Stop believing you are not worthy. Know your worth and move on without him.
You don’t love him. Sorry, there are a lot of things this is, but love isn’t one of them. He doesn’t love you. This he has proven. You will never be married. If he were willing, you would have been part of HIS family’s life. Enjot the fling, then move on.
Don’t walk, RUN !!!
Him…rude that’s not love
Anything by that causes this level of stress is not going to work. If you feel like it’s not what it seems it’s because it isn’t. He probably likes you just fine and he may care about you but if he’s telling you what he wants and you are not it and doesn’t reassure you that he’s in it for the long haul and you feel like you are not good enough it’s got to stop for your own mental health. You haven’t done anything wrong. You have to get yourself away from this to think clearly.
Ask him what his intentions are. Is he serious about you? You’ve been together three years. It’s enough time to know if you have a future together. I wonder if his attitude is because he is conflicted between what he wants (hopefully you) and what his family wants. If you’re brought up thinking you’ll marry a certain culture or religion it can feel weird to marry outside of it. On the flipside, if it turns out he’s just a verbally abusive jerk with no intention of ever marrying you, at least you’ll know! (My profile pic is very old indeed in case you think I’m a slushy romantic and I definitely know about cultural and religious expectations!)
By the way, Albanians ARE white. I just checked to make sure. I sadly think he may be a gaslighting jerk…I hope not. Point out he’s white and see how he reacts. All the Albanians I know are paler than I am. Remember you are a fabulous person who could easily find better and that he should be grateful you’re in his life. I hope that it’s just him feeling bad about his culture and religion but no one deserves to be messed with.
Get out of that fast. Similar situation experience.
Anyone who doesn’t accept you as you are, doesn’t love you!! You should NEVER have to change in order to be loved by someone! You know what you need to do. Verbal abuse hurts just as much if not more than physical. Get away from him as soon as you can!
Babe if he plays your relationship off now as not being serious with his parents do you really think he will ever go against them and their belief. You’ve been taking that verbal abuse for 3 years now. It’s not gonna change. A light bulb isn’t gonna just magically go off and he treat you different. Him making you feel ashamed of yourself is NOT OK. In the heat of the moment people say things yes but if it mattered to him how you felt he would have already tried to watch his tongue. Get out and find yourself. Love yourself and someone will come along who loves you for you and you would ever be portrayed as not serious or hurt like that.
Enjoy the sex and company when it’s good, but keep your options open. He is not husband material at all. Actually he would treat you even worse if he did marry you, you’d be a mere possession and always looked down on by his family. Don’t settle, keep looking and keep your options open. You deserve so much more and better than this.
yes, culture clashes can ruin a relationship. If his long term goal is to find an Albanian wife then you should end it now. His family may never accept you. Ask him to tell his family that you guys are serious about being together, do a face time with both of you and see how they react. In his culture women are treated very differently than they are here in Canada, you will need to respect that and follow his beliefs…are you willing to do that? Albanian men are very verbally and emotionally abusive to their women, it’s just the way the culture is. The question is, are you willing to put yourself in that position? Can you deep down accept that you will never be good enough for him, or are you willing to love yourself more and realize that abuse in any form is wrong?
This whole post was a red flag.
Find someone worthy of you. Do not go a day more being disrespected like that.
Best of luck to you and your decision.
Well I’m just wondering why you’re still with him. Many wish they could have those signs before marriage to get the hell a going… if anything it would most likely get worse as time goes on. Disrespect is nothing to turn your cheek about
You feel like you’re losing your mind because he is emotionally abusive. Find a therapist and leave him.
Run!! And never look back…if this was your mother, daughter or a friend, you would tell them this is abusive relationship and they deserve better. You deserve that too. This will only get worse. Now is the best it will ever be and now is mentally abusive. That 90% good guy is really 90% manipulative and abusive. He has just hidden it so you mostly see the 10% good. Find a good man.
He is slowly eroding your confidence - major red flag.
Run and don’t look back,
He won’t change.
