what did I just readā¦ Wow. You got into a relationship with someone who has young kids but donāt want the kids involved in your life. YUCK. Walk away. You donāt deserve him or his kids.
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I recommend Nacho Kids: The Blended Family Lifesaver you do not have to parent kids that arenāt yoursā¦
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Are they moving in or they will continue staying with their mom & visit every now & than.
Why did you even get with this man knowing he had kids? Sounds like he needs to drop you real fast. I say my kids comes before any woman or man.
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So I can relate to this 
Iām 41 and my fiancĆ© is 32.
My kids are 22 and 20 and Iām a grandma. His daughter is 11.
When we started talking he knew and I knew our age difference and our kids as well. Itās literally a packaged deal when you love someone 
I really thought the same at first but now Iām raising kids a second time and Iām ok.
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They are youngā¦ god forbid something happens to mom and dad has to take them full time ?? If you donāt wanna raise kids donāt date men with them periodt
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Heās a package dealā¦
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Ummm find a man with no kids ! Giving very much āevil stepmotherā vibes . Those kids are and should always be first in your manās life .
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Please donāt date anyone with young kids. Granted I aint got kids, butā¦ Still. Youāll end up resenting them kids just because theyāre kids and thatās terrible.
Agreed that him and his children are a package deal!!! you do sound like a dick, sorry. I was just in the same situation but the other way around. He knew I had a daughter and choose to continue dating me and then all the sudden didnāt want that responsibility bc his own kids were grown. My daughter loves him like a father and he choose not to be a part of our lives anymore. When I saw him creating distance w her I tried to still hang out with him, but it wasnāt the same. I felt like my child was a burden and that broke my heart. Not fair for you to make him choose either bc Iām sure he will be feeling that way if you donāt want his kids as your own. Not trying to be mean but thatās not fair of you, it sad actually
Wow. I hope he leaves you.
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Look for someone who is done raising kids as well or someone with older kids 
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How would you feel if it was the other way around? Iām sure you would be hurt if heād tell you he didnāt want to step up to the roll. You shouldnāt have gotten with him at all. He deserves way better and I hope he drops you so he can find the woman that will accept him and his kids because theyāre a package deal.
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When you date someone with kids be willing to take on the step parent role or not at all l. A person with kids are a package deal.
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Why choose to date a man with three young kids if your not wanting anything to do with his kids, you knew he had kids before starting to date him they are part of the package so either step up and accept his kids and help raise them when they are with dad or do him and his kids a favour and walk away
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You sound toxic and this man needs to find someone that will love his kids like their own. If I was him, Iād run.
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No do not date someone with kids if you donāt want any. They come as a whole package. What if he becomes a full time dad ? What you gonna do then ?
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God people are so hateful on here towards you. Your fears and feelings are valid. I somewhat get where you are coming fromā¦ my kids were 12,10 and 8 when I got engaged and my fiancĆ© wanted another baby. I was 100% done and was looking forward to āfreedomā. I had to really think about it as this was a deal breaker for him (we had already talked about it prior to getting engaged). I ended up doing it as I wanted to give him the experience and Iām so happy we did as I am in love with my little baby boy. All that to sayā¦ I know how hard it is to be so close to being done and then looking at the beginning all over again. Itās daunting, scary, and probably in the beginning you didnāt think you guys would come to this point so it wasnāt something you had to seriously consider. My opinionā¦ if you plan on marrying him, youāll have to somewhat take on that role. You can NACHO, but you will always be a part of the kidsā lives and will have to support them/your spouse since you WILL be a family. Itās a hard decision and I am sorry you are going through this.
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Put it this way. What if u were the one with young kids and he had older kids and what if he felt this way??
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If you donāt want the āstep momā role, then you shouldnāt want the āgirlfriendā role. Should have never started a relationship with him. Do him and those kids a favor and exit stage left.
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Nope, youāre a jerk.
