You have final say, plus the kids don’t want too so oh well for him. Kids shouldn’t be meeting multiple partners anyways
Half of this has NOTHING TO DO WITH ANYTHING. Weed is not a “drug”…like stop that noise. Who gives a shit about that. As for the two in jail…again…not relevant to anything. The exs actions aren’t theirs. And vice versa.
And to finally answer your question…no you do not get a say.
Welcome to coparenting…where what happens on dad’s time, unless the kids are being abused… is none of your business.
Sole custody doesn’t mean you get to dictate who they meet. It means you make medical and educational decisions and only you. Stop treating your kids like pieces property…unless HES done anything wrong, you’re just being…controlling.
That’s not how sole custody works. She can’t even deny him visits unless approved by the courts. So no she doesn’t actually get the final say.
Honestly it comes across like your bitter about who it is and that’s why. If he’s living with her it will be very hard to make her not be around in her own home. He could take you for contempt if you withhold visitation.
Our kids will be around people who make them uncomfortable and need to learn to how to cope. The more they can do that under your guidance the better adjusted they’ll be in life.
No child wants to meet the new… Especially if she’s one they cheated with. But sorry who he is with, and meets the kids is up to him. As long as they are not in danger… All the why he doesn’t have custody is already there … But it doesn’t stop visits, so that is his right. So I’d make sure this is not just your bitterness involved there. Trust me I understand, but as long as he tells you before hand, and they are in a safe place… Get over it. That being said if they are younger & actually distraught over the idea… I’d talk to him, with them… And say this may need to wait a little. But, if she’s the one he’s going to be with…eventually, everyone will have to get over it, kids included. Just really make sure this isn’t mommy is being a bitter brat.
Some people in this group are wired up the wrong way I swear 
I don’t think you’re being bitter or unfair, if your kids don’t want to go somewhere or meet someone then that’s it, it doesn’t happen. For those saying she doesn’t have a say in it or is being out of order, you obviously didn’t read the whole post. It’s not about being selfish it’s about giving your children what they want, and if that’s for them to not meet his girlfriend than so be it, I think you are completely right! The fact he only has visitation and isn’t allowed to have his kids overnight says it all really.
#1 - He has court ordered parenting time. It’s not “visitation” - He is not a visitor, he is the child(rens) other PARENT. #2 - You claim his family are “murders & drug dealers” but you also say you were married to him. Ummmm you didn’t think these people were too awful when you married your ex. #3 - As he does have court ordered parenting time, it is HIS time with the kids. Not yours. You may not agree with who is new girlfriend is, but get over it. She may be around to stay. #4 - As a parent (and the courts will agree) as a parent it IS YOUR JOB to ENCOURAGE a relationship with the other parent. Not discourage it with him NOR who he dates or marries. #5 - Be VERY careful how you handle this. It could backfire you in several different ways. A.) He could take you to court for make up time if you deny him time with his kids. Play enough games like this and I’ve heard of mothers actually losing custody all together. B.) If you try to keep the kids away from their father it could back fire on you when they become older teens & adults - They could end up p*ssed off at you and write YOU off and only have a relationship with him. Kids see & hear everything - They are not stupid. It’s better to encourage parenting time, keep things positive, and keep your opinions to yourself and most of all - Stop worrying about his life and move on with YOURS. Good Luck! 
How old are the kids? Cause if they don’t want to meet her, then that’s all the say you need.
They hearing YOU talk about situation? How do they know who he cheated with? Keep adult convo away from kids ears.
My question to myself would be WHY don’t my kids want to be there? Is it because she is not kind, or is it because they’ve heard you talk about their father being with this person and hurting the marriage (you and them). If they’re avoiding her to be loyal to you only then perhaps the more adult conversations need to be taking place away from them. However, if they truly don’t like her because of how she treats them… heed their intuition and let the courts help you keep them away legally supported so there’s no fall out later
YOU HAVE LEGAL & PHYSICAL CUSTODY! you don’t need to question ANYTHING! if you say no, then it’s a NO. has nothing to do with you being bitter or mad or anything of that sort…plain & simple: you’re the boss sis. if the kids dont want to? THEN DONT MAKE THEM.
