Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Can a husband stay home with the kids and be okay? - Mamas Uncut
I am rather bread winner of.my family. And my hubby, the step father is home with the kids, gets them read yofor school, and cleans the home. He is a blessing and I love all the hard.work he does for our family
I love it. He has more patience than I do.
He hasn’t resented me as we are a team. When I come home I give him a break as our youngest is like 10 kids in 1.
If he’s a good man it will be fine.
He’s 4 years and counting as a SAHD.
I love being at work and being able to concentrate instead of worrying about the safety of our kids.
Btw, our house is always spotless and he even cooks dinner sometimes.
I think it it works for both of you then great! Communicate with each other what you both want. And maybe don’t call him mr. Mom, cause dads do this stuff too!!
sometimes we don’t have a choice in the dynamic and make the best of it of what we can. its awesome you can talk about it and have some support. maybe have a team meeting before and make a game plan.
My other half is the stay at home parent! Everything has been just fine for 2 years now. Nothing has changed between us as far as resentment or anything. We both have a mutual dislike for the town we are in and I suppose maybe they have more than I because I get out 6 days a week for work.
Have you asked him his opinions on this? What does he think? My fiance and I work opposite shifts. He gets the kiddos ready for school, I pick them up. He also puts them to bed every night (I work at 2am) he does help out a bit around the house and cooks dinner on nights he is home. We make it work.
Why can’t you both work and put kids in school?
First, I wanna say: how lucky your kids are. Had you at home to care for them & now dad. That’s awesome! Have a good long conversation. Tell him how you feel & what you’re afraid of. Being a man means he takes care of his family, whether that’s a paycheck or stay at home dad. Good luck!
This dynamic works for my family. I am the breadwinner and my SO stays home. He does most of the household chores and I help out when I am home. Teamwork is what makes it work for us. Just because we don’t have the traditional dynamic doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with it.
It really is all according to his ego.
I went back to work when my son was 3 weeks old! My husband nailed the role!
Taking care of your kids is a manly thing to do.
We did this for a long time before I had some health problems. Worked pretty well, I made more money with my degree and he was more patient with the kids. He wasn’t quite as great with the multi-tasking as I am but he did a great job.
It really depends on him. A lot of men that have stay-at-home wives are because that’s who they are they like being the breadwinner or they don’t really want to do the day-to-day work of kids and house and all that. Then there’s other guys that just shine at it there’s no way for us to know what type of personality your other half has. Best of luck
My husband did for almost 2 years and it was really hard on him because he always worked and I stayed home after 2 years I started having health problems and he went back to work and has been happier
My husband and I have both had our times of being the SAHP. Honestly, my husband loved it where I went a little stir crazy lol. How does he feel about the idea of staying home? If he doesn’t want to do it or at least give it a shot, it’s not worth it. If he’s all for it, it should be fine. Just make sure he knows how much you appreciate all his hard work.
It definitely can work. Just make sure you both have open communication. And if his feelings change down the road I don’t see any reason why the two of you can’t work it out. Lots of households have both parents working outside the home.
You’re thinking way too much about this. Communication is an awesome tactic that so many people fail to utilize.
Growing up my parents took turns who stayed home with us. Majority it was my mom as a SAHM but my dad did it a year or 2. Great memories of both. My kids were raised 5 years with their step dad/dad being at home.
I work and my husband stays home with our 1. Year old since she was born he cooks in cleans before I come home I do help when I get home
My husband is a stay at home daddy for our 2 and 4 year olds. It works for us because I also am in school full time, so I was able to find a great paying job on the time that I am able to work around school. I work 4 days, but full time hours, and make enough to support our family. He stays home with them to assure they have a safe and educational place. We have done the one parent working since my daughter was born. The first year after my son was born I stayed home, then when hubby got laid off with the pandemic, roles reversed again. It is the best thing for our kids to have one of us home with them.
I do it. It’s not good jmo
It can work— my husband stays at home with our five while I work.
My advice is to give it time and don’t have the same expectations that you would for yourself!
For example, I am a clean freak and my husband is not—he keeps the house from utter destruction but doesn’t do what I would normally do.
It’s okay though as he is fantastic at cooking and really enjoys it- so takes dinner duty (as well as feeding kids well during the day).
Have the kids pitch in where they can and have patience as your family finds their new groove.
Also, remember that the children need different things from mom and dad so while he will likely be fun playing with them throughout the day, they will need that quiet, snuggle time with mama when you get home!
Lol, talk to him. Wth.