You say he has made you feel ashamed of who you are and where you were born…if he doesn’t like you as a Canadian…then he should leave this country…do not take the abuse…as others said RUN
Run for the hills. Everything you mentioned were reasons not to stay.
Don’t stay with him. No partner should make you feel ashamed of who you are or where you’re from.
I think it’s not because you are white it’s because I assume he is a Muslim and you are a non Muslim white or black doesn’t matter
But I agree he shouldn’t treat you the way you mentioned above but at the same time it’s typical for some men
He show no respect for you. Leave while you are ahead!
Run!! He is breaking you. He is making you question yourself, making you think your not good enough. If you dont run now, your going to be so broken with no self worth.
The only way it can is if both parties aren’t willing to compromise! I’m married to a Guatemalan man so I can contest to this
Culture or not, you should never feel like your relationship is being downplayed. I understand how important some people culture, religion, etc may be to them or maybe mostly to their family. To some it’s the most important part of them or they have been raised/forced to believe that. But, if by now, that’s all your made out to be to his family by him and he isn’t standing up to express how serious you all are no matter their opinion, I don’t believe he will. At least not anytime in the near future. You said in your post , “I’m JUST a Canadian.” I know you didn’t use all caps but think about it. Before him, Were you proud of YOUR heritage and where YOU are from? The fact that he won’t stand up to his family and be honest and give them the chance to accept and support the relationship(eventually) says to me, that he doesn’t feel the way he says or the way you do. You should NEVER be ashamed of who YOU are. I may be wrong. He may be scared. We don’t know. BUT if you’ve already allowed him to disrespect you, your home, and your relationship, etc for the last 3 years, he probably doesn’t have any intention of changing his behavior because he believes he can continue the behavior. Also, don’t blame yourself for the way HE CHOOSES to treat you. Not everyone grows and gets to where they eventually want on the same time schedule and in the same way. What’s successful to one person, may not be to the next. My boyfriend is 36 and I’m 31. We’re both bartenders. I live in a beautiful 3 bedroom apartment, but it’s not a house. I’ve given up management and higher, more respected, positions for the one I have now. I’m not rich by any means. But my boyfriend and I make more than enough to support our household, our family, to treat ourselves to needs and wants almost whenever, we get to go do fun things and we ARE HAPPY. By somes standards, we’re not successful because we don’t have the stability of a “normal” 9-5 job paying weekly/salary. But guess what? We are HAPPY. You need someone who is proud to announce how they feel and supports you in a non toxic way. Not put you down and make you feel unworthy of them or their family.
If the way he was raised n he’s religion n race is so important Why is he hanging around you for?? Let Him Go. Run. NO MAN IS WORTHY OF YOU LOSING YOUR SELF
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum.
Get. The Hell. Out. Never make yourself believe that you are “less than” or “not good enough” for anyone. And don’t think that you “trying harder” will make any difference, either. It won’t.
Regardless of his culture you should be treated with respect. He is emotionally abusing you and doesn’t matter where you are from that is not acceptable. You are worth love and respect
Different background and cultures is one thing, but stereotypes or gaslighting or downgrading has nothing to do with those differences; so be careful of what you are normalizing and attributing to be a cultural difference because he isn’t from your same upbringing. I can tell you personally that time doesn’t make a relationship change without any effort from both parties; but you can end up feeling resentful that you let time pass…No one is perfect; but a relationship takes sacrifices that if at this point you don’t have trust in his commitment, I am not sure you reinventing yourself is going to make that happen.
Ultimately you can be the only one to determine if you are ready to walk away; however, I suggest that some time apart to give you space to assess what you see you’ll be able to give the relationship long term with him might at least help you. Best of luck ! and remember love is always kind!
Doesn’t matter what cultural or color you are. You both should be treating each other with love and compassion. (My brother is white from USA and my loving sister in law is black from Africa) they have always respected each other and because of her being from a different culture she opened our eyes to hers. Everything from food, rituals and so much more. EVERYONE in my family loved and accepted her immediately they have been married 10yrs and they gave me the most beautiful niece and nephew:heart: so if your relationship is not like this then get out!!! Run NOW! It will only get worse!
