My boyfriend has kids with his ex. I have raised them when we first got together 2 years ago mom left state came back… He has custody she has visitation every other weekend and Fridays when he works till he gets off for his weekends. She is now throwing a fit that he won’t let her see them more and all this. In the summer they stay till Monday at her house till she works. She works nights. Then has let them go on vacation with her. Even though in papers it doesnt state he has to. Holidays we are attempting to split. In our state most people trick or treat on satuday if it lands on sunday… we are offering her to take them satuday to trick or treat so we can get kids to bed at a decent time on Halloween because of school the next day. If we mess up their schedule even by a half an hour we’re screwed they act out. We have tries to talk to her about splitting the other holidays. She is throwing a fit. She had them last Christmas eve and is demanding them this Christmas eve and all of Christmas break. She is refusing to pay the full child support amount and is throwing many different tantrums about all of. Now she is saying she is only getting to see the kids when it’s convenient for him… Mind you we are supposed to have a week notice if plans chance. She wanted them longer on his Friday… she asked that day and we agreed as long as she fed them dinner. She decided she wasn’t going to keep the kids longer. Even though we didn’t have to we was letting her. We explained if she talked to us we can work something out if she has plans and wants to keep them longer on his fridays… but if we have plans and can’t do it we will tell her again it is his weekends and if we make plans with the kid’s we explained we would tell her. But again she said it was only when it’s convenient for him… are we in the wrong?? I’m seriously done trying with her.
Sounds like y’all need to go back to the original agreement made with the courts. She’s the one who left her kids she needs to feel blessed she even got visitation of them let alone you and your boyfriend being generous and giving her extra time when it’s not required to do so.
I would just follow whats in the court order. Since she is giving you guys a hard time just follow that.
Just stick to the court order. It’s the easiest way to handle it.
Yes both good advice ^
A parenting plan is a safety net for a reason. My sons dad has him every weekend during summer and every other weekend during school year but we change that up. And if issue come up we go back to original plan.
You guys should’ve stayed with what court order said cause now it’s causing issues in the end. Your boyfriend needs to tell his ex that they’re going back to what the court order is and that she needs to start paying her child support also. If she continues to give problems then go back to court
He’s got full custody right? Than it’s his decision whether she has them or not. And in most states if you withhold child support you go to jail. So it’s her loss. Go back to court if you need to cuz this is childish for the mother to throw a bitch fit. If I was in that position I’d be happy with whatever days I could have my kids without argument. After all it’s the kids who’s suffering not anyone else. Everyone needs to think about whats best for the kids and what they want.
Anytime me and my child’s father can’t agree, we go back to the parenting plan. It sometimes sucks to be the person to have to do it but you gotta do what you gotta do. If she has a problem, involve the law. If she doesn’t like the custody agreement, she can always go back to court.
Follow court orders!!! Stop being too nice because this is what yall get. Next time she throws a tantrum ,remind her about the court order and tell her yall are done being nice and that from now on you guys will go back to following court orders, it’s her loss ! She needs to be thankful she gets visitation after leaving them! Plus remind her she does not even pay full child support like she is suppose to. Tell her to grow up and if she does not like it she can go back to court and try and change her visitation time. Man, I can’t even leave my babies for 1 day without missing them!
It’s doesn’t always turn out like that. But sometimes ppl want more and more and more once you give an inch. My husband ended up with custody of his boys and his ex was granted every other weekend no holidays. But eventually they started to share the kids even tho we had an order in place. He gave her holidays certain ones or she joined us on holidays. We eventually did everything together and as of today she’s my best friend. She’s the aunt of my kids and I’m the aunt of her other 2 babies. But if she just won’t accept what you guys are trying to do than I agree tell her we have been more than nice and you don’t seem to be grateful so we will be going back to the plan
Let your husband or boyfriend handle it with his ex. The kids aren’t yours. You’re overly involved. He’s a grown man who needs to do what’s best for his kids. He should take her to court if she’s not following the custody/parenting agreement. If she’s not paying support he needs to go to court.
Child support and visitation are two separate issues. Regardless of the NCP paying as agreed they have a legal right to visitation. The court order was established and should be followed for visitation. By “being nice” you are only allowing choas and confusion into your lives. If the NCP feels that the visitation is not adequate she has a right to take it to court for a modification. That is her responsibility not yours. Don’t carry her burden. It will end up causing issues in your relationship with your boyfriend and eventually the children. Also, they deserve stability in their lives. She obviously can’t provide that so you and their father make sure they have it. They need to know that they will be with their mother at certain times and not be confused on when they will be with her because she may or may not want them longer. If she is not paying child support as agreed she is in contempt and child support services should be using all available measures to recover arrears and ensure that payments are being made in a timely manner. Again, the two are separate and should be enforced seperately. The most important factor in this equation is the children. You and your boyfriend need to be their security. Don’t allow her to bring chaos into their lives.