Godfrey - if we keep telling men they’re incompetent—- all we will have left is incompetent men. ( judging by what we have now there’s not much left to work with). Let them provide care, cook, clean, etc. you ladies make them sound like ninnies for Pete’s sake.
I work full time hours as private duty nurse and my husband stays home with our kids. He was a restaurant manager prior. We talked about it when the opportunity came up. Our son is autistic and needed one of us full time. Since then weve had our daughter. Shes almost 2 now. My husband does a wonderful job with being the stay at home parent. However, I can tell it takes a toll on him. As it does any stay at home parent/ primary caregiver. I work long hours 7a-7p. He does what he can and I do what I can. Most days and nights are nonstop but we catch up things together on my off time. I also try to make sure to be accommodating to his needs for alone time, breaks, and time with friends. We find it works for us for now. It was scary switch but you never know until you try. I’d just ask him what he thinks about it and also lay out all things that would NEED to be done that you do that he may not be aware of. This way hell kinda see how much hell have to juggle prior to making the decision
My husband is a sahd and I work full time. Literally have never had an issue with him being the stay at home parent. He takes care of the kids and does most of the house work and cooking except for laundry because I prefer to do that myself. If you can’t trust your partner to watch the kids on their own, why are you having kids with them. Yall need to hold men accountable and make them be proper parents and adults, and stop catering to bum ass guys that can’t handle watching kids alone long enough for the mom to shower. My husband is still the man of the house. Him working in the home or out of the home makes literally no difference in our dynamic.
Based on what I’ve seen happen before I think it’s important to ask yourself also if you can fully support his role without making him seem as less of a man. Just heard a chick say about her hubs the other day “well I pay all the bills and he just stays home” umm you agreed to that so…
Talk to your husband about the opportunity… Maybe even have him keep working but part time, so just like us when we’re stuck at home with the kids, we just wanna get out of the house for a little bit, talk like adults iinstead of tiny humans 
there are many options… Have a conversation with hubby you might br surprised by his answer (in a good way too 
) this could be his opportunity to do things like fishing and hunting with the kids… Doing awesomely crazy fun “dad” stuff… But again, if you dont talk to him about it, you wont know
I feel like this question is ridiculous. If he chooses to stay home and be a stay-at-home dad there’s nothing you can do to make him feel good about himself that’s something that he has to do on his own. That’s like him being worried about how you are handling being a stay-at-home mom he provided financially and never one time questioned it. So you as a woman shouldn’t question whether or not your husband and the father of your kids is responsible enough to care for them.
Would it be an option for you both to work and just hire a nanny? Sounds like your opportunity is too good to pass up and if you fee your husband isn’t up to Mr. Mom tasks that would be the best option. Would bring in even more income even with a childcare expenses and nobody has room for resentment.
My fiance did it. I worked full time and supported us while he went to college to further his career. I was worried but he took right to it and loved it. My daughter got fed and bathed and he rocked the stay at home dad. He loves thinking back to it too bc he was able to get a lot of one on one time with our daughter while she was young. I think it all depends on the person. I agree with the give it time at first and don’t hold him to high expectations. Its all new and an adjustment for him but he will get in the groove. It’ll come naturally just like it does for women 
At varying points, my husband made more than I did. Or I made more than he did. Sometimes he was out of work (he was a contractor). He is retired now and does most of the housework. I have an outside job. It is always the same: all the money, all the housework is OURS to do. Not his, not mine, OURS. We are a couple and it has never bothered him. Because never is it his or mine, always OURS.
A family is all about teamwork. Making the best life you can for everybody. Shouldn’t matter who earns what.
If one of you earns enough to have the other at home with the kids then that makes more sense than struggling or both working and paying childcare.
As long as you are both happy with the arrangement I dont see why it cant work. After the kids are at school the arrangement can change . They are small for such a short time its a bonus to spend time with them and life if fluid…its not set in stone
You just need to talk to him and see how he feels about the situation. It all depends on how it would affect him mentally. Yall have to make the decision together.
My husband would absolutely not be okay with staying at home. He was raised by grandparents and great grands and learned that old school mentality from his great grandfather…he feels it’s his duty to take care of his family and it takes a huge toll on him when he feels like he’s not “doing his job”. He also is very high energy and has a physical need to be out of the house doing manual labor to burn his energy out. He just wouldn’t properly function being stuck at home. He would encourage me to take the job if it’s what I wanted and suggest we hire a private sitter for our kiddos that aren’t in school so that he could also continue to work.
