He has recently gotten back into video games, which I didn’t mind before because it never seemed to be for a long length of time.
This go around he will play for hours, if he has the day off he will be on and off all day. When he gets home from work its right to the video games.
There is PLENTY of things to be done around the house, we recently moved and we have just gotten to the point where things are mostly organized/hung up but there still a lot to do, on top of course, just the daily mess with having a 5yr old and a dog who chews everything. For example today, I get groceries delivered because I didn’t feel like going out, they get put on the table while I’m trying to clean up the table and cook dinner. I ask him to put them away and they were just thrown in the fridge, not where the items actually belong (I’m aware that I’m being picky there) but after I make dinner and we ear, I’m the one cleaning the mess and he goes right back to the video games again. We don’t really fight or argue, but when I am bothered by something sometimes I don’t think he actually hears me. I would not give a damn about it if everything was cleaned up and done. But I’m sorry I am no stay at home mom. I work full time and so does he, so I expect choose to be split 50/50.
He has recently gotten back into video games, which I didn’t mind before because it never seemed to be for a long length of time.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Any advice on how to get it across to him before I explode?
Honestly it sounds like he originally just wanted to take a break, then started getting comfortable with gaming instead of taking care of the home with you. Sometimes, you just gotta pop tf off to be heard
Ask him if he would prefer to cook dinner or clean up afterwards tomorrow?
He knows, he just doesn’t care. The game console would likely have a problem if it were me.
Be happy he’s home playing video games, it could be worse, out with the guys all the time, at his friend’s house so he can play those same video games, not answering your calls cause you just nag him, I work 50 hours a week and I still cook, clean and do laundry and make sure my daughter is good with whatever she needs for school, sports, etc…We have a dog, a frog and a cat…
He sounds like a typical man. Arguing will get you nowhere, well maybe a day or two. Life is way to short to argue over who’s gonna clean up dinner or unpack a box🤷♀️ make a plan, coordinate your days off so the house work load is split. On Mondays my s/o does all the house stuff and I relax. On Tuesday when he’s off I do all the house stuff and he…u guessed it…plays video games for hours…around 6ish we have dinner and spend some time together watching TV, walking the dog. Whatever… we make it work. The rest of the week we both work and run our kid here there and everywhere…it’s hectic and not always a walk in the park, but nothing in life is fair or easy. Everything takes work and dedication, if he can’t give you that, then maybe you should weigh your options
Sit down and go over the house to do list and split them out so everyone is aware of what needs to happen every day in the new house. I also find having the list let’s everyone know what big chores are coming up on what days and they can expect it to happen. This is a conversation to have occasionally as needs and times change and you need to adjust chores around.
Personally I’ve labeled containers in the fridge so everyone knows meat goes on this tray, loose veggies go in this bin, etc. so everyone knows and everyone can find things easier.
It can be real easy to get sucked into long multiplayer stretches or have a mission on a game that’s a little longer than estimated but he needs to still be helping out. Personally I’d suggest a timer or having the clean laundry right there and he can fold when he’s dead/cut scenes.
My husband and I had this issue. I tried everything…in the end I spent a year sleeping in our spare bedroom and told him if he wanted a room mate then I’m a roommate but don’t expect anything from me except a bill for half the bills…I didn’t cook for him, do his laundry, etc. After a year he got it. He now plays 2 evenings a week and I take that time to do my hobbies that I had put off and not made a priority. When dinner was cooked etc, hubby was not permitted to eat as he didn’t help out with dinner. Yes drastic and yes it took a whole year but we have now being doing the 2 evenings a week of him gaming for 2 years and I honestly look forward to those 2 evenings because he helps with the house and cooking etc.
He knows. As someone said above he just doesn’t care.
Been here does this. He doesn’t give a shit because all he cares about is the games and be careful with those games he can also be talking to other women on their. If he gets angry and defensive over the smallest things even turn the easiest conversions into something it’s not have your guard up.
