I have posted on here before about asking if my relationship was toxic, in which everyone agreed it was. I ended up leaving him for a few weeks thinking he would change, I agreed to try again, and the next day I come home to find him drunk while caring for our son. The cops were involved, and he was arrested, and a protective order was set in place. Last night DCF shows up at my door, threatening to take away my child because I was aware of his drinking problem and allowed him to be with our son. I have been manipulated and controlled by this man for years, and in my heart, I really did believe he would change after he saw that I was okay without him. I am a young mom, and he would often tell me that the court would side with him. I work and continue my education in health care as well as maintain an apartment alone. I have been the main caretaker since he was born- emotionally and financially. Overall, I feel like they are making me feel like a terrible mom for being in an abusive relationship. My question is, can they take my child away even though the case was essentially opened up against him? I thought I did the right thing by calling the police, but I guess notPlease add that the drinking was not daily or weekly. But when he did drink, it was bad.
If he’s left in the care of him while he’s intoxicated and you knew he was intoxicated, then yes, they can take him because that would be seen as you putting him at risk.
Yes they can. If you knowingly put your child in danger, you are just as much at fault. Now you will have to prove you’re a fit mom so best advice is to stay far away from him.
You are a parent as well. And you left said child knowing he was with an unfit parent… that does fall on you. Sorry. But people dont change In a couple days. You need to stay aware from that man and worry about your child and yourself. The protective services will see your a good mom.
Yes they can take your kids because you are continuing to put your kid in an unsafe situation leave the relationship
If you continue to let him take care of your son drunk then yes… if you haven’t since that incident then no they can not.
DO NOT let them bully you. It’s scare tactics. But do everything they say to a T. Don’t let his father back around him. They’re looking for a reason to take your child; don’t give them one.
If you have an open file with them, take advantage of it. Ask them for help to leave this toxic relationship and anything they’re willing to help you with dealing with an abuser.
You put your child thru all those things. You should have known what’s right at the moment for him or her not for you.
It’s because you know he has a drinking problem and still leave the child with him that has become a case of child endangerment. Get counseling and divorce/leave him.
Yes they can since you knowingly put your child in danger.
Yes, they can because you are knowingly putting your son in an unsafe environment. If you want to keep your son you need to leave him. The courts will NOT side with him unless he can prove you are unfit.
They can. But do everything to show that ur going to go on with ur life without him. Start with retsraining orders. And file for full custody. Change locks. But be careful because of u allowing him back… U never know. Good luck
Yes, because you knew he had a problem with drink. And if your back with him, they have even more ground to enforce taking your child away. You need to get away from the man completely, father or not. If you want to keep your child, you’ll have nothing to do with him.
If they showed up at your door threating it… they will pursue it…
The best thing you could do is to never accept him back into your home and do not let your son go with him. They can take him and they will if you do not put your child first
You are willfully neglecting your child by leaving him with an unfit parent. I would think if you continue to do this, then the answer would be yes. Stop thinking about yourself and this loser, and think about your kid, and get him the heck out of there! And stop with the “I’m a young mom” crap. You have enough sense to know that you needed to call the police, then you have enough sense to know better than to leave your kid with a drunk. Age isn’t an excuse for irresponsibility!
u did da best thing der shud be no stops for ur bundle of joy
Absolutely because you are putting your child in danger. Truthfully you’ve got to get not only yourself but your child out of that environment. Why risk losing your child? It’s not always easy but girl leave him.
Get out of that relationship, stay away from him, DO NOT TAKE HIM BACK! if you keep taking him back and allowing him to endanger your child they have basically told you yes they will take your child. So stop the bullshit. Stop letting him back in, stop trusting him when he has proven nothing and he isn’t trustworthy. Woman up! Focus on your kids, keep that protection order in place as long as you can. I dunno if you can go to court and try to get full custody? Not sure how that works but if I were you I’d take every procaution and do everything I could to make sure I had full control of my kids and I would absolutely keep him away from your kids until he has proven sober and even then I would take it all to the courts and it would be supervised visitation. get the law off your back and on your side. Stop letting this man ruin your life.
