Please post my husband is watching live p*** sneaking, hiding, and lying about it. I’m wondering if I am crazy for being pissed off about it, and I need help. And he’s gotten to the point where there is a period less than a month ago where he didn’t even want to touch me. We’re newlyweds. I have talked to him numerous times, so I have no how I feel about that whole entire situation. He doesn’t seem to get it. I need to know if I should just build a bridge and get over it or if I’m right and being mad not just for the lying.
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Why did he marry you
Does it make you uncomfortable? Was it a boundary that you set and he overstepped it? In my opinion, if there is any interaction with another person (sexually or romantic) it’s cheating. There is plenty interactive porn and there is no reason for it.
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Sounds like he would rather touch himself lol
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I know this is probably tmi but here’s what I did when I was in your situation and talking did nothing. I started to “take care” of myself, didn’t hide the fact and made sure I no longer needed his services. Literally put the shoe on the other foot and the ball in his court about of sex life. It didn’t take him long to catch the hint then after a very long talk about it we were able to fix it and talk about things better
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The first sentence got me. If its ok for him to do why is he hiding it and lying about it!? That means he feels guilty. As far as the activity goes, my hubby and I have watched it together and it opened a new chapter for us in our marriage/bedroom. I would talk to him about it and say that you know hes doing it and that something has to give in order for it to work. Good luck
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Every relationship is different…sometimes there are some people that are not bothered by this and it works for them. However seeing as it does bother you…I would sit down and try to talk to him about it. See what’s going on, if something is bothering him, set your boundaries…compromise…whatever that will work for YOUR relationship. I personally dont mind the porn aspect…but like I said before it’s different for everyone, especially if its effecting your actual sex life…Talk to him girl…that’s the best thing you can do 
building a bridge and getting over it is only gonna have you holding everything in and it later bursting out
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It’s porn… I don’t understand why women throw a fit over this.
Men start watching porn at the age of like 12. You think they are just going to give it up over night?
Maybe there is soemthing not satisfying him anymore.
Anyways it’s better than him cheating.
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Nope you have every single right to be mad
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Yeah, I mean to me I think you have a right to be annoyed hell yeah. Now if he is giving you attention I would say no, because all guys watch porn, hell I even watch porn all the time lol but the fact that he’s not giving you any attention or affection and not sleeping with you but watching porn that’s weird. You guys are newlyweds too so that’s really strange cuz this should be the time where you’re all over each other in the honeymoon stage. I would be wondering what the hell is going on and I would be sitting down and having a talk with him and ask him why he don’t want to touch you but he’s watching porn like a horny 18 year old boy who hasn’t had any
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Watching porn is one thing but lying, hiding things is another. If you guys have a healthy relationship then probably nothing to worry about but if not then there are some major problems. Live porn however seems like an overstep.
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Live porn…ABSOLUTELY not cool!
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Live porn. Fuck that, that’s cheating.
Its abt what each person is comfortable with. I will say if you have a issue now it wint just go away so deal with it right now .
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Sounds like he has an addiction, probably should look at it that way instead of being offended. It’s not about you if it’s an addiction and he needs help.
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You need to try and get it through his head that THAT IS NOT OKAY and you won’t be sticking around if he can’t be happy enough with just one woman to himself. He needs to be given the ultimatum. You or the porn. He can’t have both. Watching porn creates absolutely toxic brain/mental patterns and tendencies and behavior. I’ve seen it with my own eyes, countless times. If he wants to keep you in his life, you need to make it clear that he will need to stop doing that all together and allow you to check or monitor his activity in some way so you can have proof. Once you’ve reached this point he no longer has the right to say “just trust me” so if he wants to make this work with you, he will have to understand that the porn needs to be removed from his life and you need to see proof of it.
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Get out now. It will never change or go away or get better. Porn is usually an addiction. I lived with it and fought it for 15 years of my marriage. I’m sorry but it’s true
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Him lying about it is a bigger issue for me.
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I’d be mad about the lying. But given your feelings and reaction about him watching porn, I understand why he would lie. Let him watch porn when he wants and stop making it a big deal.
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I promise you, there ARE men who don’t watch porn. If he wants to keep you as his wife and if he truly loves you and sees your full value, he will give it up. Now that doesn’t mean it will happen just like that. It will take time and will probably need to be addressed several different occasions for him to get completely on the same page but if he chooses you then he will make it happen.
