Am I wrong to want Mothers Day without my mom?

I have hosted Mother’s Day for about 5 years. My parents, brother, uncle aunt and cousins. I did not mind this before I was a mom myself. Now that I have a child, my wife and want to spend the day with just us and the kid. Not entertaining the family. Cooking and cleaning all day. My mother had a fit last night when I told her that we could do a BBQ with her and my step father and my wife’s parents and then she could spend Mother’s Day with my brother. She stated that “that’s not what I want” and pretty much hung up on me because she can’t be with both of her children on Mother’s Day. I explained to her that I’m a mother now and I’m not going to entertain everyone or run around to other peoples houses. Am I wrong? Is it weird to want to have a quiet day with just my wife and kid?

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You can’t be there for everyone all the time. You have a family of your own. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to spend your day with your squad. Your mom shouldn’t be upset, because you still are going to spend time with her… just not when she wants or how she wants. Very weird how she exploded. Moms are usually understanding… Sorry you have to even go through a moment like this. She’s needs to respect you.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Am I wrong to want Mothers Day without my mom?

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Not wrong at all! She should consider your feelings as well.

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Nope…Completely understand.

You only have one mother. Just because your a mother now doesn’t mean you do not celebrate your mother. She is also now a grandmother. You should absolutely spend the day with your mother!

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You’re not wrong. She should understand now that you’re a mom Mother’s Day is about you as well.

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It’s your day as a momma if you wanna spend it relaxing with your babies then that is your choice ! Don’t feel bad … we don’t celebrate with my mother in law either (it actually floored me because when I was younger my mom and I would go to lunch or do something she wanted ) but each person is different .

You’re allowed to want time to celebrate your wife being a mother without anyone else there and she should understand that.

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Ask one of your other siblings to takeover this time

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Nope its not … u want to do ur own thing… why can’t people respect others …

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Because mothers day means a lot to you, think about it. It means a lot to your mother too . I feel the same way though sometimes, but always try to include her as well

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Well It Is Mother’s Day & That Is Your Mom… & You Only Get One Mom… & She Isn’t Getting Any Younger…

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Your feelings are not wrong
But she is grandma too.
Just take both into consideration.

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Not wrong at all… its one thing to do it before you became a mom but now its your special day and it seems ro be your first so why wouldnt they go above a d beyond for you

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She needs to respect that you have a family

Nope you are just fine they will get over it

She has to respect that you have your own family. Don’t change your mind

No, you are a mother now. What you want for mother’s day trumps what everyone else wants because just as it’s your moms day it’s also your day. If she can’t respect that then she’s just gonna have to have her own day without you. She’s had plenty of mothers days I’m sure with both her kids. It’s your turn to have your day.

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I would spend it with my mother, if I still could. I (and presumably you) can spend any day you want with just your spouse and child. Your mom likely won’t be around for as long.

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It’s not wrong to what time with just your family. Your mum needs to respect your choice. She needs to understand that you’re a mum also now and wanting time to relax and enjoy mother’s Day is totally understandable and you deserve it. Ask your siblings to take over this year, why should it always be your responsibility? You deserve 5 years off now.

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Why can’t your dad host a party for your mom? Invite the entire family…

No. Keep that boundary.

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She will be ok. Maybe little dramatic but older folks cant help that sometimes. Alot of mothers days i didnt see my kids much as they wk alot/are busy we still spend other times together. There are other days, take her out another day to get manicures/haircut or something like that

Throw your mom a child’s party since she wanna act like a child… :clap: you’re grown, spend Mother’s Day how u want too…

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Why not have the day with your child and wife, and then do dinner or something in the evening with your mum?

Get a take away saves cooking?

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Maybe every other year you switch off hosting with your brother so that means that every other year you get to spend it the way you want??

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This has been a struggle for me too, my ideal Mother’s Day would be breakfast in bed followed by mimosas and Netflix. My family always wants to do a brunch with our mom. I have done both, depending on the year

I’m confused. You said you want to have Mother’s Day with your wife and kid but then at the end say that you explained to her that your a mother now. Am I reading this wrong?

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If your wife is upset about the amount of work, why not ask everyone who would be in attendance, to bring something. Still have the get together at your place this year, and then plan for it to rotate households in the future. Then do a special quiet Mother’s Day breakfast or lunch with just your wife.