They most certainly can take your child away for putting him in dangerous situations. Whether it’s drugs, alcohol, domestic violence or whatever-if you continue to leave this child with this man, or stay in the home while he’s got these issues-they can remove the kid for his safety and well-being. Best option is to move, stay away at all costs. Because you WILL get dragged through this with him present.
yes dey can take him away if u leave ur child with a drunk man
You have to protect your baby … of course they will threaten you.
Change your locks and only allow ex to have supervised visits.
Your baby comes before your relationship
You did the right thing. They may poke around for awhile but at the end of the day it doesn’t prove you unfit. Make sure you explain these details to anyone who may ask and If you have documentation of anything it might help. They can investigate but I highly doubt your child will be taken unless there’s something they can find against you specifically. I would also keep the police report on hand indicating that you called the police and took action right away when you realized what was going on.
Looks to me like you’re a good mom who unfortunately had to learn your lesson the hard way.
Hang in there, be honest, and never stop fighting for what’s right for your baby boy.
Yessss they will take ur child!! My neighbor just went through this! They have had her kids for over a month now and she has to go through a bunch of stuff to get them back!!! Please leave him and dont let him around ans dont lose ur baby over a man!
You need to file a grievance against them. And ladies she didnt know he was drunk when she left! Holy shit. Wtf? She is not a bad mom nor can they take the child as long as that mfer doesnt come back. It’s a scare tactic. But you need to contact the office immediately and demand a new worker to come out and actually listen to you and see that your son is safe now and it wont happen again.
You left him for being abusive. You got out and you were doing fine. When you went back, that was your choice not your child’s choice.
You put unwarranted hope ahead of what is best for your child.
You don’t come first anymore. All the work you’re doing and education you’re getting is awesome. But you have to also put what’s best for your child ahead of yourself in personal issues as well.
Yes they can take him away bc you put him in danger. You need to choose your son over him period. Tell him to get out and stay out and IF he gets help and gets clean and sober for a long period of time then you can go forward. But a few weeks apart ain’t going to do anything. Young mom or not choose your son or you will lose him.
Hell yes they can since your allowing it to happen around the kids put him out and leave him out
Yes, they have a right to take your child. If you know he is a toxic drunk and left your kid with him, then someone needs to protect that baby if you won’t.
Well, you left your child with a drunk person you knew wasnt safe for your child.
Honey if you allow someone no matter if its baby daddy babysitter mom you cousin daycare provide care when they are clearly unable to do so you are putting your child at risk and yes they need to investigate it. What if daddy passed out drunk and caught the house on fire? You knowingly put your child in the care of someone unable to care for him. Even worse what if baby got into medicine and dad couldn’t take him to the hospital? That is neglect on your end knowing that situation.
Keep the police report on you. Be honest and do not let him back in your life until he goes to rehab
Depending on the state you live in they can, because you put your son in an unsafe environment. You need to cut all ties with him and move on. I know it sounds mean but it’s the truth. Losing your son over a man isn’t worth it
Advice, never take him back. Your better off on your own. I did with 2 kids.
They absolutely can. You knowingly new he had an issue and you put your child in danger. I’m not going to sugar coat it but you rather someone lie or be honest about the situation
They can and they will. You choosing to be in the toxic relationship over the well being of your child makes you just as guilty as him in their eyes. You already know that this is not a good situation…get out and don’t go back.
Be cautious it’s a catch 22, dfs will punish you for not leaving and the courts will punish you for leaving
You put your child in danger by leaving him with an abusive alcoholic. Your judgement was not good. I don’t think you are through with that man yet. So yes, you could lose your child.
Failure to protect your child.
Leave him immediately and file for emergency custody. If your a good mother they wont take your child away. But you have to act on it now.
I believe they can because you know of his drinking problem and left your son with him anyway. Just leave him for good! You nor your son need that in your life. Dont give anyone a reason to take your son away. No person is worth losing your child!
They took my sister’s kids and she never got them back because she married the man they told her to leave so she can get them …they are in foster care now …n yes I tried to get them n she already signed them over to the state
Yes they can. If you are in a relationship that involves drinking, drugs or abuse that is neglect against a child and the main purpose is to protect children. You have to start thinking like a protective mother. They court wont side with him especially since he put a child at risk. However you have done the same thing by knowing he had an issue with alcohol. If they threatened you are now under there rador as such everything and anything you do is monitored. Meaning if you take him back again they will remove your son.