My ex on the other hand, forced me to be the breadwinner because he was too lazy to work. He straight up refused. In our 10 years together, he only had 3 jobs, 2 of which he blew off by doing stupid stuff to intentionally get fired because he didn’t want to work. He wanted to sit on the couch and play computer games all day while our toddlers destroyed the house. He cooked dinner a lot, but besides that he didn’t do a thing.
I’ve always hated how it’s looked at as “Mom’s job” to take care of the kids. You are BOTH parents, you BOTH made them together & you BOTH can equally take care of them. He will figure it out just like you did!!
If women can stay home, so can he.
All I know is that my first husband wanted to be the stay at home and then got mad because my job (in healthcare) required on call and out of town meetings sometimes …he warned about all that before, and he wanted me to make those dollars…it blew up in my face every argument we had got twisted into me working too much, and thinking I was big and bad because I made a good amount of money…no amount of reassuring helped. I hope this works better for you!!
My in laws have been married 56 years and they both always shared everything! Their advice to me was “let whoever is good at it, do it” no gender roles! He does the dishes and gardens and she kills all the scorpions and spiders! She was a fireman/ems and he worked in telephone repairs! They are lovely and happy almost 60 years
I work full time and my husband has been a stay at home dad for over 4 years now. I was the stay at home/part time working parent until my career took off. It all depends on him and you. My husband has never felt like him having a job makes him a man, but he has had others make comments to him about not working and is he sure that’s what he wants, etc. People are very sexist, even without realizing it sometimes.
This is a conversation that can only be had with him. You shouldn’t need to make him feel manly. You are not responsible for his masculinity. Stay at home dads are manly af taking care of their kids, and it’s insulting for you to insinuate otherwise.
Not if he doesn’t want to do that… run it by him but no way do you try to convince him to. It may emasculate him
It depends on the husband to be honest. Mine couldn’t do it and take care of the house.
He was off due to an injury awhile back. Nothing too serious, he could still do stuff. He kept the kids alive and that was it. He wouldn’t do laundry or dishes or anything for the house. I’d come home from working a 12 hour shift at the hospital to find him playing PS4 with both our kids in PJs from all day.
I’d ask him if he made dinners and he’d be looking at me all shocked like he didn’t know he was supposed to do that 
. Laundry piled up and honestly the kids were neglected. It wasn’t just me being picky either, I let that crap go years ago.
So basically, I’d say try it but have that conversation of what you expect from him bc some dudes need it spelled out.
When I was a cdl driver my child’s father never worked since i made enough he stayed home with our daughter, cleaned house ect. The only issue we had is him calling me 24/7 to tell me their issues of them not getting along. Nd what he should do to handle certain situations. And sometimes hed forget that he’s gotta brush hair n teeth some basic things children need 
the only reason it was an issue for me is cause I drive so cant be on phone 24/7 stressing about whats going on at home
Does he think he can do it?
We can’t answer this. You need to have a candid conversation with your husband. Every man is different. Some would do well, some would hate it, and some would love it for a couple of months before they realize it’s not good long-term. Just like any woman. 
If the opportunity is that great, take it. Let him try out being a stay at home dad. If that doesn’t work for him, then save until you have a couple weeks of childcare, put them in daycare or with an individual in their home and let him go back to work. Having kids is all about finding the financial balance for the household, yes. But the financial balance can’t be allowed to completely tear someone down either.
This is something that only he can give you insight on. And even then, his feelings may change as he actually experiences it. You both have to prioritize what the other needs to be happy, and then find the common ground.
It gives him an opportunity to spend one on one time with the kids that you have been able to do for along time. It’s going to be an adjustment but as long as he thinks of it as a good opportunity then I think things will go fine. It will also give him the chance to get things done that maybe he’s been wanting to do but hasn’t had the time to do because he worked! I would talk to him and get his input before deciding that way if he tells you upfront that he isn’t too fond of the idea you can expect a little backlash later but if he’s telling you he’s okay with it and is supportive then it also puts your mind at ease
My fiancé is very much a type A personality and I worried the same when I became the main source of income. He did a beautiful job with our daughter & she got to spend more time with him.
It works amazing for me and my husband, he loves staying at home with our daughter. However in my relationship there is no “man of the house” we are equal partners with equal power
Unless a man has some kind of masculinity issue, a stay at home dad is no different then a stay at home mom…
Why can’t you both work tf?
Don’t get him to do anything, let this be what you both want, no pressure on you or your hubby, try not to have "what ifs ", if you both want it, it will work, good luck 
My husband is alpha and manly man af. Yet he still wishes he could be the stay at home parent 
. Everyone is different
Lists mama. Write down daily lists of what is expected like Tuesday’s laundry and Wednesday’s grocery shopping ya know that type of stuff. Write down a schedule of what the kids have and try not to disrupt the routine they have going on now to make things smooth for dad. This is going to be awesome for you guys!