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If he prefers porn to you all of the time and isn’t touching you, time to move on. Live porn is being intimate with a real person it’s cheating in my book. He knows he is in the wrong if he is lying and sneaky about it. Sounds like it isn’t working for you and if it is an addiction time to go and save yourself the heartache and demoralization to follow.
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A lot of you are overlooking the LIVE part. He’s watching live porn, and having to pay for it, but also able to interact with the SW one on one. That is not ok.
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Do you have every right to be upset? yes of course you do. But now you have to figure out which part of it actually bothers you. Is it just the lying and hiding part or does the pron thing bother you all together? Or maybe more it bothers you because he’s not being intimate with you? Your answer to these questions determines what you should do. If it more just bothers you because he is hiding it and not being intimate with you then my best advice is normalize it. Make it so that he doesn’t feel like he has to hide it from you. Watch porn with him. It might be awkward at first depending on your personalities but if you do that your letting him know that he can be open with you. You’ll also learn alot about each other if you can let that guard down. You’ll discover likes, dislikes, and boundaries that you both never knew about eachother. Make it a journey that you go through together instead of something that tears you apart
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To me thats a form of cheating. I’d be fuming!!!
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Try the Love Dare, Watch the movie Fireproof, Get counceling.
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It does sound like addiction to me. If he doesn’t seek help, you leave or its gonna get worse.
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YouTube Matt Chandler A Beautiful Design
Join him in watching it. Might spice things up.
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Just tell him,”DUDE! stop hiding it, it’s ok!” And the tension will be eased.
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Live stream porn sounds a little too far, but regular porn? That’s healthy, masturbation is healthy, do something special do spice up things in the bedroom if things have hit a dry spell
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My husband and I had this conversation early in marriage. Here is what we agreed to… If I am not home and he feels frisky, by all means go ahead and watch/do what you need to do… If I am home and am not able to get frisky (health issues), by all means go ahead (in the restroom being discreet)
If I am home and willing and able, no way, come to me. Shoot we will watch it together 
and play after…
But every relationship is different… be open minded, express your willingness, explore, maybe spice things up a bit… good luck.
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if my man needs porn then he dont need me for a good while.
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You absolutely have a right to be mad. You also have the right to confront him about it and let your stance be known. If he doesn’t respond, show him the door. It’s not worth wasting time and energy on a person who doesn’t give a damn about anything but their current interest.
I didn’t mind my ex watching porn, but I didn’t realize that it and the masturbation that goes with it are addictive and it ruins normal sex for them. Also leads to cheating.
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Yes you have every right. This becomes (if not already) an addiction if left unchecked it ruined my marriage. He began to crave intimacy less and less bc he was handling it on his own. And he began needing more and more to find that release. It robbed me of the close relationship that I was due and eventually, we had nothing left to base our relationship on. Its just not worth it. A little porn here or there, I dont like but ok. Guys are guys. I have 5 sons. I somewhat know its not a personal thing. But thats just it. A porn addict no longer sees sex and people in a personal way. They are objects. I would ask him to get discreet help. If he doesn’t, is it really worth it to stay and be dehumanized? Just speaking from my experience, but yours sounds alot like mine.
From another point of view, if it hurts you and you tell him, he should stop. Would you purposefully do things to hurt him? No bc you love him. If he is sneaking around on this, can you trust him in other areas? Is that trust eroding more and more each time you find out? If you cant trust your partner are you going to put yourself in a position to be vulnerable to him? Is that not what marriage is about? Otherwise, you have an unreliable roommate. Again-experience. My husband tried for years to get me back, but once you have had enough hurt, you are just done and there is no going back. I wasted 15 years staying and waiting for change. Dont waste your life. You dont get those years back. Best wishes.
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Marriage counseling is a great option! It also seems like he may be dealing with a porn addiction. Maybe yall should sit down and talk about whether or not he has a problem. Come from a place of concern with the intent to understand. Try not to be judgemental or express personal negative opinions so he will be more willing to open up to you
Like you said we newlyweds… once that ring goes on the honeymoons over 
I think the real issue here is that if it upsets you then he should respect your feelings. I’m sorry but it doesn’t seem like he is. And the fact that he is lying about it is a whole other issue. I often find that it’s never just 1 lie. I feel as if you have every right to be upset. And “getting over it” isn’t as easy as it may sound, especially if it’s something that really upsets you. It will manifest in other areas of your relationship down the road if it’s not dealt with. Good luck!