Not wrong at all. Since she wants to throw a tantrum I’d have nothing else to say to her and go about my own plans, either she shows to the bbq to which she was invited or not. She was offered time, she don’t want it? Too bad.

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You can’t be there for everyone all the time. You have a family of your own. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to spend your day with your squad. Your mom shouldn’t be upset, because you still are going to spend time with her… just not when she wants or how she wants. Very weird how she exploded. Moms are usually understanding…

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Now you’re finally a mom you’re mom don’t count aight

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We do Mother and Father’s Day for ourselves now with our children. We designate a different day for our parents. We have a blended family(mom, then dad and step mom and dad and my mother passed when I was young) and is impossible to get us all together on one day without spending the day running from house to house and the cemetery. It has worked well for us and our parents understand it.

I’d love to have my mom around and celebrate Mother’s Day again

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This is how I feel as well.
But it is mother day and SHE is my mom so I’ll usually take time to take a gift to her and visit with her for a couple of hours and then that’s it.

I don’t just not see her at all. Just because I’m a mom myself doesn’t mean Mother’s Day excludes her now as a mom.

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No not at all but I do have to say I had to make that choice while my daughter was in the nicu and wanted my mom there I can’t not see spending time with my mom I get it’s a lot of maybe compromise and say we can do this then you and your wife and kid do your own thing may go out to eat if that’s a option then go grab ice cream then go on your own separate way

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Young one - ask yourself - how many “Mother’s Day” do you have left with your Momma? She won’t be here forever, young one - :heart::v:t4::sunflower:

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Your not wrong your entitled to spend Mother’s Day how you wish I do the same thing I just want a day with my family to relax and chill at home .Your mom is being very selfish and childish .Do what makes you happy

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I see it both ways, however I feel like you wouldn’t be a mother without your mother so Maybe you can find a compromise and do something special with your mom the day before and then be able to enjoy Mother’s Day how you wish. Our time is limited with our moms, which will allow for many mothers days to yourself wishing mom was still around to celebrate.

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There is no right/wrong way for people to celebrate holidays with extended family. Is there a way to split up the day instead of it being an all day affair or celebrate early for you or her? We always do brunch with the in laws and then an activity afterward. Then I get the rest of the day to spend with my babies. I’m perfectly fine sharing the day as she is the matriarch of the family and our kids are her only grandkids.

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Spen time with mother. Wish i ciuld do that with mine. We miss having her around.

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Mothers day in our house always is a take out or restaurant thing, we know who does the cooking and cleaning :rofl:

I have 5 kids of my own I couldnt tell u the last time I seen my mom on mothers day

Not one bit wrong no! My kids were with their dad (we separated 5yrs ago) and I had the day to myself for a hot bath hot coffee and pjs before they came back with flowers a card and the biggest cuddles ever
Spend it making YOU happy! Xx

I would give anything to have my mom again to spend Mother’s Day with…Why not spend a few hours with your mom at some point during the day,and also have your own time with your family…

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Why can’t you spend a few hours with her and then the rest of the day with your wife. I get it I do, but I would give anything to spend Mother’s day with mine as well as every second of the day with her. I lost her last year and that saying is true, You never cherish a memory more than ever until it’s gone.

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You won’t have your mother forever. Mother’s Day is for moms. I think you should try to include your mom in your plans.

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Its Mother’s Day and you deserve to get what you want also. Maybe do a cookout the day before instead of the day of…but either way you choose to do it.you are not wrong

It’s fine, as long as when your children become parents and they don’t want to see you on Mother’s Day you don’t get upset. :woman_shrugging:. As a mother I don’t really pay much mind to Mother’s Day I’m more focused on my mom/mom in-law, I can have my own thing any day but they won’t be around forever.
Now I do agree that you do not need to host the entire family every single time that is exhausting and a lot of work. With my family we always see my husbands mom first, for a few hours than head over to my moms house. We divide up all holidays this way. :woman_shrugging:

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Consider bringing the whole family out to lunch at a restaurant in the future. This way the Mom’s of the family can all enjoy a break from hosting the family. It’s time for the Men to step up and plan the entire day

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Fuck all that🤣 Meet up wit mom…on Mother’s Day…somewhere else to eat that way no mess no stress! Then go home and relax😉

This makes me sad because I just lost my mom in January. I wish I could spend mother’s day and every day with her again.