Sounds like you both are being very willing to co-parent with her and she is making life difficult, I would go back to the court order time and just know you guys are the ones providing a stable home for the kiddies
Tell herif she aint happy with the legal agreements to go back to court. Child support is separate, if she isnt paying she is in contempt. Its her problem to take it court for modification. Stick to the agreement. Dont let her bully yall.
Sounds like all y’all need to do better
If she doesn’t like the visitation order, then she can go to court to get it adjusted. Simple. Document EVERYTHING, including the lack of support.
I would 100% stick to court order only
Follow the court order. If she wants it changed, she needs to go back to court and do it the right way. Until then, let her throw her fits. It’s not up to you. It’s not up to her. Any deviation from that court order opens you up to be held in contempt of court. Its exact purpose is to prevent one parent from doing this and it is meant to protect both of you. I would tell her enough is enough. She needs to follow the court order or be an adult and file for mediation if she wants the visitation schedule permanently changed.
Follow the custody order if she wants anything different tell her take you to court!!!
Id follow the court order and tell her to do the same. Dont go out of the way anymore
Stick to the court order. Tell her to follow it or take it back to mediation/court on her dime if she doesn’t like it.
Just stick to the papers and let the courts handle the child support. If she wants to be difficult stop working with her.
Stay out of it there not your kids there his he’s a grown ass man let him deal with his ex
Tell your boyfriend to stick to the court order.
I would go back to original court order until she realizes how flexible you have already been, if she has a problem with this simply tell her to take you back to court. She wants to have her cake and eat it too simply put, she doesn’t want to pay child support but wants them more, HELL NO.
Follow the court order only if she doesn’t like the visitation she can go to court. She is trying to bully her way to more visitation.
Sounds like you should let your husband handle the situation
If she’s not happy with the visitation she needs to go back to court and get it modified. She has to pay child support. If she’s throwing a fit go back to 100% to the letter of the court order. You don’t h!have to compromise because the court order is there and it’s what it’s for.
I personally dont see the issue with her having extra time if she is asking for it and acting right. We have a court order for my step daughter that states every other weekend she goes to her mom. We let her go every weekend. Unless she decides she doesnt want to go that weekend. Maybe yiu should let the kids decide instead. Yall arent giving them a choice
It sounds like you are trying to work with her and she is seeing how far you will let her take it. Don’t agree to anything that makes you uncomfortable. When she starts throwing a tantrum let her know that you will talk to her again when she is ready to be civil. And if she just keeps asking for more tell her what you are comfortable with and if she has a problem with that you can just go back to the court agreement.
She can talk to courts about getting it adjusted. Until then…
From experience DOCUMENT EVERYTHING. All of the extra parenting time you’ve allowed , etc. I would stick to the court order. Sounds like she will try to fight the arrangement in court that’s why I said have everything documented.
Keep proof of everything. Text and no over the phone calls so you have proof of her throwing a fit and everything she says. We have custody of my 13 year old step son. We gave extra time and it was never enough. He has no rules there and his behavior shows it. Things on his phone are scary. Courts gave your boyfriend custody for a reason. So stick to the order 100%. If she wants extra she can go back to court
I’d just point blank tell her there is a reason your husband has full custody bc the judge felt that was best for one reason or another. The courts decided the fate of her time and visitation and since she doesn’t like what you all are allowing we can go back to court order until she can re-open with the courts. When she re-opens be sure to let them know you have also been supporting the kids without the child support and you guys have been perfectly ok with that.
I would follow the original custody agreement exactly with no extras.
If she wants something different then she can file to go back to court.
Don’t get involved just let him handle it
Start following the court order to a T. It’s there for when y’all don’t agree. And if she has that big of a problem with it then she can take you back to court.
I know dealing with the complaining is very unpleasant but stick to the parenting plan. Honestly she is fortunate to have you guys trying to make arrangements to make her happy. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO DO THIS! the court decided what the schedule would be and if she is that hell bent she needs to take it back to court… Any and every holiday weekend week will need to be laid out. And if it changes and she flakes what then? Having to feed them dinner to keep them made her decide she didn’t want to keep them… I have a feeling taking on more custody isn’t really what she wants. And unfortunately she can’t just not pay child support. She will still owe it.
Take the we out of the whole scenario. This is half the problem. Let the actual parents make the calls on who, what , where and when. You being involved just adds fuel to the fire.
Mind your business and let that mamma see her own children according to the court order 🤦 they literally have a whole system for this and you butting in is only going to cause more problems.
Hmm… What about the kids? It’s all about you, her and him… Really no mention of the kids and how they feel about all of this… Grow up, stop acting like children and actually care about the actual kids’ wants and needs.