Unfortunately yes, BUT all you have to do is prove you are not unfit and that he is 100% out of the picture. I don’t care if he sweet talks you, begs DO NOT LET HIM BACK IN. At this point you have a choice him or your child. Speak to a lawyer on what you need to do to make sure you don’t lose custody
He will never change. Trust me. My kids dad was the same way. You just got to go. Keep a paper trail. File for a restraining order and get sole custody with only supervised or no visitation at all.
I feel like u have been told hes toxic and a bad person. U didnt listen…why would you go back. Seems like you need to focus on ur kid not men…
U need to stop thinking of yourself and think of ur kids
If you go back to him, yes they can take your child. If you do not.want that to happen you are going to have to show he is out of your life for good
yes, they can. My mom did the same when I was a child. She let my dad have us the day and he was high and drunk. My mom was charged with endangerment and neglect since she knew about his problems. My mom had to divorce my father and had to complete counseling and parenting classes to have custody reinstated.
Yes they are right. I have watched this happen a few times
Yes they can take your kids. I was thrown in foster care bc my mom was aware my dad was abusive and didn’t protect us. Basically remove him from the home and you can have your child. My mother chose our dad… Choose your child
Yes that can take your child for those reasons
Only way to get them off your back and keep your child is leave for good
Unsafe environment. Best interest of the kids.
Why, would you go back to that relationship and risk what you’re going through now! There’s really no sense in giving you advice as you’ve chosen your decision and that had consequences to not only your life but unfortunately your children are the only ones who suffer! There are far more important things than giving this abusive person a second chance that’s changed your children’s lifes! But maybe it’s for the best in their interested!
The answer is yes, it is your duty as a mother to protect your child not some of the time, all the time, you have to get away from him completely, even if you have to move to a shelter, my friend just got her children back after them being in foster care for a yr, these folks only care about children, no excuses!
DCF got involved with my daughter and her father. He was the one they were looking at, not me. They told me if I had him take her for whatever reason, then they could take her because I knowingly allowed him to have her and if something happened, I endangered my child and I’m just as guilty. You can not go back to this man, no matter how YOU feel. You could lose your child. He can not and will not get custody because of all this. Keep you and your baby away from him!
Their job is to look out for the best interest of the child. You were in an abusive relationship and got out of it and chose to go back to it. So yes, they have every right to take your child away and should if you’re going to continue to be with this man. However, they don’t just take children away. They will either give you a chance to show that he will no longer be in your life or they will take your child away until you prove that but even if they take your child, it doesn’t mean that you have lost him forever. If they do take him, you most likely will have to do classes and such to prove that you understand the ramifications of the danger you put him in.￼￼
You got out and went back so you didn’t put that child first so yes they can.
Yes, they definitely can. DO NOT leave him with them AT ALLLLL!!! Don’t even risk it by going near him. Did yourself of him.
They absolutly can and will take ur child for this reason… U need to ask urself wuts more important to u now ur abusive relationship or ur child…
Ugh. The state governments needs to seriously back off if they aren’t going to offer actual help to women in these situations. Taking someone’s child from them because they are stuck in a crappy and manipulative situation is complete bullshit. I’ve been there. I haven’t had them show up or threaten me, but this is ultimately why I’ve denied my kid’s bio dad visits. Because I know that he has substance issues, I know that he is unstable, and despite me wanting to believe that he would shape up for his kid, I also knew that there was a giant possibility that this could end badly if I didn’t just say no I guess. But he would threaten me saying that what I was doing was illegal because it’s “parental alienation” and all this. And it wasn’t until I spoke to a lawyer that I really understood that he is just saying things like that to scare me and manipulate my decisions.
Sending love your way. Please just kick him out of your and your kid’s life and be done with the trouble.
You took him back despite asking for the world’s opinion; the majority if not all agreed that you should leave; and still chose him over your son. Yet here you are again… You are making a chose, abused or not. Your actions will speak volumes to DCF and social media. So to answer your question, YES, they can take your son. I would if I was in their position. YOU allowed him back knowing what he is. You made that decision based on emotion, because despite him being a scum bag, you think you can, or he can change. So why are you back here again, asking for more advice that you will not consider. And FYI, I can rant as much as I want, because I was abused by the father of my children for 6 years. I left and came back thinking he would change, knowing he wouldn’t. I wasn’t thinking about my kids, I was thinking about myself. I had to look real hard in the mirror and make the right decision for my girls!. You need to do the same.
