was out and while he had plenty of chances he didn’t really come to visit much. I still offered and continue to do so even though my son is almost 18 now. My son is autistic but still tells me he understands that it was nothing I did that kept his dad away and I made sure he understood it was nothing he did either. I learned over the years to always offer the father a chance but I didn’t tell my son unless he asked if his father was coming. Avoids unnecessary disappointment but still let’s your son know you tried.

SNIP SNIP
Cut his ass off and make it legal

No, as a mom we are only obligated to taking care of Our children. Not chasing the dudes that want to play daddy when it’s convenient for them! After my husband and I got married, he was there for my son’s birth as well. Sperm donor did the same as yours! (He’s not on my son’s birth certificate) there was DNA testing done. I stopped child support! The courts finally made him sign his rights over!! He has no ties to My son! We couldn’t be happier!

4 Likes

This is very similar to my sons story. He is now almost 14. The first 7yrs he had nothing to do with him bar the occasional visit. My partner at the time was his “daddy”. My now ex-partner is still his dad and we even share 50/50 custody. His dad still sees him from time to time (1 a yr). When he was about 10 he had questions about his father, i just told him his dad wasnt ready to be a dad but does love him, and he has a ‘dad’ that loves him very much. I decided not to cut out the biodad as its not my choice, that is my sons choice. I send biodad pics, school reports and any milestones or awards he gets. I never get any reply. My advice is to just keep doing as you are but if biodad ask to see him then let him, send him pics, inform him of how your son is. Ultimately any choice for you to cut him out should come from your son when he is old enough or you run the risk of your son hating you when he is older.

He is the one choosing not to be in the child’s life. I would close all the doors and wait for a attorney.

1 Like

Nope sounds very inconsistent bad for a child…

5 Likes

Get yourself a good attorney and see if the biological father will allow the other man to take over. I have a similar situation with my ex husband

Nope not at all wrong !!! Why have someone in his life that has showed countless and countless times he is not wanting a relationship!!! He is continuing to not only let you down but most importantly let your child down !!! If he wants a relationship with his child
Which he’s proven he obviously doesn’t then he needs to get a lawyer and take you to court !!! You shouldn’t have to keep trying over and over again when he hasn’t even tried at all !!!

Let the Court Terminate his Parental Rights.

5 Likes

Girl, do we have the same baby father? Lol

Block and enjoy your family-
if he wants to see his son, he knows what to do.

2 Likes

Having the same DNA doesn’t make him a Dad. Leave him to his own conscience.

My sons father was like this and it damaged him, greatly. His dad has since passed and he didn’t even shed a tear b/c he had been hurt so bad and didn’t really know him. I continued to let his dad pop in and out, thinking I was doing the right thing, but I wasn’t aware how much damage that really caused my son emotionally. Children need consistency and stability.

It’s too confusing for the child…let him decide when he’s 18 if he wants to know biological…right now he has a real daddy and that’s okay…

5 Likes