Been there and done that. He sounds like a narcissist and you will never be able to make him happy. You think you can do it his way and try harder. It doesn’t matter. There will always be something you did wrong. If you share intimate thoughts or try to open up to him he will eventually use them against you. You just need to realize it doesn’t matter what you do and quit wasting your time. Sorry to be so blunt but like I said I’ve been there and done that and there is no sugar coating what it is.
Don’t stay with him!
He’s expecting you to be his house wife just like hi mother probably is too, times are different now and women don’t work in the kitchen anymore we can actually get out and do what we want which he obviously sounds like he doesn’t like.
Don’t sit through his narcissistic manipulation you are better then that and you deserve better then to allow anyone to treat you like that, if he’s not willing to change for you it could get violent and his family probably wouldn’t even care if he hurt you
I’m sorry I stopped reading when you said you were ashamed of yourself. No. No. No. Just no. Never be ashamed of who you are. If u can see his ways and understand his bringing up he should be able to understand yours. Don’t bend over backwards for someone who makes you feel like that. You are perfect the way you are. Even your flaws are perfect that’s what makes you YOU. seams toxic and you need better for yourself because your a strong beautiful woman. My inbox is open
No no no. You’ll never get the past time back, but you don’t want the rest of your future story to read the same. Don’t waste your years, or tears, on someone who will never be able to truly commit to your future due to his family-pleasing ways. You are worth so.much.more.
Listen to your gut lady, too many red flags !
It’s a toxic relationship. If he treats you that way now, it will be worse if you marry him. It sounds like a “wife” in his eyes is a “possession that has to be controlled “. Do you really want to be disrespected the rest of your life?
You havnt stated what country you are in Albania or Canada . If in Canada he’s using you for his convenience likestaying at your place whenever it’s convenient until your so called arguements start racial overtones and the likes.If you’re looking for advice get out.If you are in Albania probably they treat their woman like that and of course you are of different race doesn’t help your cause .He thinks he’s superior well he’s not . Get a plane ticket home its an unhealthy relationship.If you don’t want to heed any of the advices that have been given to you then you deserve to be with him and take all the crap that’s been thrown at you. Also arguements can lead to physical violence you want to wait around for that to happen then good luck to you.
Begin with learning how to be compassionate and love yourself. You come first, before anyone. Its you
You already know your answer,he is a red flag…
Yes culture and tradition play a big part. But respect always come first
Don’t let him be dismissive or talk you down
Get out of this relationship and learn how live again,be yourself
You deserve better
Just because he is of a different culture doesn’t give him a right to look down on you and treat you like a human carpet. I’d leave because you can’t change someone and you deserve to be treated with love and respect.
You should be ashamed for him not you…coward abusive and no he doesn’t love you a man who loves a woman treats her like a queen not his slave!!!get out now and let the loser find someone of his own culture who he believes he can treat that way!!! Welcome to Canada where women speak for themselves and expect a man to share a life with them not give them a life they think they deserve!!!
Listen we can give you all the advice you want but at the end of the day it’s up to you to know when you had enough and leave that situation. His up bringing definitely has a lot to do with how he’s treating you but if the man really loves you he will respect you. But from the looks of it he doesn’t. Never lower yourself for a man, and never let a man make you feel like you ain’t good enough! Leave and learn to love yourself again
Sounds like he has very rigid gender roles and you are good with gender roles being redefined according to situation (ie dad could stay home with kids if mom gets a very good paying job) …maybe discuss this and see where you both sit …if neither will change its time to move on …values and beliefs about gender roles will ruin a marraige if the couple is not on the same page …if someone calls you crazy, reply with “yah crazy like a fox” …that is a gaslighting tactic …if his family wont accept you, you are probably being his free maid, free sex and free cook …tell him to sleep at his house most of the time and you will go there n eat what he cooks
Girlfriend, I didn’t even finish reading this! MOVE ON!!! He definitely needs a woman of his culture you sound like an abused wife making excuses for him. Find a man that puts you on a pedestal not the back burner!!!
