I’m currently with my new partner and he has 4 children 13 11 9 and 4 . His ex partner has drinking issues and day drinks and collects the kids 9 and 4 from school after a drinking and sat in pub all day . The kids come every weekend on Friday till Sunday and the 11 year old comes with matted hair and generally unkept and neglected .
Because he is now in a relationship after 4 years she is becoming difficult phones him texts him the whole weekend demanding what he should do with the kids where they should be meaning not around me or my daughter. Me and my partner have been friends neighbours for 2 years so we have always had days out with the kids as they get on most of the time.
He wants to try for 50/50 custody so he can be with the kids more he has them every weekend and has done for 6 years but now his ex is trying to stop this and to every other because he is in relationship with me.
Any advise would be amazing it’s getting very frustrating sitting back watching the kids not getting what they should have . I’m a mum of adopted child and am very passionate about the kids coming first. I’m in the UK
I stopped at the ex collects the kids from school drunk
You allow that?? I’m not even reading the rest of this.
So what have you and your partner done about her picking up the kids drunk???
I was in a similar situation. But after 6 yrs of living together we got married, then the ex dropped 2 of 4 of the kids off at our door. We got custody of them but she demanded my name not be on the papers. It only got worst as time went on. He should get a lawyer and get the children out of there
I would be trying for full custody! She can’t be out here drunk driving with the kids wtf
Sounds like your man needs a lawyer and to fight for those kids. Knowing the mother is endangering the kids and not doing anything about it immediately doesn’t look good in yours and his part when this inevitably goes to court
Get a lawyer.
If she’s a drunk, no way would I settle for 50/50. Get custody of those kids.
When you know she’s been drinking all day and going to pick the kids up, call the police 
tell them that she’s picking her kids up drunk
Tell her go for full custody and address her drinking problem also I would call the school and tell them if she show up drunk to get the kids they are not allowed to be released to her and they are to call the cops and u
He wants them only on the weekends? He needs full custody wtf did you read your post?!
First off if you know she is drunk and driving call the cops. If she has the children with her especially in the car call the cops!
If she’s drinking during the day then being responsible for those children whilst being under the influence then you’d be better contacting the social services. If the kids are unkept and as you said she’s clearly drinking throughout the day then she’ll failing to meet the needs of those children. Maybe they can help her with her alcoholism and give use all the tools to better co parent together.
I come from a home with alcohol being a big influence and honestly it’s though.
Get a lawyer and go for full custody and have her visits be supervised since she can’t stop drinking.
Give her a wake up call. The next time she picks them up, call police (from a phone that isn’t yours-so you won’t get in trouble) and say you see a driver weaving and that there are kids in car and you are concerned driver is drinking drunk and give license plate number
Run you dont need all that drama. It Never gets better
Contact the school and social services. Inform them she is drunk incharge of minors and they look dirty …surprised the school hasn’t noted the negligence tbh…then get Dad to get a lawyer and fight for fully custody
So if she’s not taking care of them you guys should be able to get them EASY. Document,document, document! Take pictures! Have them ready when you have a court date!
I’d definitely seek legal advice and possibly call social servers if she’s picking them up drunk. I’d also talk to the school so they can keep a close eye on her as she’s not only endangering her children but others and parents who are walking around the school. Make sure for now you don’t get to involved talking to her as that will only continue to set her off. I hope you all manage to sort it for the children. One last thing record what you see when he has the Children and take photos of her hair is like that again it will all help in his favour.
Ummm… He should not even have his kids be in the care of someone who is intoxicated. I’ll be super honest - He needs to go to court immediately and take the kids. File an ex parte order (emergency) because honestly, you can NOT be a good parent and be an alcoholic. Nope. She needs to go through the hoops she needs to go through to get the kids back. Super dangerous! My ex lost ALL rights basically due to his drinking. My husband has adopted him since. I don’t care - I will NOT have my children think that is an okay way to act or thing to do. I will Not have them die in a car accident.
Why is he waiting until now to do anything about it?
First of all call CPS and tell them about the mom picking them up from school drunk. Tell them about the children being dirty and hair matted. Then hire a lawyer and go for full custody.
Document everything, get a lawyer, petition the court to amend the current order.
Get emergency custody. She aint ok to take carenof them babies
She cannot control who he has round his children, fact. It’s up to him to decide who is safe and he must suffer the consequences if its not the right choice.
