Am I wrong to want more than just a paycheck?

Girl I thought I wrote this for a second!! This is my exact situation except instead of Snapchat it’s Xbox!

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A man or women will change for the right person I’m sorry. If you’ve asked him multiple times and it hasn’t changed it’s not going to.

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But how does he treat you? I mean he is obviously doing some major slacking in his role as husband and father, but is he good to you? Like isn’t mean, tells you your pretty, and shows affection to you and the kids? If so, fight for your man sister. Tell him everything you just told us, tell him you can’t do it alone anymore but you love him and want it to work so he better step it up :100:

He sure would have to pay a lot of child support, but if he isn’t participating in the upkeep of his family he needs to go

l get paid over $110 per hour working from home. l never thought I’d be able to do it but my buddy makes over $15463 a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The possibility with this is endless.

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I am in the same boat but with video games. I’ve had it but don’t want my boys to have a broken home.

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No. You are not wrong for wanting and needing more. He should be sharing all of those obligations. It is not only a woman’s job to do all that. And those obligations are just the bare minimum. You deserve better, your kids deserve better and he should be the one living not you and your kids. He needs a wake up call. And if he’s not willing to make the effort for you, for the love he feels for you, then go girl. Get yourself another man to love, or not, but one that will reciprocate appropriately and treat you and your children well.

You are already doing everything what do you need him for you deserve love, attention, help, an involved person I couldn’t deal with a man that thinks a pay check is all he has to pit in to the relationship my husband works full time he food shops, cleans, does laundry, cooks etc!!! and take good care of me That’s how it supposed to be

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Are you in love? Totally different from loving someone. Your feelings are 100 percent valid. He should be helping out more. Why is it fair for you to do everything and then-some? Hell stop doing everything for him and see if he starts doing his own laundry and picking up after himself. Your suppose to be a team and not his mother. If he wants to be treated that way then he needs to move back in with his mom.

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Definitely not wrong for wanting more. Mine works a full time manual labor job and still does the dishes, all the laundry anything “manly” I need help with. Takes out the trash. Goes grocery shopping with me.

Nope,my mama always told me,if you have to do it all.yourself anyway you dont need a partner, i think you should leave and get your divorce,your doing it yourself anyway,he will be made to pay child support,and you will still get bi weekly money ,he is never gonna change nor help you

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Since the only thing you’re getting from him is a paycheck, just divorce him. He’ll be paying child support & you’ll still be doing it by yourself BUT you’ll have one less person to clean up after & cook for.

Get yourself a good divorce lawyer and move on. There are good guys out there and you deserve to be happy. Take the time to realize what you want AND need in a relationship to be happy. You will be so much happier once you figure that out. Best of luck!

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That word l o v e always make u stay n do it all if u r fed up get up n go u do not need him unless u get his pay check ???

Nothing like a massive manchild to help you in life. Staying wirh him because it’s easier then being on your own is a freeking piss take. Love is not everything. Don’t just put up with crap and bad behaviour just because one income is better than two.

You better start loving yourself

A lot of things have already been said but the bottom line is this, those kiddos want and need a happy mom, if mom isn’t happy, it may be time to reevaluate some things.

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You’re a single mom, whether you chose to believe it or not.

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How specific are you in your requests. A lot of men, just like kids, will respond to general requests for help with a general answer.

Be specific. Straight up tell him: Bobby needs to be at soccer practice at 6:00, Susie needs to be at softball at 5:30. I’ll take Susie, but you must take Bobby. Or alternatively, the lasagna is in the fridge. Please put it in the oven at 350 at 6:00 and set the table. Most guys will step up if you give them a specific task. If he doesn’t help, then look for other ways to lighten your load. Maybe split time with another parent at one of the after school activities so you aren’t having to take all the kids everywhere.

You are defeating yourself by allowing this trainwreck to happen to your family and chances are he will never change.

You deserve MORE! Time to really evaluate your life. See an attorney to find out legally what are your options. Divorce sounds good or maybe a legal separation would wake up Mr. Do Nothing.

l get paid over $110 per hour working from home. l never thought I’d be able to do it but my buddy makes over $17524 a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The possibility with this is endless.