Get out of that relationship doesn’t sound healthy or safe
Cultural issues seem to be the least of issues in what you’ve mentioned in your post - if he makes you feel like that it doesn’t seem healthy regardless of cultural differences etc. anyone who makes you feel not enough or that down i would seriously question the relationship…. Have you ever imagined yourself happy without him? Try it…
If he wants “a very good and successful life” that’s something he works for, not something you give him. Don’t give him the power to belittle you and disrespect you. If you want to be with him for real you need to stand your ground and give him an ultimatum. Refuse to continue the relationship until he’s made up his mind on whether he wants to marry you or not. Until he gives you an answer just do you
If you feel like you are being emotionally abused that is because you are. Cut your losses and move on. Love yourself and who you are and you will find someone who loves you as who you are.
Don’t ever let anyone make you feel crazy! Listen to your gut. You have that feeling for a reason
If they let it… god brought them together for a reason…
Don’t waste your time with him move on
You are trauma bonded. He is abusive, regardless of his culture. Educate yourself & end it. See all the red flags?! You can love someone & not be with them. Run girl!
Cut your losses and move on. He will not change his point of view.
Get out now. Hes using you.
So you already know girl, leave and get him out your life
Go and quickly! Narcissist and things are going to be worse…
If you feeling all these types of ways im gonna say go seperate ways. A man no matter what should never make you feel this way. You deserve better
I would honestly walk away. Seems you might be wasting your time based off just his family not accepting you.
So. Many. Red. Flags…and you already know the answer…and just need conformation. Consider it done❤ now run like hell!!
Can’t trust the white devil…we need a finale solution.
He’s using you. He won’t marry you if his parents have an issue with you being white. He will marry in his race
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Love yourself more. Let go💜
Watch “The Big Sick”.
You deserve so much better than this, walk away.
Sounds to me like you are in an abusive relationship, regardless of cultural differences. You should end this while you can. In no case should you give up your own residence and move in with him. You would be trapped
You deserve to be loved as you are. You are enough as you are.
Please reread what you wrote… you are worthy of unconditional love and growth with a partner. Not to be dismantled.
You can do this! And remember ending a relationship can really hurt for a bit, buuuut when we close one door that allows space for another to open and who know who will be on the other side
I genuinely hate the double standards of the world we live in did you see what you wrote his family wouldn’t accept you as his wife as a white woman and we all just accept that😡
Also he’s Albanian and I’m just Canadian this is awful be proud of your heritage as he is of his tell him your family want you to marry a nice white boy imagine how racist you’d sound why is racism aloud to be a one way street
WOW!!! This man is breaking you. Get out of this relationship. Run as fast as you can and really don’t look back. None of this abuse is your fault.
Honestly it sounds like he settled for you but really wants a woman of his culture. No fault of yours! It’s all on him for being so self centered and his family needs to stop being so ignorant as well! You definitely deserve better!!!
I can’t believe you really need to ask!
He is disrespecting you. This is not healthy for you or him. Are you considering children together eventually ?? Downplaying the relationship for his family is a cover and helps him . Men have opinions about women but we have to find a spouse that aligns their beliefs with ours. Religion and work ethic are two big factors that must be agreed on in a relationship. Especially a religion that is as stringent as your fella. Men treat us the way we allow them to treat us. Please don’t allow him to jeopardize your self worth.
Believe in yourself and have the courage to start again. Being by yourself is not the worst way to live life!!! Being manipulated is humiliating. Run far and fast.
He sounds like he uses you, because he does not respect you at all time, people can be raise in a different race and treat you with respect and honor, unless he change, life’s is short and precious don’t way it’s own someone who’s don’t expect you as the person you are, God’s said we are wonderful make. Psalms 139
My husband is also albanian! If you want to message me you can!