Leave, thats an unsafe environment
Hi… I’m a former CPS social worker and yes… they can remove your child for failing to provide a safe environment for him. You are aware of his issues yet chose to leave your child in his care despite the fact.
Absolutely they can remove the children. I have had many clients who had children removed due to their inability to protect their children.
In N.C. yes. Ounce there involved it’s hard. If you stay with him with a case open you are gonna have problems. Eather leave him or let a grandparent take them. In N.C. Meclenburg county that’s what’s up. I’m sorry your going through this.
Best advice o can give you. Regardless. Know your rights and call an attorney
Yes! My kids were removed from my care for 7 months AFTER I reached out n went to a DV shelter. It was awful! My kids n I were the ones that suffered n he was out having a blast. My kids came home 3 days after I proved they were being neglected by foster care family it really messed my babies up but I’m here getting them them the help they need n deserve cuz of this bs but we have come a long way n finally am DIVORCED n me n my babies r in our own place after being in shelter(for an entire year:flushed:) these places do alot to help u straighten ur life out n get affordable housing!!!
No … you’re an adult and you’ve stated you asked here if said relationship was toxic … You still allowed him back knowing how he was . Therefore if you aren’t doing anything about it…They will .
Yes they are right. It’s putting your child in a dangerous situation. Neglect and abuse. I’ve been through this. It’s worth it to leave.
Yes of course they are right. They are looking out for what’s best for him and so should you if you don’t want issues with that. Your his mom,his protector and he should not be with a drunk man and watching his mom get abused. With that man unpredictable temper you should know your son is not safe at all with him period. It’s not just about you anymore ,its about your child. I lost my mom at age 7 to the hands of her abusive partner. I m now 41 and I will always carry with me what that man did to her. I watched the abuse on a daily basis and being a mom myself I’d never put myself or my kids through anything like that ever. Please take the advise given. Just leave this toxic relationship you have given him his chances . It’s time to move on.
If you’re ultimate goal is to raise your child in a safe healthy environment, your judgement is lacking by keeping someone into your world that compromises either of those things. This is your choice to do so, don’t get it twisted that the state is persecuting you for something you didn’t do.
And it was your choice to leave the child with someone you knew was prone to behaviors that would make them unsuitable to take care of the child.
If you want to actually raise your child, you are going to have to start making good decisions for yourself and the child as a parent. you are going to have to permanently terminate your romantic relationship with him, file for sole custody and ask for some kind of supervised visitation with the dad. Otherwise, the court is going to look at the best interests of the child and with your description, it may not be you with the decisions you are choosing to make.
not sure where you are from, i went thru alot of the same, but dcf wasnt yet called. i found that the courts in missouri will give you leniency if you show you are actively removing yourself and your child from a bad situation even if its the other parent. i got support from my daughters school wich helped alot in my case and dealt with a juvenile officer. i stood in front of a judge twice, and was granted custody. he got nothing. not even visitation. i was told if it came down to it a guardian at litem would be an option but the father disappeared. at this point he has abandoned his child and all school staff involved with her has promised to help if i ever needed to return to court. it is scary, i barely slept and worked nights to a point i almost never seen her. it took over a year but we are now stable, have the support we need to move on with our lives and see eachother everyday. hang in there and dont let your feelings for him cloud your judgement for child. goodluck momma
Sorry. You’re choosing to put your sons safety last to be with an abusive man. You can chose your boyfriend but your children can’t chose their father. Your son shouldn’t have to suffer through your obsessive wrong decisions.
Yes and they will …
YOU left the child in a dangerous situation…Yes, they can take your child from YOU because of it🤦♀️
Why are you back here asking for advice you know you won’t take?
