I need some advice. My ex-husbands family is slandering me in front of their children, and according to one of my daughters, will not allow them to speak of me when they are with him—some backstory. We adopted twins when they were 5. My ex and I split last year and since then have had 50/50 custody. Here recently, one of my daughters (8 years old) has decided that she will not come back to my house after being with her dad and his family. I believe this is due to the slander that is occurring. What, if anything can I do? We do not have a legal custody order in place at this point, so that is my next step. Thank you for any advice you can give!!
Your next step is the internet? Really? Get a damn lawyer… THAT is your next step…
You need to get legal custody asap…and I would talk to a lawyer too, she is way too young for that decision
PARENTAL ALIENATION. document EVERYTHING. Get a lawyer!!!
You really need to.seek legal advice get a lawyer asap
You don’t have a legal custody in place so therefore your ex can and is allowed to keep the child and go anywhere he so chooses , you screwed yourself not having a court order beforehand , and she’s 8 and old enough to choose whom she wishes to stay with ,maybe it’s because of you honestly ,only getting your side in this story and possession is 9/10 of law !!!
Get those girls into therapy ASAP. Document everything. Get a lawyer.
He’s harming his kids by playing those mind games. That’s not OK. Get legal advice fast!
You can’t change any of what they do, not who he has you guys children around or what is said or done around them. Unfortunately it’s a long hard road you are on but it’s really important that you try to worry less about what they are saying about you because that’s out of your control Unfortunately, so you need to focus on what is in your control. Protect your children.
File for legal guardian or primary legal parent, your 8 year old isn’t old enough to decide where she wants to stay, but wherever she is thriving is where she needs to be. Divorce wrecks children. And although you will feel she needs to be with you, you have to honestly ask yourself is she safe, is she neglected, is your x abusive to her was he abusive to you in front of your children. It sounds like he is being emotionally abusive to you to control you. His family could have said to your daughter we don’t talk about your mom cause she’s not here or something like that. Little kids can get confused easily from stress in this situation. You need to get a lawyer to go to family court and set up custody, visitation, child support and so you have a legal leg to stand on. I’ve been through it and it is hard but you be strong for your children and you will get through this. Best advice i can give you is to keep your cool and if your x tries to instigate anything with you Don’t engage, just focus on your kids and take care of yourself.
If the court hasnt decided the custody yet, you shouldn’t allow him to take the kids. He could easily take them and disappear. Get a lawyer.
So sad to hear. My parents split when I was 3 but my mother was the one who constantly slandered my Dad and his family. I remember all the twisted things she did to make sure my sister and I couldn’t ever see him or the whole half of our family. Sad when grown adults use their kids as a pawns to be vindictive, cause the kids are the ones that are affected by it. From what I remember my mother doing, document everything, including dates, and apparantly yes a child psychologist helps and they will document what the children have to say, which will be used in court. Sadly in my case, my mother coached us on all the bad things to say about my father before visiting the psychologist, which I understand now was very wrong and evil to do, but at the time was too young to understand. Just remember through it all what the children may be feeling or going through, they love you both and want to be with each of you, but the situation of parents seperating is hard to process for children sometimes. Be as understanding as possible, but yes since your ex is being vindictive, legal help is necessary immediately.
Yes, legal custody is best. File for full custody and child support. You will make all the decisions when it comes to the kids and he can have visitation rights every other weekend
Get a custody, placement/ visitation order made threw the courts. Be sure to make use of a GAL for the children’s best interest.
Yep! I’ve dealt with this first hand before. You absolutely MUST get to your local superior court house and get going on a custody order/parenting plan! I would recommend getting a declaration page and stating what you just said on here about slander and the issue with one of the daughters not wanting to come back home. The only way a judge is going to know thats going on is it you write it down. Good luck!
Depends on state most states don’t allow a child to decide until they’re in their teens
Yeah you can set some healthy boundaries with your kids and then let it alllll go. They’ll come around when they’re ready. Keep communication open, shower them in love and light. But let the negative melt off of you.
This is similar to a situation I heard. Only difference is her kids were willingly extorting their mom.
Get the custody order but do NOT tell him!! Document everything!
