So here goes …my bf inherited like 40000 dollars, and we went through it together, especially cause he had two DUIs, and we had to Pay lawyers and his dads bills, plus we had to pay to live, and I’m sorry if u think 40000 is a lot its really not we have hydro gas rent and three kids plus all his stuff to pay for …now he’s blaming me for "spending " all the money I’m so sick of it and honestly wanna leave! Everything he talks about is money, and I still have Bill’s to pay and feel scared to even ask him for a cent…he doesn’t know that I know he has like 1000 dollars in 100 dollar Bill’s and says he has no money meanwhile I’m trying to pay the Bill’s with little to no money I have I’m stressing like crazy trying to figure it out and he could care less as long as he had his money …what would you do?
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Boyfriend blames me for spending all our money - Mamas Uncut
I would sit down with a notebook and plan a budget. Make it clear who is to cover what expense in the plan. That way there is no confusion or arguments
Leave. Anyone that puts themselves before their family is selfish.
It’s his inheritance…
As far as him blaming you for spending all the money…ask him if pointing fingers is going to magically make it reappear. If the answer is no, then tell him to drop it and leave it alone.
Throw the whole man away🤦♀️ any man who watches you struggle isn’t worth keeping
What the heck? How does one not know they have 40k of debt to pay though?
I would leave. You’re already doing it on your own as it is. It’s causing you too much stress. Sounds like he has a temper, if you’re nervous about asking for money to help pay bills. I’ve been there. It’s not worth it, especially with three children. It’s difficult paying bills and having one child to care for let alone three. Sending good vibes your way.
Hes your boyfriend and youre acting all entitled like a WIFE 
Do either one of you work? How did you pay bills before he inherited that money?
Pack up ur kids n stuff n leave. He’s dead beat. With fines 4 DUI n watever other he’s not going 2change but blame u. Speak 2all the people /business u owe money to that u in a financial situation n u will pay da debt of slowly but surely. Or get help from a debt collector 2pay of all the debt u pay a fixed amount n have money 2live
Idk here’s a thought…
$40,000 is a lot of money. Get a job to pay your day to day bills. Your both to blame here
I would honestly try to sit down and come up with a game plan that will work with both u and also be upfront and honesty with each other and how it’s making u feel and try to work on plan and make monthly budget planner once a month and go it as a couple
You left out all the drugs you bought…
Shes not acting entitled her pos boyfriend is a narcissistic ass and she needs to leave him now
Type out on an excel spreadsheet to show where all the $$money went. Budget together and get the bank statements to show where it went.
Perfect time to leave, get income taxes on 3 kids and get a job get child support and don’t be with a man that blames bills and 3 kids on a gf
That could have bought a car or put towards a house! Both of you messed up but that money shouldn’t be relied on…. Y’all both need to cover the bills from a steady income.
I mean, fighting over already spent money seems a bit pointless to me, but if you plan on moving forward more communication about finances would probably help.
I was taught that each party should have their own bank accounts and have one joint account. Every paycheck put your portion in the joint account and pay bills that way. Keeps money separate but pay bills together…
The part of the story that’s missing is how long the money lasted? $40,000 is $3,333 a month. That should cover a mortgage and bills for a year, depending on where you live?
Was the first thing you listed as hydro meant as bud? Bc that’s how I read this and fr it sounds like maybe both your priorities are off. 2 ovi’s and that’s the first thing you listed as “expenses”, not to mention 40k is definitely a good chunk of money and if it was gone that fast then ya’ll both probably should be working to earn more and spend a lot less. We got a lot less and did a lot more with it so I can’t really understand how it wouldn’t be considered a decent amount of money.
Time to move forward and leave him in the rear view mirror. Get rid of him.
Get rid of him now!!!
Quit whining just leave
If you live together and have 3 kids you are a family! Wife or not. Marriage is just a piece of paper.
Any money belongs to the both of you to pay bills. Don’t ask for money to pay bills, if you need to pay bills and he has money then use it.
If you don’t want to leave, I highly suggest keeping receipts, bank card statements, etc of his and throwing them in his face if he brings it up 
If you do want to leave, do it as soon as possible. I personally can’t be around people that will get mad about some money. If I love someone and have something they don’t ima share it with them or get them their own. I believe in taking care of the people you love, like spoiling them with things they enjoy and showering them in positivity, love, and support. All I want in return is for you to have me when I’m low and you’re good. No “pay me back” shit. Just have my fuckin back when I need you 
if money can ruin a friendship or relationship then I take it as a win 
Sometimes, I really do wish I could hear/read both sides of these posts.
