Could he be embarrassed?

I'm coming from overseas and all my family and friends are there.

Being here for 17 year’s I’ve made a few friends but nothing very close. My husband grew up here and had a lot of friends. But since my in laws have passed away ages ago and my husband got sick (liver problem 10 year’ ago and few years ago with tipe 1 diabetes) we haven’t had any family or friends coming over or us going out with his friends.I’ve tried to talk to him about it but he always says oh you know everyone is busy and like don’t worrie about it. He’s a very good father and husband but sometimes I’m getting annoyed because i feel like it’s not normal not to have any friends or to go out and have some fun. Most of all i feel sorry for the kids because they are missing out on having fun
He always says it’s not my fault we don’t have any family, but i get that but he always says he’s having so many friends but we never go out or have any friends coming over. Sometimes i think maybe he’s embarrassed because i have put on weight, but whatever it is i feel so lonley and sad seeing everyone having fun and hanging out with friends and I’m always at home with the kids,as he’s working Friday and Saturday nights at the Bar.

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. https://answers.mamasuncut.com/t/could-he-be-embarrassed/15898

Life changes, friends change, circle gets tighter, smaller. Working at a bar he is obviously occupied with conversations and that’s probably enough.

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So he’s able to have interest’s outside the home but you aren’t? Have I misunderstood? Xx

How old are the kids? You & the kids go hang out with the friends an have fun, don’t sit at home just because he doesn’t want to go. Get someone to sit with the kids & go to the bar he works at with friends & have an enjoyable night!!!

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You could find a mom group, or get the kids involved in sports. Make friends. Your friends don’t have to be his friends. If he’s already getting enough social interaction, don’t worry about him.

My husband and I are in our 60s and have been married almost 32 years. We only have a few close friends but none that live close. We don’t go out. We go out to eat for Valentines day and go away for our anniversary. We still enjoy just being together. We go on day road trips and we are both ok with that.

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so get a babysitter if the kids are still young & go to the bar where he is working out & sit & have a drink & enjoy yourself, Or find a group that is interested in things that you also like or would like & join, You are a grown up & you are entitled to enjoy your life & do things that make you happy, With or without your husband

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Probably not embarrassed, kinda sounds like he is hiding you from possible other ladies

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Start living your life :woman_shrugging: you’re not sewn together at the hip. You’re still an individual person that can and should have her own life especially if you want it , doesn’t mean you have to end your marriage , just start living …

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That’s because he’s working at bar in gets too see friends that comes there go get a sister in go visit him at his work crying out loud it’s a bar where people go my parents use to own one in I work there it was a lot of fun

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Hubby and I dont have many friends, rarely go out…we like it that way. Less drama more peace.

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Go out and get a Hobbie and make your own friends. Your depending on him and only him to make you happy.

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I will adopt you and your family ! Seriously make your friends reach out to other women with common interests! A successful marriage always means both parties feel complete not just one! Love is not enough ! You must have interest in each other’s happiness!

It sounds like you need to get some friends yourself. Find a hobby, go to the library, do something for you. You don’t have to hang with your husband’s friends when you have your own.

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I have a huge family, many live near me but I only see one person from my family and that is usually once a month and I have no friends. I’m a single mom and I literally never go out. Some people are busy, some can’t afford a sitter. So make due if you need. When I want to go out I take my kids for a walk on the beach, to a park…I wouldn’t rely on your husband’s family and friends to be yours too. Because if anything ever went wrong between you two their loyalty was to him first then you are left alone again. You need to go make friends of your own. Join groups, bookclubs, there are many things.

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Get a sitter , get dressed and go meet him at bar where he works

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Start joining some organizations on your own!!! Either through the church or volunteering anywhere!!

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Start doing stuff without him. You don’t need him to go take e kids and have fun.

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Make some women friends in your area. You can do that without him.

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Sounds like he grew up and doesn’t want people up his ass 24/7

Get a babysitter and join him at the bar and make your own friends to invite over :hugs:

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Have you done anything to make friends on your own? Go to church, go to the library, go to wherever people gather and talk to whoever is standing next to you. He has a social life, friends at the bar where he works. Do you know anyone else in your town that comes from overseas? Isn’t there anyone you have anything in common with? Sometimes you have to make the first move.

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You don’t need him to go out. Get a sitter and go do something anything!

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He doesn’t understand because he is out every Friday and Saturday night. Yes, he’s working, but he’s interacting with people in a fun environment every weekend. He doesn’t necessarily need more than that. So you take yourself out and make some friends. Then you can invite them over or go to their house or whatever, with or without him. Don’t just continue to sit around and not have a life outside your home, it’s very draining. You can be happy doing that, but you could be happier doing something you love with like minded people as well.

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So what is stopping you from making friends?

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I’m sorry, but this sounds silly. You’re a grown woman. You don’t need your husband to always be by you and your kids sides to do everything. I am sure you’re perfectly capable of taking your kids out to do something fun. I am sure you’re able to make other mom friends with kids so that your kids can have friends too. I think you’re choosing to shelter yourself.

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Maybe he just lukewarm peace and quiet when with you and your kids. With working in a bar he is around a lot of people most are drunk or almost drunk he probably gets tired of people. Go hot and make friends you don’t have to have the same friends as your husband. Maybe look for mamas with kids close in your kids ages form a group let the kids play while you socialize with other mamas.

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Take the kids and go have fun!!

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My husband is super antisocial. I’m a social butterfly. It sucks sometimes because I hate seeing him at home all of the time. But I take my kids, go camping, do all the things I want to do… without him. He doesn’t want to join… that’s on him. :flushed::woman_shrugging:t3:

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As a bartender myself, I can vouch for the fact that many of us are introverts when off work. There is so much noise and people while working at a bat that I want to spend my nights off away from people enjoying quiet time with my family. Take the kids and do things and make your own friends while he is working.

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Don’t put the key to your happiness in someone else’s pocket. Stop counting on your husband to make your own happiness. Do it yourself and the rest can fall into place.

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And there you go he works at a bar Friday and Saturday night thats his outting he probably gets to see all his mates there

Come Home to America, & get to Know Other Family Members, And Enjoy Life With ur kids, ETC.

Says it all right there…he works in a bar.

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Keeping you at home won’t get you lose as much either just so he knows. Moving around and keeping active is what helps.

Some people prefer to be alone. Since you enjoy others company why can’t you & your kids go out with others? Is he also controlling, abusive?

I haven’t had one single friend or hung out another human since h.s I’m 26 now other then my ex husband n now bf not once. So your not only one. Not having any friends is so normal. I’d be more concerned about actually having Friends

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Your husband should make time to get together with you others in a social way. At least a few times a month. However what’s to stop you from making friends and going out without him? Or invite people over, order a pizza and play charades.

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He doesn’t have to hang out with anyone. You can take the kids out if you want and have fun. Plus he’s a bartender. There is so much conversation and noise and sound at work, he probably just enjoys the peace and comfort of being at home with his family and it’s quietness (at least quiet compared to the bar scene)

Make friends and seek things yourself beautiful

Get a babysitter for two hrs and go to the bar two hrs out won’t cot you to much