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So I get it I really do however when you made the choice of getting in a relationship with this man I assume he didnāt just randomly one day spring the kids on you, Iām sorry but if you want to maintain the relationship it comes with those responsibilities if you donāt want them the relationship is one doomed to fail because something that is a set part of his life that you want to be a part of, you donāt want to deal with, basically saying I love you but only if you ditch your kids, that isnāt fair to him and itās honestly pretty shallow of you. I would either break it off. Mainly because you already donāt want to do it you arenāt likely to just magically change your mind, you are going to feel either forced or obligated so the emotions wonāt be genuine to the kids or this manā¦ and that isnāt fair to them. You could stay but youād literally have to just be the awesome stepmother and really want to be, because if you donāt humans have Paleolithic emotions eventually it will come out as resentment towards them one way or another. Iād like to tell you, you could make it work but if you canāt accept this fact and really take in those kids as your own and gain those unconditional feelings then itās basically cruel.
Sorry, too late you just made yourself the biggest jerk in the world.
You canāt truly live him and not be in love with his kids. Move on before he or his kids get hurt worse. Find someone that doesnāt have kids or are grown. You are one of those parents I never understood, you raise your kid til 18 and you think youāre done! Good grief and heaven forbid you ever have grandkids.
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I think you should step aside and make room for a woman who does want that role. Nothing wrong with not wanting to start over. But it is an issue when youāre in a relationship with somebody who has 3 young kids.
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If you want to be with a guy you should accept his family. So if you donāt want to be a part his children you need yo move on.
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I understand where you are coming from, but you should not of gotten involved with a man with young children, you need to leave him as he is only going to become resentful towards you for not accepting his children, this sort of relationship will not go anywhere
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I will first start off by NOT bashing you. I totally understand this feeling and I personally would never date someone with 3 young children (I have 1 of my own and Iām very content keeping it so). I think that if you are unwilling to put effort into loving his children as your own, then you shouldnāt be with him. 
Itās important to remain honest with yourself and respectful to your partner by coming forward about it. Even if you DID find a way to not be step-mom, it would be disrespectful to your partner and definitely hurt his childrenās feelings.
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Of course you can be nice about it and just state that these rules are for everyone who comes into your home so that we can all have a happy home to be in
Nope, they come as a package, if you didnt want to raise kids then you should of said no to dating the guy with 3 kids
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Stop wasting both yaālls time and go find a single man with no kids and no plans to have kids.
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Ive been in this situation. I chose to breakup. The kids need grown ups that want to be around them. Im 43 and i felt the same way you arent obligated to raise the kids. Let this man go so maybe he can find someone that does want too
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Why does someone have to be a step parent instead of just the parents partner? If youāre a good partner youāll help where needed but if you donāt want to be a step parent/parent role model then donāt. Fuck that noise, just be a girlfriend to dad and a friend to the kids. If he is looking for a step mum/ a person to help raise his kids then you guys are on two different levels and it wonāt work but youāre not a jerk.
Nope, too late youāre a jerk for that one. If you want to be with a guy who has kids you should love the family not just him. I mean how would you feel if it was you in that situation wouldnāt you think that would be kind of a douchey move if someone done this to you. Move to the side and let a woman love and care for him AND HIS KIDS the way they deserve to be loved and cared for because it obviously isnāt you.
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Should of thought about that before getting involvedā¦canāt have ya cake and eat it tooā¦
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Sounds like you shouldnāt be in a relationship. If you really loved him, youād love his kids as well.
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Wow just wowā¦ I hope he leaves you. Donāt want the step mam role you donāt get the girlfriend roll they come as package. Be honest with him not fair on him or kids
They are a package deal if you cannot and wonāt step up as a step mother you should just end the relationship completely
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No. If you wanna be with someone who has kids, you have to be involved with the kids too. Itās a package deal. Sorry
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You take the man you take the kids or Nothing at All
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Nope. His kids are part of a package. If you canāt handle it you need to leave.
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Have a think about if it was your kids and he said that to you ā¦ā¦ you know the answer go be free
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OHā¦ NOā¦, NOā¦, NOā¦!!!
SORRYā¦ NOTā¦ SORRYā¦
The KIDāS COME WITH the MAN. IF YOU LOVE him SET HIM FREE AND DONT LET HIS BABIES GET ATTACHED TO YOU!
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I donāt think you wrong. You donāt have to be a step parent or step up. However you definitely should break up and move on. Imagine how heād feel! You date him you get them! Them are his babies, he deserves someone who, Will be there for all of them!
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You have every right to not want to raise more kidsā¦ā¦.but to do that, you have to date someone who doesnāt have kids.
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Iām sorry but when you got with him you knew he came as a package.