It sounds like a lot of money but its easily spent…he obviously knew it was being spent so write down as much as you can and show him where its gone…
40,000 is alot of money are you kidding 
sounds like yall got a whole lot of growing up to do
Too late, should of kept receipts of how it was spent. Do you have a job? If not get one…
For a of you asking if hydro is for growing weed… Hydro is a form of electricity… so electricity, gas and rent is what she was getting at
Sit together and make a plan on saving money even if it’s 20-80 here and there into an account or jar. Make plans moving forward. Make lists of what you want for the future and what he wants. He’s just upset because a big chunk of its gone and he’s probably like awww man I could’ve spent that better. Been there done that with alot more than 40k. Lol except I purchased 3 acres of land and all 3 of my vehicles are paid off.
Wanna leave now all his money is gone.
Give him all the bills. And shopping tasks. Let him see what it really takes.in God’s word the man is to be the head so let him take a load off you girl and give it to God
Walk away and do not look back. It is his problem NOT yours.
40,000? He’s crying over that? You’re scared to tell
Him u have bills u have to pay! That he’s not aware of??? Leave. Because you’ll never have anything in life if he’s crying and counting every cent of 40,000.I owe that in taxes almost every year and I’m not wealthy by any means….
If you wanna leave then leave!! It’s ur life
I have questions like how long ago did he get the inheritance? How much was his lawyer, fines and dads bills? Do you guys not have other sources of income? How did you pay rent and bills before the inheritance? I would be upset if my husband was hiding money from me and leaving me to figure out how to pay the bills on my own. Maybe make a budget and figure out how you two will pay them as a couple.
Discuss the issue at hand. An let him know you desperately need him to help pay on some bills
Sounds like you both need to get a job and need to reassess your priorities of spending, 40000 shouldn’t be gone that quick.
$40000 is ALOT of money lol I could sit on that for a year at LEAST lol
Trust me leave now! My husband is like that and always mad when he has to pay both car payments ($1230) and buy groceries where I pay the other $2k in bills alone.
So when he got the money did either of y’all even work?
Do you have a job? If not, get one.
Make hey itemize list of everything you spent the money on,
Then Make a list of Bills…
Then make a list of income
Did you both NOT have a job?? In reality $40,000 is nothing if neither of you had a job.
40,000 is definitely a lot of money. Sounds like y’all need some better spending habits.
You know you can always spot a gold digger within these moments. If a women is spending more then he can make sign one, if she is always on the internet buying stuff that are unnecessary sign two. Last but not least if you find her flirting with you just to gain money sign three. Leave her before she runs you dry.
Seriously, he’s had 2 DUIs that’s all the money there to keep him outta trouble, you need to leave his ass!!!
Id get a job and pay my own crap!!! I would NEVER depend on a man!!!
Don’t ask him for anything else and just pay expenses with your job. Pick up extra shifts at work if you need to. Save what you can so you can leave when able. Work on budgeting for the time being.
Me personally I would write out where all the money went. Then pack my shit or his. Throw it in his face tell him learn how to count or go back to school im done with your shit peace out. He’s the one that had 2 duis that’s something I would not stand for. Drinking and driving is absolutely not ok at all whatsoever. I would have been done along time ago.
Bruh I make like 20 sum thousand a year I have two kids and two step kids and I pay bills buy shit I my fiancé & kids need 40,000 is a lot of money sounds like y’all need to manage better… and have steady income did y’all think 40k was gonna last you a lifetime or what? 
Sounds like you guys aren’t working… I get that you have three kids so it makes sense for ONE of you to stay rather than pay daycare but you could also work opposite shifts like we do! You need more money coming in sooner than later hun.
Sounds like no one is working if y’all ran through 40,000 and now are struggling to make ends meet ….
What are you doing girl? Make more money.
40 k is not even rent money for the year these days.
What would I do ? I’d get a job so that I was no longer dependent on what he gave you … it’ll be hard,but it don’t sound easy now…
In my state an average DUI runs close to ten grand with attorney fees and breathalizer payments, so 2 of those and paying some of his dads bills you guys aint fightin over that much, but if he thinks payin bills is pissing it away then you got long term problems
Get a job and hell no 40,000 is not alot of money. I legit have to make at least 50,000 to live off for one year.
Y’all sound like you both need to get jobs.