Go back to the exact original court order and file a petition to change the order and state that you want to keep the order the same but, you want it to be decided by the court and put in the papers about holidays and a vacation. That way it can’t be disputed and then she gets what she gets. I have dealt with the same thing and it is so frustrating. Especially when your the mom that stepped up when she decided to not be a mom. We have an order that seperates the holidays. States time for each parent. Mothers and fathers day. Vacation. Everything. So much easier because then there is no confusion. Anytime she starts we tell her … read your court papers. Its much MUCH easier.
Sounds like dad needs to put his foot down. You’re just the girlfriend so you’re opinion won’t matter in court anyways. I’d step back and let him handle it.
Honestly the biological father has full custody of the kids so he gets to pick when the biological mother gets to see them. She should count herself lucky that he’s willing to try and work something out.
If I was in he’s shoes once she walked out on the kids she would not be seeing them ever again. I’m a ‘you make that choice you live with it’ type of person.
If it’s court ordered for visitations then I would stick to that. She doesn’t get anymore time with the kids. Also threatening to withhold child support is blackmail and also against the law to not pay which could also mean jail time for her if she doesn’t pay it. If she doesn’t pay child support and goes through court they could decide to take away visitations and everything because she’s mot paying child support.
She’s their mother. I understand she bailed out for a while and you’ve been there helping him raise the kids, but she is their mother and if she wants to be involved more, neither you or him should be stopping that. With that being said, there is a court order in place for a reason. If he and her can’t agree on visitation, the court order should be followed, to protect everyone involved. My suggestion would be for him and her to sit down and figure out a new visitation schedule that works for both of them and put it into writing with both of them signing it, outside of court. Agree to days and times that each parent has the kids, alternate holidays, set up a holiday break and summer break schedule and stick to it. Any changes require a weeks advance notice. Give it a try that way and if that doesn’t work, go back to the court ordered schedule and tell mom if she has a problem with it, she can petition the court for a revision. Also document everything. Every schedule change, every canceled visit etc, that way if it ends up back in court, there is documentation.
For the holidays it should be split. One year I get the first part of Christmas break with Christmas and Christmas eve and he get the second with new years and new years eve. Th3 next year it flips. Thanksgiving is even years for me odd for him. Spring break we split. Summer is every other weekend like normal and he got a full week each summer month on top of that. However we live 2 and half hours away from each other. I always get Halloween most of the time because he won’t drive to do it but if it falls on a week I would let him have it. Stick to the court order of she don’t like it then she can take it to court.
Whenever I read things like this I shake my head. People are fighting and getting angry because the other parent wants to see and spend time with their kids. Does anyone not realize how great and fortunate they are to be in a situation where the other parent wants to be in their kids lives? There are how many kids out there missing a parent, not getting their visits or money. I get visitations are court orders but how about for once people put their feelings and childish crap aside and do what’s best for the kids. Maybe ask the kids where they would like to spend their Christmas or holiday. If she wants an extra day let her have it, seriously just let those kids have the extra day.
You are absolutely not in the wrong. All the people telling OP to butt out and that it’s not her buisness clearly have never been in a situation like this or even similar. This women raised these kids for 2+ years while bio mom ran out. Sounds like bio mom is still flaky even when asking for more time. I’d be fed up too if she kept asking for more and then backing out. It makes for a lot of instability for the kids too. I say go back to the court arrangement and if she is truly wanting more time she can take you to court but DONT CUT MOM OUT. I’d also see how the kids feel about it and if they want more time with her or not because after all at the end of the day it is THEM who matter most in the situation and what is ultimately best for them
Go back to court with proof of what she is doing/saying
The court made its decision for a reason. Its nice when families can compromise a bit and obviously better for the children…but not when she’s behaving like this. Stick to the court agreement exactly
I think it’s so funny how many people wants to be like “that’s their mom.” Was she thinking about “her kids” when she up and left them for 2 years? Did she think about the psychological damage that that would cause them? And what “mother” refuses to pay child support for HER kids just because she doesn’t like the amount of time she’s getting? I mean seriously you want to see them more but not help pay for whatever they might need? You don’t get to pick and choose what you want to do for them because it’s convenient for you or you don’t like the situation!
Do you people hear yourselves? Your sitting their saying it’s should be about the kids but then saying this women deserves whatever time she wants with them? She lost that privilege when she turned her back on HER kids!! She should be thankfully that this couple is trying to work with her and give her the extra time whenever she asks for it even though she’s not following that court order and giving them the week notice that’s she’s supposed to when plans change/she wants to keep them longer. she really doesn’t deserve that kindness!
OP I applaud you. I don’t think I would have your kindness or patients towards a person like that.
Make sure you document everything and if she keeps pushing the issue, I would go back to family court and let them decide.