Build a case through a soliciter. Alertt the school she may be day drinking more than odd occasion and ask them to look out for signs of drunkenness. Also alert school of unkempt state. Social services could be a good call to but schools have duty of care for the kids and can do it on ur behalf x
Call child services on her or the police to pick her up after driving them drunk…problem solved (go get those kids)
You get PROOF & DOCUMENTATION of the alcoholism & neglect, them you take the matter to a judge…
But be prepared to get the children full time if it’s truly that bad 
A judge will laugh her out of a courtroom. The day they separated is the day she stopped having a say in what he does with his children on HIS TIME. If he can prove she’s at the bar, and picks them up from school in a compromised state, and needs to seek help for a drinking problem… I wouldn’t bother for 50/50. I’d go for full physical custody. And I wouldn’t tell her what I was doing. Two words. DOCUMENT EVERYTHING. When the kids come over, anything not taken care of, document. Her time at the bar during the day, any time he can prove it, document it. Any time she tries to dictate times or changes them out of spite. Document. Any time she wants to use her kids as pawns to manipulate the agreed on arrangement. Document. If there is a current order in place and she is late, refuses to come, doesn’t stick to any part of it, no matter how small, document it. You need to prove it is a repeated behavior and inferes with his parenting time with his kids. If he can also prove that she has a drinking problem and is endangering her kids’ safety, he could get full physical custody. This needs to be about the kids and what they need, and how her actions and his affect them. They deserve to be safe and taken care of, bottom line. If he feels they are not being taken care of, then he needs to stand up and do whatever it takes to fix that and get them out of harm’s way. No matter how ugly it gets. That’s his job as a father.
The most important part of this for me was the very last sentence… “I’m in the Uk” I felt relief after struggling to read something written in my native language lol
If she’s an alcoholic and picking them up drunk why isn’t he filing for full custody?
Visits should no be interrupted by ex unless its emergency. That’s rude.
I don’t know anything about the UK but start documenting the conversations. What the kids look like when they come back from her. Build a case. Contact a lawyer and if she is the way she is and he’s being a good dad then I don’t see why 50 50 wouldn’t be considered.
Well from a starting point your boyfriend needs to file for joint custody or full custody and he needs to have his kids document every time they feel unsafe so I suggest maybe buying one of them a cell phone so that they can record video or something. And then also I suggest that he put a restraining order on her in regards to the harassment with the unnecessary text and phone calls. If he doesn’t set boundaries for his self then there’s nothing that you can do about it he has to do it all on his own you are not his mother nor his wife you have to allow him to be a man and speak up for his self and if he can’t do that then you need to step back and re-evaluate your relationship and your self in your own child
You can keep the children if she is drunk. Call the police on her. Document everything and get your SOs butt to court. Why even entertain the idea of 50/50 custody?
Who has legal custody right now? That will determine which routes you can go. But no matter what, if bio mom is getting drunk and putting those babies in her car, and you know about and not saying anything makes you just as bad. It needs to be reported. She obviously needs rehab at the least
First thing’s first, contact a lawyer (I think solicitor in UK). Secondly, document! If you can, contact the police on a day you know the kids are looking poorly and have them meet you at the pick up location for documentation.
I’m finding it hard to believe she collects the kids drunk as the child protection plan implemented in school after the first time would have to be reported as for the 11 year old should be able to wash and brush their own hair at that age to me sounds like mam has some mental health problems so helping out would be better , sounds your only new on the scene maybe leave it to the dad to bring her to court and if he hasn’t done so yet he’s also failing them children
Reading ur post da mother is not fit 1keep the children. Da father can fight 4full custody.
I definitely think you guys have a chance of getting 50-50 custody or even full custody especially if you can show proof that she does not take care of the kids do you need the kids to also speak up on what their mom doesn’t do for them
One thing I learned in family court, she doesn’t get a say in what he does on his time with the kids so long as they are not being harmed, and as for her involve cps
I would be calling the cops and be in court. She’s putting the kids in grave danger. God forbid something happen to those kids, you’ll never forgive yourselves.
the very second I thought those kids got into a moving vehicle with an intoxicated person, I’d be on the horn to the police. Even if I had to have one staged at the end of the street at pick up time. There is absolutely NO WAY I’d allow for this to continue, even if it meant mommy is going to jail
Take before and after pictures. Have kids subtle take pictures of her me conditions. Keep all texts and messages and comments the kids make
Keep proof and records and ho to court.
No way I’d allow kids to get into a car with an intoxicated person even if jail time was a result… she is teaching those kids it’s OK to drive and drive and what happens if she kills herself, them, or someone els3. Will you be OK knowing you allowed it to continue?
If she has a drinking problem, get a lawyer or have him get a lawyer & fight her.
If you know she has been drinking call the police & report her car as driving all over the road, they will stop her & have her tested.And that will be on record. You don’t have to say who is calling. Plus, if you guys are aware of this & don’t do anything about it, God forbid she gets into a bad car accident!!! Just saying…
Sorry. I cant get past knowing she drinks all day and then drives around with children. He should be putting an immediate stop.