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We can’t tell you how you should feel. You have to Decide what your ok with and what your not. Then have an honest talk. Find out if this is a bigger problem than you realize and work on it together. But both of y’all have to be honest with each other and yourselves and really listen to what the other has to say.
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I’m gonna say it’s better than actual sexy with another person not my favorite thing but he isn’t touching anyone but himself🤷🏻♀️lying isn’t good either
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I wasted 10 years being mad about this exact situation. Leave now. You can’t reason with a porn addict who hides his addiction. And it gets worse. I lost ALL respect when I saw some of the sick shit He was watching.
Maybe something happened in his child hood that makes not respond to women in real life!
get divorced before you bring kids into the world with this toxic man
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Leave the cheater! Not that hard
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I Don’t usuly have an issue with porn but this is addictive behavior and messing with your own intimate relationship, That’s a problem. Ask him to get help, maybe evn couples councling . If he’s not willing to get help and make real changes then you have to decide ro live with it or prepare to leave. You have evey right to expect a healthy intamate relationship.
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You have every right to be mad. Bring in some playgirl magazines. He has a new wife and watches porn. Pathetic. Selfish. Especially when you expressed how you feel. What’s more important your feelings or his porn?
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You both need to see a therapist…NOW
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watch the movie “ fireproof” with him.
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Seriously get help like yesterday
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Ask him to attend relationship counselling and address it open and honestly, with love. if hes already lieing about it hes in serious trouble.
I f he refuses then he has expressed his intention for the future of continuing with his harmful (to both of you) behaviour . Then you can make an informed decision.
You could attend counselling with out him to gather your strength and clarity.
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Live porn is off limits. Idc about pre recorded but anything interactive is a fudge no.
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If you are newly wed I doubt this is new. Its just new to you. My guess is he built up to live stream. Had an issue with pirn that led to this. Either confront him or try to enjoy it with him. I definitely think it will be a problem.
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Seriously if your newly weds I’d give him the full blown what the fuck is up!! That’s not on, he has a problem and he needs to sort it now or you need to.make a final choice
This crap sucks! Really really does for newlyweds who should be in love and christening the whole house. Sounds like he isn’t sexually satisfied for some reason. Might try counseling to see what each of your needs are
Stu Dee its not just you then you dirty bugger
It’s a problem for me if I am offering sex and you aren’t giving it to me.
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When he’s hiding it and shit that’s when its an issue. I’m a huge advocate for honesty and communication, they’re basic signs of respect once you’re in a relo. Without either of them than what’s the point? You get married and shit so you don’t have to endure the little fuck boy head games
I would be pissed off at the fact he’s lying. Idk…if he was exposed to porn when still a child it’s desensitizing…I would suggest counseling. But if you choose to try and do so…don’t word it like you’re pointing fingers. Porn addiction is real.
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Ask yourself if you’re willing to leave if he doesn’t stop if the answer is no then build the bridge and get over it.
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Wait… there is live porn???
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I dont have any issues with porn…but the lying and sneaking is a BIG problem. Makes you wonder what else he is lying or sneaking about🤔
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I say get help now with eachother because it will ruin your relationship. Not only that but it will drain you mentally and physically. Its a real addiction. I only say that because I completely understand how you feel. My boyfriend watches it and it bothers the hell outta me. And its sad to say but its because I’m super insecure about my body. He knows how I feel about but yet still does it. It mentally ruined me. But I kinda let it go because we ARE still intimate and he doesn’t watch it like he used too… hope everything gets better!
Is he paying for it me personally id leave hes a liar.
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Are you serious?
I’d tell him to GTF out.
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No you dont. This sounds immature and stupid. People watch porn. You need to get some help with your self esteem if it bothers you so much. And no I am not saying this in a mean way but so many women are so quick to jump to, he is going to get an addiction to etc. Its all in your head. Let it go.
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My husband has a high drive and at first it really bothered me catching him watching it but honestly I trust this man not to cheat on me. I just ignore that it happens and let him do his thing. I personally don’t really care for it but I know lots of people watch it and it doesn’t change my marriage. He still jumps me plenty lol he might not want you if you are pushing him away worried about people he will never meet. Just talk to him and be honest about it
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Fight the New Drug should read into this!