Some of these answers are sad… people need to quit shaming if they can’t give solid advice. As a stay at home mother, my husband is the one that brings the income and we have it as a mutual agreement. Lately… with all this covid crap… money has been the biggest struggle. My best advice would be to sit him down and work out a budget on paper together. Save your future receipts and keep track of your spending. Write it down in a book that you two can both keep an eye on it together.
he shared 39k n down to his last 1k n because he doesn’t want to share that, you’re ready to leave. Now he is wrong for blaming u for spending the entire 40k. But baby a lot of men switch up when they ahead and try to come back once they fall on their face. He stuck around.
Lay it all out. Show him how much his duis cost, and his lawyers. I know they can cost up to $20k + so if he had two? Oof! But lay your bills out too- how much it all is. And say I pay this. You can pay this. And if he can’t /won’t you need to reevaluate your relationship
So are neither of you working? Cuz it sounds like you both were trying to live off that.
I’m confused…you clearly could afford to live how your living before he inherited the money…so why all of a sudden do you need to spend his inheritance. There’s got to be more to this…
2 DUIs? And it sounds like he is gaslighting you, blaming you for the money spent. You’ve got major red flags.
His inheritance, his money. My HUSBAND got $140,000 in inheritance plus $18,000 life insurance. We are married but have separate bank accounts (I wanted this). His money goes into his account and I don’t ask about it. I don’t ask for any of it. He paid off his debt, $7,000, bought a new fridge and washer (desperately needed) for our house and now the rest is sitting for a rainy day. I work and pay for my half of our bills. We have four children.
My advice is get a job or pick up shifts and pay your own way. Don’t ask him for help. $40,000 is a lot if you both are working. You can also survive being a single mom if he continues to blame you. Yes, make him provide child support but remember that is support not meant for you to just live off him. It’s to support your income.
One of y’all definitely need a secure job…
My question is do you even love him anymore? It sounds like you’re fed up. Is that yalls only issue in the relationship? Couples will fight about money and sex the most. A lot of that can be fixed. But if you don’t even LIKE him anymore… what’s the point hun? Is he the type to hold grudges and never let stuff go? If so then you’re fighting a losing battle. Get a better job and forget him. Make your own money bags girl. Good luck 
He inherited the money but y’all spent it together. That last 1k, whether he has it or not, is his. If you are questioning whether to leave over this 1k you may have wanted to leave before and are trying to talk yourself into it? Y’all may be better off going your separate ways.
I would write down on paper what that was spent on. How much has been given to his dad. How much has been on the DUIs.
How much has gone to kids.
How much you have spent. Etc.
lay it all out. Y’all shouldn’t be paying his fathers bills regularly if you are also struggling.
Also Get. On. A. Budget.
40,000 is a lot if you don’t spend it frivolous. Inheritance is something that comes around once if you’re lucky… it’s not a reoccurring income. Sounds like you need a job. You’re saying 40,000 isn’t a lot, but his 1000 he has left is? None of this is realistic. Get a job and support yourself.
Sounds like yall need JOBS
You sound like you’ve been together for a while and you obviously live together and have kidd together so don’t matter if married or boyfriend and gf he needs to contribute to pay the bills weather out his wage or his Inheritance its still money and bills needs to be paid and kids still need things proper couple share things there is no his or hers it’s ours he shouldn’t be watching her struggle when he clearly sitting on money while she needs it to pay bills etc
Sounds like you need to write down exactly where all the money went and separate it out between what you spent on your behalf and what he spent on his and his family behalf then put the bills in a separate column because that is a shared cost as in you both use the utilities etc…
So maybe yall both should have been more responsible with his money.If the money is gone and yall have nothing to show for it you are both fools.that could have been a down payment on a house where your mortgage could have been cheaper then your current rent…yall were living your best life now its back to reality…smh
Dump him and get a job?
Drunk driving is stupid & expensive. I bet that was at least half the money
I would File for gov housing and build up my own money to leave.
Just unreal lady! I guess you are ready to leave him now?! You done went & used him for his inheritance, shame on you &, that was absolutely not yours. Not a penny was yours to spend &/or receive, unbelievable! Why you thinking you entitled?! You robbed that man &, you admitted it. Get you a job & pay him every penny of his money back. He neefs kick you outta his life quick. You should be ashamed of yourself, ashamed!!!
I would leave just over the 2 DUI’s but that’s my mindset. I’d also make sure both of us were working. If it’s your boyfriend inheritance then he’s not responsible for paying your bills with it. Should he be able blaming you, no. But if bills and kids are involved then jobs should be too.
My husband and I have been married 32years and have never done separate accounts or my money your money thing.What we both work for or have is ours.I do realize I got lucky when I found my man so nothing against anyone that does things different. I realize a lot of people have to to be able to have anything.