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Sounds like you don’t really need him, you do it all yourself and all he does is pay child support already anyways

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Speaking from the standpoint of a woman who divorced her husband over his obsession with video games- loving someone shouldn’t leave you feeling miserable. He should be your equal not like one of kids. He only does what he does bc you allow it. If leaving isn’t something you want to do then you have to change things. Give him an ultimatum AND STICK TO IT bc when you say you’re going to leave over & over but don’t that tells him he can do whatever he wants bc your not going anywhere. Id tell him you’re trading places for one day, If he agrees sit there while he has to do everything you do & don’t get up to help him regardless & I say this bc he needs to see what it’s like to work fulltime come home and do everything for everybody while your partner sits on the couch playing video games or on his ph like he doesn’t have a care in the world. It might seem ridiculous but it’ll work and if it doesn’t u have to decide is this what you want the rest of your life to be like, if the answer is still NO then you gotta make him leave. You’ve been living as a single mom already & it’ll be one less person to take care of & his child support for 5 kids would probably equal out about the same as what your getting from him now but you’ll be single & you’ll find the right man one day who appreciates & respects you bc right now you’re with somebody who doesn’t hun & you deserve more! Every morning when you wake up will you do something for me? Stand in front of your mirror and tell yourself- I AM WORTHY, I AM STRONG, I AM BEAUTIFUL, I AM INDEPENDENT & I DERSERVE HAPPINESS. Over time you will finally see all the things that you truly already are & probably don’t see it and realize you deserve better and settle for nothing but that!! I know it’s scary, it hurts, it’s life changing but is living a life in what short time we have here on earth that you’re unhappy with worth it? You already know the answer sweetie.

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First I know this may be unpopular but there may be too many extracurriculars. If your week is just running constantly when do you guys have family time together? Also if you do separate will you be able to work a job and handle the full schedule? Second it’s time to sit down your husband and tell him that this is the last time you have this conversation about his unwillingness to participate in the family and marriage. Now you’ve said this before and he prob isn’t going to believe your serious and you may feel like it’s two card time. (Therapist or lawyer) Good luck

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Girl you already know this answer, I would definitely try marital counseling or divorce. Maybe ask yourself is he worth your love ? You can’t really credit someone for “keeping a job” … you have to set the standards a little higher than that.

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Heck spend his money and live your life.

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I am a SAHM now but even when I worked full-time I was an active participant who cleaned, ran errands, and cared for the children so my husband could have a break too. Now that I am the SAHP, he comes home and takes over for a while so I can recharge. You don’t realize until you are doing it just how hard being a SAHP is. Maybe try to communicate your needs through having him walk in your shoes for a weekend?

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Might try that every one in the family has to put their phone is a box or whatever and no TV or computer until all the work is done.

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No it should be 50/50

Leave for a weekend and stay at a hotel
See how he manages without you
Also I don’t know anyone old enough to have 5 kids hanging out on Snapchat and TikTok with their “friends”

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Perhaps you could leave him with the kids on a day he has off and let him see that you need help.

Instead of leaving. get a job & stop doing everything around the house.

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Wow… we make sure our kids help out with chores and not one of them does more than the other. Why isn’t it the same with mom and dad? That’s so strange… Things need to change.

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I thought this is what all men do!??! :rofl::rofl::rofl: seriously I work full time and do all of the cleaning he occasionally will do something if I ask him to. Very rarely does he put in the effort without me asking or catching an attitude from being irritated cuz he just lays on the couch watching his Damm phone. But we only have 1 kid.

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Your love will turn to hate if he doesn’t help you. Stop letting him take advantage of you. A wise man once told me that People only get away with what you let them get away with

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Omg it is like you are describing my life but I have 6 kids abs hubby worlds nightshirt and yep on his phone 100% of the time I’ve tested it and hours and hours on end ! Even takes to toilet and walks around etc
I find it rude and basically ignoring

Every day before work he gives us a long list of things that must be done before he gets back home
Expects wayyyy too much from the kids.