If he has visitations granted by a judge then the judge has the only authority to say what he is or isn’t allowed to do while it’s his time with his children. That is what the courts are for and maybe you should take him back to court or just ask what your kids want
You have to mutually agree on a visitation time, according to your arrangement. You don’t get to decide what he does with his visitation time.
You’ll have to file to get the arrangement changed if you don’t want the kids to have visitation with him.
No you don’t have final say when he is with them. Unless they are in imminent danger, there’s nothing you can do.
If your kids clearly state they don’t wanna meet her and they’re uncomfortable that’s how it goes. Because nothing is more important than making sure that my children are comfortable and happy. You have sole custody for a reason. Children need consistency and stability and your ex clearly can’t give that to them by having a different gf every week or month or whatever.
So do what you think is best, you’ve got full custody for a reason.
If you have full custody even if he has visitation rights but your kids are not happy… YOU have the last say. Let him take you to court then you take it from there.
Maybe the children are uncomfortable because you are. This should be discussed with the children to see if their feelings are justified. If they are then discuss with dad the problem, if they simply don’t like her, that is no reason not to send them. Today’s society is letting too much be based on comfort. Oh you don’t feel comfortable going to school, quit or be home schooled. Don’t feel comfortable working, here is some welfare, you don’t have to. Your bills making you uncomfortable, hey don’t pay them. There are many things that make the world an uncomfortable place but unless they are in danger, you should let them experience life, even the uncomfortable parts.
You have full custody…depending on the state your in that pretty much means u make all decisions as well unless agreed upon in parenting plan…also depending on the age of children…whether they can speak for themselves or not… if not usually its what u decide is best
I personally feel like it’s your job to make sure that if your kids have a father that wants to see your children, it is important to make sure that they get to have that relationship with him. I don’t think you need to micromanage the man’s life though, and judge him because of his family. One “grows and sells drugs”? Weed? That’s legal in most states nowadays, so that’s kind of a stretch. I’m not trying to be mean here, but I get that you have issues with your ex, but your responsibility is solely to those children, and it’s good for them to have time with their father, even if they wind up hanging around women that you may never approve of. Just make sure that you’re not talking poorly of him in front of your kids because they will hear that and it will warp their own perception of their father and people he chooses to date. Let them figure it out on their own.
If your children are saying that they don’t want to then I wouldn’t force it and if you have full custody then it’s your call
You cannot deny his parenting time without violating your court order.
Who they meet on his parenting time is not subject to your discretion, only to his.
So, no, you don’t get to decide.
Unless they’ve heard you talking about said new girlfriend then why exactly do they not want to meet her? I would honestly consult with a lawyer. Even with having sole custody there’s still visitation that has to be followed. I feel like we’re not getting the full story on that part.
If you are seriously that concerned then why have you not requested supervised visitation? 
Even just the comment “my children are uncomfortable” is exactly enough reason to deny it. You are the voice for your children, if they don’t want something they don’t need to be forced into it. They can make their own choices. All you need to do OP, is support them.
If my little one said to me “I don’t want to go” or “I feel uncomfortable”, damn straight we ain’t going. How some people put their kids in uncomfortable situations really annoys me. Kids need to be taught their comfortability comes first. They are allowed to leave a situation they don’t like. This isn’t about control, it’s about respecting tiny humans as goddamn humans xx
If he can’t accept that they don’t want to see/meet her and wants to force it instead of just dropping it then I’d say he doesn’t want to see them that bad. She isn’t in the agreement. The situation has nothing to do with her.
As someone who has been blessed to be a bonus step momma… Who that man is seeing is none of your business. For all we know his new girlfriend could the one to stay, children match their parents energy and from the post I read, you prefer they not even meet the girlfriend anyways, so can you really expect your kids to want to too? Have you even made an attempt to encourage a meeting? if these subjects are brought up around the kids, or they see how it upsets you, can you expect them to really give it a chance?
. My kids didn’t want anything to do with me before I even met them but if it wasn’t for their momma encouraging them to meet me, it would have made things alot more difficult but she minded her business where it needed to be minded and focused on her parental responsibilities when her kids were with her. It wasn’t easy until SHE found someone and realized the same condition would have been placed on her. It’s not easy to introduce new people into a family dynamic. Unless the kids are in danger, loosen the controlling grip and let him be a father. Remember he is not a visitor he is a father.