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I couldn’t imagine not spending it with all the women in my family … but that’s just me

Your feelings on how you want to spend YOUR mother’s day are perfectly valid
You shouldn’t have to wait until she’s gone to start your own traditions

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Could you split up the day? Maybe have a lovely morning with your wife and children, then go visit your mum or take her for a family meal in the evening?

You had better spend some time with your mother on Mother’s Day because before you know it she will be gone.

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you could always do something different where you won’t have a big mess to clean up and the guys should clean up so the moms can take it easy

It’s not wrong to not want to clean up after everyone on mother’s day. It’s not wrong to want to enjoy mother’s day as a mom.
I really don’t think you’re wrong.
But I don’t think your mom is necessarily wrong either.
She’s a mom too. Just as much as you should have the mother’s day you want…so should she. She’s also your child’s grandma so this is a new mother’s day experience for her as well.

If it was me…
I would still have dinner for mother’s day at my house but change it to a potluck type thing. Everyone brings something. Utilize paper plates, plastic silverware, and cups.
You would only be responsible for making a couple things and cleanup would be easier as well (particularly if it could be done outside) and that way you could spend most of the day just enjoying time your wife and your child.

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Some day you will wish you had that day back , I miss my mom every day you can always spend time later with your wife but remember who raised you and cooked and cleaned for you

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No you are not wrong. Especially if you are doing all the work and can’t enough what is also your day now.

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Not wrong at all. Things change and evolve, along with our needs. Do what you need to do for you. Don’t let anyone guilt you into do something that no longer works. Mother inclined!

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Not at all but one day you will really miss everyone. Better to spend all the time together you can before that day gets here

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I get what your saying but at the same time that’s your mom she won’t be around forever. And when she isn’t all these memories will be all you have.

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I lost my mom in November and can’t believe for the first time in 36 years I can’t spend it with my mom was taken on a blink of an eye I’m glad I have no regrets on how much time I spent with her

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I’d spend it with everyone just ensure everyone chips in so you are not doing all the work .

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You are not wrong!!! Just celebrate your mom in a different way and a different day!!!

You’re a mom so this day is for you too. Maybe instead of hosting, you guys grab brunch and then spend your afternoon however you please? But honestly, do what you want.

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It’s Mother’s Day she is your only mum make her happy

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Just remember you never know how many Mother’s Days you have left with her.

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I would love 2 spend time with my mom but unfortunately I can’t she has been gone since 2011. May need 2 rethink this. Go spend a cpl hrs with her we are not promised 2morrow just saying. I have a family also but always made time for my mom

I came to say the same thing. One day she will regret not being able to spend the day with her Mom too. :cry:

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As a woman who has spent the last 10 years of my existence without my mom on Mother’s Day and is a mom herself…I say make the time to spend with your mother…cause one day you’re going to wish you did…

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One day… she won’t be around for Mother’s Day… or any day…
You are blessed to have a living mother … :flushed::face_with_monocle::blue_heart:

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I don’t see the problem as long as you celebrate your mom in some way like the day before or whatever day you want I mean does she actually have to have both her kids on mother’s day?? I am a mom of adult children and teen children and as long as my kids celebrate me in some way shape or form I don’t necessarily"HAVE" to spend the day with them, she’s kinda being self centered especially considering you have kids now

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Wrong? No. Me I want to see my mom too but you do you

I would do anything to spend mother’s day with my mom, or any day, not a day goes by I don’t miss her.

I’m a bit half and half on this one
Yeah I think you should be able to spend the day as a mum and doing what you want but I would have to also see my mum on Mother’s Day to as you never know when it’s going to be your last,

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Th way my family is, we do Mothers Day with the older Mothers. Grandmother’s and mother’s. We have less with them let. I love my kids and love spending the day with them. I sure would hate for it to be my last 1 with my grandma or mama and I chose to stay home. The whole big cookout, no but including them, most definitely. Your wife isn’t the only mother who wants to be recognized on this day.