It’s easier alone than depending on someone who doesn’t follow through. Stop putting your pay towards the bills. Set up an account just for you & save money to get a place for you & the kids. After 6-12 months without you he might learn he needs you. If not file for divorce, full custody & child support.

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Talking hasn’t helped. Next step counseling. Then soul searching. Decide if you can live with it or not. If you can, just sludge forward. If you can’t and want more, get yourself together physically, emotionally and financially and move on. Don’t give up the counseling. You’ll need that for a while. Kids might need it too.

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What’s to love about him?
I think what you love is the Idea of Family, and being married, and the “security” of being married. But the security of marriage is an illusion, and it doesn’t sound like he is really a participating member of the family.
I bet you’ll be much happier and feel better once you ditch the dead weight husband.
Alternatively, you could use some of the communal “paycheck” to hire a housekeeper or carpool driver, to give yourself some free time and a break. If you don’t make yourself a priority, no one else will, and you can’t pour from an empty cup.

Here is a few things that you could do

  1. he doesn’t want to help with anything ? … stop doing everything for him , make him do it his self … he needs to buy his own groceries and cook his own food , do his own laundry , if your helping pay for his car then stop , he needs to pay for his own car … make him sleep on the couch

  2. you have expressed how you feel to him and that you need his help … and he is choosing to disrespect you and your feelings … find someone who will help you out and not make you do everything yourself … love yourself enough to leave him

You can get a monthly check called child support and do it on your without having to deal with him not doing anything

Other than wash the floors and take out the garbage my spouse doesn’t do much else. He expects I do all the cooking. I give him shit for being so lazy. And he is constantly playing a game on fb. And he would rather stay on his game than spend quality time with his son.

No more dinner’s for him, don’t do his laundry or anything. He won’t be long getting off the phone

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Live with it with 5 children. He is what he is

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Stop being a doormat, there’s no need for you to leave kick his ass out of he doesn’t do shit. And STOP doing things that he benefits from. Dont cook dinner take the kids out to eat. Dont wash any of his clothes.

If you’re doing it all by yourself you’d be happier doing it without him. He’s not a partner. He’s a parasite.

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I don’t understand how a woman can put up with this for months and years. :pleading_face:I work part time and I don’t do anything really by my self my husband does so much makes me feel if maybe he’s doing more than he should? He has a full time job, still does cleaning will do some grocery shopping will take our daughter to school on his off day and do pick up and practices or any games that land on his off day. I see so many women complain because their significant other is basically another child. I feel so bad for these women it’s so bad for their mental health they shouldn’t be doing everything. I hope you end this better to do it alone then be with someone who doesn’t do their part.

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Stop doing his laundry, stop cooking meals for him only - continue being that fabulous mother that you are and if you aren’t cooking for the entire family due to being out with the kids with their activities stop and get them meals and yourself and let him fend for himself - if this doesn’t change him then he def is not going to change and continue to use you like a doormat - know you and your children’s worth and let him figure out the hard way why you are worth so much more mentally, emotionally and physically than he is giving…love can only take you so far in a relationship and it def has to come from both sides joined together to work. God Bless and good luck in whatever choice you make.

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Pack his bags and toothbrush…have it waiting on your front stoop …why should you leave ?you need the home for the kids …you can’t expect change when you’re doing the same old thing …if you really want change you have to instigate it …the ball is in your court … metaphorically speaking …good luck :crossed_fingers::gift_heart:

He can be on his phone at ball practice give him the keys

I think most of us are in this same boat. Makes you feel like you don’t have a true partnership. Like men want to have a family but never want to put the effort into raising one.

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Send him a schedule n say your responsible to get these kids here by this time…that’s what I had to do for house chores we did them together usually he cooked I did dishes laundry I washed he threw them in the dryer n we put away as a family the kids n I took care of the animals causes hes not a animal person

Stop trying scare him, you HAVE to leave even just to prove a point. You sound like his slave and I highly doubt he is chatting away with FRIENDS on Snapchat😂 Girl make a move or stay put with empty promises

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Lmfao some of you are just beautiful little saints cause I wish a man would pffffttttttt. You sound single sadly

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Young one - sounds like you’ve enabled him to do this. If you want a behavior to change - you have to follow through . Make him turn off his phone until “his homework “ is done. See what I’m saying.:v:t4::heart::wink:

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Absolutely not!! That’s sooooo much to have on one party’s plate. He should absolutely share the load. The kids are his and so is the house. Tell him to go to therapy or to leave and you’ll take him for everything he’s got in child support lol cause 5 kids to pay for won’t leave him much

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Deep discussion time. Unwind both of you from your busy day and split the dirty work

He doesn’t seem to understand that one day His children WILL look back and remember how he NEVER showed them that he valued them. That is what is the saddest here.