This requires a full sit down together, possibly with a neutral mediator. Just be honest abt your goals and the kids needs , dont get stuck on what has or hasn’t happened and go forward with what will and should happen. Make a healthy plan and stick to it , but of corse be flexible for last minute things that make sense. Such as a out of town family member coming and she wants extra time or poss a out of town family member on your side coming during her time , adjust the plan accordingly.
Sort it out in court. Enough with being nice.
Make her follow the court order if she can’t get on board with friendly agreements
Tell her y’all decided to go by exactly what court papers are. If she don’t like it she can pay to go back to court. She doesn’t want to pay full child support? Then have her arrested if she’s not paying any. If she’s paying some but not all just to keep from going to jail then it will eventually catch up to her cuz they’ll take her taxes and send it to you at tax time
I would just stick to court order or whatever it is you guys have in writing
I’m glad to hear a parent wants to have their kids more, it sounds like you are trying to work with her( which is good) but my guess is she has checked and if she has them 50% of the time she doesn’t have to pay child support( if she goes back to court) mark on a calendar when she is taking them, so if she goes to court you have documentation
If she’s going to be high conflict then you absolutely need to follow the custody schedule. If she doesn’t legally have Christmas Eve you can still invite her and her household over for dinner and a Xmas movie/eve gifts. If she’s like things to actually change including the support amount then she needs to get herself to court to petition a change.
Pump your breaks lady! What do the kids want.
Your 2 years dating their father does NOT give you any kind of parental rights. This is between the boyfriend and the mom… see yourself out of the equation 
Why do all these posts about custody and visitation ALWAYS bring up child support?
The parenting plan is in place to give the kids structure.
It is not your fault that she took off on the kids and got a lesser time share because of that behavior.
You are already showing a willingness to work with her. You are trying to find ways to give time to her that wasn’t explicitly granted to her…
And she should understand that she should be SHOWING she can coparent, coordinate and handle more time so maybe the schedule can change.
Demanding things doesn’t work in her situation. Parents do have rights, and ordinarily I’m strongly for 50/50.
But she chose her situation. And she should be proving she isn’t the same person now as the one who disappeared on the kids
Id honestly just start following the court order and quit trying with her. Id tell her if she wants more time to tben to file a motion to get more visitation.
I’m not sorry for saying this but I believe it should be said….
Do you know how bad , I’d love for my kids dads to want my children in their lives ?
Answer: really f****** bad.
I’ve even told my kids dads, I’d rather you be in our kids life, then to pay me child support!
You have a mother wanting to see her children, whether she pays or not, stop treating it as a dodge ball game because that is exactly what you are doing I mean that’s what it seems like.
I have 3 children and out of all 3 only one gets to see their dad on the regular but it wasn’t always that way.
Instead I have a 10 year old that has cried, wanting to know why his dad doesn’t love him or want to see him for well since he was 4 years old when he started noticing he didn’t have his dad. And his dad pays child support so he won’t lose his license or go to jail.
And has also told me why would I want to spend time with him when he pays me to baby sit !!! (Talking about the child support)
Instead I have a 6 year old whose dad has came and went in and out of his life but only spent time with him while he didn’t have a girlfriend… and stopped 3 weeks after getting in a relationship. Who also evaded child support for 16 month til they finally caught him. Never was reliable on paying also. Who is also 5000 behind that’s I’ve also told I don’t want the child support I want my son to not have a broken heart that gets to see his daddy ! But what did my 6 year old get an unreliable father.
My 3 year old well he dad called cps on me the day she was born because I wouldn’t allow his family in the hospital room if he decided to show up bringing them. We fought over custody we fought over child support I would get threatened by his side pieces and yes I’m calling those girls that because he couldn’t stay in a relationship long. But also because we are still married and these girls would mock me saying tell my step daughter step mommy says hi…. When this little bitch’s didn’t even know my daughter… they would say mean and hurtful things n my husband would be notified about it and my husband finally started seeing the shit and he started sticking up for our ashy… my daughter and her father have a awesome relationship with no custody arrangements other then I have temporary custody as per the temp custody order til final decree of divorce to make it permanent. He visit our daughter at his convenience because he works traveling town to town state to state…, if he calls I change my plans if I have any so that he can see our child !!! And that’s with him paying when he can what he can or when he can’t at all!
All I will say is, I hope you can work it out. Some people do actually change and want to make up for their past. Maybe made some bad choices and wasn’t there when they should have been but want to make up for it now. Someone trying to see their kids more is not a bad thing. Obviously dk the situation but from my own experiences as a child I’m giving you my opinion. WORK IT OUT. Proceed with caution if you need to but let those kids spend more time with their mom if she’s really trying and doesn’t have ulterior motives.
You guys are going out of your way, to violate a court order for her and she’s behaving badly. Go back to the exact letter of the order, and go back to court document everything!