I’m not giving my partner our baby’s last name. He is really upset (i think more embarrassed than anything) and doesn’t think it’s normal for a child to have their mother’s last name. Did you give your babies your last name? Why or why not? I chose not to because my partner was absent, drank a lot, was not helpful, didn’t buy gifts on holidays, would play video games until 6 am then spend the day in bed, prioritize friends over family, anything.
Yes they have their fathers name no blank birth certs no father unknown hes on it because its the child’s right their identity and you do all these things for them
You’re not giving your PARTNER your baby’s last name??
Nope I never did. My daughter has mine as I was in abusive relationship. No shame here at all.
My kids all have their fathers last name. Sometimes in my opinion (especially young dads) don’t have that paternal instinct until after baby is born we have worked thru so much and are almost ten years in together
I think the child should have their fathers last name. It’s important they know their identity where they came from etc rather than having unknown on the birth certificate. Don’t do it out of spite for him but do it for your children. I take it your still with him if you’ve said partner? If so then you need to have a conversation with him about irresponsible he’s been he needs to step up he’s a dad now and has others to think of other than himself
I didnt. But we weren’t together and he turned out to be a deadbeat in the end anyways so I made the right choice.
My child has my last name, dad wasn’t around much and when he was he was hurtful to my child He never tried to change it, its been good me and my child having the same last name, has made some things easier. Never been a problem
You could always hyphenate? And put both. I guess it depends on your circumstances. But my kids have my husband’s lastname. As do I now
All mine have my last name. I was married and wasn’t with them when my baby was born
My daughter has her fathers last name but my sons have my last name. I am the last of my family to carry on the name
Both my kids have my last name, my second son shares mine and his dad’s last name.
I gave both my kids their bio donors last name. He’s never really been their dad but they carry his and his family’s biology. I may have done it differently knowing what I know now, but they’re always free to change it in adulthood.
I was married and gave my 2 sons my maiden name because I was in a horrible marriage. I left him 1 due to verbal abuse when I gave birth I didn’t give my son his name. Then I fell back into his narcissistic bullshit and got pregnant again. We were together and things were good until he got drunk and physically abused me. So yeah I have 3 boys with 2 different dads. And 2 of my boys don’t have their sperm donors last name and I am so happy they don’t.
Depends on if he put a ring on it.
They have my last name I was alone for my pregnancy and delivery so they have my last name
I have a friend who’s kids don’t share her husband’s last name. It’s just one of those names that NOBODY can pronounce! So they agreed to use her last name. For that matter, I’m glad my kids don’t have my last name. It doesn’t seem hard to me, but every teacher & every employer had to be taught. (Except one. We weren’t related, but had the same last name!)
Two of my kids have my last name. As not married they have same last name as me. I carried them. Both dads were arsehes anyway, long run did kids a favour. My youngest has her dads name. Only one worthy of giving child his last name. She calls herself after mine and both dads last name
If I’m married- duh. If you’re not- then don’t.
I gave my daughter her father’s last name
My kids have their dad’s last name
I didn’t, wasn’t married so gave them my last name
My kids last name is double barrel the dads last name and mine.
My kids and I all have my husbands last name.
My first kid I was seconds away from putting her dads last name. Then he said he wasn’t going to sign the birth certificate because he wanted a dna test. Wtf. Then he said it was so no one could say she wasn’t. Liar no one was saying that. So boom she got my last name. All my other kids have their dads (different guy but same for the last 3). He signed.
I double barrelled our sons last name. Even tho he is in his life now and asnt been for the past year.
My children have my last name… Partner was fine with it, My partner carrys his dad’s last name & hasnt had much of a relationship growing up or even now with him. Hasn’t even met our children.
I gave my daughter both! It was very important for my daughter to have my families name too!
My kids carry their fathers last name he was there thru it all Richard Heisley as I will here soon too
Speaking from personal experience I’m glad you’re sticking to your guns and not giving the baby his last name. That’s something that should be earned and he clearly hasn’t.
My son has my last name.
both my girls have there dads lastname. But fair enough on your decision. Good on you for standing your ground.
Yes kids have dads last name. Sons dad was a douch and a liar. But kids take dad’s name. Daughters have their dad’s last name
Both my girls have their dads last name. Our first born we weren’t married at the time. But she and her dad deserved his name. By the time the second came along we were married. I never changed my last name to his. Just have never got around to it. I myself and siblings have our mothers last name.