I mean if he wants to give you a hard time, let him know you could always go back to court and make his visitation supervised…
Plus it depends… how long have they been together? Sounds like he likes to sleep around. Tell him until he’s been dating said person for 6 months minimum…no. how traumatizing for the children to have to meet “daddy’s new girlfriend” every few months.
Depends on where you are and a lot of times how old the kids are. I am in NY and sole custody doesn’t mean nearly as much here as it does in other states.
I know you have to mutually agree on when he sees them once he has days off etc But unless specified who he has around them during his time is none of your business and you actually don’t get to dictate that regardless of your level of custody, Unless like I mentioned it states that in your orders.
If you have sole custody legally and physically you make all the rules.
Will he take you to court over telling him no? Technically just because of your custody status doesn’t mean you can micromanage everything he does with the kids(who they meet when they are with him)
You know what is best for your children. You weren’t awarded sole custody for no reason. His relationships are unstable and your children don’t need to be part of it.
If he does not have set parenting time, and y’all have to agree on it, you are not wrong. The only course of action he would have is to take you back to court. Offer him via text other visitation options. If he declines and takes you to court, you are good. Some of these ladies are bitter, you do what you think is best for your children inside of your own situation. Just cover your own behind!
If your children and you are uncomfortable and don’t want to meet this person then put your foot down at the end of the day it’s about the kids your not being vindictive your looking after your kids best interest
I have the same sole custody agreement and my daughter is 14 this month….she says she doesn’t want to see him and that’s all there is to it…for whatever reason, if the kids don’t want to see him, you have that say for a reason. It’s not easy to get a judge to give sole custody these days, so there clearly is a reason for it…go with what your gut and your kids say and don’t feel bad about it!
Technically you cannot dictate how he spends his time with the kids. Unless she has some extensive criminal record or string out on some heavy drug (weed doesn’t count) then you cannot dictate what he does. How old are the kids? Why don’t they want to meet her? You have to keep what you say about your ex’s girlfriend to a minimum because kids don’t understand the tension between people and feel like they are betraying their parent if they meet the new partner and like them. A child shouldn’t know a parent cheated…. In general. He is still their father. What he has or doesn’t have isn’t a concern of yours, unless it’s food or shelter.
Set parenting time or not… he DOES have rights to access his children.
Ask him to wait on having the kids meet his girlfriend since it’s a bit of a fresh wound for them, give them time to adjust. But kids are kids. They do and go where they are told. They need to be reminded to have manners when meeting her. They KNOW you don’t like his gf so of course they don’t want to meet her. If he decides to take you back to court he can show you denying him access to the kids and setting limits to what he can and cannot do and who he can introduce to them. The whole situation is uncomfortable.
Sole custody or not … you STILL have to be reasonable and fair.
I don’t understand when all these people became lawyers 
she asked for advice. People on Facebook give me no hope in mankind with the way they treat others on this app.
Your paperwork needs to say final decision making authority in regards to visitation. Other than that it would be contempt I would assume. We are currently in litigation with 2 cases because my husbands exes didn’t want their daughters to be around me. However, there was no reasoning for their actions. They claimed drugs, him nor I do them, and then said that I had too many kids. Lmao
If the lady helped tear the marriage the rest of way apart, it’s not fair to involve the kids with the decision. That would be manipulation. Just my opinion. If you have issues you need to address them with mediation or court that way no one gets in trouble.
Tell him that the kids are uncomfortable with meeting her. To give it time. If they are still together in a month or two, you will revisit it with the kids. That your not going to force your children to be around someone they don’t want to be. I know how you feel about this. I adopted my two daughters, it was a family adoption, so, I allowed their biological parents to continue to be a part of their lives, thinking I was doing the right thing. Biological, my younger sister is their mother. Through the years, for the sake of my daughters, I had to make tough decisions to keep their biological parents out of their lives for awhile due to the way they were living their lives and the company they chose to keep. Their father needs to realize that his choice of girlfriend is just that, his choice. If the kids don’t want to be around her, that’s their choice. Hugs momma. I know first hand how stressful all of this is to you.