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Just leave now. The kids wonāt like you with your attitude towards them 
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Exact reason why Iāve stayed single since my divorce, so I can go travel the world, finally 
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Iām nearly done raising mine. Best believe I would never date a 
with any kids under age 18. Thatās your mistake.
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You canāt have your cake and eat it too in this type of situationā¦I get not wanting to start over for some folksā¦but if thatās how you genuinely feel then you need to move on and let him find someone who will be a loving and active step mom for his childrenā¦I think you wanting to remain distant with his children and not engaging in that role while being in a long term relationship or marriage with him would be really hurtful and emotionally damaging to his childrenā¦thatās fair to no one in that situation and certainly not in the best interest of the kidsā¦sorry but thereās more than your own feelings to be considered hereā¦if you are set on your rejection of that sort of role move on and donāt get involved with a man with young childrenā¦period
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Yeah, no. Itās a package deal
Leave that man alone 
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Look up the nacho method.
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You should probably find someone that doesnāt have young kids. If you really wanted to be with him, you would love his kids like your own.
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Leave him alone, they are a package deal. If you canāt accept them all, move on. Imagine if this was a man saying this about your kids when they were young. Thereād be an uproar 
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What is it with these types of women and men. If you donāt want to be a step parent, THEN DONāT GET INVOLVED WITH PEOPLE WHO HAVE KIDS!! Set him free so he can find someone who will love his kids too.
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No if you get with someone you take on kids too. Iād be ending it now, that isnāt a attitude to be round kids. Find someone in same boat as you with older kids.
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Dont want his kidsā¦Ć½ou donāt get the man. They are a package deal
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When you get with a person who has kids you except those children like they are your own, if you didnāt want the responsibility you should have never got with him in the first place. You can not make a relationship work if your not willing to except his kids, his kids should always come first.
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You definitely didnāt think about this long enough if youāre having doubts now. If heās a real man heāll choose his kids over you !!
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If you love that man you love them kids! Itās a package. Stop being selfish and leave if this isnāt what youāre looking for.
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Sorry lady but, and I am trying to say this kindly, but if you are not up to being the step up and step in parent, then you need to find someone without kids. Think of it this way: when YOUR kids were HIS kids ages, would YOU have put up with that line of thinking where what would have ended up happening regardless if it was intended or not, YOU would have ended up having to choose between YOUR kids or an S/O or would that S/O have had to of walked if they could not love, support, be there and step up and step in with YOUR kids? Please do not ask a parent to do what you yourself would not have been willing to do in a similar or the same cirucmstances. It is not fair and it is kinda hypocritical to do so. His kids and him are as much of a packaged deal as you and yours were/ are, like it or not. So your two options are to get over it and step up and step in, love those kids like your own and help out with them or to do you all a favor and break up with him and he finds someone who can love his kids the way that you as a parent KNOW damned well they DESERVE to be cared about by a stepparent as a parent yourself and YOU can find someone who is willing and able to love on and spoil you and only you since they do not have children of their own to compete with. Just be warned: what you are expecting of this guy, someone without kids might just try to expect of you. Your kids may be grown and they may be adults with the raising part out of the way, but do not think for one moment that you are absolved of being their mother: Motherhood is a lifelong job, honey. You will never stop loving them, caring for them, guiding them and in a pinch helping and being there for them unless you are that selfish of a person that even your own kids do not fully matter to you anymore. You did not sign a until 18 contract when you had them and kept them. You signed a until death do us part contract with them and this one, you cannot divorce from at this point. That is not how parenthood works. Do not ask of a single parent what you yourself would not be willing to do if asked to do so in regards to your own kids. Period. Either set him free and find someone who does not have that and hope they do not do that to YOU and YOUR kids or learn to love his as though they are yours and be there for them, even if up front they seem like disrespectful little shits.
Imagine if he was saying this about your kids, how would you feel?
You date someone, you take on their kids. Doesnāt have to be a step parent role - but you canāt just completely ignore the fact they have kids. This isnāt okay.
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I donāt see why you canāt be with him without being āstep momā.
Remain his girlfriend, do not live together, and let him have his weekends with his kids, and you do something else on those weekends.
Maybe dinner with them once a week during the summer, but let him keep his parental role separate from his life with you.
(Iām probably going to ripped a new one for saying this).
But, if the kids have a good mother, and heās a good father, they wonāt need an extra parent. You can be like a āfun auntā, but you donāt have to parent them.