Well unfortunately yes they can take your child because u left him in an unsafe situation. But if they haven’t removed your child yet then they possibly won’t but they will keep a case open with u for a while possibly have u do a service plan “family action plan” where u have to do A,B & C to prove to them ur fit enough and to prove u won’t put ur son in an unsafe situation ever again because if they get another 51 A report filed against u they will IMMEDIATELY remove that child believe me I’ve had my fair share of dealing with dcf and it is NOT anything u want to do. I won my child back in trial. But my advice to u is if u can consult a lawyer even if u talk to one at legal aid see if they can represent u in this dcf crap because with those people u want to have an attorney present even if their not taking ur child u still want one present as dcf dose coheres u into signing things that u think is ok to sign but then it’s like u signed ur life over to them. So if dcf dose want to keep a case open with u even just for a little while with u having ur child at home with u still consult a lawyer with ANYTHING they bring u paperwork wise.
Yes, and they can and they will. If he is harmful to himself or others and you allow him around your children!
Your ex is an alcoholic. Alcoholism is a disease. It’s just like diabetes. It needs to be treated. You were aware of his drinking habits. You left your child in his care. Knowing your ex wasn’t in treatment for his drinking. He drank, while taking care of your child. Your child was put in harm’s way, intentionally by you. Yes, they can take your child away for your poor decision.
Baby girl. We are all guilty of making the dumbest decisions. Especially when it involves a guy who stole our heart, even when they are crappy. It’s ok. I’ve done the same thing…allowed someone back in that I probably should have just shot or at least kicked him in the balls. CPS come to my home asking about this and that. Letting me know I knew better…and I did. Just make sure to keep yourself and the baby away. Keep working and going to school. They can’t do anything! Keep your head up sweetie. And keep moving forward in life.
Yes they can and they will take your child till you can get him in a safe environment and prove you will not put him in a bad situation again! Your child comes 1st!
They absolutely can remove the child from the home. I’m sorry you’re going through all of this. I hope you and your child are and remain safe.
Yes they can… and yes you are guilty. Sorry, but though you may have a victim mentality you are very aware of right and wrong. It’s like leaving your baby with an irresponsible neighbor that likes to drink and be abusive.
Yes they can as you are leaving your child with someone not able to care for him, I hope you are not with him for the sake of your precious child .
Yes they can. Best to leave and keep him away from your children
I’m not entirely sure what you thought would happen. By going back, you ultimately chose a man over the well-being of your child. That’s the truth of the matter. If you don’t want them to take your son, then make better choices.
You are accountable for your choices, don’t minimize or excuse your part in this. Part of growth is admitting our mistakes, taking responsibility, and actively making sure we do better. Do better.
Yes they can and CPS usually twist what u say and uses it against you. Say as less as possible to them but cooperate with them also if that makes sence
If ur in a knowingly abusive relationship then yes they will take ur baby away and tbh wtf would u stay in a abusive relationship to begin with
Men like that don’t change. You put your feelings for him above your child’s safety. So yes they can and should take the child!
You think because your child’s father couldn’t change that hers can’t? It’s not a matter of removing the child’s father from the son’s life completely. It’s a matter of making proper revisions to ensure this child has a happy, healthy, SAFE environment to grow up in. Instead of calling this woman “unfit” & telling her to choose between her child & the man she created him with, give her advice on corrective measures. Like, seeking individual/couples counseling, residing apart, time apart, etc. The mother doesn’t have to give up on the father completely just because YOU says she does. As long as it’s at her own discretion & the child is not put in harms way. My strongest advice would be to live apart, seek counseling & supervised visits for dad until he gets his business figured out/help for himself.
Yes, they can. You are choosing to leave your child alone with a man you know is not fit. If they feel you are likely to do it then they will take the child for his protection.
Yes they’re right. Don’t leave your kid alone with an alcoholic
If you are in an abusive relationship so is your child. DHS will take your child if you stay and so they should. Put your child first
YES. They can and they will.
Even though his drinking wasn’t a daily thing. It’s bad enough to call him an alcoholic. He needs treatment. He can’t be trusted around your child alone. Its unsafe environment.
Yes they can. Yes they will. It is a lengthy and extremely painful court battle to get them back. It is considered neglect.
I doubt those were the exact reasons. You were fully aware he was dangerous you went back.
Yes. That’s child welfare endangerment.
You willingly put your child at risk because your heart wanted to believe he’d change? In a few weeks get out of here.
Of course they can take your kid. And they should if you continue to put him in that situation. Get it together and get rid of that man for good.
Get a lawyer asap please please please I know the stupid bill comes with do not hand or your child with out a warrant contact a lawyer immediately