I did my name hyphen his name
I gave my baby my last name as the father is not in the picture. But it sounds like he’s shown a lot of red flags. Sounds like you should ditch the guy. Obviously let him be the dad if he chooses but he sounds like an awful partner.
My children have an hyphenated last name.
My daughters last name is heifenated to her dads & mine. her father never attended a single doctors appt and never bought ANYTHING not a single pack of diapers wipes onsie nothing. Hes only seen her maybe 3 times and shes about to be 3 months in a few days. He swore when i finally had her that hed be physically present so thats the ONLY reason i gave him benefit of the doubt and heifenated it otherwise it was gonna be just mine and i wish it was just mine. Dont ever let someone make you feel guilty for your decison and follow your gut. Just because you want your kid/s to have your last name doesnt mean they wont know who their father is unless if he himself isnt present. When they get older theyll realize why you did what you did.
My oldest and youngest have their daddy’s last named. My middle has my maiden name. His father, if you would even call him that, wasn’t around for the first 6 years of his life. (That’s another story of itself.) He doesn’t want his last name because he says if he were to change it hed get his step dads name because he heads raising him since 10 months of age.
I honestly think with the red flags you’ve mentioned you have every thought tho have your child keep your last name. Just because hes the dad doesn’t mean he has the right for the child tho have his name. Especially given
his actions in my opinion.
No they wouldnt allow me to because he wasnt there at the birth he didnt bekieve he was his baby even thiugh he was the only one I had been with so we did a dna test .and when he got older i asked our son and he didnt want his dads last name so I didnt force it on him .his dad was only around 3 yrs of his 13 year life when he was 7 he came to be with us and we got married and then he took off out of state to get with another woman so we got divorced when he was 10 .
Can you not put the father on the birth certificate and still give the mothers surname? 2 of my kids to an ex have my last name and my last one has its fathers surname
My last name his as a second middle name we figure they can change it when they are older if they want but the names sound good as they are now
I think it definitely varies from situation to situation. If the dad is practically absent I 100% would not give the baby his last name. Do what you feel is best!
My children have my last name
And I’m glad they have as both there dads are absent now
In Most cases mums are there for there children till the end so yeah should have your last name makes sense to me anyway x
Your body… your baby… your decision.
In my opinion it should be earned.
I gave my son my last name as a middle name and his fathers surname. I wish I hadn’t. My son is now 3 and refers to himself as Albi Inglis. In no way did I push this onto him, he just naturally started calling himself that and I am not going to correct him. Legally he’s stuck with his fathers surname as my ex would have to give his permission to remove it, which he won’t, despite not being involved. Really think about the pros and cons of giving your child a surname, you may regret it.
I did, because we were married at the time. We’ve since divorced and I kept his name because 1) I have an awful relationship with my biological father and have absolutely no interest in going back to his name and 2) I want to have the same last name as my baby
My youngest has his sperm donors last name I regret doing it as he has nothing to do with him I wish I had trust my gut instinct and went with my last name
I have give my son my last name , wasn’t with his father , and no regrets 6 years later he hasn’t seen him in nearly 3 years and was never a regular in his life , it wasn’t done out of spite I just thought it was right to do as he lives with me , had a daughter with my now partner and she has my name also as wanted her be same as her brother and myself … I think have a chat but do what’s best for u ans ur child …
Doesn’t matter what last name the kid carries as long as theyr not arseholes when theyr older
Nope! I told him that if/when my last name changes then my girls’ name would change. Well one is now grown with a child of her own… the younger is 15 and still has my name. It’s sort of cute bc the school refers to dad as Mr Booth LOL I haven’t seen a good reason for marriage in the past 27 years and I don’t see this changing
then why are you with him?
My son has my last name. There was never any discussion. His father was not happy about my being pregnant and offered no support. He was rarely around in the beginning and as far as I was concerned he was my baby, not the father’s. My son is now 12 and sees his father every weekend and he pays me support…we’ve come a long way in 12 years, but my son is still an Etue and always will be. NO REGRETS HERE!!
I didn’t give my oldest her dads last name cause deep down I didn’t think it was going to last and didn’t want her having a different last name to me so his was one of her middle names, he tried kicking off in the registers office about it and was told to get out and not sign it if he didn’t like it and about 2 months after her birth decided to leave him and he basically took nothing to do with her after that. I got with someone else when she was really young, we married had another child and offered her to have the same name us the 3 of us and she chose to take her ‘step’ dads name give your child the choice when their old enough to choose what name they’d prefer (if dads in the picture)
I definitely did.