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Can I be very serious about my own situation here. I have 2 children on my own and iv been dating, my conditions are your dating me not my childrenā¦ I will spend time with whoever Iām dating when I donāt have my childrenā¦ I donāt expect anyone to take me as a package my kids donāt come into my dating life atall! Maybe if the said person has voiced wanting to be more serious and being around your kids, do you need to think about step parent problems but I just donāt know why kids have to be involved in dating lifeās of parents.
Iām not out looking for a step dad for my children Iām looking for my dating life when I donāt have them.
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If you love him, then you should love those kids that come with him, he is not a single non parent, he has kids, you get with him you take on the kids! If you donāt want to patent the kids then donāt be with the guy, itās not fair on those kids! The children arr part of him you love him fully and accept him and the kids pr you walk away. If you donāt things could go sour and turn toxic if those kids realise how you feel. Do the right thing and let him go if you cant/donāt want to be parent
Yeah maybe like just a girlfriend nothing more maybe if you guys donāt live together but yes I do think you guys could work an agreement out. But first see how he feels about your feelings and let him from the start.
U feel the way u feel. Period. Talk with him n see what u can or can not work out. Weāre u planning 2 travel much? Weāre u planning on him traveling with u? I mean if u plan on traveling a lot Iām sure he has a job that would restrict his participation in such travels.
Nope! Your definitely the biggest jerk in the world!
He is a package deal with kids you canāt have him and not the kids and you canāt make him choose between you and the kids! Itās fine that you donāt want any more kids but then find someone who doesnāt have them! You can feel how you feel bit doesnāt make less of a jerk no matter how you swing it!
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Heās a package not just him on his own, do him a favour an let him go and find someone that you can travel and do all them things you want to do with! But I definitely wouldnāt be letting kids get attached to me for me not to even want to be involved! Youād be doing yourself and him the biggest favour and clearly youād feel alot happier with someone with no kids! X
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Pathetic reallyā¦what are you thinking?? If you are even thinking at all. Leave the man alone to get on with him having constructive input into his childrenās lives.
Go and find yourself a man without kidās!!
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End it now. You have no business being with man with children. Youāre not wrong for not wanting to be a step parent. But youāre wrong if you continue this relationship knowing your own wants. Heās not a temp daddy on his set days. Heās a daddy all the time every day. Birthdays, holidays, Graduations,. Concerts, sports games etc etc he needs to be present. Leave him alone to be a good father to his children
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Dating usually is a precursor to engagement and marriage. So if you donāt want to share the responsibility of his kids, thatās fine, but you wasting everybodyās time. Cause what are you gonna do if/when he proposes or asks you if you want to get a place together? Then the kids are there, no matter what. So you might as well just go now, let him find someone who doesnāt care and you find someone with no young kids. Be an adult since youāre trying so hard to be one now that your kids are grown
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No you can not be with someone with kids and not be that roleā¦ if you donāt want more leave him
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Kids are included in the package.
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Thatās is his kids, if you cant love them they way they deserve what are you doing with Their Dad? Kids are a package deal, not an option.
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If thatās the way you feel find a man that fits what you want. Those children deserve a step mom thatās going to love them as their other mom, not one that sees them as a burden
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Your funny what it roles were reversed how would u feel if a man said that to you ? You would say good bye like he should to you their a package
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Well if yāall were to marry, Iām sure he would expect you to help some with them, so you might have to just move on. Good luck.
Tell him. You need to talk to him and let him know. Kids are a packaged deal, if you donāt want to help raise the kids, then honestly you shouldnāt be with their parent. If you want to be kid-free, then you need to be with someone with no kids or grown kids.
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Nope, its a package deal and if you cant accept the whole package then move on.
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Either step up or step out! Cant have him without his kids.
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No. If you arenāt wanting to be a part of the kids lives then get out of their dads
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No, imagine someone saying that to you when your kids were younger. There is nothing wrong with how you feel about kids now but you shouldnāt be with someone with kids knowing how you feel.