Nope not wrong at all. I would and have done the same. If your kids are uncomfortable and don’t want to then its your job as their mum to make sure their not put in that situation.
You should have put an agreement in there that they do not meet his ‘spouse’ until they’ve been together 6 months or a year. Kids shouldn’t be around temporary people especially ones they don’t like or even ones they’ll get attached to but he’ll leave them and they’ll be gone.
Keep your kids far, far away from him and his deviant lifestyle. I you don’t agree, don’t let him have the kids. You do not get a second chance to protect them physically or emotionally.
Even if I didn’t have full legal and sole custody. I be damned. If my kids don’t want to go. They. Aint. Going.
No you are not in the wrong. It is your job to keep those kids safe even if it means safe from their own father.
Offer supervised visits so the kids can still get to see their father at your local children contact centre if there is one available.
Yea but are the kids uncomfortable because of the mother making comments about this other lady? If so totally wrong on her part. She should be making it a positive for the kids and the dad as she can. It sucks but the truth. Sorry you had to go threw all this heartache. However it’s about the kids. Or is there other reasons they don’t want to meet her? What’s between you and him shouldn’t be put on the kids.
Sounds like due to the vague nature of your court order you’re still within your rights to try to avoid having your kids over when she’s there. If they aren’t comfortable meeting her yet that that’s their prerogative and their dad should really respect that. I would tell him that until you guys can see eye-to-eye on this topic he is welcome to come over and spend time with the kids at your place or something. Where you can stay out of their hair and let them spend time together but also know that he’s not bringing them around anyone that they don’t even want to be around. Have some conversations with the kids and find out why they aren’t comfortable too, and maybe try to get them on board with meeting her after they’ve been together for a certain time or something. Then if she’s still around by then you can cross that bridge when you get there. You can’t push the new woman out forever, but if you really feel she’ll be temporary then you’re right to prevent your kids from building a bond with her unnecessarily.
You are correct. Do not make them. He can come visit alone or stay away
I would ask someone who actually knows more about your specific case! Like a lawyer… or see if the court house can direct you to who you should speak with. Only because everyone’s situation is different. You have great advice on here from others but you want to be extra sure because your kids are involved.
From one mother to another, You got full/sole custody for a reason. Trust your gut. 
The courts do not care about the other person he is involved with. He will still get his visits… girlfriend or no girlfriend…unless stated otherwise by the judge
Stand your ground with your kids. Check you custody agreement. Aloy of times (depending on state) has sometimes in there about not having the kids around the parter if not married.
If he hasn’t been with her a while if say no… Because it’s confusing to a kid why a person is there one visit but not there in a few visits… And no child deserves that confusion… once he’s been with someone a while and it proves to be serious then… I’d revisit the option
His family does not define him also appreciate the fact he’s still trying to see his kids
You have full custody. You have say.
Your kids , your decision. It your gut is telling you know , listen to it ! Its doing it for a reason .
You either mutually agree to a time and location or you deny on reasons that will hold up in court. Mistress or not I expect my kids to have a home to visit in which includes a bedroom, a bed, a place to keep personal items, no drugs, running water, electricity, food, etc. Children shouldn’t be forced into a visitation where they don’t feel comfortable.
Your call. You have all rights.
Sounds like you’re bitter. If you deny your kids a relationship with their father they will resent you later.
Never make a child do something or be around someone they’re uncomfortable with. Ever.
Go with your gut if the kids are not comfortable then don’t force them
Im so thankful my children and i never had that kind of family:heart:
Nope ur completely in the right ur say and if ur child doesn’t want to don’t force them
What kind of drugs are they growing…just interested for Diabetic researches
If they’re saying they’re uncomfortable don’t force anything
If by growing you mean Marijuana, that shouldn’t be something you hold against him. Marijuana is medicine, not drugs. Now if he does others tuff, then, yeah, those other things are drugs. I hate when people try to bash someone for Marijuana. Its been used as medicine since the beginning of time
How old are the kids? The most important information.