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Look, if it’s not okay with you, then it’s not okay. What’s good for someone else’s relationship may not be good for yours and vice versa. If he’s watching porn and NOT having sex with you, that signals a problem. Possible porn addiction. Personally, porn is not okay in my marriage. My husband is free to choose to watch porn, but he is aware that if he chooses to do so then I am free to choose to leave. We all have boundaries and if this is one of yours, then he needs to respect it. If he can’t respect it, you need to do some deep soul searching and decide if it’s something you can live with. Don’t let anyone bash your personal feelings or beliefs on this subject. Just because they’re okay with their partners watching porn, it doesn’t mean you have to be. It doesn’t mean that you’re insecure or there’s something wrong with you. It just means you view it differently and THATS OKAY. Just like it’s okay for them to be cool with it.
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I’ll never understand why women get mad about porn. Watch with him, spice it up.
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I’d be mad. He’s paying a girl to fuck herself on camera specifically for him. He’s not just watching premade videos for free. It’s cheating and him lying is a slap to the face. A relationship is nothing without trust and respect. He isn’t giving you either.
It sounds like he has an addiction. I hope you guys work it out. It’s like any other addiction though…he has to completely stop it to work on recovery but he won’t stop until he is ready too. If it becomes too much for you a decision will have to be made for your peace of mind. I am sorry you have to even get to that point in your new marriage.
I would be pissed too. As newly weds, y’all need to discuss things that are ok and aren’t ok in your marriage. If he can’t respect your wishes, he’s not worth it!
The fact so many of you are telling her to go against what she’s comfortable with for the sake of “keeping her man” is disgusting. If someone isn’t comfortable with something and it was established in the beginning of the relationship, then their partners in the WRONG. He shouldn’t be wasting her time if he isn’t wanting to fix it, she should be able to leave or be angry with him if she chooses to be. That’s her right in her relationship.
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Of course you have a right to be mad, but he’s gonna have the right to resent you if you don’t handle this diplomatically. If he’s paying to watch a specific person give live performances, and losing interest in you, I’d say you guys need to sit down and talk about BOTH of your feelings. Don’t try to play therapist or boss, just f’n talk to eachother and listen to eachother. Remember that counseling is not a tool to get your way, it’s a tool to work through a problem together.
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If he won’t be intimate with you, but will seek out intimacy online, its a problem. It’s not immature. You also have needs that aren’t being met because he’s choosing to be selfish. Find a balance. If he can be intimate with you and still watch his stuff then sure. Otherwise, nah brah.
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U have all the right to be pissed if he is hiding this from you what else is he hiding from you also this can become an addiction and it can get really bad and cause a divorce so u need to def. Pur a stop to it before it gets worse but first I will have to get him to admit his problem before he will de ide to get help . And the not touching you part that doesn’t sound right at all he may be hiding more
Advice pages are stupid. You don’t know any of the people. And the first rule of advice is that you never take advice from someone you wouldn’t trade places with.
Watch it with him, find out what he likes about it and do those things in real life🤷♀️ .
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I don’t see a issue here. He lied because he probably feels shame and probably knew exactly how you would react and feel (he knows you right?) I’d say talk about it. Open up your sexual communication lines more and see if it improves anything. If not then you can start all the crazy talk. For now though start taking the walls down 
just my opinion. Trust your intuition either way.
My current situation myself with my husband! He lied about it till i found out! It was a huge betrayal to me and ive expressed to him how it made me feel. Why have porn when u have me? Why act thristy over internet skanks but not interact with me?? Unbeknownst to me it was a deeper missed connection with us both… Weve both admitted that we lacked somewhere in intimacy and during the daily routine of life and work and kids we forgot about eachother! We are better then before … Does this excuse his lying and being sneaky hell no… I told him we both need to get right i don’t want a man who has eyes for every women? Who has secrets and lies in a marriage? Its taking a toll on my trust but we are working through it. Do i continue to let him view porn?? Its his choice if he wants to and disregard my feeling towards it? But he knows i don’t want him watching it .
Personally I wouldn’t stay with someone who was doing that. They would just disgust me and I wouldn’t be attracted to anyone like that anymore. In my eyes there is no getting around that. Even if he says he won’t you will always wonder.
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Its an addiction… He needs to go cold turkey or he will never get away from it.
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You’re only newlyweds and he’s already watching live porn? Oh hon, if I were you, I’d hit the road. There are men out there that don’t want or need porn to be a part of their lives. Y’all are in the easiest phase of your lives, when you’re supposed to still be on cloud nine and basically all over each other. Not watching and/or sneaking porn. Of any kind. I’m so sorry. Just remember that this has nothing at all to do with you! You are not the one with an issue or a problem. Believe in yourself and remember that you deserve better.