My fiance plays on his days off. But, he also cooks dinner on his days off. I do the dishes 99% of the time, even if I cook dinner. Usually he’s at work though when I’m cooking dinner. He does put the dishes away 99% of the time. Tell him you are not his mother. Stop doing laundry for him, tell him to cook dinner for himself. Have you just like sat down with him at the table, no distractions, and told him how you feel and what possibly may happen if he continues?
Situations like this are tricky. If you pop off and get mad off the bat, then they take it as you don’t care about them relaxing or enjoying their off time. My hubby is an avid gamer too, so I get the frustration.
Just have to sit down and tell him you’re feeling overwhelmed and need more help around the house. That you want him to game and relax, but you both need to be present for a bit before he starts playing.
Take the game away! If he’s going to play like a kid, treat him like one!
My SO plays to relieve stress. Moving is a stressful time! Sometimes our brain tricks us into avoidance behavior to feel better about the stressful situation—this doesn’t help the situation at all and might make it worse. My advice is to approach him with compassion and set some boundaries/limits on his video game consumption. Does he have an after-work routine? Maybe 30 mins relaxation, 3 chores, 2 hrs video games and then family time for the rest of the night?
I don’t agree with some of the advise! If it is bothering you then you should speak up! And my the way it sounds if he is gaming that much then he isn’t making time for his family or spending enough time with his 5yo. I think a few hours a day is reasonable, but that shouldn’t be his first concern! Relationships are 50/50, not the wife doing all the housework, duties, and taking care of kids, just for the husband to sit around and not do anything to help out! I get it “could” be worse, he could be put with his friends. Umm no! Don’t let something eat at you just because it “could” be worse than video games!
I mean, talking to him calmly, conversationally, is the only way to get this situated. People have their “escape” niches. Reading, writing, watching tv, other hobbies, and, of course, video games. I do it. Reading and games especially. But there is a balance to be found. I’m married, have kids, am a SAHM and take care of the house and meals. I play or read when all my business is taken care of, usually at night. Talk to him. Maybe something is bothering him. Maybe he just doesn’t realize how far he’s zoning out. Games and books and tv are immersive. Let him know how you’re feeling without being accusatory or defensive. Just talk. Then see where it goes.
You need talk sit him down somehow and talk to him. My ex baby daddy did the same thing and it only got worse to where it finally got him fired from work (he started staying up later and later and not working properly) and did nothing at all with the kids. He never would stop.
Its probably his form of chilling out but unacceptable youre getting left with everything when you both work.
Dont get mad…talk to him. Sort out a rota where you both get chill time and if he doesn’t do his chores…dont do them for him only do your own laundry, dinner etc …he goes hungry or runs out of clean clothes he’ll get the message
Or hide his controller till he gets things done. Men can be like children sometimes lol
Talk to him about it perhaps….
Your expectations are not bad at all. Especially if both of y’all work. You need to sit him down, and talk to him. Make sure it doesn’t seem like you are “attacking” him because that will get you no where. I know you are frustrated so it may be a bit hard to do. I’ve been where you are. Y’all are partners in the house hold he needs to start stepping up again and do what he needs to do. Another alternative is to just clean up after you, your son, and the dog, like Landry, dishes etc.
Just try to calmly explain what is on your mind and how he is making you feel. Good luck!
I couldn’t take it anymore. It was destroying my marriage, my family. I understand you 100%. It’s an addiction problem. An unless that he stops completely it won’t get better.
You should be able to bluntly communicate with him, without it turning into an argument. Sit him down, and have a conversation. There are 6 of us in our house, all over 8 years old. I was a stay at home mom for the last year and did everything without complaint. I went back to work in October. Now I work full time and go to school full time, and it’s seeming like I’m still expected to do everything at home. My husband cooks most nights, but I’m left to clean/do laundry etc. Yesterday, I informed my family that we’re going to start taking turns on kitchen duty… meaning dishes, dinner clean up etc. because I’m not doing it all anymore. So, sit him down and have a conversation with him. If that doesn’t work, treat him like a child. Have a Honey Do list for him when he comes home, and hide his controller until it’s done. You’re not in that relationship alone, you shouldn’t have to do everything on your own.