I’ve been in this situation unfortunately. It’s extremely hard to have a judge tell you that when the kids are with “daddy” on his time, he can choose whomever whenever around the kids unless you can prove that woman has a unstable background. I’m so sorry. I thought I could put my foot down, and decide who my children were around until they threw contempt of court charges in my face if I didn’t follow the court order. It’s a horrible situation to be in. Family court is so ugly, lord have mercy.
You have sole custody end of story they do not meet her simple!
No, you’re not wrong.
There’s a real mental health crisis in this country and it’s shown painfully with these comments some of y’all are leaving. 
unbelievable.
Hugs mama. Your feelings are valid and I hope you can figure it out.
I know when my son got an atty 2 get visitation rights his baby mama had a problem with that but atty told her she had no say in who he brought around his son when it was his visitation. Bit if the kids don’t want 2 b around her I think U need 2 consult ur atty about this. See what ur options r.
Nope sounds like they need stay away from him too till he straighten up
Sounds to me like you angry and using the kids as pawns.
You’re not wrong at all
The kids don’t want to be around point blank period. If you’re in the position to be able to listen to what your children need and want, do it. If you’re the one with the final say, say what they want. It’s not your fault or problem that he wasn’t good and now the children don’t want to be there. Those are the consequences to his actions, not yours
your just being a bitter person…you don’t even no her? Maybe she’s a nice person n just wants to be a part of the kids lives🤷♀️why can’t you just be the bigger person, and communicate n set some rules…people do change? I’m just saying🤷♀️good luck!
You’re not wrong. If they dont want to meet his new flavor of the week, they dont have to. Without you getting involved he should respect his kids choice. But sadly it sounds like he is a POS (just like my ex!) and doesn’t care about anyone’s feelings but his own. Dont feel bad for enforcing what your kids want. Ever.
So your children don’t want to meet her, why? They’ve never met her before so the only reason could be is either they heard your bad mouthing her or out of loyalty to you. Either way it’s not a reason to withhold his court appointed visiting time. I would be very careful about that because you WILL be held in contempt if you do. What he does with the kids and who he has around them you sadly have ZERO say in. You can voice your opinions but ultimately he is their father and has rights too. Just because you have full custody doesn’t mean he doesn’t have rights anymore. A judge will not allow you to dictate who he has around his own children, UNLESS you have proof the person is a danger in some way.
Due to the children having never even met this women before, it sounds the you are the issue here. Either jealousy, pettiness, insecurities, or whatever the case may be. You listing her as a mistress and all that just kind of shows your likely more bitter to the situation than you may think you are.
Call your lawyer not Facebook if your unsure! I would especially when it comes to children, good luck
Ummm u are totally within your rights you have the last say as per the judge court order obviously people here can’t read
And if the kids don’t want to meet her u can’t force it and I wouldn’t either
What he does on his visitation time you have zero say in.
Unfortunately what he does on his visitation time, even though you have sole custody you still have no say unless the kids are old enough to speak in court. You can try taking him back to court to get it in the visitation order that meeting new partners must be agreed upon or only after a certain time frame but honestly good luck with that.
Don’t listen to what anyone says. You need to contact your lawyer and get sound legit legal advice and not bother with these women being Google lawyers! Contact lawyer ASAP and see exactly what you can and cannot do. Go back before the court system and see if anyway possible to get supervised visitation or at least a clause adder that he can’t have his kids meeting a different girlfriend every week/two. You stated that he has no permanent home which means he is taking his kids to wherever he can find to stay at the time. That in itself should be enough for the courts to give him supervised visitation!!!
Yes you are wrong. This is about the kids being able to see their father. You seem very controlling and bitter. You didn’t make the children by yourself so you don’t get to use them as puppets to tell your ex what he can or can’t do.
It looks like you’re in a similar situation to me. My ex was on drugs and ab*sed me, so I was not comfortable with my kiddo being around him alone, and worried about some of his friends. When I was also granted full custody, I flat-out asked the judge, before we adjourned, if I ever had to let them spend time together. He said, if you arrange to send the child over there, and something in your gut says it’s not a good situation, you have every right to bring her home. We also didn’t have parenting time–it was considered “reserved parenting time,” meaning I set the rules. Some of y’all got visitation twisted. If the child or custodial parent doesn’t think it’s safe or good for the child to be there, then they certainly don’t have to go. We’ve been divorced eight years, and the court has never given me grief about their years of separation. Do what’s best for your kiddos, mama 
He was doing this when u met him. Wake up u are n the same boat with the the other mistresses. If they are old enough not to want to meet her, dont talk against him. U put them n that position because he didnt keep u. Move on lady and start making better choices.