This is why we need to normalize a sharing of responsibilities and drop the man of the house/woman of the house thing.
Talk about it, with him. See if he’s okay with it. See if he actually understands what he needs to do to make it work. We can’t answer if it will work for your relationship.
My husband hates people so staying home with the kids is his dream!
I’ve a friend who’s done it very successfully. Mine isn’t very domesticated so we’re planning to switch roles again. It’s annoying when school still rings Mom and not Dad “because they don’t want to bother him” My SAHD happens to be Dr so they’re scared to call him I think but they did improve over time with that. I can’t promise you it will work perfectly because I don’t know your DH but if you think he’ll cope with it, then things will be fine, honest. Just be ready for stoopid people making stoopid comments about pinnys or you spending all of his money when you buy work clothes!
A dad can be a stay at home just as well as a mom. A true man is one who takes care of his family. This does not necessarily mean financially. Making sure this kids are ok and thriving is the most important thing.
during covid mine was layed off and i started doing instacart and making money, not alot and we had his unemployment checks but he was the one that stayed home and watched kids and took care of the house and nothing really changed. 
The question is: is he willing to do all the things that need to be done during the day? How is he with the kids? Does he show them enough attention?
I don’t think it’s as easy for a man to stay home as it is for a woman because men are geared to be the breadwinner. I know that’s old-fashioned.
I had a couple that did this. She made more money then him & had better benefits. So he decided to stay home. What a wonderful chance for any man to spend that much time with his baby. Weekends he was a sport coach . But he said he wouldn’t have changed it for anything. Second baby came, ( I was the mom’s post partum nurse both times) before the second baby, the dad started a on line business, but still loved being a stay at home dad
If him being a stay home “ threatens his manhood” he has issues. He is a parent so being a stay at home shouldn’t matter on what gender he is.
If he wants to do it, that’s awesome! My husband was a stay at home dad for a couple years and we both loved the arrangement
My SIL has an excellent job that she loves. She’s always been very career oriented. My Brother has a JD in law and another PHD. He’s a stay at home Dad and LOVES it. He’s become a gourmet cook, completely remodeled their home, and custom landscaped their property. He helps with homework and coaches. It works for them.
My husband and I have both played the role of stay at home. We both learned to just appreciate the other ones efforts because working is hard and so is staying home. We didnt have any problems.
Pitch it to him as a temporary gig: you do this for X years & then they’ll all be in school & you can work out something else. He should keep up with his network, news & stay in/join an organization in his field to keep up with his profession in he meantime. You can take an occasional day off for him to attend a class, workshop or networking event.
He can also do consulting or the occasional job if he needs to feel he’s contributing financially and to have a work title. Maybe one project a year is enough.
Have him connect with other stay at home dads online or in person so he doesn’t feel like the odd man out.
Tell him it’ll be the toughest job he’ll ever love. Hope it works out for your family! My daughter is looking at this once they have kids.
During the beginning of then pandemic I was customer service a was a worker the entire time hubby lost his Jon and stayed home woth our son for almost 7 months before jobs started hiring it was tough but it can be done good luck
Why does he have to though? Why can’t he continue to work if he wants too?
I wouldn’t be with a man who couldn’t/ wouldn’t do this. It’s almost 2022, leave that misogyny in the past where it belongs!
Has he said anything to make you think he’ll break?
My husband and I have switched back and forth the last few yrs cuz I prefer working but then got pregnant. It might take a couple months for him to get in the swing of his own routine so be patient and help him out or give tips. Dads love being home with their kids too!
Maybe you both work and put some money away so you never have to “struggle” again.
Why would it not make him feel like the man of the house? I hate that it’s typically only women who care for the kids and home… it shouldn’t be. A man lives there too, and a man is a parent too.
It shouldn’t make him feel anything but proud to be able to be there for his children.
Get the kids in school and daycare and he can work too.
My husband and I have both been working and stay at home parents…we both do okay being at home…since we have an equal partnership and don’t focus too much on traditional gender roles it doesn’t make either of us feel a certain type of way being at home…honestly he’s better at being the stay at home parent than I am lol
I’ve been the bread winner for over a year. My husband stayed home throughout the pandemic to care for our three kids. It works well for us. He was a better stay at home parent than I was! I make significantly more money and he has zero issues with that. As with most things, communication is key.
Mr mom aside, I feel like If this is your families chance to be financially stable, than your husband should take one for
The team, compromise and in 3 years when the youngest is in school full time he can go back to work.