He knows what he’s doing. He isn’t that stupid. He just doesn’t care. Mine tunes me out when I talk and mine is on his game. Shoot. Knowing him he’d be on it all day. Me and him have had talks. Doesn’t work. But seems to me try to talk to your husband before you blow up. Use the blow up route or the when he’s not around hide controllers until he hears you loud and clear and knows you’re serious.
Throw that shit away! It’s the first question when I met my husband was do you play video games? I will never be in a relationship with someone who does. It’s so stupid and a huge waist of time!
Why do people communicate better with fb strangers then their own spouse?
That’s the problem, you don’t speak up so why he going to stop playing?
Talk to him make it clear this is unacceptable.Maybe u ought to back off doing anything that can be avoided and let him see,ie don’t wash his clothes that should get his attention,at some point anyway
You need to squash this silliness. Is he 14? No. Then. Sorry, shit outta luck. …
When I was a boy I played as a boy. But when I grew up and became a man I put away childish things. Exceptions: you have a child, so he could play some video games with him/her. Otherwise, he needs to pull up his big boy undies, put the controller away, focus on his life and family, and grow up.
So many relationship issues posted on here are due to video games! blows my mind.
I’m so sorry! I’d talk to him.
Get on the game and play with him what game is he been playing? Skyrim? Fallout? NFL games? Either way it will definitely get his attention by you doing that then you can communicate with each other about everything you are feeling and maybe he’ll open up to you too about why he’s been playing the game so much. I have always been a gamer so I can definitely understand him playing for hours it’s relaxing and it takes your mind off of things my father gets so into his video games he literally tunes everything and everyone out sometimes and it’s happened to me too if it’s a game I really enjoy. Talk to him about it. It doesn’t sound like an addiction to me because you stated he just recently got back into it, like if this had been going on for years and years I’d be concerned but as of right now it sounds like he’s trying to blow off steam and relax and doesn’t realize that you are needing him right now. Sit down next to him while he’s playing and tell him you need to talk and it requires him to stop playing the game so he can fully listen and have his attention
I’d be talking to him about it cause he’s being unfair to you. My hubby does that too but at least my kids are grown and moved out I take his dinner to him but if I find it unfair I talk to him
I’d sit him down and have a talk…if that doesn’t work then pack a bag and leave for a few days…Let him fend for himself…maybe it would work as a wake up call…but maybe not…let him start doing his own laundry cooking his own food etc…tell him you’re not his maid and if he isnt gonna help then you will just worry about you and your daughter…
If you don’t argue. Turn off the game sur in front if him n and talk . Discuss setting a time limit write a few chores to be done. Maybe set a time. Remind him are a bunch of things to do. Save time for both of you
Im so sorry. Video games are my tie breaker… i refuse to allow them… ive never seen a man who can do them at a normal amount. They are the work of the devil lol but seriously
nope put your foot down its relationship destroying it’s gonna get worse because your not saying anything he thinks it’s OK behaviour in a relationship it’s not been there never again
Sit and talk to him. To me it doesn’t sound like an addiction it sounds like stress and avoidance. He’s choosing the game to be his outlet instead of you. I would as him why and maybe join in with him on occasion. Just sit with him and be open and honest with your communication. I would go and set a time limit or threaten him with this or that or tell him it’s unacceptable. He’s not a child he’s an adult like you and I know if someone said something like that to me I wouldn’t be nice in my response.
I think technology has destroyed more families and marriages than anything else throughout history, especially video games and cell phones. And yes, I am on a cell phone right now. I have to force myself to put it away and do other things or else I would be on it all the time. I feel sorry for a lot of the children growing up these days, when they are grown all of their childhood memories will be of video games.
Unfortunately…welcome to EVERY womens world…we are the ones that keep the world moving…we are the multitasking majority!