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You have every right to be down right pissed!! There’s no excuse for any of his behavior
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My question is, is it the fact that its LIVE or just XXX in general? LIVE would mean he’s actively interacting and participating with it, which to me is absolutely CHEATING whether its “virtual” or not. It’s one thing to turn a blind eye to magazines or videos but when he’s interacting with another, no matter what he says its cheating. That kind of betrayal and disrespect is very hard to get past and even harder to ever trust him again. Only you can decide whats right for you, to me, loyalty is everything (friends, family, spouse) and if betrayed I don’t ever get over it. I’ll forgive but I won’t ever forget.
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I think you need to reevaluate your decision on marrying him. If he’s doing this now in the newlywed stage I can’t help but wonder how he will be ten years from now.
I’d run
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I feel like it’s cheating so I would be angry and hurt. In a marriage he is supposed to come to you fill that need. Going to have someone else fill those desires, even through a screen is a betrayal. I would talk to him about it and figure out how you feel about it. It’s a huge part of the human trafficking trade. Even outside of the marriage betrayal I would never want to find pleasure in knowing that.
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My EX, did that to me all the time. That and many other bad things. I wasted 38 years of marriage with him. He never stopped. My advice, leave don’t waist a lifetime like I did.
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You’re absolutely right feeling that way, and do not tolerate it either. It is completely inappropriate in a marriage. If you recall the wedding vows say “forsaking all others”. He should not be engaging in that as it is very unhealthy for a marriage. Maybe therapy can help him realize that.
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Try counseling. He knows he wrong because he is hiding. If he does not want to support you in that. Well hell you tried. You will have to make some decisions. In would never say leave your marriage. It’s hard work. Try to fix it save your marriage. Now if he does not support you in that. Then you can leave knowing you at least tried.
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Pornography is an addiction and it is better to never let it get its hook into you. I would suggest talking to him about the subject and it may take counseling for him to give it up. It can be very destructive to your family.
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Ya’ll all know it’s wrong in God’s eyes, right? It is sin. We’re not perfect & we are going to sin. But we should repent from that sin & strive to be like Jesus! Judgement day is coming soon! PM me if anyone would like to talk about Jesus!
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I would suggest you look up Chasing the cardboard butterfly by Justin Hunt. Porn addiction is destructive and rewires the brain. Is he willing to see the damage potential? There are resources to seek help if he wants to.
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Check out Fight The New Drug. This kind of stuff DOES effect intimacy and trust in a relationship and if you’re uncomfortable you shouldn’t feel pressured into participating! That’s not going to solve anything. Good luck. I hope it all gets worked out. I feel your pain.
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Ok some of yall are taking my comment out of context…first of all I didnt read anywhere that she said he lied to her…what I read was that she was angry about it…understandable…I also put that what I said was my opinion…my husband an I watch porn together at times…and I dont mind if he watches alone…he has no expectations that one of these women of porn are just gonna appear… nor does he cheat…we have been married 40 yrs and still going strong
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You have every right to be mad and you should not be ashamed of being mad. Why would he need porn if he has you as his wife. No need to look at others when his wife lays right next to him every night. You could try things together during sex and not have to watch porn to fulfill his needs. I am not a fan and would definitely walk out of the marriage. If he is hiding it then he knows it’s not right but yet still watches it. He isn’t caring about how it makes you feel.
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People have made very very good responses to your question so I don’t feel that adding my opinion is needed. The one concern that I have and haven’t seen anyone else mention is if there could possibly be children involved. If he is hiding and lying about pornography could he be going down an illegal path too? I’d take all computers and technology to someone to investigate those possibilities because that is a dangerous, life ruining path. And yes, human trafficking is the number one organized crime in the world and these web sites lead down those paths.
Yes. Totally crosses the line! NO reason why that needs to happen when the woman is HOME!!! NO NO AND NO!
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Lots of people watch porn… there’s nothing wrong with it…just try watching with him once…if u feel uncomfortable tell him it’s not for you…he would feel better if he didnt have to sneak around to watch it…my opinion only…no snide remarks
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He probably has a porn addiction, but he’s not ready to face it, abs does not yet see a problem. You’ll have to decide if continuing to talk with him about it is worth it to you, and if you can be happy while that issue is unresolved, or if you want to move on. You do deserve better, to be loved and treated well, and it’s not fair to you to be dealing with those feelings, but life is never fair, is it? So sorry, hun. Hugs.
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