I double barreled my kids surnames so they have both
I gave my son my last name cause his dad was a piece of shit. Literally. Hasn’t been apart of his almost 8 years of life. My daughter, I gave her my mans last name & he is such an awesome dad & partner. Even too my son. My son calls him dad.
For my first two they took my last name due to not being with the father. However my last three are under there dads name as we are together as a couple.
My girls have both last names, dad and mom and 2 names, following how is from my country. I didn’t see it right for them just to have his last name, mom’s journey with pregnancy, labor, giving birth plus all the after care provided by mom mainly just to have his last name m, not fair and not right. I even believe children should have mom’s last name first then dad’s
My son has my last name due to his sperm donor abandoning him for another girl. He’s never met his son(after many many attempts), refused to be present in any part of the pregnancy, he’s not on the birth certificate, etc. no need to commemorate someone that can procreate but can’t grow up.
I did on the fact we were married before we had our babies. I told him my children will carry my last name he didn’t like it I said the only way my children will carry your last name is if we are married. Married 2+ years before we had our first son.
My children have my name purely because i was doing it on my own xx
It’s like a 50/50 cuz I have a son I was married to the father so he got his last name and then I had a daughter which I was not married to the father and she got my maiden name after a blood test her daddy was supposed to change her last name to his I changed her social security card and stuff to his then gave him long enough to change it and he never would so I went and changed it back to my maiden name even after she got married at whenever she split up she went back to my maiden name
Yes i gave my children there dads name he was going to be in their life even if we did split. We still together 30 years later and we are not married i dont see the point of getting married . My kids have never really asked why my name diffrent.
I dont understand why someone people think if you give the child the mothers last name it means the father isnt on the birth certificate because it doesn’t in fact you can virtually give any last name doesn’t have to be either patents.
If I wasn’t married I would give the child my last name.
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My first daughter (4 years old, 5 this November) has my last name, because her dad and I aren’t together and basically haven’t been since about 2 months after I found out I was pregnant with her because of personal reasons. My second daughter (she’ll be 5 months on the 21st) does have her dads last name because we’ve been together for 3 years and he’s a great dad not only to her, but a great step-dad to my 4 year old as well. It all depends on the situation and your reasonings of course! I think in your situation it’s completely understandable to give the child your last name… But then comes the question I seen another woman ask, why are you with him if he’s like that? Move on girl you can do better!
My kids have their dads last name and I wouldn’t have it another way. Then again he’s a good dad and I’d have no reason to even have a thought like that.
Both my girls have my last name an my boys is double barrel I always say the girls name will change mayb when there older
My kids have their father’s surname. If the father is part of their life then they should have their father’s surname
My kids got my last name as there father never signed birth certificate amd my last name was the only thing i could give them from my deceased father
My ex partner didn’t give me a choice - threatened me and also changed the paperwork before it was sent off. I regret not standing my ground and rechecking it. Both myself and my daughter are still upset by this.
My daughter has my surname
Her dad is listed on her birth certificate and she maintains a relationship with him…
My daughter has my last name. I didn’t even get a text message from 7 weeks pregnant to her being 3 months old. And that’s pretty much been her whole life. I’m glad she has my name not his.
My daughter has my surname.
Her dad is on the birth certificate but I am not married and am her primary carer.
1st had father last name for there to be false accusations made that he was the father brother baby so 2nd got hyphenated but with my last name as the last so there was no confusion and definitely know who the baby daddy was as it was the same man for both but know how you feel some dads can never grow up do what is best for you and bub not anyone else
I gave my son his father’s last name (he’ll his first and middle name also lol) my daughter got his last name also cause we were married at the time of her arrival. And then he passed away when she was 15 months old. I eventually remarried and my youngest has her daddys last name (wasn’t married to him at the time of her arrival) but I personally think a child should have his or her father’s last name.
My child has my name because my husband didn’t want to be associated with his own dad, which is why wr also took my name when we got married
Both of my kids have their Dads last name. I have always regretted giving them he’s last name.
