Best advice for a single mother of two whose finally starting over??? After leaving A DV situation in April 2020, him passing away March 2021, I finally feel completely safe to get our own apartment! Got the keys yesterday I have to figure out the food/stuff for the apartment but, I am mostly excited just to have a place to call home
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Best advice for a single mother of two whose finally starting over?
Just breathe⊠the rest will come
Enjoy spending time with your kids and have family and friends over. Just take things slow.
Proud of you mama.
So very awesome!!! You did the hard part mama. Now relax with those babies and have a great rest of your life!!!
Keep going and embrace all the good moments. There are tons of pantries stamps etc to offer food sources. Visit your budget stores and itemize what works for your budget and stretches plan it out make lists.
Organize with a calendar. Make sure your childcare is covered and just focus on building. Be kind with yourself because it will take time just be happy you have your safety and life back. Keep working and always try to have multiple sources of income. You donât know it but youâre a certified hustler now youâll find a way. If 1 answer isnât correct another is.
Just do it
Same here and I wish you nothing but the best in life just take it day by day
It will def take time to get used to things!! I did the same thing but with 3 kids you got this!!
Focus on your children and yourself, let yourself and the girls healâŠdo NOT allow a new man into your lives. .no matter how wonderful he may seemâŠ
Seriously breathe! Get into some form of therapy, lean on people willing to help you! ( there is nothing wrong w getting help when itâs needed!), pour yourself Into your kids, love yourself and be patient w yourself! Also CONGRATS and best luck!!!
Come up with a motto and live by it. Whether itâs âyou got this/I got thisâ or âIâll figure it out. I always doâ or âTough situations make you strongerâ, etc.
Use food pantries, thrift stores, join your local Facebook buy nothing group, never be too proud to accept hand-me-downs.
Make meals based on serving price. Use leftovers to make new meals. Only buy things when theyâre on sale.
If you can get plastic milk crates from local stores they make for great storage and bookshelves.
Start a change bank for rainy day/fun activity day. If you use cash, put your change or any dollar bills you have in your pocket at the end of your day in the bank.
Get to know when your local supermarkets have sales. Usually things go on sale every 3-4 months. I only buy stuffing and gravies around thanksgiving. I buy hot dogs around Memorial Day.
Very important- TAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF, even if itâs 5 minutes sitting in your car alone after kids go to school or daycare. YOU GOT THIS!!!
Iâm so happy that you get a fresh start! Try to google cheap meals on Pinterest or here. It will all work out well
As a single mother of 3 best advice make Jesus Christ your best friend and show yourself some grace Love your children with every ounce of your being and put no one before them ever except Jesus!
Iâd love to know what area OP is living in so maybe people could help out. Iâve been in her shoes starting over in 2012 with 4 kids from 14 down to 1. Then 2 years ago I took in my niece and nephew 2 weeks before the world shut down and I had to go back to being extremely thrifty just to survive. I refused to put them into foster care so I made it work.
Get to know your local resources, and even Facebook groups. Even if you think you might not need them you might one day, and even if you donât itâs good to know in case you meet someone else that needs that information. Rely on your support system whenever you need to. Date when YOU are ready and not a second sooner, if you arenât already that is. Let the kid/s help decorate the home to make it fun and truly all of yours.
Keep it simple and organized.
Get some therapy to help you get over the abuse and to repair the damage done to you,
Omgoodness I am so happy for you and your chance to build your best life!! The DV services in your area may be helpful but I also strongly recommend looking up your local BuyNothing group. You might just find the things you need as well as a wonderfully supportive community!! Iâve been there; keep looking forward
One day at at time! Always remember how far youâve came on the days that seem impossible, home is a feeling, not the material things in it, as long as you have your needs meet your wants will fall into place(somebody always knows somebody who has something they are willing to give in situations like this, thrift stores are a girls best friend you can design on a dime usually with nice, trendy things. Youâve got everything that matters your freedom back 2 beautiful kids and a positive vibe! Youâve got this girl, youâre future awaits and itâs going to be a good one, be proud of yourself
Congratulations!! You already made it through the toughest part!! You got this!
Sometimes the womenâs shelter has resources to help women with home furnishings.
Also get Ibotta and use it when you shop to get money back. Even if it takes you a while to get to where you can use a gift card or put it back in you bank it helps so much!