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Have you and your bf sat down and had a conversation about what heās wanting your role in his kidās life to be? Not every situation requires you to be the parent. I think itās perfectly acceptable for you to set boundaries on what your willing to contribute in the relationship especially with the kids. Personally I think you can be their friend and role model without āparentingā but you also need to be willing to help guide them into being good humans. If the two of you live together, or are planning to in the future, you both have to agree what the rules of your home will be and be prepared to help enforce them. I know couples that are in this situation and they arenāt in the stepparent role and they navigate it really well. You just need to be clear and what your willing to contribute and what your not. But you also need to be prepared for him to not agree, can you find common ground? At the end of the day these are his kids and he decided whatās best for them.
I donāt think I made this very clear. You all seem to think I donāt want these kids in my life at all and thatās not what Iām saying. I do love his kids. I just donāt think I should be raising them. They are out of control kids who run the house. The only time they receive punishment or guidance is from me. Iām the one who feeds them and makes sure they get dressed and behave. Iām not their mother and I donāt feel like this is my responsibility. But they are in my home and space and they are wreaking havoc on my sanity. Their bio mother isnāt any better. Thereās no control there either. Sheās the one who pushed for us to have every other week in the summer. She canāt even handle her own kids. I feel like both of them just expect me to either deal with these kids running my home or for me to step up and be the mom. And Iām not mentally prepared for going thru that kind of responsibility again. I will gladly love them and HELP with them but when I want to go somewhere without kids I feel like I should be able to whether we have them or not. If I want to spend a day in my room because they are pushing my buttons too much I should be able to because I didnāt raise these kids to act they want they are and I am exhausted. I do expect to be respected in my own home. I feel like healthy boundaries can be set to make this workā¦thats what Iām asking if Iām a jerk for.
Kids are part of the deal. Just leave him alone and let him be a dad. Find someone without kids.
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Donāt date a guy with kids. DUH. what the fuck. have this conversation with him, I hope he walks away.
You donāt know what to do!?
You donāt get with a man that had kids if you donāt want them. Point blank period.
There is no way to say that without sounding like an ass. Every other weekend is 8 days a month. Suck it up and be the best stepmom ever or just flat out leave. Both the man and children deserve someone who WANTS to be there.
Iād say end the relationship find a man without kids or a similar situation to you
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Maybe you need to find someone without kids or whose kids are grown. Youāre a mother, you should know when you are with someone with kids, itās a package deal. Stop wasting his time and move on.
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Why would you accept a man who has young children just to hurt them later
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There a package deal and youāre very selfish. You should have never got with that man if you werenāt ready to take on kids again. Do him a favor and leave him. Him and his kids deserve someone better than you.
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Kids come with him. If you canāt except them and be a part of their lives then you need to move on. Itās not fair to him or them kids
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I definitely wouldnāt be with someone who didnāt want any part of being there for my kids. You need to be with someone with no kids, or whoās kids are grown. And youāre a year inā¦ what will the kids think?
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I donāt think itās possibleā¦ and it would probably end with a lot of resentment. If you donāt want to be a step-mum, thatās fine - thereās nothing wrong with feeling that way, but how would that make him and his kids feel? How are you going to feel in the situations when he puts his children before you? Are you going to want him to step up and be a father figure for your own children?
Might be better to let him know how you feel and either just keep things casual or find someone in a situation that better suits the lifestyle you want.
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If you donāt want to have little ones donāt bother pretending,
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I bet their mother would appreciate that if nobody elseā¦. I donāt see why it should be an issue. You can have a relationship with the kids without taking on parental role. Hell itāll probably make life a bit easier on all parties. As long as your not expecting him to miss out on raising them or pushing them away
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Id say yes IF you dont live together for the time being. Just dateā¦and go on girlfriend or solo trips on some of the weekends he is with his kidsā¦.
Just wow!! Leave that man alone since you donāt get it. He is a package deal!! Someone else wonāt mind filling the role of bonus mom and those kids donāt deserve a resentful āstep-motherā that only wants the attention of their father and nothing to do with them. Just selfish to even think that is acceptable 
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Imagine someone saying that to you when your babies were younger , 
your mind set is gross , him AND his kids deserve someone who wants them in their life. Itās him and his kids or you leave. you donāt get to have him and not his babies aswel.
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Leave this man. Iām sorry but you donāt deserve him. You knew before yāall started dating he had kids and you knew after yāall started dating he had kids so it wasnāt a surprise. His kids will never come before you regardless of anything. If you truly canāt accept his children and treat them like theyāre your own then u need to walk away from him and his kids.
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