And children learn what they see.

Are your children having and self esteem issues? Because I would be surprised if they aren’t.

I feel this post. Like my husband does all the home remodeling and the honey do stuff…but God forbid laundry or dishes. Like I work too and come home and do everything. It’s BS

A relationship is a partnership. It’s a life of giving and taking but if there is an uneven amount of effort going only one way eventually you will get burnt out and overwhelmed. Delegate tasks, put it on a calendar and request him to follow through with his share, if not it’s time to bounce because by the sounds of it you are already on your own. Good luck xx

Asking advice is usless for you. He is not going to change and neither are you

Ultimately this is what caused me to divorce. I was the lonliest married person and always did everything alone. It gets really old. My ex husband was a hard worker but he worked 7 days a week and i just needed more than a paycheck

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Put all responsibility on a paper and divide by two. Do yours and let it be….

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No help from me. I’m in the same position but with 8 kids and 5 dogs. It’s extremely frustrating. I feel for you mama.

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I think it’s common. Start with couples counseling.

Well…of course he’s not gonna change. You haven’t backed up what you said you’re gonna do. And he knows your bluffing. Put your money where your mouth is or figure it out.

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what qualities do you love about him!

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You are doing it alone so you might as well be alone. I have an ex that’s an ex for the same thing. Got tired of having (basically) an extra kid.

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If you love him maybe try a date night! No being on the phone unless emergency!! Go out to eat, have conversation about things, when a woman does it all then a man settles into a comfort zone, sometimes even when we tell our spouse they still don’t hear!! Stop taking it all on delicate things for him to do and don’t do them stand strong, if that doesn’t work then your the only on that can decide what you want to do!!

Sounds like he has shown you his true self. A very selfish man. Leave his ass. You have one less person to clean up after. He’ll have to pay child support on all 5 kids.

Join a club or activity just for you that you have to leave the house when he gets home. It will get you out, make friends, give you fun and give him some fun time home with the kids

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First of all your comment “I have told him I don’t know how many times” is your #1 issue. Idle threats are not taken seriously when it’s all talk and he knows it is. He tunes you out and doesn’t even realize or think that you’re serious because you’re like the little boy that cried wolf. Sit him down for a serious talk and let him know you mean business this time. Since you both work full time you expect a 50/50 relationship and if he can’t meet you half way with all that like a partner should then he is not really needed in your life or in your relationship. I’d also tell him you need a partner and your kids need a father not just an inanimate ATM so shape up and let’s work together on this or it’s time for one of us to ship out. You need to make sure he takes you serious otherwise you’re just blowing smoke :woman_shrugging:t3:

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You’re not wrong. More and more men these days are like that.

Honestly… my man won’t help unless I catch him before he sits down and tell him exactly what I need him to do. Sit down and have a real talk… no phones. Just tell him what you want and ask him how he can help you get there. Be honest about how you feel without being accusatory. Ask him to prioritize helping you with the house work so you can have more time to spend just the two of you. I hope it gets better for you.

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He did it, you allowed it and he gratefully accepted your allowance/tolerance of said behaviors. Stop blaming him. If I was able to come home and be on my phone I would be too.

Don’t like it, stop complaining and change it. Make a list for him to do as soon as he comes in the door and you be the one to have a seat. If he don’t pick the kids up, tell them to call his phone. If he doesn’t get it prepare dinner no one eats. If he doesn’t clean the house becomes a mess. Match his energy.

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I was already a single mom because like you I did everything and that was the fastest 165 pounds I lost when I got divorced. Turns out I was doing it all and didn’t skip a beat.