Albanians are white so I’m not sure why the color of your skin would matter…
Maybe he wants a green card and no one deserves to be disrespected dump this guy a lot of red flags. I am American my ex from Pakistan we were married 38 yrs I walked out got divorced coz he abused me. Life is too short to be miserable I learned. I am not happy married for 6 yrs now you live and learn play smart.
Typo I am very happy now
Go now… don’t waste any more time
This is why I stayed in my lane with an American born & bred…(though our neighbors across the pond are great and our northern neighbors (Canadians) are just as fine! But I could not, would not, be with anyone who wasn’t fine with the color of my skin & vice versa. Girl you best end it, as much as you love him there are sooooo many red flags in this post. They will never except you. Move on doll. I’m sorry
Next time he disrespects you slap the dog shit out of him. He needs to know what “white” won’t tolerate and walk out the door and find someone who treasures you for YOU!
You want to give him a good & successful life? Give yourself & good & successful life.
If you’re feeling ashamed about how he speaks to you, then there’s your sign! Get out !
my aunt is like 55 and her husband is 29. she’s white. he’s egyptian muslim. they met online. she would fly back m forth from texas to egypt. stay w him few months etc. they ended up getting married the first month she flew to meet him. a few years later he moved here and they’re still going strong. his family didn’t accept her at first. and he didn’t wanna move here but long story short he did. they e been married few years now and going strong!!! he treats her so good. so don’t give up hope if y’all love each other!!
Yes they can but the partners need to be respectful. Being misogynistic and disrespectful and abusive is the reason you should leave, not his culture.
Girl , run please run, don’t walk , run.
He’s a rude asshole who literally is Using You For His Needs. End It Now! He Will Never Commit To You If that’s how he Acts about you with his family! The way he talks…it’s fucked up and Disrespectful. No it is Not Your Fault, You are doing Enough. The mere fact that he Thinks it’s okay to verbally abuse you and belittle you, it’s Disgusting and a Disgrace of his blood line. It Is Never Okay for a Man/Woman to Bring You Down because of Their Culture or Thought Process. Kick His Ass Out! If He Truly Loved You, He Would Have PROUDLY Introduced You to His Family & Proposed & He would Mature the Fuck Up.
I’ve been in your position Over & Over…guess what, they all thought they were in the Right Until They Lost Me for good. Until I Said “Fuck You, Your Life is Not my Problem Anymore”…that’s when them dickheads tried to straighten up.
Let this disrespectful Schmuck go.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them. It doesn’t matter why he treats you badly or how he was brought up. You are disrespected and devalued by him. Please love yourself enough to end the relationship. He makes you feel less than. This is unacceptable.
GET OUT NOW PLEASE.
Please get therapy to help you understand why you have allowed yourself to be treated this.
Why you allowed yourself to do this for years.
He isn’t the one for you.
Clearly you are NOT the one for him.
YOU DESERVE WHAT YOU WANT.
YOU DESERVE A HAPPY LIFE.
YOU DESERVE THIS. OK.
Are you hearing me ?
I’m not being mean.
I care about you.
Many here do.
You know this needs to end. ASAP
You came here and told your story to ask for help.
Please honey END THIS NOW.
It will hurt.
You will cry.
You will want to go back.
He will try to get you back.
NOT as a well loved, well treated wife.
As something he can abuse.
PLEASE DONT do this anymore.
I have told many a younger female friend…YOU WILL NEVER EVER MEET THE RIGHT MAN…
WHILE YOU CLING TO THE WRONG ONE.
YOU MUST ALLOW A SPACE TO BE OPEN FOR THE GOOD MAN TO STEP INTO.
Get out. You are being used and abused. Get into therapy, focus on you and healing.
Girl are you crazy all I read is what you can give him and abuse verbal or otherwise is not ok I take it he’s a grown man and won’t acknowledge your relationship to his parents big red flag if he loved you like you say he does wouldn’t be hiding anything but be proud of you and your relationship
If u have to question who you are and ur value as a person then this relationship is wrong like u said don’t be with someone who down the line who could drop u if 3 years together and u questioning it its not for u