He will only be a SAHD for 2 years my husband would love that opportunity but unfortunately I couldn’t do what he does to keep us financially a float solely
It will be fine as long as that is what he wants to do…
Why doesn’t he work a night job a few days a week?? My husband works all day and I work at night and on weekends. The double income would be great
My husband has always stayed home , I’ve always worked , he still has all the “man duties” I still have the “woman duties “ if I slack he helps me if he slacks I help him .
There’s no real roles in our relationship we’re a team , whatever it takes to make sure our kids are good .
Your a team he’s your equal as long as you keep his ego up he will always feel like the man of the house. Let him be invested in the finances even though he’s not bringing any in.
My brother inlaw did it for five years
During the pandemic I worked and hubby stayed home with our daughter. He loved it! “The man of the house” is still a man regardless of his responsibilities. He’ll get to be a dad and watch his children grow which is the most important role of his life. We’re both working again now and we all miss how it used to be when he was home. Take the opportunity.
Support each other whatever it takes you already know it’s a lot but teamwork makes the dream work 
I would put the kids in daycare and have him work as well if you think this would cause an issue in your relationship and home life. Being a stay at home parent is not easy and definitely not for everyone. If he’s up for it, great. If not, daycare is a good option especially if you’ll be making good money.
Why can’t he continue to work and you take the new job and your life improves that much more?
I would love to have my husband stay at home!! We both work but if I could support us with my income alone he would definitely be an awesome stay at home dad. And personally he’d do much better than me at it!
As long has he holds it down at the house and does his part then it can work. But if he fails to do so and isn’t helping with the house or doing his duties then it really does start to feel like you are raising a grown man and your kids. Trust me been there done that.
When I hear three kids, always struggled financially, this could change our lives…
Weighed against will my husband still feel like a man.
Do it. Take the job.
If your husband was a man before, he still is.
Division of household labor doesn’t need to take gender into account at all. The myth that it does is a prevalent bamboozlement perpetuated by what bell hooks (gone too soon! May her memory be a blessing) called Imperialist White Supremacist Capitalist Patriarchy.
You must know very well taking care of kids full time is very hard and takes a lot of love and commitment. Presumably you love your husband. You may well come to love him even more if he steps up here. Let him know what a hero he is to you. Treat him well. He’ll be ok.
Maybe don’t call him “mr. mom” because he might not love that and he’s still the dad and you’re still the mom if that’s the way it was before.
We did this when my older kids were little. It was fine. Now they’re grown and I have a 5 yr old and I’m a sahm. My husband made it look easy. It is not…lol
My husband retired from the military after 20 years, we have 2 teens and a toddler. We thought him staying home was a great idea, child care is hard to find in our area now he’s in half day pre K. Eventually my husband decided to take a part time job. He wasn’t happy without something to focus on. The part time job has worked well. I’m a realtor and can set my own schedule around when he does work and my moms helps out when needed.
Why would he need to not work your 2 oldest are in school full time the little could go to daycare win win for everyone
I say talk to him and get your reassurance from him.
Well first of all don’t call him Mr Mom there’s also no reason that he would not be allowed to still work if he wanted to.
Why not both work and save ?
Mine stayed home for 8 months and I have always worked he did nothing in the house a dish here and there after me complaining , doesn’t cook he basically had an 8 month vacation
I’d think every man is different, you have to talk to him and see if he’s up for it. It’s not an easy job dedicating your life to taking care of the home and children, he could work p/t with some daycare time.
Good luck
My son has been the stay at home parent - he and his partner have a 4yr old and twin girls who will turn 3 in Feb. His partner didn’t cope with staying at home and as they are so young (he will be 25 in Jan) they hadn’t had time to establish careers, etc. They decided he would stay at home and it hasn’t been good for him. He is a quiet person. None of their friends have children so he didn’t do the Mum things - Playgroup, Coffee etc. He has become very isolated, they are very low income family. It is tricky as both working it will see one wage going just on day care costs but I said to him it is time they accept that and he get on with his life. The positives - he has the most wonderful relationship with his children. He is a great parent and has been a very supportive partner. I am sad that they are such young parents but that is a whole other story. Ensure you partner has a network of friends, know that most males do not clean as thoroughly as a female so don’t be expecting unrealistic standards. They Parent and keep house a little differently - it isn’t wrong - just different. It can be done and done really well. My ex husband said I took his balls away as I earnt far more than he did. I don’t judge my worth or anyone else’s on their situation in life but many people identify themselves by their work. You really need to be sure support structures are in place.