Make it happen now…otherwise you will be his servant forever…trust me on this…
He’s probably doing it for stress relief. Moving can be taxing. COMMUNICATE with him! Tell him “Hey love, before you jump in on your video games, can you help me with a few things? I could really use some help with the dishes so I can…”. Especially on his days off. My husband LOVES video games (I do too, I just don’t have much time for them) but he is always willing to help. Sometimes he doesn’t know where to begin and I can be particular about things (maybe why your husband was hesitant to put away groceries). If he feels like he does chores wrong, he will be reluctant to do them so just take the help you can get and try to be thankful for what he does, just like he should be thankful for what you do.
I see so many posts similar to this. You married a man child. You’re not his wife, you’re playing the role of his mother while he plays video games. You’re feeding him, picking up after him, yuck. Get yourself a man & leave that little boy. A grown ass man playing video games all day Be gone
Change the wifi password and tell him yall need sit down and talk
Idk I think it’s all situational. I’m basically a SAHM with two side jobs working at horse barns doing manual labor. When I’m home I have 4 boys and a cat. I do all the cleaning and 90% of the cooking. He plays video games. I use it as my own time. If you don’t like it then you need to speak up or he won’t get it. Men can’t read minds, let alone see signs half the time.
Straight up, tell him.
I know it’s hard to do… Go on strike it will work
Jesus some of these responses make it out like hes a kid calm down Karen’s. you need to say something in the moment not just let him walk off and say something later
It’s happening all over the world…if there not playing their dreaming of them…they have got to win that world their trying to concur…it’s a new drug… highly addictive…be happy it’s not porn or real drugs I guess…
Ok so my BF works a full time job overnites. He plays video games when he gets off in the morning and on his days off. I’ve been off work for 4 months, go back next week. But I do all the cooking and washing dishes. I do grocery pick up, he carries thebm and I put them away so they are organized. I homeschool my 6 yr old and we have 2 cats who I clean the Litter box too. He helps with laundry at the laundromat AND he’s covered ALL the bills plus Christmas alone for 4 months. My son is NOT his but he’s bought anything he needed and ALL his Christmas gifts. I pick my battles. Now if we have something to do on his ONLY full day off I tell him beforehand so he doesn’t get on the video game. He works and helps when I ask so I don’t complain about the games.
Talk to him? That’s where I would start. Is he ok? Depressed? Something he might be trying to mentally escape?
I went through this with my husband! Granted we were 18 when we got married. We didn’t have kids until 23. We now have 3 kids 3 years and under. He use to still be huge with his games like this with our first. I simply exploded one day bc I was being ignored constantly over his games/friends. I turned his game off in the middle of an online match. Boy did he get pissed but I told him it was he listens to me and what I have to say now, or it will never work and I’ll gladly throw him and his games out. Yes he works. But he wasn’t very helpful in my first pregnancy nor birth of our first. He has definitely gotten much much better as we had more kids though. We came to an agreement every other Saturday night, once all the kids are in bed, he can play his games. The only time I don’t let him continue that Saturday night stife is if I want some time with him without kids or friends over hearing everything we say. So maybe once a month I’ll ask him not to play that night or I’ll ask for him to spend that time with me before he plays. But talk to him now. You may have to piss him off to do it, but do it. Don’t let it keep going.
My husband is the same, I’m a SAHM with an 18 month old and a 3 month old. He plays basically from the second he gets home till 3 am then is super upset because he’s tired the next day…not sure what yo tell you but I’m fed up with it and ready to call it quit (oh yeah and If I say anything he gets angry and sometimes rips his t-shirts)
Time to tell him… No games till your work is done !!! Then hide his game and/or the controller.
Damnnnn straight siss hide all the remotes !!!
I rather have him playing video games then cheating, this way you know where he Is
My son and bf just got Ps5’s for Christmas, I haven’t seen either one since. I’m actually ok with it
Even if I am a stay at home mom I would still expect him to help around house