My son has my last name because his father too was not involved in anyway shape or form from the second I told him I was pregnant… but see… he’s a narcissist I unfortunately figured it out after it was too late HOWEVER I don’t regret my decision and you shouldn’t either… at the end of the day you’re mom and what you say goes… don’t feel compelled to explain… if he was a man like he should have been then he would have had the privilege of having a child with his last name but since he too sounds narcissistic… he’ll live. And if your state is anything like mine… god forbid he somehow manages to keep your child and not give him/her back law enforcement won’t get involved and you’ll spend months battling it out in court because “that’s the potential father” you made the right decision trust me
My children have my last name. It’s 2021. I saw no reason as we were not married.
When I was younger it was “the norm” and since i was going to marry him anyway I did. And regret it. He did nothing to deserve it and I should have kept my last name and names my children my name.
My oldest has my husbands last name. Which I’m hoping to change soon. My son fixing to be born in 10 days his last name is in the air not sure if he will get my boyfriends last name or my maiden name since I’m still legally married(been seperated since 2017). Either way both my boys will have my bfs last name once we can get married
Who is he to judge. I personally did but we are married now. I know plenty of unwed mothers who didn’t. I think youndid the right thing.
I have my mom’s last name. I was incredibly close to her side of the family. Dad was in and out. She was and still is a constant in my life. There was no question and never talked about the decision that I had her name.
My son has my past name. Our relationship was toxic I had a good feeling he wasn’t going to be around. I was right and I regret nothing. Ok I lie I wish I would have given him my grandfather’s last name because my dad wasn’t around and does not deserve my son having his last name either.
My son has his dad’s last name, but we have a good relationship as ex’s, and I know he’ll always be there for our son, no matter what.
I had my mom’s last name until they got married then they changed my last name to his.
I have 2 years 2 kids apart I was married to their father when I had both of them he was obviously the father. He was present for the first pregnancy but absolutely horrible during the second. My younger child, my son , has my last name, which I never changed after marriage. My oldest ,my daughter has their dads last name. My kids are best friends and honestly never cared they have different last names I have offered to have either one changed now that they’re older. I have no regrets except maybe not giving my daughter my name too
No matter how bad or poorly he parents he is still the father. He should definitely have his last name. At the end of the day the child belongs to both of you and the other parent is part of that kids identity whether they are present or absent.
Having Dad’s last name is so pointless. Last names should be done by Mother. Makes more sense in my opinion. I wish I had given both my kids my last name instead of their fathers.
My child has my last name. Our child will have my last name as well, as we agreed that both kids should have the same last name. Husband isn’t worried about ‘passing on his name’.
Do whatever your intuition is prompting you to do. It is your choice and you do not have to state your case to the father. I gave my son his fathers last name only to pay in courts to change to mine after he was abusive towards him. ( I got full custody with a no contact order and changed his name at the same time). The social constructs are old and serve the male ego in most cases. Times are changing.
My first child has my maiden name because her sperm donor denied her my entire pregnancy and for the first 3 years of her life…my second has his Daddy’s name, he’s a Jr., because he was there and has been there his entire 19 years!!
I hyphenated my daughters last name so she could have mine as well. We weren’t together when she was born and even though he wasn’t around much during the pregnancy, his parents were very supportive so I did it for them.
I know of several women who have given there Children a there last name or even changed it to something different entirely🤷🏻♀️ dead beat dads a dead beat dad. That and if he couldn’t support you through your pregnancy why on earth is he there now when he already clearly showed u very little interest
My son will have my boyfriend’s last name even though we are unmarried. My family has 2 newborn boys to carry on the family name. Meanwhile, my boyfriend of 6 years, and father of my son was adopted when he was 1yo, his identity was fully changed then, his bio dad was the scourge of the earth, and so he will not only be the first and only to be able to carry on the name, but his (adopted) identity means so much to him. He is already an amazing father too so it brings me nothing but happiness to be able to give him the family he’s always wanted. His adopted parents are also grateful and will be amazing grandparents, whom I love very much.
Meanwhile, my family responded very poorly to the fact I would not give my son our last name as they expected me too. people get very possessive and proud over it (in my family) and dont realize, or care about, how many wonderful reasons there are to give him my partners name instead.
Both of my kids have their dad’s last names. I would rather they have their absent fathers last names then mine which is connected to the sex offender f*&King pos that is the man’s sperm my last name is connected to
My kids have my last name because my grandma told me they should have my name until I get married, now it’s their choice if they want to keep it or change to their dads last name