Average cost of a dui is $4,100. People typically don’t get their inheritance till after the deceased person’s debts, inheritance taxes and lawyers are paid so things aren’t adding up. I inherited 50k over 20 years ago and still have it despite getting a dui while battling depression after the lose of my father. Perhaps your BF felt that that money was the only thing he had left from his loved one that passed. What country did this take place in and how much time went by before the funds were depleted. Did you all not have jobs? Too many unknowns to truely give good advice. You both need jobs if you don’t have them and to set a budget. There are millions of people that would love to make 40k in a year so yes it’s a lot of money.
40k would be a lot of money if yall had job.
I’m just here for the comments
Red flags all around
40k could pay my bills for a good while. I’m not understanding this post at all.
So basically you guys blew through the money and he doesn’t have much left so he is keeping it all for himself? ….no thanks!!
Hand over the bill paying job. Ask him to do the best he can. Mean time look for an alternative living situation.
$40k is more than my income in one year…
Seriously this is stupid as f***. That is a lot of money, if you had jobs, and spent the money you make on bills and use that 40k on back up. He should have 1k stacked in 100’s because that’s the smart thing to do. It does sound like you’re spending his money. Let me guess, you have nothing to show for that 40k either.
Ok, sit down and figure out where all the money went:
Lawyer A….$___
Lawyer B……$___
Court Costs…$___
Dad’s debts….$___
Household Expenses
Utilities……$/month $_ total over X months
Rent….$/month, $ total over X months
Heat….&/month, $ total over X months
Water….$/month, $ total over X months
Electricity….$/month, $ total over X months
Repairs and upkeep….$___ over the past 6 months
Car/gas/transportation ….$/month, $ total over X months
Food….$/month, $ total over X months
Entertainment….$/month, $ total over X months
Personal purchases
Him:….$___
Her……$___
Maybe divide the last two into needs and wants
Analyze what you spent wisely, what you spent foolishly and think about what you could have done better. How would you have paid for everything without the inheritance?
Then figure out your ongoing expenses and determine how you’re going to pay for them in the future without the inheritance money, and determine who will be responsible for which bills, or how much each will contribute to an account from which all bills are paid. If he has money left over it should go in a certificate of deposit that you can’t touch for years.
You should have used it to pay off his and his family’s debts and invested the rest or put it in a savings account. He doesn’t have to share his inheritance with you at all. Would you let him spend your inheritance if you had one? Why aren’t you both saving for emergencies or the future?
How would you have managed without the inheritance? Do you bring in the same amount of income? Time to step up your hours, get a better job, or get a second job if you don’t have enough to cover your expenses. Also, time to cut back on wants and stick to only paying for needs.
Cut back on expensive food: make more from scratch, eat more vegetarian meals, buy cheaper foods of good quality. Drop most desserts and other unhealthy stuff. Make popcorn vs. buying chips, pack sandwiches and fruit when going out/to work instead of eating fast food, switch to homemade iced tea or buy seltzer water vs. sodas.
Borrowed puzzles, books, board or card game nights vs. expensive video games, or nights on the town, more walking and following exercise videos vs, gym memberships or classes, Lots may be available at a library and swap with friends. Buy alcohol and drink at home with friends and play music vs. going out to drink (safer too if no one has to drive).
If you’re doing well on your new budget, have small splurges: one mid-to-low-priced meal out a week, one night of inexpensive entertainment a month. like a movie or maybe bowling. Otherwise do free stuff and invite friends over for fun activities.
Anyone who doesn’t learn a lesson after one DUI is a loser. I’d be long gone.
Sounds like both of you need to find jobs. Cause you can 100% live off of a $40,000 salary. Or y’all really need to cut expenses and look into a lot of Financial planning resources. -Wants v.s. Needs-
I got 3 kids too and we are doing fine on that same income.
Sounds like there is way more to this then being said to many things not matching up
Where do you live where 40k isn’t a lot of money?
We have 3 kids, gas, water, electric, rent, insurance, pets, etc and 40k would be a godsend
So im a lil confused here so please work with me
2 dui’s only cost a few thousand &unless ur months way behind in bills … Still nor a problem
I was married over 20 yrs – 3 kids n that kinda $ would have kept us going 4 a long time
Sounds like poor $ management…unless there’s $ being spent ur not telling
Sounds like you both are running through that 40k and need to prioritize better. Had you not got that money, how would you have paid your bills? You both are pointing the finger at each other when it seems like both of you are irresponsible. Sorry
Seriously go find a sugar daddy 