It needs to start with a sit down discussion with you ex and his family, no matter how uncomfortable that may be. Set healthy boundaries. If this doesnt end and you feel the need to take legal action, do that.
People talk, you can’t control that, but they need to learn to have respect so your kids can be raised in the healthiest environment possible. But just don’t run and take the girls away from him without trying to figure things out like adults first. That’s so unfair to do to a child and their other parent.
Your next step is family court and to apply for a 50/50 custody if you apply for full custody you probably won’t get it. Go in there being the reasonable one.
Alienation is a real thing and you should talk to a lawyer and get a stop put to it, sounds like these kiddos have already been through enough trauma and could use some play therapy. Make sure you don’t react negatively when they say something about their dad or his family. Are they old enough for a journal, maybe get them some stickers that show emotions so they can use them to tell a story, but make sure that it stays private and you don’t read it, kids don’t understand their feelings like adults do because they don’t have the life experience that adults do so these feelings can be really confusing
Get that legal custody in place ASAP. Problem with not having a custody order in place is either parent can prevent other parent from seeing child until a judge orders it. Also sadly hardest thing about the slandering it will be hard to stop it from happening but if it’s just the family you could ask in the custody order that he does not bring the children around them
Go to court explain about the slander I’m sure that goes against them as it’s classed as a form of emotional abuse to the children and manipulation
Truth always comes out. They don’t stay children forever. Just be their mom❣️
U could try for emergency temp custody do to the slander being a mental abuse situation.
Legal custody order is your only option here. If the other family is slandering you now it will only get worse and you need a court order to protect your interest and the children’s best interest.
Once she back you need to get custody because the law right now will say that who ever has the child at the time has custody I know I went through it with my ex I had to go and get him back he took him out of state and the law would do nothing.
Plan a girl trip with your daughter and try to see her reasoning behind living with the dad. Maybe just some one on one and doing something fun she may open up
You need that legal custody, hun. I would get your kid(s) back and then file…but I believe(in many states) they can keep her until you do so
Its attachment based “parental alienation” - its child abuse that is in the DSM under code V995-51 “Child psychological abuse confirmed” your daughter is exhibiting symptoms of this child abuse
Keep your piece and just love your daughter. Don’t say anything negative about the other family members. She will know the truth later it takes time. Just keep everything positive with her and always tell her how much you love her. And never question her about the other side of the family.
Ride it out, once she gets older she will see & understand for herself
Once you file for legal custody you can even ask that it be added in the stipulation that you wish no third party and the parent to speak ill of you. I have this in my parent agreement. No one can talk bad about my daughters dad and no one can talk bad about me.
If you have insurance I would suggest a therapist for your children. This will put you in a good position if you come into a court situation. It will also help your child with negative thoughts about being with you. Drag your ex into that therapy as well, he’s the one who’s allowing this slander to go on. Never give up on your kids
How about focus on that child. You will never be able to change the adults…
Take time and spend it on fun things with your children. Make them feel loved and reassured. Give them nothing to worry about. They will grow up and see what their fathers family did to them.
Just remember they are his kids too! If she was refusing to go to her dads while in your care would you allow her to choose? Maybe she has a stronger relationship with her dad and feels more comfortable around him then she does you. Regardless of what’s being said your ex and his family are still a huge part of your daughters life. Be fair
talk to a family lawyer and see if there are parent alienation laws in place for where you live. These girls sound like they have been through enough w/o losing another parent.
Or as soon as u can get her back to ur house dont let them go back. He cant come take them.
If tipi have a custody agreement it says in there that the other party cannot talk bad about the other parent in front of the children. Call your attorney
Seek legal counsel - family law. This happens in many nasty divorces.
Lawyer up and get that custody agreement in place ASAP!!
Get a lawyer! Or go talk to the women’s resource center in your area
You could file for parental alienation.
Exactly what Rebecca said, and report them to Social Services, ask to have a guardian ad litem appointed…
Having gone thru this and still going thru this… Yes you need an attorney. File for custody, take notes, screenshots, make calendars everything you can to back it up because an 8 year old saying it is just hearsay (I just went thru that a few months ago).