He needs a lawyer. Teach the kids to refuse to go with her if she’s drunk. Talk to the school & tell them to call the police if she appears drunk. Give them cell phones & have them call 911 if she’s driving drunk. Take pictures of their conditions (matted hair etc) when she drops them off. He needs a lawyer. Instead of fighting for 50/50 he needs full custody. She needs supervised because of her substance abuse.
Tell him to photograph and document every time the kids come unkept. Also take pictures of her with time stamp coming out of bar he’ll get full custody
Call child perspective services and file a report. Document ever single thing
How about he goes for full custody. Keep records of everything!
Suggest you go for full custody. Those children need help!
hire a private detective to follow her for a week or two they take pictures and such and are willing to go to court with you
I would go to court and apply for full custody. Also mention the drinking and get proof. No one should be driving if they are drinking alcohol and she’s putting the kids (and everyone else) in danger.
You need to call the cops for sure and whatever your version of child protection services… you can remain anonymous at least in the us. Also this is a court issue… document everything… she is putting the children’s lives in danger- literally. She also needs help and a judge can order her to get it.
If ex has a drinking problem - she is endangering the children - - - -.
Her excessive drinking needs to be reported to social services and when he has the kids next time he should exercise his parental responsibility and refuse to return the children due to welfare issues. Then make an application to court for the children to live with him. Speak to a lawyer asap
Drop kick the woman, best advice I can give for NEGLECTED Children. Keep them away from her, She Not Best Interest for the CHILDREN… I’m sending you Prayer’s for their Survival…
Report her drunk pick ups to school. She would have to come to office to pick up kids They will have to verify. They would not be legally able to release kids and get family services involved.
These kids need help but make sure their care with your partner isn’t solely left up to you
Full custody. Stop this egg donor!
Take pictures of when the kids come and are not being taken care of.
If she’s day drinking & then collecting kids from school he better apply for full custody 
Regret is very painful to live with.
He should be documenting the drinking and driving and neglect and file for sole. If he knows she’s been drinking call her in to the police when she’s doing it. Report her to child services. He should do everything he can to protect the children.
Get a lawyer and take her to court- sounds like you have more than enough evidence to get shared custody.
Can I ask why your partner isn’t trying for full custody? Sounds like a very unsafe living situation with his ex
The fact he is with you and his ex doesn’t like you- won’t affect the judges decision at all.
You can start by raising the standard of care during the days you have them. Help with their hair, play with them, teach them fun stuff, pay attention to them. At least they’ll have a comparison to realize they deserve better 
When you say partner, your telling me not married.
Have him get school records, if neglect is issue, should b documented
Doesn’t sound like they are safe with him x
The kids mum is neglecting them and putting them at risk
Legally he can keep the kids if he has enough evidence of the day drinking and her drinking then picking kids up from school ect
He knows they are at risk and he won’t get into trouble for keeping them if that’s the case
Report the fact that she drinks all day and if she is driving to get the kids from school make sure child protection and police know about it.
He needs to go for custody now and I would let the police know she drinks and drive at pick up time
First get it documented he always gets them every weekend. Also if can get the proof that she is a day drinker and drinks a lot. Start taking pictures of the girls hair or any of them children if they come in your care on the weekends looking as if they were neglected. Keep proof of how she is during the weekends always texting and what not. If can, I don’t know how it is in the UK but record phone calls. I’d try for more than 50/50 custody though imo. Just document document document. Best of luck!
Every mom mothers their way some were brought up in a more relaxed home unless the kids complain about some real bad things try to get along for your partners sake he’s got his hands full If you have to tell her little white lies to keep the peace do it your dealing with an alcoholic with mood swings say oh yes you gave us some good advice so she feels in charge then do what you think is right With disfunctional people you have to lie your just always put in that possition
Get evidence on her save text messages take pictures of children appearances pictures or videos of her drinking
I would do something ASAP the fact u know she drives them drunk and do nothing can make u liable as well I would report her to children services
If she drinks everyday your partner should go to court and go for full custody. Anything can happen but more so when she has been drinking. If anything happened to those kids under her so called care he would never forgive himself. Do it asap before he has any regrets. That’s an accident waiting to happen.
Take her to court for full custody next time they are all with you call cps and ask for emergency placement while the investigation is done
He spoke to a solicitor and was told he wouldn’t stand a chance she is the primary carer and can decide what the kids do
She doesn’t drive but yes I totally agree
That’s great support thanks
I can confirm the school and social services are aware.
The school kindly rang her to tell her she had been reported .
Partner has spoken to solicitor who wasn’t at all helpful told him he wouldn’t get joint custody because he works full time even when he said he would give up work for his kids her reply was well she is primary carer so has the whole decision on the kids .
Yes she say drinks doesn’t drive but being under the influence is not on