If Iâm not mistaken after you do it for the first time it will give you $10 to get you started and if you have friends using it they help earn you money to. I use it all the time.
There is food banks everywhere there is food stamps there are churches who give presents at xmas get on all the lists you my dear are just the one they are looking to help donât feel bad see if any of the school need lunch time help it pays good
Meal planning is your best way to start. Begin by doing a shop for 1 week. So think of 7 meals then pick all the ingredients for those meals. Youâll get the hang of it in no time
Congratulations on getting your life backing!
I have started completely over with two kids. You can do it too.
#1 Donât be so hard on yourself!
It takes time to rebuild your life and with kids everything takes twice as long because you have to rebuild everyone.
2. There is no time limit. However long you need is how long it will take.
3. Itâs ok to ask and accept help.
Prayers and enjoy your peace!!!
Honestly look on Craigslist in your area for free furniture in decent shape. As for food go get on snap and tanf. Tanf is temporary assistance for needy families. Also for your own sanity Iâd find some remedy that works for you for your self care. You gotta take care of yourself, before you can take care of your babies! you got this! You can do anything you put your mind to do.
No advise but congratulations momma, u doing amazing
Donât get involved with a manâŠspend these years focusing on yourself and the kidsâŠthey grow up so fastâŠspend your earned income tax credit⊠wiselyâŠmake a menu each week for your mealsâŠbecome a room parent if you can⊠enjoy your life and the kids while their still youngâŠ
Enjoy it all . Donât rush into another relationship just yet . Find you and go out and enjoy life
Baby steps. Donât buy so quickly, choose items carefully and focus on creating memories⊠always remember that your children have the same or similar experiences as you, understand less and blame themselves for it all⊠Best wishes!!
Just here to say congratulations and take it one day at a time.
My cheap and easy recipes:
Instead of meat, put tofu in soups & stews for protein. You can also use it instead of cream in cream soups (blend it in), to fortify pudding/pudding pies, or to add protein to smoothies. Very cheap & nutritious. If you donât tell, no one will know theyâre eating it. I never eat it plain though.
I also do 3/4ths hamburger to 1/4 tofu for burgers, meat loaf or meatballs to save $$.
Food banks will have a ton of pasta, rice & beans. Grab the brown rice if itâs an option (WAY more nutritious) or basmati (more delicious). Go for whole wheat pasta & bread for extra nutrition too, though not usually a food bank option.
Make a bunch of rice at once & freeze meal-sized portions so you just have to grab & nuke on weeknights.
Soak dried beans overnight, drain & cook the next day. Put some in chili w hamburger or firm crumbled tofu, some in a soup, some in a beans & rice recipe, save some for tacos (mash âem for refried beans) and Southwest salads.
Easy soup: chicken bouillon cubes, leftover chicken (even from fast food, just take off the breading), or tofu cubes, chopped onions, & mixed vegetables. Add any leftover veggies (like the beans) & celery if you have it.
Beef soup: any kind of beef cut into small pieces, hamburger, stretch it w tofu cubes, beef bouillon or broth, chopped onion, mixed vegetables & canned diced tomatoes (or fresh if you have), leftover tomato juice or V8. Add any leftover vegetables, beans, tofu and celery.
Alternative: beef broth, chopped onions & celery, cooked barley & sliced mushrooms. Add any kind of cooked beef (leftovers work great) or tofu. For extra flavor, fry onions, celery & mushrooms in butter first.
Loaded potatoes are always a hit. Any combination of cheeses, plain yoghurt, bacon, ham or Salad Toppings, broccoli, spinach or cauliflower work.
Buy a big tub of plain yogurt & add fruit, granola, Grape Nuts or other cereal, and/or fruit preserves, honey, maple or other syrup and/or lemon or lime juice. I like peanuts, chocolate chips & raisins/craisins or chopped dried apricots in plain yoghurt for dessert.
Get pie crust shells. Beat 4 eggs, add 2/3 cup cream or 1/2 and 1/2. (For one, quiche, but Iâd double it and make 2 since youâll have 2 pie shells in a pack). Add anything you want, bake 30-50 minutes for quiche. Great for leftover cheeses especially sharp ones like sharp cheddar, blue cheese, Parmesan but any will do including Velveeta & a combination works great. Add vegetables (anything except beets & red cabbage) from salad leftovers to canned or frozen or fresh ones. Artichoke hearts are a treat with spinach. I always add chopped onions or you can use dried minced ones from the spice section. Ham, bacon or fish work too. Good for breakfast, lunch, dinner or snack, hot or cold.
