Another thing is that a month after he left me I discovered he had a new gf already and was bringing her around our 4yr old which I said nothing about to him cause I understand I have no control over it but it didn’t sit well with me.
Not too long ago this new gf reached out and she mentioned they started talking right when he broke up with me and that he had told her we broke up in December but she questioned it when the baby wasn’t born in September and then he told her the truth. We had a civil conversation cause she wanted to know why we broke up if I was expecting and to better understand the timeline and she said she wanted to know if she could trust him. She later then deleted her account and I know she’s still with him after our discussion. He does see our 4yo every Thu-Sat but for the most part his parents or sister come for pick up and drop off and they always say he hardly is with our son or pays attention or has patience with him. I’m going to have the baby any day now and he still hasn’t reach out, only his sister checks up on me pretty much every day.
I made the decision to not reach out to him about the baby until he does and my mom will be the only one with me during labor and until he reaches out to see the baby I won’t reach out to him since up until now it seems to me he’s uninterested and putting a new relationship over his children.
Would you do the same in my situation or how would you feel? I’m just curious.
Btw I did seek therapy after the breakup and I’m doing much better now compared to when it first happened since I had fallen into a deep depression.
I would do the same that you are… it’s good you did your part in keeping him updated but when he’s showed continuously that he doesn’t care then there’s not much you can do. At this point I probably wouldn’t add him in the birth certificate (at least where I’m from if the father isn’t present during birth they won’t put him down, he’ll had to be added later but it might be different where you are) and I would give the baby your last name. That’s just me though. He left you when you needed him & isn’t interested in his own baby… also seems like he isn’t interested in your other child you share either. I would keep his sister updated, she seems to care a lot about how you’re doing but as far as him… nah.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Curious as to what others would do in my situation?
You’re doing great on your own and the decisions you’ve made to better you & your children! Males like that are only children still playing games! He will not be faithful to his new partner especially after leaving an expected previous partner having his child! Good luck & keep strong!
Even his family knows he sucks. Keep doing what you are doing and don’t speak disrespectful about him in front of the kids…and life will work out… this gf is probably 1 of many the kids will meet. And he probably wont ever be responsible.
His family, your children’s family, is doing right by you and making the effort. Maintain good relationships with them and don’t worry about what dad is doing. You can’t have too many people love your children.
Your doing great, my partner left me at 26 weeks pregnant im now 34, and also two other children, part of me is desperate for him to change his mind and come back, but he hasn’t been invovled since, when that baby comes everything will fall into place 
I knew from when I got pregnant my youngest sons father wasn’t going to be there even though he said he would be. I kept up with updates I figured I’d do my part in trying at least. My son is now 8 and hasn’t seen or heard from him in over 5 years. I stopped giving updates and trying when my son was 3. Thinking about it now I should have just left him out from day 1 all it caused was unnecessary stress to myself especially when I ended up having my son 9 weeks early. You’re doing amazing there is no right or wrong way to go about it when it comes to keeping him updated when he dont seem to care. At least you have his family trying keep doing what your doing he will be the one to regret it not you
It sounds like you’re handling things quite well!
Seems like your doing good and you have support so no don’t reach out it’s his loss
I think you’re doing great! The only things I would add would be child support and a legal visitation agreement. It’s not right you’ve been solely financially responsible for your two children.
Good job you’re doing good
Honestly I wouldn’t even put him on birth certificate and give baby your last name. Make him got to court and get DNA tested if he does want to see baby. But honestly your doing amazing and you and those babies deserve better
Go to court and get child support…duh
I would reach out to an attorney and get child support for my children. You can bank it for their college education. I’d also take those children to church so they would learn about how real men take care of their families.
I think you’re doing exactly what I would do. Wondering if he shouldn’t be on child support since you never mentioned it since he won’t help of his own free will. He has an obligation to them as much as you do.
Make him pay child support and Sent up a parenting time schedule with the courts. If he follows it great if no u got this. If his family is being supportive that great let them keep seeing the kids. Not much you can do. You can’t force someone to be a parent.
Make him pay child support regardless of his Interest in the baby. He is financially responsible even if he doesn’t want to be emotionally responsible. Not your job to engage him in his child’s life. So what is clear for you and your kids. This includes ensuring he is financially supporting as the law requires.
U are being absolutely fantastic about all of this. But I must say… get that horrible thing to pay his way…
Make sure he has to look after his children instead of living a life where he believes he has no responsibility…
He is obviously a liar… and no relationship that was based on a lie from the start will have a healthy rd…
He is not a very nice person … a person that can so easily drop his children like that???
And do what he did to ur 10yr old… was cold and nasty…
Just try to think and realise u dodged a bullet there huni xx
I’m so sorry! Definitely take his ass to court asap. Start documenting EVERYTHING . I also wouldn’t let him take the 4 year old anymore until (if) a judge tells you to. Not only does it hurt the older kid to see that dad only wants the 1 kid, but he’s not even spending time with said kid. He literally walked away from his family so fuc* him 
he’s not "entitled " to kids he refuses to help raise.
I’m so sorry. That is a stab in the heart for your 10 year old. My heart aches for your littles.
Go mama!!! I know it the situation sucks but you rock! 
you are all that baby and your older children will ever need.