I agree with whoever saying maybe your ex is the fun parent… That does play a part in it because I’ve been doing all the school work and necessary crap the entire time, then he has absolutely no responsibilities. The last year my son only wants to watch tv and be lazy because that’s what he does at his dad’s and dad has taught him that’s cool and the way to live life. Homework is horrible because dad said he doesn’t have to…etc. So think about that when you are going thru the process because you don’t and shouldn’t have to bear all the responsibility while the other parent doesn’t do anything. Check for grades and homework being done while at the other parents too because the judge will take that seriously if it’s not done.
That’s parental alienation which is a huge issue. Not much you can do with out an order though. Keep track of everything, write down all conversations with dates and take it all to court.
That is so called parental alienation syndrome! Yes you need a lawyer and mediation or court.
I would suggest reaching out to A Childrens Advocate in the state. That way they can talk to each of you. The last thing that they would want to do is separate any child from a loving parent. Research them in your state and reach out to them and tell them about your childs circumstances. They will be able to help you in court according to thier findings on the case. You should contact them ASAP. Try to keep in contact with her by phone calls, text messages and keep a log of everything. It will also help you in court. Record and date any and all conversations referring to visitation and keep record of any and all text messages you receive about visitation as well. Best of luck to you and your daughter.
Record, record, record. Screenshot texts. Do most of your talking in texts and save it for court. Get a calendar and make notes about these events.
If your child doesn’t want to be with you that is so hard! Just try to talk to her and figure out why she doesn’t want to be with you. Itvcould also be your x is the fun parent. If so, you’ll need to do some soul searching on how to address this delicate situation with your daughter.
Sounds like mental abuse. You need to get to court and get an custody order in. I would also suggest you ask for supervised visitation for the father for now. If they won’t go with supervised visitation, maybe request that the father isn’t allowed to have the kids around the individuals who are causing this mental abuse.
I wish you the best. Until dads house gets on board with “we all love you and all want to spend time with you” you will have an uphill battle. Please bring this up during your parenting plan mediation. The best interest of the children are to have solid relationships with their parents.
Get a legal custody order. That should have been done right away. Almost all states have clauses in the custody agreements that the families will not speak poorly about the other parent in the presence of the child, although this doesn’t necessarily stop it from happening. It does give you legal recourse if you have physical proof that it is happening though. Otherwise, ignore them and do your best to set a good example for your children. They will make their own decisions about their opinions on their parents based off your actions and their fathers actions.
Yep if theyre bad mouthing and saying certain things against you to your child it can be seen as parental alienation. Get a custody agreement in place and work on building your relationship back up with your daughter. But dnt talk bad about their dads side etc back as its likely to push her away.
Do not ask nor speak about what is happening at dads place. If they bring it to you all you need to say is “God and I know the truth and that’s what matters the most”. Tell them it doesn’t hurt your feelings so they shouldn’t let it hurt them or bother them definitely get a court order in place. Let your daughters know no matter what you’ll always be there for them let them know you will always care about their father because he is their father.
Who cares what they say, my mom al and said if they talk about you, at least they have a good subject. What they think does not matter
I have a legal custody agreement and I still deal with this. My ex husband’s side still says inappropriate things in front of or to my children. I just try to correct what they heard, or tell them if it is true or not, and have them inform me when it happens and what was said. Sometimes they do, sometimes not. I just keep saying that I love them and that I do anything that I can to answer anything that they hear.
Definitely get a lawyer and custody order done soon as possible and get it added in no trash talking about you. Get the kids in counseling also
Don’t stoop to their level, whatever happens just know they will find out the truth as they get older.
Wow so sorry for that…really try to have a talk with your ex-or an family member. Try not to be explosive…just talk about the issues involving your kids.
Please get a legal custody order in place. The Order would have a provision about not disparaging each other in front of or to the children. The party that does could be taken to court for not following the order. Having a custody order will resolve a lot of issues that could come up in the future. I use to work in family law for over 20 years. This is what I did.
Get a legal custody order
If you don’t have court ordered visitation between the two of you then get the kids and tell him that until he and his family can keep your name out of their mouths none of them will see them. Simple! Don’t be letting your kids hear that. Or, make an appearance yourself while the girls are there with said family and let it be known then!
Go to court for custody