On Mother’s Day my oldest sister always had brunch at her house . We were all expected to attend , I can’t stomach her husband but I went every year for my Mom . I went to work out of state for 5 years so I wasn’t around . I sent Mom flowers :bouquet: and would call early before usual Mother’s Day Brunch time. I said I called early before you left the house for brunch she said “ Your sister isn’t having it , she is going out with her Son n new baby “ this went on for the time I was away until I returned. My Mom & Dad are in heaven, I wish I had spoke up and taken her n Dad to early breakfast as they were early risers and Dad hated late breakfast. So speak up do what is right for you in your heart as we never know how long any one of our love ones will be here . :broken_heart:

No you’re not wrong. These comments are wild. You have your own family now n get to start your own traditions. She needs to chill.

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Your mom isn’t your priority. She needs to get over it. You have your own family now and you should be able to spend Mother’s Day with just you guys.

I always spend half it with my mom at lunch or dinner and the other half with just my husband and children but my mom never cared if I spent all day with her or not because she understands that everyone has a life and family outside of her as well.

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Tell her she gets grandparents day now

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I get what your thinking. But since you’ve already got a tradition in this way, I would just pick another day to do Mother’s Day the way you want. There’s no rule you can’t celebrate twice.

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Mothers day is like valentines day. You don’t need one day a year to show them you love and appreciate them. She has to respect you’re a mum now too. But you also need to consider, how would you react if your child did this to you?

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Maybe ask her to help more, compromise on what makes that task harder for you

I go see my mother for an hour. My mom and I both have busy schedules and she knows I have a son. Your mother needs to be understandable.

Nope you’re not wrong. Can she compromise and just hang out another day with you? You’re a mom now you deserve to spend the day with your child too.

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Apparently no one is reading, or comprehending the post. She Did offer to do something with her mother. It wasn’t good enough. Not what she wanted and was hung up on. She did not say she was excluding her from Mother’s Day. Just changing it from what she’s done in the past. Girl don’t feel guilty for your boundaries. You’re allowed to have this day too.

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You’re an adult. You can do whatever you want.

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You’re a mom, celebrate yourself! How selfish of her.

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Dont let guilt keep you from enjoying YOUR MOTHER’S DAY as well. Find a compromise or dont. Life is too short to live it for other people. You’ve been the dutiful daughter for the past 5 years let someone else take a turn. Speaking from just losing my mom in January hindsight is 20/20 I’m a mom of 8 I put myself on the back burner for years. Can’t get that time back. Make new memories in a different way with your mom.

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The problem is that you set a precedent. You hosted for 5 years and what you see as a time coming to an end is your mother seeing that you are breaking a “tradition” There are no easy answers here. Have you talked to your brother about him hosting this year and maybe switching off year to year from this point on? Alternatively, as another poster mentioned, split the day and have a quiet time in early in the day with your child and then do something later in the day with your mom? Keeping in mind that this is your first year as a mother, is this also her first MD as a grandparent?
This year will be my 3rd Mother’s Day without my mom. Yes, she drove me crazy for years, but you know what? While I will enjoy the time with my husband, oldest daughter, her family and my son, I miss getting to at least talk to my mom on Mother’s Day. We also just found out my husband’s mom has cancer, so it’s probably our last with her as well.
You’re not “wrong” to want a quiet day, but if you could find a way to include her in some way, later on you’ll be glad you did.

Excuse me but you are a Mother too. Why should you have to do everything for her. When you should be enjoying your precious child too.Thst is just too much to put everything on you. Make a time to be with your Mother and spend the rest of the time enjoying your Mothers Day. Let some of the other family members take turns doing it.

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You only get one mom, I would say spend the day with her, unfortunately I have to visit my parents at the grave for mother’s and fathers day and I’m only 30 years old.

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You’re not wrong, but I know my husband and I would give ANYTHING to be running around crazy for just one more year if my mother in law was here. She just passed away from cancer at 60. I understand how you feel but you’re momma more than likely has less mothers days on this earth than you do. Just a thought :relaxed:

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Not at all I hate mothers day because of her. So I try to enjoy it now that she’s gone. (Kinda long story behind that lol)

Ur not wrong at all! But if u want to keep the peace yous could go out for brunch or something with ur mam and whoever and then do something yous want to do even if it is pigging out at home not doing housework etc x

Spend mother’s day with your family and ask your brother to host mother’s day the day before

Do your mother’s day tradition like the day before or do something with your wife the day before but make sure to still call her on mother’s day