Wow. You are an incredibly strong lady and mom. When someone leaves you for someone else, try to look at it as a new chapter of your life beginning, while trying not to dwell of the sadness too long. Easier said than done, yes, and it definitely it takes some rewiring of your thought processes. Be very proud of yourself.
I wouldn’t force anything with the 4 year old or the new baby. I wouldn’t cut his family off, if they want to be involved. Don’t punish them for him being a POS. But I would be establishing custody, visitation and child support through the court. You may be financially stable enough to take care of yourself and the children, but you didn’t make them by yourself so you shouldn’t have to do it alone. If nothing else, enforce him financially supporting his children. Other than that, I wouldn’t push him seeing them. All that is going to do is leave questions in your mind about if he has the kids because he wants to or because it’s enforced.
Get the child support you deserve and put it in a education fund for your kids ! If you can afford this alone then the least he can do is give them an education later.
You doing all the right things
Yep just raise your kids the best you can. If he sees them he sees them if not just carry on. Never talk bad about him to the kids. Trust me. When they get old enough your actions will.speak louder then any words. Good luck. You got this!
Well abandonment is one of the major psychological crimes a parent can harm a childs future with and he’s done it to your 10 year old, pretty much does it with your 4 year old, and obviously has done it to your unborn and YOU, I would not give him a chance to do it again— to any of you
Child support good Hes gone
My oldests dad is exactly like this. I stopped begging him to pay attention to his son. It’s been about 6 months since he’s reached out to see or talk to him. Don’t even bother telling him or asking him anything for your kids. Go after him for child support. He’s a POS dad and person
File for custody and support. Give child your name all of them.
Don’t ask about him or give messages. Visit with his family if you wish. If he wants to visit, he picks up the child(Ren). He’s gone from your life. You deserve better. Stay strong
Sounds like you’re being petty pregnant women your only obligation is to let him know when you’re going into labor and his only obligation is to show up. If he doesn’t that’s on him but don’t be a miserable women
Get a lawyer. Go for full custody and child support.
lol go get child support and an actual custody agreement in place .
He was having something to do with the woman he is with before you actually broke up that’s not hard to see. I would be taking him to court and going after child support and visitation rights. This guy sounds like a real piece of work not even checking to see how you and the baby were doing. Be glad he’s gone, what a creep.
File for CS cause he should be helping take care of his kids. You ACTUALLY can control who’s around your child. You can have it put in the court papers that the GF can’t be around your child until they are married. Children need stability.
don’t have him in the labor and delivery room. Why would u want him in there anyway?
It would only stress u and make u sad on the very most important day of ur life!
So he moved on with another girl. U gave her the update and she deleted her fb. She can make that mistake to stay with him.
I’m very sorry he left and abandoned u all. It’s heartbreaking but this baby will bring lots of joy.
U can file for custody and child support after u put him on birth certificate and if he doesn’t show up then court will order a paternity test and prove he is the father.
Or u can avoid all that and say u don’t know who father is and leave that part blank on birth certificate. That way you only go to court for ur son parenting time. He would get every other weekend.
It’s up to u.
Stop worrying if he’s gonna show up at the hospital or not. It’s all about u and baby and what makes u feel comfortable right now.
Chances are he’s a douche bag for rest of life and that’s just how it is. It’s better that family do drop off and pick up anyway. Ur not missing out… he’s not worth ur time and energy.
Was having two children with your ex planned and mutually agreed upon, or did it just happen, or was it mainly your decision? Sounds like he didn’t want children from the get go but said what he thought he was supposed to under the circumstances. I’m so sorry, especially for your older child. Please get him some therapy as I’m sure he feels abandoned and kids always blame themselves. The same goes for your 4-year old.
Yes get a lawyer, go to court and get child support and a custody agreement. If dad won’t step up to the plate, at least he can fork over some cash. If you don’t need it for the day to day, sock it away in a 529 plan.
So sad that it sounds like he went from being fairly responsible to abandoning all responsibility. From what I’ve seen he won’t likely revert or become responsible any time soon, so I’d just write him off. Good that his family seems to care though.
Congratulations, and I hope your pregnancy, labor and delivery is uneventful and painless as possible.
He’s a dead beat and doesn’t seem interested in being a father. It’s awesome that his family are still involved, it sounds like they really love your children and I’m glad that they will have that paternal tie. You can’t force him to be a father, that’s a personal choice. But you can force him to go to court and pay child support if you’re financially struggling.
Don’t put him on the birth certificate until he shows he can help. Child support is a thing and you should take him to court
Dont allow his family to take the child to see him. If they want to see the kids, they do it in your home or in a public place its on HIM to see his kids.
And I’d absolutely do the same regarding the birth
Hugs to you and be strong❤
I’d do the same just slap him with them child support papers in the mail lol and file for full custody
I’ve been in this situation. I had my 6 year old (he was 3 at the time) when me and my ex fiance got together. Everything was great until we discovered I was pregnant. Soon after he vanished when I was at the drs office for ob appt. He never said goodbye to me or my oldest son or really gave us a reason. Two weeks later the country shut down because of the pandemic. I was very depressed throughout my whole pregnancy. He never visited the baby. My child is now 15 months.
File custody, and File for back child support from time he left. Everyone says get an attorney, up to you. But my son did everything on his own and he got everything he wanted including his son and support. Put everything on a calendar that helps a ton.