If you’re going to allow him to be in there lives. Eventually they’re going to meet his significant other. Also your children shouldn’t know so many details about the breakdown or your relationship. How do your children know this woman is one of the many mistresses? Did she catch them together or was she told, by an adult? All that information isn’t a child responsibility to hear, understand, or navigate and should never have been disclosed. While you may have sole custody. He still has visitation and unless it’s supervised visitation I don’t think the children really have a say. Clearly the judge didn’t think he was a danger to their over all well being.
If you are uncomfortable with it and they are uncomfortable with it then I see no issue with you stopping that. Maybe try contacting a lawyer for a free consultation? Just to be sure of your rights in your state. But at the end of the day your children feeling safe and comfortable around whoever they’re around is the most important thing. And if their dad cannot understand that then he does not have their best interest in mind.
If the kids are old enough and really dont want to, it sounds like you can refuse the visitation.
My ex and I had it in the divorce papers that we each got to meet and approve of the person/people that our children would be around and had veto power, but we had 50/50 legal and physical custody with the boys primary residence being with their father as long as they didnt move from that school district. All moves and residences also had the same veto power. We each had the legal right to inspect prior to the kids going anywhere.
I hope it works out.
You can voice your opinion to him definitely but if he doesn’t have “supervised” visitation honestly they can be around whomever he chooses on his time. And if you hold them from him its contempt of court and he can turn that around on you if he ever got in a good position. Maybe do a free consult with a lawyer for some proper legal advice on this bc this is a tricky one…
Having sole/physical custody doesn’t mean you can tell HIM who he can and can’t have around the kids, UNLESS it’s a court order or safety reasons but doesn’t sound like it’s either.
I can understand where you stand because the children don’t want to meet her BUT the best way you can win is talk to your kids on their feelings, be there for them and roll with it. I’m sure he’ll have more gfs walking in and out so are you still gonna act that same way? Don’t waste your energy and control what you can.
The kids don’t want to meet her. That’s enough said right there. Instead of telling him that you’re the boss and you’re in charge and you’re in control, why don’t you just explain to him that the kids don’t feel comfortable with that? Unless you are completely overreacting about all of this cuz this is all your opinion and im sure not all of this is true. However I get the crazy ex family thing so im sure you’re not lying but there’s always 3 sides to every story. Your side, his side, and the truth. If your children truly feel this way then that is literally enough said.
In my personal experience with my mom have sole and legal custody of us when I was a minor my father put me in situations that lead to trauma. He was a drug addict and admitted to the courts he was a drug addict. When they started us on visitation I was a minor still but the courts ruled in my favor that if I wasn’t comfortable going that he could not force me. Bring it to the courts and tell them your child’s feelings. My courts look into how the children feel and I would hope yours does too.
You don’t need any one on here to tell you what’s right.
If you have custody you can say no to him seeing the Kids. He sounds very irresponsible and not a good person to be around if he is forcing your children to be with someone they don’t like. That would be enough for me. There is obviously a reason you broke up with him and you know what that is. Just follow your instincts.
Unfortunately I’ve been in same situation and no ur not in the wrong. Courts will also listen to children and ask what they want and will back parent with the sole custody. I would also suggest keep a diary / journal of visitations as to back up and prove when it is broken. Doesn’t sound like he’s good enough for them and defiantly not the family is either unfortunately. The children come first and foremost and as the parent with sole custody it’s on you to implement the needs of the children first and foremost. X
You can refuse visitation especially since you have full and sole custody. You are not wrong. I wouldn’t make them be around his girlfriend since they are uncomfortable.
No is a complete sentence.
There’s a reason you’re The decision maker. The paperwork clearly states things need to be mutually agreed-upon. Mutually means both you’re one of the both. And what exactly is he going to do? Take you back to court and fight for sole custody with no home and no vehicle? You’re making good sound solid unselfish decisions.