Get a rotisserie chicken when theyâre on sale. Slice the breast for sandwiches and dinners. Pick off larger pieces for chicken salad (add celery slices, Mayo, celery seed, water chestnuts if you can afford them, green herbs fresh or dried if you have any), or use chunks for chicken casseroles. Pick off smaller pieces for soup, a topping for green salads, tacos or BBQ sandwiches. Put the carcass & skin in a pot & cover with water, adding 1 bouillon cube per cup, and boil about 4 hours to make bone broth. Pour off broth & freeze in containers and/or make soup right away. Pick the remaining bits of chicken off the bones for soup. Save any wishbone for your kids to break as they make a wish.
Make crepes by doubling the liquid in pancake mix like Bisquick. Should be pretty runny. Spray non-stick pan w oil or melted butter. Ladle some mix in to just coat the bottom, tilting pan to cover. When batter starts to bubble and edges brown, use non-metal spatula to turn over & cook. Re-oil pan for the next one. Stack them on a plates as theyâre done. The first one always goes wrong, but keep going. Wrap the crepes on the plates & freeze in meal-sized portions. This is all time consuming but will save time later. Wash/load dishes in the few minutes the crepes are cooking but keep a close eye so they donât burn. To serve, take crepe pack out of the freezer & nuke for a minute or so to thaw. This will make them pliable so you can roll them without cracking. Fill, roll and bake at 350 degrees in a greased pan.
My fave crepe fillings:
Make white sauce with butter, flour, milk (look up bechamel). Add chicken pieces, cooked celery & onion, and tarragon if you have, or green olives, or salt & pepper.
Ham and cheese.
Omelet or scrambled eggs (I like to add salsa, chopped spinach, grated cheddar or other cheese, cooked ham, bacon or sausageâor tofu). Wrap in Saran Wrap or foil, nuke a minute or two and you have a hand held breakfast you can eat on the run.
Creamed spinach (you can add onions & Parmesan cheese)
Turkey, stuffing and gravy, maybe cranberry relish.
Refried beans (can mix w salsa), cheddar, maybe chicken or hamburger. Can top w plain yogurt and avocado.
Cooked apples and cinnamon or pears (top w ice cream or whipped cream).
I get a Grand Marnier mini from the liquor store, spread a crepe with apricot preserves or orange marmalade, fold in half, then quarters, nuke 30 seconds, pour teaspoon/s of Grand Marnier over top for dessert. You can flame the liquor in a spoon & pour over for flambé. You can also use plain sugar instead of preserves and put the Grand Marnier on before nuking to burn off the alcohol & leave the flavor.
I mix hamburger with a squirt of ketchup, dry mustard (with spices), dried parsley, dried onions, Worcestershire sauce, soy sauce and an egg, plus 1/4 tofu soup n the mix. Tasty! Good for burgers, meatloaf, & I always make a bunch of meatballs to freeze.
Meatballs are good for spaghetti of course, but also beef stroganoff (get a mix; you can add more mushrooms and onions if you want, serve over egg noodles),
Swedish meatballs.
Add to a bag of frozen Asian vegetables with broccoli over rice with soy sauce.
Hot cocktail appetizer: mix 1/2 Dijon mustard and 1/2 grape jelly, heat & add meatballs and serve with toothpicks. Serve leftovers over hole wheat egg noodles for dinner.
I usually use meat as a garnish more than a main course to save money. Protein from yogurt, tofu, beans, nuts, milk is generally cheaper. Avoid too much cheese; itâs not that healthy, especially if itâs not organic.
Dried milk lasts forever and you only need make what you need. You can use it to stretch organic regular milk too.
I look for organic dairy, meat, and poultry so you donât get fat & sick eating growth hormones, pesticides and antibiotics. If you use less you can afford it. If you have ALDI they have good prices on organic meat, poultry, eggs & dairy.
And yeah, stay single for at least a year & get therapy so you know how to avoid DV situations in the future, and analyze what made you get into one in the first place.
Enjoy being single and be there for your kids