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Give him a list of things to do, every day. You need to stop doing everything. Cook a simple meal, tell him it is up to him to clean up after that. Do your and the children’s laundry - not his, he can do his own. Try to join a fun activity for yourself, let him take the kids to their games, etc. OR tell him you are quitting your job because you can’t do everything anymore.

I was living this same life 2 years ago. First step, start filling your own cup because no one else is going to and it’s no one else’s responsibility to do so. You can’t pour from an empty cup. Next step is boundaries! Make them very clear and have a deep and honest conversation with him because he isn’t a kind reader (not saying that to be mean at all, just my experience) my husband had no idea because we were living societies norm and I allowed it for 8 years. I had to accept my own responsibility in where we were at. It took 2. Next step is patience and reminding of boundaries kindly because it takes time to change habits. While doing all that, you need to start spending quality time together as partners because that’s super important for any relationship. The work has to be put in from both sides. Make all this very clear from a loving place and my guess is he could absolutely come around. When it comes to the kids, you can’t give him a choice. You don’t ask can you do this for them. It’s hey I need you to handle this thing with the kids at this time while I do this thing at that time. He has to be reminded that they are his kids too. It gets better :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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If he’s on tik tok, start sending him videos from Laura Danger. Her page is dedicated to exactly this.

I want to add, it doesn’t have to be this way. It is not supposed to be this way. You are worthy of rest. You are worthy of having a partner who actively participates in partnership and parenthood. Im sorry you’re not being given that. I hope her videos help you communicate effectively and I hope her videos will open his eyes to the amount of labor and work that you do, both physical and mental. :black_heart:

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Leave. Love is not enough. And if he loved you and his children he would WANT to be a better man. He would want to help raise HIS OWN CHILDREN. He would want to take some stress off of his wife. He would want to be your partner. You’re not his slave and you deserve someone much better. Any man can work. A real man raises his kids and treats his woman with respect. He doesn’t seem to care at all and he won’t change. Don’t waste years and wake up wishing you had done things differently.

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He’s doing the bare ass minimum that’s messed up

Give him two options: Either you all live from HIS salary and you quit your job so you can dedicate to the family; or you both contribute the home in every area of your family’s lives. It’s either one or the other and he has to choose. He wants you to have a traditional wife role; he can’t have that and also have you working full time; if he wants a traditional wife, he has to act like a traditional husband and take full charge of all financial responsibilities.

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You have threatened to leave so many times I he knows it’s not going to happen so either don’t say something if you’re not going to follow through.

Stop doing everything pretty simple sooner or later he will have to do something or leave accept that’s who he is and go.

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Girl just leave same thing I went through with my kids dad and they NEVER change

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He :clap:t2: will :clap:t2: never :clap:t2: change :clap:t2:

I was in the same situation for YEARS. Think carefully about whether or not you wanna live the rest of your life in an unhappy situation. :heart:

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You know the answer.
Just don’t wait too long.
You’ll regret it, if you keep kicking it down the road, I promise.

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Leaving may be the only way he might change. Living with resentment is not a good marriage… nor fair to your kids.

This was EXACTLY my 12 year marriage until we divorced. I now still do everything for my two kids, but it is on my own terms without a third child to take care of. Mama, it doesn’t have to be like this.

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A man has as much of a role/responsibility in a home/relationship as a female, women have to demand help or keep on raising these incompetent men babies! Good luck with your decision :pray:

Sometimes people won’t actually change until they lose what they have. I definitely think marriage counseling would be a good step. But even so….if that doesn’t snap him out of it to start showing up and being your partner and helping out….then leaving him might be the only thing that makes him grow up!!

l get paid over $110 per hour working from home. l never thought I’d be able to do it but my buddy makes over $14268 a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The possibility with this is endless.

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Ask him if he thinks other women would do this for him!
I say if you’re already doing it alone, you might as well be alone. Make sure he really understands your serious!

First sit down and have a serious conversation with him and tell him how you feel and what you expect from him and if he doesn’t respect your wishes then leave

Tell him to leave. He’ll have more luck finding a place than you will. Lose that whole man.